Noxryn

February 12, 2017

u should see how i type offsite its pretty atrocious if grammar is the scale on which we go by here

February 12, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Happy Thoughts -

"Hm," Vwynolyn made the sound aloud as she thought for a moment, wondering quite what she enjoyed the most during her time. "To be honest, there aren't a lot of things. Aside from the happiness I felt anytime someone referred to me as a woman without prompting, or insult, which in and of itself was... rare, I suppose I liked some people I came across. Usually one's I'd do... call them favors, for. There's a large amount of disrespectful sorts, but... there were always a few who treated me well. Used the terms I wanted, made me feel comfortable, gave me compliments and sometimes offered food, or a prolonged stay in a bed, a way to clean myself, too. I think those were the better things. Most of what I take pleasure in comes in the form of writing, or archery itself. Sometimes drinking, but I developed a problem with that." She sighed audibly, her face a bit red with some of the things she could recount, eyes shifting to the side a bit. "But... that makes me kind of curious, what sorts of things do you enjoy to do, yourself?"

February 11, 2017

IC

-Vwynolyn: Still Not Over Square 1 -

"Physically it can be cold sometimes, not quite as... humid, here. At least from what I remember," Vwyn started in response, biting her lip a little bit as, while she initially purely meant places of her childhood, coldness in other forms often came for her in those days. "And... a, a bit, yes. There was a period when things weren't as rough, but... for the most part, take your initial reaction to what I had to say and am, and multiply it. Without any sort of... protection." Even walking amongst the others, she shifted a little bit, visibly pained from some of the memories that came to mind as her eyes looked off to the side. A part of her unsure if it was so wise to share so much, mostly as she did not quite think Zafin a friend, not for desire to not be, but Vwynolyn figured the woman not quite one to make and retain friendships judging by the way they initially met, at least.

February 11, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Well Then -

"Oh, I wasn't aware," Vwynolyn responded after a moment, it taking a moment for her to realize Zafin was actually a noble, although a part of her felt it improper to treat her without that respect initially considering her station. "But I'm glad, and I appreciate it, at the very least I know I won't end up lost or somehow manage to find my way stuck somewhere," she half thought to make a joke of finding herself in some restricted area, though with the context of everything, she felt that one would be a bad thing to even mention in a passing joke remark. "It's quite hot here, different from... well, my own childhood," she added, her eyes wandering about the scenery, Vwynolyn admittedly more comfortable in colder climates, the woman only glad she wasn't sweating up a storm in her outfit.

February 11, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Blame the Heat -

Not expecting a response, Vwynolyn's attention perked up again from the new reply. Her face turned a shade redder, unused to anyone wanting to be in her presence for a prolonged time, she blamed internally. "I... I appreciate that," she commented back, "Hopefully that won't end up a bother, since I doubt many here would have any enthusiasm about something like that," she meant the last to be a bit joking, though there was likely more truth to the statement than she would have liked. A part of Vwynolyn took that to mean she'd end up around Yumiwa most of the time, as she figured Zafin would stick glued to the Empress' side. Not that she could blame that: it made sense, and fell in line with Zafin's own duties and Vwynolyn doubted her the type to wander away from that actual, physical position willingly. To Vwynolyn, the woman seemed too dutiful for that, in a way Vwynolyn found herself respecting.

February 11, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Sad, but Fair -

Vwynolyn sighed visibly, one of her hands rubbing along the back of her neck as she did not seem too overjoyed by the news. "That's... fair," she responded in ideatalk, appearing to wish the case would be otherwise. "Perhaps it's poor of myself to take comfort having my weapon, but I understand the reasoning," she added, intending to assert that she was more than wiling to comply, even if it made her a bit uncomfortable ultimately. Of all the things she had on her, the weapon and her own mask were the two physical constants for her. It still seemed clear Vwynolyn held some latent fears about this overall meeting, more in that the day would only grow more uncomfortable for her as it went on.

