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Janus

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Blog Entries posted by Janus

  1. Janus
    Our brave commander Wenglestump Sparklepants Shepard has come across two of his squad mates discussing the presence of a Spectre aboard their super shiny new spaceship. Wenglestum, having not had his coffee that morning and being in no mood to hear the ironically named "Joker" spout off conspiracy theories grouchily snapped "Cut the Chatter" and satisfyingly both Kaidan Alenko and Joker did so--until Joker decided to open his fat mouth again and try to talk to the captain to warn him about the Spectre heading back to talk to him...
     
    Only for the captain to respond "He's already here" as in "He's already here you dork, he heard you warn me about him. Way to make our ship look like it's full of super geniuses"
     
    Wenglestum has also been commanded to go discuss certain things with both the Spectre and Captain Anderson. Joker wants to make sure Wenglestum heard, but Wenglestum can't resist leaving one final comment
     
    1. Is He Upset? - Wenglestum wants to make sure Joker understands that was a silly comment in the most passive aggressive way possible.
    2. I Heard - Wenglestum is boring. So boring.
    3. You made him mad - Wenglestum doesn't even bother being subtle. Joker you messed up. Dork.
     
    "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
    "Elvis lives on in our hearts, in his music...and in a trailer park outside of Milwaukee."
     
     
  3. Janus
    Tired after a long day of doing whatever it is that he does aboard his ship, the proud commander Wenglestum retires to his quarters, eager to relax. Logging onto the extranet, he finds information about a new vid. Supposedly based on the hit "Mass Effect" trilogy. Having no idea exactly what that trilogy is about, but being curious nonetheless Wenglestum pays his credits and the vid is streamed directly to his quarters. At this point Wenglestum goes catatonic. The crew discovers him in his cabin days later, his mind so far gone that he's unable to handle even the most basic of tasks.
     
    BAD END
     
     
     
     
    Okay seriously, I loved ME1, I loved ME2 (Lair of the Shadowbroker DLC <3) and I plan to love ME3 (Yes, I know all about the ending. Hush) so I figured, hey, why not give this ME-anime a shot? I mean it's Mass Effect, which I love, and it's Animu, which I also love sometimes. Plus it's made by Studio I.G. who did GHOST IN THE SHELL. What could possibly go WRONG?
     
    EVERYTHING.
     
    I mean, some of it was hilarious so I wondered if maybe it was going to be one of those "So bad it's good" things, but alas it can't even live up to that. SO SPOILERS FOR MASS EFFECT PARAGON LOST BELOW. But seriously, nobody cares because this movie is terrible and awful and nobody likes it.
     
    It starts off with James Vega, who is part of a troop of Alliance soldiers consisting of:
    - Vega (The Shepard wannabe)
    - The Nerd
    - The chick
    - The sleazepile
    - The Pilot
    - The Sniper
    - The Captain.
     
    Anyhow they have to stop the Blood Pack Mercs from attacking this place because REASONS. But the shuttle they're in gets TORN IN HALF by a laser--and they all somehow survive. Because also reasons.
     
    Anyhow with the cap out of the action, Vega comes up with a DARING PLAN to defeat the Krogans. It consists of being dumb, but it works anyhow, and they take a Krogan prisoner of war (Which I'm sure happens all the time. The Krogran love being taken alive and dying of old age, after all)
     
    Skip forward two years and DEAR GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT CHILD'S VOICE. Vega's a hero and people love him, except for the Asari who he is totally in love(?) with because she's all snooty and he's a dumb soldierman. HE'S SO HARD DONE BY.
     
    Long story short, collectors attack and people start dying (thank god) but the order they die in is something straight out of every stereotpyical horror movie ever. Let's look at the casualty list in order, shall we?
    - The chick
    - The Pilot (Who happens to be black)
    (Protip: If you see the face of the girl you like in and amongst 29 other metallic skulls trapped inside a giant death robot. DO NOT RUN TOWARDS IT)
    - The nerd
     
    Also there's some silliness with the captured Krogan from before being like "YOU SAVED ME AND THAT MEANS I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH" and I kept waiting for the betrayal but it DIDN'T COME. HE MEANT IT.
     
    And some other people die later. But really, that's all we need to see. Also the sleazepile has multiple death fakeouts before he finally dies in the end. He is a bad person and I don't like him.
     
    Also the 'choice'--well, let's put it up to the test.
    1. Save the Asari you love and maybe loves you back? Also has data on collectors
    2. Save your Captain and ALL OF THE HUMAN COLONISTS
     
    Also they tried too hard to make Cerberus the bad guy. I mean when you have the collectors working for the REAPERS who are working to exterminate humanity, having this lame old human guy being like "NYAH. I AM EEEVIL" I mean we all know Cerberus is bad, but that's just silly.
     
    Seriously, I just kept waiting for this movie to end. If I had bought it (instead of renting it) I would have literally destroyed my copy of it.
     
    But yeah, actually answer that choice. I'm curious as to what you choose. He chose wrong in my opinion.
    (PS. Plz don't put Admiral Hackett or Captain Anderson in your movie if you don't actually get their Voice Actors. Thanks!)
  4. Janus

    Enough!

    By Janus,

    Okay guys, that's it. It's time to sit down, simmer down, and just CHILL.
     
    I (as in I as a person, rather than I as a Global Moderator) am SICK of the constant bickering and back-and-forth going on all over the forums. Including right here in my own blog.
     
    I FULLY support debates, and enjoy them quite a bit, truth be told. But this isn't debating, there is nothing respectful or even civilized. This is a constant nattering between two groups who refuse to listen to each other.
     
    So stop talking.
     
    That's the answer, guys. I have my opinion, you have your opinion. We are all entitled to our own opinions and should be encouraged to vocalize them, be they positive or negative. Vocalize them in a CIVILIZED manner, though.
     
    Attacking someone for hating something, or for liking it--is frankly immature. Condescending to someone because they don't like something you do/like something you don't is utterly ridiculous.
     
