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Bionicle: The Legend Exploded

TLReloaded crazy awesome parody

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#1 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 12:17 PM

Hello, Comedies forumgoers! Welcome to the sequel to my last comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Reloaded! (Warning: Link leads to old forums, so be careful about clicking it if you don't want to randomly log out.)As with TLReloaded, The Legend Exploded is a parody of a BIONICLE movie; specifically, the never released fifth BIONICLE film. Using the synopsis of BIONICLE 5 that Greg posted on his blog a couple of years back, I have now written a parody of BIONICLE 5. It more or less follows the plot outline in the synopsis, although many things have been changed to make it funnier or else crazy awesome.One last thing I'd like to note before we get to the first chapters is that you may notice a lot of continuity errors, plot holes, inconsistent characterizations, fights that break the laws of physics into bit-sized pieces, and so on. As with TLReloaded, any mistake you notice in here - save for most spelling and grammar mistakes - was intentional on my part. It is simply the nature of the Legend Trilogy to be completely over the top and stupid. The whole point of this comedy is to be stupid and parody bad writing.Also, TLE will be 19 chapters long (plus the prologue). I will post a new chapter once a week, so check back every Wednesday for another installment of awesomeness.Contents:Prologue: For the Lazy ReadersChapter I: The Darkness (Subtitle: Really Serious Chapter)Chapter II: The Attack (Subtitle: Mata Nui and friends take on an entire army of monsters)Chapter III: Another Ambush (Subtitle: Burritos!)Chapter IV: An Epic Confrontation (Subtitle: In which Mata Nui gets a pretense of character development)Chapter V: An Epic Challenge (Subtitle: Sort of)Chapter VI: A New Friend (Subtitle: Someone else to abuse Bucket-head)Chapter VII: Weird Events (Subtitle: It may not be a dream after all)Chapter VIII: More New Friends (Subtitle: Bucket-head just can't get a break)Chapter IX: Air Guitar Hero (Subtitle: In which Likus and Tera show off their mad air guitar skillz)Chapter X: The Champions of Air Guitar (Subtitle: Ackar and Likus act even stupider than usual)Chapter XI: Gone Fishing (Subtitle: Dah Element Lords finally make an appearance)Chapter XII: Anger & Drama (Subtitle: Mata Nui gets another semblance of character development (sort of))Chapter XIII: Watch out! (Subtitle: Exclamation marks make titles more exciting!)Chapter XIV: Betrayal (Subtitle: Dramatic plot twist time!)Chapter XV: Epic Battle (Subtitle: This chapter was brought to you by the letter 'A', for Awesome)Chapter XVI: The Epic Conclusion (Subtitle: Not!)Chapter XVII: A Battle so Epic even Jason Bourne must Join (Subtitle: I can't think of a good subtitle)Chapter XVIII: When Entities Do Battle (Subtitle: So much manliness it can't be contained!)Chapter XIX: The End (Subtitle: As if)Side Story: Biomechanical Dinosaur Hunting (Subtitle: Because you demanded it!)Now enough of my rambling. Here are the prologue and first chapter of BIONICLE: The Legend Exploded:

Prologue: For the Lazy Readers

In the last comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Reloaded, Mata Nui – resident gun-toting butt-kicker – had come home from hunting cybernetic demon wolves one day to discover that his girl, Kiina, had been kidnapped by a gang called the Skrall, led by the mighty Tuma, an old enemy of Mata Nui.Mata Nui’s mind snapped and he recruited his old war buddies: Ackar, the old man who could still hand your butt to you on a silver platter; Gresh, the fastest and most incomprehensible man alive; and ‘Double Barrel’ Berix, the Agori who escaped the Bota Magnan Asylum for Incurably Criminal Agori and lived to tell the tale. With his friends at his side, Mata Nui went after the Tuma, intent on getting his girl Kiina back.After several awesome and unbelievable adventures (most of which were unnecessary filler used by the author to pad out the word count), Mata Nui and his friends defeated the Tuma and rescued Kiina. However, the real villain was Metus, an old friend of Berix’s, who turned out to be controlled by an entity known as Destruction, who in turn was borne from the dark thoughts of a 100,000,000,000,000,000,000.3 year old being called the Abyss (or just Abyss. The author was never really consistent about that). Not only that but an army of demons arose to slay our heroes.But Mata Nui and friends – with the aid of Zeus, the Greek god of the sky – defeated the hordes of entities while looking really awesome at the same time. And then a good entity named Super Planet bestowed the power of unity upon Mata Nui and friends, giving them the power necessary to destroy the Abyss once and for all.After that, you’d think the plot would have ended. But nope. The author had to reach 50,000 words and by the time they destroyed the Abyss, the author was only at 25,000. So the author decided to stretch out the comedy just a little by having Mata Nui and his friends get involved in a ninja kidnapping plot.Old Man Raanu was kidnapped by a group of ninjas (who had no real reason for kidnapping him, by the way) and Mata Nui and friends had to rescue him. This caused them to go on a long, unnecessary journey in which they battled monster ponies (also known as ‘monies’), sheep and goat ninjas, and Death himself (well, they didn’t actually fight Death, but they annoyed him, anyway).Eventually, our band of butt-kickers reached the ninjas’ main base. After a somewhat anticlimactic battle, Mata Nui defeated the Grand Di-Shogun and freed Old Man Raanu, who, being the richest Agori in the universe, rewarded them with 80 trillion dollars. Billy, the Grand Di-Shogun’s nephew, became Super Planet’s apprentice, and both he and Super Planet flew off into space to fight evil and all that jazz.After that crazy adventure, Mata Nui and friends returned home. They split up, each going their separate ways, and for a while it looked like maybe they wouldn’t be dragged into another dumb plot.But then Mata Nui – polishing his 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle – received a note from a group calling themselves Dah Element Lords. Dah note from Dah Element Lords said that they had take Berix and Gresh hostage and demanded to see 80 trillion dollars by the end of the week or else they would kill Berix and Gresh.Because no one messes with Mata Nui’s friends and gets away with it with their spine intact, Mata Nui rounded up Kiina and Ackar to go on a rescue mission, which brings us up to present day, when Mata Nui, Ackar, and Kiina have been tracking down Dah Element Lords for a few days . . .

Chapter I: The Darkness

Subtitle: Really Serious Chapter

Ackar was an old man. He was often cranky, irritable, and in constant need of prunes. Unless he got his old guy sleep, his health would get worse and he might just die. Of course, that was if he wanted to die, for Death had already set him up to get killed twice and failed. So it was unlikely that Ackar would be croaking any time soon.So Ackar was just peacefully napping in the jungle, occasionally snorting or muttering things like, “Darn kids, get off my lawn” when a tree exploded for no apparent reason.Ackar’s eyes snapped open and he was on his feet instantly, sword in hand, as two figures flew out of the burning tree, did a few summersaults in midair, and landed on the ground with such ferocity that they caused an earthquake. But they did not want the earthquake around here, so the yellow one grabbed the earthquake and threw it into space, where it would harm no one. Yay.The two figures looked slightly similar to Ackar, but only slightly. One was yellow; a rather impractical color, but Ackar couldn’t judge because he wore bright red armor. The other one was blue and female, which is important for you to know because if you didn’t you would assume she is male due to the lack of female characters in BIONICLE, which would be sexist which would make you a bad person which would make me have to ask you to leave lest some people call this comedy sexist which it isn’t by the way as one of the main characters is female and is arguably one of the coolest characters in this comedy and-“Shut up!” Ackar snapped. “We get it. Bad things will happen, the apocalyse is upon us, blah, blah, blah. Gah, I need my prunes.”“I actually liked what the narrator was saying about me being one of the coolest characters in this comedy,” said the blue female (see? No sexism there).“You may be cool, Kiina,” said the yellow one as he pointed a thumb at himself. “But I am the coolest. Who threw that earthquake into space? Yep, me, Mata Nui, the main character and greatest action hero ever.”“Next to Jason Bourne, that is,” said Ackar.Mata Nui glared daggers at Ackar, who quickly deflected them out of the air with his sword. “What do you know about action heroes?”“More than you,” Ackar answered. “And why do you two look different? Last I saw, you guys looked less like Skrall rejects and more like actual warriors.”Ackar was right. Mata Nui and Kiina did look different, but because these particular versions of these characters were never released as sets, I cannot describe them. So use your imagination instead of relying on me to do all of the explaining. Back in my day, kids didn’t need cranky old narrators like me to tell them what things looked like. They used their own imagination, unlike kids nowadays, with their stupid Wiis and wireless Internet and My Little Pony dolls and all of that other stuff. Stupid modern kids.Ignoring me, Mata Nui said to Ackar, “We’re going undercover as Skrall, obviously.”“But last I checked, the Skrall were all black with various shades of other colors, but mostly red,” said Ackar, looking Mata Nui and Kiina up and down. “You’re bright yellow and blue. Also, we’re going after Dah Element Lords, not Skrall.”“We know,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “But they don’t know that.”“Who doesn’t know what?” asked Ackar.“Them,” said Mata Nui, pointing at the screen.All three of them looked at the readers and for a moment no one said anything.Then Ackar turned back to Mata Nui and Kiina and said, “Well, I still think you look stupid. If you think I’m going to put on some of that Skrall armor, you got another- Hey, where’d this Skrall armor come from?”While Ackar had been speaking, all of his armor had somehow been replaced by Skrall armor. He looked like a completely different person, because ya know, putting on a new suit of armor can alter your body structure. At least in BIONICLE it can, anyway.“Wow,” said Mata Nui, whose tone was one of extremely fake surprise. “Ackar, the armor must have chosen you! It is destiny!”“Yeah,” said Kiina, who was busily kicking something red out of sight. “Definitely. No going against destiny, right?”Ackar looked disgruntledly down at his new armor. “I don’t like it, but if you say so . . .”It was at that moment the plot attacked. Back down the path they had come up, they heard a noise, like someone sneaking around and failing at it.“Uh oh,” said Mata Nui. “Someone is following us.”“Or something,” said Ackar. “Remember the flying ninja chipmunk zombies?”“Oh, yeah,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “I still don’t know why the ducks sacrificed themselves to save us, though.”“Enough of the Noodle Incidents,” said Kiina, pointing down the path. “Ackar, because I’m too lazy to do anything, you go and find out what made that noise.”“Okay,” said Ackar, nodding. “I’ll be as stealthy as a ninja. In fact, I will play ‘Ninja’ by Europe while I am sneaking around. It’ll freak out whoever is following us.”Ackar pulled out a giant boom box from nowhere, put a CD in it, and pressed play. Suddenly ‘Ninja’ by Europe blared out of the speakers as Ackar not-so-stealthily went back down the path they had came. Exactly why Ackar felt the need to play that song, not even Mata Nui or Kiina knew. It was probably just the author inserting songs he likes into his story. Stupid author.TNTOS: Hey, Mr. Narrator. Keep that talk up and I’ll replace you with Amy.Wait, you can’t fire me! I have a wife and three children!TNTOS: No, you don’t. You sleep in your car outside the studio.Darn it. Well, you still can’t fire me. I’m not as bad as Amy, you know.TNTOS: Good point. Well, just keep your opinions about me to yourself and narrate the darn story.Yes, sir.Anyway, Ackar was sneaking along while ‘Ninja’ played. Despite Ackar’s best efforts, he lost control of his fire abilities (a problem he never faced before, but never mind that) and set a tree on fire. The light of the burning tree – which looked really awesome – illuminated a Skrall standing there, holding his hands over his ears, probably to protect them from the booming noise that came from the boom box.“Ah ha!” said Ackar, pointing at the Skrall. “I spy with my little eye a Skrall!”But the Skrall panicked and fired his gun at Ackar. The bullet hit Ackar and he went down (rest assured folks that Ackar is not badly hurt, just bruised).Mata Nui and Kiina had been watching the entire scene (including my argument with the author) and, as Ackar went down, Mata Nui yelled, “Ackar!”Oddly, his voice took on a weird echo-y effect and the rock behind the Skrall turned into Arnold Schwarzenegger and grabbed him. The Arnold Schwarzenegger rock statue thing began squeezing the Skrall, like a dumb kid who doesn’t seem to understand what happens when you squeeze a balloon full of helium. It would be funny if the Skrall popped like a balloon, now that I think about it.Just then, Ackar got to his feet and shook his head. He looked from Mata Nui to the Skrall and said to Mata Nui, “Keep it up, Mata Nui! Teach that dumb Skrall a lesson!”Ackar’s words seemed to break Mata Nui out of his reverie, for the Arnold Schwarzenegger statue suddenly dropped the Skrall and transformed back into a normal rock. Mata Nui shook his head and said, “Whoa. That was freaky.”Ackar sighed frustrated. “Fine. If you won’t kill him, I will.”Ackar raised his sword and was about to unleash a blast of fire that probably would have burned at least half of Bara Magna before the Skrall raised his hands in surrender and said, “Wait! Don’t shoot! I am not evil!”“Kill him, Ackar!” said Kiina eagerly. “When I was in the custody of the Skrall, they mistreated me. Don’t let him live.”“Kiina, although I love your bloodthirsty ruthlessness, I think we should hear the Skrall out first,” said Mata Nui, looking at Ackar now. “And then you can kill him.”Ackar looked disappointed, but he put his sword away in the place BIONICLE characters store their weapons in the movies (probably somewhere too inappropriate to show in this comedy). The Skrall stood up unsteadily, looking quite frightened at the three beings who obviously wanted him dead.“There is nothing left for me in Roxtus,” said the Skrall quickly, as though he had spent all night memorizing it. “I thought . . . well, I thought I could join with you guys and go home. But then the tree went on fire and I thought you were attacking. So I fought back in self-defense.”“A fishy story,” said Mata Nui, stroking his chin. “Quite a feat, as your story has no fish in it.”The Skrall’s eyes suddenly became puppy dog wide and he said, “Please, merciful Mata Nui, let me come with you. I just want to go home, back to my country which is for some reason unnamed, and you guys are going there, so I want to com with you. Please!”If the Skrall thought his attempt at puppy dog eyes would work, he was sorely mistaken. Mata Nui, Kiina, and Ackar took a step back at the disgusting and bizarre-looking Skrall, whose eyes immediately returned to normal when he saw how freaked out they were.So the Skrall tried a different approach. He threw himself at Mata Nui’s feet (quite a feat, as throwing oneself is harder than throwing someone else) and said, “O mighty Mata Nui, I would just like to go back to my home. That is all that this humble Skrall’s humble heart humbly desires.”“I don’t believe him,” said Kiina abruptly. “Mata Nui, can I kick him to Jupiter? Please?”Mata Nui looked down into the Skrall’s eyes. Even though Mata Nui had once killed millions of this Skrall’s people and had personally slain the Tuma, this Skrall wanted to join Mata Nui and his friends on their journey north. He just wanted to go home even if it meant traveling with enemies who might kill him in his sleep.What a stupid Skrall, Mata Nui thought. But I might be able to use this to my advantage.Mata Nui folded his arms – just to make himself look intimidating – and said, “Hmmmmmmmmmm, I’m not sure we should let him join, guys. I mean, Skrall are really stupid and willful. Not to mention we’re not going on a pleasure ride. We’re going to rescue Gresh and Berix, and I am not sure we have room for one more.”“But you cannot just abandon me!” said the Skrall in shock. “Mata Nui, we have met once before, don’t you remember?”Mata Nui thought hard about that for a moment. “Hmm, you can’t be one of the Skrall I killed because you wouldn’t be here. On the other hand, though, I never let any Skrall that I see live. Could be lying.”“I am not,” the Skrall insisted. “Do you remember, way back when, when you were captured by the Skrall? A Skrall freed you. That Skrall was me. I’m on your side, Mata Nui, for I did save your life, after all.”“True,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “But I seem to recall promising that particular Skrall I would kill him last, and I never make false promises.”“Uh, your memory must be faulty, then,” said the Skrall hastily. “But now you have all the proof you need of my innocence. What do you say? Friends?”“I never liked that show,” said Mata Nui thoughtfully. “But the more I think about it, having a Skrall as a meat shield, er, I mean, ally might not be such a bad idea.”“But Mata Nui, Skrall are mean, cruel, and dirty!” said Kiina, looking at Mata Nui in surprise. “All Skrall are the four letter word I can’t say because the BZP word filter blocks it! I say that’s more than enough reason to-““Kiina,” said Mata Nui, turning to her and whispering so quietly that the Skrall – who had super enhanced hearing abilities for no particular reason – couldn’t hear them. “I hate Skrall as much as you do. But think about it; he can be cannon fodder. Rather than risk our own lives, we can send this Skrall against our enemies during battle first. If he dies, so what? At least it’s not me, er, I mean you or Ackar. See where I’m going?”“Yeah, yeah I see,” said Kiina, nodding approvingly. “I knew there was a reason I loved you. Before I just thought it was because the author was mocking the Mata Nui/Kiina shipping, but maybe there is more to it than that.”“Yeah, sure, whatever,” said Mata Nui, turning away from Kiina to address the Skrall. “So, Mr. ‘I-Save-Your-Life-And-Now-You-Must-Help-Me-Go-Back-To-My-Home-Country’ Skrall, you may join us.”“You mean you aren’t going to ask me my opinion?” asked Ackar as he walked up to them. He had been trying to put out the tree he had set on fire during all of this, but had finally given up and punted the tree to the moon, where it would probably not hurt anyone.“You’re an old man,” said Mata Nui. “Old peoples’ opinions don’t count.”“But I’m your best friend!” said Ackar. Then his eyes rested on the Skrall and he growled, “You took my best friend away from me, Skrall. If you put even one toe out of line, I’ll kick your butt so hard it won’t even exist anymore.”If the Skrall had looked frightened before, he looked absolutely terrified now. “Um, no, O great Ackar, I will not put even one toe out of line. I-I am a good Skrall. Yes I am.”“Okay,” said Mata Nui. “So what’s your name?”“I have no name,” said the Skrall, shaking his head. “Skrall don’t get names unless they do something extraordinary, like defeating a powerful enemy or listening to the Tuma’s opera recital without going permenantly deaf. So I am nameless.”“Eh, you need a name,” said Ackar, folding his arms. “So I think I’ll call you Bucket-Head.”“I will carry the name with honor,” said the Skrall, bowing low. “Even though it is completely against what I have been taught my whole life, I shall not throttle you for disrespecting my culture and turning me against my people by giving me a name.”“Heh, Bucket-Head,” said Mata Nui. “It’s funny.”“Yes, it is,” said Ackar, nodding. “So, now that we’re all one big happy family, what’re we going to do now, Mata Nui?”“Hmm, we could play hunt the Skrall,” said Mata Nui. “That’s always fun.”“And we do have a Skrall on hand,” said Kiina, pointing at Bucket-Head.“Why don’t we continue our journey?” said Bucket-head quickly. “Aren’t two of your best friends kidnapped by Dah Element Lords or something?”“I’m not sure I’d call them best friends, but they’re friends, yeah,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “That’s a good idea. So, my friends, let’s get back to the plot. With a new slave, er, friend, we will bravely set forth into the unknown!”So Mata Nui and friends, with Bucket-head the Skrall, restarted their journey north. But everyone kept one paranoid eye on Bucket-head, for no one trusted him due to him being a Skrall. I would make some comment about racism and intolerance, but I have a feeling that would stray into religion and politics, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut.Comments, criticisms, etc. are all welcome :) .-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Jul 07 2012 - 09:26 AM.

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(In the End Updated 07/28/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#2 Online Sundowner

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Posted Feb 22 2012 - 08:21 PM

Been a while since I've replied to a comedy but here I am. Anyway I loved the Legend Reloaded and I am looking forward to the Legend Exploded. However I distinctly remember a typo in here somewhere but I can't find it. Seeing as this is the first chapter I can't comment on it too much. Now for some quotes!

“Or something,” said Ackar. “Remember the flying ninja chipmunk zombies?”

Alvin and the Chipmunks? NOOOO! Ah well their movies sucked.

Ackar looked disappointed, but he put his sword away in the place BIONICLE characters store their weapons in the movies (probably somewhere too inappropriate to show in this comedy). The Skrall stood up unsteadily, looking quite frightened at the three beings who obviously wanted him dead.

That my friend Ackar is called a hyperspace arsnel commonly found in video games or sci fi movies where it all goes nobody knows.

“I never liked that show,” said Mata Nui thoughtfully.

Hey Friends was good, I think.Hopefully it won't be too much like the unreleased fifth movie. Mind if I make a suggestion, I read on Greg's blog that the Skrall was from the southern region. You could make this region like actually south after the Civil Wrar (that's how I like to say it) "The Southern Region will rise again!" full of old Ice tribe soliders who aren't pleased with how the war turned out. One thing I'm looking forward to is the Biomechanical dinosaur scene which will be entertaining to me, because if the fifth movie did come out and I saw this here is what I'd be like:First I'd be like: :) "Yeah dinosaurs awesome."Then I'd be like: http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/sarcastic.gif "It's official, Bionicle has jumped the shark."Anyway can't wait for more.

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#3 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 10:00 AM

Thanks for the review, muharax :) . Really appreciate it.

Hopefully it won't be too much like the unreleased fifth movie. Mind if I make a suggestion, I read on Greg's blog that the Skrall was from the southern region. You could make this region like actually south after the Civil Wrar (that's how I like to say it) "The Southern Region will rise again!" full of old Ice tribe soliders who aren't pleased with how the war turned out. One thing I'm looking forward to is the Biomechanical dinosaur scene which will be entertaining to me, because if the fifth movie did come out and I saw this here is what I'd be like:

1) In comparison to TLReloaded, TLE follows the fifth movie's story almost to a tee. However, I do make several major and minor deviations from the story (TLE's ending, for instance, is very different from the fifth movie's ending. See point three below).2) Don't think I'll be able to fit that into this comedy, but maybe for The Legend Imploded. Could be genius if done right.3) Don't have much to say about this except, again, that TLE's ending is different from the fifth movie's official ending. What appeared in the fifth movie's ending might not appear at all in TLE's ending, although that's not to say the ending of TLE is worse than the ending of the fifth movie. It's just different in the way TLE is different from BIONICLE 5. That's all.-TNTOS-

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"If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all." -Michelangelo

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Updated 07/28/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#4 Online Sundowner

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Posted Feb 23 2012 - 06:59 PM

Thanks for the review, muharax :) . Really appreciate it.

Hopefully it won't be too much like the unreleased fifth movie. Mind if I make a suggestion, I read on Greg's blog that the Skrall was from the southern region. You could make this region like actually south after the Civil Wrar (that's how I like to say it) "The Southern Region will rise again!" full of old Ice tribe soliders who aren't pleased with how the war turned out. One thing I'm looking forward to is the Biomechanical dinosaur scene which will be entertaining to me, because if the fifth movie did come out and I saw this here is what I'd be like:

1) In comparison to TLReloaded, TLE follows the fifth movie's story almost to a tee. However, I do make several major and minor deviations from the story (TLE's ending, for instance, is very different from the fifth movie's ending. See point three below).2) Don't think I'll be able to fit that into this comedy, but maybe for The Legend Imploded. Could be genius if done right.3) Don't have much to say about this except, again, that TLE's ending is different from the fifth movie's official ending. What appeared in the fifth movie's ending might not appear at all in TLE's ending, although that's not to say the ending of TLE is worse than the ending of the fifth movie. It's just different in the way TLE is different from BIONICLE 5. That's all.-TNTOS-

What! Mata Nui isn't going to be the snot out of the dinosaurs! Ah well I'm not complaining. BTW maybe when Mata Nui abliterates the skrall he'll kill their new friend skrall or hospitalize I should say.

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#5 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Feb 24 2012 - 02:14 PM

Thanks for the review, muharax :) . Really appreciate it.

Hopefully it won't be too much like the unreleased fifth movie. Mind if I make a suggestion, I read on Greg's blog that the Skrall was from the southern region. You could make this region like actually south after the Civil Wrar (that's how I like to say it) "The Southern Region will rise again!" full of old Ice tribe soliders who aren't pleased with how the war turned out. One thing I'm looking forward to is the Biomechanical dinosaur scene which will be entertaining to me, because if the fifth movie did come out and I saw this here is what I'd be like:

1) In comparison to TLReloaded, TLE follows the fifth movie's story almost to a tee. However, I do make several major and minor deviations from the story (TLE's ending, for instance, is very different from the fifth movie's ending. See point three below).2) Don't think I'll be able to fit that into this comedy, but maybe for The Legend Imploded. Could be genius if done right.3) Don't have much to say about this except, again, that TLE's ending is different from the fifth movie's official ending. What appeared in the fifth movie's ending might not appear at all in TLE's ending, although that's not to say the ending of TLE is worse than the ending of the fifth movie. It's just different in the way TLE is different from BIONICLE 5. That's all.-TNTOS-

What! Mata Nui isn't going to be the snot out of the dinosaurs! Ah well I'm not complaining. BTW maybe when Mata Nui abliterates the skrall he'll kill their new friend skrall or hospitalize I should say.