February 11, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Idea Talk on the Walk -

For a long while she zoned out. Feet moving in procession with everyone else, the hotter temperature in the air, it felt hard for her to stay completely focused on what felt like absolutely nothing but walking. Long, dull, walking. It felt nice, at least, to have her bow on her person although she could feel a few others around were a bit less enthusiastic about her choice to take it with. After all, not too many seemed to trust her too much, if at all. Honestly, she felt happy neither of the Imperial Guards too issue with her, or Yumiwa, or her handmaiden. At least, not issue to immediately have her return the weapon back to her room. It wasn't for want of using it, but it always brought a sense of personal safety and comfort to her. Knowledge that if something out of the ordinary happened, or if someone chose to confront her, she had a means to defend herself.

Her deep, pink colored eyes shot up when her mind was touched by Zafin, to say the few words to prompt her for that eventuality. For a moment she seemed a bit back out of possible daydreams, her fingers wiping themselves along her dress.

"I... yes, that makes sense. I presume... I would receive it on my way back?" She asked the second question as, frankly, she felt uncertain if they would want to give it back to her, or if one of the Imperial Guards present with them would prefer to take charge of it on the way back. After all, she wasn't here in the position of a warrior, a guard, or a soldier. That possibility wouldn't surprise her, although a part of her would feel a bit sad to be away from her weapon. Similar to how a younger child might be unhappy if their favorite toy was taken from them, though with less risk of a tantrum.

Posted February 8, 2017 · February 8, 2017

Greenbean plots political murders for political ascension.

Posted February 8, 2017 · February 8, 2017

That is, clearly, a rock.

February 8, 2017

3/5 also because I vaguely remember you around a while back, haha

February 3, 2017

Hey. We should all bet who's gonna die first .

i have a good health plan

the guy who knocked on my door and sold it to me said so

January 31, 2017

It's usually a solid practice to try and explain things, even what might seem like common knowledge, than regulating members to wikis and the like. Wikis, while helpful, don't often provide a great sense of the in-game location, or the in-game story one is going with (I used to utilize wikis for a lot of RP's in the past, and ultimately I had to read the actual stories instead since it felt so unhelpful at the time -- 1200 chapters of information collectively, sheesh). There's also the likelihood people might be interested, but say, weren't around when the Dark Hunters were a primary force in the canon and, so, have less knowledge about them and an explanation for that isn't unhelpful to have.

Same for like, explanations of layouts of locations like Odina and Metru-Nui. I remember Metru-Nui pretty well, but I don't have many solid memories of Odina and a refresher is always good to have for people (and a good use of the in-game reference and interpretation of that location). There's also likely a lot of fans nowadays that weren't around for the Metru-Nui arc (it is... 13/12 years old now? )

A rules section is always, IMO, necessary. It provides limits and lines for players to abide by (and provides a refresher on important rules -- like no Bunnying characters without permission, or god-moderating in a given game). Combat's largely what drives up a lot of OOC drama in my experience so having clear cut rules over it would help create a basis in case arguments/disputes arise and the rules can be used as a basis to resolve them.

January 30, 2017

Yes, though the word 'love' wasn't used in them, nor was anyone ever officially together or dating.

It's pretty obvious what was intended behind the interactions. It doesn't need to be explicitly official to understand the context between the characters at the time.

It isn't love in general that isn't canon, it's a type of it (romantic love).

Pends how you define romance, at that point. In general the idea was to avoid the concept of love in terms of two unrelated individuals coming together as a couple, as consumers would understand it. Yet, it existed. Often times as subtext, though there were definitely moments where it was overt. That particular rule was not kept to well.

January 30, 2017

I picked water purely off the basis I like the color cmon we don't all think this stuff through.

January 30, 2017

I'm gonna try this doohicky out, it looks fun. So, uh, Water had slots open? Because, that one.

(sent a pm)

January 29, 2017

Romance is something that can occur between two sentient beings, regardless of other details. Or, specifically, even a deep care for another and love for another: perhaps not romantic, but clearly love for another, regardless.

