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About Steelsheen

  • Birthday 07/13/1993

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    In Camelot's library
  • Interests
    I am a huge fan of the works of J R R Tolkien; specifically his writings on the people of the Riddermark, also known as Rohan. In his notes on the Lord of the Rings, Tolkien mentions that King Thengel, father of Theoden, married a woman of Gondor called Morwen. But the people of Rohan took to calling her Queen Steelsheen.

    Activities: reading/writing, swimming, volleyball

    School subjects: biology, physics, geometry, history, etymology

    Authors: Agatha Christie, J.R.R. Tolkien, C. S. Lewis, John Milton, Jane Austen, Lousia May Alcott, Shannon Hale, Lew Wallace, Charles Dickens, Michael Hyatt, G. A. Henty, Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell, Harold Bell Wright,
    Friedrich de la Motte Fouquée

    TV Shows: Merlin, Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time

    Various Other Things: the BZP ECC, Lyme's disease, the USA, and of course, BIONICLE. And being loquacious, though you'd never guess that one.

    Proudly an old school fan! Years 2001-2004 live on!

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Toa (13/293)

  1. "Walk down the street with a smile on your face, and you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say, 'What's so funny?'" - the Dick Van Dyke show

    1. Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa

      Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa

      I'm a big fan of the Dick Van Dyke show myself, and there's probably not a joke in the entire series I don't have memorized. So it was interesting to me when I read this quote by P.G. Wodehouse, probably written a few decades earlier: "If you go through life with a smile on your face, you’ll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say ‘What the ____ are you grinning about? What’s so funny?’ Makes you a lot of new friends."

  2. Assigned to Aderia. Thanks for coming to the ECC!-Steelsheen
  3. Hey Steel, HH allowed to double-post your review in two parts.

  4. Cederak is back in charge of the ECC! :D

  5. NOTICE: Cederak is back! We are currently transitioning the necessary positions internally, but your beloved (somewhat snarky) Head Critic has resumed his seat in the library halls.-Steelsheen
  6. My review is actually ready, (and long) but for some reason, every time I try to post it or PM it to you, I get an error message."Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 134217728 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 523800 bytes) in /home/bzpower/public_html/board/converge_public/sources/classes/text/parser.php on line 434"I'm trying to figure out how to fix this, but in the mean time, please hang tight, okay?-Steelsheen
  7. Yes! Got my internet back!

