Cederak

Hi, I would like to request an ECC review for the first ten chapters of my Epic, The Lone and Level Sands (Review topic here). Thanks. ~B~

Hello, Renegade Emperor, here is your official SSCC review. I read your story a few times and I definitely felt this fell short. One of my chief concerns was rooted in a question I kept asking myself. Would this story be just as appropriate in CoT? Once I searched for any trace of Bionicle influence (or a trace of any sort of Lego fiction as the Library welcomes it all), my search ended on an empty-handed note. Even your character name choices could easily be swapped into sci-fi or fantasy or some such genre. That's what this story felt like to me anyway, a dark fantasy piece. Now, does that label take away from your story's plot or message? I don't think so, however, that's not to say it wasn't lacking in some respects.In terms of spelling, your work was golden. Nice job there. Also, I only found a single grammar error.

other than sharing the floor with them spiders.

Uh, if possible, I'd take a request. I'd like some advice of my newest work:Letter from a prey - The Renegade EmperorSomething different from my usual style, so I'd like to see how it affects Short Stories Critics. Thanks in advance!

Congratulations to our newest critic and a winner of the ECC Become a Critic Contest, GSR! Having graduated his internship, it is my hope that he'll find a comfortable home here among fellow competent critics.

@bs94: Stelt is the home of a few familiar faces, and it was really fun to bring them into the spotlight. Voporak required going into completely uncharted territory, but I wanted Krekka and Sidorak to be the characters we knew from the books and films, if only a bit younger.Interesting that you bring up the reading aloud part. I recommend that to writers sometimes when I'm doing critiques for one of the critic clubs, mostly because I like to read aloud all of the dialogue in a chapter or story before posting it. Getting a different sense of each character's voice and tone makes them feel more whole to me, not to mention if the dialogue doesn't feel natural enough when spoken aloud, I can go back and modify it.Anyway, thanks for the review!

"This ain't no place for no hero, to call home." -The Heavy

Episode 08: Nexus of Depravity

"We don't need anything fancy," Stalgrax said. "Stelt isn't far from here anyway. In fact, you can just see the edges of it."

I turned in the direction he was facing and scanned the horizon, easily finding the shadowy outline of an island in the distance.

"I have an idea," Rovaius said, running to the end of the platform and leaping up to where I had been standing when I found the gang. He scanned the wreckage and looked back at us. "I'll need your assistance, Elendra."

We climbed up to join him, catching sight of a massive chunk of the fortress that caught Rovaius' eye. It was part of the silver disk, with nearly a dozen of the escape pods still intact.

Elendra chuckled. "Why do you always seriously consider your crazier ideas?"

"Because they usually work," Rovaius replied, leaping out over the water. He assaulted the crystal sea with a blast of shadow that sent him hurtling toward the pods and Stalgrax followed suit. Elendra and I moved between the platforms while Trylac flew to meet up with the Nohtalians.

Dislodging the escape pods only took us a few minutes, but that was the easy part. Each pod was positioned on a small platform below the disk piece, opened for Elendra to examine. She regularly studied technology when she found a chance and we assumed recalibrating a pod would be simple work. There was no telling when Mantax's soldiers might start coming our way, but none of us wanted to rush Elendra. A gunfight with a few warriors would be less risky than hurrying through the adjustments to such a sophisticated machine. It took the Trelban a little under a half hour to finish the first pod and she managed to modify the next four in another half hour. Crawling back out of the tube, she motioned to the pods.

"Your lives are now in the hands of my work," Elendra said with a smirk.

"Which is much safer than being in the hands of your emotions," Stalgrax said, cracking a sinister grin.

Elendra pulled one of her energy revolvers on the Nohtalian and aimed at his chest, glaring into Stalgrax's eyes. "Take it back."

Stalgrax folded his arms. "My point exactly."

"I don't give you flak for your sarcastic attitude, Stalgrax," Elendra argued, taking a couple steps toward him. "Don't criticize my unsociable one."

"To be fair, I haven't said anything about this in at least a thousand years…to your face anyway."

"I suppose you've forgotten how that turned out," Elendra hissed, cocking the revolver's hammer back.

Stalgrax charged his palms with shadow energies. "Not at all."

"And neither have I," Rovaius said, placing a barrier of shadow between Stalgrax and Elendra. "We have better things to do than deal with your bickering. Adrinor, Trylac, and I are leaving for Stelt. You two can stand around and exhaust yourselves until Mantax's soldiers show up, or you can swallow your pride, shut up, and get in your pods."

"This isn't over," Stalgrax said, letting the shadows fade as he crawled into one of the escape pods.

"And…Elendra," Rovaius added.

"What!?" the Trelban asked in an annoyed tone.

"Thank you for modifying these capsules."

We entered the escape pods and I accommodated myself to the uncomfortable surroundings again. I pressed the activation button and instantly took off from the platform, sailing just below the surface of the water at an amazing speed. Because of how I was seated, the glass had me staring directly into the sky, unable to see where the others were. The pods apparently had much more fuel in their engines than a simple escape from the fortress would require, even taking Stelt's closeness into account. The journey was a few minutes, maybe more, but the ending was far more memorable. I struck the beach of Stelt hard, shattering the pod's glass as I was ejected into the air and hurled into the dirt.

We all arrived around the same time, brushing ourselves off as we walked up the beach. One of the Steltians angrily came marching our way, glaring at the escape pods with his sand colored eyes. Like most of his kind, he was a bit taller than myself and possessed a pair of tubes that ran behind his head and connected on each side of his jaw. His tubes fumed smoke and he was furious.

"Are you going to clean those up!?" he questioned.

"No," Rovaius said coldly. "You can have them…for scrap or whatever."

The Steltian seemed surprised by his reply. "Oh…thanks." He glanced at a couple of the burly Ohnbiek guards nearby and motioned them over. "Start taking those pods apart!" The guards raised their heads in partial confusion, staring at one another for a moment. Ohnbiek weren't the brightest biomechs in the universe, but their strength served them well. Stelt was an interesting land in how its hierarchy functioned. The smartest species (though physically weakest), the tall, powerful Steltians ruled the island. The Ohnbiek served below them, often guards or laborers to be used like living tools. The least bright—though easily strongest—were the lowest class - the Pontiir. Practically slaves, the Pontiir battled in coliseum arenas for the entertainment of the clever Steltians.

"The pods!" the Steltian shouted, pointing at the metal tubes as if he were attempting to force a jet of flames from his finger. "Take them apart!"

As the pair of Ohnbiek started for our temporary transports, I followed Rovaius into the street, taking in the sights of the island. It had been two years since my last visit, but Stelt's largest attraction was still its countless ruins. If you wanted a structure to last on Stelt, you would either provide lodging or goods. Anything else was at risk of being demolished by some of the most envious and violent biomechs I had ever seen. I had a pretty decent idea of why Rovaius wanted to visit Stelt and he further proved my theory when he began heading for the nearest coliseum. I was standing next to him when a random thought popped into my head and I blurted it out.

"I don't think you're a terrible biomech," I told him.

"Well that's…nice," Rovaius said with a laugh.

"You know what I mean," I replied quickly. "Despite the crimes and the killings, you have a moral code."

"Every biomech with any self-respect ought to have a sense of morals. The Barraki certainly do...and so do I. Believe it or not, there's some honor among thieves. We've run across gangs like ours and it's easy to tell what they're after. They have their own code and laws, but they know not to turn their weapons on us. Truth is, nearly everyone outside Metru Nui and a few other places is under the employment or watchful eyes of the League of Six Kingdoms. Pridak might send us into zones under the jurisdiction of his fellow warlords and he knows we won't hesitate to blast away any soldiers in our way, but I would never fire on another gang."

