Many a time, as I stroll leisurely down the street, glancing at the various passersby, I feel this odd tug inside. Suddenly, the mailman's face flashes just for a moment to remind me of Lewa, or the lady at Wal-Mart looks strangely like a Great Temple Squid. Then, just as quickly, they have their normal faces again, staring at me as though I just burst into a fit of yodeling.

After much thought, I came to realize that these strange flashes are really the everyday people's inner Bionicles coming briefly to light. Thereupon, I Googled "inner plastic" and, along with "low height and lightweight access floor" and a site on bicycle repair, turned up with a website which I doubt had seen the light for, at least, several centuries. Written painstakingly in ink on a waterstained, parchment background, it hesitatingly but surely informed me, in quaint Old English, the information I had been seeking. With the help of a translator and a bit of paraphrasing, I can now pass on to you the truth of getting in touch with your true inner Bionicle.

Part 1

Air Toa

Begin by closing your eyes and ears to the world. Take a moment to imagine yourself with green hair and skin, leaping through the air, soaring through the clouds, falling unceremoniously to the ground with an abrupt SPLAT!

With these images firmly imbedded in your mind, go to the nearest deep, dark forest. Walking is highly preferred, as it returns you to the primitive days when we had no wheels on which to ride. Pay no attention to sore feet or blisters; it's simply another inner experience.

Upon arriving, prepare yourself for the strenuous activities ahead by communing with nature. Hug a tree or two. Dance around with grass on your head. Jump headfirst into a thornbush.

Once you feel you are truly prepared, climb up the highest tree you can find, using only your feet, hands, and teeth. Try to imagine yourself climbing up for your best flight yet. Upon reaching the top, sit on the thinnest possible branch with your feet crossed and their soles pointing up.

Release all the air from your lungs, then breathe in three times, out two times, then in five times, and hold it as long as you can. Don't pass out. Prove you're a tough guy. Real biomechanical beings never pass out. If you feel faint, try to imagine yourself turning green in the face, because blue is a girly color.

On the slight chance you may fall unconscious, try your best to land on something other than your head. If the thought of climbing the tree again turns your hair blue, rest you head against the base of the tree, throw your feet in the air, and continue your activities from that position.

Now, cram as much air into your lungs as possible, and release it one long, high-pitched scream, drawn from deep inside you and dragging out with it all the worry and tension covering the air Toa inside. Once you run completely out of breath, breathe in three times, release four times, breathe again, and scream on a slightly more manly pitch. Repeat. As your heart races, your lungs wheeze, and your throat grows hoarse, you will gradually feel the Toa inside emerging.

Once you feel truly green, release the branch, allow yourself to drop ten or twenty feet, and stop yourself by catching onto a branch with one toe. Hang as long as you can, then drop again. Don't scream. You're brave and tough. As your inner Toa draws closer, remind yourself you can activate your inner Miru at any time.

On the occasion you may already be on the ground, simply allow yourself to fall over and plunk onto the grass. Repeat twelve and a half times.

Upon completing those steps, stand up, stretch your body, grin as wide as possible, and screech the following words: "GLADHAPPY MUCHTIME GRASSPLANT TOAGUY!

We wish you success.

Turakii