Well, I might be able to throw something in the end about the dinosaurs (because dinosaurs are awesome). We'll see :) .Also Mata Nui isn't heading out to destroy the Skrall in this comedy. He already did that in the last one. No need repeat himself.-TNTOS-

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#6 Offline ManiacToaLaco

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Posted Feb 27 2012 - 07:20 PM

Well, I just stumbled on perhaps one of the most well written and awesome Spoofs I've ever read (and I've read alot of spoofs). As soon as I read -resident gun-toting butt kicker- I knew I had found a genius comedy. That one sentence was enough to make me fall in love with it, in fact. The rest only secured the fact. Add to that my love of Noodle incidents, which you have aplenty, you have yourself a reader good sir.If you make Mata Nui ride a dinosaur around and shoot things, I will give you my first born child undying loyalty in everything you do.

“Eh, you need a name,” said Ackar, folding his arms. “So I think I’ll call you Bucket-Head.”“I will carry the name with honor,” said the Skrall, bowing low. “Even though it is completely against what I have been taught my whole life, I shall not throttle you for disrespecting my culture and turning me against my people by giving me a name.”“Heh, Bucket-Head,” said Mata Nui. “It’s funny.”

Perhaps one of the greatest things I've ever read right there. T'was funny.MTL

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#7 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 03:34 PM

@ManiacToaLaco: Thanks for the compliments :) . Glad you like it.So it's Wednesday, which means another chapter. So here it is:

Chapter II: The Attack

Subtitle: Mata Nui and friends take on an entire army of monsters

Skipping merrily along, Mata Nui, Kiina, and Ackar sung happy songs while Bucket-head the Skrall limped along behind them. Bucket-head limped because they had sent him to walk through a minefield they had come across shortly after leaving the jungle; needless to say, Bucket-head got badly injured. No one cared, though, which made Bucket-head wonder if joining them was as smart a move as he'd thought it would be.These fools obviously do not care for my life, Bucket-head thought. I could just drop dead right now and they wouldn’t even notice, I bet. But it is all part of the plan . . . yes, it is, the plan that will result in the deaths of these morons.But that little bit of foreshadowing was interrupted when Mata Nui immediately stopped. So did Kiina, Ackar, and Bucket-head, who looked at Mata Nui’s tense face (although how that was possible when they were standing behind Mata Nui . . . whatever).“What’s the problem, Mata Nui?” asked Kiina.“I sense danger,” Mata Nui replied. “My main character senses are tingling!”“You’re not Spider-Man,” Ackar said. “But I agree. I sense danger as well.”Without warning, all of the trees, rocks, even some animals transformed into what looked like little midget Bohrok wannabees. All of the shape-shifters were armed to the teeth with razor sharp blades and guns (yes, razor sharp guns. So?). Individually, they did not appear to be a threat, but together they comprised a formidable force.“An ambush two chapters in?” said Mata Nui, sounding impressed. “Maybe this comedy really will be better than the last one.”“I hope so,” Ackar grumbled as he drew his sword. The very act of drawing his sword was so awesome that a thousand of the shape-shifters asplooded into billions of pieces. “The ninja arc was so stupid.”“I liked it,” said Kiina as she also unsheathed her trident. “I actually got to do things in that arc, rather than just being the damsel in distress.”“Um, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Bucket-head. His gun and shield were already out, but he didn’t look like he wanted to fight. “But I’m not the biggest fan of these things. So maybe I can just-““Running is not an option,” Mata Nui answered. “Neither is flying or digging. The clouds, if you will look closely, are also shape-shifters. And I’ll be darned if there aren’t some shape-shifters hiding underneath our feet at this very moment, ready to get us if we try to escape.”“So what do we do?” asked Bucket-head. “We’re outnumbered and outgunned. We’re probably going to die.”“We’ve faced worse,” Mata Nui replied. “And besides, I have a secret weapon. Click! Transform!”Mata Nui’s little bug friend – which had been sitting on his shoulder not existing, since it wasn’t that important to the plot – leapt into the air and, with a flash of light and an awesome guitar solo, transformed into a long, dangerous-looking rifle. Mata Nui caught it as it fell and with one hand shot a shape-shifter. The shape-shifter exploded into a vortex of swirly colors and textures, which sucked in the billion or so shape-shifters that had been standing next to it.“This is my secret weapon,” said Mata Nui, holding his gun high. “The 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle, the strongest weapon in the universe!”Bucket-head just stared dumbfounded at the spot where the colorful vortex had absorbed the shape-shifters. “Does . . . does it do that all the time?”“Depends on the situation,” Mata Nui answered. “Anyway, Kiina, Ackar, Bucket-head, let’s kick some butt!”-The party of four had separated as soon as Mata Nui’s words left his mouth. Ackar was surrounded by at least one hundred thousand shape-shifters. As one, they all them aimed their guns at him and fired. The sheer force of their collective bullets combined to create a Horseman of the Apocalypse that rode in on a horse made of smoke and fire, leading the army of bullets into battle against Ackar.Ackar was prepared for this, however. Calculating it to the last minute, Ackar spun around and deflected every single one of the 100,000 bullets back at their attackers with his sword. Each shape-shifter exploded as the bullets hit them, not because the bullets hit the right areas but because everything blows up in this comedy.But the Horseman of the Apocalypse still existed and let out an ear-piercing cry as his creators fell. Ackar didn’t like horses, however, and charged at the Horseman.As Ackar ran, it turned out his sword was also a shape-shifter. An ordinary being would have dropped the shape-shifter in shock, but Ackar used this to his advantage. He channeled his fire powers through the shape-shifter and slammed it into the Horseman. The resulting explosion was so powerful that it sent Ackar flying back, but he managed to land expertly on his feet as the Horseman’s essence returned to the Void.“Smoke that, [censored],” Ackar said, as another army of shape-shifters reappeared. “Oh, great. Guess I’ve still got some more butts to kick.”-Meanwhile, Kiina was busily fighting a hundred shape-shifters at once. They were trying to slash, stab, and cut her, but Kiina easily deflected their attacks with her trident. Exactly how that was possible when her trident was not that long and there were so many of them were attacking at the same time . . . eh, not worth worrying about.Kiina got bored of these guys, though, and jumped backwards out of the range of their weapons. Before they could do anything, Kiina started spinning her trident so fast that it created a hurricane around her.Hurricane Kiina went through the shape-shifters, which were trying to run away but failing miserably. All of them were sucked into the hurricane and broken into trillions of pieces by the sheer force of the wind and power. Any that landed in the eye of the storm were instantly dispatched by Kiina, for the eye of the storm, in this case, was actually a lot more dangerous than the rest of it.Kiina immediately stopped the hurricane and the countless bits and pieces of the shape-shifters fell to the ground. Just as Kiina was congratulating herself on an easy victory, the bits and pieces of the shape-shifters fused together and turned into what looked like a giant version of the shape-shifters.“Who the heck are you?” asked Kiina.“I am Shapeshiftias!” the giant boomed, causing a mountain on the other side of the planet to explode. “And I shall shape-shift you!”The giant lumbered towards her, but Kiina thought the shape-shifters must be really stupid if they thought they were going to kill her.After all, they’ve just given me a bigger target, Kiina thought with an evil grin.She jumped up into the air and unleashed a volley of punches and kicks onto Shapeshiftias. The giant stumbled backwards from the sheer force of the blows, until eventually it shattered into billions of pieces. To prevent them from reforming, Kiina gathered up all of the pieces and shot them into the sun, thus incinerating them forever.“There,” said Kiina, wiping her hands together. “That’s what you get for messing with the main character’s girlfriend!”-If Ackar and Kiina were having an easy time with their foes, Mata Nui wasn’t even trying. With his 40kMGA, he just kept blasting any shape-shifter that got near him. The only problem was that there seemed to be more shape-shifters attacking him than there were attacking the others, but this didn’t bother Mata Nui at all. He considered this a problem for the shape-shifters, not for himself.One shape-shifter tried to sneak up on him, which was a deadly mistake, for Mata Nui whirled around, grabbed the shape-shifter, and stuffed it into the barrel of his gun. Mata Nui aimed the 40kMGA at a group of shape-shifters in front of him and blew them into smithereens.A shape-shifter transformed its arm into a huge cannon and fired a cannon ball at Mata Nui. Mata Nui saw it coming out of the corner of his eye and immediately aimed his 40kMGA at the cannon ball. The gun absorbed the projectile and Mata Nui – without even thinking about it – fired the cannon ball back. Except now it was a million times its original strength and when it hit the shape-shifter that had fired it the shape-shifter was blasted into another dimension.“Why don’t you guys ever talk?” said Mata Nui as he ripped the head off one of the shape-shifters. “Seriously, it’s hard to come up with witty banter when you don’t have anyone to talk to. Know what I mean?”Mata Nui threw the shape-shifter’s severed head into the air and then hit it like a baseball, using his gun as a baseball bat. The shape-shifter’s head flew through the chests of a long line of shape-shifters who had been conveniently (and stupidly) standing in one line. This caused a massive explosion that would have ripped a hole in reality – thus destroying all of existence – had Mata Nui not seized the explosion and stuffed it into his gun, thus making his gun strong enough to destroy an entire universe. Not that it couldn’t do that before; it’s just that it could do that even better now.Then the shape-shifter’s severed head shape-shifted into a shape-shifter, which tried to fight Mata Nui. But Mata Nui saw this coming and punched it, causing it to pop like a balloon.Just then, the ground underneath Mata Nui transformed into a whole army of shape-shifters. But Mata Nui – who had been expecting something like that – stomped hard on the ground and said, “You turn back into the ground right this instance, young men, or I will ground you!”This hurt the shape-shifters’ feelings, for all shape-shifters have the mindset of young children. So they transformed back into the ground, lost all individuality and consciousness, and stayed the ground forever. Quite a scary fate, but they deserved it for disobeying their dad, er, I mean, Mata Nui.Mata Nui looked around. All of the shape-shifters had either fled or were killed. Mata Nui saw Kiina and Ackar walking over to him. A barely living shape-shifter grabbed Ackar’s ankle, but Ackar shook his leg and the shape-shifter exploded.“So, that’s that,” said Mata Nui. “How was your time?”“Eh, kind of boring,” said Ackar. “I’ve seen worse.”“Yeah, really unexciting,” said Kiina, nodding. “I mean, seriously, they didn’t put up a fight at all. Well, there was Shapeshiftias, but . . .”“Hey, where’d Bucket-head go?” said Mata Nui, looking around. He added hopefully, “You don’t think he was killed, do you?”But to Mata Nui’s disappointment, Bucket-head reappeared. He didn’t look like he’d been fighting, much to Mata Nui’s annoyance.“Where were you?” Kiina demanded, poking the Skrall in the chest with her trident. “You’re supposed to be our meat shie- I mean, friend.”“Oh, um, I was hiding,” said Bucket-head. “I just thought you guys had it all covered, so-““So you hid like a coward,” Ackar said, spitting on Bucket-head’s feet. “Dishonorable. Your Skrall friends didn’t run from us. They ran to their deaths like lambs to the slaughter!”“My people were stupid,” Bucket-head replied. “Anyway, I know what those shape-shifter things were. I’ve seen them before.”“Oh, really?” said Mata Nui. He turned to Kiina and Ackar and said, “Hey, guys, Bucket-head here says he’s seen these things before. He knows what they are. Isn’t that interesting?”“Why are you so condescending?” said Bucket-head, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “I just want to help.”“I’m not condescending,” said Mata Nui, his voice literally dripping with sarcasm. “Right, guys?”“Actually, you are,” said Ackar. “But Bucket-head deserves it.”“Look, do you want to know what those things are or not?” said Bucket-head, frustrated. “They’re called baterra.”“Bat Terra?” repeated Ackar. “What is a Bat Terra?”“I have a feeling it is related to the Key to Nongu,” said Mata Nui.“No,” said Bucket-head, shaking his head. “It is baterra, not Bat Terra. They work for Dah Element Lords. They are their shape-shifting minions, kind of like how we Skrall were minions of the Tuma. You guys are after Dah Element Lords, right?”“Maybe,” said Mata Nui.“They’re probably trying to kill you, then,” said Bucket-head. “See, this place used to be the Skralls’ turf until Dah Element Lords drove us out. That’s why we moved down south; Dah Element Lords were just too strong for us.”“Not surprising,” said Ackar with a cruel laugh. “You guys are lame.”Bucket-head threw Ackar an irritated glare, and then said to Mata Nui, “Do you guys even know where Dah Element Lords’ base is?”“Sure,” said Mata Nui. He looked around for a minute, clearly confused, then pointed in a random direction and said, “There. It’s over there.”“You don’t know, do you?” said Bucket-head dully.“Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you tell us?” said Mata Nui, pouting like a spoiled child.Bucket-head sighed and said, “Dah Element Lords are at the Great Volcano Night Club. It’s their headquarters.”“A night club? Is that appropriate for BZPower?” asked Kiina.“It will probably be heavily watered down to make this comedy child appropriate,” said Mata Nui. “Not that it matters, though. Now that I have discovered the location of Dah Element Lords’ hideout-““Hey, I was the one who told you about it,” Bucket-head protested.Mata Nui patted Bucket-head on the shoulder and said, “That’s nice. Anyway, now that I have discovered the location of Dah Element Lords’ hideout, I think we should head there, should we not?”“If we’re going to save Gresh and Berix, then we have no choice,” said Ackar. “That’s what we were going to do anyway, wasn’t it?”“I think so, though I’m not sure,” said Mata Nui with a shrug. “Now let us go forth to the Great Volcano Night Club and save our friends!”Mata Nui began marching ahead of them, with every intention of reaching the Great Volcano Night Club and defeating Dah Element Lords.Bucket-head watched him go for a moment, then called, “Hey, do you even know where the Great Volcano Night Club is?”Mata Nui stopped and turned around. “It’s this way, right?”“Surprisingly, yes,” said Bucket-head. “That’s the direction we need to-“Ackar shoved past him, pushing Bucket-head to the ground as he went to join Mata Nui. Kiina kicked the fallen Bucket-head in the side as she walked past him to join Mata Nui.“Hey, Bucket-head!” said Mata Nui to the fallen Skrall, who was sitting up now. “What’re you playing in the mud for? We’ve got somewhere to go, you know!”“But I-“ said Bucket-head.Ackar sighed loudly and obnoxiously. “Skrall . . . so irresponsible.”Kiina nodded. “Know what you mean. They never brought me any food when they held me hostage. It helped my figure, of course, but it still wasn’t pleasant.”“Well, Bucket-head, at least try to keep up with us,” said Mata Nui as he turned around. “Otherwise we’ll be forced to leave you behind, and we all know how much of a tragedy that would be.”So Mata Nui, Ackar, and Kiina started walking again. Bucket-head scrambled to his feet and went after them, although he kept a safe distance behind them as he followed. All the while, Bucket-head thought one thing:These guys are the meanest people I’ve ever met in my whole life.Commentary:As with the last comedy, I will occasionally do end-of-the-chapter commentary. Usually I try to explain any pop culture reference that may reference something obscure or at least isn't widely known, although sometimes I post random comments on certain events in the chapter just for fun.

“Who the heck are you?” asked Kiina.“I am Shapeshiftias!” the giant boomed, causing a mountain on the other side of the planet to explode. “And I shall shape-shift you!”

This is a reference to TLReloaded, in which a tornado entity named Tornadias attacked Mata Nui and friends. As a general rule, if you see the suffix "-ias" at the end of a character's name in this comedy, it usually means they're an entity and have the most unoriginal name ever.-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Mar 01 2012 - 01:20 PM.

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#8 Online Sundowner

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Posted Feb 29 2012 - 09:13 PM

I'm back (and still behind as usual) anyway I wanted to point out:

Mata Nui’s little bug friend – which had been sitting on his shoulder not existing, since it wasn’t that important to the pot

I know this comedy oozes with comedic awesome but how come Mata Nui didn't notice that.Back to my review, I can say this is going to be very interesting. The Key to Nongu joke was funny, also I can't believe Ackar would use such a strong swear. Looking back at the Legend Reloaded, Mata Nui did say he would kill Bucket head last does that mean after he hospitalizes Dah Element Lords he will kill him?Sorry it's short hopefully I can have a longer review next time.

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#9 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 01 2012 - 01:22 PM

I'm back (and still behind as usual) anyway I wanted to point out:

Mata Nui’s little bug friend – which had been sitting on his shoulder not existing, since it wasn’t that important to the pot

I know this comedy oozes with comedic awesome but how come Mata Nui didn't notice that.Back to my review, I can say this is going to be very interesting. The Key to Nongu joke was funny, also I can't believe Ackar would use such a strong swear. Looking back at the Legend Reloaded, Mata Nui did say he would kill Bucket head last does that mean after he hospitalizes Dah Element Lords he will kill him?Sorry it's short hopefully I can have a longer review next time.

Quoted part: Duly noted and fixed (it was a typo).As for when Mata Nui will kill Bucket-head . . . eh, don't worry about it. It's not that important.-TNTOS-

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#10 Offline hervanax

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Posted Mar 06 2012 - 03:47 PM

well i forget to check bzpower for a few months and look what happendsnow to my reviewswhich is important for you to know because if you didn’t you would assume she is male due to the lack of female characters in BIONICLEthere is expesuly a lack of blue females in bionicle“You’re an old man,” said Mata Nui. “Old peoples’ opinions don’t count.”this comidy isnt sexist its just elderistI would make some comment about racism and intolerance, but I have a feeling that would stray into religion and politics, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut.so since you menchened that...well i can realy see the simlaritys between this and the planed moviechapter 2 review (i rhymed)“Depends on the situation,” Mata Nui answered.aka depends on how lazy the author isbut because everything blows up in this comedy.well that explains the titleHurricane Kiinathat actually sounds like a perfect name for a hurricane (more rhymes)Kiina nodded. “Know what you mean. They never brought me any food when they held me hostage. It helped my figure, of course, but it still wasn’t pleasant.”well that wasent stereotypical of females at all

Edited by hervanax, Mar 06 2012 - 04:04 PM.

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#11 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 07 2012 - 10:05 AM

@herv: Great to see you again. I wondered what you were up to, since I haven't seen you in a while.Now onto this week's chapter:

Chapter III: Another Ambush

Chapter Subtitle: Burritos!

The further north our heroes journeyed, the stranger their environment became. At one point it was a jungle; now it had become a forest of icy trees. Or something. I don’t know. The geography’s really wack in this comedy, so just go with it.“These aren’t more Bat Terra, are they?” said Mata Nui, peering at the tree unconcernedly.Bucket-head kicked a tree, which groaned, and he said, “Nope. Just a talking tree.”“Good,” said Ackar. “But I hate talking trees, so . . .”Ackar snapped his fingers and the tree exploded. But the tree’s debris exploded again in midair, transforming into an army of demons carrying flaming whips. The demons surrounded Mata Nui and the gang immediately, hissing and snapping at the heroes with their beaks.“Demons? Didn’t we fight these things in the last story?” said Ackar, bored.“Um, if you’ll excuse me,” said Bucket-head, inching away from the group. “I have somewhere else to-““Oh, no you don’t,” said Mata Nui, grabbing Bucket-head before he could escape. “You’re going to fight and you’re going to get yourself killed or I will kill you. Got it?”“Um, yes,” said Bucket-head, who looked around at all of the demons. “I may not need to try to get killed, though, considering how violent and evil these things look . . .”“That’s the spirit,” said Mata Nui, patting Bucket-head on the back. He hefted his 40kMGA and said, “Now let us fight! And don’t let Bucket-head sneak, off, either. That goes for you, too,” he added, addressing the demons. “You see this Skrall try to run away, stop him, okay?”“Of course,” said one of the demons, who didn’t seem to understand the concept of dental hygiene based on his fungus-covered teeth. “We know his kind. We are the servants of Dah Element Lord of Fire, Slacuvun!”“Figures,” said Mata Nui. “Dah Element Lords will do whatever they can to stop us, including recruiting the forces of the underworld. Well, time to show them that nothing can stop me in my mad quest to kill everything!”“And save your friends, right?” said Bucket-head.“And save Gresh and Berix, yeah,” said Mata Nui. His casual tone frightened Bucket-head quite a bit, “maybe if we have the time. Anyway, let the fight begin! Charge!”-As predicted, Bucket-head tried to run away as soon as the battle started, but he was ambushed by at least a hundred demons. Considering Bucket-head’s cowardly nature, one would think the demons would slaughter him and move on to help their allies kill Mata Nui, Ackar, and Kiina. The demons clearly thought that as they wrapped their whips around Bucket-head’s body, burning his armor and skin so badly that he nearly cried out.Nearly cried out, that is. Holding in his pain, Bucket-head whirled around in a circle so faster that he became something like a tornado. The demons – whose whips were connected to their hands for some dumb reason – went spinning around and around Bucket-head like planets orbiting the sun.Somehow Bucket-head managed to get himself untangled from their burning whips, but still held onto them with one hand. And, spinning around one last time, Bucket-head launched the whirling demons into space. They crashed through several planets before being absorbed into a black hole, which exploded, thus creating a new universe, but that wasn’t important at the moment. What was important was that the other nearby demons looked at Bucket-head with fear.“That is what you get for messing with the Skrall!” said Bucket-head, raising his gun over his head, Tuskan raider-style. “Anyone else want some?”-One stupid demon tried to hit Kiina with its whip, but she just grabbed it and pulled the demon forward. She then punched the demon so hard in the face that its whole body disintegrated. It tried to reform, but Kiina grabbed its participles and hurled it into the Void, where it kept dying and reforming in an endless cycle of death and rebirth.A billion other demons appeared, but Kiina wasn’t impressed. She slammed her hands together so hard she created a sonic boom, causing several demons to go boom as a result. The rest of them permanently lost their hearing forever, so they did not hear Kiina as she tore through them with relentless viciousness and cruelty.Meanwhile, Ackar had been whipped by the flaming whips so many times that any normal person should have been nothing but a burnt potato chip by now. Yet if anything, Ackar appeared even stronger than normal, for with one slash of his sword he cut through one of the gigantic trees and caused it to fall over and crush millions of demons unwise enough to be standing in its shadow.“Want to know why I’m immune to your fire, eh? Do you?” said Ackar, grabbing a fiery demon and holding it up to his face. “Do you?”The demon didn’t say anything; it just looked uncomfortable at Acker spitting in its face.“It’s because I can control fire!” Ackar screamed, hurling the demon at a group of demons nearby who had been carefully keeping their distance. “That’s why!”The demon collided with its allies, which created a massive explosion that set fire to all of the trees in the area. The demons were now trapped in the fire with Ackar, who now began glowing with the brightness of a thousand billion suns shining at their brightest. The energy radiating off of him was so powerful that most of the demons actually melted, even though they were on fire themselves. The smarter ones tried to escape, but chains of fire flew out of the barrier of flames created by Ackar, capturing them and causing them intense pain.“You may be servants of Dah Element Lord of Fire, but contrary to popular belief, you cannot beat fire with fire!” said Ackar as he went around destroying demons. “Fire only strengthens fire, making it even stronger than before! Mwhahahaha, power, power, unlimited power!”While Ackar gleefully slaughtered billions of demons, Mata Nui had climbed on top of one of the frozen trees. This was to escape the trillions of demons that were coming after him; evidently, they thought he was the bigger threat. Which was perfectly true, of course.“Hmm,” said Mata Nui, peering over the edge of the top of the tree, watching the demons climbing over each other to get to him. “One against several trillion; those odds would be bad if I wasn’t Mata ‘Butt-kicking’ Nui.”So Mata Nui aimed his gun at the center of the tree and fired. This blasted open a hole, allowing him to fall into the tree’s hollow immediately.The demons, sensing victory, climbed up to the top of the tree and fell in. They kept falling in until the entire tree was filled with every single demon that had been attempting to kill Mata Nui. The only problem: Mata Nui was not in there.Outside, Mata Nui had escaped through a plot hole. Now that all of the demons were in one place, Mata Nui stomped on the ground, opening a hole to the underworld. In fact, this particular hole showed Hades sitting reading a Marvel comic book which featured a red, demonic-looking being on the cover.“Hades!” Mata Nui shouted, causing Hades to start and look up at him. “Special delivery!”Mata Nui pulled out his trusty lumberjack axe and immediately began cutting at the tree’s base. Within a few microseconds, the tree fell into the hole, causing Hades to scream as trillions of demons spilled into his castle. Mata Nui quickly closed the rift, but half of the tree still stuck out.“There,” said Mata Nui.A lone demon was sneaking up on Mata Nui. It retracted its claws and lunged at our hero, but at that exact moment the planets aligned. Because this was such an unprecedented moment in the history of the universe, the sun’s power was increased tenfold and for an instant the sun gained sapience.It saw the demon lunging at Mata Nui and declared, “No, thou shalt not killeth this hero! Die, ye foul demon!”The sun unleashed a concentrated beam of sunlight that struck the demon. The demon, being a creature of darkness, was incapable of handling such pure light and it exploded. Then the planets went back to their usual positions and the sun lost its sapience. But its heroic deed shall never be forgotten . . . maybe.Mata Nui turned around and said, “Huh? Who’s there?”He looked around for a moment, then glanced at the ground and gasped. “Ooo! A shiny new penny!”Mata Nui bent over and picked up the penny. It was so shiny that it reflected the sun’s rays into a concentrated beam of energy, which cut through several of the icy trees, felling them instantly.“I have a feeling we did this joke before,” said Mata Nui as he pocketed the penny. “It’s like déjà vu all over again.”Just then, Ackar, Kiina, and Bucket-head approached him. As usual, they didn’t have any scratches on them whatsoever and, again, appeared stronger than before. Mata Nui wondered why he even noted that when it was an established fact by now that, if you were one of the main characters, you never get hurt in big epic battles like these.“So what next?” said Mata Nui.Kiina looked around and gasped. “Guys, I don’t think the demons were trying to kill or capture us. Look at the trees.”The other three looked around the area and saw that almost all of the paths had been blocked by the trees.“Oh, no!” said Mata Nui, his hands flying to his head in horror. “We’re boxed in like, um, chocolate in a box of chocolates!”“But look,” said Ackar, pointing north. “The northern path is open. They must want us to go that way for some reason.”“The Great Volcano Night Club is located north,” said Bucket-head. “They must be trying to herd us there. Most likely Dah Element Lords want to kill us themselves, hence why they blocked off all of the paths but one.”“If that’s true,” said Mata Nui, “then why don’t they just come here and kill us themselves?”“Mata Nui, you should know by now that bad guys aren’t that smart,” Ackar chided. “Remember the Tuma? He never came after us. He waited until we came to his place. Lazy bum.”“The mighty Tuma was not a lazy bum,” said Bucket-head, folding his arms. “He kidnapped Kiina, after all, didn’t he? A lazy person can’t do that.”“To be fair, Kiina is a woman,” said Ackar.“What does that mean?” said Kiina, glaring at Ackar.“Um, nothing,” said Ackar, avoiding Kiina’s stern gaze.“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” said Mata Nui, pointing at the open path. “Whether Dah Element Lords are stupid or smart does not matter. What matters is that they have essentially opened their front door to us, which makes them stupid.”“I thought you said-“ said Bucket-head.“Onward!” Mata Nui shouted, pulling a sword out of nowhere and pointing it ahead. “Onward, my friends, to kick some more butt!”So Mata Nui and friends went up the only open path, unaware that they were being watched by something in the shadows. This something went to go report to its masters, but tripped on the ice and fell headfirst down the cliff and died.But our heroes didn’t notice that, for the deaths of nameless characters didn’t matter to them. The only thing that mattered to them was kicking Dah Element Lords’ butts . . . and saving Gresh and Berix, too, if they had the time.Commentary:

“Hmm,” said Mata Nui, peering over the edge of the top of the tree, watching the demons climbing over each other to get to him. “One against several trillion; those odds would be bad if I wasn’t Mata ‘Butt-kicking’ Nui.”

BTW his nickname isn't "Butt-kicking." He just made that up now.

Outside, Mata Nui had escaped through a plot hole. Now that all of the demons were in one place, Mata Nui stomped on the ground, opening a hole to the underworld. In fact, this particular hole showed Hades sitting reading a Marvel comic book which featured a red, demonic-looking being on the cover.

The red, demonic being on the cover of the Marvel comic Hades is reading is supposed to be Mephisto, AKA the Devil of the Marvel universe. 'Cause, you see, Hades is obviously the Devil of Greek mytholoy 'cause he rules the Underworld, which makes him evil, so obviously he'd read a comic book about the Devil. I watched Disney's Hercules, so I think I know Greek mythology better than any of those silly scholars who read the myths in the original Greek.-TNTOS-

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#12 Offline hervanax

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Posted Mar 08 2012 - 01:04 PM

ok bzpower better not log me off when i try to review again http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/mad.gifnow to retype everything“Fire only strengthens fire, making it even stronger than before! Mwhahahaha, power, power, unlimited power!"stupid demons to fight fire you have to use water ground or rockbut at that exact moment the planets aligned.i wonder if super planet was there Mata Nui had escaped through a plot hole.i guess Barix isint the only one who can use plot holes cant wait ontil next weak

Edited by hervanax, Mar 08 2012 - 01:04 PM.

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#13 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 14 2012 - 09:10 AM

ok bzpower better not log me off when i try to review again http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/mad.gifnow to retype everything“Fire only strengthens fire, making it even stronger than before! Mwhahahaha, power, power, unlimited power!"stupid demons to fight fire you have to use water ground or rockbut at that exact moment the planets aligned.i wonder if super planet was thereMata Nui had escaped through a plot hole.i guess Barix isint the only one who can use plot holescant wait ontil next weak

1) The fire demons never played Pokemon, so they can't be expected to know that2) Naw. Super Planet is off fighting evil, remember?3) Everyone can use plot holes in this comedy. It's just that Mata Nui and Berix are the only ones who acknowledge it.So it's another windy Wednesday, which means it's time for a new chapter:

Chapter IV: An Epic Confrontation

Subtitle: In which Mata Nui gets a pretense of character development

“You know,” said Kiina as they walked, “it seems kind of stupid to walk straight into what is probably a trap. We can’t go back, but I’m not the biggest fan of going forward, either.”Mata Nui stopped and said to her, “Stay here, then! I didn’t ask you to come!”This outburst from Mata Nui shocked everyone into silence. No one had ever heard Mata Nui shout angrily at his friends before. The only people he shouted at were the people he was about to kill, but they knew Mata Nui would never kill Kiina . . . at least not intentionally, anyway.“What’s your problem?” said Kiina, rounding on Mata Nui.“Oh, um, sorry,” said Mata Nui, scratching the back of his head. “I dunno, but the closer we get to the Great Volcano Night Club, the weirder I feel. It’s almost like going through adolescence again, except minus the zits and drama.”“I don’t know about the zits, but you’re wrong about the drama,” said Kiina, turning away from Mata Nui. “If that’s how you’re going to treat me, well, then I don’t even want to look at you!”“And if that’s how you’re going to treat me, then I don’t want to look at you!” said Mata Nui, turning away from her. “Your sister was always prettier than you anyway.”“I don’t have a sister,” said Kiina, still not looking at Mata Nui.“Well, if you did, she’d be prettier than you!” said Mata Nui, now pouting like a little child. “So there.”Bucket-head just watched the proceedings with a puzzled expression. Then he asked Ackar, “Um, do they normally do this?”“No,” said Ackar, shaking his head. “Most of the time they get along pretty well. Reminds me of my younger days, before texting and music downloads and Justin Bieber and all of these other things that all teens are crazy about. I once had a girlfriend when I was a teenager, but we broke up when she complained about my afro.”“You had a afro?” said Bucket-head, trying hard to imagine Ackar with an afro. He regretted it immediately, however, for it was a rather frightening mental picture.“Yep,” said Ackar, nodding. “But it was a wig, you see, ‘cause BIONICLE characters generally don’t have hair. It was a good wig, though, but after the seventies I sold it. Dunno where it is now, but I do miss it now that I think about it.”“So, should we do something about this?” said Bucket-head, gesturing at Kiina and Mata Nui, both of whom were still not looking at each other. “It might affect our progress if they stay angry at each other like this.”“You mean should you do something about this,” said Ackar, pointing at Bucket-head. “Me, I’m too old for teenage drama. You know how teenagers are; don’t listen to their elders and when they do they never do it right. Why, back in my day . . .”The rest of the trip was like this. Ackar kept reminiscing about his younger days, while Kiina and Mata Nui either snapped at or ignored each other. The only good thing about this was that no one was acting condescending toward Bucket-head, although he wondered if a high price had been paid for this peace. If Mata Nui and Kiina tried to fight each other, Bucket-head had no doubt they’d destroy the entire world, maybe even the whole universe if they got angry enough. And the destruction of the world would totally derail Bucket-head’s plans, so he had to get them to like each other again.I never thought I'd be trying to reconcile two Glatorian, Bucket-head thought. Nor did I think this comedy would become a romantic comedy, either, but I guess that’s what happens when the author is inconsistent with his genres. Time to get to work.-Bucket-head’s plan was perfect. Simply volunteer to scout ahead for any ambushes, find the ambushers, and then convince the ambushers that he, Bucket-head, was a traitor, and tell the ambushers to attack Mata Nui and Kiina specifically. That way the two would be forced to defend each other and would fall in love again and the world would be safe and Bucket-head's plan would not be derailed and I like to use the word 'and' a lot, if you couldn't tell.“Hey,” said Bucket-head as the group walked. “Considering we’ve been ambushed twice already, I think it would be wise if I went up ahead and scouted for any possible ambushes. Knowing Dah Element Lords, they have probably-““Shut up, Bucket-head,” Mata Nui snapped. “Or I’ll rip your face off and staple it back onto your skull backwards.”“Well, I’m going up ahead anyway,” said Bucket-head, who knew that Mata Nui was not bluffing. “And if I get killed . . .”“Don’t worry,” said Ackar with a smile. “We won’t miss you.”These guys really do hate me, Bucket-head thought as he ran ahead of the others.No matter how hard Bucket-head searched, there did not appear to be any ambushes waiting for his party. He kicked at rocks, slashed trees, and even sang a horribly off-key version of ‘The Final Countdown,’ but to no avail. All of the inanimate objects he saw appeared to be just normal rocks and trees and snow. No baterra or demons or anything anywhere.Great, Bucket-head thought. Now how am I supposed to help Mata Nui and Kiina get back together? And it’s funny, isn’t it, how there is never an ambush when you want one?“Actually,” said a rock next to Bucket-head, which had shapeshifted into a baterra and was smoking a fancy pipe, “we were waiting to ambush you and your friends, but when you came looking for us, we decided not to.”“Wait, so you guys are still in the area?” said Bucket-head, who had jumped a dozen feet away from the baterra when it had shapeshifted.“Of course not, my dear, stupid Skrall,” said the baterra, who had a vaguely British accent for some reason. “An ambush just isn’t fun when people expect one, you know.”“But I didn’t intend on telling the others that you guys were here,” said Bucket-head. “And how did you read my mind earlier, anyway?”“It’s not telepathy, my friend, if that is what you are thinking,” the baterra said, smoking his pipe. “It is the psychic power to discern the thoughts of others through a mysterious, unexplained ability.”“So it’s basically telepathy, then.”The baterra laughed condescendingly. “Oh, how stupid you Skrall are! I forgot how dumb you people are. Really, it reminds me of the time my friend Wattsan and I-“The baterra never got to finish its sentence, for Bucket-head had sliced its head off and then hit its head away in a random direction with his sword. His heart heavy, Bucket-head went back up the path, hoping Mata Nui and Kiina weren’t about to destroy the world.-Bucket-head saw an unusual sight when he found his group. Mata Nui, Kiina, and Ackar had stopped and they were talking to each other. Mata Nui was holding something in his hands; upon closer look, Bucket-head saw that it was the head of the baterra he had hit earlier. How it had ended up here when he had hit its head in the opposite direction . . . Bucket-head didn’t question it.“No baterra,” said Bucket-head as he approached them. “Well, there was one who spoke with a British accent, but-““No one cares about what British baterra!” said Mata Nui, his voice so harsh that a nearby tree broke into tears and ran away. “This baterra head had came flying out of nowhere and hit Kiina in the head.”Mata Nui gestured at a small, barely visible bump on Kiina’s head. Bucket-head doubted it hurt, but Kiina acted like she had broken her back she was groaning so loudly.“Oh,” said Bucket-head. “Well, that’s because I hit it.”“You mean you intentionally hit this baterra head, just so it could hit Kiina?” said Ackar in surprise. “I knew you Skrall are scumbags and all, but that’s seriously wrong.”“No, that’s not it,” said Bucket-head, shaking his head. “I didn’t intend to hit Kiina!”“So you intended to hit someone, then!” said Mata Nui, poking Bucket-head in the chest with the barrel of his gun. “Who was your real target? Me? Ackar? Lady Gaga?”“No, that’s not-““There is no need to justify your crimes, Bucket-head!” said Mata Nui, raising his fist. “I knew it was a mistake to let you join us. You’re really evil, trying to kill us all!”“Hold on a minute!” said Bucket-head quickly. “I’m not trying to kill you. It was a mistake-““You’re a mistake!” said Kiina, pointing at Bucket-head accusingly. “Mata Nui, do something about him!”“That I will, Kiina,” said Mata Nui, cracking his knuckles. “That I will.”Without hesitation, Mata Nui punched Bucket-head with both fists. The combined force was enough to cause Bucket-head to breach several hundred thousand dimensions before hitting the ground, dazed by the blow.“There,” said Mata Nui, wiping his hands together. “I think I taught him a lesson in respect.”“Are we gonna kill him?” said Kiina eagerly.“No,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “Not only is he still alive, but he’s one of the main characters of this comedy. We can’t really kill him, but there is nothing that says we can’t beat him to within an inch of his life.”“Eh, I think you already proved your point,” said Ackar. “I mean, I’m all for Skrall beating, but we’ve still got to fight Dah Element Lords and rescue Gresh and Berix.”“Okay,” said Mata Nui with a sigh. “Maybe later we’ll play break the Skrall piñata. How’s that sound?”“Sounds like fun,” said Kiina, nodding eagerly.“As long as the piñata has prunes,” said Ackar.“Okay, then,” said Mata Nui. He then addressed Bucket-head, who still lay on the ground, “Get up, you stupid Skrall. We’re going now, if that’s not too difficult for your stupid mind to understand. Stupid.”Bucket-head hastily got back to his feet and followed them. Mata Nui and Kiina were now holding hands and seemed to be happy with each other again. Bucket-head figured Kiina liked Mata Nui again because he had beaten up him.Wait, Bucket-head thought. ’Because he had beaten up him’ . . . ugh. Someone needs to alter the English language so we wouldn’t get confused like that.On one hand, while Bucket-head was happy that the world was not going to be destroyed, he wondered if he was going to have to get beat up every time Mata Nui and Kiina had an argument from now on. Getting punched through several dimensions had hurt enough, but he did have a plan. If it worked, he would be the one beating up them, not the other way around.Ackar suddenly whirled around and punched Bucket-head in the face.“Ow!” said Bucket-head, putting his hands over the place Ackar had hit. “What the heck was that for?”“Dunno,” said Ackar with a shrug. “Just thought you were feeling happy, so I thought I’d put you in your place.”With that, Ackar turned back around and continued walking. Bucket-head sincerely hoped his plan would work, 'cause if it didn't, he was going to be in a world of pain.Commentry:

The baterra laughed condescendingly. “Oh, how stupid you Skrall are! I forgot how dumb you people are. Really, it reminds me of the time my friend Wattsan and I-“

This baterra is supposed to be a parody of Sherlock Holmes ("Wattsan" = "Watson"). Exactly why . . . eh, I really can't say. Guess I was just feeling a little random.-TNTOS-

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#14 Offline hervanax

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Posted Mar 17 2012 - 01:08 PM

a chapter focusing on bucket-head... i like it “I dunno, but the closer we get to the Great Volcano Night Club, the weirder I feel. It’s almost like going through adolescence again, except minus the zits and drama."ok i remember ackers flames going out of control but was mata nui getting angry from the 5th movie?(seems weird talking about a "5th" movie when it was just a rejected script)texting and music downloads and Justin Bieber and all of these other things that all teens are crazy about.actually i think the Justin Bieber fad is overnow hes just a joke for badly writin storysNor did I think this comedy would become a romantic comedywait i thought this was non-fictionwell i enjoyed this chapterby the wayanyone want to buy an afro?
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#15 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 21 2012 - 09:12 AM

a chapter focusing on bucket-head... i like it“I dunno, but the closer we get to the Great Volcano Night Club, the weirder I feel. It’s almost like going through adolescence again, except minus the zits and drama."ok i remember ackers flames going out of control but was mata nui getting angry from the 5th movie?(seems weird talking about a "5th" movie when it was just a rejected script)texting and music downloads and Justin Bieber and all of these other things that all teens are crazy about.actually i think the Justin Bieber fad is overnow hes just a joke for badly writin storysNor did I think this comedy would become a romantic comedywait i thought this was non-fictionwell i enjoyed this chapterby the wayanyone want to buy an afro?

1) Yes, Mata Nui did get angry in the never-even-made fifth movie2) Bieber's still fairly popular from what I know, but yes, Ackar is a little behind on the times3) It's what you want it to be (I think)4) Oooh, me! I want an afro! How much?With that out of the way, I believe today is Wednesday, which means it's time for a new chapter:

Chapter V: An Epic Challenge

Subtitle: Sort of

Mata Nui and pals soon found themselves at the edge of a mountainous region. In every direction, Mata Nui saw huge mountains whose peaks reached into space. The mountains appeared to be older than the world, older than the universe, although if that was the case Mata Nui wondered where they existed if they were older than the universe.Kansas, Mata Nui decided. That’s where they were before the universe.They saw someone climbing one of the mountains, but then the person accidentally slipped and fell and exploded upon hitting the ground. Not only that, but they saw giant vultures spewing fire and lightning perched in the mountains. They looked so huge that they could have devoured Mata Nui and his friends easily.They won’t get me or my friends while I’m around, though, Mata Nui thought. Although I might let them have Bucket-head. He’s stupid.Right in the center, however, was a volcano that appeared bigger than all of the other mountains combined. A giant neon sign above it read, ‘THE GREAT VOLCANO NIGHT CLUB.’ Mata Nui thought it was stupid that Dah Element Lords would make their base so dang obvious, but he reasoned that they were villains, and most villains were not that smart, which is why they were villains, after all.“That’s the Great Volcano Night Club, eh?” said Mata Nui. “No problem. We can get there.”“But the only path into the mountains is THAT one,” said Bucket-head, pointing ahead.As Bucket-head had said, there was only one path leading into the mountains. It looked long, twisting, and narrow. There was a sheer drop of 1,000,000 feet on either side of the path and at the bottom of the drop were flaming spikes that echoed the cries of the fallen souls that had been claimed by their fiery pointyness. The path looked fragile, like it would break any minute, and it probably would as soon as they stepped on it. Besides that, though, it looked pretty safe.“We’ve seen worse,” said Mata Nui as he led the group up the path, which did not break as soon as they stepped on it. “This will be like a walk in the park.”“Like a walk in the park of the Underworld, that is,” said Bucket-head, nervously glancing over the side of the ravine, which was pretty deep.Just then, the path trembled, almost knocking them off their feet. But they managed to stay steady as a giant fire demon arose from the flaming spikes, roaring in agony as it recalled the pain of the people that had passed through here but had died. It had a wingspan of 1,000,000 feet, with long, curved horns that looked like goat horns. It had no skin; just black bone, which burned with the everlasting fire of the Void. The fire demon’s eyes reflected a lifetime of events, from beyond the beginning of time, space, and even eternity.“What the heck is that?” said Bucket-head, jumping back in horror.“Wait,” said Mata Nui, holding out his hand, for Kiina and Ackar had already drawn their weapons. “This beast obviously requires a human sacrifice before it will allow us to pass.”“But we don’t have any humans,” said Ackar in shock.“Well, I’m sure it’ll take Bucket-head,” said Mata Nui, turning to the Skrall. “You don’t mind being sacrificed to a fire demon god, do you?”“Yes, I do!” said Bucket-head.“I do not require living sacrifices,” the fire demon god boomed. Its voice was so loud that it caused the skull of a nearby giant vulture to explode. “Besides, I would not take Bucket-head even if I did want a sacrifice. He is stupid.”“We know,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “He’s so stupid, in fact-““But I do require sacrifice before I allow mortals to pass this way,” the fire demon god said. “I must ask of you something so precious that to give it up would be like giving up your own life.”“And what is this sacrifice that is like giving up your own life?” said Mata Nui. “Whatever it is, we shall give it to you.”“I require . . . a peanut butter sandwich,” the fire demon god said.“Wait, that’s it?” said Ackar. “I thought you were going to ask us for our memory or something like that.”“What could I do with the memories of a mortal?” said the fire demon god. “Now a peanut butter sandwich, on the other hand, that’s good stuff. I’m hungry. So feed me or else I will feed myself.”“Um, one moment, please,” said Mata Nui. He turned to the others and said, “Group huddle!”Ackar, Kiina, and Bucket-head huddled around Mata Nui, while the fire demon god stood by, looking impatient and hungry.“Do we have any peanut butter sandwiches?” Mata Nui asked Kiina.“No, I didn’t pack any,” said Kiina, shaking her head. “You’re allergic to peanut butter-““I am not,” said Mata Nui. “I just . . . I just don’t like it.”“Uh huh,” said Kiina, who wasn’t convinced. “Well, I didn’t pack any because I knew you ‘didn’t like it.’”“What about you two?” said Mata Nui, addressing Ackar and Bucket-head. “Do either of you have peanut butter sandwiches?”“You know I can’t eat peanut butter,” said Ackar. “It gives me gas.”“Uh, okay,” said Mata Nui. “That is not something we needed to know.”“I do not have any peanut butter, either,” said Bucket-head, shaking his head. “Peanut butter was only ever eaten by the Tuma when I was with the Skrall. It was almost considered sacred; so you see, a minor Skrall like me didn’t get any. I did get to lick off the Tuma’s knife sometimes, though . . . oh that was so good . . . it was like heaven in the form of butter . . .”Mata Nui sighed heavily, then said, “Break!” and the group turned back to face the fire demon god.“So? What will you do?” said the fire demon god. “Will you appease my rumbly, tumbly tummy or will you be rumbling and tumbling inside it?”“We shall give you what you ask,” said Mata Nui as he dug through his pockets, which I guess he has now for some reason. “Here!”Mata Nui had fished out of his pocket a peanut butter sandwich neatly divided into two in a plastic baggy. He tossed the sandwich up to the fire demon god, who grabbed it eagerly.“Wait, you had peanut butter all this time?” said Kiina in shock. “But you told me you didn’t like it!”“Well, that was kind of a lie,” said Mata Nui, not looking at Kiina. “’Cause I really do like peanut butter, but you never let me have any because my body, er, doesn’t like it. So I thought I’d sneak one out of the house and eat it when you weren’t looking.”“I thought I whiffed peanut butter on you,” said Bucket-head. “I just thought it was one of those weird things in this comedy, hence why I didn’t bring it up.”Before Kiina could hit either of them for their stupidity, the fire demon god gulped down the peanut butter sandwich in one bite and declared, “My hunger has been sated! I now give you four travelers the right to go and enter the Maze! Woo hoo!”The fire demon god then exploded.“Erm, why did he explode?” Bucket-head asked.“It’s not important,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “What matters is that the way is clear. Soon, I will kill everyone, mwahaha!”“Er, you mean rescue Berix and Gresh, right?” said Bucket-head.“Save who now?” said Mata Nui.“Never mind,” Bucket-head said, secretly wondering if he had somehow died and gone to that place that isn’t where good people go when they die. “Let’s just keep going.”Mata Nui punched Bucket-head in the face.“Ow! What was that for?” said Bucket-head, rubbing the fist-shaped dent in his helmet.“Only I get to say ‘Let’s just keep going,’” said Mata Nui, folding his arms. “Not you. Now let’s just keep going, guys. I'm sure we’ll find Gresh and Berix in no time.”So the group of four continued down the trail, but no one noticed the two mountains behind them slam shut. I am not even going to ask how they didn't notice two mountains slamming together, which surely would have made a loud noise that would have caught their attention. Then again, they aren't that smart, so maybe I shouldn't be pondering this too much.But onto a tangent, the mountains slammed together because it is an ancient ritual of the mountains. When two mountains come of age, they must slam into each other as hard as possible in order to combine their forms together to make one big mountain. This is done so that one day all of the mountains in the world would fuse together to make the Giga Mountain, which would then rule the world with an iron, er, I mean stone, fist.Yeah, you didn’t seriously believe that, did you? Good, because it’s true. Ha, the joys of being the narrator.Anyway, I’ve been delaying the end of this chapter too long, so the end. There.Commentary:

“I do not require living sacrifices,” the fire demon god boomed. Its voice was so loud that it caused the skull of a nearby giant vulture to explode. “Besides, I would not take Bucket-head even if I did want a sacrifice. He is stupid.”

