13 replies to this topic

[Wotsiznaim]

Well, here's the Epic. You know the drill. Get reviewing. It's my first (technically) so be nice.

[Indigo Individual]

Pretty good. I'm liking it. I can't help but wonder when Sentraken'll be showing up.
It's funny that I've started a new epic with the BZPRPG character that killed Solia, and he she is in an epic of yours. XD

[Wotsiznaim]

Sentraken? You mean Sentraken Vetma? He's the star of the story, my friend.

Solia and Trakuda are my cherished characters. Every epic after this one will feature them in starring roles, and this one hints at Solia's origins.

[Indigo Individual]

Ah, thankyou.

If you cherish Solia so much, why the Karz did you let me kill her? XD

[Wotsiznaim]

It's all part of the plan...

Anyway, next chapter should take about a week or two to come up, due to it's considerably larger-than-Shadows length.

[Indigo Individual]

Yeah. 'Course it is.

DM has longer-than-Oppression chapters.

I see EP ahead...

[Wotsiznaim]

I think you mean Oppression has longer-than-DM chapters. Even if they were longer, yours are just massive conversations

More on-topic, what do you think of the new chapter?

[Indigo Individual]

With murders in between.

That EP bit was what I think. I think there's gonna be EP.

[Wotsiznaim]

What in the name of sanity is EP?

[Indigo Individual]

Energized Protodermis.

[Maganar]

Oh, nice. I'm glad I decided to take a break from posting my own epic (first-timer as well, my friend) to scout out this forum. Xia is a great place for a tale of oppression; the entire city/island uses that concept as a foundation. The characters are pretty vividly described and the situations are dark and believable. I'm going to have to follow this epic.

[Wotsiznaim]

Glad you liked it

I deliberately chose Xia as it hasn't had much spotlight in the story, and there's so much untold about Vortixx society.

I'll check out your epic at some point, fellow first-timer

[Cederak]

Congratulations. You have been unknowingly selected as the winner of the first ECC charity review of 2013. What a treat, right? "Yes, yes it is." Glad you agree. Now, before we get down to the important points, I'll run through the single error (that's right, you're either really good with your grammar/spelling or I was really off my game in that department today) I found.

 

 

Why did his Captain decide to bring him camping.

 

him camping?

 

 

Glancing at your review topic, I quickly discovered this story has roots in the RPG forums. This fact may inform your characters having biological processes like using the bathroom or eating non-protodermis-based food. As a rule, RP-inspired epics tend to lack something in terms of characterization. Perhaps because the intended audience is the writer's RP friends who already know the back-story and just want a new plot. This often alienates other writers from reading the epic because that disconnect exists. Your introduction tells that the reader is in for a tale of family, vengeance, and oppression. It sounds intense, but I only have so little to work with here.

 

I liked your depiction of male Vortixx life on Xia, living under the merciless rule of the females. Males fight to survive, even for a small meal to get them through the day. It's a solid look at how I sometimes imagined things on Xia to work, with the males practically being slaves. Of course, your lead seems destined for great things down the road. I presume he would eventually go on to oppress the females as he was once oppressed, possibly playing upon your title in this way. Only speculation, but once again, I don't have a lot to work with.

 

The basic premise of this story is pretty good, but I think it really faltered in terms of detail and character description. The walls didn't have enough paint and the people in the room were a little too pale, if you get what I'm saying. Splash some life into all that, and I think you'll be well on your way. Best of luck.

 

-Ced

[Wotsiznaim]

Okay, I did not expect this, to say the least XD I had considered this epic abandoned and was considering rewriting it or something in the distant future when I had more time. I say had because I actually forgot that it exists, you've just reminded me to get off my backside, thank you 

 

 

(that's right, you're either really good with your grammar/spelling or I was really off my game in that department today)

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Probably a mixture of both

 

 

 

The basic premise of this story is pretty good, but I think it really faltered in terms of detail and character description. The walls didn't have enough paint and the people in the room were a little too pale, if you get what I'm saying. Splash some life into all that, and I think you'll be well on your way.

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I don't want to sound cocky or anything but it's safe to say I have improved at least a little in my writing ability since I wrote the measly chapter or two this has, but even so I'll take your advice into account just overall, as I'd never really thought about the whole thing about the narrowness of the target audience (the prologue was supposed to be mysterious, just going to throw that out there ).

 

Also I'll just say that your guesstimate is similar to what would end up happening towards the end.

 

Thanks again for the surprise charity review!