Edited by Chro, Oct 31 2012 - 09:19 PM.
Posted Oct 31 2012 - 06:28 PM
Posted Oct 31 2012 - 07:09 PM
Posted Oct 31 2012 - 07:41 PM
None, actually. This and Snowfall are my only two published stories anywhere on the web. I do write a bit much more than I post, so we'll have to see about that.
Now that was a truly beautiful piece, Chro. I'm not familiar with much of your work, and by that I mean absolutely none, but reading this inspired me to want to learn more about what other gems of yours might be hiding in the Library.
Why thank you. While writing I had this mental image of a sort of shapeless, faceless force of unrelenting destruction; thus I didn't describe it like I normally would, but more... indirectly, I suppose.
My initial interest stemmed from the fact that in 2007, I wrote an epic whose antagonists were a group of individuals that referred to themselves as the Dark Legion. The way your own Legion is portrayed in this poem, however, is something that your medium of choice allowed to convey in a fascinating technique. The Legion is not given detail in itself, but through the use of descriptive details and sensory details as well, I had a real, solid sense of what this faction represented.
Thank you. As I said above, the Legion was a formless evil, so I suppose it sort of was more of a symbol.
The Dark Legion seems akin to a metaphor perhaps, for death or warfare, indiscriminately demolishing what it comes in contact with and leaving misery and darkness in its wake. The specific words used to describe what they are capable of reminded me of the James Blunt song No Bravery, capturing this destroyed beauty aspect of what had once been a wonderful realm.
The rhymes seemed forced because they were, yes. Perhaps I'll edit that a bit...
The second half of the poem faltered a little bit for me. I enjoyed the rise of the heroes to quell the Legion's destructive antics, though the tone changed dramatically much too quickly and it was only in the second half that a few of the rhymes felt a tad forced.
Yes, I suppose so. I wanted to make this a bit longer but I also just wanted to get it over and done with; rushing writing clearly gets me nowhere, haha.
I didn't anticipate the conclusion of this poem would rely on the cliché of good triumphing over evil, at least not in such an immediate response sort of way. Maybe that wasn't your intent, but that's what the delivery gave me.
-CedI was considering an ending in which one of two things happened- the Legion returns and continues the march, or the "heroes" become corrupt conquerors themselves. I may have to go back and revise to add that in, eh? Well, glad you found it interesting. I may expand it a bit, actually, so thanks for the suggestions regarding that.
The earlier parts of this poem left me wanting a more bleak, depressing conclusion, as the note you ended on should've been all too obvious. I'm not the best authority to dissect poetry for what's really going on between the verses and stanzas and everything, but the story you told definitely held my attention, and I think that if your transitions between moods is a more gradual shift in the future, your work will improve too. Nicely done, Chro.
Oh shoot, you just reminded me that this was actually supposed to go in COT, as it isn't Bionicle-related at all. Darn. Can I get this moved, please?
I want to emphasize again how much I liked this poem though, because it really was an outstanding piece. While not necessarily tied to the Bionicle world, the imagery suggested a battle between Toa at their myriad adversaries, able to conquer the odds and the darkness and eventually reign triumphant.
Edited by Chro, Nov 01 2012 - 07:22 PM.
Posted Mar 13 2013 - 11:11 PM
[color=rgb(0,128,0);][color=rgb(0,128,0);]Nuile reporting with an unrequested review courtesy of the SSCC. Now there's no getting away from us. [/color][/color]
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Before I say anything else I am going to admit that I am quite ignorant of the mechanics of poetry. My ken, at best, is basic. You have to rhyme: I get that. Then I read free verse and I'm just confused. But I poetry or prose, we use the same words. I am a writer with an aesthetic eye and a taste for words: I understand their tones and their flow and their beauty, and that is what I see here.I respect people who can arrange words into lines that rhyme. But poetry is more than that. It's the people who can go beyond that and write poetry whom I admire. And this, sir, this is poetry.One of poetry's best qualities is its ability to paint vivid pictures without laying any tangible detail. In prose you describe: in poetry you feel. You feel the Legion and their power and the dread they inspire. You feel the strength and ferocity of the battle. You feel the confidence of the Legion and the bravery of the three noble fighters as they fight against their insuperable foes, including the worst of all, Fear himself.There's color and action and a philosophical note of the pitch that rings long after the poem is over. Temptation is born of lust which comes of greed, a form of selfishness, the root of all evil; the lust for power is a strong one, and corruption--a great evil indeed--is seldom far behind. But that is but one interpretation. Worse comes the thought that, perhaps, there was no corruption and no hearts were changed; but evil is in the eye of the beholder. For no matter what we do and no matter who we serve, we will always, in the eyes of some, be evil. It is impossible to please everyone. It is a heavy thought: Goodness is not a measure of how much good we do, but how little evil . . .You may or may not know this, but I am a fan of your work. This may be only the second story I have read, but once again I have enjoyed it very much.[/color]
What is mercy? The Legion knows nothing of thisTo them the conquest brings all bliss.Though now they realize something is amiss
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]This sounds like something I would write, which is a greater insult than you might think . . . I did not feel that it flowed as much as elsewhere, but it was indeed the only place the flow was disrupted; a lone rock jutting into an otherwise smooth river.[/color]
In hearts, such moral shadow sevenfold.
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]It flowed, but it felt a little awkward in that it did not seem to make much sense. It seemed more like a rhmying placeholder than a part of the sentence.I adore stories that incite deep thoughts, and this was one in spades. Poems often are, but not necessarily, and not nearly as often in the past hundred years. Very nicely done; and no surprise. Now go write something more![/color]
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith [/color]
Edited by Nuile: The Wiseguy, Mar 20 2013 - 08:42 PM.
When I know I can't live without a pen and paper, when I know writing is as necessary to me as breathing . . .
I know I am ready to start my voyage.
Posted Mar 16 2013 - 09:18 PM
I've read poetry before, but nothing this great! I love the elaboration you have put into this and is just plainly an interesting read. Please continue with your great work.
0 user(s) are browsing this forum
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users