"Why are other gangs so important to you?" I inquired. Rovaius glanced at me for a moment and then he went back to looking at the coliseum.

"Because they are me," Rovaius breathed. His eyes shifted around a few times and I could tell he was thinking to himself. "Not literally of course, but they decided to follow the same path in life, like you did. They could have done anything else and become another standard soldier in the ever-growing armies of the Barraki, but they didn't. They chose to become...piraka. Someday, I believe a biomech will find a way to unite all those wandering souls under a common creed and a single faction. Everyone has a price and any task or commodity beyond the ability or reach of one entity, will be a payoff for another."

I smirked. "One faction that will unite outlaws?"

"Anything is possible, so long as you keep your mind open," Rovaius said.

We arrived at the coliseum, walking around the main entrance to a nearby stairway. An Ohnbiek guard was standing next to the stairs, eyeing us long before we reached him. We had fought alongside him a couple years back, as a favor to the Steltian I knew Rovaius wanted to see by that point.

"You," the Ohnbiek uttered, transfixed on Rovaius. "I remember you."

"It's been a while since the incident on the eastern side of the island, hasn't it, Krekka?" Rovaius smiled. "My name is Rovaius."

"Right," Krekka said, as if still trying to remember the Nohtalian. "Rovaius. What brought you to Stelt again?"

"I need to speak with your superior about some very important information," Rovaius explained.

"No one sees him without a password," Krekka asserted.

"I saved your life, Krekka," Rovaius reminded him. "You said you 'owed me one.' I don't have a password, but I would really appreciate it if I could call on that favor right now."

Krekka scratched his chin for a moment, thinking over what Rovaius said. "If I let you by, you make a promise. I don't want to get in trouble for this."

"I promise that you will not be punished for letting me by," Rovaius replied confidently.

Krekka nodded. "Okay then," he said, looking up the stairway. "Get going."

"Thank you, Krekka," Rovaius said in his most charming tone, heading up the stairway. When we were out of sight, Rovaius turned and looked at me. "The Ohnbiek might run this island one day."

I chuckled. "Really?"

"Oh sure," Rovaius replied. "If every Steltian dies first."

We continued through a winding corridor that led up near the top of the coliseum, taking us to a secluded chamber away from the battles. A number of strong looking Steltian guards were positioned throughout the hall, giving us suspicious glances as we walked by. Right before we reached the chamber, a Steltian extended the herding blade on his arm and blocked the way.

"Have you learned to aim that thing in the last two years?" Rovaius said with a glare.

"I've been promoted since then," the Steltian said haughtily.

"That wasn't the question," Rovaius growled in frustration, shoving the Steltian aside and marching into the chamber. We walked in behind him, ignoring the guard as he slowly got back on his feet.

Rovaius had come to Stelt to speak with a familiar agent of the League and one we had gotten to know a couple years back. We defeated an enemy clan that was moving into his territory and we were rewarded handsomely for the effort. It wasn't until later that I discovered the Steltian, Rovaius, and Stalgrax had been brothers in combat for a number of centuries. On multiple visits to Stelt, Rovaius had teamed up with the clan to overwhelm their enemies with a tactical battle strategy.

"What do you want?" the clan leader spat, glaring down at Rovaius.

The Nohtalian met his gaze, staring hard right back. They continued like this for a moment until the Steltian burst out laughing, causing Rovaius to do the same. The clan leader pat him on the shoulder a couple times and motioned the rest of us further into his chamber.

"How's life these days, Voporak?" Rovaius wondered, examining an unfinished weapon sitting on a worktable.

"Not over yet," Voporak replied, sitting down behind a long, metallic desk. A map of the island was spread out atop it, with little markers placed in separate areas. Voporak, as a clan leader, made it his first priority to know where other factions were stationed on Stelt. "But you didn't come for small talk, did you?"

"No, I didn't," Rovaius admitted. "I came to address something I overheard."

"You want to talk to me about a rumor?" Voporak said, leaning forward in his seat.

"This isn't a petty rumor. I heard Kalmah say something last night, aboard Brightest Midnight."

"Brightest Midnight…" Voporak trailed off. "Oh! You mean the sky fortress. That thing crashed last night, Rovaius! I watched it happen from right outside this room."

"I know," Rovaius said flatly. "I did it."

Voporak's faint smile faded and he looked down at his map. He then started laughing quietly, becoming more amused with what Rovaius said as he let it sink in. "That's hilarious!"

"I'm not kidding," Rovaius said, trying to hold back a smirk.

"I can tell," Voporak replied. "Mantax went on and on about that structure, talking up its defenses and how a sky fortress was the best possible position to fight a battle from. And you knocked it into the sea with a few helpers! Now that's funny. And you're alive to tell the tale! Now, what is it that Kalmah said anyway?"

Rovaius took a few steps toward the desk, glancing out the windows before he spoke. When he did, it was in a hushed tone. "The six warlords were together and Kalmah said something about the Brotherhood's incompetence. Then he said something about an initiative that would put an end to all that. Pridak didn't like him being so open and told Kalmah to shut his mouth. Whatever this was about, it was serious."

Voporak frowned, staring back down at the map of Stelt. "Well…"

"It isn't easy to find biomechs who spend so much time dealing with a Barraki. I came to you because of your relationship with Mantax. So please, tell me. What is this all about?" Rovaius sounded urgent, almost afraid.

"Mantax came to see me about a month ago," Voporak sighed. "We had wrapped up negotiations on a trade agreement late one night. Before he left, he told me to stay on Stelt for a while. He said I was a faithful servant of the League and that, for my own safety, I shouldn't leave Stelt. I haven't had much need to, but for the few errands I would've left the island for, I have sent others in my stead."

"And that's all you know?" Rovaius questioned.

"I didn't want to pry and it was getting late," Voporak replied. "He hasn't been on Stelt since that night, but it sounded weird for him to give me a direct order like that. Barraki or not, I was considering having him forcibly removed from Stelt right then. I reconsidered out of fear that he really was looking out for my best interest. If that's the case, something is going to happen soon. Something big."

Rovaius shook his head. "There's no telling what they're up to, but I think you and I should discuss this personally." He looked back at us. "You may want to go preoccupy yourselves for a while."

"I've got just the thing," Voporak spoke up, taking a small card out from his side of the desk. He handed it over to Rovaius and Rovaius flung it to Stalgrax. Voporak glanced at Stalgrax and said, "That is my coliseum pass. Show it to the guard outside this chamber and he'll escort you to the battle downstairs. His name is Sidorak."

Stalgrax grinned. "We met a couple years back. His name ought to be crack shot."

"Funny," Voporak said in an empty tone. His mind was clearly on something else.

"We'll just need a couple hours," Rovaius told us.

Stalgrax led the way out of the chamber, flashing the pass to the guard that Rovaius pushed over. "You're Sidorak, right?"

"Yes," the guard replied proudly, giving Stalgrax a curious look.

"Voporak wants you to escort us to the coliseum. He said this card should be all we need."

Sidorak took the card and smiled, a puff of steam escaping the tubes on his head. "I knew I deserved a little time off. Let's go."

