Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!

Photo

A Continuation


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Voltex

Voltex
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,431 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jun 27 2012 - 09:16 AM

Before you read this continuation, you should read the story that precedes it, otherwise you won't understand anything at all.Here we go.I am confused.I am lying on a table. It looks very clean, very white. The room is bright, and the light hurts my eyes. I blink several times, but I can’t see anything else. I think the walls are white. Maybe the floor is white. There are no windows. Is there a door? There should be a door, right? Do rooms have doors?I do not understand. I vaguely remember a destination. A destination that was mine but not mine, remembered but not remembered.Is that possible? I don’t know.Where was the place? I fell through a hole. Was it a hole? Did I die? Why did I fall? I am so confused. I still do not understand.I remember a face. I do not know who it was, but I know them. Do I know them?Am I insane?I am frustrated. Is that the right word? Is it a word? Why can’t I remember anything? Why don’t I know anything? How come I’m not allowed to understand anything? I am so confused.My eyes hurt. The light is too bright. I want it to go away. I raise my arm and I swat at it, but my arm does not move. Why is it not moving?I look down and I see my arm. It is held to the table by something. What are they called? I don’t remember. I want to remember. I want to know. I want to understand. I am so confused. Let me know what it is.I look at my other arm. It is held by things too. What are they called? Why can’t I remember? Let me remember! I want to know! I want to know! Let me know!There is a sound. The hurting light is stopped and I feel blind. I squint, forgetting my frustration. There is a face, but I cannot see it. It waits and I wait until my eyes let me see. It is a mask. His mask is green. His body is green and white. I know him.Do I know? Can I know? Am I allowed to know?I remember him. Before I left he was there. Why was he there? Why did I fall? I should not have fallen. There was nothing to fall into.Restraints- that is what they are called! They release me and the Toa grabs one of my arms, pulling me off of the table. My feet hit the floor and my legs buckle, but this Toa holds me up. Who is he? Why is he helping me?“Who... are... you?”My voice is dry. My voice is scratchy and it sounds old. My voice sounds dead, like it has not been used for a thousand years. It is very unappealing. I do not like it. I want a different voice. Can I have a different voice?The Toa laughs and guides me into the wall. But it is not a wall, because I just pass through. It is a doorway that is not a doorway, a wall that is not a wall. There is no door and there is no wall. There is a passage and it looks exactly the same.I do not like white. White is making me feel sick and trapped. I want to run away from this confusion. Why can I not run away?“Do not run and I shall guide you.”He speaks. It is a voice I remember but don’t. I do not think he was a Toa. He is a Toa. But he was not. I do not know why I know this. Should I trust him? Do I trust him? I understand. I have no other choice. Or do I have choice? Do I know? What is this?“I will explain everything.”His voice sounds reassuring. Why doesn’t he tell me now? What is his name? What is my name? Why do I not remember?I remember keys shattering on a street as if they were glass.I remember rotting wood collapsing underneath me.I remember that terrible, terrible incident.I remember my name. I remember his name. I remember... I do not remember. It is gone again. It is like a wall against my brain and I do not like it but it will not move, because it is a wall and you cannot move walls. I scrunch myself up and stop. I make the Toa stop with me.I.Will.Remember!“Remember...”My voice still sounds ugly. Is that the right word? I do not care. I will remember. Why can I not remember? It was horrible. Horrible things are remembered. You do not forget horrible things. I will remember horrible things. I will understand!I can remember.It is...It is... so...I do not like it! This is not what I...I do not...So horrible... it is so terrible...The Toa puts his arm around my shoulder. I shrug him off. I know him, I know me, I know everyone. Why am I alive? I did not do anything. I did not do anything good. I did not do anything bad. I did not do anything in between.Why is he here? Where was he? Why is he a Toa?So many questions...Too many answers...I understand... and I do not want to understand.I want to....Be....Confused....I want to be confused... because remembering that is the most awful experience I shall ever encounter within this life.That's it for now. I hope you all enjoyed this, and comments (and more, criticism) are greatly appreciated. I do have plans in mind for a third (and final) entry within this small series, and you can expect to learn more about this Matoran, the Toa, and where they are then.Once more, C&C appreciated.
  • 0

weissbannerv2.jpg


#2 Offline SkywardStriker16

SkywardStriker16
  • Members
  • Steely Visionary

  • 353 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 27 2012 - 09:10 PM

WHAT?I AM SO CONFUSED (although it sounds awesome)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Post the final entry, please. Because I do NOT get this. Not one bit.~TN:TS~
  • 0

THE ASHES - Chapter 2 and some clarification is up!

