HeavyMetalSunshineSister

IC (Aramis):

He threw up his hands in a gesture of mock-offense, as if to say Really? Is the Klan the only bunch of geriatric shouty bigots you can remember the names of?

"Name's Aramis. Aramis Saavedra," he answered back, taking extra care to roll the 'r's. "You always this clever with the nicknames? I'd have thought one Klansman would have been enough."

IC (Aramis):

Oh.

Touché.

Batman still wouldn't work, it was so obvious it might be *genuinely* insulting. He had to think fast, before his chicken got cold.

Ah.

Aha!

Clapping slowly at the flawlessly-executed quip, Aramis inclined his head in respect to a worthy foe.

"So, Wild Wings, you got a name?"

I was kind of beautifully far off in some of my acronym guesses.

Like, the facetious "guess" of Cough Medicine Overlord was the closest to meaning the right thing, really.

IC (Cynegild): Cynegild was far too deep in his predicament to pay attention to the shifts in the Black King's expression, but there was, nonetheless, a deep sigh of relief when the answer came. The tension went out of Cynegild's spine, and he bowed his head deeply in gratitude.

"Oh, thank you. I have some very old, very expensive cognacs, perhaps more than my share of bourbon, a shelf devoted to bottles of champagne older than the English language... It goes without saying that I am not comfortable with your secretary getting her hands on any of it."

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and finished, seeming much more composed than when he had walked in, "Help me convince someone to say 'yes,' save my liquor cabinet from Lacey's demonic clutches, and two bottles of the best and oldest champagne known to man are yours."

IC (Cynegild):

Cynegild opened the Gates delicately, being far more careful about it than usual. There was an unusual stiffness to his gait, and his hands and eyes seemed to twitch a little as he attempted to stalk into the apartment, coming across more like a stork that had been clubbed over the head and was still working out which way 'up' was. As he came in, his eyes locked on Alaric, and he spoke, sounding politely casual in the way that can only really be achieved if you've spent the last fifteen minutes rehearsing.

"Alaric, I'm glad to have finally caught you. I know I don't usually bring personal matters to you, but some things were said, and I might have," he wrung his hands, trying to work out a dignified way to put it, "that is, I think I've," and didn't find any. Time was up. His face tensed, as the full horror of what he was about to admit to hit him.

"I made a bet with Lacey, and I have to find a date for the gala."

Good point, that one. We didn't decide not to invent the car because we already had horses. I think that you need to either rethink the implications of a futuristic setting, or rethink whether you want a futuristic setting.

Slimmer even than the hypothetical thumbnail-sized phone.

And then there's... well, everything else. Electric cars? Hydrogen-powered cars? Thorium-powered cars? Are hydrocarbons still used at all as a power source? How have the amazing advances in robotics technology that were seen in the original RPG impacted civilian and industrial life over the last fifty years?

IC (Aramis):

Bingham? Well, if nicknames were coming into it, he couldn't very well keep using Batman, waaaaay too obvious, it'd look lazy after the use of some dead old white guy. Think think think

"Finally on speaking terms, are we Indominus?"

He could let the CIA quip slide, for now. Way too early to say they couldn't afford him, or lie even harder and say they'd tried.

IC (Aramis):

"I can mutter without breaking eye contact too, Batman."

He had no idea what Batman had said, but his response was pretty much appropriate for anything, so he went with it.

I'm still not totally clear on EMH and MSD. Like, I can guess from context that EMH might something like Emergency Medical Helper, and might be either a crewmember or machine that pitches in when stuff gets hairy in the medbay, but I really am lost on MSD. Main Screen Display makes no sense in context. Minor Screen Display? Multi-Screen Display? Material Safety Data? Metal Scanning Device?

Those two acronyms could use an explanation. If I was being picky I might call for the same with CMO for folks unfamiliar with that set of (reasonably common) acronyms, but Chief Medical Officer is spelled out in words later on so it's not a big deal.

The level of setting explanation looks better, though that's more Tyler's area as the main thing I was unaware of was Patrick Stewart fighting himself.

I am also personally curious about other matters, but that has more to do with questions I'd ask while preparing a character profile, like whether a character written up with what I recall as the original idea of the motives of the Borg (seeking out and collecting new technology to perfect themselves) in mind might work, or if an entity that is part of a Borg hivemind would be inherently unsuitable as a character in this. If there is any discussion to be had on that idea, it can be had later, perhaps via PM, as it's not really anything to do one way or another with the planning of the RPG itself.

A'ight, thanks for the feedback on the feedback.

