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This is a project I cooked up one long night at work. I don't expect everyone will understand all the references, but if you are the kind of nerd that I am, the type that reads/watches every available bit of materal related to bionicle, you might get a few good laughs out of this bit of satire. Please enjoy.


Bionicle: Historical Fiction

The great stone slab wobbled slightly, then stabilized. Which, considering it was 20 feet tall and ten wide, was a remarkable feat. Muffled curses came from under the polished black slab, though all that could be seen were the long white legs of a toa of ice. To all appearances, the slab had fallen, and crushed this unfortunate toa, but the truth was far different. The toa’s legs twitched in sympathy with his upper body, as he worked to fix over a dozen last minute problems that the engineers should have fixed before the thing was shipped here from New Takoro-Metru. Finally, with a cry of triumph, the Toa of Ice pulled himself out from under the great black monolith, and kicked away the supports on either side just in time for the onboard Miru system to kick in.
    The slab floated evenly above the floor, and the surface came to life with glyphs, both in Matoran, and Agori. The toa of Ice, Kithran, simply took the whole display in with a grand smile on his face. His greatest contribution to the remembrance of history was now completed, and on display for all of Spherus Magna to see.
    History was a subject near and dear to Kithran. Since his creation as an Ico-matoran, he had had an obsession with history. This was far from unusual, as Spherans of ice has long been fascinated with the observation and analysis of history, for therein could be gleaned limitless knowledge. This often brought them into disagreement with the Spherans of earth, engineers who always built with their attention focused on the far future. They were always studying to make sure their inventions and constructions left room for future expansion, and could remain relevant through the years, and to predict what would be best to build with respect to the trends of today that shape the world of tomorrow. But Kithran was unusually obsessed, and soon had out-studied scholars in the Crystal Knowledge Towers of his homeland of New Iconox, vast digital repositories of history. It wasn’t long before the Turaga of New Iconox awarded him a toa stone. His rebirth as a Toa of Ice sealed the deal, and allowed him to be named the Chronicler of Ice.
    Since then, he had wandered throughout the metropolis of Atero Nui, and as far as Bota Magna and Aqua Magna. He had occasionally met other Chroniclers, and had found that he got along well with the Chronicler of Earth, surprisingly. He had shared with Kithran a theory that matoran of earth had, at one time in the distant past, been focused on the archival of history, and the matoran of ice focused on discerning the future. Despite the obvious absurdness of this theory, Kithran found the idea interesting, and had spent some spare time researching the ancient times. His research had been stalled for years, as he had taken upon himself the task of creating a comprehensive Wall of History for display in new Kokoro-Metru. It would serve as a quick reference for all who came to see, as its text could be translated into both new and old matoran, and all agori dialects, and covered all famous past events. He was especially proud of his detailing of the events around the awakening of the Great Spirit, and the reforming of Spherus Magna as it happened 500,000 years ago.
    In the time that Kithran had been standing there, several Spheran’s had approached to use the Wall, and he took not a little pride in how well his interface worked. He was sure that any modern Spheran, be they matoran, agori, skrall, vortixx, or even skakdi, would be able to find what they were looking for.
    “Excuse me, brother,” Kithran turned at the voice, and found a rather old looking Toa of Fire standing behind him. “I should like to search for some old battles on your wall, but modern technology is such a mystery to me. Could I persuade you to help an old Toa?’
    Kithran hid his annoyance at the toa of fire well, as he stepped into line for the access terminal. The toa continued “Besides, I like old stories better when they are told to you, not written in a slab like a cold, sullen epitaph. If it would be easier, if you know your history well enough, maybe you can just tell me what I want to know.”
    Kithran actually smiled at this. Like all ice matoran, he enjoyed sharing stories of the past. When his turn for the monolith came, he accessed the image archive, preparing his visual references.
