HOW TO COMPOSE AN EARLY BEATLES SONG:

• Choose three chords to repeat over and over.
• Let George do a 15-second solo if he's having a good day.
• Sing about love.

• Play a bunch of pretty chords on the piano.
• Let George do some guitar stuff in the background, but on low volume.
• Pretend your lyrics make sense.

• Make a slow or mid-tempo guitar piece.
• Let George do a 60-second solo if he's having a good day.
• Don't even bother pretending your lyrics make sense.

• Convince John and Paul to let you record something.
• Make a complex guitar piece and a catchy riff.
• Throw in a sitar if you feel like it.
• Compose lyrics with six words or less.

• Start with ten minutes of silence.
• Allow some background noise or dialogue to set the mood.
• Come in slowly with a quiet keyboard, guitar, or bass riff.
• Pick up the tempo a bit and add the rest of the instruments.
• Don't forget all the sound effects!
• Add depressing lyrics.
• Add a guitar solo that traverses the entire fretboard.
• End with ten more minutes of silence.

HOW TO COMPOSE A 1970s QUEEN SONG:

• Alternate between complex grand piano parts and complex guitar parts.
• Add a melodious bassline.
• Layer a few million different vocal harmonies, rerecording yourself for each part. Be sure to hit both really high and really low octaves at different parts of the song.

• Pretend Brian May doesn't exist.

• Grow forty more fingers on each hand.
• Use this to your advantage on keyboards and guitar. Make sure that every note is at least three octaves above or below the previous note.
• Play at Mach 3.
• Make up lyrics as you go.

• Make a simple repeating riff. Play during all the verses.
• Make a second simple reapeating riff. Play during all the choruses.
• Go into a lengthy guitar solo near the song's end.
• Sing lyrics about women and alcohol. Don't forget to stick a bottle-brush down your throat first.

• Make a catchy guitar riff. Play it at the intro and bridge.
• Just hit a bunch of random chords during the verses and hit the whammy bar every twenty seconds.
• Midway through the song, tear off into an unpredictable solo using lots if fingertapping. Stop when your bandmates kick you in the shins.

• Take a traditional or classical piece.
• Add electric guitars.