    Basically I'm issuing a call to reason. Use your brains and stop this pathetic conflict. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
     
    We can do better than this.
  6. Janus

    Stream Of Conciousness

    By Janus,

    This is verbatim transcription (That means all the spelling mistakes and errors are intact) of writing I did this morning at roughly 4:00 AM after being unable to sleep (And finding that WinAmp Skin I wanted. Until the point that I begun writing I was operating the computer essentially blind, meaning no glasses)
     
     
    Well, this is quite the experiment. I’m writing blind here, literally blind. Eyes closed I’m relying only on mu drndr og youvh snf yhr dounf yo huifr mr.
    Z
    Music is a rhythm, a flow, something that we can follow and be inspired by. That’s what I’m allowing to lead me now. I’m simple alloinw myself to sit here,eyes closed ed and completely in sync with the msuci playing. Heck, I have no ideda how many spelling mistakes I’m making. Likely hundres. But the fact remains that I cannot see what I’m writing and will not see until tomorrow.
     
    And that’s beautiful, isn’t it?
     
    Trying something new, just for the heck of it!
     
    In fact I was trying to sleep before this massive surge of inspiration overcame me: So now here I am, at somewhere near 3:000 in the morning sitting on my computer and typing blind—why? Because I can. Because the world allows me to. Because this is what I choose to do.
     
    Choose, not decide. To actually choose is to hdo it with no reason why. And that’s why I’m doing this. Because I choose to, because I just wanted to do it. And it’s interesting.
     
    Seriously, the senstations one feels typing blind is incredible.
    My blody actually sfells like its changing shape.
     
    But the music stopped now. My guiding force has gone silent and so the moment of inspiration has passed. In fact I already feel the heavy coat of sleep settling over my shoulders, running up and ffown my neck. I can feel the bbuttons seeming to grow smaller and smaller anas my hands grow larger and large, inflating with the gross movements of a tired body.
     
    It’s a strange feeling, in my minds eye I can seee all sorts of things, but then I feel them. My body senses them as though they were true. Now my fingers are inflated and swollen like some sort of strange sausisage, now the keyboard is curved and spherical. Now I’m skinny as a twig with long spindly fingers that can dance over the mite sized keyboard with ease.
     
    I think I’m donw now. The keys have grown large and small, my fingers have shrunk and grown, and my minds eye has swollen and felcated. Everything’s run its natural course and so too is my stream of conciousness coming to an end.
     
    Perhaps I’ll edit this tomorrow. Perhaps not.
    Goodnight everyone,
     
    My love find you and carry you forward.
     
  7. Janus
    Wenglestum has taken a long time to think about his response--about seven days honestly--which kind of begs the question of how/when he: went to the bathroom, ate, slept, showered, trained, brushed his teeth, styled his hair, shaved, and a multitude of other things. But pushing aside those logistical nightmares Wenglestum responds to Joker with such a well-crafted passive aggressive attack that if you hadn't been paying attention you almost would have taken it for genuine concern.
     
    Joker of course misses the entire thing and responds with "The captain always sounds that way when he talks to me" DRAT. Another passive aggressive zinger foiled by Joker's semi-awareness.
     
    It's at this time that Wenglestum (leaving the cockpit now) really starts to realize just how many people are on this ship--and thinking in broader terms, just how many people are in this entire galaxy. I mean, surely nobody would expect him to talk to all of them and want to sift through every element of his conversation like some sort of insane micromanager. WOULD THEY?
     
    These thoughts weigh heavily on Wenglestum as he moves closer to the captain's quarters.
     
    1. Will Wenglestum only post questions dealing with Renegade/Paragon options
    2. Will Wenglestum post questions dealing with Renegade/Paragon options and anything he thinks is funny or interesting?
    3. Will Wenglestum talk to everyone in the entire Galaxy. NO.
     
     
    "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
    "If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents."
  9. Janus

    Decisions

    By Janus,

    It finally happened to me. I found my Mass Effect Dilemma.
     
    Everyone tells me about their Mass Effect Dilemma, where they didn't know what to choose--and while I know I still have a doozy coming up (I spoiled myself years in advance) I found my first one last night.
     
    I've been completing loyalty quests for fun, and so far I've done: Miranda, Jacob, Jack, and Tali. I was in the middle of Garrus'--or rather at the end.
     
    Spoilers inevitably follow:
     
     
     
    And I'm going to be honest I didn't know what to do. On the one hand I needed to secure Garrus' loyalty, I can't let my mission against the collectors fail, it's life or death for humanity. On the other hand I don't want that Garrus. I don't want to let a friend become that. Additionally I don't think what he's doing is right--do I risk standing up to him and thus lose him as an asset in the war against the collectors? Or do I allow him to go through with what he wants and have a guilty conscience for what I allowed him to do?
     
    Or do I cheat, minimize, go check the wiki, and then answer?
     
    (The answer is the last one, by the way)
  10. Janus

    Why My Room Is A Nightmare

    By Janus,

    And hark I hear the angels sing!
     
    Yes, up until now my computer has been sporadic and a general nightmare, interrupting my schedule and my planned updates (Monday, Wednesday, Friday, by the way)
     
    BUT, now that I have a UPS (Universal Power Supply) for my computer I. AM. BACK. And it feels so good!
     
    So without anything futher, I bring to you to the main purpose of this deranged entry.


    WHY MY ROOM IS A NIGHTMARE 
    My room is rather small.
     
    Not super small, not by any great stretch, but it's a fairly small place...It's also missing a wall, but that's another subject altogether.
     
    No, my room is a nightmare because it's so small, and because I have so much bloody stuff...Or rather, because I can't organize it properly.
     
    Envision this if you will, My room is likely about 12 ft 10 ft. Not the smallest by any convential means, but certainly a rather small location.
     
    Now fill it with a computer desk, a night table, a small rolling cabinet, two large clothes dressers, one large armchair, and a large set of shelves.
     
    Then add in the MASSIVE amount of LEGO from Age 5 onwards, add in the rather impressive (If I do say so myself) book collection, add in the assorted odds and ends, add in the swords, add in the gargantuan amount of CD's and DVD's, add in the Comic books, add in the manuals, the models, the writing supplies scattered all across my room, and of course all of the assorted tech pieces that hang around.
     
    Now take every last one of these and scatter them all across my room. Especially the floor.
     
    That's why my room is a nightmare, because I've been cleaning it for the past three weeks.
     