Before, back during MNOG, there were small pieces of cutesy romance and mutual care (Hewkii and Macku being the most prevalent). It existed prior to becoming de-canonized, so it's clearly possible within the realm of the Bionicle universe. Granted, there's also a lot of text through the books and events throughout the series that does imply relationships can happen and come into existence despite the "Love isn't canon" statement.

It can make stories a bit more fun for some, given I do like cutesy romance and I find it fun and potentially endearing pending on how two characters behave and interact with one another. Removing it felt strange, since even after the removal, instances of it still existed in canon.

January 29, 2017

"Zydrate Anatomy" -- Repo! The Genetic Opera

January 29, 2017

I've been primarily into other hobbies since 2008ish, though more because Lego sets are kind of pricey. Namely, with me, it's writing, videogames, the occasional Lego expenditure (I mean, maybe more -- Nexo Knights seems kind of cool, and I like the Elves theme, not to mention Star Wars x.x;;;; ). But a lot of pursuing goals and everything in life itself, too.

Otherwise, I have spent time RPing on here in the BZPRPG again. And RPing elsewhere, a lot of elsewhere's (Like 10 other websites, three other games, etc... )

January 27, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Standing in the Procession -

She wished there were some more options presented to her back in the room, for attire. Letting out a soft sigh as she thought of that the tall, lithe Dasaka found herself walking with the group behind the Empress. Vwynolyn hadn't wanted to stick out, or have questions thrown her way on the onset of stepping back onto land, so she only made effort to try and blend in. Of course, she kept quiet for now since there weren't all too many things she felt like talking about even with those directly around and adjacent to her. All she wanted to do was think, think and focus on her part of this whole thing.

The Priestesses are supposed to look over me, she thought with a worried frown, but that doesn't necessarily exclude anyone who happens to find me interesting. I don't know if they'll ask me anything in that process, or want me to explain myself. I'm just hoping they don't think this is all for some kind of political ploy, or some kind of desire to cause unwanted unrest and unease. It's not like I'm still... well, with my clan I suppose. But they might not consider that: it didn't seem like many thought I was here on my own accord. And then the legal stuff, and I don't know much about the details and intricacies of legality and law. Wasn't something I really studied. This is all so nerve wracking, I can feel knots in my stomach and at this point I just hope I don't end up losing my breakfast.

Pausing her thoughts for a moment, she looked up towards the sky. Bright, with the encroaching sensation of a heavy, humid heat. Humidity paired with higher temperatures were not her favorite climates, Vwynolyn often preferred cold and cloudy days with ample rain and harsh wind. With the skirt, the material was still thin enough to move easily and without feeling overheated. At least, she felt, sweating from walking even in this heat wasn't a commonality for her. Unless she chose to wear her armor, she quite happy she chose not to as water had not been something she thought to find a container to bring with.

"I hope this goes well," she mumbled softly to herself, eyes peering straight ahead.

January 27, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Awkward Moments -

For a long while, well into the sunlit morning, Vwynolyn continued to sit quietly at the small table drawing. As far as artistry went, her drawn dream scene came out more vivid and descriptive than she would have thought within her own abilities. Depicting herself standing on the precipice of that cliff from her nightmare, the ornately detailed Peacemaker between her hands with an arrow drawn as the vague, black shape of a massive wolf leapt into the air. Some of the words she remembered were written here and there; "What are You" and "Antithesis of Order" the two more prominent phrases, both floating above the scene with some of her own recollections written down below the scene in her neat, small, curvaceous script. When finished, she sat back and stared at the pages for a long time; lost in thought and not yet peering out the porthole again: to her it felt as if only minutes passed by, so engrossed she'd been with this calming product of self-care.

After a moment her mind snapped back to the present: cold, not sweaty anymore, but the feeling of morning began to sit with her. Standing up and rubbing at her face and eyes with a hand, she looked around the room briefly and sighed happily. At least a pitcher filled with water was provided, Vwynolyn not noticing it until now as she hadn't felt thirsty or in need for a face washing. Walking over to it, she picked up the large, glass container in both of her hands and thirstily drank out of it.