    “What would you like to know? I can go as far back as the founding of ancient Spherus Magna society, the Core War, the creation of the Great Spirit, the seven legendary toa, the search for-”
    “legendary toa?” The toa of fire interrupted. “I would like to know more about them, if you please. And don’t spare the details, I’ve been away from society for a very long time now.”
    For once in his life, Kithran didn’t mind being interrupted. The seven legendary toa was a favorite subject of his, and was one of the most well studied subjects in the archives of Atero Nui. And so he began his story.
    “The seven legendary toa were a team of toa who were created to safeguard the life of the Great Spirit. They were Tohu, toa of fire, Kopeke, toa of ice, Lewa” here, he pronounced the name as LOO-wah, “toa of air, Onewa, toa of earth, Gaaki, toa of water, Puhota, toa of stone, and Takua Nuva, toa of light.”
    Kithran found it necessary to stop here, as the stranger was giving him a most unreadable look. Before he could ask what was wrong, a passerby remarked “Call me crazy, but all the historical recordings I’ve ever heard pronounce the legendary toa of air’s name as LEE-wah.”
    Kithran replied “That’s true, most do. But I’ve come across some obscure material that clearly pronounce his name LOO-wah, and I’m working on a theory that this is in fact the correct pronunciation.”
    The stranger chose this time to interject “I’ve always heard it pronounced LAY-wah.”
    Kithran and the passerby turned to stare at the strange toa for a long moment, then Kithran leaned in close, and said in a half-whisper “No offense intended, brother, but that name just sounds absurd. Besides, how can one toa of air have three ways to pronounce his name?”
    The stranger shrugged. “You were about to recount their adventures?”
    With an exclamation, Kithran leapt back to the monolith, and scrolled to just the right spot. Turning back to face his one-toa audience, he began.
    “There are very few known facts about the origin of the seven legendary toa. What little there is suggests these Toa were created from the essence of their respective elements. They were born as Toa, with no memory of who they were, or their purpose. Some scholars firmly believe someone, probably Toa Halix of the Order of Mata Nui, kidnapped six matoran, wiped their memories, and transformed them into toa, but the evidence for this is only circumstantial.
    “Anyway, during the early construction of Mata Nui’s robot avatar, the toa battled primordial forces across the universe. At some point, they ended up in the core of the avatar, and became… trapped there. They somehow ended up entombed in six silver canisters, and entered a death-like sleep for thousands of years. In the meantime, life within Mata Nui’s avatar moved on.
    Near the end of Mata Nui’s arduous task, a great evil struck at him. The ancient scrolls say, rather enigmatically, that after a mighty struggle, the evil Mukau cast a spell which made Mata Nui sink into an endless sleep. With his control gone, his avatar crashed into the ocean of Bota Magna. But, using the last of his control, Mata Nui was able to create a safe haven, a floating island anchored by a tunnel to the robots face. Six toa, the Toa Metro, brought the inhabitants of the island city of Metro Nui to this island. In memory of their home, they named this new island Metro Nui, as well. But the Mukau’s evil had taken a toll on these matoran. Soon, their bodies withered, their skills diminished, and they even forgot who they had been, calling themselves, for a time, Tohunga. I know, I know,” Kithran tried to wave away the question he saw his listener about to ask, “it seems like I’ve completely changed topics, but this is relevant, trust me.”
    “No, no, it’s not that,” The toa said. “Are you certain someone didn’t just misinterpret the word ‘turaga’ as ‘tohunga’? Because that seems much more likely.”
    “I actually get that a lot, but there does seem to have been a brief period of time in these particular matoran’s lives when they thought of themselves as “Tohunga”. It’s odd, I know, but the reference is there if you know where to look. This was the situation when the legendary toa arrived. The Great Spirit, with what power he had left, pulled them from the core, and dropped them from the sky into the ocean around the island.
