Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Nick Silverpen

Review: Hauntings

Recommended Posts

The Dark Time on Mata Nui was a thousand year period in which Makuta infected his darkness throughout the island paradise to the Matoran of Metru Nui. However, in a new and strange land, on an unknown ocean, there were bound to be odd and eerie occurrences which the Matoran experienced besides the Makuta.

In an anthology of canon-compliant short stories, I hope to present a series of occurrences I've brainstormed that happened in the Dark Time. I've already posted a majority of this on Tumblr and Wordpress and AO3, but I thought it fitting to put it on here. 

(Also, I know it has been a while since my last posting, and I know I owe some people some stuff from Holiday contests, which I will get to posting. But for now, know that it will be here soon)

The Hauntings

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, Nick! Great to see you and your writing again! I appreciate your specification of canon-compliance you mentioned. 

I like the eerie tone you've managed to set up in your prologue. Well done, with the Makuta as the big bad, but that leaves a lot of blindspots for the creepy stuff to sneak in. 

More of an author-y/writing process question: Since you'll be posting from already-written writing, do you find yourself editing and proofreading a lot, before publishing here? Adding new things in? 

Anyways, looking forward to reading more from you! (if I were good, I'd read where you already posted, but I took a glance at AO3, and while it was nice to see some familiar authors and a decent amount of activity, a lot of it looked like a crazy wild jungle of crossovers, and I'd be afraid to get lost. BZP is a nice comfort zone, I like the format haha). 

Peace! 

Edited by Aderia

454125568_ScreenShot2020-01-12at1_29_13AM.png.95a86461c3844f8d45d05c14e4b3c01e.png
Those pesky firespitters
(disclaimer: none of this banner art is original, I just smooshed it together in gimp. Torchic, Matau, turtleduck)
The Sculptors and the SmeltersThe Ternion | Review Topic  | Library

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Aderia! Appreciate your reply.

There were definitely a lot of things in the "Dark Time" that Makuta was involved in, but I don't think he could have spent every hour of every day terrorizing every aspect of the Matoran life on Mata Nui. There are some stories he is involved in, but there are some other things he has no connection to.

The official dictionary definition of "Hauntings" is 

Quote
Hauntings (adj): poignant and evocative; difficult to ignore or forget.

I want to see what is creepy, what could happen. I've explored some ghost stories and scoured Biosector for some stuff that is within the realm of possibility of happening on Mata Nui. 

Process wise, I feel as if the first few chapters I'm putting up are edited enough where I don't need to do a line by line edit/analysis. All of that work was done a while ago. 

Glad you're enjoying it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For Ch. 1

1) Great use of treespeak. There always seem to be subtle enough differences in how different writers use it, it's always fun to see, if not perhaps a bit less fun to write. 

2)

Quote

 “Visit-company! Of the funky monkey kind!”

 This line got a genuine chuckle out of me, kudos. 

3)

Quote

The leaf glowed, and could only be discerned from other plantlife of the forest by night. 

This is really the only line that gave me pause. The glowing detail works well. Does that mean all the plants are in the jungle are literally shaped the same? Or that the Matoran just haven't been able to distinguish physical differences? Or is it just that the jungle is so dense that they can't find it effectively otherwise? (I'm leaning toward the last one, now that I'm thinking about it more). 

 

4) You had a lovely, natural, gradual build up of tension while they're all finding each other after the crash, and the line I quoted below really capped it off nicely. Simple and effective. Good job. 

Quote

“But Taiki,” Kongu said. “We are all here. Who could be buried?”

 

Keep 'em rolling!


454125568_ScreenShot2020-01-12at1_29_13AM.png.95a86461c3844f8d45d05c14e4b3c01e.png
Those pesky firespitters
(disclaimer: none of this banner art is original, I just smooshed it together in gimp. Torchic, Matau, turtleduck)
The Sculptors and the SmeltersThe Ternion | Review Topic  | Library

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just read chapter 1, and definitely enjoyed it. So many Bionicle fics are same-y but this one, like some other recent ones on the site, thankfully, are working hard to stand out. The horror angle is great.

I was genuinely disturbed by the description of the corpse. Typically when we think of zombies or skeletons we project certain personalities or attributes onto them that make them totally separate from living things, and when we are just dealing with a regular corpse its humanity is typically played up to convey tragedy.

The way you described this body, however, and the way the Matoran reacted to it, was truly chilling. Even though clearly dead it still seemed like it would spring to life at any moment, and the whole scene was just so unearthly. That's the beat way I can put it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like the idea of spooky stories set in the Bionicle universe and I'm enjoying what you've posted so far. I like how the "unknown" danger is interspaced with more "known" dangers like rahi and how the actual source of the hauntings is left with multiple potential explanations.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...