Rivulets of water dripped down from her chapped lips, but since she wasn't wearing anything, there was little discomfort or care about that. When she finished drinking, panting after a moment and wiping off her mouth with a forearm she looked at the third of the water remaining. The thought to poor it over her head came to mind, though cleaning up the spillage on the floor would require her to use the blankets and she wasn't quite in the mood to end up on someone's bad side. Instead she dipped her hands down into it, leaning her face over the top and splashing the cool liquid against her face, washing the nighttime drowsiness away along with the uncomfortable sensation of dried sweat.

Right as she finished, a loud knock came at her door and momentarily she glanced over to the porthole to once more try and gauge the time. "Oh," she mumbled to herself, surprised to see the sun already up and casting small shadows about the room. As the door started to open she had half a mind to try and say "Wait!" but by the time the thought to do so came to her, it was already open and a steward stood there with a bundle of items.

Almost as surprised as Vwynolyn, the steward lost her train of thought a moment: not expecting to see the six foot tall Dasaka standing with a dripping wet face and a mostly empty pitcher in front of her. Not to mention the immodesty.

"... Hi," Vwynolyn broke the good ten second silence, giving a small, awkward wave with her hand. "I'm not that impressive, what is, uh, that you have?" She asked, staying put as the red-faced steward walked in and deposited the bundle of things on the bed -- the largest space available that wasn't the floor.

Clearing her throat, closing her eyes a moment to clear her head, the steward looked back up and answered the question and then some. "Your armor, your weapon, some other options for clothing befitting the climate. Paired with a wake-up call, we're arriving soon and the Empress is above."

Lightly Vwyn nodded, ignoring the fact the steward had eyes on her as she walked over to the bed to look at the options presented. "I take it wearing something heavy, designed for protection, is going to be uncomfortable," she mumbled softly after a moment, putting the parts of her armor off to the side for the time being. Besides, on this island, Vwynolyn doubted she would be in much a position to need it. Ideally, at least.

"Thanks, by the way, little scatter minded. You don't need to stay in here since I can tell I'm making you uncomfortable, but, to be fair, I lost track of time." The Dasaka did not look up to the steward, eyes focused on her current set of options.

"That's all I came to tell you, and all I came to give you. So if you know the way up a small amount of stairs I'm confident you can find your way, then?" Vwynolyn only nodded, attention focused on the clothes her hands fingered through curiously. With that the steward turned and quickly left the room, shutting the door quickly.

"Wish there'd been a sign I could've put on it that said 'not modest, enter at your own peril,'" she mumbled. Luckily there weren't too many red clothes, otherwise she would have gone in her armor instead despite the discomfort. Of course, there were some pieces, likely small jabs from the person picking things out to remind her that she was a Fursic, but Vwynolyn ignored the intended comment. "Blacks and blues. Lots of grey, at least... less than fifty shades of it thank the Goddess; well... not wearing the black," she muttered to herself, aware the color of her own armor bordered on appearing black to most, despite it simply a deep, dark blue. She assumed the blue and grey colors were more provided as they were simple base colors, blue was a shared commonality amongst Dasaka and grey was simply neutral in its scheme.

"So, dark blue skirt," she mumbled as she set that to the side in the "probably going to wear" pile, flicking matching undergarments over. "Problem with black. It goes well with everything, but I can't abide by the meaning. Would rather go without leggings or stockings than with," she mumbled, setting black colored garments and red colored garments into the "nice try" pile. Tilting her head a little, she did find a pair of dark grey leggings and nodded her head as she put those on top of the long skirt. "Now... what for tops..."

The skirt and leggings, Vwyn felt, would feel comfortable and breathe well in the environment. Not something too thick, or too contained that could build up heat and make her sweat too easily. She did not want it all too casual, however; though the options made it rather hard to make something a bit nicer. "So... dark grey shirt, which is..." she held it up to her own torso, judging its length, "long enough. But... is that too much dark grey," Vwyn looked over at the pile she set up in thought. Eventually she nodded quietly and put it on top.