 

THE ANNIVERSARY EDITION OF TAHU - Chapter 4 is up!


#3 Offline Voltex

Voltex
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,431 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jun 28 2012 - 10:57 AM

WHAT?I AM SO CONFUSED (although it sounds awesome)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Post the final entry, please. Because I do NOT get this. Not one bit.~TN:TS~

Does it sound awesome? Because I think that, if you're coming from utter confusion to total understanding and you want to be confused again, something is seriously, seriously wrong. =PI don't know when I'll post Part Three, but I suppose sometime in the next two weeks.-ibrow

  • 0

weissbannerv2.jpg


#4 Offline fishers64

fishers64
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Mask of Light Unveiled

  • 5,131 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jul 03 2012 - 12:54 PM

“I will explain everything.”

^I hope you do.You have intrigued me so far, making me want the answers to this crazy debacle. For such a long teasing lead-up, this better be good. :) I have to admire the details you have given to further pique my interest. Please resolve it. :)

  • 0

14126183966_9690cb0da3_z.jpg


#5 Offline Voltex

Voltex
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,431 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jul 03 2012 - 03:50 PM

“I will explain everything.”

^I hope you do.You have intrigued me so far, making me want the answers to this crazy debacle. For such a long teasing lead-up, this better be good. :) I have to admire the details you have given to further pique my interest. Please resolve it. :)

I'm hoping it will be good, once I write/finish it. Don't expect too soon though. xDI will resolve it, though. The third will be the last.-ibrow

  • 0

weissbannerv2.jpg


#6 Offline Zaxvo

Zaxvo
  • Members
  • Flying Force!

  • 2,325 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 03 2012 - 10:06 PM

Zaxvo here from the SSCC! Well, I think a good title for this would be "Confused" [yeah, I don't really think "A Story" and "A Continuation" are valid titles,.] because, well, everyone's confused. The Matoran's confused and the reader's confused. I would almost say this is too short. I would have posted the three parts together, into one story. Because this doesn't follow a traditional plot structure, and nothing of note really happens. Yeah, he wakes up. Yeah, a toa helps him walk. Yeah, he wants to understand and then doesn't. but where's the climax? Where's the action? Where's the beginning? If I were to draw out the plot the structure of this story, it would be a flat line. It didn't really feel like anything changed too much. BUT, the plot structure of the first two stories combined shapes up rather nicely. And I imagine throwing the third in there would make it an excellent tale. So, in summary of my criticism, I feel that it's incomplete. It's like being handed a single chapter from the middle of a novel: it doesn't really hold up well on it's own. With the other two bits, I anticipate something spectacular. That said, this is far from rubbish. It's actually quite good, in terms of technical writing and style. You lead the reader on a merry chase through this clearly insane (or intoxicated :P) matoran's head, and while that is strange territory, you do it very very well. So kudos to you there. The other thing is that your grammar is spot on. Seriously. It's magnificent. So again, well done. Lastly, the sheer suspense and intrigue you lay in the story is very powerful...and yet there's no release. So this is double sided, and leads me back in a circle to my criticism. Tons and tons of suspense, but nothing really varies in the story. The suspense is very similar in the beginning as it is in the end, and our questions aren't really answered. So, great grammar, beautifully told [especially considering the subject matter], and well done on the suspense, but don't leave it hanging like that. That just leads to frustration and emphasizes the incomplete nature of the story.
  • 0

#7 Offline Voltex

Voltex
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,431 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jul 05 2012 - 08:57 PM

Thanks for the review, and I'll keep that in mind- rest assured though, Part 3 will answer the questions. The main reason I didn't post this as one story is because, well, when I wrote the first part I thought I was going to leave it at that.And Part 3, simply with the questions being answered, I feel will have a far different tone from the first two- different enough that it warrants a story on its own. Plus, this format keeps you coming back. :evilgrin: Just kidding- I will keep that in mind for the future, however, if I ever decide to write a story along these general lines again.-ibrow
  • 0

weissbannerv2.jpg





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users