Sidorak directed us back around the walkway to an elevator, impatiently waiting for it to descend once we were inside. His glossy armor was carmine and charcoal, pitted and scratched from a life of battle on Stelt. The elevator opened and Sidorak quickly walked out, hurrying down the next hall. He rounded the corner and I could see we were standing on the second floor of the coliseum. He flashed the card to another Steltian and said, "We have clearance from Voporak to use his seats for the evening."

There were ten seats in the front row of the area, looking much more comfortable than those behind them. Voporak evidently had some influence around the coliseum, likely stemming from his many victories against rival clans. I'm not even sure his enemies knew that he had an office above the coliseum. We sat down and I examined the arena. We were close enough to see the combatants, but far enough away to be safe from their attacks as well. I was situated between Elendra and Trylac, and Elendra was immediately fascinated by the gargantuan fighters below. I wasn't quite as amused, so I decided to listen in on Trylac and Sidorak's conversation while I vacantly stared into the ring.

"If you don't mind me asking, how are the four of you employed?" Sidorak wondered.

"We have an unwritten contractual agreement with the League," Trylac said vaguely. "Our jobs are often centered on handling employee terminations and asset collection, financial or otherwise."

"Asset collection?" Sidorak chuckled. "I don't follow."

Trylac smiled, his mandibles twitching a bit as he did. "The League is partnered with countless smaller organizations, many of which are on Stelt. We are tasked with collecting their assets in the event a Barraki requires it, for one reason or another." His skill with lying almost rivaled Rovaius' and it was easy to forget now and again. Trylac was often silent, with little to say. When something came up though, it was always important and mostly insightful.

"Right, right," Sidorak nodded, obviously pretending he had an idea of what point Trylac was dancing around. "I'm sure it is a great honor to work with the Barraki directly. You must have great respect for the will of Mata Nui, correct?"

"I am a Dectraz - we have little concern for what Mata Nui wants. My brethren saw long ago that many biomechs are foolishly blind, wasting their time until time wastes them. If you are patient, time will destroy all your enemies."

"And what if I'm not patient?" Sidorak asked, hinting at a smile.

Trylac smirked. "Then you're like me and you'll kill your enemies personally."

Sidorak chuckled at this, taken in by Trylac's humor. "Personally…clever."

"I apologize for the Nohtalian's behavior earlier. He can get a little impatient at times," Trylac continued.

"I saw that," Sidorak replied bitterly. "Perhaps we should enjoy the match though. I'm not paid often to watch a couple Pontiir kill one another."

"Of course," Trylac agreed, staring down at the arena.

Each Pontiir warrior was a behemoth with gigantic claws on their hands and feet. They towered over most other sentient biomechs, and their armored bodies were heavily reinforced. Shades of dark gray and silver lined their monstrous forms, blurring along their talons as they clashed with one another. The Steltians in the crowd cheered them on, shouting for each Pontiir to rip the other to pieces. There were, no doubt, a number of Steltians betting on particular fighters to win. Between the constant warfare of the Steltians and the forced combat of the Pontiir, it made me wonder which species was truly the more animalistic.

"Can we talk about this in a civil manner now?" Stalgrax muttered to Elendra.

"I understand that we have our separate natures, Stalgrax. Let's just agree to live and let live. We're going to be working together for a long time, so we should learn to tolerate one another during that interim."

"That's fair…and rather enlightened given your usual stance on settling a disagreement," Stalgrax said. "Thanks for showing a little maturity about this."

"Don't think I'm entirely happy about it," Elendra replied. "Watching a couple biomechs destroy each other just put me in a better mood. You're welcome, I guess."

We observed several more matches between the mighty Pontiir, often ending with one combatant beaten to pieces after the other started gaining the upper hand. It became routine after a while, but the excitement of the Steltians never wavered. They thrived on the action of the arena. After one match, the dead Pontiir was not removed from the arena, but instead, a new competitor entered. He was a burly looking Steltian, clad in battle scarred armor of bronze. The crowd became even more energized, chanting his name. I couldn't understand what was being shouted, but the Steltian swept his hand at the crowd, motioning them to silence.

"You all came here for a show. So how about watching me kill this Pontiir?" he said with a laugh.

The crowd roared in anticipation, watching as the Steltian unsheathed his sword and pointed it at the Pontiir on the other side of the ring. The Pontiir took a few hulking steps toward him, staring him down with an amused grin. The Steltian ran headlong at his opponent, quickly scooped up in the Pontiir's clawed hand and flung against the wall. The Steltian immediately rose, leaping at the Pontiir and slashing his chest open. He then performed a second jump, running his sword down the back of the biomech's head and through part of his back.

"Get off!" The Pontiir bellowed, shaking the Steltian to the floor. He smashed his enemy into the floor, continuously punching the Steltian without mercy. The Pontiir then began to tear his claws through the Steltian, forcing his enemy to yell out in agony. The crowd was unstoppable by then, enthralled as the Steltian was viciously beaten to death. With each of the Steltian's screams, the crowd became more animated. It was pure insanity.

Impossibly, the Steltian defiantly rose to his feet and prepared for the next punch. He was severely injured, but somehow, he strafed the attack and in one swing, severed the Pontiir's hand. The Pontiir screamed in a low roar, falling to his knees. The Steltian took the opportunity to plunge his blade deep into the Pontiir's chest, causing the massive creature to lurch forward and fall silent, his head tilting sideways. The Steltian stood proudly in the battlefield, nearly dead as he forced a smile at his fans. Victory came and passed for the Steltian pretty quickly though and the Pontiir's colossal corpse wasted no time in crushing the prideful Steltian into an early grave.

As a new wave of cheering began, I recalled the broken rifle on my back and pulled it off, letting the weapon sit in my lap.

Trylac glanced down at the rifle and then at me. "Give me the broken piece."

I fumbled through my container of laser shells and handed over the busted bolt handle. Trylac displayed it to Sidorak and asked, "Do you know where we can have one of these replaced? My friend's laser rifle was recently damaged." It was the first of only two times Trylac referred to me as a friend.

Sidorak scooped the rifle up and took the bolt handle, examining where the piece had snapped off. "I know a Fe-Matoran down the street that can have this replaced rather quickly. In the meantime, the rest of you should return to Voporak's chamber."

We all stood up and headed back for the chamber while Sidorak took to the streets with my laser rifle. I had taken good care of Torema's unused weapon and this was (surprisingly) the only harm that had ever come to it. Trylac led us into the chamber where Rovaius and Voporak were busy studying the desk's map of Stelt.

"Did you two have enough time to discuss everything?" Stalgrax asked.

Rovaius nodded. "We did," he replied, looking over his shoulder at us. "We'll be leaving soon. Voporak has a mission for us and he's paid in advance. He's also agreed to let us sail with his crew on one of the fastest ships in the world."

"You'll be heading out to eastern Crezera," Voporak said. "I have an ally that frequently comes to trade his wares in exchange for our weaponry. Xia is a long way to go for the finest rifles and I welcome repeat customers that can offer me raw materials like the ones on Crezera. It is said that Artakha first crafted weapons from protosteel, but the materials were shipped from an island just south of his. That island is Crezera."

"Who are we supposed to meet up with?" Elendra wondered.

"A Gekalan named Diroux. He will be leading you once you arrive on the island. The journey shouldn't take long though. Mantax presented me with the ship you'll be traveling by a few years ago. It is a token of his gratitude for my extensive and secretive work here on Stelt. He named the ship Incipient Dalliance."

"A name that further attests to the conceit of six warlords allowed to rule the world," Trylac said dryly.

"It is the will of Mata Nui that they may do so," Voporak muttered. "I hope it is his will that your travels are safe."

