November Is Not My Friend
Entry posted by Zatth
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Usually my life is measured by the days when I'm not in a hospital versus those when I am in a hospital or when I'm afflicted by a specific thing. Since moving to the U.S. when I was fourteen, my health had been the best it ever had been in fourteen years. In 2011, I used November to do and win NaNoWriMo, convincing myself that I could do anything, and continue writing as much as I wanted.
Should've knocked on a lot of wood.
Next year, as November was starting, I was taken to the hospital because I was losing weight too quickly (and my depression started to really manifest for the same time). Because of a treatment of TPN "(Parenteral nutrition (PN) is feeding a person intravenously, bypassing the usual process of eating and digestion. The person receives nutritional formulae that contain nutrients such as glucose, amino acids, lipids and added vitamins and dietary minerals. It is called total parenteral nutrition (TPN) or total nutrient admixture (TNA) when no significant nutrition is obtained by other routes.") and trying to adjust my TPN levels, I spent all of November hospitalized. Whatever, no biggie, I told myself.
Then November of 2013 it turned out after a fairly normal year for me that I'd had blood pressure so high, I'd been having random absence seizures "( The hallmark of the absence seizures is abrupt and sudden-onset impairment of consciousness, interruption of ongoing activities, a blank stare, possibly a brief upward rotation of the eyes. If the patient is speaking, speech is slowed or interrupted; if walking, he or she stands transfixed; if eating, the food will stop on its way to the mouth. Usually, the patient will be unresponsive when addressed. In some cases, attacks are aborted when the patient is called. The attack lasts from a few seconds to half a minute, and evaporates as rapidly as it commenced.)" If you ask me about specific moments from November of 2012 to November of 2013, I have quite literally blank spaces in my memory. They discovered the absence seizures because they caused me to 'cheat' during a Forensics competition, with me not remembering having cheated, and my coaches giving me an ultimatum and threatening me off the team. A phone call later, some tests later, and I was put on way too many medications that made Nov 2013 - May 2014 the worst year for me medically since 1997.
So after getting out of those long years of medical annoyance, I thought This year will be different! No weird brain problems, no TPN, nothing terrible to hold me back! I'll get back to seriously writing during November and it will be just what I need!
Remember that tournament in Illinois we went to? Turns out the team didn't do as well as we should've. Because of our terrible record (we finished fourth in the nation), I tried doubly hard to focus on Forensics work, plus school work. Add to that a lack of being invited or even acknowledged by my 'friends' from the team, plus a kidney stone that dislodged itself a week and three days ago plus a laptop that got fried on Friday evening and my depression popping by again to make me Apathetic Man, and I've gotten nowhere with my writing.
It's just annoying to me that I've decided that I love writing more than anything, and because of school/Forensics/medical stuff, I haven't written anything as satisfactory as my novel The Spark for 2011's NaNoWriMo. It's tedious, and annoying, and I just wish November would be kinder to me.
tl;dr: I had a bad week and needed to vent. I guess this entry counts as writing, so at least it did me some good there :/
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