    BUT, I gotta say, it's also a dream. It's so much fun going through everything in my room, and reorganizing it. I still feel twinges of both pride and nostalgia when I crack open a plastic container and find a toy that I bought when I was maybe four or five. I still have little bits and pieces that I love to death, and don't plan to get rid of.
     
    But I also feel I'm doing a good thing, not only am I making my room cleaner and more organized, I'm also helping others. I have two boxes full of stuff I'm giving away, and am already halfway through another bag. I'm also just plain getting rid of recycle and garbage that's sat around for forever.
     
    So I suppose my room's a nightmare simply because it's not finished yet.
     
    Coming Soon: On the current state of BIONICLE
    Ruby Gloom
    Judgement: BIONICLE reborn
  11. Janus
    I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
    With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
    When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
    Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

    I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
    "Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
    "Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
    I probably would have kept on guessing
    But about that time we crashed into the truck

    And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
    Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
    Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

    Everything you know is wrong
    Black is white, up is down and short is long
    And everything you thought was just so
    Important doesn't matter

    Everything you know is wrong
    Just forget the words and sing along
    All you need to understand is
    Everything you know is wrong

    I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
    When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
    And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
    Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

    They sucked out my internal organs
    And they took some polaroids
    And said I was a darn good sport
    And as a way of saying thank you
    They offered to transport me back to
    Any point in history that I would care to go

    And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
    So I could pay my phone bill on time
    Just then the floating disembodied head of
    Colonel Sanders started yelling

    Everything you know is wrong
    Black is white, up is down and short is long
    And everything you thought was just so
    Important doesn't matter

    Everything you know is wrong
    Just forget the words and sing along
    All you need to understand is
    Everything you know is wrong

    I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
    When I got a nasty papercut
    And, well, to make a long story short
    It got infected and I died

    So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
    By the pearly gates
    And it's obvious he doesn't like
    The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
    He tells me that they've got a dress code

    Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
    But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
    For all eternity
    And every day he runs by screaming

    Everything you know is wrong
    Black is white, up is down and short is long
    And everything you used to think was so important
    Doesn't really matter anymore
    Because the simple fact remains that

    Everything you know is wrong
    Just forget the words and sing along
    All you need to understand is
    Everything you know is wrong
    Everything you know is wrong
  14. Janus

    The Truth behind stuff.

    By Janus,

    Becca and I have come to the conclusion that Animal Crossing: City Folk takes place within the Capitol.
     
    Also that President Snow only became President because he wanted to be the mayor in Animal Crossing SO BADLY.
  15. Janus

    The Truth

    By Janus,

    (18)
     
    Really not much to say, I've had stuff on my mind. Some of that came out in tonight's entry, some of it didn't.
     
    Oh, play Cave Story.
     
    Word Count: 991
     
    Enjoy.
     

     

    The Truth 
    I'm writing this (though I am more than away it's no story) not so much for purposes of entertainment, so much as the purpose of expressing myself and allowing you to better know me.
     
    I've always found that writers use their art to express who they are, and upon some self-reflection I found I needed something a little more...intensive, shall we say?
     
    You see, for as long as I can recall people have found me an interesting individual, whether it was my writing, my viewpoints, my MOCs or Models--people have always found me someone who they enjoyed speaking with. Why?
     
    I really couldn't tell you.
     
    You see, the truth is...I'm not. I'm not an interesting individual, in fact this entire entry is dedicated to that very fact. It amazes me daily to know that I've inspired people and that people find me fascinating--because quite frankly I'm nothing more than anybody else. More particularly I'm more annoying than most.
     
    I hide it, I've always been able to hide it remarkably well (and that has obviously served me in my life) however the fact remains, and seems to have eternally remained--I am but a boy with delusions of grandeur.
     
    Truly it is infuriating.
     
    You see, I write because I enjoy it. I truly do. There are all sorts of things that I have written, or drawn into concepts that nobody (and I do mean nobody) will never ever see. Why? Because I love writing and always have.
     
    But then I get that little worm of a thought into my brain that little "I should post this" parasite that niggles into my thoughts...and shortly thereafter my will is reduced into...well, nothing. I almost always end up posting it, and then I watch, I wait. I act like a hawk slowly circling, ever circling its prey.
     
    I wait and I wait and I wait for that first comment.
     
    And then it comes! And my thoughts?
     
    "Well, that was okay"
     
    And then I return to my waiting, my watching. I await what I view as the inevitable second comment. Often I wait for quite some time...or I give up waiting as I realize that the comment isn't coming.
     
    "But wait!" you cry,
    "Isn't this entry supposed to be about you, and your delusions of Grandeur?"
     
    Ah, patience gentle reader. It is.
     
    This is not by any means a slandering of those who do not leave comments, I do not even know you, how could I possibly slander you?
     
    No, this is more to say that I expect it. Why do I expect it? Because clearly I am superior, clearly I am quite an incredible person with amazing talent and surely everyone will realize it when I post this handwoven masterpiece of supreme amazingness!
     
    Yes. I am that bloody arrogant.
     
    This is what my mind whispers to me, day in and day out.
     
    Now I do my best to counteract this pervasive influence, but one has only ask my friends...honestly -ask- them, and they will tell you.
     
    I get defensive with my writing, I get catty and snarky and angry and bitter when people make comments on my writing--why? Is it because I believe in my craft and think that these comments are obviously out to insult?
     
    Lord no. It's because deep in my mind all I can see is "How could they not like it? I mean, I did my best HOW AM I NOT THE BEST?" Arrogance at its finest.
     
    When at last my inner egomaniac is subjected I am left with a feeling of melancholy and sadness, because I clearly cannot be the best. Clearly I am the worst, I am nothing and I am terrible.
     
    While that was done out of sarcasm, that is truly the thoughts that play through my mind.
     
    Really, I'd love for this not to be the truth. I'd love to just be able to say to people "Yes, I am that amazing." I'd love to be able to actually believe what people say about me and my work. But I've fought long and hard against allowing my ego to consume me, and I have to continue.
     
    Because I am the most arrogant person you will ever meet. Though I am not proud of it, I look down on people who I do not even know--because they're 'wrong' and they clearly 'don't understand' and a litany of other ridiculously stupid excuses.
     