Rovaius smirked. "Thank you, Voporak," Rovaius said, heading for the door. "Farewell."

We left the coliseum and found Sidorak speaking with Krekka, displaying my laser rifle to him. The Ohnbiek looked at the weapon like it was an alien technology, craning his neck up to see us approaching. We descended the stairs and Sidorak offered me the rifle back.

"I told you it wouldn't take long," he said as I took the rifle. The black bolt handle had been replaced with a replica part, only the new one had a sleek chrome finish to it. He placed the broken bolt handle in my hand and I put it away - a small trinket to remember my past kills and adventures by.

"So, what do I owe you?" I asked, well-aware that practically nothing on Stelt was free.

"The Matoran who fixed your laser rifle is an agent of our clan," Sidorak explained. "He performs any repairs we send his way free of charge and in return, we keep him safe. You have to protect your assets, Meldin."

It was insensitive, but in the only hierarchy Sidorak had ever known, a Matoran was nothing more than a piece of property. "I understand," I nodded.

"Can you tell us how to reach the Incipient Dalliance?" Rovaius questioned.

"The ship is docked nearby, actually," Sidorak replied, glancing toward the port. "I'll escort you there."

We followed Sidorak down to the port, boarding Voporak's prize for unwavering loyalty to Mantax. It was a long, sleek craft of gunmetal gray and metallic black. Steltians were all over the ship, going about their routine tasks. Sidorak approached who I assumed was the captain and said, "Voporak wishes for you to take these five out to Crezera. They have been assigned to assist the Gekalan there."

"As soon as my crew finishes polishing the craft, we can leave," the captain responded gruffly. He was an aged Steltian, with dimming yellow eyes and slate armor. "You may return to your post, soldier," he added to Sidorak, who hurried off at once without another word. The captain looked us over and breathed, "Which of you is in command?"

"I am," Rovaius replied, stepping forward.

"Until we make land on Crezera, you aren't," the captain snarled. "I am in charge here and you have no more influence than my sailors. So make yourselves useful, because I do not tolerate bystanders aboard the Dalliance. Everyone has a task, precisely why the Great Spirit made each of us. Now be on your way. I have a course to chart."

Rovaius sighed and began to walk away. We were about to join him when he turned back to the captain and pointed his gunblade at the Steltian's head. "I was thinking to myself for a second. Why am I taking orders from an unarmed biomech?"

"You'd do well not to underestimate me," the captain said sternly. "I believe I can react faster than your hand."

"That's funny, because I don't think you can," Rovaius smirked. "And if you're smart, you'll take your mind off being faster than my hand and worry about being faster than my bullet. Now, I'd like you to hand over any money you have on you. Right now."

"You're creating a situation you may not be able to get yourself out of," the captain warned Rovaius. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I was sure right after you disrespected me." Rovaius glared at him. "You're a ship captain, not Barraki Mantax himself. You aren't even a clan leader like Voporak. So don't ask me what I'm sure of. I'm sure that I'd kill for less than your insolence and I'm sure that this trigger is going off if you don't hand over your money."

Trylac was standing nearest to the captain and opened his hand as the captain begrudgingly handed over several coins.

Rovaius smiled, keeping his weapon steady. "Drop the coins over the side." Trylac threw the money into the sea without hesitation and the captain angrily watched his coins vanish beneath the water. Rovaius laughed at him and finished with, "You have a course to chart, right? Well you'd better get on it. I want to reach Crezera soon and I don't tolerate bystanders."

The captain stormed off, mumbling curses and bitter words over Rovaius. I looked at the Nohtalian, watching him put away the gunblade. He took notice of my staring and gave me a look that begged me to speak.

"You're very theatrical, you know," I teased. "It doesn't take a stage performance to request money from someone when you're holding a gun."

Rovaius smiled. "Money is a cyclical sort of thing that you'll invariably lose and gain. The most expensive request I make of biomechs is for their time. The least I can do is make it well spent, seeing as I cannot reimburse them any other way."

"Memories are actually a fine compensation for time," I replied.

Rovaius cracked a smile. "It depends on the memories, doesn't it?" The sunlight glistened on his obsidian and ruby armor as he addressed us quietly. "If this ship's speed lives up to Voporak's talk, we'll be on Crezera soon enough. I recommend you all stay alert though, because a Steltian only values one thing above power."

We all knew the answer, but only Elendra chose to voice it. "Vengeance."

Review

Visitor by ValixiaAssigned to Velox.

You injected a large dose of fantasy into this, Hahli, that much is certain. The scenery and overall description of the story just has this feeling of being in a place perhaps entirely separate from the Bionicle world I have come to expect. The mention of Matoran manages to ground it to belonging here in the short story forum, if only barely. I actually enjoy the freedom you took with this though, casually exploring the familiar before really journeying out to another place entirely.I must ask, are the Jarakh-Gul a nod to the Skakdi race? I got the visual of something very similar to their kind, and the idea of someone willing them to exist through dreams certainly seems imaginative of you. Fantasy seems the proper genre to dissolve the barrier between what can be done in dreams and reality, and to merge them for the purposes of this story was a brilliant idea.If I weren't struggling with a battle to fight my impatience about seeing the end of Life is a Blank, I would ask you to start writing an epic with this as the prologue. Y'know, I'll just recommend it anyway. The premise has incredible potential, and while I enjoy the comfort of a universe I know well, taking me out of that was fun with what you did. I wouldn't mind revisiting it on a larger scale. Excellent work.

A Tale of Makuta--Riisiing Moon.My entry for the LSO SSC LOL ABBREVIATIONS. Thanks in advance!

I don't think I'll be entering the Short Story part, but wanted to say how it would be really awesome if someone were to include in their story a random Matoran with anger issues to represent Than. ~B~

@fishers64: I knew the whole Jelveci situation wouldn't sit well with some readers. Going in, I looked at that part and actually said aloud, "Someone is going to say that was a poor execution." I'm not saying a writer deserves points for trying just because they stick to their guns, I'm not even sure I can fully justify the way Jelveci works into the second half of this epic. All I can say is that like every other character thus far, she has her own importance.Beyond that, looks like you're still impressed. Having given me bits of constructive criticism along the way already, I'll definitely appreciate your continued commentary in the latter half of Cenotaphs. Thanks for reading. @Janus: If someone would've told my 15 year old self back in my early BZP days that several years from now, Janus will give one of your epics a favorable review, I think I might've gone into shock. I must say though, you're every bit the tough audience I expected. I like that. For every "great job" or "loving this story," I could use something to reflect on, find weak spots that need improvement.Ultimately, glad to hear I've gained another reader. Thanks for the review, Janus.

Man, those are some talented kids. Really cool design!

Happy belated 80th Lego. A lot of people owe you a childhood of creativity...and the occasional hurt foot when stepping on your plastic bricks.

ValixiaChronicle

Chronicle

I think it is appropriate that an account of this city's history reside in the Library. BZ-Koro has a long and glorious record of artistry that captures the soul and thoughts that sharpen the mind. We are not without times of turbulence, but could we expect anything less? There is a price for our freedom here, because paradise does not come without expense. I walk the streets of this city each morning, a metropolis built atop the grand Invision Power Board - the grid that sustains us and protects us as best it can. At times, we have had to protect her as well. The leaders of our society impose and enforce their laws with a tenacity that is ultimately impossible to combat. They have received their complaints, but they have the advantage of playing a game on their own field. I have watched the disgruntled and the exiled dare to wage personal wars against the administration, each attempt ending in defeat or surrender. BZ-Koro has never experienced a great degree of issues from those who came into conflict with the laws of the land, but once more, we have not been without times of turbulence.