His name is probably Firedemongodtias. Also he's got good taste in sacrifices (peanut butter FTW!).-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Mar 21 2012 - 09:13 AM.

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#16 Offline hervanax

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Posted Mar 21 2012 - 03:46 PM

this chapter was short despite your attempt to delay the end“Erm, why did he explode?” Bucket-head asked.because everything in this comidy explodes havent you read the title bucket-head?Soon, I will kill everyone, mwahaha!”not hostbitalise (i know i spelt that wrong)sequals always have a higher age ratingwell short chapter=short review

Edited by hervanax, Mar 21 2012 - 03:46 PM.

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#17 Online Sundowner

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Posted Mar 21 2012 - 11:13 PM

So sorry I haven't commented on this comedy in a while but here I am. Mata Nui please don't contemplate how Mountains could have been there before the universe you might blow the mountains up. With regards to Ackar and his Afro I always liked to think the Metru Nui era was like the 70s and the Toa Metru were a crime fighting band. Back on topic, poor Fire demon if had been forced to eat Bucket-head who knows what might have happened. I think it makes sense why Dah Element lords would have a demon as a bouncer fire demons don't charge too much. It seems Mata Nui and Friends have fought a lot of demons. I hope he doesn't come after my avatar, okay in conclusion, this was a nice delay the ending until I say so chapter although I felt it was a little short. One question though, would Bucket head know about humans? Mata Nui I can understand (and Fire Demon) Bucket-head not so sure.Hope I didn't stray too far off that review.
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#18 Offline King of the Madness Isles

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Posted Mar 22 2012 - 12:32 PM

Well, I have arrived. I haven't caught up yet, so I'll only comment on the first chapter and the prologue.Very well done, I like Bucket-Head and I remember his role in Reloaded.Also Imploded sounds like a nice name for the conclusion.I also liked how the Element Lords are called "Dah Element Lords". Funny.So far, nice job. I hereby declare that this is of the same caliber as the first. Keep it up!

Edited by PurpleBouncy, Mar 22 2012 - 12:32 PM.

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#19 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 22 2012 - 07:35 PM

this chapter was short despite your attempt to delay the end“Erm, why did he explode?” Bucket-head asked.because everything in this comidy explodes havent you read the title bucket-head?Soon, I will kill everyone, mwahaha!”not hostbitalise (i know i spelt that wrong)sequals always have a higher age ratingwell short chapter=short review

1) Bucket-head is stupid, so he doesn't know the title. Duh2) Yeah, even though this comedy is rated PG like the last one. Same difference

One question though, would Bucket head know about humans? Mata Nui I can understand (and Fire Demon) Bucket-head not so sure.

Hmm, I wouldn't worry about what characters in this comedy would or wouldn't know. The rules for characters' knowledge of any subject are as follows:1) If it's funny, then they may know it even though it might not make any sense for the story's universe (Mata Nui knowing about humans, for instance)2) If it's awesome, then they may have knowledge of it even though there may be no plausible reason for them knowing it (any time any characters senses an attack before it happens)3) If I forget that the character does not know that piece of knowledge that then they may know it (more common than you'd imagine, actually)Usually, most instances are a mixture of the above three rules (it's funny, awesome, and I tend to forget that the character does not know that information).

Well, I have arrived. I haven't caught up yet, so I'll only comment on the first chapter and the prologue.Very well done, I like Bucket-Head and I remember his role in Reloaded.Also Imploded sounds like a nice name for the conclusion.I also liked how the Element Lords are called "Dah Element Lords". Funny.So far, nice job. I hereby declare that this is of the same caliber as the first. Keep it up!

1) Glad you like Bucket-head. He's one of my favorite new characters from this comedy, if not my favorite2) Yes. And it also fits the naming scheme I came up for the trilogy, so it's all good, heh3) Dah Element Lords don't think dat is so funny4) Thanks :) -TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Mar 22 2012 - 07:36 PM.

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#20 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Mar 28 2012 - 09:06 AM

'Nother Wednesday, 'nother chapter:

Chapter VI: A New Friend

Subtitle: Someone else to abuse Bucket-head

“Hey, what’s that?” said Ackar, pointing ahead.The other three morons stopped and looked to see what he was pointing at. Two gigantic armies were fighting each other. Limbs, heads, and all of that other nice stuff were flying between the enemy forces, while the screams of dying or wounded soldiers pierced the air. There was even an explosion as a monster with a drill for a head burrowed out of the ground and dragged down several soldiers into its pit.“No, not that,” said Ackar, shaking his head and pointing in another direction. “I mean that.”Turning their gaze from the epic battle, Mata Nui, Kiina, and Bucket-head saw the strangest thing on their journey yet: A clearing.But not any old clearing. It looked like nature had gone to war with itself. Churned up earth and rocks stuck up out of the ground, plant life was everywhere, either frozen solid or burned black or both (don’t ask). It looked totally insane; just like something from comedy, in fact.“Strange,” said Mata Nui as he and the others approached the clearing. “We haven’t been here yet, so how did this happen?”There was silence for a moment. Bucket-head looked around at the other three, puzzled, and asked, “Erm, why-““Usually Berix says something stupid to try to explain it,” said Ackar, who sounded a little sad. “But we forgot Berix isn’t here, so . . .”“That just gives us another reason to go after Dah Element Lords,” said Mata Nui, brandishing his gun and shooting a bird out of the sky, which exploded into nothingness. “They took away a good source of humor for this comedy. They will pay.”“Oh,” said Bucket-head, who wondered whether any living being was safe while Mata Nui had a gun. “Anyway, it looks to me like Dah Element Lords were around here.”“Shut up,” Mata Nui snapped. “Anyway, it looks to me like Dah Element Lords were around here.”“But that’s what I said,” said Bucket-head.“No it isn’t!” said Mata Nui. “Stop lying, you evil, stupid-“Just then, a loud, really annoying groan, interrupting Mata Nui’s insults. The group looked around for a few seconds before Mata Nui found a Jungle Glatorian underneath a ton of rubble. As this guy never had a set, either, I can’t really describe him. So go make a MOC of him or something, if you want to know how he looks.“Who are you?” said Mata Nui to the Jungle Glatorian.“Please get me out of here,” the Jungle Glatorian gasped. “I’m underneath tons of debris. Please . . .”“Oh, okay,” Mata Nui grumbled as he lifted the tons of debris with his smallest finger and hurled it several hundred feet away. “Crybaby.”The Jungle Glatorian got up to his feet, still gasping for breath. “Thank you for rescuing me, brave travelers. What might you be doing here?”“Going to kick butt,” Mata Nui replied. “What happened to you?”“Got caught in a worldstorm,” the Glatorian replied. “They happen here sometimes, although if you bring an umbrella they usually don’t. I forgot my umbrella, so you see, I got caught.”“What is your name?” asked Mata Nui.“Oris,” said the Glatorian. “At least, that’s my unofficial name. See, my name was just a placeholder name that the Great Being Farshtey used when he was writing the story for this comedy. But because I was never given an official name, the author of this comedy had to use ‘Oris’ as my official name.”“That sounds long, complicated, and unnecessary,” said Mata Nui. “How’s about I just call you Joe?”“But my name is Oris,” said ‘Joe.’ “Didn’t you listen to my explanation?”“Nope,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “Any time someone speaks for longer than five seconds I stop paying attention. How’s about Joe Oris?”“Just Oris, please,” said the Glatorian. “Please?”“Okay,” said Mata Nui, pouting. “I still think Joe is a better name, though.”“How’d you end up in here?” said Ackar.“Used to work for Dah Element Lords,” said Oris. “Then they fired me, but never gave me directions for getting out of here. So I’ve been lost in here for a while. By the way, how long have you guys been lost?”“We’re not lost,” said Mata Nui.Oris smiled, like Mata Nui was a naïve little child who didn’t know what he was talking about (which probably wasn’t far from the truth). “Oh, you soon will be.”Then Oris's eyes fell on Kiina and he said, “Oh, hello. Who are you?”“I’m Kiina,” she replied. “What are you looking at?”“Oh, nothing,” said Oris, although his voice definitely suggested a bit more than ‘nothing,’ if you know what I mean (because I don't).“My name is Mata Nui,” said Mata Nui. “And he’s Ackar.”“Don’t care,” said Oris, who was still looking at Kiina. “It’s been a while since I last saw a female . . .”Before this scene could get any more uncomfortable, Bucket-head suddenly reappeared. “Guys, there’s a problem.”“Besides you?” said Mata Nui, throwing an irritable glance at Bucket-head.Ignoring Mata Nui’s comment, Bucket-head said, “The path we took to get in here is blocked. What’s worse is that there isn’t any other exit.”“Why is a Skrall travelling with you?” said Oris to Mata Nui, with the same tone as someone asking why you are listening to Justin Bieber.“Good meat shield,” Mata Nui replied.“That’s all Skrall are good for,” said Oris, glancing nastily at Bucket-head. “Meat shields.”“I think I like this guy,” said Mata Nui. Then he lowered his voice so that only Oris could hear, “So long as you keep your hands off Kiina that is.”“Don’t worry,” said Oris, in the same quiet voice. “I’ll try not to get in your way.”Mata Nui didn’t seem to understand what Oris was implying, so he simply nodded and then addressed the group as a whole: “As we can’t go back, going forward is the only option.”“May I travel with you?” said Oris. “I have been stuck in here for a while. I can help.”“Okay,” said Mata Nui. “You’re better than a Skrall at any rate.”“Hey!” said Bucket-head.But it was at that exact moment that the earth tore open, unleashing screams of purest agony as a being made of stone erupted from the endless hole. It was not much taller than Mata Nui, but it radiated such power that it might as well have been bigger.“I am Stonetus,” the rock being boomed. “And I must kill you!”“I’ll handle this one myself,” said Mata Nui, gesturing at the others to stay back, while at the same time cocking his 40k MGA.“So I have only one opponent today!” said Stonetus, his voice like rocks being smashed together. “You shall die!”Stonetus lifted up what looked like a gun made of rocks and fired it at Mata Nui. Mata Nui jumped out of the way to avoid the oncoming stone, which shattered into a million pieces when it collided with Bucket-head, who had been standing right behind Mata Nui for some reason.As Mata Nui hit the ground, he aimed his 40k MGA and fired. The bullet hit Stonetus’s left leg joint, causing him to stumble a little, giving Mata Nui the chance to run over and hit Stonetus in the face with the butt of his gun.But Stonetus was not fazed by this. He slammed his fist against Mata Nui, sending him flying into the sky, and then Stonetus actually flew after him.Still going up, Mata Nui tried to shoot Stonetus, but the flying rock entity rolled in midair to dodge the projectiles. Stonetus reared back his fist as he drew closer to Mata Nui, believing victory was within his grasp.But what Stonetus failed to understand was those who believed victory was within their grasp were doomed to failure. Their arrogance blinded them to their own mortality and often ended their lives quite abruptly, as Stonetus was about to find out.Mata Nui landed on Stonetus’s shields and stuffed his gun into Stonetus’s open mouth. With a roar of rage, Mata Nui pulled the trigger, which set off a chain reaction in Stonetus’s body that ended with him exploding.The fiery explosion, however, still contained Stonetus’s spirit within it, which tried to surround Mata Nui and cut off his air. Mata Nui was immune to fire, however, and he punched it so hard it exploded again, this time killing Stonetus for real.Now Mata Nui was at least 1,000,000 feet in the air, which meant he was going to splatter on the ground if he didn’t do something to slow his descent. So he grabbed the explosion, solidified it, and turned it into a surfboard, which he used to surf down on the clouds. You see, clouds are made of vapor, which is water, and it is possible to surf on water. Therefore Mata Nui could surf on clouds using a surfboard made out of an explosion.No, that doesn’t make any sense, but it’s so *#$@!ing awesome that it doesn’t need to.So Mata Nui surfed back to the earth. Then he threw the surfboard away – since he didn’t need it anymore – and the board exploded.“So,” said Mata Nui, walking back to the others. “Now that that is out of the way, we still have a long way to go, I think.”“Yeah, Bucket-head,” said Ackar, glaring at the Skrall, who was lying on the ground. “Stop playing in the dirt and get up!”“I’m not playing,” said Bucket-head as he got to his feet. “Stonetus’s rock hit me instead of Mata Nui-“Just then, Oris punched Bucket-head directly in the face.“Ow!” said Bucket-head, grabbing the spot where Oris had punched him. “What the heck?”“Was that good?” said Oris, looking at the others. “It’s been a while since I’ve punched a Skrall, so I want to make sure I am doing it right, Kiina.”Kiina looked a bit taken aback at being asked her opinion, but she nodded and said, “Uh, yeah, you did it right.”“You know, maybe you’re not such a bad guy after all,” said Ackar. “You’re pretty cool if you punch Bucket-head, in my opinion.”“Oh, it is nothing,” said Oris, waving Ackar off. “I am simply a humble but chivalrous Glatorian. I do it because it is the right thing to do. I am sure anyone in my place would have done it.”“He’s probably right,” Bucket-head muttered, so low that nobody could hear him.“I don’t think there is anything else plot important to do here,” said Mata Nui, pulling out the script. “So I think we should get going. We still have a long way to go before we can get to the Great Volcano Night Club, so let’s stop dillydallying and get there already.”Our four heroes – plus the newly acquired Oris – went up the nearest path, which they assumed led to the Great Volcano Night Club.As they left the clearing, Mata Nui asked Oris, “By the way, how long have you been lost in here?”“Um, let me see,” said Oris as he started counting off his fingers. “Let’s see, carry the four, divide by six, square it by twenty-three . . . eh, screw math, I was never good at it. About twenty-thousand years, I’d say.”“You must be pretty stupid to get lost somewhere for twenty-thousand years,” said Mata Nui.“It’s a big place,” Oris insisted. “Anyone could get lost that long. Heck, some people have been lost in here even longer.”“Uh huh,” said Mata Nui, who didn’t sound at all convinced. “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”Oris looked annoyed, but said nothing as the group continued their journey. It looked like Mata Nui had made a new frenemy in Oris, but whether that would actually amount to anything, I don’t know. I’m just the narrator, folks. You can’t expect me to know everything, although if I had to guess I’d say, based on the author's consistency, he's probably going to forget about it pretty quickly, if he hasn't already.Commentary:

“I am Stonetus,” the rock being boomed. “And I must kill you!”

Beings whose names end in "-tus" are also usually entities. Also don't ask where Stonetus came from 'cause I really don't know.

So Mata Nui surfed back to the earth. Then he threw the surfboard away – since he didn’t need it anymore – and the board exploded.

If you paid close attention, Mata Nui blew up a stone entity, blew up that stone entity's explosion, and then blew up the surfboard he had created from the stone entity's explosion's explosion. This comedy is called The Legend Exploded, after all.-TNTOS-

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#21 Offline hervanax

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Posted Mar 29 2012 - 02:16 PM

and now its time for my favorite time of this comidy...reviewingfirst of all i like the introduction of joeTwo gigantic armies were fighting each other.at first i thought this said arms and i was going to make a joke about arm wrestling “Any time someone speaks for longer than five seconds I stop paying attention.thats just like meOur four heroes – plus the newly acquired Oris – went up the nearest pathaquiered Orisyou have found 2/4s of the new charicturesproceed on to the next levelwell that was fun
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#22 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Apr 04 2012 - 09:30 PM

and now its time for my favorite time of this comidy...reviewingfirst of all i like the introduction of joeTwo gigantic armies were fighting each other.at first i thought this said arms and i was going to make a joke about arm wrestling“Any time someone speaks for longer than five seconds I stop paying attention.thats just like meOur four heroes – plus the newly acquired Oris – went up the nearest pathaquiered Orisyou have found 2/4s of the new charicturesproceed on to the next levelwell that was fun

1) Well, I imagine there probably were two giant arms fighting as well, so . . .2) That's like most people, actually :P Been a bit busy today, which is why I have been unable to post the chapter until just now. But here's this week's chapter, as per schedule:

Chapter VII: Weird Events

Subtitle: It may not be a dream after all

Mata Nui and friends were forced to camp that night, for the sun set quickly, replaced by the moon in the sky. The moon did not like these arrangements, for the sun always got off work at the exact moment the moon appeared, meaning the moon had to make up for the extra work the sun left over. The moon had complained to corporate about this, but they hadn’t done anything about it and the moon was seriously thinking of quitting. Maybe get a job as a lawyer, like his mom always said he should.But what the moon thought was irrelevant to what was happening below. Mata Nui, Ackar, Kiina, and Oris were sleeping in comfy sleeping bags, while Bucket-head was forced to sleep on the hard ground without even a rock for a pillow. He did have a sleeping bag, but Mata Nui had taken it and ‘accidentally’ burned it in the campfire, much to Bucket-head’s chagrin. Mata Nui did promise to buy Bucket-head a new one, but Bucket-head knew that was a lie, for he’d overheard Mata Nui joking with Ackar about how stupid Bucket-head must be to believe him.“Why do I have to sleep on the hard ground?” Bucket-head complained.“Couple of reasons,” Mata Nui replied, his head sticking out of his yellow bag. “First, you’re a Skrall. Second, you’re a Skrall. And third, you’re a Skrall.”“Is that all?” said Bucket-head.“Actually, there’s a secret fourth reason,” said Mata Nui.“And what is that?” asked Bucket-head.“You’re a Skrall,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, good night, everybody. Let’s try to get some sleep because I have a feeling we’re going to have to fight for our lives in the morning.”So everybody went to sleep. So did Bucket-head, although he took longer to go to sleep than the others because of his lack of a sleeping bag. He contented himself with dreaming about Mata Nui and the others bowing down to him, but bizarrely even in his dreams they still hated him.All five of the unlikely travelers were sleeping soundly. Mata Nui and Kiina slept next to each other, while Oris slept a little too close to Kiina. Ackar was snoring loudly, occasionally muttering something about prunes or those darn kids on his lawn. Bucket-head, though asleep, constantly shifted his sleeping position to get more comfortable. No one was awake to see plant tendrils growing from the earth, reaching out toward our heroes.No one, that is, except the fire. The fire didn’t like plants, so when it saw those plant tendrils about to grab Mata Nui and his friends, the fire said, “Oh, no you di-ant! Smoke this!”The fire unleashed a blast of heat upon the plants . . . well, it would have, but it as such a small fire that it could only throw a few tiny, insignificant sparks onto the plants.Just then, the plants exploded into flames as a voice hissed within, “It burnsssssss!”The plants burned to ashes as Mata Nui and friends suddenly awoke. Bucket-head – who was sleeping nearest the fire – quickly reached out and took some of the fire’s kindling, which was a pretty stupid move because he ended up burning his hands. But he managed to stash it in his hand dandy trusty rusty item bag, which, based on its small size, probably once belonged to Link from The Legend of Zelda video games. No one saw Bucket-head do that, for they were all too distracted by the noise the fire had made to notice what a stupid Skrall was doing.Mata Nui had jumped out of his sleeping bag and fired his 40k MGA at the fire. This caused the fire to explode, sending Bucket-head flying several feet away from it.“Was that necessary?” Oris asked Mata Nui.“Didn’t mean it,” said Mata Nui as he put his gun away. “I just woke and fired. It was instinctive.”“You mean you are always prepared to fire your gun as soon as you awake?” said Bucket-head as he got up painfully from the ground. “Even if you don’t know whether there is something that needs to be shot?”“I learned many things during the war, Bucket-head, and one of them was always be ready to shoot something,” Mata Nui replied. “Always.”“Change of subject,” said Kiina, looking around. “What was that sound that woke us?”“Not sure,” Ackar said, rubbing his back. “But this hard ground is killing me. At least I have my Snuggie.”He then turned to the camera and said, “Snuggie, the blanket with sleeves! Buy it today!”“And don’t forget to buy your BIONICLE Glatorian Legends Mata Nui figure with it!” Mata Nui added.“What are you two doing?” asked Bucket-head.“It’s called advertising,” said Mata Nui. “It pays for this comedy’s expenses.”“What expenses?” said Bucket-head.“Oh, various things,” said Mata Nui. “First, we actors get paid for our work-““But I’ve never been paid,” said Bucket-head.“You don’t get paid,” said Mata Nui, pointing at him. “Just us. Anyway, then there’s the camera crew, the special effects team, the annoying director, the narrator, the author, the costume designers-““What costumes?” said Bucket-head, looking around. “I don’t see any-“Kiina took off her helmet, revealing an extremely ugly woman’s face underneath.“AHHH!” said Bucket-head, putting his hands over his eyes. “Okay! I see costumes!”Kiina put her helmet back on and smirked. “It’s always fun to see grown Skrall scream like pigs.”“Anyway,” Mata Nui went on, “there’s also the set designer-““But I don’t see any sets,” said Bucket-head. “All of this is real, isn’t it?”“Nope,” said Ackar. He poked a nearby tree with his sword, causing to wobble over and hit the ground. “Made out of one hundred percent real cardboard.”“What?” said Bucket-head, looking around.The more Bucket-head looked, the more he realized how fake everything appeared. The rocks looked like painted pieces of Styrofoam, the trees appeared to be cardboard stands, and even the sky looked like a wall someone had just painted over. It was surreal, to say the least.“Back to the various people who worked on this,” Mata Nui continued. “Then there’re our agents, our stunt doubles, our best friend Steve-““Who?” said Bucket-head, but his question went unanswered as Mata Nui rattled off the list.“-the CGI animals, the scriptwriters, the stage hands, and the lights crew,” Mata Nui finished. “Oh, and our good friends at Angel Fire, New Mexico, where this is story is currently being filmed.”“You forgot one thing,” said Oris.“What is that?” said Mata Nui, looking at Oris quizzically.Oris ripped off his face – not his helmet – and said, “I’m really Orlando Bloom.”That last revelation caused Bucket-head to scream in horror at the sight of Orlando Bloom’s head on the biomechanical body of Oris. Bucket-head screamed so loudly that all of reality seemed to go black for a moment before he felt someone slapping his face.Then Bucket-head’s eyes flew open as he screamed. For a moment he couldn’t take in anything he saw; then someone slapped him really hard in the face, causing him to stop screaming.“Gah you’re annoying,” said Mata Nui, who looked he had been the one slapping Bucket-head. “What were you dreaming about?”“Movie!” said Bucket-head, still frightened. “Cardboard trees, advertisements, Orlando Bloom! The horror . . .”“Uh huh,” said Mata Nui, unconvinced. He turned to the others – who were still lying in their sleeping bags not far away – and said, “He’s okay . . . I think.”“Wait, you guys cared about me?” said Bucket-head to the others.“No,” said Ackar bluntly. “We just didn’t want to lose a perfectly good meat shield, that’s all.”Then Bucket-head looked to Mata Nui and said, “Did you have to slap me so hard?”“No,” said Mata Nui, just as bluntly as Ackar. “But it was fun, don’t you agree?”“Not really,” said Bucket-head.Mata Nui scratched his head, as though thinking, and said, “Hmm, I seem to remember saying that I would kill someone last, but I can’t remember who-““Uh, I mean, yes, it was fun,” said Bucket-head, nodding fervently. “It was really fun.”“I didn’t say it was really fun,” said Mata Nui, his voice dangerously low.“I mean, it was fun,” said Bucket-head. “Just fun.”“I never said it was just fun, either.”“Okay, it was fun!” said Bucket-head, throwing his hands in the air. “Happy?”“I never said it was-“Bucket-head decided to ignore Mata Nui. Instead, he looked closely at Oris. Oris met his gaze and for a moment they looked at each other.Then Bucket-head lunged and grabbed Oris’s face and started pulling. Oris screamed and struggled to push the Skrall off him, but Bucket-head was holding on like his hands had been glued to Oris’s face.Ackar and Kiina seized Bucket-head and, with effort, yanked him off Oris and threw him to the ground while Oris rubbed his face.“What was that for?” Oris demanded, looking at Bucket-head, who hastily got back to his feet.“Yeah,” said Ackar in agreement. “Your name is Bucket-head, not Face-grabber-head!”“I thought he was Orlando Bloom in disguise,” said Bucket-head sheepishly.“And why the heck would you think that?” said Oris.“I had a dream where life was a movie and you were really Orlando Bloom in disguise,” said Bucket-head, who realized just how stupid that sounded as he said it.“That’s stupid,” said Kiina. “Like you. Orlando Bloom is way hotter than Oris. Don’t see how you could possibly confuse the two.”“Yeah,” said Oris. “Orlando Bloom is- hey, now wait a minute here.”“It doesn’t matter,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “All we know now is that Bucket-head is insane. I mean, life a movie? Oris as Orlando Bloom? What kind of insanity is that, you know?”The others agreed and soon they went back to sleep, but not before calling Bucket-head several names that I can’t repeat here due to BZP’s restrictions. Suffice to say, they used a lot of words Bucket-head had never even heard before, some that even I, the narrator, never knew, and a few that didn’t even exist, all of which were somehow much worse than Bucket-head’s name.As Bucket-head lay down to go back to sleep, he wondered if it had just been a dream.That’s probably it, Bucket-head thought as he closed his eyes. I mean, it was a silly dream. Life isn’t a movie and Oris is most certainly not Orlando Bloom in disguise. Don’t know what I was thinking about when I dreamed that.Bucket-head felt something in his bag, something that hadn’t been there when he went to sleep earlier. He dug through it and pulled out a piece of the fire’s kindling. It was still smoking and, now that he looked more closely, he saw that his hands still had burnt marks where he had grabbed the wood.But that had only been in his dream, hadn’t it? The same dream in which life had been a movie and Oris had been Orlando Bloom . . .Bucket-head looked over at Oris, who was sucking his thumb while he slept. He didn’t know if Orlando Bloom sucked his thumb or not, but the idea that his dream had been real freaked him out so much that he didn’t sleep at all that night. Instead, he just watched the darkness, jumping at the slightest sound, and contemplating the deeper questions of life, which, because this is a comedy, we won’t explore. So there.Commentary:

Chapter VII: Weird Events

This is one of my favorite chapters of this comedy. It's just so bizarre and completely out of left field, but it works so beautifully. I had a very fun time writing it.

