Dear J.R.R. Tolkien,

Stop giving your characters so many names. It's confusing, annoying, pointless, and it makes me not want to read your books. If his name is Aragorn, just call him Aragorn; none of this Son of Arathorn, Dúnadan, Longshanks, Strider, Wingfoot, Elessar Telcontar, Envinyatar, Estel, or Throngil nonsense. You pick a name and you stick with it. He maybe gets one or two other names, but this is ridiculous.

And another thing. What's with giving the two main villains essentially the same name? You don't see how this might be extremely confusing? I mean, come on, you made up over twenty languages and the best you can come up with is Sauron and Saruman? Or did you use up all the good ones by giving Aragorn TWELVE DIFFERENT NAMES?

Don't even get me started on the multiple names the other characters get.

Make sure to avoid this next time you reinvent an entire genre of literature.

Ever yours,

SPIRIT

P.S. Merry is a girl's name.

Dear Peter Jackson,

Great job on avoiding so many of Tolkien's errors. Send my regards to composer Howard Shore who is responsible for 90% of the films' success.

Ever yours,

SPIRIT

Dear J.K. Rowling,

You are a genius.

Ever yours,

SPIRIT