Cycle 009, Phase 09 [April, 2011]

"She's dying," I whispered.

Far beneath the city, I stood among the administrators and global moderators in a massive, circular chamber. Dim blue lights pulsed on the walls, slowly, weakly carrying on. In the center of the room was a hovering cerulean sphere of energy. She was older than me, but never spoke to me in a condescending tone, never hinting that she was stronger. Invi (the board's name of choice) was a modest entity, assisting me in my endless task of defending BZ-Koro and keeping it operational and clean.

Dimensioneer looked up at me. "You mean…she's…dying. Is there anything we can do?"

"Possibly," I replied. "There may be hope for her still. Her health has been deteriorating for some time, but it would be best not to alarm the citizens prematurely. Perhaps Binkmeister and I can find a solution."

"Invi was supposed to be an unlimited source of power," Hahli Husky said, giving me a look of urgency. "What could cause her to die?"

"I suspect one of the hackers is behind this," Than the Moa spoke up. "In our efforts to banish the lawbreakers, there's a chance someone planted a seed of poison in our city before we had a chance to act." He then turned his attention my way. "What do you think?"

The room went silent and the staff members were all eyeing me. They were right to assume I had a response. The board was a particular existence, one that sometimes chose silence when a staff member demanded she speak. I was the only entity she would always answer, likely finding me a source of kindred, or the closest option she had.

"Invi sustained a terrible wound during the war," I explained. "We thought she had the capacity to overcome its influence. We were wrong."

The war. The individuals standing in the chamber with me had each spent time fighting for the city, at one time or another. We were all responsible for quelling hackings and would-be anarchists that wished to see us deposed. Still, only some of the administration served during the great war that nearly destroyed our entire city.

"What will happen to us if Invi should perish?" Black Six asked, staring hard into the sphere's light. "What will happen to the veil?"

"I think you know the answers to both of those questions, Andrew," Invi said quietly. "Without my life force, BZ-Koro cannot remain active. This will be a city trapped in darkness…powerless to stop your enemies. As for the veil that Jon helped to design, it will fade with my death.

"The veil had been designed into Invi's programming when BZ-Koro was established. To enter the city, one had to pass through the veil, at which point the veil would request you create or identify an existing shell. Without choosing one of the two options, the veil would send in guests as phantoms, unable to interact with anyone or anything in the city. Like Invi, the veil is alive, and only chooses to speak to administrators and myself.

We departed the core that night as a somber group, uncertain of our next move. I decided it best to make my way out to the Library, taking a seat among some of the young short story writers. Up on the second floor, I happened to notice a staff member named Velox accepting a request for his critiquing group. The writers on the main floor were hard at work though, either reading or writing, though never too busy to address someone in my position of power.

"Good evening," one of them greeted, giving me a polite smile. He was a fairly new member, his heartlight devoid of any hologram that represented his cycles in the city. More telling of his youth was the glowing white communication number beneath his heartlight, counting the times he had publicly interacted with others in BZ-Koro. The number sat at 31. Like most new members, this writer had yet to make any serious contributions. That said, the silvery ring that wrapped around the outside of his heartlight was only filled on the left side, as it was with all new citizens.

"Hello, young writer. Please, carry on," I replied, standing up and heading on my way.

The short story writers were an easy-going collective, and I think it had always been that way. The epic writers took themselves a tad too seriously at times, while the comedy writers weren't serious enough. I think that was the point, but the polarity of their ideals never appealed to me much. Upon leaving the Library, I was back on the streets of the only home I had ever known. The city meant so much to so many that losing it would be a catastrophic loss. I couldn't let that happen, resolving to speak with Binkmeister as soon as possible to find any alternative to letting Invi just die. Unlike the younger members of the administration, Kelly knew what we sacrificed once to protect BZ-Koro…he remembered our darkest hour just as I did.

Cycle 002, Phase 09 [April, 2004]

The city was in chaos. BZ-Koro's regulations have always been strong enough to create dissent among some of the members and we were prepared for that from the start. What we didn't prepare for was the possibility that the conditions were optimal for manifesting something far worse. The second Invi knew what had occurred, she notified me and the upper administration at once. It was already too late. A negative double of the city was phasing in and out of local space-time, forcing us to confront a new enemy.

The entity that led the charge of shadowy monsters was beyond powerful; he was a seemingly unstoppable nightmare. The glossy white of his insectoid head and the intense blue of his eyes stared down at me from the skyscraper that had housed countless theories earlier in the morning. He leapt from the building, tearing his energy scythe through the structure's side along the way. It left a trail of bright emerald energies and brought the tower down. Once the entity landed, he wasted no time lunging at me with that scythe, forcing me to defend with my own golden blade, holding him at bay as best I could.

"What are you?" I growled, struggling to maintain my ground.

"I am the end of this city's suffering," he hissed, withdrawing his scythe before spinning at me.

I countered with my sword, taking my opening and punching my enemy in the jaw. He did a couple back flips, spinning the scythe around as he stared up at the sky. All around BZ-Koro, the sounds of the citizens could be heard as they battled the horde of armies our enemy had summoned.

"I am Hapori Dume, and I will eradicate you and your so-called order enforcers," he continued, running at me with the scythe.

I stood ready for his attack, but just when I thought he was going to strike, he took to the sky and flew off. A few more of his soldiers were headed my way, negative duplicates of the administration. They were nothing I couldn't handle. Our war with Hapori Dume's forces had begun at sunrise that morning. By the time night fell, much of the city was in ruins. Everywhere I went to defend the citizens, signs of Dume's work were present. He set fire to the Marketplace, razed much of the Creative Outlet district, and the usual mess that was Completely off Topic had been reduced to rubble. Even with the assistance of Crystal Matrix and his squadrons helping to battle Dume's forces, we were outmatched. Once I considered the solution to winning the war, it was well past midnight and the enemy was beginning to conquer entire districts of BZ-Koro from us.

My theory took me to Invi's core, moments too late. When I arrived in her chamber, she was flickering between her typical bright blue and a dark red color. She was not without a negative, it seemed. Dume approached her, his scythe glowing with power. I crept near to Invi and Dume, trying my best to keep quiet.

Dume laughed. "It wasn't easy coming down here, my dear. Your armies fought to the last, but they had no idea what they were standing against."

"How were you able to do this?" Invi asked.

In the time I had known Invi and in the years that followed, Invi never asked another question. I thought she had all the answers, and to those things she lacked answers for, she was unconcerned.

"I didn't do this," Dume replied. "You did. I am the personified result of all the animosity that others have toward you and will ever have toward you. I am the jealousy of every slighted and banned citizen and I am the rage of every hacker that will ever attempt to shut you down. I exist now to fulfill a purpose."

"If you can detect the presence of others that will attempt to bring me harm in the future, you must be aware that you will die," Invi said calmly.

"I am not destined to assist every renegade that wishes you dead, I am only a temporary answer to your demise. Now hold still, my dear. This will hurt."

I launched a burst of brilliant gold energies from my blade, immediately sending Dume across the room. He stood back up and I could tell he was impressed that I thought to come down to save Invi.

"I should've known I would see you again," Dume said with a smirk, firing a blast of the emerald energy out of his scythe.

I defended against it as he came closer, repelling the waves of power with relative ease. Without warning, he ran closer to the center of the room, redirecting the beam at Invi and slicing his scythe into her.

