How I Would Take Over The World
Entry posted by SPIRIT
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Here is how I would take over the world.
Now, the problem with most world domination plans is that you have to be in charge of some sort of army or government. Since becoming a general is pretty risky and it's a real hassle to go through all the time and money required to successfully run for office, really the only way for anyone to easily rise to power over others is to become the chump husband of some monarch.
Then I had a thought...
Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! SPIRIT? What if you were the chump husband? Okay, you marry the princess, all right? Then, uh, you become sultan!
Marry the shrew? I become sultan... The idea has merit!
Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff! YEAAAAAAAAAAAA Kersplat!
Step 1: Marry the shrew
After the three Princes of Wales and the Duke of York, the next two people in line for the British crown are Princess Beatrice of York and Princess Eugenie of York, who are conveniently right around my age. All I have to do is bring one of them on board with my plan, marry her, and badaboom, I'm Prince Consort of York.
Step 2: Drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff
All I have to do is plan an unfortunate "accident" for those ahead of us in line to become head monarch and then blame it on some terrorist group. If lacking a terrorist group, pull a Palpatine and make one up. After that, we'll be crowned Queen and King Consort of the British Commonwealth.
Step 3: Convince the senate to vote us emergency powers
Yep, pull another Palpatine and use the aforementioned terrorist group to convince the British parliament to return emergency powers to the monarchy. One way to do this would be to pool our collective wealth into raising a private army to combat the "threat". Soon we extend our military protection to other members of the commonwealth, gaining further control over such economic powerhouses as Canada, Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, and particularly Pakistan and India. Using their combined economies, we could raise an army to dwarf that of the United States Armed Forces.
We would continue to expand our control over the world, guaranteeing them protection from the Droid Armies (or whatever) until we had managed to expand the Commonwealth to the entire planet. Then we announce that in order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Commonwealth will be reorganized into the first Global Empire, for a safe and secure society which I will assure them will last for ten thousand years.
Step 4: Laugh maniacally
And if none of that works, I guess tomorrow night I'll have to do the same thing I do every night: try to take over the world!
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