    I have always believed, even from the youngest of ages that I was destined for something better, that somehow I above all others was superior, was the better of everyone else--how this happened, what with two older sisters who were all too quick to put me in my place, I will never understand--but regardless it did.
     
    In fact, for as long as I can recall I've been having experiences that have simply cemented that twisted thought, the thought that I am in fact inherently superior to the rest of the planet. Some were paranormal in nature and some not--the common thread amongst them is very simple, in looking back I cannot honestly detach the true event from my embellishment. Because no matter what I must be the best.
     
    I am a fool with delusions of grandeur. I think I am far better than I am.
     
     
    This is not to say that I do not accept any of my talents. I am not here to say I am a terrible person and I should be reviled and suffer the slings and arrows of the world.
     
    I'm saying don't always believe what you see. I'm an expert at maintaining a facade, I have been for a frighteningly long time.
     
    And please, please, please feel free to call me on my arrogance. Do not allow me to insult you or your works in my tone or my actions.
     
    That's really all I have to say. I just needed to get out the truth.
  16. Janus

    In which we ruin BIONICLE

    By Janus,

    So Becca and I like to do voices. Stupid voices, the stupidest voices. We also like BIONICLE.
     
    Somehow this ended up with us reading BIONICLE comics (The original ones, you whippersnappers!) in said stupid voices--and for some unearthly reason recording it.
     
    So if you've lost all will to live, read along with us by using this handy-dandy .PDF version of Comic 1
     
    Then click on this link (Or right click and save as, if you're crazy) and let us destroy your feeble mind.
  17. Janus

    So.

    By Janus,

    So, this is a blog, eh?
     
    Heh, I've played around with such things before, but to have one on BZPower is rather unique. I honestly never expected to be utilizing such a feature on this site-- but then I realized how odd it would be for the Blog Leader (Or thought police commander, if I do say so m'self) to be minus a blog, and thus I created what you see before you.
     
    This will generally be a place where I post any oddities or interests I have. Any appropriate writing may be sneak-peeked here, and perhaps you'll even find out why I'm such a bitter, jaded, husk of a man.
     
    Except not.
     
    Thought Police Commander signing off,
     
    -Janus
  18. Janus
    ... is that he leaves himself logged in to his computer at all times, so I pretty much have free access to his account.
     
    ♥ you, Rob!
     
    - HH
     
    (honestly aside from this, all I really do with his account is fix his spelling and grammar, and edit his profile and then wait until 3 months later when he actually notices)
  19. Janus
    I've received exactly THREE reports for the ENTIRE day, guys.
     
    It really doesn't take much to report innaproriate content, and it makes my life far easier, I can't browse every section of the forum every day, I still need to teach little ones how to kick serious butt.
  20. Janus
    Being that last entry was totally non-canon and didn't count at all (what, did you actually think it was that easy to get the bad end? NO) let's move on with the amazing adventures of Commander Wenglestum Sparklepants Shepard
     
    After a moment of thinking, Wenglestum has perfect clarity of thought and responds to the Doctor, explaining quite clearly what her job is, and how soldiers get hurt because of reasons. She naturally snaps at him and gets all upset. Jeese, how rude?

    It's then that Wenglestum looks into Jenkins face and suddenly he can't control himself anymore. The secrets, the lies--it's all too much. What he feels must be public and to heck with the consequences! With sweaty palms Wenglestum bends down to pop the question....
     
     
    ...and promptly gets dragged into the Captain's office by some Turian Spectre thing. JEESE DOESN'T ANYONE BELIEVE IN ROMANCE ANYMORE?
     
    Anyhow the Spectre proceeds to blab on about how the mission isn't really just boring stuff, but maybe exciting stuff will also happen, and then without warning the Captain appears in his quarters (What are the odds???) and explains that it's even BETTER, Wenglestum himself is under review for Spectre status himself! He supposes he'll let the whole yanking-away-from-his-fiance slide this time--I mean he might get the power to do whatever he wants! One could almost say he would get to skirt the rules--perhaps because of his money!
     
    But suddenly Wenglestum is snapped out of his reverie, as the navigator patches through a feed from Eden Prime (the planet they were going to visit I guess?) and lots of people are dying. Wenglestum also has to suppress a giggle at what seems to be a soldier dressed in white and pink armor? I mean, how Gauche!
     
    Shortly later Kaidan and Jenkins are on the surface of Eden Prime--and it has certainly seen better days. They wander around for a bit (because seriously, Wenglestum's sense of direction is terrible. There's a reason he's not the navigator of the Normandy--and also why people don't let him drive the Normandy) before Jenkins lets his PASSION get the best of him and runs ahead of the rest of the team--and is cruelly cut down in his prime.
     
    Wenglestum stops for a moment, his entire world ending as he watches his fiance fall under a hail of bullets. Full of rage and sadness he shoots the floating robot things before running over to inspect the body of his beloved. It's time to make a choice--the entire mission is counting on him.
     
     
    1. He deserves a burial - It was Wenglestum's fiance for heaven's sake--he at least deserves that much, right?
    2. We can't help him now - The cold hard reality is that they're in the middle of an active war zone, and as much as he meant, he's done.
    3. Forget about him - Wenglestum can't deal with what just happened. He has to rationalize the damage that's been done to his life and treat him like any other soldier.
     
    "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
    "WIN A FREE TRIP TO TAHITI" (We won, we won, we won!)
  21. Janus
    That's right, if you read that title up there you'll realize I'm tired of this blog and I'll be deleting it within a few days. This is the end.
     
    Haha, no.
     
    The title up there refers to The End, by master author Lemony Snicket of the Series of Unfortunate Events. In fact when we first discovered the thirteenth unfortunate book in the tragic tale of the Baudelaire orphans it was known as that At this time called The End. Frankly, upon retrospect and finishing the book myself I agree with this title more. The End conveys the finality that was had in this final volume but not the...feel of the book. It needs that more mythical feel of At this time called The End
     
    I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the final iteration in the sad saga of the Baudelaire orphans. It was certainly unlike anything I've read before, and even managed to differ significantly from the other books in the Series of Unfortunate Events in the overall feel of the book. I knew it would be something that varied from the rest but I suppose I wasn't expecting such a large distance between the twelfth and thirteenth unlucky tales.
     