"No!" I screamed, blasting Dume again.

The scythe was vaporized within moments of touching Invi's surface, but I knew the damage had been done. Hapori Dume was flung backwards by my attack, but this time when he tried to stand, he saw we had more company.

"It would seem I have reached my destiny," he said in defeat.

I glanced over my shoulder and watched the BZ-Koro administration come to my side. As I pointed my blade at Dume, they drew their own weapons and followed my lead, striking him with everything we had. A few moments later, Hapori Dume was no more. We heard a rumble rip through the city then, a tremor that almost felt as though Invi's chamber would collapse on us.

"Hapori Dume's armies have vanished with his life force," Invi declared. "The city is at peace."

"Are you hurt?" I asked her.

"Dume's attack caused minimal damage. Recovery time is estimated at a few days," Invi replied.

"This still doesn't make sense," Bionicle Rex said. "How did Dume get his forces inside the city to begin with? The veil was designed to prevent any and all undesired entities from entering BZ-Koro!"

"Hapori Dume told me that I did this. Upon further analysis of comment, I have discovered that he was correct," Invi revealed.

"Why would you do this?" Binkmeister wondered, somewhat hurt by what he was hearing.

"We all did, indirectly," Invi continued. "Within each of us exists a positive and negative energy, constantly at odds. Those energies allow the citizens and your administration to take form here in BZ-Koro. Those energies were an unintended side effect of creating me in the first place, and so a piece of light and dark exists within us. Though we had no idea, Hapori Dume exists in the heartlights of all BZ-Koro members."

"At least we put an end to his VahkiPower regime," Bionicle Rex replied. "I wasn't just going to sit around and wait for him to take this city from us."

"It would certainly be out of character if you did, Rich." Invi's voice was even, though I could tell she was making an attempt at humor."

Dume came too close to annihilating this city," I said. "Are you sure the damage will be repaired within the next few days, Invi?"

"My systems are continually recalibrating the estimated repair time, but this is likely due to an error from damage sustained by Dume's attack. I am advanced enough to heal from something as crude and physical as a scythe."

"What's to say a physical wound was Dume's only intention?" Dimensioneer asked.

"I assure you, Jon, there is nothing Hapori Dume was capable of that I cannot repair in myself. I was designed as such."

Cycle 009, Phase 09 [April, 2011]

"I'm ready, Kelly," Invi whispered.

Binkmeister and I found our solution by looking to the past. If the Invision Power Board could be split into light and dark, it was also entirely possible that we could split her light into smaller sections. The light damaged by Dume would remain in the old BZ-Koro while a new city would be constructed and house most of her power beneath it. In order to do this without any outside interruptions, Invi would have to turn the veil's power up, to the point that only administrators and myself could enter the city.

"When we separate the damaged light, the current BZ-Koro will be damaged as well. Citizens will still be able to enter the city, but they will be as the phantom guests when they do. This metropolis will be a glorified archive. Also, Invi, when I shut you down…there's nothing saying we'll be able to activate you again," Binkmeister warned her.

"I am prepared for that, Kelly," Invi replied. "The sleep mode protocol is necessary if my damaged light is to be separated. If the process is done while I am active, the results could be even more disastrous for the city."

The entire BZ-Koro staff stood in the room, waiting patiently for my order. We had all said our goodbyes earlier in the week and now we were ready to let her go.

I glanced at Binkmeister and nodded. "Put her into recovery sleep."

Kelly connected a repair device into Invi's mainframe through the floor, typing a couple commands onto the holographic panel. A low rumble shook the city and we watched as Invi's sphere grew smaller, turning darker shades of blue as it did. This was the only way we could save a city that meant the world to me. BZ-Koro served a fine purpose, and though we had no guarantee of being able to reactivate Invi when our work was done, she was ready to take the risk, because BZ-Koro was her city too.

"Good night, Invi," I said quietly.

"Good," she replied, her voice failing at this point, "night."

Binkmeister turned to Dimensioneer and frowned. "I'll bring her back when we're ready…somehow. In the meantime, start evacuating the city. BZ-Koro must be undisturbed by the populous while we remove part of the AI core."

"I founded this city because I believed in what it would stand for," Dimensioneer replied. "I know this isn't the end. Not after everything we've done to come this far."

There was grave emotion in his tone. The city's establishment predated my existence, but I knew what I had been told. I knew that like every city, BZ-Koro had an origin.

Cycle 000, Phase 01 [July, 2002]

Jon and Mike stood on the outskirts of an empty white plane, a colossal portal built nearby. Before them was a sphere, a world, hovering in wait. It was populated already, but for what today's plan would be, it would never be the same world it had been. Deep within the spherical city-world, Kelly was waiting to activate the artificial intelligence that would maintain their new planet, a new Invision Power Board unit that could keep up with the extra load.

"This is a momentous day," Mike said with a smile.

"How simple will the process be?" Jon wondered. "I only ask because you have experience on the matter."

Mike chuckled. "Yes, changing your name because you have a few more citizens arrive is much less complicated than merging with an entirely separate world. All I can say is that once Kelly activates the board, the AI unit can trigger the portal for him and commence the fusion of our worlds."

Jon took a deep breath. "Okay, let's get to it." He pushed a button on his communication device and said, "Are you there, Kelly? We're ready to begin the merger."

"Ready on this end," Kelly replied. "Beginning activation momentarily…you should be able to see the veil for a second when I start."

Jon and Mike waited, catching a glimpse of the semi-transparent, violet wall that encased the sphere for only a brief moment. Jon pressed a separate button on his device and said, "Get ready, Rich. The gateway will be opening momentarily."

"I read you loud and clear," Rich said excitedly. "I'm in position atop the Administration Tower, watching the portal now. As soon as I see activity in there, I'll trigger the switch to begin expanding the city."

The gateway exploded to life, currents of energy rippling through the portal as the merger began. Jon and Mike stood aside, watching as the citizens of Kanohi-Power flooded out like a tidal wave. They had been prepped on what would be happening, but no one expected how violently their initial entry to the new world would be. Rich activated the city's built-in expansion protocol, watching as entire streets were shifted about and the sphere began to grow. All the while, more and more phantom-like Kanohi-Power members were shot into the veil, identifying themselves to the new AI unit and awaiting approval for entrance to the city.

"We're entirely operational down here," Kelly said, laughing happily. "The merger was a success."

"Looks like your BZCommunity just got a little bigger," Mike said, grinning at Jon.

"It's not BZCommunity anymore," Jon replied. "You told me your hope for our new city was to hold on to the belief that we are a close-knit village, despite our vast size. It's BZ-Koro now, thanks to you."

"And who will serve as the protector of this new, BZ-Koro?" Mike questioned. "We are creating a paradise here, and there is no doubt in my mind someone will want to take it or destroy it."

"I can design a defender that works with the AI, a sword to accompany the heart of our city's shield. A guardian and an advisor in times of crisis, he will be our avatar."

"Our avatar?" Mike repeated. "Then we'd better make sure he's the best machine this city has ever seen. I think with time, we should also examine some of the new AI's special subroutines, the Premier one in particular. The ability to grant enhancements to members and allow them to go beyond standard limitations sounds quite interesting."

"All in due time," Kelly replied. "I want to learn everything I can about this new AI as well."

Cycle 010, Phase 04 [October, 2011]

After a short eternity, Invi's poisoned light was extracted through the efforts of Kelly and the other administrators, as well as my own. We placed the greater portion of her into a new world, handling the processes in relative darkness for the most part. Without an active AI, the new world was cold and empty. We could only construct the shell and the buildings, the rest would have to be filled by the members with time. Everything else was left behind, historical memories to be seen or read.

