Today I'm doing something different. Fiction! Mostly fiction... the customer was real... and was actually on the phone... and this happened a few days ago.

Sometimes while at Wal-Mart I deal with customers. Shocking, isn't it?

Sometimes these customers need to learn about something called an instruction manual. You booklets that come with electronic devices.

They also need to learn that Wal-Mart isn't the place to go for every single problem about the product they bought. There is something called a customer support line.

Anyway let's look at a fictional chat log. Why? It will be funny. I like funny things.

Kohaku: Greetings sir! Anything I can help you with today?

Customer: Yes. Yes there is.

Kohaku: What might that be?

Customer: I recently bought Transformers and it won't play in my sons PS2.

Kohaku: Ok.

Customer: I returned it and got a new copy. This one also did not work.

Kohaku: Sounds like you have a problem.

Customer: Yes. What should I do?

Kohaku: Was the system turned on?

Customer: Yes.

Kohaku: Are you sure? That would explain the problem.

Customer: I already said that.

Kohaku: You had the TV turned on too, right?

Customer: Yes...

Kohaku: Good. Now did you put the disk in?

Customer: Yes, I did. Are you going somewhere with this?

Kohaku: Yes we are narrowing down the problem. Now then, you are sure of this?

By now, you can tell the customer is getting annoyed. I myself am having fun.

Customer: YES, I AM SURE!

Kohaku: Calm down, I can't help you if you yell.

By now heads are turning. Fun, isn't it?

Kohaku: Alright. Did you try the disc in an actual DVD player?

Customer: I played both in a DVD player, they both worked.

Kohaku: Uh, huh. So you do know it isn't the disc?

Customer: Yes, I know. I've decided to try another disc.

Wow. Just wow. And to think my real customer wanted to do that.

Kohaku: And you think that would work how?

Customer: Well...

Kohaku: Good answer, sir. Although... wouldn't it make sense to call the manufacturer. In this case Sony.

Customer: However, you should know the solution.

Now I'm annoyed. Very, very annoyed. You shouldn't annoy me.

Kohaku: It isn't my job to know why your system won't read the disc. I didn't make it.

Customer: You should still be able to help!

Kohaku: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Customer: WHY NOT?

Kohaku: I thought we were having a competition on who couldn't listen to the other person.

Customer: WHAT?!

Kohaku: Well, you should have listened. I said what you should have done.

Customer: WHY YOU?! I WANT TO FILE A COMPLAINT!

Kohaku: Would you like to talk to our complaints manager?

Customer: YES!

*GLEE*

Kohaku: Very well then. Please hold while I transport you...

*Uses Mask of Dimensional Gates and we travel to Xia*

Kohaku: We are here. This is where the complaints manager lives.

Kohaku: I hope you like dragons.

Customer: Wha?

Kanohi Dragon hits Customer for 51,293 points of damage.

Customer was defeated by Kanohi Dragon.

Kohaku: This is why I love my job.

The moral is, if you have a problem with a device, call the manufacturer. Not Wal-Mart. If you call Wal-Mart I'll feed you to my pet. And the Kanohi Dragon is a big fan of snack time.

The only thing that was real was the problem and the solution to call the manufacturer. Everything else I made up for my amusement. Except feeding time.

Please note: If this was probably how I could handle annoying customers, I probably would. I have had some customers who really take the cake. Perhaps I'll do some more stories like this. Depending on the reaction.

Kohaku