Picking up a long, blue ruffled sweater, that wrapped to close around the torso she thought a moment. "Oh, wait... it's a bit... nnn... I mean, I guess it could look nice on me?" She held it up for a moment in thought, the darker color something Vwyn felt might help make her shoulders look a little less pronounced. "... this'll be okay."

Putting aside her outfit and moving the rest of what she did not want to the side, the Dasaka began to dress herself.

It did not take long for her, much shorter than her decision making process, but after she was done she stood up and looked over herself. The skirt was almost dress-like with the length; it fell down past her knees and stopped above her ankles, the dark grey leggings covered, though she wanted them on as Vwyn did have a small sense of self consciousness about her legs. With how the skirt sat around her waist, tighter at the top and flowing outwards slightly, it gave her normally slim frame a decent, hour glass shape that worked with the rest of what she picked out.

The shirt felt a bit tight around her, Vwyn figured it purposeful; the bra she had on was luckily more on the thick, padded side of the fence which gave her more of a chest that seemed to work well with the way the shirt wanted to fit on her. With how thin the shirt felt, she still figured she would need the last piece of clothing to wear out; a matching blue to her skirt, the ruffled wrap sweater. In her eyes, it looked lovely. And while technically a sweater, the material felt barely thicker than a thin blanket at best, and the way it was made allowed for it to appear whole and breathe comfortably.

Slipping that on last, fixing everything so it lined up, wrinkles were smoothed out, Vwynolyn looked over herself again. The shape the outfit gave her outlined, and created a nice series of curves she felt helped her appear far more womanly than the dress earlier did. Her face already had a softer, feminine appearance to it and as she saw what she could of her reflection in the window she smiled broadly. "Okay, well... well the people on the ship might not since they all know of me, but... maybe people on the island will just refer to me as a woman to begin with, looking like this?" She asked herself, hoping for that outcome as the times when it did happen, it always cheered her up.

Eventually, her eyes fell onto her bow and quiver lying on the bed: the weapon in as great condition as it was the day she received it, as it was one of her most prized and cared for possessions. "... I suppose, maybe I could grab these. Worst case I'm told to put them back, best case I get to keep them on my person just so I feel comfortable knowing where they are. Well... okay, worst case it's seen as an affront and Lady Zafin stabs me, but I don't think these would be here if I wasn't allowed? At least for a bit." Slowly she walked back over to the bed and grabbed both, the quiver itself attached on a belt that could be shifted for wear around the waist, or slung over her back. Since she figured on her back might be a tad cumbersome and the particular quiver she had was smaller in design, she chose to clasp it around her waist for now.

Her bow had a sling that went with it, matching the black color of the belt that she clipped on, thinking it best if she had her hands free and could simply have it on her back. If nothing else, she felt it would be nice to have the tools of her training and class. "If they tell me to give them up, that's fine. But I missed this, and Peacemaker's... comfortable and familiar," she mumbled softly, perhaps a bit worried it might be too presumptuous of her to actually wear the weapon out.

After she finished dressing, fixing up her appearance and straightening her presentation, Vwynolyn slipped her feet into a pair of dark blue flats that matched her skirt and top. Some shoes provided had heels, but Vwyn did not like the thought of wearing heels and walking, potentially, for a while in them. Hurting her feet was not something she wanted to do.

Shyly she walked out of her assigned room, making the now familiar walk back up onto the decks. Still tense and nervous someone would yell at her for the impulsive want to have her bow with her, though she supposed that would come sooner than later and was an easy enough thing to remedy to warrant the risk. Quietly she walked up the stairs, taking in a long breath of fresh air as she appeared on the deck once again; rejuvenated, happier in mien with a light bounce to her step as she walked along, keeping an eye out for the Empress as she felt Yumiwa would want to know where she was before they docked.

January 26, 2017

IC:

- Vwyn -

Rest came easy, after a time.