"She's online," Kelly said happily. "The veil is being turned down to allow citizens to return."

When Kelly activated Invi once more, none of us knew what to expect. As the city's designated elite sentinel, I chose to approach her first. I extended a hand and gave her a smile.

"Hello, Invi. Can you hear me?"

Her cerulean light began to glow brighter and brighter, abandoning the dark azure we feared she may retain forever. At last, Invi was awake, ready to greet the new world and the members we had kept out for so long.

"Hello, Hapori Tohu," she replied. "I can hear you."

Thank you for the reviews and commentary everyone, very much appreciated.

One question. Why did Mirzova feel the need to take the shock blaster when he had a perfectly functional and effective Kanoka Launcher?

Another question, actually. Was it the Vahki who trashed the house, or the Rahi? Or both?

I have a funny Bionicle-related story written in prose. While the Comedies section accepts prose work, despite the overwhelming number of script-based works there, the SS forum is full of prose work, some of which have an emphasis on comedy. Still, my story has a large dose of humor to it. Is the location of where my prose comedy belongs—in either Comedies or SS—at my discretion at that point? Or is there is a remaining distinction between the two that I'm missing?

Thanks for the review, Nuile. You really found some depth in my work, and I am more than satisfied with your critique.

Considering my only remaining connection to Bionicle is writing about it on this website, my family really doesn't mind me working at my craft, regardless of where the inspiration is coming from.

Visitor

Ta-Metru was quieting down for the night, with only the few dedicated and obsessed crafters still at their forges. The realm of the mask makers was one of the oldest sectors of the city - a fiery industry of tools, disks, and Kanohi. The Nuurakh were designed to ensure Metru Nui had a workforce of forgers, but when a Ta-Matoran returned home was at his own discretion. Mirzova had made his usual walk home, taking the usual route and passing by the usual sight of other workers retiring for the evening. His was a life of routine, a fact he enjoyed very much. When life was scheduled, there were never any surprises. Mirzova didn't care much for surprises. He was actually quite satisfied with the topaz Hau he'd been wearing for as many millennia as he could recall. He stepped into his house and shut the door behind him, grabbing the news tablet before climbing the stairs. It was delivered early in the morning each day without fail and, most every day, Mirzova would absentmindedly leave it behind when he left for work. If nothing else, Mirzova always had a bit of new reading waiting on the table after a long day of shaping Kanohi.

The Ta-Matoran gently pushed open his bedroom door and took a seat at his chair near the window. When reading became tiresome, Mirzova would sometimes just stare down at the streetlamps and listen for the distant sounds of the machinery hard at work within the Great Furnace. He scanned the tablet, looking for anything particularly interesting. There had apparently been an incident in the Archives earlier that day. Mirzova shook his head in disapproval. While Onu-Metru had a few skilled minds such as the Matoran who invented the Vahki, their fixation on the past was generally looked down upon by the Ta-Matoran populous. Mirzova moved on to the next article, regarding a Ga-Metru teacher's study of the Great Temple and its importance to the city.

Mirzova suddenly heard a soft creaking sound and glanced up from the news, listening closely. Was someone in the house? He hadn't heard the door open. He slowly glanced over each shoulder, finding nothing out of the ordinary. Mirzova was about to return to reading when something caught his attention out the window. A lone Nuurakh. Mirzova set down the news and stared down at the mechanical enforcer, their gaze only separated by a clear layer of glass.

He was rather familiar with this particular Vahki, assigned to patrol the local area. Like all Vahki, it was part of a squadron, but due to a malfunction sustained at some point, this Nuurakh had been acting erratically for a few months. Mirzova and his neighbors were accustomed to seeing it ambling about on all fours, with no intention of pursuing lawbreakers. Mirzova had even watched a rather bold Ta-Matoran attempt to engage the Nuurakh in battle, pointing and aiming a loaded Kanoka launcher at it. The Nuurakh made no attempt to subdue or apprehend the Ta-Matoran, instead turning and leaving in a manner abnormally casual for a Vahki. Why the other squad members hadn't reported the Vahki was beyond Mirzova, and the Kanohi crafter wasn't concerned enough with a pacifist machine to file a report at the Coliseum. True, Nuparu was always more than happy to repair glitches or errors in his Vahki, but a trip to Onu-Metru was even further than one to the Coliseum.

Mirzova felt very uncomfortable about the Nuurakh staring up in his window, looking on with an ominous watchfulness, as if in anticipation. He hadn't broken any laws that he knew of, so what was the problem? Nervously, Mirzova returned to reading the news, eventually falling asleep in his chair. He awoke several hours later, gradually sitting up. His eye immediately caught an article in the news tablet about Great Furnace productivity, but Mirzova didn't have time for that. He set the tablet aside and adjusted his mask into place. Work would be starting soon.

Mirzova walked in to his crafting chamber later that morning, prompt as always, and got straight to work. A few hours into his shift, one of his superiors stopped in for a moment. There was a tap near the doorway and Mirzova whirled around.

"Nuhrii," he said, smiling. "How is everything this morning?"

"Never better," Nuhrii replied, returning the smile in his crimson Ruru. "Did you read the news yesterday? Productivity in the Great Furnace is higher than ever!"

Mirzova paused. "Yeah, I read that…this morning, actually. I dozed off trying to keep an eye on this weird Nuurakh last night."

"Won't attack lawbreakers? Travels alone?" Nuhrii wondered.

Mirzova tilted his head a bit. "How do you know?"

"Another one of the supervisors was talking to me about a crafter that lives near you. He went to the Coliseum and intended to take up the issue with Turaga Dume, but the Turaga has been awfully busy as of late. After a repair worker successfully tested the Vahki's motor skills, it was decided that the order-enforcer was still able to perform its role in the city. Besides, what's one Vahki among dozens that doesn't have its head screwed on right?"

"I think you'd feel differently if it had been staring into your window," Mirzova replied.

Mirzova came home that night as he always did, taking the news tablet up to his bedroom. He sat down in his chair and relaxed, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out. Just as he was about to read an interview about a Ko-Metru scholar, Mirzova heard the creaking sound again. It was the same as the night before and once Mirzova looked up, the Vahki was already there. Despite their purpose as law enforcers, Mirzova felt entirely uncomfortable with a Nuurakh staring blankly up into his home. The machine was behaving so bizarre, the fear of it killing him vastly outweighed the fear of it arresting him for some unknown crime. As Mirzova looked into the glow of its emerald visual receptors, he could tell it wanted something. It was on a mission of some kind and Mirzova wanted nothing more than to end it.

The Vahki continued to show up for several more nights like clockwork, gazing, waiting until Mirzova was fast asleep in his chair. Each morning when Mirzova would rise, the Vahki was always long gone. It had shown no signs of intending the Ta-Matoran any sort of bodily harm, but after a week of becoming increasingly worried over the robot's unwanted company, Mirzova had enough. He decided to arrive for work earlier than usual—when the supervisors showed up—making his way to Nuhrii's forge and tapping on the doorway.

Nuhrii glanced over his shoulder, setting down a couple tools when he spotted his guest and raising an eyebrow at the sight. "Come in, Mirzova. You do know you're early, right?"

Mirzova laughed nervously. "Is that a crime now?"

Nuhrii took a cautious step toward Mirzova, clearly disturbed by Mirzova's behavior. "In the centuries you've worked for me, I have never once seen you come in early…or late for that matter. It's just a little odd."

