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The Lonely 2am wheRe do i bEgin? crYing oFf my faCe aGain The silenT soUnd of loneLiness waNts to fOllow me To beD We were family, doubtless. We fought side by side like ten legions together.We laughed in the face of danger. We patrolled the city in sheeting rain, but we didn’t mind, because we had each other. We were there for one another no matter what. We were family. i'm a Ghost oF a giRl tHat i waNt tO bE mOst i'M the shEll oF a girL thAt i uSed to knoW well And our family was perfect. Of course there were spatterings of disagreement here and there to keep us on our toes, debates that got a bit too heated once in a while, et cetera. But that’s how relationships work. You have to make them work. We were the ideal team. When personal shortcomings caused one of us to falter, another one of us was always there to lend aid. We could practically communicate without speaking. We could recognize each other by the pattern of our footfalls. daNcing sloWly in aN emPty roOm Can the loneLy taKe the plaCe of yOu I siNg mySelf a qUieT lulLaby leT yoU go aNd leT the lOnely iN to tAke my hearT again As time wore on, our family grew more and more flawless. At least that’s what anyone else would say. There was one thing wrong with us. And that one thing was so perfectly wrong that nobody saw it until it was too late. That one thing that went unchecked and strengthened in secret went on to tear the team apart from the inside out. Nobody was the same again. too aFraid to gO insiDe foR tHe paiN of onE moRe loveLess nigHt fOr the lonEliness will sTay with mE anD hold Me till i fAll asleep That one thing was me. I'm the ghOst of A girL thAt i wanT to be moSt i'm the shEll of a giRL thaT i uSed to kNow well In short, when I fell, they tore me away from my broken family, locked me away and tortured me. Not the physically painful kind of torture, I believe that was below my captors, but solitary confinement; solitary confinement, long arduous interrogations, and quality time alone with me, myself and I. However much the ache in my heart told me otherwise, I did not miss my team or civilization. I did not miss it. Did not. DancinG sLowly in an eMpty roOm caN the loneLy taKe the plAce of yoU i siNg mysElf a QuiEt lUllaby leT you gO and let the loNely in tO takE my heArt again During my time with myself, I liked to laugh. I laughed aloud, in my head, in my heart, and it echoed long for all to hear. What did I care if they heard? They weren't even there. Besides, laughing is good. But when you look back on your past and realize how horribly weak and flippantly silly you were, you can’t help but chuckle a bit. I remember myself. I was young and foolish, with visions of becoming a hero. At some point, some would even say that I had been one. When I was introduced to my team, my family, I was swept away with all their ‘unity, duty, destiny’ jabber. I was taken by their delusional vision of protecting the prosperity. broKen pieCes oF a baRely breAthiNg stOry whEre theRe once waS loVe noW therE's onLy me aNd the loNeLy But most of all, I was enchanted by the team’s leader, a brave, dashing and charming character. I hung on his every word. He commanded my total admiration. I was infatuated and we both knew it. But year after year dragged on and neither of us acted on this. I couldn’t do anything about this, but he played the part of deliberate dismissal of this matter. When I came to terms with this, I sobered up. Looking back, when I realized this, I also realized I wasn’t captivated by him as much as I was by the power and authority he radiated. It became clear, then, that I sought supremacy and control, and I had been seeking it in all the wrong places. Why aspire to be and work at becoming a hero when have the means to become a queen overnight? danCing sloWly in an emPty rooM cAn the lonely tAke the pLace of yOu i siNg myselF a quiEt lullaBy leT you go anD let thE loneLy in to taKe mY heaRt aGain The only problem is that 'overnight' turned out to be longer than I expected. Painstakingly careful plans turned to eager and hasty actions which led to sloppy results and ended in imprisonment. But nothing can stand in the way of true inspirations and genius. Setbacks are a part of life. That which doesn’t kill can only strengthen. When I return, which I will, my name will be go down next to those of the Great Spirit, Arthaka, and Karzahni, Tren Krom and other legends of our time. Toa Tuyet. --- Disclaimer: Lyrics to the song 'The Lonely' belong to Christina Perri.