    “Now, I should mention that, up to this point, there were only six legendary toa. The seventh, Takua Nuva, had not come into being yet. In fact, he, as a matoran, was the one who summoned the six toa to the island of Metro Nui. How is not very clear. The most prevalent explanation is also the most absurd: that by bringing six toa stones together, they somehow merged energies to somehow generate a beacon of some kind that somehow drew the tombs to the island. Seriously, toa stones just don’t do that, it flies in the face of all established science of their properties. It’s like suggesting a great Kanohi can turn a matoran into a Toa simply by putting it on.
    “Regardless, the toa were expelled upon the beaches of this mysterious island with only fragmented memories of who they were before. So confused were their memories that they immediately set out attacking the island’s wildlife. However, they were eventually set on the right track by the turaga of the six villages, incidentally the six former Toa Metro. These turaga set them looking for great kanohi that were scattered across the island. With these collected, the toa made their way to the Great Temple in the center of the island. There, they exchanged their collection of kanohi for six golden masks, the origins of which are shrouded in mystery. From there, they descended into the depths of the Mukau’s lair, the great Mangaiaiaia, and fought off an infestation of Keras crabs, before coming face to face with the master of shadows himself. I should note that historical texts of the time mark this as the first mention of when the six legends became seven. Toa Takua Nuva is mentioned as being present during the battle, but of his role in it, there is nothing. We know he was there because he is named as a chronicler by this point, and some of our source material actually comes from him, which makes it all the more strange why his role in the battle is overlooked.”
    The toa shrugged indifferently. “Maybe he was still just a matoran, recording the events of the battle from a safe place.”
    Kithran looked at the toa as though he had just suggested the Mukau should be honored as a great hero. “You must have been out of contact with society for a long time to think that. Since time immemorial, matoran gifted with a spirit of adventure, a love of history, and the call of destiny have become Toa, and been granted the title of Chronicler. A matoran must have devoted themselves to a life of study, journey, and learning before they became a Toa, and only after becoming a Toa do they truly earn the title of Chronicler. We then wander the world, seeking to record the events of our time. Sometimes we wander alone, sometimes we join Mangaii teams, fighting alongside Toa and Glatorian and chronicling their adventures. This is the way it was with the Chroniclers Takua Nuva and Hali, and this is the way it has continued for over 500,000 years.”
    “But isn’t it possible there was a time when matoran were Chroniclers, whether or not they were destined to become Toa? What about Kodan and Kopeke?’
    “History says Kodan died with many of his fellow toa at the hands of Shadow Hunters at the gates of Metro Nui. And Kopeke…I honestly don’t know why you mentioned him. Unless you’re saying the legendary toa of ice was a ‘matoran chronicler’ who was kidnapped, brainwashed, and turned into a toa with the rest, and, as I’ve said, that theory does not hold water. There‘s never any mention in the ancient histories of him even being a Chronicler.”
    The toa put up his hands in mock surrender, and motioned for Kithran to move on. Kithran found himself hoping this Toa was not a sign of things to come. He didn’t think society could survive with such ignorance of history.
    “Anyway, the Toa successfully defeated the Mukau, but their troubles were not over. Swarms of hostile, beetle-like machines called Bahrag were unleashed upon the island. Led by the fearsome Bahrag-Kal, they were an almost unstoppable force. Still, the legendary toa fought on, eventually defeating the six leaders of the swarms. In the final confrontation, they were transformed, and became the even more powerful Toa Nova. This came with a price, however, as their increased power became tied to six mysterious symbols of unknown origin. If these symbols were ever stolen, the toa would lose their elemental power. Some sources hint that the symbols were stolen. There is speculation that the six leaders of the swarm survived, and attempted to revive the swarms with the symbols, before being defeated once and for all. Perhaps that is what the symbols were intended for, as there are also writings of a stone cube meant to receive the symbols, though its purpose, even its existence and origin, are unknown.”
    Once more, the toa spoke up. “I read once that Artahka made the symbols and the cube. Is that not true?’