But he managed to stash it in his hand dandy trusty rusty item bag, which, based on its small size, probably once belonged to Link from The Legend of Zelda video games.

To those who may not know, this is a reference to the seemingly-bottomless item bag that Link from LoZ has. In any game, Link can store bombs, a boomerang, extra arrows, four or five empty bottles, extra clothes and boots and various other interesting and useful items that Link uses on his adventures. The only problem is that Link doesn't appear to lug around a huge sack, so no one's really sure where he keeps all of that stuf.-TNTOS-

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#23 Online Sundowner

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Posted Apr 05 2012 - 03:24 PM

Wait I thought the sun was risen by little goblin/elf things pushing it up a mountain. In all seriousness the moon thing could be seen as a form of foreshadowing for how weird this chapter is going to be. Poor Bucket head he will never if it was a dream, how did you come up with Orlando Bloom playing Oris? Plus how many demons has Mata Nui slayed again?Sorry this is sort of short but I await the next chapter.
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#24 Offline hervanax

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Posted Apr 05 2012 - 03:47 PM

all i have to say is i had this dream last nightand the ugly kiina face was lady gaga
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#25 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Apr 07 2012 - 08:46 AM

Wait I thought the sun was risen by little goblin/elf things pushing it up a mountain. In all seriousness the moon thing could be seen as a form of foreshadowing for how weird this chapter is going to be. Poor Bucket head he will never if it was a dream, how did you come up with Orlando Bloom playing Oris? Plus how many demons has Mata Nui slayed again?Sorry this is sort of short but I await the next chapter.

Well, Orlando and Oris both star with "Or," which is really the only reason I did that. Really.Hmm, I think the amount of demons Mata Nui has killed is somewhere in the mid to upper trillions, if we're counting the demons he killed in the last comedy. I dunno. I don't normally keep track of facts like this.

all i have to say is i had this dream last nightand the ugly kiina face was lady gaga

Wasn't intending it to be Lady Gaga, but if you think that, go ahead. That's the fun part about reading; you don't have images to ruin your imagination :P .-TNTOS-

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#26 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Apr 11 2012 - 09:01 AM

And so it is that magical time of the week known as Wednesday, although it isn't very magical nor is it very windy, for that matter. Oh, well. Here's another chapter of this comedy that I think some people like:

Chapter VIII: More New Friends

Subtitle: Bucket-head just can't get a break

The next day, the group had breakfast. Everyone ate bacon and eggs – which I guess exist in the BIONICLE universe now or something - except for Bucket-head, who was given dirt to eat.“You expect me to eat dirt?” said Bucket-head as Kiina handed him the plate which the earth was on.“What, do you want me to fry it or something?” said Kiina disgustedly as she went to sit down next to Mata Nui, who was pouring sugar and syrup on his bacon and eggs for some reason.After breakfast, the party of five continued their journey to the Great Volcano Night Club. They suddenly found themselves in a dense jungle area, forcing them to hack their way through. Mata Nui was in the lead, using his gun to chop through the jungle undergrowth. And he didn’t have a blade attached to the gun or anything, either. He could just cut through it because he could.“This makes no sense,” Bucket-head complained as he nearly tripped over a tree root. “What’s up with this place’s geography?”“What’s up with you?” Kiina snapped, which caused Bucket-head to keep his mouth shut.Nothing exciting happened for several minutes until suddenly, plants attacked our heroes. Thick jungle vines – with teeth, by the way – emerged from the trees around them. The vines hissed and snapped at the gang, causing Mata Nui and friends to back into the center to avoid getting eaten.“Hmm, murderous plant life,” said Mata Nui as he slashed at a vine that had come too close. “Don’t think we’ve seen that one before, have we?”“Well, there was that one time in that greenhouse,” said Ackar as he slapped a vine away. “But then, that was because of the mutagenic piggy demons, so I don’t think that counts.”“How do we get rid of them?” said Kiina, almost bored, as she swatted a particularly scrawny vine away.“I know these plants,” said Oris, who just sort of pushed one of the vines away from them. “They hate water. But where are we going to get water?”“You mean we don’t have any water bottles?” said Mata Nui in shock. “Oh, no! We’re doomed to die at the hands of violent plants!”“Are you guys honestly that stupid?” Kiina snapped as she poked a vine. “I would expect that from Bucket-head, not from you two.”“What’s that supposed to mean?” said Bucket-head as he blocked a vine with his shield.“It means you’re stupid,” Kiina replied. “Anyway, stand back. I’ll deal with these dumb plants.”Kiina raised her hands and said, “O great Poseidon, god of the sea, lend me thy powers to wash away these dumb plants and save my friends. If necessary, I will sacrifice Bucket-head to please you.”“Why does everyone keep talking about sacrificing me?” Bucket-head muttered.But the heavens opened up just then and Poseidon appeared, holding a giant trident in his hands as he said, “O faithful servant of the waves, I need not that insolent, idiotic Skrall to grant thee powers. Behold! The power of the ocean rests within your very body, young maiden! Now use it to save your friends from the evil plants!”Kiina immediately snapped her fingers, creating a wave of water that splashed into the vines. The vines hissed and retreated into the shadows because they were sissies.“Okay, I love you, bye bye!” said Poseidon, waving as the heavens closed.“Wimps,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “Afraid of water . . . that is so lame.”“Hey, Bucket-head, what are you doing?” said Ackar, looking at the Skrall, who was kneeling on the ground.Bucket-head quickly put something in his bag and stood up, saying, “Oh, um, nothing.”“He’s just being stupid,” said Mata Nui dismissively. “Anyway, I see something up in the trees.”All five of our heroes looked up. In the uppermost branches of the trees were what looked like two Glatorian warriors. One was clearly an ice Glatorian; the other, an earth Glatorian (by the way, what’s an earth Glatorian? Is it a Vorox or something? I don’t know). They were both wrapped in vines and looked dead, for they did not appear to be struggling. Oh, and because they were never released as sets I can’t- oh, you know the routine by now.“People!” said Ackar in surprise. He turned to Oris and said, “Hey, do you know those two?”“Um, no,” said Oris, a little too quickly. “I didn’t trap them up there in those vines. Honest.”“I never said you did,” said Ackar.“That’s because I didn’t,” said Oris, nodding, sounding relieved.“Uh huh,” said Ackar. “Well, how are we supposed to get them down?”“Why do we need to get them down?” asked Mata Nui.“I dunno,” said Ackar, pulling out a stack of paper. “The script says so.”“Okay, fine,” said Mata Nui. He turned to Bucket-head and said, “Get them down from there.”“Okay,” said Bucket-head. He looked up at the two trapped Glatorian and began aiming his shield.“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” said Mata Nui, grabbing Bucket-head’s shield arm.“I am going to free them,” Bucket-head replied, annoyed. “I am going to throw my shield and it will rip through the vines and-““That would be too easy,” said Mata Nui. He pointed at the base of the nearest tree and said, “Climb. Now.”Bucket-head looked at the tree in which the two Glatorian were trapped. It was gigantic, easily bigger than a mountain. It looked like it went all the way up out of the planet’s atmosphere and into space and possibly outside of the universe, which, considering this comedy’s nature, is quite possible.“But it would be quicker and more efficient to throw my shield,” Bucket-head insisted. “My shield has buzz saw blades on the side. Also, it’ll look really cool and I’ll be just like Captain America.”“Well, Captain Bucket-head,” said Mata Nui, “I don’t want you throwing your shield. The script says you have to climb it.”“Where does it say that?” asked Bucket-head.Mata Nui pulled out his script, scribbled something on it, and said, “Here. It says ‘Bucket-head climbs up tree and frees Glatorian.’ See?”Bucket-head peered at the script and said, “Hang on, it looks like someone crossed out something here-““This is a revised version,” said Mata Nui, hastily putting the script away.“But-““Your name is Bucket-head, not But-head,” said Mata Nui. “Now get climbing or else I’ll kick you up there myself.”Bucket-head sighed. “Okay. Fine. But if I die-““Don’t worry, no one will cry,” said Mata Nui, patting Bucket-head on the shoulder. “Well, I might, but it would be tears of joy at your passing.”Bucket-head didn’t answer. Instead, he began climbing the tree, which, as he thought, was bigger than it looked. It was much, much, MUCH bigger than it looked.A few hours and several hundred falls later (including one in which Mata Nui ‘accidentally’ shot Bucket-head down), Bucket-head reached the top of the trees. He quickly cut the two unconscious Glatorian free, sending them falling to their deaths.But because these two guys are supposed to be major characters (according to the script, anyway), a giant trampoline appeared beneath them, which broke their fall. Mata Nui and the others on the ground quickly pulled the two Glatorian off the trampoline and began trying to wake them up.Meanwhile, up in the trees, Bucket-head peered at the ground. He saw the giant trampoline and decided he would jump on it. After all, if it could handle the weight of two Glatorian, then surely it could hold the weight of one Skrall. It would break his fall and he would be safe.So, without further hesitation, Bucket-head jumped, aiming directly for the trampoline below him.What Bucket-head didn’t realize, however, was that Ackar had moved the trampoline out of the way, aware that Bucket-head was going to try to land on it. So Bucket-head smashed into the ground, burrowed through the core of the planet, burst through the other side, and fell through space until he went all the way around the universe and landed on Bara Magna again. Amazingly, he landed right next to Mata Nui and the others.Mata Nui looked at Bucket-head with disgust. “Stop playing around, Bucket-head. This is no time for fun and games.”Because every bone in his body was shattered into dust, Bucket-head could only whimper in pain in response.Mata Nui turned back to the two new Glatorian, who were awake now. They looked around at everyone in confusion, or perhaps it was fear, considering how violent and sociopathic our 'heroes' are.Mata Nui roughly grabbed the two and pulled them up to his face. He snarled, “Who the heck are you two and what the heck are you doing here?”“I-I’m Tera,” said the earth Glatorian. He pointed at the ice Glatorian and said, “A-and he’s Likus.”“A likely story,” said Mata Nui, shoving them to the ground. “What the heck are you doing here?”“W-w-we don’t know!” said Tera, who appeared to be cowering in fear at Mata Nui’s anger. “Our friend O-Oris just led us here a-and told us to wait for him. S-so we did and th-then those plant things appeared and gr-grabbed us!”Mata Nui, Ackar, and Kiina looked at Oris, who shrugged and said, “Must be another guy named Oris.”“Please don’t kill us!” Tera added, throwing himself at Mata Nui’s feet. “I beg of you!”“Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you,” said Mata Nui. “I was just acting angry earlier to get you to tell the truth.”“Why do you think we’d lie to you?” said Likus. His voice reminded Mata Nui uncomfortably of Justin Bieber. “We don’t even know you.”“Ah, but that is exactly the point,” said Mata Nui. “Why would you lie to us? You are hiding something!”“We are not,” said Likus acidly. “Tera and I used to be swords-for-hire. We would work for separate villages and stage air guitar competitions. We’d split the winnings afterwards.”“Air guitar competitions?” said Kiina. “You mean those actually exist?”“Yes,” said Likus, who seemed to have far more backbone than Tera. “And I am pretty good at it, too. Watch.”Likus stood up and started acting like he was playing a guitar. “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!”“Okay,” said Kiina, grabbing his arm. “Just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.”“It gets all the chicks,” said Likus.Kiina immediately let go of him. “Well, I’m sorry, but this ‘chick’ is already with someone.”Likus looked from Kiina to Ackar and back again and said, “Whoa, you mean-““I am Kiina’s man,” said Mata Nui, sounding extremely jealous and annoyed.“Oh,” said Likus, who sounded relieved. “Good. For a moment there I thought-““Eh, I’ve never had luck with girls,” said Ackar. “Even in my younger days, girls never seemed to like me as much as the other guys. Never bothered me, although I never understood why they didn’t. Guess it’s because of their cooties or something.”“So what are you guys doing here?” said Likus.Mata Nui explained to Tera and Likus how they got here when Bucket-head emerged from the crater he had created. Somehow, through sheer force of will, Bucket-head had forced his bones to reform, although they were extremely stiff, causing him to walk awkwardly toward the others.“Ah! A Skrall!” Tera screamed, ducking behind Likus. “Don’t let it touch me!”“Don’t worry,” said Mata Nui. “He’s tame.”“I am not an ‘it’ and I am not an animal that is tamed,” said Bucket-head, throwing Mata Nui an irritated glance. “If you must know, it was I who climbed the trees and saved you two.”“Wow,” said Likus, now looking at Mata Nui with respect. “You even taught it tricks.”“’Taught it tricks’? What kind of cupcakes and noodles is this?” said Bucket-head. We were forced to censor his curse because it was inappropriate for this comedy’s viewing audience.“Oh, no,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “I told him to throw his buzz saw shield and save you, but he insisted on climbing. He’s not very smart.”“What the heck?” said Bucket-head, outraged. “Mata Nui was the one who-““Is he a stray or something?” asked Likus.“Sort of,” said Mata Nui. “You know me. I’m so soft-hearted, I couldn’t just let this poor little creature go live by itself.”“Oh, so I’m a ‘poor little creature’ now, am I?” said Bucket-head, folding his arms. “And you’re soft-hearted? Actually, it’s more like you’re no-hearted.”“Man, you’re lucky,” said Likus enviously. “Tera and I have talked about getting a Skrall, but we’ve never been able to find one for cheap.”“I am so offended right now that I would just walk away and leave this comedy entirely if I was allowed to,” said Bucket-head, but as usual, no one noticed him.“He’s not that great,” said Mata Nui. “He’s boring and stupid and ugly, too. He’s not even worth selling. Look, you and Tera can have him for free.”“Oh, don’t bother asking me what I think,” said Bucket-head. “It’s not like I have a free will or anything!”“Hey, Tera,” said Likus, looking down at his legs, where Tera was cowering in fear. “Did you hear that? We got a free Skrall!”“Skrall scare me,” Tera muttered. “Big trees scare me. Vines scare me. Bad jokes scare me.”“Everything scares you, Tera,” said Likus dismissively. “Anyway, where are you guys going?”“To the Great Volcano Night Club,” Mata Nui replied. “We’re going to defeat Dah Element Lords because they’ve kidnapped a couple of our friends.”“The Great Volcano Night Club?” Likus repeated. “We went there once, right, Tera?”“Y-yeah,” said Tera, who was compulsively shaking, like he was one of the recliners with a vibrating function. “But it was scary.”“You mean you’ve been there? What were you doing there?” asked Mata Nui.Likus puffed out his chest proudly and said, “Well, our reputations as air guitarists were so big at one point that Dah Element Lords hired us to privately play for them. Don’t think they liked it, though, right, Tera?”“Dah Element Lords are scary,” said Tera. “They made me wet my-““Anyway,” said Likus, “after that, one of their servants, Oris, took us here. Then the plants grabbed us and we’ve been like that until your Skrall rescued us.”Again they looked at Oris, who shrugged and said, “Like I said before, must be another guy named Oris.”“And I am NOT ‘their Skrall,’” Bucket-head said hotly, actually brandishing his gun now. “Next guy who says that gets this gun shoved up their-“But it was at that moment that a trillion gangsters – armed to the teeth with machine guns, knives, pistols, chains, and other gangster gear – appeared around them. All of our heroes – even frightened Tera – drew their weapons and turned to face the army of gangsters.“We can discuss this later,” said Mata Nui. “For now, we have to fight for our lives!”Commentary:

Nothing exciting happened for several minutes until suddenly, plants attacked our heroes. Thick jungle vines – with teeth, by the way – emerged from the trees around them. The vines hissed and snapped at the gang, causing Mata Nui and friends to back into the center to avoid getting eaten.

If it wasn't clear in the story, the vines were not very menacing or threatening. They were just kind of an annoyance, which is why Kiina had to summon the power of Poseidon, the Greek god of the ocean, to defeat them.

“Air guitar competitions?” said Kiina. “You mean those actually exist?”“Yes,” said Likus, who seemed to have far more backbone than Tera. “And I am pretty good at it, too. Watch.”Likus stood up and started acting like he was playing a guitar. “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!”“Okay,” said Kiina, grabbing his arm. “Just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.”“It gets all the chicks,” said Likus.Kiina immediately let go of him. “Well, I’m sorry, but this ‘chick’ is already with someone.”

Kiina obviously doesn't understand awesome.

“Ah! A Skrall!” Tera screamed, ducking behind Likus. “Don’t let it touch me!”“Don’t worry,” said Mata Nui. “He’s tame.”“I am not an ‘it’ and I am not an animal that is tamed,” said Bucket-head, throwing Mata Nui an irritated glance. “If you must know, it was I who climbed the trees and saved you two.”

This whole scene where Mata Nui, Likus, and Tera talk about Bucket-head like he's a pet is one of my favorite scenes in this whole comedy. It's just genius, IMO.-TNTOS-

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#27 Offline hervanax

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Posted Apr 12 2012 - 01:17 PM

and now we have the last two main charictures“What, do you want me to fry it or something?” said Kiina disgustedlyfryed dirt just like mom used to make(by the way, what’s an earth Glatorian? Is it a Vorox or something? I don’t know).i also wondered that when i read the script“Don’t worry,” said Mata Nui. “He’s tame.”i liked the referring to bucket-head as a dog in this chapter“We can discuss this later,” said Mata Nui. “For now, we have to fight for our lives!”a rare cliff hangeryou dont put these in much of your comidys
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#28 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Apr 18 2012 - 08:44 AM

and now we have the last two main charictures“What, do you want me to fry it or something?” said Kiina disgustedlyfryed dirt just like mom used to make(by the way, what’s an earth Glatorian? Is it a Vorox or something? I don’t know).i also wondered that when i read the script“Don’t worry,” said Mata Nui. “He’s tame.”i liked the referring to bucket-head as a dog in this chapter“We can discuss this later,” said Mata Nui. “For now, we have to fight for our lives!”a rare cliff hangeryou dont put these in much of your comidys

1) The best kind of dirt :P4) Hmm, well, Mata Nui and friends never hang off cliffs, so I've never seen any reason to have cliffhangers :PAnyway, it's Wednesday (again? Wasn't Wednesday last week?), which means another exciting(-ish) chapter:

Chapter IX: Air Guitar Hero

Subtitle: In which Likus and Tera show off their mad air guitar skillz

As was their usual routine, our heroes separated, each one going after a different group of gangsters. Ordinarily, seven people against an army of gangsters would be unfair. In fact, it was unfair; after all, these gangsters didn’t stand a chance against Mata Nui and his crew of butt-kicking fighters.Because I would lose my sanity trying to describe every fight at once, I’ll focus on each person individually, starting with Tera and Likus, since they’re the newbies and need to prove their worth.Tera and Likus were surrounded by at least a billion gangsters. Likus had a baseball bat with a nail driven through it, while Tera held a sawed off shot gun. Odd weapons, but believe me that there have been stranger weapons than those in this comedy and its predecessor.“Back, back, I say!” said Likus as he bashed a gangster on the head, causing him to explode. “Ooo! They explode when you hit them!”“G-go away!” said Tera, shooting at every gangster that came near him. “I-I don’t want to kill you!” (Author’s note: Actually, Tera does want to kill them all, but this is just to make him sound more heroic.)Tera was too distracted with his gangsters to notice the gangster coming up behind him with a knife. But Likus – who had just used another gangster as a baseball – noticed the knife-wielding gangster coming up behind Tera.“Tera! Watch out!” said Likus.Without hesitation, Likus dropped his baseball bat and started pulling off his mad air guitar skillz. His hands flew through the air as he strung his imaginary guitar strings while saying, “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!”Just then, the knife-wielding gangster that had been coming up behind Tera was hit with something. The gangster went flying through the air and exploded into a billion different shades of every color known to man (and to woman, because we’re not sexist).This spectacle was so amazing that the other gangsters stopped and watched, but that was a deadly fatal mistake, for Tera dropped his gun and also started doing air guitar.“Duh, d-duh, d-duh, d-duh!” said Tera as he pretended to play the guitar.A vortex appeared in the center of the gangsters, which sucked them all in. But because the mass was not distributed equally to the size of the vortex, the vortex exploded, creating another vortex that would have absorbed the whole universe had Tera not used his air guitar to cause it to explode.“Good job!” said Likus, high-fiving Tera. “To celebrate, let’s play Metallica on our air guitars!”So the two began strumming their air guitars again, saying collectively, “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!”-Oris, unlike Tera and Likus, had a real weapon; a bow and arrow set. With it, he had thus far managed to kill at least a thousand gangsters, but they seemed to instantly spawn over and over again. It was like an annoyingly hard video game, except it was real life and Oris wasn’t an impatient little kid who threw his controller at the TV when he got angry.Ducking beneath a slash from a gangster’s knife, Oris shot the gangster with an arrow. The gangster went flying and slammed into a nearby group of gangsters, which slammed into an even larger group of gangsters, which flew into the main army. This caused a massive explosion that took out a good deal of the gangsters, but there were still several billion left.The nearest gangster tried to punch Oris, but Oris merely flipped onto the gangster’s arm and then kicked the gangster in the face. The gangster’s face exploded from the force of Oris’s kick. In fact, Oris had kicked the gangster so hard that his face actually broke out through the back of his head and slammed into the gangster behind him.Oris then performed a back flip off of the faceless gangster’s arms and landed expertly on the ground. He then shot an arrow and, moving faster than lightning, leapt onto the arrow and rode it. Yes, folks; Oris is riding an arrow. No, that’s not stupid. It’s awesome.As Oris flew on the arrow, he grabbed two gangsters on either side of him. He then slammed them together so hard that they fused together to create the Divine Ultimate Unlimited Sword, which he used to slash at the other gangsters that had not been as fortunate as the two he had used to create the Sword with.Just then, however, the arrow broke, but Oris – who had been given the ability to see into the future for like a second – saw that coming and leapt off of it. He landed on the ground and then threw the Divine Ultimate Unlimited Sword into a tree. The Sword hit the tree, causing the tree to explode.“Who broke my arrow?” Oris demanded, looking around the area.It was just then that he saw a man in an army uniform appear. A large green ‘G’ was attached to his left arm, almost like a patch, and the man himself appeared fearsome and imposing, although something about him seemed comical.“Who the heck are you?” Oris asked as he loaded his bow.“I am the Grammar Nazi!” said the man, standing at attention. “And I am here to kill you for your improper use of grammar!”“What improper use of grammar?” asked Oris.The Grammar Nazi pointed up and said, “Go up about seven paragraphs.”Oris looked up, not sure what the Grammar Nazi was talking about. “Um, what?”“You used improper grammar again!” said the Grammar Nazi. “Anyway, you ended a sentence with a proposition. Therefore I must send you to the grammar class . . . of Death!”The Grammar Nazi pulled out a large dictionary and ran at Oris. Oris, however, just shot an arrow, which pierced the Grammar Nazi’s head, causing it to explode.“Stupid,” said Oris, staring at the Grammar Nazi’s headless body, which had fallen to the ground. “I no speak improper grammar. I speak good grammar. I is good English speaker, yes. Now go I kill gangsters to.”-Bucket-head wasn’t having as much luck as the others.Every time he killed a gangster, the gangster would simply get back up. He surmised that they were zombie gangsters, but unfortunately that did not help him figure out how to defeat them. He had never played any of those zombie first person shooter video games, so he had no idea how to go about killing them.But then, in a convenient flash of awesome, Bucket-head realized what he had to do as the zombie gangsters approached him. It would be risky, but then, so was this entire fight.So Bucket-head leapt into the air, well above the heads of the zombie gangsters, and landed on the top of a tree. He pulled an apple off of the tree’s branches and pulled off the stem like a grenade clip.Just as he did that, the zombie gangsters formed a human (or zombie?) ladder, getting on top of each other to get to the top of the tree. Meanwhile, other zombies were using their bones to try to cut the tree down, but the tree was so huge and awesome that the zombies just ended up getting incinerated. Don’t ask me how; they just did.Now the zombie ladder had finally reached Bucket-head’s spot, but he was ready. He threw the apple into the nearest zombie, which naively believed it was getting a snack. As soon as the zombie closed its mouth, the apple exploded, setting not only the zombie on fire, but the rest of the ladder as well. In fact, the whole tree had caught on fire and, for dramatic purposes, was beginning to fall to the ground.Bucket-head ran through the flames of the tree, trying to reach the bottom before the tree hit the ground. Along the way zombies would burst out of the wood and try to grab him, but with a bullet to the head they usually fell or gave up. One zombie even swore at him, but it was speaking zombie, so he couldn’t understand it. I, the narrator, could, but that zombie had a very foul mouth, both literally and figuratively, so I will not translate.Bucket-head did a running jump off the last few feet of the tree and landed on the ground just as the tree finally fell. The tree – being huge, large, and on fire – broke through the ground and fell into the core of the planet, taking all of the screaming zombies with it.Before Bucket-head could congratulate himself on a job well done, a giant entity emerged from the chaos of the planet’s core. It looked like a giant flaming zombie gangster, easily big enough to crush a whole city beneath its huge fists.“I am Giantflamingzombiegangsterius!” the entity roared. “And you have freed me from my prison. Therefore I shall reward you by destroying you and your entire world!”But Bucket-head didn’t want his world destroy. So he did a wall jump off a tree and flew straight into Giantflamingzombiegangsterius’s mouth. He then began spinning around so fast into the monster’s mouth that he absorbed all of the heat and flame – which was essentially what Giantflamingzombiegangsterius’s body was made of – and shot it back into the core of the planet. As Giantflamingzombiegangsterius fell back into the core, Bucket-head grabbed one part of the ground and the other half and pulled them together. He then duct-taped the two parts together, which would ensure that Giantflamingzombiegangsterius would never rise again.Despite all of this, Bucket-head was still stupid.“Hey!” said Bucket-head. “I just sealed an ancient entity! How does that make me stupid?”It just does.“I hate you.”I hate you, too.-Kiina dodged a punch from a gangster, then grabbed his outstretched arm and threw him at a tree. The gangster slammed into the tree so hard that the tree fell over and crushed several billion gangsters that had been idly standing in its shade. It was a hot day, after all, and the shade was so nice.A hundred gangsters shot their guns at her, but Kiina was ready for that. She spun her trident so fast that she conjured a gust of wind that actually sent the bullets back into their respective guns. This triggered a huge explosion that vaporized half of the forest (though thankfully only the Smurfs lived in that half).Kiina jumped into the air and performed sixty trillion summersaults. This was such a ridiculously huge number that many of the gangsters just died because they tried to count it. Remember, kids; never try to count to sixty trillion. Otherwise you will die.Despite this, there were still many trillions of gangsters trying to kill Kiina. This meant she would need to do something awesome, something unexpected, perhaps something so stupid that it would have to work.So Kiina slammed her hands together so hard, with as much force as she could put into both of her hands, that it created a gust of wind so powerful that it actually gained sapience. The wind gust literally cut through the gangsters, sending them falling to the ground, writhing pain. The wind gust stabbed one gangster in the chest. This created enough air pressure inside the gangster to cause him to explode, which in turned blew up the other gangsters near him.But then the wind gust suddenly and stereotypically desire independence. It turned on Kiina and began, “Kiina, for all of my five minutes of life, you have controlled me, forced me to do you bidding, to kill your enemies. You have kept me from experiencing life’s truest joys, such as love and chasing my dreams, and so therefore I will-“Kiina didn’t really feel like fighting it, so she pulled her hands apart with as much force as she had used when slamming them together. This single action disrupted the flow in the air, which in turn destroyed the wind gust. But Kiina knew it was never truly dead, not so long as the air existed. Someday, it would return, but Kiina doubted it would be in this comedy. Or ever.There were still another billion gangsters to kill, so Kiina ran to meet them, yelling savagely as she cut them down.-Ackar was sword fighting a million gangsters at once. Well, okay, he had a sword and they had knives, but it was something like a sword fight. What should I call it, a sword-on-knife fight? That sounds inappropriate for some reason.I got it. He brought a sword to a knife fight . . . ah, never mind. It’s not that funny.“You’re all lame!” said Ackar as he blocked all of their knives at once (despite the fact that should be impossible). “Back in my days, gangsters used to be serious. You’re like kids playing dress-up, trying to be adults when you’re really not!”There was so much truth to Ackar’s words that all of the gangsters dropped their weapons and began crying their eyes out. Yes, every single one of them was not a true adult. They had been thrust into these positions because their society demands them to take up the mantel of adulthood even when they are not ready. The realization led several to simply die of shock, but the rest lived. Somehow, that seemed worse than dying.But of course, Ackar took advantage of this to go through and kill thousands of them. Every swing of his sword killed a hundred and mortally wounded a thousand. A crazed light in his eyes signaled just how much he enjoyed what he did.“Die! Die! Die!” said Ackar, slashing every gangster within sword reach. “You’re all stupid! Stupid!”Just then, one gangster gathered up the courage to stand up to Ackar. But when he did, Ackar sent the gangster’s head flying and the other gangsters started running away.“Hey!” said Ackar, his voice so loud that the nearest gangsters were disintegrated by the volume of his voice. “Get back here!”Ackar ran after them, yelling and screaming and slashing.-Mata Nui had taken his fight to the trees. The branches were so huge and thick that trillions of gangsters could stand on them without causing the tree branch to crack. Not only that, but they were up the highest tree, which happened to break through the atmosphere into space. Therefore, they were fighting with zero gravity and no air, but Mata Nui was generating so much awesome that he created air (but not gravity for some reason).“Take this!” said Mata Nui, shooting his 40k MGA at the nearest gangster, sending that gangster flying into the depths of space. “How’s that cookie taste?”Mata Nui then did a back flip onto a gangster and, pulling a whip out of nowhere, said, “Hiya! Ride like the wind!”The gangster whinnied like a horse and began running around the place. Atop his new mount, Mata Nui began firing off volleys of bullets at the other gangsters. Every bullet killed a billion while wounding several trillion more.But Mata Nui couldn’t control his mount, who was about to run off the branch. Mata Nui back flipped off the gangster, who ran off the side of the branch and fell to Bara Magna below (although logically he should have floated into space, but who cares about logic?).Then Mata Nui grabbed the nearest gangster and charged so much energy through him that the gangster exploded into an energy bomb. Mata Nui threw the gangster-now-energy-bomb and ducked as it went off.The explosion was huge. In fact, it was so huge that the sound of it going off actually carried into space. The heat and light of it was so powerful that it created a new planet, although this new planet took the place of another, already existing planet, which probably killed several billion people. The explosion was so gigantic that the tree branch actually broke off and fell to earth.But there were still some gangsters left. So – while the branch was still falling – Mata Nui used his gun like a sword, slamming it against any gangsters he could reach. One gangster, scared out of his wits, tried to jump off of the branch, but when he did he fell straight up with a loud scream. Another gangster got down to his knees and started praying to the gangster god, although it was no good, for the gangster god was busy hiding from the police god.“Ahahahaha!” Mata Nui laughed as the branch caught flame as it reentered the atmosphere. “You try and run, but you cannot outrun the Gun! Mwhahahaha!”Mata Nui slammed his hands together, transmuting them into guns. Laughing loudly and dementedly, Mata Nui began shooting all of the nearby gangsters. This was a rather violent scene, so the editor asked me to show something else. I would, but Mata Nui killed the non-violent scene I would show, so we’re going to have to watch this.“Hahaha!” Mata Nui roared as he fired round after round of bullets at the nearby gangsters, while the branch drew closer and closer to the earth below. “Death, kill, blood, murder! It exhilarates me!”Just then, Mata Nui noticed that they were about to hit the ground. He realized that would hurt, so he quickly transmuted his hands back to normal and ran into the nearest fridge. Mata Nui had seen Indiana Jones survive a nuclear explosion by hiding in a fridge, so Mata Nui reasoned that he could, too. Of course, this was not a nuclear explosion, but Mata Nui figured that when the branch collided with the ground it would create an explosion similar to a nuclear one.The branch collided with the ground so hard that it created a huge earthquake all over the planet, which caused whole cities to fall apart. This caused several other disasters besides, but that wasn’t very important. What was important was that Mata Nui’s plan had worked. With some effort he punched the fridge door open and walked out.“And people say movies always make things up,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head as he jumped off of the burnt debris of the branch.Mata Nui looked around and saw Ackar, Kiina, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus walking toward him. They did not look beat up or even slightly scratched. Not that Mata Nui expected them to; after all, they couldn’t be his friends if they got hurt in a simple fight like this.“So, what are we going to do next?” said Ackar, like they had just taken an idle stroll through the park.“Hmm,” said Mata Nui. He turned to Tera and Likus and said, “Hey, do you two want to join our group?”“Sure,” said Likus, nodding. “Maybe later we can talk about trading for that Skrall.”“Stop talking about me like I am property,” Bucket-head snapped, but then Tera smacked him in the head.“B-bad Skrall!” said Tera, visibly shaking. “D-Don’t speak back to y-your masters l-like that!”It was at that moment that Bucket-head would have killed them all, but because his plan required them alive he kept quiet.“Okay,” said Mata Nui, folding his arms. “Well, we’ve still got a long way to go, so let’s get going!”So Mata Nui and friends continued on their way to the Great Volcano Night Club, completely ignoring all of the devastation their battle with the gangsters had wrought. Nor did the notice the face of Dah Element Lord of Jungle watching them from a nearby tree, which is pointless foreshadowing that really doesn’t matter. Commentary:

“I am Giantflamingzombiegangsterius!” the entity roared. “And you have freed me from my prison. Therefore I shall reward you by destroying you and your entire world!”

First: Your name is stupid.Second: Destroying the entire world doesn't seem like a good reward. I want a Wii instead.

“You used improper grammar again!” said the Grammar Nazi. “Anyway, you ended a sentence with a proposition. Therefore I must send you to the grammar class . . . of Death!”

Death has had to take up a teaching job in order to pay his bills. Reaping the souls of the dead just doesn't pay enough to survive in this economy.-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Apr 18 2012 - 08:44 AM.

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#29 Offline hervanax

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Posted Apr 18 2012 - 03:08 PM

“I no speak improper grammar. I speak good grammar. I is good English speaker, yes. Now go I kill gangsters to.”him tarzan“And you have freed me from my prison. Therefore I shall reward you by destroying you and your entire world!”i want a ponywhich in turn destroyed the wind gust.no windgivinlifefromkiniaclapingiusonly one stupidly named entity per chapterit seems that your motto for adding words to a chapter is "just add entity"
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#30 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Apr 25 2012 - 09:10 AM

“I no speak improper grammar. I speak good grammar. I is good English speaker, yes. Now go I kill gangsters to.”him tarzan“And you have freed me from my prison. Therefore I shall reward you by destroying you and your entire world!”i want a ponywhich in turn destroyed the wind gust.no windgivinlifefromkiniaclapingiusonly one stupidly named entity per chapterit seems that your motto for adding words to a chapter is "just add entity"

1) No, he grammar school dropout :P2) Do you want my little pony?3) Well, it works, doesn't it?So anyway, it's Wednesday again, I think, which means you guys get to read another chapter straight from the morbid mind of a suger-hyped Toa (AKA me :P ). Here it is:

Chapter X: The Champions of Air Guitar

Subtitle: Ackar and Likus act even stupider than usual

“Hey,” said Mata Nui, stopping suddenly. “I see a shiny penny!”Everyone else stopped and looked as Mata Nui bent over to pick up the penny.“Wait a minute,” said Mata Nui as he looked at the penny. “This isn’t a shiny new penny. It’s something else.”The ‘penny’ was a coin, but as Mata Nui had already said, definitely not a penny. It had a design on it like a maze and, as they watched, it reconfigured itself for some mysterious reason.“That looks to me like a map,” said Bucket-head. “We could use it to find the Great Volcano Night Club. Clearly, the map reconfigures itself to whatever shape the Maze happens to be in. Therefore, if we regularly consult this coin, we should be able to find the center of the Maze easily, which is where the Great Volcano Night Club is.”“Meh,” said Mata Nui, throwing it aside. “I’m not going to use something a Skrall thinks could help us.”“But it could,” Bucket-head insisted. “We’ll just get lost without it, right, Oris, Likus, Tera?”“I wasn’t lost,” Oris insisted. “Besides, that is definitely not a map of the Maze. It’s just a stupid coin. Doubt you could even spend it.”“We weren’t lost, either!” said Likus. “We know our way around this place like the backs of our hands, right, Tera?”But Tera was looking at the back of his hand with fear and amazement. “W-Whoa. I-I’ve never s-seen this before. It scares me.”“Well, we still don’t need a map,” Likus insisted. “We’re not stupid.”“Perhaps you are right,” said Bucket-head. “I doubt any of you are smart enough to use a map anyway, so it really would have been useless to hold onto.”“Darn right,” said Mata Nui, glaring at Bucket-head. He paused, as if thinking, and then said, “Wait, what did you just say?”“Exactly,” said Bucket-head.“Well, I think we can find our way around here without the help of a coin,” said Mata Nui. “My sense of direction is infallible! Watch and be amazed as I lead us directly to where we need to go!”-They were lost, but Mata Nui didn’t want to admit it.“Obviously, the Great Volcano Night Club is, um, this way,” said Mata Nui, pointing in a random direction.“Why?” asked Bucket-head.“Because if I had a night club, I would put it over there,” Mata Nui replied.“I don’t see a night club, Mata Nui,” said Ackar, peering in the direction Mata Nui was pointing in. “Then again, maybe my eyes just aren’t as good as the used to be. I remember when I was young, how I could see even the tiniest particle of dust three thousand miles away! Of course, if it was three thousand and one miles away, then I couldn’t see it, but point is I had good vision because I didn’t sit in front of the television playing video games all day. That reminds me of how much I hate video games, with their Nintendo and Minecraft and Sony and Wii and PSP and Sega Genesis-““We get it, Ackar,” said Kiina, sounding bored. “You’re old.”“I’m just imparting the wisdom of my accumulated years of wisdom,” Ackar insisted. “You should listen to me more often. I am an elder, therefore I am wise.”“Old people aren’t cool,” Likus said defiantly. “They can’t play air guitar like us.”“Oh, we can’t, can we?” said Ackar, looking at Likus with dislike. “When I was a kid, I was an air guitar champion! No one could beat me in an air guitar competition!”“So you think you still got the moves, then, old man?” said Likus as he pulled out his air guitar. “Or are you just all talk?”“I may be old, but I’m not stupid,” said Ackar as he began strumming his own air guitar. “See this? It’s an Aero 5000, quite an old one, but better than most of the new crud they release nowadays.”“Uh oh!” said Tera, his hands going to his mouth in shock. “D-don’t try it, Likus. A-Aero 5000s are t-the b-b-best air guitars i-in the w-whole world. Y-You’ll die if y-you take him o-on, Likus.”“Wait, there are different air guitar models?” said Bucket-head. “That makes no sense whatsoever.”“Well, I paid good money for mine back in the day,” said Ackar. “I can still play a mean tune. Watch and be amazed!”Ackar began strumming his air guitar, saying, “Duh, duh, dah, dah, duh, duh, duh!”His air guitar moves were so wicked awesome that it summoned an army of the dead that immediately exploded because they couldn’t exist. This in turn caused an armada of vultures to descend on the newly revived corpses, but because the army was made of bones, the vultures choked on the bones and they all died. Thus they were imbued with the dark magic that brought the army of the dead to life in the first place, creating zombie vultures that flew away, never to be seen again.“That’s pretty impressive,” said Likus. “But I have an Aeolus 95F, the newest model. Now you, Ackar, watch and be amazed as I show up that old stick of yours.”And then Likus started to rock out, saying, “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!”This summoned a meteorite from the heavens that crashed into the earth. Inside the meteorite was an alien parasite that burst out from its rocky shell and destroyed several cities before dinosaurs from the future came to destroy it. This resulted in an epic battle that decimated half of the planet, although fortunately it was only the half that 4Kid’s headquarters was on.“How did your air guitar moves do all of that?” asked Bucket-head. “And, again, how the heck are there different air guitar models?”“It appears we are evenly matched,” said Ackar to Likus.“Yes, it appears that we are,” said Likus. “Except, you know, I’m better than you.”“Stop your air guitar competitions,” Mata Nui said to Ackar and Likus. “We’ve gone on enough tangents as it is. Do any more and no one will want to read this comedy anymore.”“Aw, but tangents are fun,” Likus complained.“Back in my day, we never went on tangents,” Ackar said. “We always stayed on subject, never deviated from it even once. Yep. That reminds me of the time I dated the Queen of England, boy was that weird . . .”“Hey, everybody, look!” said Kiina, pointing ahead. “I hear something!”“Not more characters to add to the main cast?” said Mata Nui in alarm.“No,” said Kiina, shaking her head. “I hear rushing water. Listen.”Everyone strained their ears and listened. Mata Nui didn’t hear anything at first, but soon the sound of rushing water filled his ears. It annoyed him, so he destroyed it, but then the water itself still existed.“There must be a river nearby,” Mata Nui concluded.“Oh, good,” said Bucket-head. “We can bathe. I haven’t taken a bath in forever.”“What’s a bath?” said Mata Nui curiously.“Never mind,” Bucket-head sighed. “Let’s just go see what it is.”“Shut up,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, let’s just go see what it is.”“That’s what I just said,” said Bucket-head.“’That’s what I just said,’ said Bucket-head’,” Mata Nui repeated mockingly. “Get a life, Bucket-head. You can’t go around copying other people forever, you know.”“What? I am NOT copying anyone!” said Bucket-head, but no one heard him because they were already walking in the direction of the river. Grumbling, Bucket-head ran to join them because he didn’t want to be left alone in the Maze.Soon our heroes emerged onto a riverbank. A huge river flowed through the canyon, going who-knows-where. It was as deep as the book Winnie the Pooh and as long as The Lord of the Rings. Not only that, but Mata Nui thought he spied some Octoroks hiding just beneath the surface.“How are we supposed to cross this?” asked Bucket-head, nervously peering into the water. “It looks too deep to walk through and we don’t have a bo-“A loud crashing sound caused Bucket-head to nearly jump into the water. Regaining his balance before he could fall in, Bucket-head turned around and saw that Mata Nui and Ackar had cut down one of the huge trees near the river. Not only that, but they had already carved it into the shape of a cruise liner, complete with swimming pool and shopping centers.Mata Nui was wearing a captain’s hat and gestured at the boat, saying, “Welcome aboard the S. S. Not Bucket-head. I will be your captain today, Captain Mata Nui.”“Why did you name it the S. S. Not Bucket-head?” Bucket-head asked.“Because it’s not Bucket-head,” Mata Nui replied. “Duh.”Bucket-head wanted to tell Mata Nui how stupid he was, but then remembered how Mata Nui threatened to ‘remember’ the promise he had made earlier. So instead Bucket-head quietly followed the others up into the Not Bucket-head, although he wondered what would happen if the ship ‘accidentally’ sprung a leak while Mata Nui was in the lower floors.It wouldn’t work, he decided. Mata Nui would just use me as a plug.Once everyone was aboard, Mata Nui kicked the ship out of the sand. The S. S. Not Bucket-head landed in the water with a splash and Mata Nui expertly jumped onto it. Soon the ship went going down the river, peacefully floating without any guidance from Mata Nui or the others. It seemed extremely unlikely anything random could happen that could result in the ship's destruction, but I think we all know better, don't we?Commentary:

Soon our heroes emerged onto a riverbank. A huge river flowed through the canyon, going who-knows-where. It was as deep as Twilight and as long as The Lord of the Rings. Not only that, but Mata Nui thought he spied some Octoroks hiding just beneath the surface.

