blogs_blog_698

Ugh, you like actor Y?

 

Not sure we can be friends anymore, person whom I don't talk with regularly.

 

(I agree, though. I hate seeing people on bad terms over trivial things. Sometimes they aren't trivial, but ultimately ending a relationship over a disagreement is never a good thing)

Y>X

wait we are talking about Pokemon, right?

(Seriously though I agree.)

Ugh, you like actor Y?

 

Not sure we can be friends anymore, person whom I don't talk with regularly.

 

(I agree, though. I hate seeing people on bad terms over trivial things. Sometimes they aren't trivial, but ultimately ending a relationship over a disagreement is never a good thing)

 

I never said who it was that liked actor Y and who liked actor Z.

 

 

Y>X

wait we are talking about Pokemon, right?

(Seriously though I agree.)

 

No, though technically speaking you wouldn't be wrong if you got that from it.

I have no idea what this entry is based off of, but if someone is willing to burn a relationship bridge based on who they think deserves an Oscar, video game storylines, or other trivial issues... then there is clearly something else going on that has nothing to do with disagreements over trivial things.

 

Or at least that's what I've experienced in my own circle of friends, anyway.

 

On a related note, didn't Bonseiii write an essay on this very subject? I think it was called 'Friends can Disagree' and I think he posted it in his blog a bunch of years ago.

Unless they said something stupid like "Bioshock Infinite sucks." (I'm kidding of course, my best friend and I have that scuffle at least twice a month)

 

But yeah, I agree with Vorahk here. Seems like there has to be something else going on somewhere. I know from my personal experience it takes a lot for me to not want anything to do with someone I consider a freind.

On a related note, didn't Bonseiii write an essay on this very subject? I think it was called 'Friends can Disagree' and I think he posted it in his blog a bunch of years ago.

 

If he did, I was not aware of it. Still a valid point either way I think.

 

And the dissolution over trivial subjects, at least in my experience, seems to happen a lot more online. It's a lot easier to split with "Halfman945" who you only know as the guy with a Tyrion Lannister avatar than it is to split with Craig Randomguy, your buddy from down the hall that makes the best subs who you recognize the name, face, and voice of. People are a lot more willing to tolerate small things in-person, but it seems like most people online only want a choir of agreement, something I've admittedly fallen prey to myself at times.

I have to admit, it would really depend on the issue. In most cases I'd try to leave it behind me, but if it were something really major - homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, etc. - I must admit I'd have a fair amount of difficulty remaining friendly with them.

I have plenty of friends with whom I disagree on topics like politics and religion, and I don't mind that. There are even occasional jokes back and forth about the differing opinions, and you know, that's cool. We disagree with each other, but we don't take it so seriously that it becomes a problem.

But when someone who is otherwise a rational human sees fit to dehumanise others, although I'll try to bring them around to the idea of not doing so I will sever ties if they keep that frankly unhealthy and damaging opinion.

 

- Indigo Individual

I have to admit, it would really depend on the issue. In most cases I'd try to leave it behind me, but if it were something really major - homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, etc. - I must admit I'd have a fair amount of difficulty remaining friendly with them.

I have plenty of friends with whom I disagree on topics like politics and religion, and I don't mind that. There are even occasional jokes back and forth about the differing opinions, and you know, that's cool. We disagree with each other, but we don't take it so seriously that it becomes a problem.

But when someone who is otherwise a rational human sees fit to dehumanise others, although I'll try to bring them around to the idea of not doing so I will sever ties if they keep that frankly unhealthy and damaging opinion.

 

- Indigo Individual

 

I understand what you're saying, but the way I feel on that sort of thing is that, in a lot of cases, the most effective way to do actual, lasting damage to someone's bigoted views, and eventually end them, is through example. Being around them, maintaining the relationship, treating them normally, and giving an example about why their views are wrong. My neighbor at college last year was pretty homophobic. Voted against gay marriage, didn't have much of a tolerance for discussion of it, etc., etc. But my best friend(Or at least until she dropped out, haven't had much contact since) was a lesbian, and we'd hang out all the time like best friends tend to. Homophobia aside, he was a really nice, reasonable guy, so I decided to stick with him on at least some basis, with the idea that meeting my friend and interacting with her over the course of the year might make him more open-minded, an idea she was all for trying. Fast-forward to summer break, and last time we talked about things relating to the issue, he had gone from "It's immoral, they're bad people, and it should be illegal" to "I don't like it, but it's not my business, as long as a gay guy doesn't hit on me I can tolerate it" Not perfect, but certainly much better.

 

It's a painful, stressful way to handle things - I managed to all but eliminate someone's antisemitic attitudes by treating them no different, but before I started having an impact, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wanted to pop him in the head more than a few times - so I have no issue with people not wanting to do it, but I really do believe that, even in the case of intolerance, the best course of action is maintaining the relationship and responding to it calmly when it occurs. That's the way that, both in personal experience and in observations, has had the strongest impact.

i'd argue that it's completely fine to end a relationship with someone who holds harmful views, especially when those harmful views make you personally feel unsafe or uncomfortable around that person.

i'd argue that it's completely fine to end a relationship with someone who holds harmful views, especially when those harmful views make you personally feel unsafe or uncomfortable around that person.

 

I don't disagree - like I said above, changing someone's bigoted views is an arduous and unpleasant process, and while I personally believe that the end result is worth it, I have no issue with people disagreeing and cutting ties - but the primary core of the entry isn't referring to that:

 

 

 

...someone that is otherwise a reasonable, rational person...

 

I'm referring to scenarios in which people completely cut off any relationship with someone because of disagreements, even if it's kept to a civil point of mutual respect, or "agree to disagree". I'm not referring in the entry to cases of bigotry and intolerance, I'm only addressing those because the idea of severing ties with someone that has those sorts of views was mentioned by Indigo.

I mostly said what I said because of the above (where Indigo mentioned that they would cut ties with people who held harmful beliefs) and was more adding a "you're not required to hang around people who make you feel uncomfortable, and it's entirely up to you whether or not you would want to try and reason with them if they can be reasoned with." Since, at the end of the day, generally friends aren't made to try changing their worldviews from the onset, generally friends are made so that one may feel comfortable, open and safe with them.