    “There are sources that say as much, but I hope not. You see, such sources would have us believe that every mysterious and powerful artifact in the old Matoran Universe was made by Artahka. Kanohi Nova? Made by Artahka. Mask of Light? Made by Artahka. Nova symbols and cube? Made by Artahka. Great Disks? Made by Artahka. To have this one being conveniently make all these things simply kills so much of the mystery and wonder of our past. I remember history buffs complaining when we discovered the long-lost name of The Shadowed One. They said it made him less intimidating as a villain, less mysterious and such. I don’t necessarily agree, as The Shadowed One takes a bit of breath to say, but I understand their argument, as it’s similar to what I feel about Artahka being the creator of everything of import in the entire universe.
    “But, to move forward, the Toa Nova next faced a more powerful threat: the Pirahkshi: a gang of six vicious, brutal monstrosities born from the essence of the Mukau, himself. This is a point where historical references become…conflicting. It seems that the Pirahkshi were attempting to capture the Mask of Light, Takua Nuva’s kanohi. Ultimately, the seven legendary toa defeated these brutes. This much is certain, but other texts claim that Takua Nuva and Jala, who would one day become the leader of the six Toa Ignika, were given the Mask of Light, and sent on a quest to find the Toa to whom it belonged. Still others say that Takua Nuva was still a matoran, and at the climax of their quest, he became a Toa. This is probably just a misinterpretation by a later scholar.
    “But however it happened, Takua Nuva descended into Mangaiaiaia, and battled the Mukau in single combat.” Kithran sighed heavily. “Unfortunately, the details of this battle appear to have mostly been lost. The only surviving account, and a most fantastical one at that, says they participated in a…kohlii match. It-it’s an ancient game, and the precursor to modern day Akohliini. Not only does a two-person Kohlii match not make sense, it doesn’t add up that the greatest evil of the time would neglect to use his awesome powers in battle. On the other hand, if this single report is accurate…” Kithran shook his head slowly. “Imagine: the ultimate battle between the avatars of Light and Shadow played out as a simple game of Kohlii.”
    The old Toa nodded, reluctantly, in agreement. “I agree, it does seem…odd.”
    “’Odd’?” Kithran said, perplexed. “It’s absurd. What kind of sick joke-”
    “Maybe,” The toa started, “Maybe it was a ploy. Maybe he had bigger plans, and he needed the Legendary Toa to believe he was dead? And he pretended to loose the kohlii game, and become fused with Takua Nuva, allowing the way to the matoran’s old home to be reopened, before allowing himself to be apparently killed, so that the Toa would not realize he was still a threat.”
    Kithran stood stock still, with an expression on his face somewhere between perplexed and incredulous. The old Toa finally said “It sounded better in my head.”
Kithran nodded slowly. “I’m…sure it did.”
    The toa of fire starred back for a few seconds, then asked “So, what happened next?’
    Kithran altered a few settings on the Wall, and continued “Well, the seven legends led the way back to Metro Nui. The original one. They were greeted by the city’s former leader, Turaga Dumah. Leaving Takua Nuva to guard the city, Tohu led the other five Toa on a series of quests, long ago appointed them, to repair the avatar of the Great Spirit, and prepare for his awakening. While Jala led the Toa Ignika in search of the mask they named themselves after, the Legendary Toa sought the staff of Artahka, and brought it to its owner. As a reward, he gifted them with prototypes of the armor now used by all Mangaii and Hag-ah teams. He then sent them back to the core of the universe, to begin the awakening of Mata Nui’s spirit. Takua Nuva was sent by Toa Halix to join them by means of a primitive, damaged Mask of Dimensional Gates. He was sent from one alternate reality to another, acquiring new, more powerful weapons and the power of flight, but also had his essence corrupted with shadow energy. Eventually, he arrived in the core of the universe, and rejoined his brothers and sister.
    “But, even with all seven of the legends together, awakening the Great Spirit would prove most difficult, for their old enemy, the Mukau, had returned, and mutated into terrifying giant insects and bats, forever on the hunt. What little we understand of the Mukau and his power largely comes from his doppelganger, whose physical evolution seems to have taken an entirely different path. Given the Mukau’s legendary shape shifting abilities, it doesn’t seem so far-fetched the believe that he could have split himself into seven or eight smaller forms.