    I won't spoil anything in the book, not only because I fear Puffin's wrath, but also simply out of respect for all of those who have yet to read it. It's one of those things that you need to actually read because of all that happens.
     
    I will however say that I was left feeling slightly hollow at the end of the book, whether that was because I was feeling sick, frustrated with my impended progress on computer repairs/upgrades and slightly tired is unknown at this time. Perhaps I'll give it another read-through after my mom's finished and see what she thinks.
     
    I'll also say that it's undoubtedly not what you're expecting. It is not a nice wrap-up of everything in a neat little bow. I'll give it a few more weeks before I post my actual thoughts, however. As I don't want to spoil anyone.
  22. Janus

    Lego Star Wars Ii

    By Janus,

    'lo all.
     
    I'm actually going to make the odd attempt to update this blasted thing every once in a while. Especially as I have set out my entries ahead of time. I'm actually working on a deadline or something, it's rather creepy.
     
    Now, first off, some things I neglected to mention about Gurumin:
     
    A. The little girl fights with a DRILL. Giant magic drill, it's fairly awesome. In addition to this, every strike you make levels up your drill, and there are up to three levels to achieve--however it's not a set thing, if you're hit too many times at any level, you will be forced back to an earlier level. This is easily tracked on the drill gauge.
     
    B. The attacks you learn are fabulous and awesome, in addition to the standard hilarious attacks (Pretty missile kick, etc) there are learnable attacks that you gain by purchasing drill upgrades--why are these so wonderful? Because they were made for the button masher. Lah and I button-mashed our way through more combos than ever before, but it was also very possible to learn the combos and execute them precisely. Plus there are elements for the drill, Fire parts, shock parts, and ice parts. It's a surprisingly customizable weapon.
     
    C. Unlike most other games, Healing is awesome. Rather than taking a med-pack, getting a band-aid, drinking medecine, etc...there are two different ways of healing in this game. The first is the heal point, which looks like a stone platform which suddenly engulfs you in light and has a circle of runes encircling you. It's surprisingly cool looking. Two...you eat, but you don't just eat boring foods, no, you eat COOKIES and CHOCOLATE and STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE (which Parin loves more than life itself) each of which restores a different amount of life. Of course the kid's also able to ingest GEMSTONES, which is slightly creepy..but hey!
     
    Now to the main reason of this entry...
     

     

    LEGO Star Wars: II 
    This game is also awesome, super-awesome even, it is basically TIED with Gurumin in levels of awesome--and I even have a slightly glitchy-slowish-annoying-at-times copy!
     
    LEGO Star Wars II is fairly obviously all 'bout Star Wars--but in this case it is the ORIGINAL Trilogy (Which I adore, ew, prequels) AKA episodes IV, V, and VI.
     
    The story naturally follows these three episodes, tying each together flawlessly. The central hub of this game is Mos Eisley Cantina, wherein you can go to various destinations. Listed here.
    The Bar - where you can receive hints, unlock extras, input codes, and buy extra characters (As well as check your overall progress and time.) It also autosaves for you here The Bacta tanks - where you can create your own terrible LEGO Monstrosity. I call mine Princess <3 The Outside - where you can look at your various spaceships and vehicles that you unlock. Wireless cafe - which is fairly obvious. Here's your WiFi area for multiple players The Episodes - At first only IV is available, but upon completing the first mission V and VI are unlocked, allowing you to play them in any order you want (I'm a purist, IV first!) Extras - a PSP exclusive where you can fight the bosses of Episodes I, II, and III (As well as unlock certain characters) But that's not all! If you're a character with a blaster, blow the stuffing out of the chairs in the Cantina and you'll receive studs--if you're a Sith or Jedi you can use your mumbo-jumbo on the lightymajigs and get more studs. (They're money, Puffin. Money, not men) 
    Gameplay is fairly simple, if somewhat disturbing in that you are an unholy ghost that posesses people's bodies--I'm semi serious. By pressing the triangle button a shock of blue light goes from one character to the other (If you only have two characters on screen) and suddenly you control the other. Kinda creepy o.o;
     
    Luckily the fun doesn't end there! (Because if it did, this would be one lame game) as there's so much unlockable content--the game can be 'beaten' and then it can be Mastered. Beating the level does litttle unless you can find the various things hidden within. For example, in every one of the 30(!) levels, there are 10 Mini-capsule kits and One power brick, discovering each of these is worth one gold brick (There are seemingly 150 in all) Additionally beating the level gets you another gold brick, attaining True Jedi status (IE: Getting a lot of money. Apparently all you have to do to be a Jedi is get lots and lots and lots of money. I'm down with that) gets you a fourth, and finally playing the level in the PSP-exclusive Challenger mode gets you a fifth. There are five gold bricks in each level.
     
    Naturally it would be too easy for you to only have to play through once to hit all the Mini-capsules, so the creators made it a wee more difficult--and fun. Once you've played through the story mode you unlock freeplay, in which you can choose which character you play as (7 or so additional characters will be randomly assigned in order to give you the best range of abilities) Which is incredibly fun, especially as each character is unique. For example: Captain Antilles does a strange little dance before removing his blaster, Princess Leia seems to enjoy slapping people a bit too much, and Imperial forces cannot double-jump--instead they fall flat on their face.
     
    Certain areas are only accessible to certain members, for example some doors are locked by a Stormtrooper only camera, whereas some areas are available through certain abilities that you must discover, IE: Blowing up everything with thermal detonators until something finally explodes.
     
    IN ADDITION TO THIS (Kind of scary that there's more, isn't it?) There are also vehicular levels--and vehicular levels with Freeplay, where you can play with the various ships and transports you unlock.--which is a lot--and getting all those Golden bricks let you build something else.
     
    But wait, there's more! (It just goes on and on, doesn't it?) Each of the Power-bricks allows you unlock special abilities, for example I have thus far unlocked: Super blasters, (It's in the name, blow things up!) Super Lightsabers, (They turn purple and go scary powerful) Invincibility (You don't die from shots, or lose studs when you plummet off an edge), and Self-detonation (I'm fairly sure I don't want to use that one...yet)
     
    As for the characters? Oh there's just a few, only around ONE-HUNDRED AND TWENTY to unlock. Additonally, for every character you unlock you gain more pieces for your Bacta-horror.
     