  8. Currently without internet because of a move.

  9. On the internet via Starbucks.

  10. Charity review for Glatorian Chronicles # 9 is fin. Sorry about the super delay - I got a full time job about two weeks ago and it's been crazy making the adjustment.-S
  11. ECC Charity Review TNTOS,First off, I have a very good reason for turning this in so late - I have a job in real life. But seriously, sorry about how long you've waited for this, and I've tried to make it worth your extra time.Let's start with dialogue, which is generally one of your strongest points. In the first two chapters, Ackar and his fellow fire soldiers speak with a refined, somewhat old-fashioned tone. By contrast, Kiina uses a lot of contractions and slang. This is a great way to show a cultural difference and up until Ackar starts using occasional slang as well (I believe that's in chapter 3) it works. Beyond tone, each of your characters have a lot of logical reactions or responses in their dialogue - I read it aloud and it flowed like a real conversation. Of course there are a few rough spots, but overall, you did well here. Your original insults between Ackar and Kiina are particularly good.Next, your characters come under the microscope. Ackar, being the narrator, is naturally the most fully developed character and has a balanced personality that varies between dedicated soldier and sarcastic satirist. He has his faults, too - impatience, chiefly - but he at least tries to minimize those.By contrast, Kiina has more of a bluntly written character, but then again, this may be just how the narrator see her. She has less of a balanced air, seeming to be quite uncivilized and at times obnoxious.And of course there's the sadistic and confusing Ice Lord, Xocion. He says he values honesty and provides his "pawns" with enough food to tantalize their hopes, then attacks a day before he promised. He saves their lives just to watch them die. He freezes his own Agori and leaves them around for centuries. I'm not an expert, but he might need to see a psychiatrist. As a villain, he's alright, but I would have really loved to have seen more real motivation from him, instead of Arkham Asylum bloodlust.There is one thing I think make this epic not quite up to your usual standards, and sadly, it's Ackar's fault. While I have no complaints about chapters four through six, I have to say that some of the narration in one through three is a bit grating. This is mostly because he thinks in "quantum time". For example, in the middle of a battle, where he's about to die by enemy attack or an avalanche, Ackar still manages to analyze every single detail of the surroundings while it's happening. He thinks about the logical reaction of his soldiers, his enemies' natural assumption that the fire soldiers are retreating, and even analyzes his own analysis.If you've read The Hunger Games you'll remember that Katniss hardly ever analyzes her actions while she's making them. It's afterwards that she stops to think why she did just what she did. Now, granted, Ackar is much more of a soldier and has a gift for noticing detail. But that doesn't make him Sherlock Holmes; many of his reflections would feel much more natural if he thought them while trudging for hours through the snow.Generally, this is where I have two pages worth of quotes pulled from your story, but this time, I picked out just a few little nuggets of goodness that I liked, or had questions about.From chapter 1: Isn't that exactly what people generally have concerns about when they question plans? I'm not an expert on Glatorian canon, but I thought no one but the Elemental Lords wielded elemental powers up until Mata Nui came? It's not an issue, however, if you simply don't want to follow canon - I hardly ever do. Just thought I'd bring it up. I loved this bit - a reversal (or perhaps a logical end?) of extreme environmental protection. Maybe you weren't going for satire, but the dry wit here is great.From chapter 3: Two questions; first, I realize that Elemental Lords can do a lot, but how did the Elemental Lord of Ice manage to keep the water hot if it was hidden under a dead tree? Second, couldn't Ackar and Kiina just drink melted snow (which they wouldn't have to carry) or use Kiina's elemental power? Heh, a guy's gotta have some self-respect when falling several hundred feet and screaming like a little girl. She really is a stubborn nut. Ah! Earlier question answered.From chapter 6- Someone, please give this girl lessons in tact!Altogether, your characters are really what makes this one a good story, and I liked the open ending - neither too much foreshadowing or too little closure.-Steelsheen
  12. Interesting grammar? Uh... Thanks... I think. Sorry if this story made you melancholy; I'm not intending to write depressing stories, but some things happen to be sad. That doesn't need to diminish the joy in life, but to choose to ignore sadness means missing the chance to learn. And yes, they are constructing a memorial for Matoro - an interactive one where they have stored all their memories about him. It functions much like the Chronicler's book.-S
  13. The Esoteric Athenaeum I'll be honest; I didn't write these stories because I wanted them to have an astounding number of views or the most comments - I wrote them because they were like caged shadows, longing to get out and play in the flickering firelight. Because by writing them, I set them free from those cages and get to watch their mesmerizing dance. But if only for the convenience of finding them easily myself, I suppose the Athenaeum was inevitable. Well, that's quite enough of the archaic ramblings. Without further introduction, my ensemble of literary seedlings.-SteelsheenDefinitions:Esoteric - understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interestAthenaeum - an institution for the promotion of literary or scientific learning; a library or reading roomEpics:Life is a Blank: a Story of Metru-NuiCruel Toa who serve the Great Spirit control the city, while the matoran are little more than slave labor. The Mendarii, the Madness, grips those who betray the Great One. In the City of Shadows, a small group of matoran, Toa and strange creatures called Rahaga are determined to unravel the mysteries and unmask the Great Spirit.This story is set in a non-canon universe.Number of Chapters: 29 (still in progress)Short Stories:EqualityThe inspiration for / prologue to a future epic called "Legends of the Ara". The musings of two Great Beings on why so many of their creations cause pain and suffering.This story is set in a non-canon universe.MonstersMatau Hordika isn't a coward by any stretch of the imagination, but even he is ready to yell "Please save me from the monsters!".This story is set in the canon universe.SeerIn the frozen land of Avernii, evil creatures called Jarakh-Gul roam the tundra and special matoran called Seers have the power to bring their dreams to life.This story is set in a non-canon universe.Remember MeIn the aftermath of the war with Teridax and the founding of a new life on Bara Magna, some people have forgotten Toa Matoro. His teammates intend to change that.This story is set in the canon universe.Chroniclers' SpiritThe current Chronicler Takua meets a future Chronicler, and recognizes the storyteller spark in her. A story about friendship and what matoran do when they're not saving the world.This story is set in a non-canon universe.Here Come Those Eyes - SongficA romantic songfic recalling one of my favorite subplots of the Bohrok War - Hewkii and Macku. Lyrics by Chris Rice.This story is set in the canon universe. Completely Off-Topic:Lay it Down - SongficA songfic about a father / daughter relationship and the lies that are hurting them both. Lyrics by Nichole Nordeman.
