A Possibilities Attitude
Today the Bones Blog brings you an aspect of opinions and discussion brought up in the past entry Friends Can Disagree ("How to Disagree Intelligently" section) -- the benefit of having a "possibilities attitude." This is a key principle I've found that I think can help a lot of people. Important points bold.
Conflicting Goals
When it comes to opinions and discussion -- indeed, life itself -- people have goals. Goal #1, hopefully, is to be right. To have the opinion that is actually true. To know the truth. (We're talking about thought-opinion here, not personal taste; see "Can Opinions Be Wrong" blog entry, Important Entries content block to the right -- so the kind I define as "theories about reality") I have previously described the three pillars of fiding the truth as logic, all-inclusive research, and an open mind.
But there's a competing goal that often gets in the way. Satisfying the ego. Pride. The goal is "I want to appear confident and I want to feel confident".
This second goal is not evil. Self-confidence is a key part of a healthy mind -- hesitation and doubt can often cause us trouble. For example, if you hesitate while your car spins out in ice into oncoming traffic, you'd better not hesitate to correct and work your way back to the right lane. In in-person disputes, hesitation is (illogically) seen as a sign of weakness -- of being wrong. Doesn't make you wrong, but you might lose any chance of convincing the other person if they are too set in their ways or you run out of time.
However, the two goals often conflict to set up a trap. If a subject comes up in discussion that you haven't really been able to research or think through logically well enough, you will be tempted to say something now now now. Otherwise, you appear "stupid" to many people (non-logicians lol).
So the trap is to grasp onto an opinion -- any opinion -- and defend it to the death. The first idea to come to you becomes "my opinion".
Other times, you have already formed this opinion -- maybe even done a ton of research on it, but someone else disagrees with it. Instead of hearing them out, you simply defend your own opinion. You see their opinion as "wrong -- not even a possibility," simply because you hadn't considered it yourself beforehand or the like. (I call that an "Instant Rejection Fallacy", BTW.)
The idea of it is all about appearances. You want to appear to know you're right. You want to appear confident.
I myself have fallen prey to this trap -- I'll call it the "Confidence Trap" -- many times. Even long after I considered myself a logician, this messed me up a lot. I had a certain dilemma in a subject not allowed on BZP, for example, that I honestly could not for the life of me figure out well enough to be confident in it (something I consider a life and death issue). And even just with little things I've gotten stuck in this trap countless times.
The Confidence Trap
The key concept here is essentially that you only actually give one possibility a chance (or only the possibilities you want to, etc.). After all, if only your opinion is even possible, in your mind, it's far easier to be confident.
Why is this a trap?
Simple -- you've lost sight of finding the truth. Do you know if "your opinion" really does seem to fit the facts? How can you accurately judge that if you are stubbornly refusing to consider other possibilities?
Many people get so entangled in this snare that they actually lose sight of goal #1 completely, or worse, actually think that "my opinion" is the truth. Some people go so far as to think all opinions are subjective, that truth is arbitrary, that there are no absolutes, and other such self-invalidating lines of thinking.
Another thing I've encountered often is confusion over just what an "open mind" is. People generally think they're open minded -- and often they go so far as to see the term "close-minded" as a meaningless insult mudslinging debaters throw around. They tend to think that if they're close-minded in some ways, everybody else is too so it's no crime. "Open" is a vague term, after all -- open to what? Clearly, the term doesn't mean open to anything, or you'd be open to becoming a murder or the like.
Most often, they have confused personal taste with opinions, so they consider themselves open-minded only to an artificially limited range of types of opinion. For example, obviously if you like a Bionicle set, you probably just plain do or you don't. (Although sometimes we can artificially close off some of our own tastes and we can learn to open those up.) And they know that if they have an opinion that a set will sell well/poorly, actual sales results have the final say about what's true. But they often think that universal statements like "This is a low quality set" are off-limits to debate (they miss that quality is part of taste when it comes to entertainment), even though logically, such an opinion is highly questionable.
(Again, see "Can Opinions Be Wrong?" People making that mistake often use the word "opinion" when they really mean personal taste, I've noticed, as if it was a catch-all term. Not always though.)
Doubt doesn't even touch some people's minds who use this approach. They may feel literallty 100% confident that they are right -- and yet be wrong.
Who cares? Well, with Bionicle debate, indeed, who cares? It's just a toy.
But what if you make the same mistake on a life or death issue, and choose wrong?
What if you do this with a career-or-unemployed issue? How about a relationship-fail-or-success choice? You name it, just about any important issue in your life has multiple possibilities, and the consequences of choosing poorly can be huge.
Beyond that, though, is there really such a thing as a small issue?
This trap can, for example, rip up a good relationship merely as a long series of "straw-that-breaks-the-camel's-back" times when someone refuses to listen about the small things. There's always the "if you can't be trusted with the small things" saying to keep in mind. Mental practice with the small things CAN, most definately, help you understand the big things. Time and time again I have learned lessons about reality while debating things as trivial as the Piraka's teeth that later I've been shocked to find helped me understand something far more important.
Besides, an "I'm right no matter what you say" attitude is a big part of what can tear friends and whole communities apart. You might think your "one possibility" attitude in a complaint/debate topic is just a trivial thing about a toy, when in fact it can be more about you as a person and how you relate to other people. People have eyes -- attitudes aren't generally lost on them.
So even on small disagreements, this trap can cause big damage.