"I need to ask you a favor," Mirzova said quietly, closing the space between the two Matoran. He suspiciously looked around, making sure no one else was nearby. Confident they were alone, he added in a hushed tone, "I need to borrow your shock blaster. Just for tonight."

Nuhrii's eyes widened at the request. "Mirzova, I keep my blaster here in case any criminals attempt to steal Kanohi, mask making tools, or other forge equipment. I've never seen a shock blaster kill a Matoran, but they have quite a kick to them. I don't think it would be wise to let you just take one home. I'm sorry. I think you should go home now, take the day off to clear your head."

"The Vahki," Mirzova muttered, his tone sounding slightly deranged. "There's something wrong with that Vahki I told you about."

"That's what this is all about?" Nuhrii asked. "One of our mechanical protectors has you all frantic? Listen, I hardly think"-

Mirzova pulled the disk launcher on Nuhrii and took a few steps back. "That's a mid-level freezing disk I have loaded in there. Give me the blaster or you'll be the one taking a day off."

"Mata Nui!" Nuhrii exclaimed. "Think about what you're doing, Mirzova!"

Mirzova fired the disk immediately after, instantly encasing Nuhrii in crystalline ice. Putting the launcher away, he began searching through Nuhrii's belongings. Within a few minutes, Mirzova stumbled upon the shock blaster, hidden beneath an imperfectly crafted Ruru. A small silver weapon, it had enough potency to put down a rogue Vahki - precisely what Mirzova wanted. Keeping the blaster close, Mirzova hurried home before the work day began and quickly closed the door behind him. Leaning against the door, Mirzova slumped to the floor and took a moment to catch his breath. He had just stolen city property and froze his boss. Mirzova tried not to think about what the consequences of those actions would be, opting to head upstairs for a while. The Ta-Matoran only took a few steps into the house before stopping short in absolute horror.

Crudely carved into the wall by what Mirzova assumed was a Staff of Command was the word "run." Mirzova felt as frozen as Nuhrii, the icy chill of fear locking him in place. Only his hands had movement, trembling as they held the stolen blaster. The house had been torn apart while he was away, items and furniture haphazardly strewn about the house. Mirzova rushed upstairs with the blaster ready to fire and looked around. His entire bedroom was eerily untouched. Mirzova approached the bedroom door and locked it, deciding to stand before the window for a while. If and when the Vahki returned that evening, the Ta-Matoran would be ready.

Mirzova nervously paced the room that entire day, checking the window often, jumping at the slightest sound in the house. In his frantic impatience, he had created a second problem by freezing his supervisor. The other workers would surely find Nuhrii once the work day started, thawing him out and expecting an explanation. If Nuhrii chose not to trust Mirzova with the shock blaster, his house would have more than one Vahki coming to see him. The Ta-Matoran tried to push that thought out of his mind, walking around the room as often as possible. When he walked, it drowned out the quieter sounds in the house. He wanted to be ready for anything, but at the same time, Mirzova was getting tired of being scared by every little sound. Even the low rumble of the Great Furnace was beginning to frighten him. Was the sound really even coming from the massive forge, or was a large squadron of Vahki coming to take him into custody? Mirzova was panicking and the worst part was that he knew it. When nightfall was on its way, he was a wreck - his gaze set out the bedroom window. The Nuurakh arrived as it had in the nights before, standing carefully before Mirzova's home and commencing its nightly watch.

"Enough of this," Mirzova growled, charging the shock blaster up.

He rushed to the bedroom door and unlocked it, storming down the stairs to his front door. Blaster at the ready, Mirzova threw the door open and took aim at where the Vahki had been. He quickly pointed the weapon the other way, searching for any sign of the robotic enforcer. With no Vahki in sight, Mirzova's short-lived bravery vanished and the fear set in once more. It was only until he narrowed his eyes on a distant streetlamp that Mirzova could see the Vahki heading off into the night. By coming outside, Mirzova had somehow driven the Nuurakh away. That wasn't enough to make him feel safe again though.The Ta-Matoran hurried after the Vahki, stalking it from the shadows. He was reluctant at first, knowing how powerful a Staff of Command was and well-aware that the Vahki could very well catch him by surprise. The Nuurakh finally stopped for a moment, standing beneath another streetlamp and scanning the surrounding area. Mirzova took his chance and lined up the blaster with the Vahki's chest plate, pulling the trigger with a bit of hesitation. The Vahki took the blast directly, screeching out momentarily before collapsing to the ground. Mirzova moved in slowly, quietly prepared to finish what he started. The Nuurakh was twitching under the light, violent spasms erupting from its limbs every few seconds. Mirzova fired a second time, this burst going directly into the Vahki's head. The machine became still, its eyes dimming out to a dark, dead gray.

Mirzova curiously examined the Vahki, careful not to touch it and get an unwelcome jolt. It appeared to be as normal as any other, so what did it want from Mirzova? He wasn't sure, but he was confident his nightmare with the Nuurakh was over. Mirzova returned home in silence, never crossing paths with a single Vahki along the way. Nuhrii chose to fault the early morning freezing on personal negligence, believing Mirzova wasn't a serious threat to the city with a little zapper. Without Nuhrii's trust, Mirzova would've been spending the night under Vahki control.

The Ta-Matoran tossed the blaster to the floor when he got inside the house, locking the door and heading up to his bedroom with the latest news tablet. He took a seat before the window and set the tablet down, releasing a soft chuckle as he looked out the window. Explanations for his actions could wait until morning. For the moment, Mirzova was satisfied with getting in a bit more reading before bed.

During his week living in fear of the Vahki, had Mirzova been paying more attention to the news, he would've been more informed about the missing Archives creature. He would've read about its high intelligence, nocturnal behaviors, its mastery of stealth and silence, gleaming red eyes, and rows of sharp teeth. He would've realized the Vahki was concerned with the silhouette of something hovering over the Matoran each night, patiently, noiselessly waiting for the moment to strike. With that malfunctioning Nuurakh laying broken in the street and nothing left to keep the creature at bay, that moment had finally come.

Still no other reviews? Man, people are missing out. This is becoming as engaging as I initally expected. If I had a blog on this site (which may happen soon), I'll definitely be recommending this epic to others. Great stuff, ZOMBI3S!-Ced

Wow thanks, that means a lot! I prefer to think that people are intimidated by my beautiful storytelling and are too shy to post...but you know how it is. I've just revamped the epic and the this topic to make it look more professional.....hopefully that'll get the kids to come!

I'm planning to enter the SS LSO, though there's a notable difference between planning and acting. Time will tell if I actually get anything written on the matter.

Happy birthday, Smeag!

I think there was a fad among MOCists where extreme minimalism was becoming widespread. To the point that creativity was suppressed under using a few pieces to make a MOC of this or that. Much worse than the Stars fad Sumiki mentioned. It may or may not have coincided with the general time when a MOC made of a few pieces nearly won (or might've actually won) a BBC contest. I seem to recall both events occurring around the same time.

Might as well start a trend then: Surrounded, Alone by Valixia. Assigned to Nuile.

Yes, sir, ma'am, sir! *salutes* Reviewed, as per request and assignment, thank you for choosing the SSCC. I think I'll further this trend. I would like to request reviews, please, for three individual pieces of flash fiction, found in this compilation: The Chimera, The Right Path, and Feel Good. Assigned to--oh, wait, I can't continue that part of the trend. Oh, well, my gratitude, then.

From the desk of Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith