Xander004

Congratulations Greg.

Wow, I didn't see that coming. Good luck to all the finalists.

The ending makes sense. That's all that matters. Good job.

I don't think I'll do the epilogue after that. It might ruin things. Nor do I have the time to do it either. I don't know. We'll see.

Good work team, all around. Maybe we could do this again sometime. I'm just happy we didn't over plan anything.

Again, a big thank you to all of you.

I do have ideas for an epilogue, if that's anything.

Well, gentlemen, I just have to say it's been a privilege and an honor working with all of you. And no matter the outcome, I'm happy and proud of the work we've done together. I couldn't have asked for a better team.

Thank you.

I don't know, I was thinking maybe an orb that gave you the power of illusions or something.

I don't really like either ideas, so I put up mine for discussion.

Sorry I'm so indecisive. Ugh

I'd kind of like to finish it if I can. School's coming up and stuff, so yeah...

We'll see, I guess.

Nice chapter Xander! Hmmm...I must now make up a decent last battle and explain the treasure...it's a shame the story's almost over though, I was hoping it could drag on awhile after the conteset ended...maybe some complications could extend the story, or after they get the treasure something else could occur?

 

~BC~

Nah, that would ruin the point, I feel. Still, good luck and don't ruin it. lol

Well, the next chapter is up. Enjoy.

Quick, I need a list of the traits that have been used in order to write the next chapter. Please? I got ideas, I just need to know what I can't use.

Just edit out the End! at the end there because people might think that's it. Other then that, it was pretty good.

Well, my chapter is up. Enjoy!

So what do you think?

Have you guys ever heard of Daunte's Inferno? Cause I was thinking we could do something similar with the seven circles of the under world. There would be seven different lakes (the circles) each with their own guardian. Surel and Kirbold would have to follow the wolves in order to get out.

 

See where I'm going with this. The first thing with Tuma was the "door man," the rodent swarm was the guardian of the first lake, and so on. The batera were just following Surel and Kirbold because of their weapons and what not.

 

What do you think?

That is genius. Though why would anything in **** heal you? Maybe a person trying to save them? Like... the battera, who had wrong programming and aren't trying to kill them but protect them?

 

Also, don't make the rodents a focal point of the story. I had them in as a way to drive Surel from the caves. Also, how about the thing that chased Kirbold is a portmanteau of Satan, driving them into the caverns? Of course, there can't actually be any religious content, but more like a ruler of those caverns. And obviously the ruler wouldn't be frozen in that ice.

1) Maybe the healing thing was sort of a "gift," in order to give them a chance at full strength. Or maybe it just loves messing with people.

2) Let's stick with the battera killing them thing. And who knows, maybe they aren't that far down, or the guardians already took care of them.

3) Rodents aren't a focal point, just one of the guardians.

4) I think the thing chasing Kirbold should be the entrance guardian furthering their number of possible victims.

5) This won't have any religious aspects. I think it should be about how Surel outwits all of the obstacles in his way to protect his pack (Kirbold included).

Have you guys ever heard of Daunte's Inferno? Cause I was thinking we could do something similar with the seven circles of the under world. There would be seven different lakes (the circles) each with their own guardian. Surel and Kirbold would have to follow the wolves in order to get out.

See where I'm going with this. The first thing with Tuma was the "door man," the rodent swarm was the guardian of the first lake, and so on. The batera were just following Surel and Kirbold because of their weapons and what not.

What do you think?

Oh snap, it's my turn. Time for explanations and plot twists. Woot!

Could it be stress? It's the cause of a lot of problems for so many people.

I'm not quite sure what to say. Hrmm

Well, I was thinking, since baterra can't shape-shift into beings, that the first one, "Tuma," wasn't actually a baterra. What if it was something else? What if it was one of the guardians of the spring?

The others in chapter 2 were baterra, but the one of Tuma was something else. What do you think?

I liked it, but two problems:

1) A bit graphic. Stabbings, cuttings, and blood. Not sure if that's such a good idea (nor really possible with blood, but it is a fanfic; still not good).

2) Baterra taking identities. Not sure if that's possible, but, again, this is a fanfic, so this one doesn't really count. Just thought I'd say something about it.

Other then that, really good so far.

So, story, yeah?

Are we going with Surel, Makuta, or Tamaru?

I'm still not sure.

Who?

Well, I guess you can't say I didn't try, right?

Oh well, I guess I better move this to review topic, or something, eventually...

Sweet! I got a mention. What wull the guard do with the information that Velox had wnted to see me? Hmmm, oh curses, I don't want my character to get executed. Please have me run the boarder or something.

There were also a few typos I noticied:

The drive crumpled to the ground out cold.

I think it should be driver

Why the Karzahni am I doing this?]

Why the Karzahni am I doing this?

There was also a quotation missing missing a quote, but I can't find it.

Other then that, good job and good luck in the contest.

How about the characters of my latest epic, The Toa with Black-eyes, bcause I'm really bad at art/drawing/computer garphics and I'd like to see what people imagine them as. (Pretty selfish, I know, but I figured I'd try.)

Names

Qataza

Etraw

Rahnduhm

Watzix

Naimsis

Guest Writing

I'd love to do this.

On the suggestion side, I would suggest applications of previous writings and a short blurt of writing. I'm not sure how else to do it. Maybe polls? No, too much of a popularity contest with that route.

Judging, of course, but how, I don't know, I've never judged.

Then a sliver of light- small, then larger by the second.

Just a grammar issue. It should be than. Also, great chapter.

"With great power, comes great responsibility."