So, I found out a lot of stuff today that's hit me pretty hard, and although its nature means I can't go into detail on it, I still want to vent some of my feelings.

As some of you will know, I have for some time been a huge fan of the musician, artist, writer and YouTuber Tom Milsom. I admired and I respected him -- he's talented, he's funny, he said a lot of things that I agreed with and very few that I didn't. In the last few days, some news has come to light -- specifically of a distinctly unhealthy relationship he had with a fan two years ago, who was six or seven years younger than him. It's been a heart-breaking experience -- I cared a great deal about Tom and what he represented, and it came as a real shock to my system.

For the past year or so, I have consistently strived to be more like Tom, both in personality and appearance; I built up a wardrobe that distinctly resembled his and wore it with pride, because he genuinely came across as a wonderful human being, with his adorable behavioural quirks and music that actually caused me to care about music. I've tried to be myself, regardless of how I felt was 'normal' to behave, I've become more forgiving in a healthy way toward other people, and through all this I became a great deal more comfortable with myself and who I am.

When the news broke, it came as a shock to everyone. I don't know how much of it is true -- a fair amount of it certainly seems sketchy -- but there's enough undeniable truth in it to condemn him, and that hurts me, not just because of my adoration of Tom but because of how he must be feeling. If you're familiar with the allegations, or look them up, you probably won't like that idea, but allow me to elaborate: Tom is not the person that he was then. From the statements made by the people closest to him who haven't yet abandoned him, it's clear that he's developed a great deal as a person, and from what statements he himself has made it's clear that he regrets it. The whole way that this has happened is wrong, and he's probably been left feeling very alone by it all, but what I find worst about it is the fact that people are taking things he's said in the past, twisting them and pulling them out of context, to make it appear that Tom is a complete monster. And he's not. He's made some terrible decisions, and I can't justify them or say he shouldn't suffer consequences, but he's said and he's done good things too, and I don't think it's right to actively work to invalidate those.

There's something that Tom once said that I'm going to quote, because I feel it bears relevance to what I'm about to go on to say:

"what's cool is that even though i'll always be tom milsom, i can be completely different people within that"

The Tom Milsom that I have come to know and love and the Tom Milsom who is being revealed now are not the same person, and in my mind I plan to keep it that way. I am going to continue to hold up the values of the Tom I know -- I'm going to continue being myself, I'm going to continue trying to love those around me, I'm going to continue to work at my musical ability and I am probably still going to listen to his music (although not purchase any more), because all those things are good things. The Tom Milsom that I know is a good person, and he may not be the real Tom Milsom, but he's the one I'm going to continue striving to be like, regardless of the facets of his personality he didn't show. I won't be as vocal about my adoration -- the person I want to be is no longer 'Tom Milsom' by name, because that name has been tarnished by the allegations standing against him and what facts have been confirmed or can for the moment be assumed to be true. But I'm still going to remember his values, and I'm still going to remember those things he said, because even if he might not be a good person they are good things, and I won't let them be ruined by the mistakes he made before or during presenting them.

- Indigo Individual