darkslizer

Avohkii!

I get a job at the same charity. I steal the Mask using explosives and Rahkshi. Poor children join my evil army of evil. The mask is mine.

I'd say Kopaka and Tuyet. The only problem is that Tuyet was and is a violent sociopath. Not a very good point, but I stand by it.

I believe you are confusing sapience with sentience. Sentient means it is conscious, it can feel. I had to look up sapience, though. Dictionary.com says: sa·pi·ent   [sey-pee-uhnt] Show IPAadjective having or showing great wisdom or sound judgment. So no, I don't really think it contradicts much of anything. No offense to toa kopaka4372, but you spelled Makuta wrong. I don't blame you though, I've done that millions of times.

Honestly, I highly doubt that it is a Lego piece. It looks more like something from a set of ear buds. weird.

It was tired. Today, it had found nothing to destroy, nothing significant to eat, nothing. Darkness entered its lair. It was a small cave with three lightstones ringing around the interior, which served as a fallback food source. It had never needed to use it before. But since everything left the Universe, food was hard to find. It sensed something near its cave. Darkness's eyes glowed a deep, shadowy red as it rose to address the intruder. Darkness was hungry, so hungry. As it exited the cave, it noticed its intruder. It had silver armor and eyes that crackled with energy. It stood on two legs in a position that suggested confrontation. It hissed in Darkness's direction and raised its staff to unleash a burst of lightning. Darkness dove to the ground to avoid electrocution. It was so hungry, so hungry. Darkness blinded the being using its thoughts and then stabbed at it with its staff. The intruder fell to the ground and crashed in a small burst of electricity. Something slithered out of the intruder and into the forest surrounding the cave. Darkness flew through the forest and felt enraged that the intruder was made of protosteel. It could not eat it. Suddenly, Darkness spotted something else flying through the sky. It pursued the Rahi. It squawked as Darkness snatched it from the air and dove into its body. It shrieked with delight. Food! it chomped into the Rahi's skeleton as it hissed with pleasure. Food! Food! Lightning had lost its body. It was slithering around, a lowly creature! it deserved much better than this. It electrocuted any small Rahi it saw and devoured them. It soon returned to its lair, a hive for his kind. Thanks to its creator, there was a pool at the bottom of the hive that could transform beings like it to something more powerful. Lightning slithered to the top and pushed one of his own into the pool. The transformation began instantly. it grew arms and legs and a shiny, silver body. A staff appeared in its hand. Lightning jumped into its new weapon. It would have revenge on Darkness. Hunger stepped through a clearing in the forest and found a small hole in the ground. Being the curious creature that it was, it stepped into the hole. It found that the ground was a long way down from the entrance, so it hovered the rest of the way down. It discovered a massive cave that glittered in hues of purple, green, blue, and yellow. A flying creature sped toward Hunger, and it was promptly killed. Continuing on, Hunger encountered several more bat creatures. this could feed it for a week, and it did. while trekking through the rainbow cave, he found a huge chamber full of small blue and light green slug-like creatures that were shooting small lightning bolts at random places. Hunger saw a silvery being leave the chamber into the forest. It decided to invade the chamber. It noticed a small pool of a silver liquid in the center of the chamber. Hunger entered the chamber and used its powers to absorb the life from all the small creatures. The shriveled husks fell into the pool and broke down quickly. Hunger felt new and restored. He began to follow the silvery being to investigate. It might be going hunting. Darkness was walking leisurely through the clearing, proud of its prey. Looking into the sky, it saw a silver glint. That glint couldn't come from nature. Darkness tried to observe more closely and noticed that the silver glint was coming closer to it. It was the silver intruder! Lightning fired bolts of electricity from its staff, as it did before to Darkness. Darkness took cover in the trees while trying to formulate a plan. Darkness saw another being that seemed to be following Lightning. When it landed, It stabbed its staff into the ground and everything suddenly went cold, as if nothing would ever be happy again. Both Darkness and Lightning were suddenly weakened, though Hunger seemed to be getting stronger. Lightning unleashed one final blast of electricity, then turned grey and fell to the forest floor. the bolt was aimed at Hunger, but when it hit the target, it rebounded and struck Darkness. Hunger's powers receded, as it had lost focus. Darkness took the opportunity to attack. It used it powers to absorb the light around Hunger, essentially blinding it. As soon as Darkness noticed the chink in Hunger's armor, it charged. Its staff raised, Darkness was about to stab Hunger when everything suddenly froze. The stasis field was cast by a large, four-armed Rahkshi. He chuckled in front of his prisoners. Two of his arms ended in small claws, while one sported two large talon-like blades. The last available hand held the Staff of Obliteration, the Rahkshi's preferred weapon. "They'll be perfect." sneered Xevrekk, as he hypnotized the three Rahkshi with his icy blue eyes. The would be wild no more.