    And then you finally get to the levels, the levels just plain rock, each is tricky and interesting and undeniably Star Wars--with LEGO humor thrown in, such as hot-tubbing Stormtroopers (Playable character, by the way!) And Darth Vader popping minifig heads off, rather than choking.
     
    My personal favourite is the fact that there is not ONE utterance of dialogue throughout this game so you get to watch LEGO Star Wars characters act crazy with only facial expressions and the occasional grunt or groan--or unintenilligble mutter.
     
    Overall, once again, BUY THIS GAME. It rules the PSP.
     
    My only complaint is that, unlike Gurumin, LEGO Star Wars II is not a fan of you turning the system off in midplay to conserve battery power, and goes through a laboriously long boot-up phase.
     
    Coming up next: The Claidi Journals
    Why my Room is a nightmare
    On the current state of BIONICLE.
  23. Janus

    Mistika Ii - Phantoka

    By Janus,

    Yes, yes It has been forever since I wrote my Article Mistika I...why do you ask?
     
    Oh, you say I'm due in for another article? Especially as everyone already has the Mistika thus rendering my thoughts null and void?
     
    You also say you're just a voice in my head and I'm talking out loud?
     
    Poop.
     
    Now then. Mistika II - Phantoka
     
    You see, you can't discuss the Mistika without discussing their predecessors--in this case the Phantoka. Just as it's difficult to discuss the Nuva without the Mata, or the Kal without the original character. The first iteration of something will inevitably be compared to the second, third, fourth, etc.
     
    Now in order to clarify, had the Phantoka and Mistika been released seperately, we would not see this--but as they have been clearly divided--well, the comparisons will be made regardless.
     
    AND NOW ON WITH THE SHOW.
     
    When we last left our article the intrepid hero (IE: ME) had just discovered that the Toa Nuva would be re-released in set form. Naturally as I said before most old farts like myself were squeeing in joy.
     
    And then came that other nasty side-effect of joy. Disbelief. Y'see, we've been around long enough--we saw what happened with the Matoran > Inika Transformation--heck, we even knew what happened with the Inika > Mahri transformation. And while the fandom was primarily happy with them, there were those voices of dissent asking "Hey, would a little resemblance hurt?"
     
    And so it was that doubt began to creep into our hopeful mindset. Lost was the vision of the Toa Nuva restored, modified Nuva masks on their faces and new poseability technology giving the Toa Nuva the flexibility we always desired--now we saw visions of Mahri/Inika clones with bizarre masks. (Or at least I did. I know there was a sentiment of doubt that seeped through the fandom as well)
     
    So while most were actively looking forward to the Nuva, the fandom again began to experience dissent, with some people actively nervous about the Nuva--or some simply not caring and not believing that TLC could pull it off (That'd be me folks =B )
     
    And then the first images of the Phantoka came out: What were the reactions?
     
    Near-universally positive from the majority of the Fandom. Most people were genuinely pleased with them--however on my side, the side of the "Old guard" shall we call it, most people were actively displeased. And I was certainly among them. Upon my first viewing of the Phantoka I was quite displeased, and remain so to this day--however saying such a thing is pointless without reasoning. Please allow me.
     
    The Toa Mata to Toa Nuva transformation was something that while not reviled was also something that had the fandom up in arms for a while (Mainly due to those godawful masks). But in the end it was almost universally accepted that the Toa Nuva could easily be recognized as their progenitors and the matter was dropped.
     
    The Phantoka do not have this. They may be wonderful sets full of many interesting pieces but they do not have the most important thing in the minds of people like me. They do not resemble their characters enough.
     
    Let's go over the changes, shall we?
     
    Lewa Nuva
    First and foremost one of my favourite colours has been stricken from the records. Gone is Lewa's wonderful vibrant green--instead he now has Lime all over. Now I do not dislike Lime, in fact I find it a wonderful complimentary colour--but with that much lime and no contrasting or complimenting colour (Just a neutral grey) he ended up looking washed out.
     
    The Mask has clearly changed--but we'll get to that in Mistika IIII - Kanohi
     
    However one needs only look at him to see the difference. Jet engines for a Toa of Air? Most things didn't bother me. In fact the Jet engines whilst confusing are hardly a deal breaker, even his sword (singular) wasn't that upsetting. What was most curious, though, was the absolute change.
     
    Pull out your Lewa Nuva original (If you have him) Thick lower legs and standard arms. Were I to attempt to reproduce this in set form I would say something like Inika Legs for legs and Metru legs as arms--instead we see that this has gone directly inverse. Now he has massively powerful and bulky arms--with skinny (And I do mean skinny) legs. It's simply bizarre.
     
    However one of the interesting things about the Toa Nuva was their armor. The first sets to have such a thing--before the silver influx became nearly unbearable. Naturally this has vanished without a trace.
     
    However I will not deny that the sword is very cool, and even somewhat reminiscent of his original Air Katana. Which is more than can be said about Lewa to Lewa Nuva.
     
    Pohatu Nuva
    We've already heard enough about the Orange/Yellow/Brown debate. It's getting rather old--however I will say that as a member of the Old Guard Pohatu--and Brown, were always my favourite. It was quite a dissapointment to see this colour dissapear.
     
    However unlike Lewa the bright orange does contrast nicely against the grey and thus I have no complaints in that regard.
     
    Again, however, look at the the proportions: Pohatu and Pohatu Nuva both had shorter arms and longer legs (Nuva had thicker legs as well). However they also had an inverse body, meaning slimmer shoulders than the other Toa! Pohatu Phantoka turned that on its head, keeping the thick legs--but then giving him massively lanky arms, and a hugely broad chest with no hips to speak of. How does this guy run?
     
    But once again there is no hint of armor on him. Thus erasing the 'nuva' from the equation (in my eyes, at least)
     
    I will say good on the designers for keeping the claws around in one form or another, though.
     
    (Again, the mask will be hit upon in Mistika IIII - Kanohi)
     
    Kopaka Nuva
    The colours have stayed the same and we all breathe a sigh of relief. However the bizarre inclusion of gunmetal is just a headscratcher. Why why why?
     
    Proportions wise I have little to complain about in regards to Kopaka, he is the best out of all of them in this regard. The wings I won't take into account as this is meant to show what differs them from the Nuva--and frankly you could slap that same pair of wings onto Kopaka Nuva and there'd be a neglible difference. Are they what I would give Kopaka for a means of flight? No, but that's not the point here.
     
    The biggest complaint with Kopaka is oddly enough something that they had some success with both Lewa and Pohatu on. Weapon recognition.
     
    While both Kopaka and Tahu always wielded a sword people could always recognize Kopaka because not only did he have a shield--his sword was different. Especially in nuva form, a dual-bladed STAFF of a blade. It was a glorious weapon.
     
    So how then do Lewa and Pohatu Phantoka end up with weapons resembling their Nuva forms, and Kopaka winds up with a butterknife? I'm sorry, it's a butterknife.
     
    So let us add up the similarities and differences, shall we?
    Lewa
    Similar: Lime green. Sword
    Different: Grey. Proportions.
     
    Well that doesn't sound so bad, now does it? This is of course not factoring in the mask, nor the main sticking point the NON-Old guard have about the Phantoka. More on that later.
     
    Pohatu
    Similar: Claws.
    Different: Grey. Proportions.
     
    I suppose I can offer Pohatu a slight bonus here in that his feet are vaguely reminiscent of Toa Mata feet with attachments. However this still fails to take into account the mask or the main sticking point.
     
    Kopaka
    Similar: White. Proportions.
    Different: Weapon. Grey.
     
    So for the most part they all seem about equal, or at least the similarities seem to be equal to the differences, right?
     
    Not exactly. The simple fact of the matter is that many of those similarities are also common amongst other things. For example Toa Nuju has similar proportions to Kopaka Phantoka (Minus the stubby arms) he's also white and grey, and the mask looks similar to boot!
     
    See the problem the old guard has? These sets have taken heroes that we recognized instantly--even in their first transformation (Minus those uncoloured, unfinished prototypes. Whoo boy) and has made them recognisable as other characters. Now while some may take this as a homage, it's clearly not meant to be.
     
    As for the Non-old guard? The number one complaint from this group is the fact that the Phantoka are basically Inika/Mahri with new masks and weapons. That's it.
     
    BUT hope was yet on the Horizon! We had seen that LEGO was okay at making Villains with the Phantoka Makuta. Perhaps the Toa Mistika would redeem our faith in TLC? Once again we dared to hope...but still looked to the future with skeptical eyes.
     
    Coming soon:
    Mistika III - Mistika
  24. Janus

    Just Some Kid

    By Janus,

    FOR SCIENCE! 2.0 (4) 
    I'll be perfectly honest with all of you. I had absolutely no idea where I was going with this.
     
    The opening sentence "What can I say..." popped into my head and I began to write...from there the character just directed the story. I got a brief idea of what went on towards about halfway through, but even I was surprised at the way it turned out.
     
    Wordcount: 813
     
    Enjoy!
     

     
     

    Just some kid 
    What can I say about Frederick Rollen? He was a punk, a snot-faced little brat who made my life a living nightmare. Am I glad he’s dead? No, of course not; no sane human being would be. But am I glad he’s finally out of my hair? You’d better believe it.
     
    Fred first entered my life ten years ago, just as much a punk then as on the day he died. I remember the reaction I gave him, the first words I ever said to him…heh, I told him I had no money for bums. He laughed at that, can you believe it? He, some punk teen of seventeen in his torn jeans and stained jacket; with his dirty hair and greasy skin, he laughed.
     
    “Man, I ain’t here for your money,” he said, drawlingly, rubbing his dark hands on his torn jeans. “I’m new to the neighborhood. Name’s Fred.” And with that he extended his hand, his dark, grease-stained hand. Surely you can’t blame me for shutting the door in his face?
     
    But I still remember what happened next, I remember it with a clarity that surprises even me. I shut the door on that young man, but I watched him through the peephole…I rationalized this to myself by saying it was to make sure he didn’t become violent, but nevertheless I watched. For a moment the young man seemed taken aback by having the door slammed in his face, then a grin crept to his dark face and he turned his back, raising a hand in a half wave.
     
    I don’t know what it was about that motion, but it broke my heart. I still remember the unfamiliar pain, which even now remains as a dull ache. I still remember the fact that I turned away a young man who simply wanted to be accepted. Albeit he was a punk, and he certainly didn’t belong—but nevertheless a man of my upbringing was taught never to turn away someone.
     
    I suppose it should come as no surprise that after I led the charge, the rest of the neighborhood was also reluctant to accept this dark stranger; and one by one doors slammed in his face. Nevertheless, young Fred still smiled.
     
    He was a mechanic in those days, can you imagine? Someone on a mechanic’s salary living in our neighborhood? Preposterous! Or at least that’s what I and the others told ourselves. We told ourselves it wasn’t the young man that we had issue with, it wasn’t the colour of his skin, or his hair. It wasn’t even the fact that he was constantly covered in grime and filth…it was the fact that he was a mechanic. Even in those days our words sounded hollow, even to ourselves.
     
    Now admittedly, Fred wasn’t exactly a saint—nor did he earn many friends on our block. He had the frustrating habit of playing his music too loud…even in the late hours. He also scandalized the women of the neighborhood (and shamed their husbands) by frequently walking around sans shirt. Heh, I suppose it was a simpler time.
     
    He did his best to fit in, he really did. But try as he might he simply wasn’t one of us. He didn’t have our upbringing, our education—he just didn’t belong. He was a punk…a punk living like a king, but nothing more than a punk.
     
    It came as no surprise, really, when it happened.
     
    I can only suppose it happened over money…maybe women. I couldn’t really tell you. All I do know is that Fred had been working late at the shop when a group of hooded men entered and demanded something of him. Fred didn’t know what they were talking about, he tried to calm them down—but they wouldn’t be sated. He tried to run…but they caught up. Two held him tight as one of them administered a savage beating to him…
     
    It…it wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. They were supposed to scare him, to show him that he was a punk! That he didn’t belong!
     
    I know I said that I didn’t know what happened…but unfortunately I wasn’t being truthful. I saw it all. They beat Fred until he was close to losing consciousness and then turned to leave.
     