  14. Hewkii drew his hand carefully over the chunk of granite, shaping it with his elemental power. A perfect sphere was beginning to emerge from the rough stone. He hoped it was impressive enough. The former Po-matoran sighed, resting from his labor for a minute. "We're sure about this?" he asked his companion. "Just a sphere? Toa Lhikan got statues kio high." Nuparu looked up from the circuitry he was repairing and nodded. "You heard what Jaller said. Besides, those statues of Toa Lhikan didn't last very long." "I guess." The kohlii player in Hewkii wanted to see merit given a greater reward than a simple headstone. It didn't feel right, after everything the Toa Mahri of Ice had given, that his sacrifice should just drop into obscurity. But on a Toa team, apparently the majority ruled. So he went back to his tasking of smoothing stone while Nuparu welded in silence. "Can I interrupt for a minute?" An Onu-matoran stood in the doorway of the makeshift workshop, his arms full of tools and gizmos. "Here's the stuff you wanted, Nuparu. Took us a while to scavenge it, what with everything going on out there." "Thanks, Unletu," Nuparu smiled at his former co-worker. "Just put it down anywhere." "Okay." Unletu dropped the unorganized heap in a corner. The neat freak in Hewkii winced at the sight before returning his focus to the sculpture. "Hey, that's gonna look good, Hewkii!" The Onu-matoran ran his hand over a section of the granite. "Finish off all the pores and that'll last a thousand years." "That's the idea," the Toa of Stone answered briefly.* * * "You're really sure that's it?" Hewkii asked one more time, as the five Toa Mahri surveyed the finished creation. "He deserves a lot more than this, you know." Hahli shook her head. "This isn't about what he deserves. This is about remembering." "Yeah, well I think he'd like us to remember a little more than just a grave," Hewkii grumbled. Nuparu carefully fitted the last wire into the socket and slid out from underneath the sculpture. "Trust me, this is a lot more than just a grave. Some of my best work is in there. Hand me the heatstone, someone?" Kongu obliged, then turned to Hewkii. "Back in treebright Le-koro, we had a specialcertain way of deepburying the ones who darkdied. We made treewood boxes and hungtied them to a hugebig tree so they lookseemed like fruit." His face had a bittersweet expression. "It pathshowed how the fallendeath helpgived to others new leafdawn. They were not just oldbone and gone; their hero-acts keptmade them alive and happycheer forever." Hewkii let the confusing explanation hang in the air for a few seconds before asking, "Your point is...?" "My point-thought," Kongu answered slowly, uncharacteristically solemn, "is that to realtruly honorgive a cold-dead hero, you have to speakshow what they gaveleft. Matoro can live spiritblessed forever, if we tellshow how he madegave us a newbetter life." Nuparu shook his head and attached the heatstone to the generator he'd contrived. "That's the most confusing obituary I've ever heard." "Treespeak is very specialimportant to me, now that so fewsmall still singspeak," Kongu answered. Jaller was tempted to roll his eyes, but in a way, he understood the Toa of Air's logic. Yes, maybe everything they had known on Mata-Nui was a lie, but that world had shaped who they were. It had made them strong and brave enough to face the impossible dangers of the past few weeks, and given them the tools to survive in this new world. To completely forget that culture, that history, felt like betraying a friend. Like forgetting Matoro, as so many had already seemed to do. He brushed off his metaphysical musings as Nuparu flicked a switch on the small control panel. "Is it ready?" The inventive Toa nodded. "Everything's a go." Hewkii looked their joint creation over with a critical eye. The sphere, suspended a third of a bio off the ground by four elegant protodermis legs, was about two bio in diameter, perfectly smooth and glistened white in the sun. The thick stone shell protected an advanced kind of recording device, similar to the Chronicler's book. The sphere was laced throughout with veins of protodermis to conduct electricity. A simple touch on the surface could activate the device, but a thousand years of howling winds would hardly chip anything away. He grudgingly nodded his approval of the structure. "Let's try it." Nuparu put his hand on the sphere, stroking it like he would a pet Ussal crab. "Let me go first, in case there's a bug." For several minutes, he kept his hand on the stone, his eyes closed in concentration. "There. Someone else try it." Jaller pressed his palm to the granite, followed by Hahli, Kongu and Hewkii. Each of them poured all their memories of the Toa Mahri of Ice into the stone, the recorder soaking up every second of their trials together. It was nearly half an hour before they were all finished, each exhausted by the experience. Nuparu bent to reach the control panel again and flicked a second switch. "Perfect! Now, anyone who touches this is going to see everything he did." The Toa of Fire nodded his approval. "I think he would have liked it." Kongu looked over at Hahli, who was staring into the sky absently. "You want to speaksay a few solemnwords?" The former Chronicler nodded, bringing her eyes back down to earth. "Sure." She paused for a second, collecting her thoughts. At last, she shook her head. "No. No, I can't. He didn't need speeches or songs. He never wanted praise or recognition; he wanted his friends to be safe. He lived with lies and deception every day as Turaga Nuju's aid, but he just wanted the truth to come out. And when it did, and we left to find the Toa Nuva, he probably knew more about what we were getting ourselves into than any of us. But he came anyway, even if he did have nightmares every night and woke the rest of us." Kongu chuckled ruefully at the memory. Hahli seemed not to hear and just kept on talking. "Matoro just wanted to have a normal life, one where he could get up in the morning and not hear the warning horns. He wasn't a genius, or a weapons expert or a fighter. He was just a matoran in a world made by powerful beings who didn't care if we lived or died, people who saw us as insects. And he proved them wrong, because he was greater than they'll ever be. He gave everything to save a future he'd never see." She paused for breath and was startled to feel Jaller's hand slip around her own, squeezing it tight. "Nice speech," he smiled. She gave a shaky laugh. "I give my best ones without realizing I'm doing it." Hewkii exhaled softly. Maybe they're right. Maybe he really doesn't need a monument or a museum. It's enough that we remember.
  15. There is no difference between deliberately doing wrong and simply avoiding what is right.

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