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The Irrational Rock, clad in a pink tutu and sombrero paced back and forth on his front lawn. “A horrible feeling...boredom. No matter what I do, nothing can solve it. I’ve tried abducting the entire BZPower moderation team, I’ve tried resurrecting all of the banned members from the dead, I’ve tried inventing a new form of adspam, I’ve tried making a DVD to teach young kids how to do basic karate, I’ve even tried dressing up in this here formal attire to try to ask Greg Farshtey out on a date. And still I am somehow bored.” He sat down and an idea came to him. “Hm...I like watching people fight. Especially if they’re wearing nightgowns and baseball caps. Maybe…oh, maybe...yes, I feel a splendid idea emerging…” He then turned around and ran into his house. From there he donned a black robe and a copy of ‘Evil Magic for Dummies’. Once he was in his basement, he flipped to a page marked by a big green bookmark. “Ah, yes…*ahem*, hoo haa hoo haa hoo haa...Santo Rita Mita, Meada Ringo Jonah, Tito Marlon Jack, La Toya Janet Michael, Dumbledora the Explorer from the depths of Karzahni, I SUMMON THEE!” An enormous chasm randomly ripped open and he was sent plummeting into it. Exactly three hours and a second later, he landed on a gigantic trampoline that conveniently didn’t kill him from the impact. When he stood up, he beheld a majestic sight around him. Enormous stretches of grassland were laid out before him, with large cucumbers sprouting out of the ground where there would normally be trees. The Irrational Rock heard the sound of wheels behind him. When he turned around, he saw a life sized version of the Bionicle named Umbra. “Duuuuuuude, that’s pretty sick-nasty on in the south side Chicago, if yah know what I mean,” he said. The Irrational Rock was somewhat stunned by this peculiar sight. “Are you Umbra? Because you look like him, aside the fact that he is an inanimate toy that’s only a few inches tall.” “Dude...I am Umbra. But what if...we’re all Umbra?” “I’m The Irrational Rock. I’m also known as TIR or Irrie, depending on who you ask.” “Oh, you’re that Ko-Matoran, right?” “Hardly! I am a Toa of Earth!” “What? Last time I checked, Ehrye was a Ko-Matoran.” “I said Irrie, not Ehrye.” “Duuuuuude...what if...you’re Ehyre...but in disguse...woah man.” “I can assure you there isn’t a drop of Ko-Matoran blood in me.” “So you’re like...emo?” “What? No.” “Then how do you know there isn’t any Ko-Matoran blood in you if you don’t regularly cut yourself?” “That’s...I...nevermind. So what is this place?” “This is Cucumberland.” “Why did a chasm in my basement that lead to a three hour drop into Cucumberland?” “I dunno man...sounds pretty geometric if you know what I’m feeling.” “You’re a very odd person, Umbra.” “Bruuuuuuuh.” “I seem to remember you being cold and robotic in the story.” “What story?” “You know, the Bionicle story.” “Oh yeah, that story. Tolkien wrote that, right dude?” “Well, partially.” “Duuuude, that’s so radcore. Makes me want to become soil erosion.” “I’m sorry, what?” “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.” “What?” “What if...twenty-seven?” “Why?” “Your mom.” “Okay then.” “So now what, my homie?” “Well, seeing that I’m now stuck in Cucumberland forever, show me where everything is.” “Alright...dude…that right there...that’s grass. And that up there...that’s the sky. And those over there...those are cucumbers.” “No, I mean the landmarks. Where can I get some food?” “Oh, well the food is over here.” Umbra then proceeded to transform into a beam of light, and he sped away in one seemingly random direction. Little did Umbra know, Irrie did not have the same abilities that he did. “Great, now I’m without a guide and hungry simultaneously. Falling for three hours can really take a lot out of you.” He then proceeded to walk in the direction that Umbra sped off in. All was quiet for about fifteen minutes before he felt the ground shaking. Then, the land before him exploded in a gigantic cloud of dirt. “Mama Luigi! What was that?” As he ran to investigate, he saw a figure emerge from the dust. “No...it can’t be…” To be continued...