Which is to say it is extremely shallow and ridiculously long.Also, for those who may not know, Octoroks are a type of enemy from the Legend of Zelda video games. They're usually water dwellers, hence why there were some in the lake here.-TNTOS-

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#31 Offline hervanax

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Posted Apr 26 2012 - 02:15 PM

this was such a pointless chapterbut it was awsomeThat reminds me of how much I hate video games, with their Nintendo and Minecraft and Sony and Wii and PSP and Sega Genesisi agree that almost all video games are stupid these days but ackar YOU BASH MINECRAFT ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL GO CREEPER ALL OVER YOUR FACE OLD MAN(that was in no way directed at the author of this comedy)“Aw, but tangents are fun,” Likus complained.amen brotheri predict that the lord of water will be there next victem
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#32 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 04 2012 - 08:47 AM

this was such a pointless chapterbut it was awsomeThat reminds me of how much I hate video games, with their Nintendo and Minecraft and Sony and Wii and PSP and Sega Genesisi agree that almost all video games are stupid these days but ackar YOU BASH MINECRAFT ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL GO CREEPER ALL OVER YOUR FACE OLD MAN(that was in no way directed at the author of this comedy)“Aw, but tangents are fun,” Likus complained.amen brotheri predict that the lord of water will be there next victem

1) The best chapters are the most awesome and pointless ones2) Ackar doesn't like anything except prunes because he's an annoying stereotype, so don't feel too offended3) Quite true4) An accurate prediction if I ever saw one.Due to the forums being down, I was unable to post a new chapter of TLE. So I am posting the new chapter today, but rest assured that I will go back to posting a new chapter ever Wednesday next week.So, without further ado, here is the next chapter:

Chapter XI: Gone Fishing

Subtitle: Dah Element Lords finally make an appearance

The S. S. Not Bucket-head sailed peacefully down the river. In Mata Nui’s opinion, things were a little too peaceful. Yet, even though there did not appear to be anything dangerous, Mata Nui’s awesome senses were tingling, which made him on edge. In fact, he was so tense that when Tera asked him where they would stop, Mata Nui’s answer was so harsh that it made Tera cry so hard that the river actually rose a foot due to the large amount of tears he produced.“I don’t really like Tera, either, but that seemed kind of harsh,” said Ackar, as they watched Likus patting Tera on the back soothingly. “I mean, he just asked a simple question. That’s all.”“Eh, sorry,” said Mata Nui, although his tone indicated that he was clearly not. “It’s just things are going too good. I mean, this is an action comedy. Therefore we must have action. So why isn’t there any action?”Before Ackar could begin reminiscing about the good old days when they didn’t need action to make a funny comedy, the waters suddenly became violent. The waters shook the ship so badly that everyone was thrown off their feet. No, that’s not a mistake. They were lying on the ship’s deck and when it shook, they were thrown to their feet. Shut up.“Uh oh!” said Kiina as the Not Bucket-head shook violently again. “Did we hit an iceberg?”“Everyone except for Bucket-head, to the lifeboats!” said Mata Nui.“’Except for Bucket-head’?” Bucket-head said, staring at Mata Nui in disbelief. “Hey, that’s not-“With another violent shake, the S. S. Not Bucket-head overturned, tossing them all overboard. Not only that, but the ship itself exploded into a fiery ball of redundant fire. Fortunately, Mata Nui and friends could swim. Unfortunately, Bucket-head could swim, too.“Why is that unfortunate?” Bucket-head yelled.Because you’re stupid. Duh.Before Bucket-head could argue with me, a giant hand made out of water emerged from the river and seized Mata Nui and Kiina. It then pulled them under, deep beneath the surface of the water, away from the light and air, which makes it sound a lot more serious than it was. It was actually quite soothing in the water, which just goes to show you that you shouldn’t believe everything you read.Then they stopped, floating underwater for what felt like an eternity, until Kiina said, “Um, Mata Nui?”“Yeah, Kiina?” said Mata Nui, who still had his captain’s hat on.“We’re underwater, right?”“It depends,” Mata Nui replied. “Do you believe any of this really exists? Or is this all in our head? Do even we exist? Or is life our mind’s attempts to organize the chaos that exists in everything?”“What?” said Kiina.“We’re underwater,” said Mata Nui. “So what about it?”“So how are we breathing and talking if we’re underwater?”“Well, we’ve never really respected physics before, so . . .” said Mata Nui, but just then a deep, echoing voice spoke.“You live only because the waters answer to me,” the voice said, which seemed to come from everywhere at once. “The water drowns who I want it to drown when I want them to drown. And I do not want either of you to drown.”“Oh, how sweet,” said Mata Nui. “Who the heck are you?”“I am Dah Element Lord of Water, Jutan,” the voice answered. “But you may call me Jutan for short.”“I am Mata Nui,” Mata Nui said. “And, if I remember correctly, I came here to kick you and your friends’ butts.”“And save Gresh and Berix,” Kiina added.“Yeah, that too,” Mata Nui said offhandedly.“I am sorry, but you will not be allowed to kick the butts of me or my friends,” Jutan said.Mata Nui’s eyes widened. “Wait, you have multiple butts?”“No,” said Jutan, shaking his head. “Considering my true essence, I am not even sure I have a real butt anymore.”“What must that be like?” said Mata Nui in wonder. “To not have a butt, why that could-““Mata Nui,” said Kiina nervously, gesturing with her trident. “Uh, I would stop the butt jokes if I were you.”“Why’s that?” asked Mata Nui.“’Cause I see some BZP staff members standing over there, not looking very approving of our jokes,” said Kiina. “Maybe we should just get back to making fun of Bucket-head.”Mata Nui looked over and saw a handful of BZP staff members standing in the water. He knew they were BZP staff because they wore badges that read ‘Official BZP Party Poopers.’ And, like Kiina said, they didn’t look very happy about Mata Nui’s butt jokes.“Okay, okay,” said Mata Nui. “Bucket-head is stupid. That okay?”The staff members nodded and then walked away. They were then eaten by a giant shark that happened to be idly swimming by, which then exploded for no apparent reason.Before we get back to the epic confrontation between Mata Nui and Kiina and Jutan, here is a disclaimer from the author of the Legend Trilogy, TNTOS:“The depiction of staff members in this comedy is based on an inaccurate stereotype of the average BZP staffer. No individual staff members were on the author’s mind as he wrote this scene and he meant no disrespect toward the BZP staff as a whole. Please don’t ban me.”“That was random,” said Mata Nui.“There are many random things in the Maze,” said Jutan. “That is but the least random of them all.”“Why are you talking like that?” asked Mata Nui.“I speak like this to sound impressive and awesome,” Jutan replied. “Am I successful?”“Uh, no,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head. “You just sound full of yourself.”“Be quiet,” said Jutan. “Or I will drown you.”“You don’t have the guts to drown us,” said Mata Nui.Jutan cursed, because Mata Nui was right, but then he said, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am offering you both a place in our gang. Join me, and together, we will rule the galaxy.”“Never,” said Mata Nui, shaking his head again. “Ackar told me; you killed my father!”“Ackar didn’t tell you the whole truth, did he?” said Jutan. “Mata Nui, I am your-““No!” said Kiina. “We are NOT referencing Star Wars. It’s been done so many times it’s not funny anymore.”“You’re no fun,” said Jutan.“I know,” said Mata Nui. “She’s a big killjoy a lot of the time.”Kiina hit Mata Nui on the head and said, “Whose side are you on?”“Most of the time, my own,” Mata Nui replied, earning another whack from Kiina. “Ow! What the heck was that for?”“For being stupid,” Kiina replied.“You’re stupid,” said Mata Nui, folding his arms and pouting like a little child.“You’re both stupid,” said Jutan before Kiina could reply. “Anyway, like I said before I am offering you a place in our gang. So yes or no?”“Well, I don’t see why not,” said Mata Nui with a shrug.“Never!” said Kiina. “There is nothing you can say that will convince us to work for you.”“What if I gave you a free steak dinner?” said Jutan. “We get those all the time at the Great Volcano Night Club, after all.”“Tempting,” said Kiina, “but I want to know why you’re offering this to me and Mata Nui and not to any of the others.”Jutan shrugged, which because he was the water itself created a tsunami somewhere off the coast of Florida. “You are a being of water, Kiina, just as I am, and your man Mata Nui is a being of great power.”“Duh,” said Mata Nui. “We kind of, like, knew that already. That’s like sooooo last week.”“As for your friends above, they are unnecessary,” Jutan answered. “I would but offer them to join if they were warriors of water, but alas they are not. I would especially never ask that Skrall to join. He is stupid.”“At least that’s one thing we agree on,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, like I said, I have no problem with joining your gang.”“Good,” said Jutan. “When you do that, you can give us the eighty trillion dollars and you can get your friends back. We all win. See?”“I don’t get it,” said Kiina. “Why didn’t you just force us to give you the money? Why are you offering us a place in your gang?”“Um, shut up,” said Jutan. “I mean, you guys seem pretty cool. In fact, you’re so cool you don’t want to kick our butts, right?”“Now that I think about it, no,” Mata Nui said, shaking his head. “I mean, yes, I want to kick your butts, but no, I don’t want to join your gang. There would be no story if I went and joined you guys! Plus, you disgust me.”“Why?” said Jutan.“You just do,” Mata Nui replied. “I mean, you’re obviously better than Bucket-head in just about every way, but just because you’re better than Bucket-head doesn’t mean you’re good. It just means you’re better than Bucket-head.”Jutan sighed, which unleashed a cloud of bubbles onto the surface that captured an unfortunate Agori and the bubble with the Agori went into space and he was never seen again. “I was hoping you would be more . . . reasonable.”“You should already know by now,” Mata Nui said, “I am the most unreasonable being ever!”“Too true,” Kiina muttered. “Especially in-““Hey!” said Mata Nui, throwing an annoyed look at Kiina. “What were you going to say?”“It does not matter,” said Jutan. “As you have now made your decision, I think you are old enough to live with the consequences, although I don’t think it will be for very long.”Just then, Mata Nui felt water in his mouth. He was about to ask Jutan why that was when he realized the awful truth: Jutan was drowning him.But Mata Nui hadn’t come this far just to drown. Reaching out with his consciousness, Mata Nui made it impossible for the water to drown him. He didn’t grow scales or anything like that. It just was impossible for the water to drown him. That’s all.“What?” said Jutan in shock. “How did you do that?”“The same way I am going to kick your butt!” said Mata Nui. “Hiya!”Mata Nui kicked out with his leg as hard and as fast as he could. You know how objects grow hotter upon impact? Well, Mata Nui was going so fast that it was actually growing colder, to the point where it struck Jutan – despite Jutan not having a defined physical form at the moment – and sent him flying out of the water. Jutan smashed through planet after planet after planet as he went flying space and then he crashed into the center of the Void and exploded, creating a new universe.“Smoke that,” said Mata Nui.Kiina glanced down and gasped. “Mata Nui, we’ve got to start swimming!”“Why?” said Mata Nui. “This is no time for fun!”“That’s not what I mean!” said Kiina, pointing below. “Quick, below us!”Mata Nui looked down and saw what Kiina was pointing at. The river was freezing from the bottom up and it was rapidly approaching them. If they didn’t swim now, it would probably freeze them and spare them from the stupidity of this comedy’s plot.“Quickly!” said Mata Nui. “We must outrace the ice!”Realistically, there was no way Mata Nui and Kiina could swim fast enough to escape the ice. The ice was moving too fast and they were not swimming fast enough. Even Kiina – who had been the Swimming Champion of the Universe before she met Mata Nui – could not swim fast enough to outrace the oncoming ice.So Mata Nui came up with a brilliant idea. He grabbed Kiina’s arm and said, “This is gonna be a doozy!”“What’s going to be a-“ said Kiina, but Mata Nui ignored her (as usual).He aimed his 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle below and began sucking in water with its sucking feature. Then – when he was sure he had sucked in one billion gallons of water – he unleashed it all in one huge blast behind them. This acted as a rocket, shooting Mata Nui and Kiina throw the river with ease. In fact, the rocket was so powerful that the water actually turned into fire so it was like they were really flying on a real rocket.They broke the river’s surface, both literally and figuratively, but were going so fast that they breached dimensions – passing a Toa of Psionics and a being with wings, who watched in surprise as they went by – and then breached dimensions again and somehow ended up back here. Don’t ask me how they did all of that; they just did.So anyway, Mata Nui and Kiina were now standing on a small strip of stone against a stone barrier. Coincidentally enough, Ackar, Bucket-head, Oris, Tera, and Likus were there, too, playing Uno Attack. Just as Bucket-head was about to press the button that would inevitably fire cards at him, Mata Nui said, “What are you guys doing?”“Nothing,” said Ackar. “We weren’t very important, so we decided to pass the time until you two got back. Bucket-head’s lost five hundred times already.”“It’s not my fault,” said Bucket-head. “You guys keep cheating.”“Bucket-head’s a sore loser,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, guys, we’ve got to get going. Dah Element Lords-“Just then, the ice that had formed on the river erupted as a giant dragon made of ice emerged. It was gigantic, easily bigger than all seven of our heroes combined. Even Mata Nui’s ego could not match its massive bulk, although the dragon itself was probably more humble than Mata Nui.The dragon bore down on Mata Nui and Kiina, who had their backs to it, and it looked like it would get them for sure.But Ackar leapt into the air and slashed at it. He landed, while the dragon itself looked puzzled, as though it wondered what had happened. And indeed, for a moment, nothing seemed to happen. It looked like Ackar hadn’t done a thing to it.A split second later, however, the dragon’s head split into two. The two halves of its head fell to the river with a crash and its body collapsed into a mountain of ice. And, for good measure, it exploded, which sent billions of razor sharp ice shards flying towards Mata Nui and friends.But Mata Nui saw this coming. He aimed his gun and absorbed all of the billions of ice shards. Then he fired the ice shards into space, where they immediately solidified into a new planet. Mata Nui decided to name this planet Mata Nui, as he did not have a planet named after himself yet. But planet Mata Nui exploded because there was no logical way it could remain solid, much to the real Mata Nui’s disappointment.“Man, I thought I was going to get a planet named after me,” said Mata Nui. “Like the Roman gods.”“It’s not that cool,” said Jupiter, king of the Roman gods, appearing suddenly.“It isn’t?” said Mata Nui.“Yep,” said Pluto, who had also appeared out of nowhere. “I mean, my planet isn’t even considered a planet anymore it’s that bad. That’s why I prefer people to name landmarks after me, because landmarks don’t have some arbitrary rules on what constitutes the proper size of landmarks and what doesn’t.”“Hmm,” said Mata Nui. “You two make a good point.”“Of course we do!” said Jupiter. “We are gods! We always make good points!”With that, Jupiter and Pluto disappeared in an explosion of energy, leaving Mata Nui and friends alone at the barrier to wonder about the merits of having a planet named after you. Commentary:

"’Cause I see some BZP staff members standing over there, not looking very approving of our jokes,” said Kiina. “Maybe we should just get back to making fun of Bucket-head.”Mata Nui looked over and saw a handful of BZP staff members standing in the water. He knew they were BZP staff because they wore badges that read ‘Official BZP Party Poopers.’ And, like Kiina said, they didn’t look very happy about Mata Nui’s butt jokes.

That should be a new members group - OBZPPP, or Official BZP Party Poopers :P . I'd definitely be in it because I'm boring like that.

The staff members nodded and then walked away. They were then eaten by a giant shark that happened to be idly swimming by, which then exploded for no apparent reason.Before we get back to the epic confrontation between Mata Nui and Kiina and Jutan, here is a disclaimer from the author of the Legend Trilogy, TNTOS:“The depiction of staff members in this comedy is based on an inaccurate stereotype of the average BZP staffer. No individual staff members were on the author’s mind as he wrote this scene and he meant no disrespect toward the BZP staff as a whole. Please don’t ban me.”

Disclaimer for the disclaimer: The author was being sincere when he wrote the above disclaimer. Any offense BZP staffers (or anyone else, for that matter) takes is entirely unfounded and inappropriate. You may now laugh at my pitiful attempts to be humorous.

They broke the river’s surface, both literally and figuratively, but were going so fast that they breached dimensions – passing a Toa of Psionics and a being with wings, who watched in surprise as they went by – and then breached dimensions again and somehow ended up back here. Don’t ask me how they did all of that; they just did.

For the handful of people who care, the Toa of Psionics and being with wings were Toa Kiriah and Isarot the Tagiki from my most recent epic, Dimension Hoppers. Awkward reference, huh?Does this imply that the Legend Trilogy is in the same multiverse as the Shikaverse? Possibly. After all, there are supposed to be unlimited alternate universes out there. Perhaps the Legendverse was made from the leftovers of the rest of the multiverse, which would explain why it's so messed up I mean awesome.-TNTOS-

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#33 Offline hervanax

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Posted May 04 2012 - 02:24 PM

“Well, we’ve never really respected physics before, so . . .”if that worked in real life i could do anythingi never respect physics“Uh, I would stop the butt jokes if I were you.”the butt stops here“Most of the time, my own,”thats how it is with me“Man, I thought I was going to get a planet named after me,” said Mata Nui. “Like the Roman gods.”dont worry you have an island named after youi would join OBZPPP we should start that group
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#34 Online Sundowner

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Posted May 04 2012 - 07:48 PM

Well BZP is back and so am I. Been a while since I've read this, but I must point this out at first I hated Mata Nui being completely and unnecessarily mean. However I read the original Bionicle 5 movie treatment and saw the ending, then I realized why everyone was being mean to Bucket head and the reason is brilliant. They've obviously read the script. Which may lead to this:
Spoiler
Okay maybe not exactly like that but close to that. I'm sure of it.Another thing to note: If the cast of DH is in this (even if it was brief) does that mean the cast of the Shika trilogy will show up?

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#35 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 09 2012 - 08:44 AM

i would join OBZPPP we should start that group

We should PM Black Six or whoever is in charge of making new members groups and see what they think :P .

Well BZP is back and so am I. Been a while since I've read this, but I must point this out at first I hated Mata Nui being completely and unnecessarily mean. However I read the original Bionicle 5 movie treatment and saw the ending, then I realized why everyone was being mean to Bucket head and the reason is brilliant. They've obviously read the script. Which may lead to this:

Spoiler
Okay maybe not exactly like that but close to that. I'm sure of it.Another thing to note: If the cast of DH is in this (even if it was brief) does that mean the cast of the Shika trilogy will show up?

Mata Nui's always been mean and uncaring. It's just that stupid Bucket-head makes him even meaner than normal.Your reasoning is sound, but if you pay careful attention to some of the earlier chapters, you'd notice that Bucket-head is planning to betray them the whole time, even before they treat him like dirt.And no, neither the Toa Shika nor any other character from the Shika Trilogy will appear in TLE. There is always TLI, though, so whatever.So it's Wednesday again, which means another pretentious and boring chapter of this boring comedy:

Chapter XII: Anger & Drama

Subtitle: Mata Nui gets another semblance of character development (sort of)

A burst of flame created a massive hole in the stone barrier, but the stone reformed instantly.“Stupid stone barrier!” said Ackar. “When I make a hole in you, that hole stays there. Got it?”“No,” said the stone barrier stubbornly. “You’re not my boss. You can’t tell me what to do!”Ackar hit the stone barrier with his sword in anger. “Stupid fire powers. I got along without them just fine before.”“But fire is cool, isn’t it?” said Mata Nui. “Just think about it; you never need to buy another oven ever again!”“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty cool,” Ackar admitted as he turned back to Mata Nui. “But do we really need to do this?”Likus – who was playing keep-away with Tera, tossing Bucket-head’s sword between them while the Skrall himself tried to get it – said, “No, but it sure is fun.”“That’s not what I meant,” said Ackar, shaking his head. “What I meant was do we need to save Gresh and Berix?”“That’s what we’re doing?” said Mata Nui. “Er, I mean, of course we should, Ackar. They’re our friends.”“But we’re your friends, too,” said Ackar. “I mean, you keep thinking about your friends that aren’t here when you should be really worrying about the friends you have now.”“I agree with Ackar,” said Oris. “Although I have no idea who Gresh or Berix are, I don’t want to keep wandering around here forever. We should leave or something.”“Yeah,” said Likus as he tossed Bucket-head’s sword to Tera, who missed, which allowed Bucket-head to finally get his sword back. “What’s the plan, Mata Nui? What are we going to do now?”Mata Nui looked at his ragtag band of friends. They were stuck between a frozen river and a stone barrier that they couldn’t cross. They didn’t want to go any further, but he couldn’t send them back. It would be impossible for them to go home, especially since they were main characters, which meant they couldn’t go back even if they wanted to.Which kind of made this inner turmoil unnecessary, but the script said Mata Nui was torn, so he had to act that way. He fell to the ground and buried his face in his hands as the others continually pestered him with questions like “What are we going to do?” “Where are we going?” “Is there a McDonald’s around here or something?” (That last question was from Likus.)Finally, Mata Nui snapped, “I don’t know where we’re going, what we’re going to do, or where the nearest McDonald’s is!”Mata Nui was so angry that the stone barrier – which was now afraid – exploded. The script says Mata Nui’s new gravity powers did it, but I, the narrator, am inclined to believe it was Mata Nui’s angry that made the stone barrier afraid and convinced it to kill itself. And my own canon is always correct because the stuff produced from the guys who make BIONICLE is always wrong. So there.Without waiting for Mata Nui, the others ran through the gap in the barrier. This was not because they were afraid; rather, they ran through it like children leaving school at the end of the day. They were jumping and screaming and yelling and setting off explosions and all of that other jazz. None noticed Mata Nui, who stood back there, looking a bit surprised that everyone had left him behind like that.Maybe they were never really my friends to begin with, Mata Nui thought. You know, I’m going to sit down and write emo poetry to describe my feelings.So Mata Nui sat down on a chair that had appeared out of nowhere, pulled out a rather sticky pad of paper and a half-eaten pencil, and began writing thus:I am sadYou are sadThey are sadWe are sadEveryone is sadSadness is sadThe world is sadAnd happiness . . . is sad.But Mata Nui realized two things when he finished writing this poem:
    [*]This joke had already been done before, by Ackar, in the last comedy; and[*]Mata Nui couldn’t write poetry[/list]So Mata Nui threw the poetry away and ran after the others, feeling unnecessarily emo as he did.-The others had not gone very far in when Mata Nui caught up with them. At first Mata Nui thought they were just being stupid, but then he saw that they had come upon yet another river.Except this river was different. It was not a river of water, but a river of rock; huge, jagged boulders hurling down a steep incline at a million miles per hour. Exactly where the rocks came from – or, for that matter, where the heck they were going – was uncertain, but it looked nigh impossible to navigate for a normal mortal.“We could try swimming,” said Likus.“Don’t be stupid,” said Ackar. “We can’t swim in rocks.”“But Chuck Norris can,” said Likus defensively.“That’s because he’s Chuck Norris,” Ackar replied. “He can do anything.”“Hey, guys, what’s up?” said Mata Nui as he approached them.The others looked at Mata Nui, and then as a group took a few steps away from him. Mata Nui smelled himself briefly; no, he didn’t smell that bad. That meant they were staying away from him for a different reason, but Mata Nui didn’t know why anyone would want to stay away from him. He decided it didn’t matter; he could be awesome on his own.“Say,” said Oris, looking around, “not that I am concerned for him or anything, but does anyone know where Bucket-head went? I don’t see him.”“Uh oh,” said Ackar, looking around. “I knew we couldn’t trust that Skrall. He ran out on us.”“Yeah, he probably did,” said Mata Nui, nodding. “Skrall are stupid and untrustworthy. We don’t need him.”Just then, someone yelled, “Help! Someone help me!” and, looking around, Mata Nui and friends spotted Bucket-head in the middle of the river of rock. He appeared to have stumbled and, if he wasn’t saved soon, he would probably get crushed to death by the oncoming boulders.“Help!” Bucket-head shouted. “Someone help me, before the boulders squish me!”“I don’t know,” said Mata Nui, scratching his chin unconcernedly. “Should we help him, guys?”“No,” said Ackar flatly. “If he gets crushed to death, so what? He’s just a dirty, sneaking Skrall anyway. We don’t need his kind.”“I agree,” said Kiina, nodding. “He’s the stupidest moron I’ve ever known, not to mention he’s a Skrall.”“Meh,” said Oris with a shrug. “We’ll lose a valuable meat shield if we let him die, but on the other hand, we don’t really need meat shields if you think about it.”The only two who weren’t insulting Bucket-head were Likus and Tera.Likus turned to Tera and said, “Tera, do you know what will happen if that Skrall gets killed?”“U-Um, the w-world will be a better p-place?” said Tera, who seemed terrified at the boulders, which for some reason or another hadn’t squashed Bucket-head yet.“Well, that, too,” said Likus. “But we’ll lose our Skrall. Remember? Mata Nui is going to give him to us.”“Boulders scare me,” Tera replied. “B-But you’re r-right. H-He’s our S-Skrall.”“So we need to rescue him,” said Likus. “That way, when we get out of the maze, we will have our own personal slave! Er, I mean, servant.”“S-So what’s the p-plan?” Tera asked.“I think you know,” Likus replied.“N-No, I don’t,” Tera said.“Never mind,” Likus sighed. “Just follow my lead.”So Likus leapt into the river of boulders and started swimming through it. So did Tera, although he was much more reluctant than Likus. During their swim they fought rock snakes, rock piranhas, and rock rocks. Tera also got caught on a rock seaweed, but he managed to free himself using his sawed off shot gun.Soon Likus and Tera reached Bucket-head, who for the sake of the joke was floating in the river of rock (don’t ask me how). They gave him a life preserver and pulled him back to shore, although it was harder to go against the flow of the river than it was to go with it. Tera was nearly swept away at one point, but they finally reached the shore, throwing Bucket-head onto it first as they climbed up.“Wow,” said Bucket-head as Likus and Tera dripped rocks. “You saved me. You-““Is he our Skrall now?” Likus asked Mata Nui eagerly.Mata Nui nodded. “Well, since you saved him, I guess so.”“Wait a minute!” said Bucket-head, jumping to his feet. “I am not a piece of property to be sold-““Ah, but I am not selling you,” Mata Nui pointed out. “I am just giving you over to Likus and Tera to be their slave for life. There’s a difference.”“Whatever!” said Bucket-head, throwing up his hands in anger. “The point is, I am not a piece of property to be sold, given away, or discarded. I am a sapient being with feelings, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and ideas of my own. You have no right to disregard my inalienable rights as a Skrall. I am not a dumb animal that can be sold or given away or even slaughtered for food. I demand respect and equality, and if you will not give that to me, then give me death.”“Wow, Mata Nui,” said Likus, impressed. “You taught him oratory!”At this, Bucket-head would probably have killed everyone in this comedy had Kiina not caught everyone’s attention by shooting Ackar with a blast of water. Ackar slammed into the side of the mountain as Mata Nui rushed over to help him back up.“What was that for?” asked Ackar, glaring at Kiina.“Yeah, Kiina,” said Mata Nui. “I know you’ve never really approved of my choice of friends and whatnot, but that was harsh.”“Just teaching him a lesson,” Kiina replied, as Oris, Likus, Tera, and Bucket-head kind of melted into the background, unimportant to this scene.Mata Nui was mystified. “Teaching him a lesson? You mean Ackar dropped out of school?”“No!” said Kiina. “What I mean is that Ackar says he’s your best friend, but he obviously doesn’t mean it. What he means is that he’s your best friend when he agrees with your decisions or when you give him good gifts.”“So you attacked me from behind?” said Ackar angrily. “You’re a five letter word I can’t say on BZP, do you know that?”“I was just showing you how it felt,” Kiina replied.Ackar paused. Kiina’s words had struck a chord. He reflected on his attitude toward Mata Nui for most of this journey. He had been a cranky, complaining old man who was never happy with Mata Nui’s decisions. Upon reflection, he realized he hadn’t been very supportive of Mata Nui. He remembered what it had been like to be a leader in the army during the war, which had been stressful for him (well, kind of). He had failed to step into Mata Nui’s shoes and understand what his friend was going through.So he asked, “Mata Nui, may I wear your shoes?”“What?” said Mata Nui, looking at Ackar, confused.“Never mind,” said Ackar. “Point is, I am sorry for being such a four letter word we can’t say on BZP earlier. I forgot that you do everything with your friends in mind, both us and Gresh and Berix. I forgot how hard it is to be a good friend, and that friendship isn’t about being friends through only good times, but bad times, too.”“What?” said Mata Nui, who had been picking his nose and not paying attention to what Ackar was saying.“Never mind,” Ackar said. “Anyway, what was up with destroying that stone barrier earlier? Never saw you do that before.”“I am not sure,” Mata Nui admitted. “Seems the further north we go, the more power I get. Not that I am complaining, of course. But it could make me a threat to everyone else, so maybe you guys should stay away from me.”Then everyone turned to look at Bucket-head, who looked around at the others and said, “What?”“You’re supposed to say something now,” said Oris. “The script says so.”Bucket-head pulled out his copy of the script and read it. His face grew steadily darker the further he read. “No. I am not going to say that about Mata Nui. Never.”“I only said all that stuff about friendship earlier because the script said so,” said Ackar. “So you’ve got to say that, too.”“Fine.” Bucket-head sighed heavily. He turned to Mata Nui and said, in a flat, unenthusiastic voice, “Mata Nui, you are a great leader. No one wants anyone else but you to be leader. I . . .” Bucket-head struggled for a moment, then continued, in the same unenthusiastic voice, “. . . I am sure you will lead us through this strange place victoriously and triumphantly.”“Thanks, guys,” said Mata Nui, his eyes watery as he looked at the group. “You’re my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Except for Bucket-head, who is stupid.”“Not complaining about that,” Bucket-head murmured.“Now that we’ve got that pesky character development out of the way,” said Mata Nui as the group looked back at the river of rock, “how the heck are we supposed to cross this river?”“You must skip across the boulders,” said Bucket-head. “If you miss one, though, you’ll be crushed for sure.”“That can’t be it,” said Mata Nui, stroking his chin. Then he snapped his fingers and said, “I got it! We have to skip from boulder to boulder. We must be careful, however, otherwise we’ll get crushed.”“That’s what I said,” said Bucket-head.“Oh, shut up,” Kiina snapped. “Can’t you let others have the spotlight at least once? You Skrall are so selfish.”Again, Bucket-head would probably have killed everyone there had Mata Nui not said, “All right, gang, let’s do some rock skipping!”Commentary:No commentary for today. Sorry.-TNTOS-

    Edited by TNTOS, May 09 2012 - 08:49 AM.