Well, at this time the Toa were more novice, so they shouldn't really take on Makuta right off the bat. I see what you mean, though.

The Keeper was one who thought more than he acted. He often thought of complicated battle plans that could win the Universe for the Brotherhood of Makuta in mere days, instead of the thousand year plan that Teridax planned. He thought and thought about everything, and it was a lot easier with access to the Library of Forbidden Knowledge. The Keeper was the protector of the labyrinth of shelves, millions of tablets with knowledge that could change a world forever. He had read every tablet in the Library, and it had taken him one thousand years. Nobody had ever stolen a tablet from the Library, and it was because The Keeper was so efficient. The fact that he almost couldn't die probably helped as well. The Keeper was a being that couldn't die, for if he did, the Forbidden Library would be unguarded, and anyone could rule a universe, even a mere Matoran. When he was created, he stood as another Makuta uttered an ancient language in front of him. The Keeper didn't understand it, but he understood what it did. He became a Unbreakable Guardian, an almost immortal being. But he could only spend his life guarding what he was assigned, and that was the Library of Forbidden Knowledge. There was only one way to kill an Unbreakable Guardian, to speak his name. Yes, it sounded easy, but no one knew his name. Only his creator did, and he never spoke, for both him and the Keeper would be killed if he did. Leaving the Library vulnerable would mean that Teridax would punish his creator with the maximum penalty; death. The Keeper suddenly heard a distant noise, like metal clinking on stone. An intruder, he thought. ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************Toa Ragna snatched the tablet and ran as fast as she could. Where is a mask of speed when you need one? she thought. It had taken her months to hatch a plan to invade Destral, and even then it wasn't perfect. There was still that piece of rock that had tried to eat her, but she found out that it loved Visorak, so she found a few, threw them at it, and ran. She was the only Toa of Shadow that was destined to be created. While the Toa Mata were in Karda Nui fighting the Avohkah, the Order of Mata Nui said that a Toa was needed that could fight and turn the Makutas' powers back on themselves, so she became a Toa of shadow. She still didn't know why she was chosen to do this, but her powers had been effective against the Makuta. The corridor was suddenly filled with a horrible screech. It seemed that the Guardian of the Library had found her. She Launched several shadow bolts at her enemy, but she already felt the cold, blue tendrils of a Makuta's sleep power closing in on her, and she slipped gently into unconciousness. She awoke with a creature with a warped face looking down at her. His face looked almost like that of a Bohrok Va's, but much darker and more evil. "So you tried to steal a tablet," It hissed. "How very brave,""I'll never accept a compliment from the likes of you!" Ragna shouted. "Who are you anyway?""But, Toa, you are the likes of us, you are a being of Shadow. As for who I am, I am the Keeper. I guard the Library of Forbidden Knowledge, the Library which you so foolishly stole from,"Ragna felt her power returning. She could escape from the clutches of this beast very soon. "I don't suppose you know what that tablet is about?" The Keeper asked. Without waiting for an answer, he replied "Of course you don't, but I do. And this tablet will return to the Library right now."Ragna suddenly released a huge blast of Shadow right at The Keeper. She ran and ran and ran. Sure, she didn't have the tablet, but nobody would if she didn't get out of here and tell her fellow Order Members what they were facing. The Keeper was furious. But the rage quickly passed. Even if she did escape, she did not have the tablet. He sent a mental message to all the Rahkshi patrolling the fortress. Even if she escaped the Library, she wouldn't escape the island. Ragna was suddenly surrounded by silver Rahkshi. she shot Shadow bolts at a few and ran through the gap in the circle. She hid among the rocks, where the Rahkshi would eventually find her, and they would kill her. Still, if she couldn't escape, she could cause a little collateral damage. just as her first shadow bolt went flying, a Rahkshi staff jabbed at her side and she was brutally electrocuted. No no no! The Rahkshi can't kill me! I have to tell the Order w-what...t-t-tell the O-O-Order... she sent a mental message to the Order right before she breathed for the very last time.

Ok, so I think that since it is called a mask of concealment instead of invisibility, I assume that it is more of a camouflaged than an invisible being. I don't really know for sure though, but I think some of the confusion is because of the creative liscense in the movie. In conclusion, I believe it is more like the Chameleon Makuta power rather than invisibility. Interesting, though.P.S.I see now.Or maybe I don't... (I couldn't resist...)Har dee har har.

