Ever feel like despite everything you do, you just can't get control over life?
The past few months (two months, really) have been awful, to say the least. Just as I get a handle on having a good group of close friends and being confident in myself, senior year hits me like a wall. AP classes and college apps are pushing me to my breaking point, and it's been really hard. My self-esteem issues that I thought I had banished to the recesses of my mind have flared up something nasty again. I've talked to people and I'm thinking of seeing a therapist, but I'm still in the process of talking to my parents about that and, on top of that, there just isn't enough time. It seems that at every turn I either need to get my grades up (since when did we start thinking that B+s are bad? Especially in rigorous courses?) or do college essays or applications, and each bit of progress I make on either seems to be immediately knocked down by the sheer amount of work I need to do on both. I fluctuate between my light-hearted, pun-loving self and a sadder, pained one that does nothing but worry and work to close to no avail.
Look, I've been on BZP for more than 9 years and I never made much of an impact on the community. I never really connected with many people here, save for a few a couple of years ago and of them all I seem to be the only one who actually looks at this site anymore. So I realize that me venting my problems out doesn't mean much to most of you, but it helps. Yeah I can talk to people I know IRL, and that is incredibly therapeutic (note: talking to people who love you about things that trouble you is one of the best actions to take in a myriad of ways, if you don't usually do this please do so) but something draws me back here to vent occasionally. I think it's the fact that despite maybe not being the most involved, I know that this is a community of people that are caring, compassionate, and understanding, despite the blog wars and whatnot that tend to say otherwise. Plus, I've learned a lot here about being tolerant towards all people regardless of their background or identity, and maybe a little bit about life as a whole. BZP has played a part in me becoming someone that I admire and that I love, and for that I owe you.
I may not know you too well, despite having known you for a while, but I can't thank you enough, BZP.