As for the plot... honestly, I don't think it's ever been done before in OTC, which hey - if you're going to boldly go, bloody up and go, right? I mean, there was a time when RTS RPGs had never been done before - granted, that transitioned to a time when we solemnly swore never to do one again, but the point is that, as tense and nervous as I am about the episodic format, I can't actually say it's a bad idea, because I have no evidence to back that up.

So, if you're going to trust people, a'ight - that's not something I would do, but it's your RPG, and you can make modifications as necessary. Guess that leaves us with sprucing up details and explanations, for the benefit of people who can't tell a Borg cube from a Rubiks cube.

 

 

2399, approximately 20 years after the end of the canon timeline.

One would assume, from this, that the end of the canon timeline is about 2379. A calculator might help some folks, but I don't think a wiki would be necessary here.

The difference is that, if you don't already know that, you're left wondering - "Wait? Nemesis? What happened in Nemesis? Do I need to know this?" - and you either end up scrambling around a wiki to find out that it's not something you needed to know, or you decide that maybe this is going to be too much work.

^This, honestly. So much of this. I enjoyed The Next Generation, I'm rewatching Deep Space 9, and I still couldn't tell you what happened in Nemesis except, probably, explosions. Now, if nothing important to the RPG or the player's understanding of the current state of the setting happened in Nemesis, that's cool, but drop the title reference in that case, and just say "20 years after the end of the canon timeline".

Hooooookay, let's get the gloves.

 

 

approximately 20 years after the events of Star Trek: Nemesis

Some of us haven't watched every piece of Star Trek media. If there's an important event buried in there, explain what it was - otherwise, remove the reference to avoid confusing people who didn't watch it.

 

 

 The Klingon Empire, following a political fallout with the Federation,

I see no explanation of the factions anywhere, which would normally be a problem except we only have one option anyway.

 

 

Sovereign

No real point to make with this one, I just needed to lighten the mood for myself.

 

 

MSDCMOEMH

All acronyms and no explanation make Clag a screeching mound of meat Jell-O. Explain acronyms when you introduce them, like "Mega Star Destroyer (MSD)" or "Cough Medicine Overlord (CMO)".

 

 

Character positions are on a first come first serve basis

Are you sure you want to be handing out assignments where people are giving orders to other people solely on this basis?

Are you

sure?

 

 

• Head of Security: Leader of Redshirts.

I will generously refrain from assuming that Redshirts are similar to Brownshirts.

---

That's about all I have the energy to say right now. I think the idea shows some promise, but there are a few things that should be considered very carefully before proceeding, and a lot of things that should maybe be explained to those who are not already familiar with Star Trek. If someone else would like to provide their opinion on the Plot section, I'll happily chime in once their comments have provided the framework for a discussion.

Do Markarth.

C'mon.

Do Markarth it'll be fun.

Yeah, but, there's a lot here that seems... really circuitous, honestly.

It's a 50 year timeskip in which the number of supers rises dramatically... and then falls back to normal. Seems pointless.

It's a 50 year timeskip in which the League died... and then was reborn under a slightly different name. Seems pointless.

It's a 50 year timeskip in which major villains died... and then their youngest nephews took up the mantle. Seems pointless.

It's a 50 year timeskip in which a new organization became very important... and players who join it still don't get to know what it's about. Seems... not pointless, exactly, but underwhelming nonetheless.

And the whole thing seems to revolve around one character the players don't get to know anything about... until such a time as you, the GM, decide you want to reveal it, hopefully dramatically. Seems less conducive to an RPG than to fanfiction.

There's only so much mystery you can have about the movers and shakers in an RPG, particularly playable organizations, before it stops being an RPG and starts being fanfic people try to interact with.

Marvel isn't mysterious. That oldfangled Pokemon RPG isn't mysterious. To Save the World... okay, parts of that were mysterious, but they were the grindy, slow parts. We all knew who was running the League and why they were doing it. We knew, broadly, what kooky, ill-conceived plan Doctor Suicidally-Depressed Danger* had running.

*Seriously I felt bad for the guy more than I wanted to punch him.

Okay but,

-If things are back to the way they were before, then why do we care about that 25-year span? Why do we even need to know about it? Its impact is, as far as I can see, totally negligible.

-Do you see a problem in needing a super with vaguely-defined powers, of whose current status and goals even you, the GM, know nothing, in order to make things interesting and give multiple factions their motivation at the start of the game? The way things are put together seems a little flimsy, right now - the Omni Group exists to fulfill goals neither you nor the rank and file membership are totally clear on, the Army of Naught exists to figure out why the Omni Group exists, both are interested in powered individuals and we have naught but your word to tell us this is a bad thing, the League has wrapped itself so far around Vanguard that they've even taken his name, rebranding themselves after a zombie instead of an ideal, and the Coalition has pretty efficiently mirrored the League's obsession with Vanguard while also having members that have so many parental issues/issues letting go that their real superpower is making psychiatrists see dollar signs.

