All We Want To Do Is Eat Your Brains
Posted Nov 07 2013 - 09:16 AM
Posted Nov 07 2013 - 01:27 PM
What a nutty coincidence that there is a song with an identical title to the news story. Most intriguing.
Can you lose to me in a rap battle? Shoryuken! ~K. Masters
Posted Nov 07 2013 - 02:07 PM
How serendipitous. I was just thinking about zombies today when I wandered into my garage and realized that, should a zombie come at me in there, I would have to defend myself in an enclosed space, retreat not being an option when the garage door is closed. The garage has a deep-freeze in it as well as a large amount of power tools and other random items of various sizes, but seeing as I am not strong enough to list the freezer and use it as a weapon, and would probably not be able to fool a zombie into climbing into it and freezing, I found myself concentrating on the power tools.
The main difficulty with power tools is that most of them are designed for precision work, and I realized that I would not be particularly concerned with precision were a zombie to attack me. Also, the use of these tools generally requires one to get up and personal with whatever they are using the tool on, and my personal philosophy in life is to stay as far away from zombies as possible. Though the abilities of zombies depends on their portrayal in different media, I chose to pretend that the zombies were the ones you see in The Walking Dead and therefore had the ability to turn me into one of them with just a scratch or a bite, which means that staying far away from them would be extremely beneficial in terms of my survival.
So I continued looking for a suitable weapon, and as I did so I rehearsed various strategies in my mind. It seemed likely that I would want to put as much space between myself and the zombie as possible, which would mean backing up against the garage door. I noticed there was a good deal of fishing equipment there, so I made a mental note to watch my feet should I find this scenario unfolding in real life, as tripping over fishing tackle would likely impede my chances of survival, especially if the zombie was fast and could get on top of me before I could get up. As I learned when I took wrestling in middle-school (along with learning just how bad other boys could smell), if you can get on top of someone, it's likely that you're going to lose the wrestling match, unless you can come up with a fancy hold. I assumed that zombie wouldn't be particularly affected by a wrestling move, though, seeing as it would already be dead and therefore wouldn't be too put out by my wrenching on its elbow.
Then I saw my weapon: a wooden paddle was lying among the fishing gear. I decided this would be my optimal tool for defence, as it has a long reach, and, according to the sticker, is made of "100% solid oak" which sounds hard enough to deal sufficient cranial damage to a zombie as to kill it for a second time. Once the zombie was dead, I would probably put it in the freezer so that its corpse wouldn't make my garage smell bad. I don't care for unpleasant smells, as they can make me nauseous enough to throw up. If I were actually in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, I wouldn't want to throw up, because that means I would lose a stomach full of nutrients in a world where the supply of canned goods and freeze-dried vegetables would be dwindling quite quickly. Maintaining a healthy diet is an important (but often overlooked) part of survival.
Cool theme. I might enter.
Posted Nov 07 2013 - 07:31 PM
Not quite sure what to make of the post above me, but...
I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes! And I loved the Jonathan Coulton reference, by the way.
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Posted Nov 08 2013 - 06:38 PM
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