Review: Miyaka The Blazing Wind

[ShadowBionics]

Story topic here: http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/27623-miyaka-the-blazing-wind/

 

 

So I'm going to try and give the episodic literature format another go. Hopefully I don't end up making it so dark I end up not finishing it on here. Anyways, in one of the short stories from Struggle of the Gods (an epic I started here, trashed, and continued elsewhere), there's a throwaway line in there about the League of Six Kingdoms and the warlords behind it. We get to see them (and before you ask, yes, they are the Barraki reimagined) for a short while, but we don't get to know much about them or how the conflict even ended or what it was even about.

 

So taking a page from George Lucas, I'm going to try and make a definitive story about the entire conflict and its resolution. I don't know how long this one is going to be. The finished Knights of Terankos ended up being 37 chapters including the prologue and epilogue. Speaking of which, some of the elements introduced here will end up playing a role in the "Terankos Literary Universe," as I'm gonna call it for now. My goal is to eventually make a re-telling of the G2 story, but I'm still a while away from that.

 

Anyways, for this story, I combined the prologue and chapter 1 because I didn't realize the prologue was only like 120 words. And we're going to start off in a place close to where the Lhikan from this universe was born and raised, but it's not going to be about him. Instead I went with one of my favorite teams from G1, and this is going to be a reimagining of their story.

[Toa of Italy]

Ok, I’ve read the posted chapters all in one go. My judgment is... mixed, let’s say.

The plot is admittedly intriguing and I’ll probably keep following this epic as you post it. The most interesting questions here are without a doubt about the past of Miyaka, Myrlax and Norik’s father Kinroc. I imagine you will address these as we go on, though I hope ou will do so gradually, in order to maintain some mystery throughout the epic.

The characterizations, on the other hand, have not so far been the epic’s strong point. Norik himself is not bad, but Varian, for instance, is a bit too exaggerated: the way she behaves in certain situations is just too cheeky and brash to be very realistic (even though I guess that’s the point). Iruini is a more interesting character, though he lost some of his shine when he talked about his (would-be) relationship with Myrlax: in general, the difficulty your characters seem to have in dealing with romance and admitting their feelings is a bit too stereotyped, in my opinion. As for Miyaka herself, I like your idea of her having some kind of social interaction difficulty... but I feel you haven’t managed to develop a fully coherent characterization yet.

A few more remarks: the scene where Miyaka first appears is not constructed very well, in my opinion. Everything is too sudden... and yet somehow both Norik and Varian almost take it in her stride, despite this being the first act of rebellion against the Barraki they have ever seen: Norik just decides to trust Miyaka, a complete stranger, and Varian seems to be not in the least intimidated by her powers and her fighting abilities.

Nothing to say, on the other hand, on your reimagining of the Bionicle canon (with characters having parents, for instance). I did not read The Knights of Terankos (though I remember seeing it on the forums a few years ago), so I don’t know if this epic and that are coherent on this aspect, but in any case your approach certainly makes sense.

And that’s it: I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been somewhat critical of your epic. I will still keep following it. Do you write it chapter by chapter or have already at least the epic’s outline written? 

Edited September 15, 2019 by Toa of Italy