Mine isn't all that different in the Matoran Universe. But I would have never included Bara Magna in the story at all, except that the Toa discovered it through a telescope or something. So, everything would happen up until the Reign of Shadows began, then Lego would start making official sets for the Dark Hunters and beings that banded with the Toa in the sorta "Surviver" part of the story. Then the Mask of Life landed on a meteorite or something and it's power over life would turn it into Bara Magna. Then the Toa would discover it through their telescope, where they would find the Mask there. Then Makuta would begin to travel there, but not in a robot, but a shadowy cloud or something like that, there he would release his Rahkshi armies unto Bara Magna, where there would be no stupid Agori, Glatorians, or Skrall, just some minor Rahi. The MU would be a universe, not just a giant robot, and the Toa would teleport to Bara Magna, probably through Destral. Then they would have a big fight, put the new Bara Magna in tatters, Takanuva destroys a ton of Rahkshi, The Toa Nuva, except for Tahu, who would sacrifice himself to destroy Makuta, would be fighting with Lewa, Pohatu, and Kopaka in the Codrex vehicles. So, anyway, Tahu sacrifices himself (because he is the closest thing to a main character) to save the Universe. Bara Magna is destroyed in the battle, the survivors return to the MU, and everything is happy again, except for the few villains that survive to cause trouble, like some of the Dark Hunters and Karzahni. It would turn out that Krika survived and went away to rule some sort of Ghost Universe when Gorast "killed" him. He invades, and the Toa defend, they manage to banish him. The End.

Overall, I loved this. I believe that the whole second-person narration is quite difficult. Not only that, but you managed to advertise and suggest several short stories and an epic. Very interesting how you transitioned from story to stories. I've said this on all short stories I've reviewed though: I think that a one-post story should have something of a font that fits the character or characters, so as to increase the depth of the characters' personalities. For example, in my short story, Madman In Chains, I used this font: Comic Sans MS. I think this font loosely captured a madman, with the slightly crazy writing.

I feel really stupid right now, because I love this song, but what is it called?

Viva La Vida by Coldplay

The Legend Of Korra finale was awesome! I have a feeling there wasn't a numbering issue or anything, but I saw episode 9 On demand and I saw the finale, but I can't find episode 10 On Demand. Anyone care to elaborate? If I'm missing an episode I want to know where I can find it. please!

I thought the story was, overall, pretty good. The whole thing where the narrator is described as a pawn or a weapon rather than an actual being.My only complaint is this (And most would find it unimportant): I don't think the story is absolutely perfect until it has a font that vaguely matches the character. That's just my opinion, however, don't feel the need to drastically change everything.

I feel really stupid right now, because I love this song, but what is it called?

First thoughts: An interesting idea left with a cliffhanger. Karzahni's backstory and his past self.I'm disappointed that this was so short. I felt like this should have been the full tale of Karzahni's descent to madness, the way you started the story with Karzahni being imprisoned and reflecting on how much he wanted to kill Lesovikk. Instead you started off with a slow though mildly-choppy idea (more on this in a bit) that Karzahni has begun to feel dissatisfied with his current location and occupation. From there you speed things up to a summary of a string of events that ends with Karzahni imprisoning Tren Krom, which doesn't tie into the idea that started this off: that he's reflecting on how he ended up chained to the rock and how much he wants to destroy Lesovikk. I feel like you could have added a lot more detail into the characters involved and how the deal was made. (Add some dialogue, some descriptions of their settings, some context and emotion to their exchange and this could be fantastic!) Bring the story full circle, include the confrontation with Lesovikk, the fight, and the conclusion. For added dramatic effect, finish it off with Karzahni imprisoned and discovering how to make a fish go mad for the first time.About the choppy writing: I understand the short, piece-by-piece, sentence-fragment style but it should be used for emphasis and not as the primary method of bringing your story alive. It loses all its meaning if done too often. Case in point:

He didn't find anything suitable here. So he moved on. In another room, a dark, ancient one. He saw a chest plate in the room with a small opal-like gem in the center. Yet the gem was a dark stone, like it had an entire night sky in its tiny surface.

If you were trying to make this appear as his thoughts or another real-world event that would cause information to be broken up into small segments (a strobe light, flashes of lightning, fits of insanity, etc) then this works well, but in context it's merely him wandering from room to room searching for something to spice up his lab.