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#36 Offline hervanax

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Posted May 11 2012 - 06:42 AM

this chapter seemed to be just an empty space that needed to be filledoh well it was funny“You taught him oratory!”whats oratory? (i feel as stupid as bucket-head)and thats all i have to say
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#37 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 16 2012 - 08:55 AM

this chapter seemed to be just an empty space that needed to be filledoh well it was funny“You taught him oratory!”whats oratory? (i feel as stupid as bucket-head)and thats all i have to say

1) That basically describes this entire comedy (lol :P )2) Oratory is the art of speaking well, if I understand it correctly. And don't feel stupid because Bucket-head is the only truly stupid person out there :P Well, it's Wednesday again, which means another filler chapter. So enjoy:

Chapter XIII: Watch Out!

Subtitle: Exclamation marks make titles more exciting!

Now Mata Nui and his friends all had at some point done something more awesome than skipping across boulders that were constantly in motion. Thus, it was not very hard for our heroes to skip from rock to rock. And Bucket-head, despite being such a moron, was the most skillful, while Ackar kept melting holes in the rocks he landed on due to his plot-induced inability to control his fire powers completely.“I am NOT a moron!” said Bucket-head as he jumped from rock to rock. “Stop saying that!”Never.Bucket-head would probably have killed me had a giant rock shark not jumped out of the river of rock toward him. Bucket-head immediately shot the rock shark out of the air, causing it to explode into tons of pebbles. The pebbles reformed into two rock sharks, which Bucket-head again destroyed by tossing them into the sun.“Where’d that come from?” Oris asked as he leapt to another rock.“More are coming!” Mata Nui said, pointing at the river.He was right. A billion rock sharks appeared, and in the midst of them was a rock shark that was almost as big as a house (noticed I said ‘almost’). They had razor sharp teeth, rough stone bodies, and could swim through the river of rock as though it was water (which is actually kind of insulting to rock sharks, but never mind).“I am Rocksharkticus!” the biggest shark bellowed, which was so loud that it disintegrated the rock sharks nearest it. “I lead the rock sharks. You shall not pass!”“I knew we’d have to fight another entity,” Mata Nui said. “I just knew it!”“Let me deal with this one,” said Ackar.Ackar then ran across the moving boulders and leapt at Rocksharkticus. Rocksharkticus opened its mouth wide, revealing its severe lack of dental hygiene. Ackar landed in its mouth just as Rocksharkticus closed it mouths with an earthshaking boom, seemingly killing our favorite cranky old guy.“Ackar!” said Mata Nui as he batted a rock shark out of the way. “No!”Rocksharkticus smiled, but then it looked sick (like the readers of this comedy probably do right now). Without warning, the rock shark entity exploded, creating such a massive explosion that it vaporized more than half of the billion rock sharks that had been about to attack Mata Nui and friends. Ackar emerged from the explosion, which clung to him like seaweed.“Raw is War!” Ackar bellowed as he wrapped the explosion around his sword and shot it at the rest of the rock sharks.The rock sharks tried to run away, but the explosion incinerated and vaporized them. There was not even one speck of dust to suggest that an army of rock sharks had been there just a few moments ago. Ackar would later be sued by an animals’ rights group for killing so many rock sharks, although Ackar would then kill them because he doesn’t understand the American legal system (or any legal system, for that matter).But back to the story. Mata Nui and friends met with no further opposition as they went down the river of rock, until they saw what looked like a waterfall ahead. But Mata Nui realized it was no waterfall; it was a rock fall. He also realized that if they went over it, they would all be crushed.This realization came too late, however, for the group went over the edge of the rock falls. They would have fallen to their deaths had Mata Nui not acted just in the nick of time (darn it).Using one of his powers, Mata Nui caused him and his friends to land lightly on the ground. As to where the rocks go when they fall over the rock falls, no idea. The script doesn’t say, so we’ll just say they disappear into the Void. That’s where everything disappears to.“Thanks for the save, Mata Nui,” said Bucket-head. “Your gravity powers sure are useful.”“Gravity powers?” Mata Nui said, blinking. “But I didn’t use gravity to get us all down safely.”“Then what did you use?” asked Bucket-head.“That’s none of your business,” Mata Nui snapped. “Unless you’d like me to kick your butt straight to the moon, that is.”“Never mind, then,” said Bucket-head. “I don’t need to know.”“Where are we now?” asked Ackar as he looked around.They were standing in a hellish landscape. Fire jets shot out of craters in the ground. Lava flowed uncontrollably. Bursts of flame were hot enough to burn even each other. And, in the midst of it all, like it was normal, was the entrance to the Great Volcano Night Club itself.“Ah,” said Mata Nui. “The plot must be nearly over.”“So we’re going to finally fight Dah Element Lords?” said Ackar. “I’ve been waiting to do that for a while.”“But we must stick together,” Mata Nui insisted. “And that includes you, Bucket-head.”Bucket-head – who had been collecting a small stone away from the group – hurriedly rejoined them.“I, um, like to collect rocks,” Bucket-head explained to Kiina, who had been looking at him quizzically.“That’s all Skrall do,” said Kiina with a sneer. “Collect rocks.”This time, Bucket-head restrained himself from killing them all. They were close to their destination now, which meant Bucket-head’s plan was nearly complete. If it worked, then he would never have to deal with the stupidity of Mata Nui and the others ever again. But if it failed . . . he decided not to think about it. It wouldn’t fail. It simply wouldn’t.Sorry, Mata Nui, Bucket-head thought as he and the others started walking toward the Great Volcano Night Club’s entrance. But soon, you will forever regret using a condescending tone on Bucket-head the Skrall! Mwahahahaha!He caught himself. Wait, am I laughing evilly? In my own head? What kind of madness is this?Again, he decided not to dwell on it. As long as no one else heard him, it didn’t matter whether he laughed evilly in his own head or not, did it?But it did matter what Bucket-head thought. An owl sat in a tree not far away, although no one noticed it. It stared at Bucket-head as the group passed its tree. It didn’t blink its eyes; in fact, it wasn’t thinking anything at all. The owl just watched them go. Then it tried to fly away, but when it did, a jet of fire immediately turned it into Kentucky Fried Owl. So yeah.Commentary:

“I am Rocksharkticus!” the biggest shark bellowed, which was so loud that it disintegrated the rock sharks nearest it. “I lead the rock sharks. You shall not pass!”

Another entity? Who's the unoriginal moron who wrote this story?Oh, wait :lookaround:

“That’s all Skrall do,” said Kiina with a sneer. “Collect rocks.”

Yeah. Stupid Skrall http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/mad.gif .-TNTOS-

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#38 Offline hervanax

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Posted May 16 2012 - 02:07 PM

this chapter also felt like a filler but it seemed necessarilyi dont have anything else to say
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#39 Online Sundowner

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Posted May 16 2012 - 03:32 PM

I'm back can't believe the story fell of my radar but enough of that. I half agree with hervanax, I say half because it was not filler (regardless of the Rock sharks seriously how do the agori and glatorians sleep on this world with all those creatures?) and it was important in giving away Bucket-head's evil plan. Also seeing as Ackar would get sued by animal rights groups, does this mean we'll get a comedic where are they now ending?I don't think there were any grammar mistakes aside from maybe when Kiina retorted to Bucket head "collecting rocks". One more thing, I miss Berix and Gresh, hopefully they will be rescued soon.
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#40 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 23 2012 - 09:00 AM

this chapter also felt like a filler but it seemed necessarilyi dont have anything else to say

This entire comedy is filler :) .

I'm back can't believe the story fell of my radar but enough of that. I half agree with hervanax, I say half because it was not filler (regardless of the Rock sharks seriously how do the agori and glatorians sleep on this world with all those creatures?) and it was important in giving away Bucket-head's evil plan. Also seeing as Ackar would get sued by animal rights groups, does this mean we'll get a comedic where are they now ending?I don't think there were any grammar mistakes aside from maybe when Kiina retorted to Bucket head "collecting rocks". One more thing, I miss Berix and Gresh, hopefully they will be rescued soon.

1) The Agori and Glatorian don't sleep. They spend their days fighting entities with ridiculous names and their ridiculous minions. I should think that would be obvious by now.2) Gresh and Berix actually do make an appearance in this chapter, so yay and stuffIt's Wednesday again, which means it's that time of the week where I post a new chapter. This one is more plot relevent than the last few have been, so here we go:

Chapter XIV: Betrayal

Subtitle: Dramatic plot twist time!

It did not take long for Mata Nui and friends to reach the entrance to the Great Volcano Night Club. Oddly, there was no bouncer at the entrance. In fact, Mata Nui and friends hadn’t encountered any other living beings on their way there, except for Larry the Cable Guy.This annoyed Ackar, who said, “Aw, come on! I thought we’d be ambushed by ninjas or gangsters or zombies or ninja gangster zombies or something.”“That must mean something plot important is about to happen,” said Mata Nui. “Anyway, that’s not what we were here for. We’re here to kick Dah Element Lords’ collective butts . . . that is, assuming they have butts to kick.”“And rescue Gresh and Berix,” Kiina added. “Right?”“Rescue who now?” said Mata Nui, looking at Kiina in confusion.“Never mind,” Kiina sighed. “We’ll probably end up doing both, so let’s just enter already.”“Okay,” said Mata Nui. He knocked on the door and waited.“Um, Mata Nui?” said Bucket-head after a pause. “What are you waiting for?”“Someone to answer the door, of course,” Mata Nui replied. “It would be rude to just barge in. Of course, politeness isn’t a concept you Skrall can understand, I think.”“Hypocrisy and irony, all in one,” said Bucket-head. “It must be my lucky day.”“You bet it is,” Ackar said.“No, I- ah, never mind,” said Bucket-head, shaking his bucket head, heh, heh, heh.No one answered the door. Mata Nui knocked again, but still no answer. Then he rang the doorbell, which caused the door to explode.“Didn’t intend that,” Mata Nui said. “But hey, at least the door is open now. Come on.”So Mata Nui and his friends entered the Great Volcano Night Club, ready to kick Dah Element Lords’ butts, and, to a lesser extent, rescue Gresh and Berix.-The Great Volcano Night Club was fairly large. Platforms and poles dotted the room, with stools and tables scattered here and there. There were some booths, too, and a bar, which sold non-alcoholic drinks because BZP is a child-friendly website and so cannot feature real alcohol. It would be pretty amusing, though, if Mata Nui- oh, wait, can’t mention that either. Never mind. Let’s just get back to the child-friendly violence.Anyway, Technicolor lights streamed down from the ceiling upon a weird-looking disco floor. Clearly, disco had not yet died here.“I don’t see anyone,” said Mata Nui, who had drawn his trusty rusty 40k MGA. (Author’s note: If it’s rusty, then he should probably get it replaced or cleaned.)“Maybe they’re not home,” said Ackar, looking around. “Hey, is that a brazier?”Ackar was right. Standing in the center of the room – like it wasn’t out of place at all – was a large metal brazier, alight with flames and awesomeness. Exactly what it was doing there, Mata Nui didn’t know. Maybe Dah Element Lords sacrificed goats to the gods or to themselves or something.If that is true, that is a perfectly waste of a good goat, Mata Nui thought.Just then, Bucket-head suddenly ran forward and threw six objects into the braziar; the stone from earlier, a bit of kindling, a bottle of Dasini water, a withered bit of vine, a half-melted ice cube, and a bucket of sand. The objects fell into the brazier, which caused the energies within to start swirling and glowing brightly.“Bucket-head! What did you just do?” Mata Nui demanded.Bucket-head turned to face the others, a triumphant expression on his face. “You are the biggest morons I have ever met, do you know that?”“No, I didn’t know that,” said Mata Nui. “I always thought you must have met people stupider than us.”“That’s not the point,” said Bucket-head. He pointed at the brazier and said, “Don’t you fools get it? All this time, I was not working on my own. The ghost of the Tuma sent me here to make a deal with Dah Element Lords. I only pretended to be your ally so I could get here easier! You fell for my plan.”“You monster!” said Kiina.“I haven’t even done anything and you’re calling me a monster?” said Bucket-head incredulously. Then he shook his head and said, “Never mind. When the two strongest gangs on Bara Magna – the Skrall and Dah Element Lords – combine, not even you fools will be able to stand against our might. Long live Dah Skrallement Lords!”And so Mata Nui and friends watched in horror as the brazier’s energies exploded . . . and nothing happened. No Element Lords. No fighting. Not even a single bullet emerged from the brazier. Bucket-head nervously tapped the brazier, but it didn’t do anything. The brazier just stood there, not doing a thing not doing a thing.“Uh oh,” said Bucket-head, pulling out his copy of the script. “Let’s see . . . Dah Element Lords were supposed to pop out of the brazier and fight you guys. But for some reason they’re . . . they’re not here.”Bucket-head turned around and saw that Mata Nui was cocking his gun, Ackar had drawn his sword, Kiina was spinning her trident around, Oris was nocking an arrow, and Tera and Likus had their air guitars ready. All of them were looking at him and he didn’t like the expressions on their faces.“I knew we couldn’t trust you,” said Ackar as a flame leapt out of his sword and set a nearby sofa on fire.“You were planning to betray us this entire time!” said Likus. “Man, I thought Mata Nui had you trained well!”“You were never a good meat shield,” said Mata Nui, as though that was the worst possible insult he could come up with.Bucket-head was just about ready to cry like a little baby when suddenly a door opened on the other side of the room. Everyone turned to watch as six powerful beings entered the room, chatting among themselves like old friends. They sounded like they had just been having a really awesome party, but their conversation was not important (except apparently for the fact that Chad is cheating on Becky!). What was important was who they were.The six beings looked unlike anything Mata Nui and friends had thus seen. They appeared to be made out of the elements themselves; one fire, one ice, one water, one earth, one sand, and one jungle. They were clearly powerful beings, so Mata Nui had no problem guessing their identities.Pointing dramatically at the six beings, Mata Nui said, “Look! It’s the Beatles!”The six beings immediately stopped and for the first time seemed to notice Mata Nui and friends. For a while, both groups just stared at each other, for neither had been expecting to see the other.Then the lead elemental being, the one of fire, demanded, in a fake Italian mob boss voice, “Who are you people and how’d you get in here?”“Your door exploded, so we thought it was all right for us to come in,” Mata Nui replied.The fire being hit the sand being in the head, saying, “You moron! It was your idea we installed the exploding doorbell in the first place! I knew it was a bad idea.”“You never like any of my ideas,” said the sand being defensively.“Wait!” said the water being, getting in between them before they could fight. “Guys, I recognize those other guys over there. The yellow guy is Mata Nui and those are his friends.”“Wait,” said Mata Nui, peering closely. “Is that . . . Jutan?”“Didn’t we kill you?” Kiina asked.Jutan nodded. “Yeah, but I got better.”“So this is that fool Mata Nui what’s been trying to get his friends,” said Dah Element Lord of Fire. “Interesting. I assume you is here to give us the eighty trillion dollars we agreed upon?”“Actually, we’re here to kick your butts,” Mata Nui replied.“And save Gresh and Berix,” Kiina added.“That too,” said Mata Nui, although he didn’t sound very sincere about it.Bucket-head immediately threw himself to Dah Element Lords’ feet and said, “O great Element Lords! Please, do not kill me! I am not an ally of Mata Nui. I am a emissary sent by the mighty Tuma himself to ask for an alliance between-“Dah Element Lord of Fire smacked Bucket-head in the face, sending Bucket-head flying into a nearby sofa, which exploded. Bucket-head was still alive, though; he just got a really bad booboo.“We, Dah Element Lords, will not ally with Skrall,” said Dah Element Lord of Fire, his body giving off so much heat that it melted Mata Nui’s Popsicle. “We simply want our money, yeah, and if you will give it to us we will give you your friends and send you on your way.”“Never!” said Mata Nui. “Your unreasonable demands shall never be met!”“What, ow, is so unreasonable about that?” asked Bucket-head, still lying in the wreckage of the sofa. “Seriously, they’re just going to, ow, give you your friends back if you give them the money. You’re, ow, just making unnecessary conflict.”“Shut up, Bucket-head,” Ackar snapped. “Or I will come over there and snap your spine in ways you didn’t think it could be snapped.”“Don’t bother,” Bucket-head groaned. “It feels like it’s already broken.”“I can break it some more,” Ackar offered.“So you will not accept our, ah, proposal, I see,” said Dah Element Lord of Fire, folding his arms. “Then maybe we should, ah, discuss other forms of payment.”“Where are our friends?” Mata Nui demanded.“Well, I suppose it won’t hurt if we showed you where they are,” said Dah Element Lord of Fire.With a clap of Dah Element Lord’s hands, the floor in the center of the room collapsed to reveal a boiling pool of lava. At the same time, a tiny cage lowered from an opening in the ceiling until it was only a few feet above the lava pool. In the cage were two familiar beings, one tall and green, the other short and blue.“Gresh! Berix!” said Kiina. “You’re still alive!”The screeching tones of Kiina’s voice-“Hey!” said Kiina. “My voice is not screeching!”Okay, then. The melodious tones of Kiina’s voice awoke Gresh and Berix, who had been sleeping in the cage with chip bags and pizza boxes strewn all over the floor. Better?“Much,” Kiina said.Gresh – who was bound in chains – crawled over to the cage’s bars and said, “Mata Nui? Kiina? Ackar? Isba that really yuba?”“Hey, guys!” said Berix, waving at them like he had just run into them on vacation. “They gave us pizza! And not only that, but cable TV, too!”Berix gestured at a cardboard box in one corner, which had the letters ‘TV’ printed in bold along the top.“Berix, that’s not a television,” said Ackar with a sigh. “It’s a box.”“It is?” said Berix, looking at the box in surprise. “But it looks so real!”“I wonderedba why itba only had one channelba,” said Gresh.Oris looked disgusted. “Those are your friends?”“Yeah,” said Mata Nui, looking at Oris. “Why?”“Never mind,” said Oris, shaking his head. “I just thought . . . whatever.”“It doesn’t matter,” said Dah Element Lord of Fire. “Dah point is, if you choose to fight us, your friends will be sleeping with dah lava eels tonight, if you catch my drift.”“I like sleeping,” said Berix. “In fact, I think that is what I am going to do right now. Good night.”Berix picked up an empty Coke bottle and smashed his head with it. He slumped to the ground, unconscious.“We will save them before you can even lay one dirty finger on them,” said Mata Nui defiantly. “We’re the main characters. We never fail.”“Oh, but I think you are about to fail today,” Dah Element Lord of Fire replied.Dah Element Lord hurled a bolt of fire at the tiny, thin piece of string that had been holding Gresh and Berix’s cage above the lava. The string snapped and the cage fell, just as Mata Nui and the others yelled a collective, “NOOOO!”But then, to their surprise, Bucket-head jumped out of nowhere and caught the cage. He then used the added momentum of the falling cage to carry it over to the other side of the room, where it landed safely.“Bucket-head?” said Mata Nui in surprise. “Why did you save Gresh and Berix? I thought you hated us!”Bucket-head turned to face Mata Nui and the others and said, “You see, Mata Nui, I do not hate you or the others. It was all a trick, you see. I planned to pretend to help Dah Element Lords, but when the time came I would strike them down while they weren’t looking. I never intended to really betray you, despite your own idiocy.”Of course, Bucket-head didn’t actually mean that. He really had been intending on betraying Mata Nui and the others to Dah Element Lords, mostly because he hated them with a burning passion. But when he saw that Dah Element Lords didn’t want to work with the Skrall and that Mata Nui was probably going to personally murder him for his betrayal, Bucket-head decided it made more sense simply to pretend he had always been on Mata Nui’s side and because Mata Nui would probably defeat Dah Element Lords. Exactly where that would lead him, he was unsure, but at least he probably wasn’t going to be killed. Probably.“He’s smarter than I thought,” said Likus. He turned to Mata Nui and said, “You sure trained that Skrall well, Mata Nui.”On second thought, Bucket-head thought. Once we defeat Dah Element Lords, I am going to kill everyone in their sleep in the most gruesome way possible.“So I see your pet Skrall is not as stupid as he appeared,” Dah Element Lord of Fire said. “But that does not mean we will spare your lives. We shall kill all of you – every single one of you – and then take your money from your dead corpses.”“Dead corpses is repetitive,” said Bucket-head.“You’re going to be one if you don’t shut up soon,” Dah Element Lord of Fire snapped. “Although, I suppose, you will be dead soon anyway, whether you shut up or no.”“Fine,” said Mata Nui. “That’s the whole reason I came here anyway. I was looking for some good butts to kick and yours look pretty good.”“That . . . sounds inappropriate,” said Kiina.“Whatever,” said Mata Nui. “Come, my friends! Let us work together to kick these guys’ butts straight to the moon!”Commentary:

“I haven’t even done anything and you’re calling me a monster?” said Bucket-head incredulously. Then he shook his head and said, “Never mind. When the two strongest gangs on Bara Magna – the Skrall and Dah Element Lords – combine, not even you fools will be able to stand against our might. Long live Dah Skrallement Lords!”

Bucket-head may be the smartest character in this comedy, but remember that that is in comparison to characters like Mata Nui or Likus, whose stupidity knows no bounds. In other words, Bucket-head isn't as smart as he thinks he is. After all, no truly intelligent person would ever coin a term as bad as "Dah Skrallement Lords."

Gresh – who was bound in chains – crawled over to the cage’s bars and said, “Mata Nui? Kiina? Ackar? Isba that really yuba?”“Hey, guys!” said Berix, waving at them like he had just run into them on vacation. “They gave us pizza! And not only that, but cable TV, too!”

*Plays clip of people giving a standing ovation*-TNTOS-

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