Retiring to her room, chilled to the bone and shivering long after; Vwynolyn found herself wrapped tightly under the blankets and covers provided to try and warm herself up. With one pillow under her head, another atop her bare chest under the blankets with arms wrapped around it tightly, her eyes stared for a long time at the ceiling before they eventually closed and gave into a warm rest.

***

What are you?

A voice came amidst a nighttime blackness; Vwyn standing precariously on a rocky ledge that overlooked both sky and ocean. With how the two met on the horizon, they seemed to form an endless void both up and down. Only a frigid, stiff breeze blew past to toss around her old cloak that remained riddled with stains and tears: some stains were from liquor, some from grass and dirt, others with blood that now left a rusted orange. All from her fights, from her traveling: her history.

For a time she remained silent, burning pink eyes glaring out from the cowl of her cloak as her head tilted downwards. Dark, black waves splashed up along the jagged rocks that lined the bottom of the cliff, but it brought little sense of fear. Standing there, she felt a strange feeling of emptiness that mirrored the void-esque vision before her.

"Complicated," she muttered in quiet response to the disembodied voice carried by the sharp wind. In her years there hadn't been a soul to confide in, to speak with for help, or as a friend.

Details.

As the voice came again, Vwyn bit onto her bottom lip. Time passed and as she thought, she only bit harder, her teeth cutting into the flesh.

"I am Vwynolyn, a Fursic by birth and an honorless wanderer by choice. A daughter no one wanted, a troublemaker everyone distrusted or despised. An archer, a Sighteye, a warrior. A writer, a bad dancer and a worse singer," a sigh slipped from her mouth, cold fingers moving up to wipe the welled blood off her lip, flicking it out over the edge. "Someone with a lot of regrets, a lot of anger, a lot of sadness. Who wants to be rid of those vices, to become a someone that reflects who I am. That reflects what I can be." Slowly she picked up her head, eyes staring at the featureless black sky in her mind's eye.

Vwynolyn, the "Antithesis" of Order.

The response made her shake her head, eyes closing as her face tilted back downwards, fingers gripping tight to where her cloak clasped tight about her tall, slender frame. "I don't like that." She whispered quietly, the phrase was one that caused her a sense of pain and shame since the first time it was uttered towards her. "I'm not virtuous now, I admit. I don't have a clan I feel I belong to, and I feel lost... confused, scared. If I could... just be myself, I wouldn't be an antithesis of anything. I'd just be me, just be... maybe not the common Dasaka, but at least someone with those common desires. Someone who could keep to the virtues themselves." A pause, a sharp breath; she looked up once more.

"I wish I could be different in this life. I wish I could have felt safe, happy, contented with home. I wish I could have felt welcomed and respected by my family, my clan. I had promise, potential. An excellent shot, refined by further training. An excellent Sighteye, refined by further training. Maybe not the finest with words, maybe not the finest with not day dreaming. But it's not like those things mattered. How could I continue to excel in an environment that slowly turned against me?" Slowly she found herself sitting down on the rocky precipice, holding her head in her hands. "How could I continue to grow, to become stronger, to become a better person, a better clan member, a better presence... when I cannot feel safe, and I'm doing little more than living what I believe is a lie? But a lie everyone around me believes so fully, so truly, that when I state the truth it's disregarded. And I'm disregarded. Would me upholding Order, in that case, only shunt away Power, and possibly even Honor?" A long sigh fell from her, body trembling lightly as various memories flooded back to her.

"It would be more a disservice to the virtues themselves had I forced myself to be otherwise. Perhaps not Order, but there's more than just Order. And if I have to be considered some... some virtue-less heathen, just so I can get myself to a point where I could honor them all, then... then so be it." A wet heat dripped down her soft cheeks, fingers moving again to wipe away the salty tears, "I hate crying."

The voice did not come back for a further statement, or another word on the matter.

Suddenly, Vwynolyn felt chilled, huddling closer under her cloak, fingers brushing along the familiar crystalline re-curve bow she had for years now. She missed how it felt. Familiar, calming. A sense of security and safety.

Her ears twitched as a loud snap filled the air behind her. In a moment of trained response, muscles taking over and moving without thought commanding them to do so, she stood and spun around on the spot in a swift, deft manner. Before her the crystalline bow, the Peacemaker, was drawn in her hand, the other already had an arrow nocked and pulled back full string.

From the sharp, quick movements her heavy, scarred cloak lost its grip and blew off her with a gust, flapping out and disappearing off the edge of the cliff into the endless void below.

Vwyn ignored that, focusing her eyes on the danger of the present.

Crimson eyes burned in every creature she stared at: they resembled wolves, ravenous, hungry, growling and clawing at the dirt. Their jet black fur blended into the backdrop of trees and forest and starless sky, Vwyn's only indication of position and number being the deep, red eyes staring at her.

The largest, easily twice her own size, let out a snarl before it leapt into the air; white fangs stained with a deep amaranth.

Resigned to fight, her fingers let go of the long, needle-like crystal arrow.

***

Vwynolyn woke with a sharp gasp, eyes wide open and heart pounding in her chest. Cold sweat covered her body, dripping off her chin and making the pile of blankets over herself damp. Panting heavily, she raised a trembling hand to wipe the sweat off her face. "Nn... huh?" She mumbled, feeling something sticky on her bottom lip before she pulled her hand away, her lip bleeding from the moment she bit it. At least, when she dreamed of that, she must've actually done it.

Staring for a few moments as she collected her thoughts and self, she shook her head slowly. "I wasn't mumbling in my sleep, was I?" She asked herself, there not being anyone present to confirm or deny the question.

Still shaking, her eyes looked out the small porthole to gauge the time. Not long before dawn; not a time where she was to be picked up from her room yet.

Climbing out of the bed, not caring about modesty -- whoever opened the door with a knock would simply have to deal with it, in her opinion -- she walked herself over to the small table. Finding something to write with, she sat down and flipped her diary open until she could find clear pages. "I'm running out of space," she commented to herself, before slowly starting to draw the scene from her dream.

It calmed her, to focus on the line-work instead of the thoughts in her head, or the vivid pictures they painted when she slept.

"Wonder if... I'll have a different thing to wear," she mumbled aloud, unsure if it'd be the wisest to have to wear the same dress again, more as she did not want to learn of some stain on it from dinner and then mistakenly present herself in a poor manner whenever the ship would make it to Oki. The thought also served to distract her.

"I miss my bow."

January 25, 2017

"A Demon's Fate" -- Within Temptation; The Unforgiving

January 25, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; The Cold (Never) Bothered Me Anyway -

The Dasaka bit her lip with a soft blush on her cheeks, not having noticed she'd been shivering this entire time. Half the time she rarely noticed physical discomfort for herself when her mind was elsewhere, thinking of other things, so when she was made aware she could only say "oh."

"Uh, thanks," She replied after a moment, pushing herself back from the guard railing so she could stand up, hands holding down the hem of her dress once again. "Again I... I-I wanted to say, I really appreciated... you talking with me. It felt nice, at least, and... I mean, if you need a favor or want to talk again on your own accord, I mean... f-feel free to ask me if, if you'd want." Vwynolyn wasn't too sure how that sounded, more as she wasn't entirely sure if Zafin liked her better for the conversation they had, but she felt like she could hope that maybe someone on the ship didn't have her on their "avoid" list. "B-But yeah, I'm um, g-gonna go to my room a-and stuff, so," awkwardly she gave a small wave, starting to head off, realizing she was much colder than she thought she was and wanting to be somewhere warm for a while.