To say it more simply, there's a lot that needs to be worked on before the skeleton of the plot is ready to support the RPG, and I would definitely be wary of making Vanguard too important without you, the GM, having an absolutely clear understanding of who he is, why he's important, and what he wants. What you've got has some potential, but a lot of RPGs here have collapsed before they even got rolling, so thorough planning is definitely key.

Okay so to clarify about the plan House Gonzo Hellfire has, is the gala a recruitment drive, or just sort of an opportunity to show off our sweet digs to everyone who doesn't get to live there and watch Borte Khan traumatize the alligators?

I need to know because this effects whether it's appropriate for Cynegild to wear the shorts with the duckies.

The Technax thing was... kinda weird?

Like, it was pretty much Scary Dogmatic Aliens who were there to kill one dude because... reasons*? And then they also wanted to destroy Earth because... that's their thing, I guess**? And then folks made a deal with kinda-worse aliens from Venus*** to get rid of the first set of Scary Dogmatic Aliens, or double-cross them, or something? And then one player's character had his climactic duel with the Big Bad of that arc, and then they were both presumed dead****.

Might be better to go with new aliens.

*Their genocide against his species was all-but complete, and they were pretty big on 100% completion. Must have spent hours combing through Metroid Prime.

**They were mean, and they found that dude on Earth, so... genocide by association, pretty much. See also: they were mean.

***They were also mean, but they didn't actually care about destroying Earth, and they had beef with Technax, I think.

****The hero-dude didn't die, but he lost a lot of his memory, so things were awkward there for a while. Also he either got or already had an evil twin that was split off from the 'dark' side of his personality, so... there's that. Then the evil twin had his arm ripped off, and was beaten into submission with it. Good times.

Okay but why would he look like a crazy ninja dude. That's the worst way to infiltrate anything but a group of crazy ninja dudes.

I'd probably better save the spilling of any actual plans for infiltration for when I know the location and actual dress code of the facility/facilities in question. Business casual sounds like it will be far more stealthy than black spandex, though.

Anyway, back on the subject of actually critiquing the RPG, rather than rubbing my hands together and cackling in malicious glee, how are you planning on handling rules and definitions for powers, and are you looking at instituting a limit on the number of people who can have similar powers?

But I bet you five bucks that if I make a character and try to infiltrate, something upwards of 90% of the people that character runs into are not going to be upper management. Not saying that's a bad thing, not saying that's a good thing. Just saying that's a thing you've got to consider.

And truthfully, Snark, it's not just your eyes. That font is kinda hard to read.

By hilarious, I don't really mean necessarily good or bad. Kinda weird, but it all depends on how you roll with it.

Not even members of the Omni Group knowing what they're about would... yeah, definitely lead to decreases in their ability to function. LIke, when your group's goals are *that* mysterious, an infiltrator who knows that you don't know what you're doing could walk in, and let you know that yes, them being there is part of the plan. You not telling your immediate superiors is also part of the plan. Just go with it, it'll be okay. 

Which, if that's what you're going for, alright, that's cool. 

Honestly, I know the green text is kinda your thing, but

It hurts.

Reading it on a white background is just this side of being physically painful, because of the strain required to keep the letters from going blurry. So maybe don't put your draft of an RPG in that colour.

I have literally no idea what the Omni Group wants, just what they can do. The Army of Naught is defined solely by their opposition to the Omni Group (I guess Senate hearings are considered passé now), which is simple enough.

I find the idea of the Coalition of Corruption being maintained primarily by the younger relatives of villains hilarious. 

I honestly don't see the point of having a solid per-player character limit, apart from tying things back to the quaint old days of the original.

As I said to IcarusBen, some rules can sort of be filed under common sense, and therefore implied rather than typed out in full. Like having a rule that explains to players what a text-based RPG is. Or a rule that we can't turn everyone's arms into feather dusters.

The character profile seems to have gone weird in formatting, to the point that it would require some work from the joining player just to make it usable. It's also somewhat obvious that you copy-pasted that one section, and only that section, from the original, as it's the only one that doesn't require me to lean forward and squint.

EDIT: Not really relevant, but it's hilarious to me that Tyler and I, of the major players in TSTW that are still on the site, were the most active on the version after the old forums went crunch.

IC (Aramis):

Oh, hey, now Batman was staring back, and oh my, he was a pretty one.

Well, Aramis wasn't one to lose a game of silent chicken. Without moving his eyes, he dipped another piece of chicken - honey mustard this time, had to keep the rotation up - and took a bite. Keeping up just the hint of a smirk as he chewed, he resisted the urge to say something, and waited for Batman to start the conversation.

This was going to be fun.