    Fred was stronger than they expected, more resistant. He struggled to his feet and grabbed a wrench. He charged towards his assailants, knocking two of them to the ground with the wrench…he wrestled with the third before finally being taken off balance and losing control of the wrench.
     
    He looked at me with pleading eyes as I raised the wrench.
     
    I’m….I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. He needed to understand, he needed to see that there was a difference between us…I never meant to kill him…He was just some punk. Just some kid.
     
    And I was a monster.
  25. Janus
    YES. UPDATE TWO IS SEMI-ON TIME. I still have half-an-hour my by clock. Hush.
     
    I've also decided to split this group up more than I'd anticipated. This marks the Introduction to BIONICLE: Judgement, 2004 and 2005 will be covered in subsequent entries.
     
    Not much preamble this time. In fact this is it, once this sentence ends the preamble ends. Period.
     

    BIONICLE: Judgement
    A Reimagining 
    For those of you wondering, BIONICLE: Judgement is the current name of my long-standing alternaverse--or AU. An Alternate Universe (AU) as most of you know is your own private story wherein you essentially do what you want.
     
    You can design them around paticular ideas, rules, or plans--and can break them at any time, that's half the fun about AU's. However with BIONICLE: Judgement I set out with very specific ideas and rules. They are as follows
     
    Ideas

    BIONICLE: Judgement is not a rewrite of the story, rather it is a replacement of certain portions. Others are kept in their entirety, for example 2001 and 2002 are untouched by the events of BIONICLE: Judgement--or rather their direct stories are not effected BIONICLE: Judgement is my personal playground, most of my stories are incubated in here for a while before being shot into another universe, or my own original stories. BIONICLE:Judgement is all about taking the story in the directions I want it to go without altering it too heavily, as such we enter DA RULES.
    DA RULESRULE THE FIRST: Canon characters cannot be deleted, omitted, or removed for any reason. Natural deaths may occur but the character must be established ADDENDUM: This is only in place if the character has not been killed off in previous story and has only recently returned in the Official Universe.
    EXAMPLE: I cannot decide that "Botar" is a stupid name and remove the entire character from the story. I can however kill him off--the addendum to this is if Botar takes a large role in 2008 and he's already killed in BIONICLE: Judgement. I will not resurrect him.
    RULE THE SECOND: Settings must stay the same for every year they take place in. EXAMPLE: I cannot be working with Mahri Nui in 2004--I can have events HAPPEN in Mahri Nui in 2004, however they will not be expounded upon until 2007.
    RULE THE THIRD: Character personalities are fair game, changing things such as motivations and names are perfectly acceptable so long as the end character bears resemblance to the original ADDENDUM: Original Characters can be made, so long as their 'base' element is one of the canon stories.
    EXAMPLE: I cannot have Pridak be motivated by a burning love of Carapar, and also have him control an army of fluffy teddy-bear sharks. It just doesn't work that way.--The Addendum to this is that I can create 'original' characters out of canon characters: Essentially what I've done with the Inika who are no longer the 01 Matoran but are my own original characters.
    RULE THE FOURTH: Significant portions of story can be changed so long as all existing characters and backdrops are kept. EXAMPLE: Takanuva no longer being Takua, that's a rather significant portion of the story (Considering it got a movie about just that) however I had to keep all the characters and the backdrops--IE: Mata Nui, Ta-Koro, Ga-Koro, etc.
    RULE THE FIFTH: All deaths are final, none of this comic book stuff with me. EXAMPLE: Takua dies in 2003. He does not return. Ever. 
     
    And now with that stuff out of the way, let's move on to 'altered' character profiles through the years. Please note that none of this is finalized, and is certainly not in final written format, as such I will only be giving brief outlines of each section of story. The character profiles will also avoid giving out spoilers--those will be given out in the outline quite readily.
     
    2003

    Altered characters List:
    Takanuva Real/Original Name: Takanuva
    Storyline: Takanuva is the previously nameless Toa of light. Cursed by the master of shadows to an eternal sleep in a near-death state he remains trapped his his tomb at the Kini-nui

    Story Outline:
     
    The first half of 2003 passes in the exact same way, the Kal steal Nuva symbols, Nuva gain them back and Tra-la-la-la, we go on our merry way. The big difference in this comes in the latter half of 2003--once again it's virtually the same but then we hit Mask of Light.
     
    While the discovery and quest for the Mask are virtually identical there's a few key differences:

    1. Tahu manages to take on multiple Toa and in the end is incapacitated for the final confrontation with the Rahkshi--why? Because four Toa just layed the smackdown on him, that's what happens when you have a rageful fire Toa setting fire to everything.
     
    2. Jaller is critically injured during the quest and is forced to stay with Pewku at a critical part of the journey--little does he know that this saves his life.
     
    3. As I'm sure you already realize Takua isn't Takanuva--this is the third big variation. At the final part of the journey they arrive at the same place, the Kini-nui...surrounded by all six Rahkshi. Definately a bad place to be.
     
    However the big difference is that a CAVERN is revealed by the light of the Mask, Takua leaves Jaller and Pewku (See above) and journeys down the passage by his lonesome, Rahkshi in hot pursuit. At the end there's an inscription about sacrifice--I haven't worked out exactly what it says at this time and Takua desperately pushes his hands against the stone the inscription is written on (it's a dead end, by the way)--and unknowingly fulfills the inscription. The wall drains his energy and channels it to the near-dead Toa of Light revitalizing him and allowing to break free from his tomb.
     
    Asking the dying Matoran his name the Toa takes on the prefix Tak in honor of the hero who rescued him. He then proceeds to go lay the royal smackdown on Makuta.

     
    And there you have it, the beginning of BIONICLE: Judgement--sure it doesn't seem much different, but this is the humble beginnings of something that has blossomed far beyond my expectations.
     
    Feel free to leave any feedback you like, good, bad, or ambivalent. I'm always interested in people's thoughts.
     
    Additionally, I will try and get the other BIONICLE: Judgement entries up when I'm not sleep deprived, and thus make sure that they're more coherent.
     
    Coming Soon: BIONICLE: Judgement (2004-2005)
    Triad: Gundam SEED Destiny AU
    BIONICLE: Judgement (2006)
    Apocalyptica
    BIONICLE: Judgement (2007)
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