Zatth Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Link to Epic Hey, y'all! Thanks for taking a look at my first Epic since 2007! (I know, I'm equally shocked). Any comments, criticism, and otherwise thoughts on it will be extremely appreciated! And again, thanks for taking time to read it. Hopefully it's half decent 1 Quote
Akavakaku Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Excellent story! I'm enthusiastic to see where it leads. Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 Chapter 2 is out! Again, more of the actual journey, though this hopefully starts setting up the following chapters. And yes, the next chapter should contain some more action! Any comments, criticism, and otherwise thoughts on it will be extremely appreciated! And again, thanks for taking time to read it. Quote
fishers64 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I caught on to this epic for whatever reason (Maybe it was the blogs. ). Anyway, I'm starting to like it. You've got a good character dynamic going with Ajura and Orde and a taste of mystery. Except that I know that Valmai is a volcano on Voya Nui and Mangaia is Makuta's lair near Mata Nui. The answer to the mystery would feel obvious from that information, but I can't quite put my finger on it just yet. My intuition screams Teridax, but then again it screamed Teridax for the whole of Bionicle. XP Either that, or the information Teridax got from Tren Krom, but that's probably just because the Tren Krom peninsula is involved. Anyway, looks good, looking forward to more. Quote Hero Factory RPG | Bionicle Mafia XXIX: Storyline & Theories
Zatth Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 I caught on to this epic for whatever reason (Maybe it was the blogs. ). Anyway, I'm starting to like it. You've got a good character dynamic going with Ajura and Orde and a taste of mystery. Except that I know that Valmai is a volcano on Voya Nui and Mangaia is Makuta's lair near Mata Nui. The answer to the mystery would feel obvious from that information, but I can't quite put my finger on it just yet. My intuition screams Teridax, but then again it screamed Teridax for the whole of Bionicle. XP Either that, or the information Teridax got from Tren Krom, but that's probably just because the Tren Krom peninsula is involved. Anyway, looks good, looking forward to more. Thanks! I'm glad to hear the Ajura/Orde thing, since my biggest thing I'm working on is character development and creating real people. And on the two words, even though we know what they refer to, this takes the meaning of the word from their archaic meaning... Hopefully that's a good enough clarification that opens up a bunch of more questions Thanks again for reading! Quote
Akavakaku Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Cool continuation; the mysteries deepen. But Psychometry is a mask power used on objects, not a Psionic power used to sense others' thoughts. Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted December 18, 2014 Author Posted December 18, 2014 Cool continuation; the mysteries deepen. But Psychometry is a mask power used on objects, not a Psionic power used to sense others' thoughts. Welp, that's what happens when you finish off the chapter at 2 a.m Thanks for catching that mistake, it's now fixed! Quote
Zatth Posted December 22, 2014 Author Posted December 22, 2014 New chapter is up! There's more action going around this time, so hopefully it's a nice change of pace. Quote
Zatth Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) New chapter is up! Here we see two new figures that hopefully make things a wee bit more interesting. Comments? Concerns? All are welcome! Edited December 26, 2014 by Zatth Quote
Zatth Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) New chapter is up!I tried to get this one done because the next few weeks are going to be very busy for me. Nonetheless, I'll do my best to have a new chapter up as soon as possible. Enjoy! Edited January 4, 2015 by Zatth Quote
Akavakaku Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 I love how it's turning out! But weren't Kanoka invented long after the Barraki's reign? Perhaps you could change mentions of Kanoka launchers to generic "disk launchers." Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 I love how it's turning out! But weren't Kanoka invented long after the Barraki's reign? Perhaps you could change mentions of Kanoka launchers to generic "disk launchers." Thanks for catching that, and for the suggestion! Certainly made the next chapter more coherent. Speaking of, next chapter is up! Quote
Akavakaku Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Another nice one, if a little brief. Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 Two months later, there's a new update!Apologies for the lack of activity, but real life got in the way (it tends to do that, I've noticed )Any comments are appreciated! Quote
Akavakaku Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I have no idea what those green things could be; this is a really interesting development!(Just pointing out, I don't think you intended Ajura to thank "Mat Nui." Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted March 31, 2015 Author Posted March 31, 2015 I have no idea what those green things could be; this is a really interesting development!(Just pointing out, I don't think you intended Ajura to thank "Mat Nui." Ah, thanks for catching that! I would blame it on autocorrect, but I'm sure it was my deeply-rooted obsession with tapestries Quote
Zatth Posted April 19, 2015 Author Posted April 19, 2015 Aaaaaand, new chapter is up! A bit of a change of pace in terms of previous chapters, but hopefully it's a good one! Any comments are appreciated! Quote
Akavakaku Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I really liked the depth you went into describing the healing process... and these mysterious enemies are getting creepier and creepier. Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Ok, new chapter is (finally) up (again)!I'm hoping the lash chapter will indeed be out just by next week! And again, apologies for the lateness, I just got into another creative writing project and ended up devoting the entirety of the past month to it. As before, any and all comments are appreciated! Quote
Zatth Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 And so, the last chapter is up.I hope I finished Ajura and Orde's story up nicely. If you have any comments on the whole series, characters, locations, anything, they are very much welcome! I think I have some ideas on how to return to the Epics forum very soon, and will be glad to have any and all comments to keep improving in telling the stories I love and that I hope you all enjoyed as well! Quote
Akavakaku Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Wow... Not the ending I expected, but a good one. An easy victory, physically, but not so much morally. But what happens now, and will we learn the answers to some of the many questions brought up here? Will there be a sequel? Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins
Zatth Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Wow... Not the ending I expected, but a good one. An easy victory, physically, but not so much morally. But what happens now, and will we learn the answers to some of the many questions brought up here? Will there be a sequel?Yep, a sequel is in the works! Probably will come out in a few months, but I've already got some ideas on what to do for it. Glad to know the ending went well, I was kinda scared that focusing more on the morality side of it would detract from the overall "victory". Quote
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