    “And here, at the place of their most legendary battle, the seven legends became eight: One of the Toa Ignika, Motara, used the Mask of Life to bring the Great Spirit back from death. But to give the Great Spirit life, he had to surrender his own.
    “I digress, I know, but, in my humble opinion, this single act of heroism, selflessness, and honor makes Motara a legendary toa in his own right. Not all with agree with me, but I stand by that statement.”
    Kithran paused, seeing the distant look in the old toa’s eyes. It was as if, for a moment, the toa was somewhere else entirely, perhaps reliving a moment long forgotten to history. A minute or two passed, then the toa shook his head, and motioned for Kithran to continue.
    “After Motara’s use of it, the Mask of Life fell to the bottom of the core of the avatar. In these ancient days, the Mask of Life was both alive and conscious, fully aware with a mind of its own. And it understood Motara’s sacrifice. And to honor him, it formed for itself a body, and became the Eighth Legendary Toa, the Toa of Life. It joined with it’s newfound toa brothers and sisters in battle with the Mukau, in a battle beyond imagining, and drove him back long enough to discover the key to reawakening the Great Spirit. Their toa power, their very essence would have to be used to awaken Mata Nui’s avatar. This should have been the end of the legendary toa, but it was not to be. The Toa of Life chose to follow Motara’s example, and gave up his own life to awaken Mata Nui. This act awakened the energy storms that normally raged within the core, and the seven legends barely escaped. The Mukau, they believed, was not so lucky. Are…are you okay?’
    The toa of fire was starring straight ahead, with an expression of…Kithran was actually at a loss to define it. Finally, the toa refocused on Kithran, and motioned for him to continue.
    “Well, as is well documented in history, the spirit of the Mukau assumed direct control of the avatar by forcing Mata Nui’s spirit into the Ignika, and expelling it from the avatar. Mata Nui’s story after this is well known. Not so well known, however, are the details of the events in the avatar. What chronicles we have are incomplete. On that note, I should say that some of our history of this time does come from writings from Kopeke, though other reports put him at conflicting places throughout the avatar. However, this sort of inconsistency is unfortunately common for this period of our history. Such as the story of the Mukau from another reality, and his matoran companion, Mazda. They appear to have returned/arrived in our reality near the start of the false Great Spirit’s reign, wandered over a hill, fought some Toa of Shadow, and finished the last one just in time for the Mukau’s death several weeks later. For a student of this period of time, this sort of faulty record-keeping is absolutely depressing.
    “Anyway, when the Mukau arrived on Bara Magna, and faced Mata Nui’s new avatar, six of the legendary toa lead the charge, fighting scores of Skrall, Heat-vision Pirahkshi, and Skakdi that, if the ancient depictions are to be believed, all looked like the warrior Nektai. I say six because Lewa was elsewhere, on another adventure entirely, which we know veritably nothing about. As Tohu and Takua Nuva led the charge onto the surface of Bara Magna, the Ignika fashioned golden armor for Tohu. It was meant as a failsafe against any and all potential threats to Mata Nui. And yet only targeted the solid form of the substance of which the Mukau was made. This was extremely fortunate, as that was what Piraskshi were made of. However, the Mukau took notice, and used his own substantial power to transform Tohu, taking from him his Nova power, as well as destroying Takua Nuva’s power lance and sky blaster. Go ahead and ask.”
    As the Toa voiced the question Kithran had seen on his face, there seemed as much weariness in his voice as Kithran now felt. “The Ignika devolved Tohu to make the armor fit, this I know. And Takua Nuva abandoned his weapons long before the final fight.”
