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End of a Universe, Birth of a Kingdom: Review Topic


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#1 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Apr 06 2017 - 06:07 PM

22730108_1575672629163703_76181430784189

 

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It has taken me about four years to complete this, but now at last it can be posted.

End of a Universe, Birth of a Kingdom is, as the title might suggest, a prequel to The Kingdom, the short story that sees Takanuva visit an alternate universe where Matoro failed to save the life of the Great Spirit Mata Nui. This epic starts at the moment of Mata Nui's death, as seen in the canon storyline, then takes off in its own direction as the timeline of the alternate universe diverges from the main one. It tells the story of the destruction of the Matoran Universe, of the evacuation of its inhabitants and of the last war waged against the Brotherhood of Makuta to prevent it from setting foot upon the island of Mata Nui.

Hope you enjoy it. Reviews are very welcome.

Index

Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

 

Characters

The character list contains all the named characters that appear in the epic and some significant unnamed characters as well. At the moment, the characters are sorted based on the species, faction, group, team etc. to which they belong. If these criteria are too confusing, I might change them.

 

EDIT: Some characters could be fitted in more than one category (Helryx, for example, is both a Toa and an Order of Mata Nui member). However, to avoid confusion, I'm placing each character in a single category, depending on which affiliation I consider to be more significant. I've also decided not to create a separate category for the Shadow Matoran; since all Shadow Matoran are originally affiliated with another element, I'm listing them within their original tribe (I might change this rule later on, but for now it works better this way).

 

I've also decided to include a list of chapters in which each character appears. Should the character die, the last chapter in which they are featured will be colored in red (should there be a cliffhanger, the chapter number will be colored red only when said cliffhanger is resolved). Since this information is obviously spoilers, and the same goes for the appearance of some characters, the list is under spoiler tags.

 

EDIT: I've somewhat refined the rules of the list of appearances. Basically, a character (named or unnamed) is listed as appearing in a chapter only if he/she is explicitly shown or if it is important to emphasize their presence. If, on the other hand, a character is present in a particular scene but remains in the background and is not individually mentioned, then that won't be considered an appearance.

 

Spoiler

 

Maps

 

Matoran Universe

(for a discussion of this map see here)

18194806_1410887248975576_72234021363090

  • White - dome wall
  • Red - sea gate/waterway
  • Orange - hidden/blocked sea gate/waterway
  • Yellow - disguised dimensional gate

--------

Additional information

In writing End of a Universe, Birth of a Kingdom, I have tried to stick to BIONICLE canon as much as possible, in order to write a "plausible" version of the events that led to the establishment of the Kingdom. The story is told through the eyes of the many characters of the canon storyline, most of whom make an appearance in End of a Universe, Birth of a Kingdom. It has been necessary, of course, to invent several new characters; I have refrained, however, from making up new names for them; hopefully, this choice won't make the epic too confusing to read. In any case, I plan to add a list of characters to this review topic.

There should be nothing in the epic that openly contradicts the canon storyline. I must however specify that by canon I mean the information contained in the books, comics, serials and other media through which the story was narrated; this definition excludes, most notably, any information that might have been supplied to us by Greg Farshtey.
The answers that Greg gave to our many questions over the years are, of course, an important part of the canon. However, especially of late, they have become sometimes contradictory and, in any case, it is often difficult to locate the specific question and answer from which a particular storyline detail came.
Thus, if some BS01 content contradicts my epic, it is probably due to the fact that some of the information on BS01 came from GregF answers and thus wasn't taken into account by me. Of course, it's also possible that I might have made a mistake; in that case, I'd be grateful if you pointed it out.

I felt free to fill the blanks in the canon with details of my own invention, as well as interpret any ambiguous phrases and statements as it most suited me. For instance, in the Kingdom the duration of the evacuation is not clearly specified ("a few days"); I thus decided to make it last several weeks, which seemed a more realistic timescale for the migration of an entire universe. I have also introduced technology that was never seen in the canon storyline, though its existence was never denied either; weapons, especially, are often more advanced and destructive than those seen in the original story. The geography of the universe has been described in much greater detail as well, particularly where the distribution of the domes and gateways is concerned; again, the number and distribution of portals, waterways and tunnels has been adapted to fit my purposes. Eventually, I'll post a map of the Matoran Universe containing some of the features added by me.
Finally, I adopted a simple rule: any character that was not explicitly said to be alive in The Kingdom could die in my epic. There will be many deaths in End of a Universe, Birth of a Kingdom, some perhaps unexpected. Be prepared.

One last thing: the length. The epic is very long, but most of all it has more than a hundred chapters. When I first started writing it, I did not think it would be this long, thus I made the chapters too short. Making them longer risks upsetting the whole structure of the epic, so I've decided to keep it as it is. Hopefully, it won't be too ponderous to read.

That's all! Once again, enjoy and feel free to write reviews.


Edited by Toa of Italy, Nov 09 2018 - 07:03 PM.

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#2 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Apr 07 2017 - 06:14 AM

Wooooooohooooo!!!! :br:  really excited about this, I was hoping someone would write about that particular universe. Eager to see how it turns out!

 

(quick question, will you be including a chapter or so depicting the MU Takanuva visiting and helping defeat Teridax?)


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#3 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Apr 11 2017 - 06:06 PM

Chapter One is up. It's taken me a lot longer than I thought to post it; I honestly thought I could post a chapter per day, but apparently it won't be as easy as that.

 

I've added an index and a character list to the first post. The list contains, or will contain, spoilers, so be warned.

 

Wooooooohooooo!!!! :br:  really excited about this, I was hoping someone would write about that particular universe. Eager to see how it turns out!

 

(quick question, will you be including a chapter or so depicting the MU Takanuva visiting and helping defeat Teridax?)

 

Glad to hear it. Regarding your question, the answer is no: this epic narrates the events that take place 10,000 years before the Kingdom (in Kingdom Alternate Universe time, which is faster than time in the main dimension), so we won't see any of the events that take place in the original short story. However, there will be a visit, as you put it, of sorts... stay tuned.


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#4 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Apr 25 2017 - 03:56 PM

How can something be so great and so horrible all at the same time?

Seriously great work so far-love the way you've brought characters together in such inspired situations. Jaller's moment with Lesovikk was cool, though the Hahli bit was heartbreaking as was Matoro's encounter with Axonn.

Edited by Wiriamu, Apr 25 2017 - 03:57 PM.

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#5 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Apr 26 2017 - 06:36 AM

I enjoyed Dweller's interaction with the Turaga (albeit indirectly) I bet he's the one who will get the word out to the rest of the universe for them. What an amazing coincidence! :D

 

I admit I got teary eyed when Hahli died... I can feel what Jaller is going through, it's heart-wrenching. :(

 

Eager to see how the rest plays out! :D


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#6 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted May 31 2017 - 05:58 AM

Ok. I didn't think it would take a month to post a new chapter, but it has. Sorry for the wait. It looks like it'll take me years to finish posting this.

 

I have updated the character list and I have also added the map of the Matoran Universe that I have obtained by modifying the official one to better fit storyline sources (at least in my opinion; more on that here).

 

I really hope I'll be able to post a new chapter soon, but I'm a bit busy right now and I don't know when I'll find the time. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one.

 

How can something be so great and so horrible all at the same time?

Seriously great work so far-love the way you've brought characters together in such inspired situations. Jaller's moment with Lesovikk was cool, though the Hahli bit was heartbreaking as was Matoro's encounter with Axonn.

 

Thanks. However, you've told me what is great about it (if I understand you correctly), but not what's horrible.


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#7 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted May 31 2017 - 10:06 PM

Ok. I didn't think it would take a month to post a new chapter, but it has. Sorry for the wait. It looks like it'll take me years to finish posting this.

 

I have updated the character list and I have also added the map of the Matoran Universe that I have obtained by modifying the official one to better fit storyline sources (at least in my opinion; more on that here).

 

I really hope I'll be able to post a new chapter soon, but I'm a bit busy right now and I don't know when I'll find the time. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one.

 

How can something be so great and so horrible all at the same time?

Seriously great work so far-love the way you've brought characters together in such inspired situations. Jaller's moment with Lesovikk was cool, though the Hahli bit was heartbreaking as was Matoro's encounter with Axonn.

 

Thanks. However, you've told me what is great about it (if I understand you correctly), but not what's horrible.

Oh, well...it's all kind of in one, to be honest. You have created an excellent tragedy-I love reading it even though it's ripping my heart out. The latest chapter is no exception-love how you wrote Artakha, and looking forward to see what you what you have planned for him.


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So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

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#8 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Jun 25 2017 - 07:53 AM

Chapter 5 is now online. I hope you all enjoy it and that the lapse between chapters has not yet convinced you to give up on this epic. I may be able to post Chapter 6 shortly.


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#9 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Jun 26 2017 - 07:12 AM

Wow :bigeek:  I'd say definitely worth the wait! You have me on the edge of my seat, well done again!  :D

Don't worry I'll be sticking around, I'm very eager to see how this all turns out!


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#10 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Jun 26 2017 - 03:07 PM

Definitely a great chapter, and I love how you're using the altered circumstances of this timeline to get some more use out of some short-lived characters. I figured Artakha might have been talking about Tren Krom-it was either that or Voporak and exploiting his time slow powers somehow-but I definitely didn't anticipate how you put it into play-Artakha's method was honestly a little terrifying. Loving the fic so far, and looking forward to the next installment.


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Voicing your opinions with tact is the best way to keep a discussion from becoming an argument.
So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

Check out my Creations:

Epics

G1 Battle for Spherus Magna - G2 A Lingering Shadow


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G1 Fallen Guardian - G2 Shadows of Past and Future (The Legend Continues Entry) Head of Stone, Heart of Jungle


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Mask Hoarder, Desert Scourge


#11 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Jul 14 2017 - 08:21 PM

Chapter Six is now online. I hope to be able to post at least another chapter before the end of July.


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#12 Offline CommanderKumo

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Posted Jul 23 2017 - 08:05 AM

I just read all the current chapters, this is great! it's very emotional too!


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#13 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Jul 24 2017 - 05:54 AM

Again, well done! I applaud you! Great job covering all the characters we've grown to love and seeing how they react to this new ordeal.


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#14 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Jul 30 2017 - 04:03 AM

Nice work again. Clever use of the Terrain Crawler. I must say, I'm curious as to what you'll do with Brutaka, since he's supposed to end up in the Kingdom too.
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Voicing your opinions with tact is the best way to keep a discussion from becoming an argument.
So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

Check out my Creations:

Epics

G1 Battle for Spherus Magna - G2 A Lingering Shadow


Short Stories

G1 Fallen Guardian - G2 Shadows of Past and Future (The Legend Continues Entry) Head of Stone, Heart of Jungle


MOCs

Mask Hoarder, Desert Scourge


#15 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Aug 04 2017 - 08:38 AM

So did the Toa Nuva release the Bahrag? Or are the Bohrok trying to escape the failing universe as well? So many question that need answers! So hyped for the next chapter!  :begging:  

 

Poor Botar. It was like watching a train wreck, you knew something would go wrong but you couldn't stop it. :(

 

Eager to see where the Nuva get to and how the war turns out! (still secretly hoping some makuta survive... particularly Krika. He deserves a better ending in this universe.)


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#16 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Aug 19 2017 - 04:39 AM

Chapter 8 is now online.

 

So did the Toa Nuva release the Bahrag? Or are the Bohrok trying to escape the failing universe as well? So many question that need answers! So hyped for the next chapter!  :begging:  

 

Poor Botar. It was like watching a train wreck, you knew something would go wrong but you couldn't stop it. :(

 

Eager to see where the Nuva get to and how the war turns out! (still secretly hoping some makuta survive... particularly Krika. He deserves a better ending in this universe.)

 

The Bahrag were released by the Toa Nuva in Prisoners of the Pit, which takes place before the death of Mata Nui and thus before the Kingdom timeline diverges from the main one. As for their reaction to Mata Nui's death... you'll have to wait and see.

 

As you might guess from this latest chapter, we're going to be seeing quite a lot of war from now on. It'll take some time before the Toa Nuva appear again, though... but there will be plenty happening in the meantime.


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#17 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Aug 29 2017 - 05:54 AM

So far so good, as usual! :D Good to see what the Brotherhood and Takanuva have been up to, and we finally get a Takanuva/Takanuva fight! That makes it worth it no? ;)

 

Keep up the good work!


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#18 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Aug 30 2017 - 09:55 AM

Chapter 10 is online.

 

I've made some changes to the rules of the character list (I don't know if anyone has used it yet, but you might find it useful as the story progresses and the number of characters increases).
 

EDIT: Some characters could be fitted in more than one category (Helryx, for example, is both a Toa and an Order of Mata Nui member). However, to avoid confusion, I'm placing each character in a single category, depending on which affiliation I consider to be more significant. I've also decided not to create a separate category for the Shadow Matoran; since all Shadow Matoran are originally affiliated with another element, I'm listing them within their original tribe (I might change this rule later on, but for now it works better this way).

 

EDIT: I've somewhat refined the rules of the list of appearances. Basically, a character (named or unnamed) is listed as appearing in a chapter only if he/she is explicitly shown or if it is important to emphasize their presence. If, on the other hand, a character is present in a particular scene but remains in the background and is not individually mentioned, then that won't be considered an appearance.

 


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#19 Offline CommanderKumo

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Posted Aug 31 2017 - 01:07 PM

Another awesome chapter! I loved following Kapura on his last chance investigation! :)


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#20 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Sep 15 2017 - 04:30 AM

Chapter 11 is online.

EDIT: I've added a few lines to the conversation between Takanuva and Krakua, which I had forgotten to insert before posting the chapter. They were necessary, in my opinion, but it's nothing substantial.

Edited by Toa of Italy, Sep 19 2017 - 02:59 AM.

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#21 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 06:10 PM

Ok, it's been a while since I posted in the Review Topic. Hopefully someone is still reading this.

 

Chapter 15 is now online. As usual, feel free to write reviews, either positive or negative.

 

The other update is that I've created two banners for this epic, one for the title and the other one for the review topic. They're not particularly elaborate; still, tell me what you think.


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#22 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 07:40 AM

No worries, I am here and still very invested in this story! :D It's very suspenseful, especially since aside from eventually making it to Mata Nui, we have no idea who will make it, even with the snipits we get from the kingdom series that Takanuva traveled to. (btw, did I read correctly about Brutaka's death? I know for a fact that the MU Takanuva makes it out of the Kingdom universe via Brutaka's Olmak. So either he didn't die, or you're fine with diverting from the "canon" ending of the story. Either way, I'm super pumped to see what happens next!  :br:

 

Also in regards to the banners, I like them! The actual Epic one is really cool, the broken Hau has a very creepy tone to it. And you can't go wrong with the Avohkii and Kraahkan facing off again (loved that in 2003)  ^_^


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#23 Offline CommanderKumo

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 12:25 PM

Spoilers for chapter 15

 

Great chapter, RIP Brutaka he was a cool guy


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#24 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Nov 06 2017 - 10:09 AM

I must say this, Kapura is quickly becoming a favorite character of mine. He didn't have much screen time in the MU, but you've definitely given him a moment to shine. Well done on the new chapter again, I'm very eagerly awaiting more! :D


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#25 Offline CommanderKumo

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Posted Nov 07 2017 - 03:07 PM

That fight was awesome!

great writing, I really love this story!


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#26 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Nov 09 2017 - 08:27 PM

Chapter 17 is now online.

 

With this chapter, the battle of Metru Nui comes to an end. But the story has only just begun: stay tuned.

 

btw, did I read correctly about Brutaka's death? I know for a fact that the MU Takanuva makes it out of the Kingdom universe via Brutaka's Olmak. So either he didn't die, or you're fine with diverting from the "canon" ending of the story.

Who knows? My story fully conforms (as far as I'm aware, at least) to the canon as espoused by The Kingdom short story. But in some cases I may have interpreted that story in... unexpected ways, shall we say. If you wish to know more, keep reading.

 

That fight was awesome!

Thanks. Plenty more of those coming up.


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#27 Offline CommanderKumo

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Posted Nov 10 2017 - 01:37 PM

That chapter was awesome! Takanuva and Krakua make an awesome Duo.


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#28 Offline Wiriamu

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Posted Nov 22 2017 - 11:39 PM

KARZAHNI'S CHIMES MAN!

...sorry. I just haven't been to the fanfic corner for a while, and I finally come back to find that you've written one of the most crazy intense fanfics I have ever read. Truly masterful work-you definitely came up with some ideas I never thought of.


Edited by Wiriamu, Nov 22 2017 - 11:39 PM.

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Voicing your opinions with tact is the best way to keep a discussion from becoming an argument.
So far as I'm aware, it's pronounced like this: We're ee ah moo.
 

Check out my Creations:

Epics

G1 Battle for Spherus Magna - G2 A Lingering Shadow


Short Stories

G1 Fallen Guardian - G2 Shadows of Past and Future (The Legend Continues Entry) Head of Stone, Heart of Jungle


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Mask Hoarder, Desert Scourge


#29 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Dec 01 2017 - 07:07 PM

Chapter 19 is up.

 

In this chapter we basically catch up with some characters and meet a few more. The appearance of Sentrakh and Amphibax isn't completely random, in case someone's wondering: in the 2006 Dark Hunters' guide, they were both reported as being on the trail of the Piraka, though ultimately they never appeared in the main storyline. This slightly irked me, to be honest, and it's one of the reasons I decided to feature them.

 

This is a somewhat busy period for me, so I can't be sure when I'll be able to post a new chapter. But I'll be back, that's for sure. The story has barely begun.

 

KARZAHNI'S CHIMES MAN!

...sorry. I just haven't been to the fanfic corner for a while, and I finally come back to find that you've written one of the most crazy intense fanfics I have ever read. Truly masterful work-you definitely came up with some ideas I never thought of.

 

Thanks, I'm very glad you've enjoyed it so far. I have a few more ideas in store and I hope you will appreciate these as well.


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#30 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Dec 04 2017 - 06:55 AM

Yay for story continuity! :D I loved the Dark Hunter guide, had so many story plots going on that you wished somehow were used in the main story. Glad to see those two making an appearance! :)

 

At the same time, poor Jaller. He's definitely going through a rough patch. He'd better be careful though, he's turning into Vakama with his blaming himself (although that might be justifiable) :P anywhooo great job again! Very eager for more! 


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#31 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Feb 01 2018 - 12:49 PM

OK, after a five-week hiatus, we're back. Chapter 21 is now online. Some characters return after a long absence and some new ones appear, including a mysterious one whose identity I cannot reveal (feel free to guess, but I will neither confirm nor deny... nor do I guarantee that it's a canon character and not one that I made up).

 

I'm going to be very busy until about the end of February, so there might be another long hiatus before the next chapter. After that, updates should become somewhat more frequent.

 

Enjoy!


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#32 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Feb 01 2018 - 01:36 PM

YAY!!! Always fun finding a new chapter! :D  :br:

Well the being with the Frostelus is obviously Subterranean. He was sent by the Shadowed one to broker an alliance with them, but in the original story he was unsuccessful. Apparently this timeline offered different results. He has some dangerous powers, it's fortunate that Onua wasn't harmed further.

 

As for the other guy... hard to say. At first I thought it was TSO but since he showed up later I quickly threw that theory out the window :P plus he would never ally with the Makuta after what they've been through. So I'm willing to guess that you made him up ;)


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#33 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Mar 09 2018 - 01:45 PM

I've just uploaded Chapter 23. It's somewhat long, but then again I'm depicting a complicated negotiation and a big battle in the same chapter.

 

I'll be busier than I expected for the next few weeks, so I've no idea when I'll manage to post a new chapter.


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#34 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Mar 09 2018 - 02:06 PM

Woo another chapter! :D Thanks for keeping this up, I'm enjoying reading through it immensely!  :br:

 

No worries, I understand that life happens, but know that I'll keep an eye out for more periodically!


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#35 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted May 04 2018 - 04:09 AM

I didn't think it would take me quite this long, but after a month I'm back with Chapter 25. Hope you like it.


Edited by Toa of Italy, May 04 2018 - 04:20 AM.

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#36 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted May 04 2018 - 05:39 AM

Lots of suspense! :D I'm totally perplexed by this character, been racking my brain trying to figure out who he might be but you've done a great job of keeping him a mystery. I'm very eager to see how this all turns out!


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#37 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Jul 20 2018 - 02:50 PM

After another month-long hiatus, I'm back with Chapter 28. Anyone who likes battle scenes will (hopefully) enjoy it. Feel free to review the chapter and the previous ones, as always.


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#38 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Aug 07 2018 - 11:52 AM

Spoiler

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#39 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Aug 22 2018 - 04:40 PM

And here's Chapter 30. Another long chapter, but hopefully an engaging one, where you finally get a glimpse of what the apocalypse might look like.

 

Spoiler

 

I don't quite understand if this is a compliment or not. Still, comments are always welcome (especially since you're the only reader I'm aware of who is still reading this epic).


Edited by Toa of Italy, Aug 22 2018 - 04:46 PM.

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#40 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Aug 23 2018 - 05:32 AM

And here's Chapter 30. Another long chapter, but hopefully an engaging one, where you finally get a glimpse of what the apocalypse might look like.

 

Spoiler

 

I don't quite understand if this is a compliment or not. Still, comments are always welcome (especially since you're the only reader I'm aware of who is still reading this epic).

 

Apologies for the vagueness, it's a compliment definitely! :D

 

It's just a reference to my reaction of Krakua going through the portal and then detonating with the sonic nova: "And here we... go!"

 

...  :onfire:  :onfire:

 

Excited for this new chapter! Haven't read it yet, but will asap. :D


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