January 24, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Rambling -

After a moment she looked over to Zafin, biting her lower lip a little bit as she tended to do when nervous or in thought. "Thanks, for those words," Vwynolyn stated softly, "I know others will always have an initial, learned perception of myself. It's why I asked, at dinner, if at first glance I appeared as a woman. I don't know if I was told the truth, or told what I wanted to hear, but... if I look as such outwardly, to where people would think that initially, it would take a load off my own shoulders. Not just with feeling comfortable existing in public space, wearing the clothes I want and... everything. People wouldn't ask me those... questions, immediately at least. People might be more inclined to talk to me equitably. Kinda... get to learn I'm a person first, and maybe it'd make it easier for some to... accept how I wish to be when they realize I'm just a Dasaka under it all. A person who doesn't mean to cause any harm, or any problems, who just... wants to live... happily, comfortably maybe. Maybe even one day find someone. That's sort of the goal I have, I suppose. Not the 'finding someone' part necessarily, but the 'happy and comfortable' part." She sighed a bit, appearing a bit sheepish all of a sudden.

"Sorry I... I keep rambling like that. It's nice to talk to someone, is all. Rather than sorta just lying in bed talking to myself to try and... figure things out, I guess." Her hand rubbed the back of her neck again, feeling as if she might be annoying Zafin whenever she kept talking, as a part of the Fursic daughter seemed to think that Zafin likely lacked the enjoyment from the conversation Vwyn felt.

January 24, 2017

IC:

- Vwynolyn; Philosophy -

Quietly she nodded to Zafin's first statement, knowing that the onus was on herself for a lot of the overall work she had to do in order to find a place amongst people who would otherwise prefer to keep her at more than arm's length. As for virtues, Vwyn found herself looking up towards the dark sky, eyes looking at the distant stars. It took her a few moments to think them through, comparing and contrasting her own actions, thoughts, beliefs against each one. Order was out almost immediately, and Honor a close second.

"Probably Power. To make myself better, stronger, to make myself useful in some manner. It's more... centric around the self, and the others... almost feel like they can't apply to me. But I don't want to get stronger to just... cause problems or anything. I want to, so I can help. I want to strengthen my mind so I don't fall into so many pitfalls of anger, depression, or... anything else. So I can make better decisions and work through things before impulsively doing things. I don't want to be a liability, but I also don't have a place. And I feel I'd maybe, perhaps, be able to find a place through bettering myself. A place I'd be happy with, passionate about. A place I could be where... I don't feel like it's... settling, or feel like it's... fake, or I don't deserve it." She rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke, not having talked much of how the virtues themselves applied to her, or how she felt they did.

"One day, I'd like it if I could say I can abide by Honor. To do well by others, to bring honor to... whomever I'd be serving at that point. Granted, I doubt I'll ever have a second chance with my own clan... not that they're terribly liked in general, but... y'know, kinda where I was born. And I want to say... I want to say that, that maybe I won't always be considered the 'antithesis' of Order. It feels... bad, to be called that. But I can't argue with the assessment." She paused, biting her lip a moment before she leaned back slightly, letting some tension drop from her.

"I know I'm an 'other'. I'm separate from everyone else, I'm the unluckiest in that somehow I managed to be born as... as... as a son, when I feel intrinsically like that's not right. Like I'm some weird accident, like the wrong soul found the wrong body, or that I was a mistake. Then I think about a lot of things. I should've died well over five times by now, but somehow I never did. Close, I'll admit. Sometimes it feels like maybe there's something about... me, this whole... ordeal that's consumed my life, that's for some reason worth keeping around by whatever celestial beings want me around." Vwynolyn didn't want to directly refer to the Goddess there, preferring to keep it a little more vague-ish than that as she did not quite wish to spark a religious debate. "If I was an accident, a mistake, something inherently wrong... I feel as if, all those times I pretty much cheated death, I would not have. Fate wouldn't allow it." A part of her felt maybe it was a little presumptuous on her part to make such assertions and state such thoughts on the intentions of beings beyond her own comprehension, but it felt like it made sense to her. At least insofar as her surviving for so long, and getting this far with odds that likely shouldn't be within the realm of possibility.

"Sorry, that's... all probably silly. It helps to look at it that way, sometimes. Makes me feel a little better, if nothing else." Another heavy sigh came from her, her cheeks a little red.

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