    And now Kithran was beyond courteous debate, and cut straight to his point. “One: this is the Mask of Life we’re talking about. Why couldn’t it alter the armor to account for whatever changes Tohu had gone through? That’s what life does, after all: change constantly. And two: the Master of Darkness takes over the world and unleashed countless minions of shadow. So the only Toa of Light in existence ditches a weapon that shoots bolts of concentrated light energy, and a staff that exponentially magnifies his powers. Makes complete sense, why didn’t I think of that?’
    “I didn’t say it was logical.”
    “Then why did you say it?’ Kithran implored. “Why do you keep making the most absurd statements about your own history? If it weren’t for how serious your statements are, I’d assume you were having a laugh at my expense.”
    “I can assure you, I am not making light of you, or history. I understand I’m weighing on your patience, and I am not offended. Finish the story, and I’ll trouble you no more.”
    This seemed like the best offer Kithran had heard all day, and so he continued. “The blast scattered the armor across the battlefield. Tohu, Takua Nuva, and a glatorian named Gresci hunted down the pieces as Toa and Glatorian, Matoran and Agori fought side by side for the first time, while Mata Nui and the Mukau waged war in the clouds above. Finally, all the armor had been found. When Tohu donned it, energies contained within the armor lashed out, and killed all the Pirahkshi. The lose of his army staggered the Mukau, and gave Mata Nui the opportunity to push the avatar into the path of the Bota Magna fragment as it returned to its place on the planet. What happen ed to the Mukau and his avatar is rather muddy. The fragment either clipped the back of his head, or smashed the top of his head, or obliterated his head,a nd all the inhabitants of Metro nui floated gently to the ground on the winds of change. I don’t know. None of the artists of the period depicted the Mukau’s death the same way. How hard is it to draw one simple event consistently?’
    Shaking his head clear of his mood, Kithran composed himself, and continued.
    “This was the last major battle the legendary toa fought in, though that is not to say it was the end of their adventures. The peace with Bota Magna, the war with Marender and his army of Baterra, the Alliance and reintegration of the Vorox, the peace treaty with Branar, Archon of the Skrall; All of these amazing moments of our history, all these triumphs. Not a one would have been possible without the Seven Legendary Toa. It is truly saddening that they are not around to see this glorious period of our history. They disappeared, you see, over four hundred thousand years ago, vanished from this world like the Great Spirit. Perhaps they felt the same as he did, that our civilization had no more need of them.”
    Kithran had turned to look at the sunset, and therefore missed the enigmatic look that played across the old Toa of Fire’s face.
    “We’ve come a long way since then. We’ve conquered this planet, and set our sights on the light of distant stars. But it is my fervent hope that, no matter how far we go, we will always remember those ancient heroes. And wherever their bodies now lie, I hope they rest easy, knowing the future they helped build is still in good hands, and that their history is well remembered.”
    The old Toa nodded once, then silently turned, and began to walk away.
    Kithran, oblivious, continued, “Still, we shouldn’t completely follow their example, considering the first thing they did after landing on Metro Nui was set about harassing any wildlife they could find. Terrible example to give the next generation.”
    The Toa of Fire stopped dead in his tracks, and slowly turned around, giving Kithran a hard stare. Finally he said, “Well, I’ve heard all I need to. A few small errors of translation, I can understand, and the main points of the story are fairly accurate. Yet I shudder to think what a few more millenia of you “historians” picking this story apart will turn it into. The historians from my day, and they were Onu-matoran, knew how to record history. But since they’re not around, I suppose it’s time for us to return, and set the record straight, and hope it sticks this time.”
    With that, the Toa turned on his heels and marched away. Kithran starred after him, completely perplexed by what this old Toa had said. It couldn‘t be true, but…what if this Toa hadn‘t been completely ignorant of history? What if he knew more than Kithran because he had heard the story from someone far older? Or maybe…?
    The old Toa of Fire with his gold-accented armor continued his march to the horizon, stopping only long enough to yell over his shoulder, “And to start things off, it‘s not Tohu, that name sounds absurd. My name is pronounced Tahu! T-A-H-U!’

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"Life is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think," Unknown

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