He didn't find anything suitable here so he moved on to another room; a dark, ancient one. He saw a chest plate in the room with a small opal-like gem in the center, like an opal. Yet the gem was a dark stone, like it had an entire night sky in its tiny surface.

That sort of thing. Make complete sentences with subjects, and make sure if you put a bit in that's supposed to clarify something from the previous sentence (yet) it flows with the idea expressed last. Here I take yet to mean there was something about the gem that wasn't quite like an opal, as suggested. When worded the other way around, the last idea in my mind is that the gem is in the center of the armour, so continuing to describe the gem forces me to throw my train of thought in reverse, even if just for a moment. If you take greater care to make sure your sentences and topics flow into each other it will make your stories far easier to read.

I dunno, just some thoughts. Take my suggestions as you will and don't be too hard on yourself. I'm here to help you improve. Just keep practicing and ask fellow writers for suggestions! I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!

I don't think Karzhani began as evil, just a little creepy. Eventually, when he found out that he couldn't adequately fix matoran, he was overcome with guilt and slowly descended into madness. When he entered Mahri Nui, he battled with Lesovikk, which made the Lego company brand him as a villain. He also fought Makuta Teridax, though not alongside the Toa, so he can't really be called a hero. (hero might be a stretch, good guy, maybe.) Plus, while on the island of Karzhani, he virtually tortured the Matoran that later became Toa Inika. Also, he took Jaller's mask, which was Lhikan's mask of shielding. So, in my opinion, that makes him a pretty bad guy. He didn't know, though, so I won't put too much blame on him. When Lesovikk and friends chained him to a rock, he was completely mad. So, in conclusion, more mad and demented rather than evil.

It was also near the Northern Continent and Zakaz, though. I think it just happened to be placed there.

Well the only "fixed" and returned Matoran we know of are from the southern continent, and we know of none in Metru Nui, so that might cast doubt on that idea. But since the GBs put him there, the question is if they knew he'd be such a bad repairer. I'm presuming not, and so that idea still makes the most sense. And maybe he just didn't return anybody from Metru Nui.Also, a maintenance center is kind of secondary in most large systems. The best locations are given to the main functions, like the brain of Metru Nui in the head, the heart and probably other key functions in the torso. And in the arms would be too distant. That leaves the neck area.

I assume that it could, but it was avoided story-wise, most likely because of the ending that would result. all the Makuta would die, no competition to awaken Mata Nui. So basically, if Ignika did do that, the ending would suck. It would not be as good, even if it didn't suck a lot.

I have a feeling that the Toa canisters have repulsion emanators or something in them that will assist in breaking objects the Canisters go through as well as the impact. Interesting theory, though.

The Ba-Matoran could probably jump higher because of lesser gravity. The Matoran of Plasma can probably withstand higher heat than Ta-Matoran, considering that Plasma is hotter than fire. Matoran of Plant Life probably have green thumbs (assuming that they have thumbs, or the green thumb term, but you know what I mean.) Matoran of Magnetism could possibly have a more powerful clutch on metal things, like their hands would have some aspect of magnets attracting. I think that Plasma Matoran would be called Pa-Matoran. Matoran of Plant Life might be called Gre-Matoran. Matoran of Psionics, Psi-Matoran. (that one sounds a little unoriginal, but what are ya gonna do?) I'm not sure about any of the others, though.

I have recently been studying up on my Kraata powers. (I've always been a little rusty on them.) I have a couple questions.1) Do the Rahkshi and Kraata of Darkness absorb light and turn it into energy, or do they just release it in a shadow blast or something?2) What is the difference between electricty and chain lightning?Feel free to post any other questions you may have about kraata powers and answers to any questions posted here. Note: This topic is very similar to the Heat Vision and Laser Vision topic. Please do not post any questions/answers here that should be posted there.

My favorite heroes:1. Takanuva 2. Kongu (both matoran and Toa form had me hooked!) 3. Onua.My favorite villains:1. KRIKA!! duh! he tried to save the Universe. I'm starting to think that I probably should have listed him as a hero, but he did kill a lot of people. 2. Teridax. He attempted to rule the Universe and succeeded! 3. Mantax. Mysterious, yet deep at the same time, and all while being a giant Manta Ray thing.My favorite character overall, though, would have to be Krika. He was a villain and a hero at the same time. Best of Both Worlds! (If you'll pardon the Miley Cirus pun, My sister loves Hannah Montana.)

The head has to be the best part. The Mahri Hewkii mask looks great on the Piraka face. The torso is nicly designed and the flamethrower looks great. Also, if this is a Skaldi, where are all of those spiky spines on the back?