Solution
So I think the best way to approach discussion/debate/dispute/argument/opinions/life itself is a "possibilities attitude." Put simply, if you consider multiple possibilities honestly, you're a lot more likely to arrive at the truth. With any question, you try to put into mind multiple possibilities, analyzing them to see which makes the most sense.
In fact, you will actually be even more confident if you embrace it fully!
Self-confidence shouldn't be associated with "your opinion." Too often, people confuse their identity with their opinions. Wrong approach. Instead, treat "your opinion" simply as one possibility, the one you're leaning towards right now, or even the one you're convinced of right now. Base your self-confidence on who you are, not what you think (a lot of times people fail here because they let others dictate to them who they are rather than owning up to their own personal tastes and talents).
For example, when I'm making a Bionicle storyline theory, I don't actually believe it's true (generally).
I know it's possible that it isn't, but I do to create food for thought and go on record that it's the theory I think makes the most sense at the moment. Chances are it will be disproven. I have self-confidence regardless of that, because of my "possibilities" approach. I am confident in my own worth for what it is -- that shouldn't be tied to whatever my opinions happen to be.
So when someone disagrees with you, treat their opinion as an actual possibility. Analyze it honestly for its own worth. Of course, never give into the temptation to agree just because you feel like it either -- but be willing to agree IF it actually makes sense to you.
With more important issues in life, it makes sense, BTW, not to be quite as willing to agree. Especially not with in-person debates, because way too often there's something you are forgetting that you'll later think of (or something you haven't learned yet) that will show you actually were right. But just having the attitude that "I still think you're wrong, but it is a possibility" goes a long way, and ironically actually makes you appear far better than if you appear stubborn. But mull it over in your mind and do more research -- maybe you'll end up changing your mind after all.
A tip -- don't just stop at considering others' points as possibilities. Practice always thinking up a full range of possibilities on your own.
Use your imagination and ask yourself "what else is possible?" This is the best mental practice I know of, and can help you in so many aspects of your life I wouldn't have time to try to list them all.
Of course, you don't always have time to do that. Time constraints have to take first priority, of course, usually. One thing a famous inventor advised though -- take time out to be alone so that you can think. Exact quote or source escapes me, but it's true. Sometimes finding your way is as simple as taking a quiet hour alone to think things through.
"Meditation", as it were, cheesy though that might sound.
A Place for Feeling
Notice that I call this an "attitude." I am implying that this is more emotional than logical. It's sort of both, actually, as I'll get into below. But it's first an attitude.
Emotion is the #1 blockade between a person and the right thing. I'm sure you've heard the saying "a level-head". Star Trek grasped part of this with the idea of Spock the logical Vulcan, seeing logic and emotion as opposites. But these ideas are missing something -- emotion is not the opposite of logic, but rather a foundation of it. You just have to have the right type of foundation.
In the past I've talked about how ultimately emotion is necessary for logic to have a point.
Knowing you're right leads to a feeling of peace and safety. Being right might lead to life instead of death, giving you the chance for positive emotion in your life. Etc. What's the point of anything if there's no positive and negative at the end of the day?
There's another part to it, though -- it takes the right attitude to begin with if you will decide to be logical about a question.
Contrary to popular misconception, logicians like me are just as emotional as anybody else. But we don't let emotion decide our thought-opinions for us. Emotion is for personal taste, logic is for thought. If you have the emotional attitude that you welcome the truth, and that you might not necessarily have found it yet, you can enjoy the process of thinking things through. And you can enjoy the feeling you get as you get closer and closer to the truth.
If you train yourself well enough in logic, you can even get so good at spotting good and bad arguments you can actually "feel" which one makes the most sense far faster than if you took the time to consciously think it through. This is tricky and requires total honesty and total lack of ego, though, so it takes a lot of practice (it's sort of like muscle memory).
Training yourself in the attitude of giving different possibilities a chance can, with practice, make you able to almost uncannily sort out the truth in just seconds (at least as far as you can tell based on what research you have). I would compare the experience to the main character in Ted Dekker's novel Blink (or like the old classic Dune), to in seconds being able to "see" multiple possibilities and choose the right one.
A Place for Thinking
Ultimately, logical thinking and all-inclusive research are the most important parts of a search for the truth. An open mind is a starting point -- but a starting point with no way to judge where to go next is useless. Knowing the common logical fallacies to avoid, knowing the basics of validity and soundness, etc. are huge keys. This is part of why I say that logic isn't so much a field like astrophysics or engineering, but something that everybody can benefit from, sort of like a healthy diet.
But a possibilities attitude can help you even if you know nothing about logic, and even if you have no idea where to begin researching or lack the time.
For example. If you hear the allegation "Five thousand people can't be wrong!" in an ad, you think of the possibility "but maybe those people have different needs or wants than me." You don't have to know that's the logical fallacy of "Ad Populum" to figure out for yourself that it's invalid. Simply consider if there's any realistic way for the statement/argument to be false.
When it comes down to the wire in debate, you'll find that often this approach means you have to hold your tongue or say "I'm not sure about that yet" way more often. Sometimes you just have to swallow and face up to that when you take this attitude. Because you can't just feel your way to the truth most of the time -- you do have to consciously think.
And it cannot stop at just thinking -- research is needed. But thinking first about what kind of research is a good starting point is wise. Also, many people even in the highest functions of life tend to reject some sources of research before they even look at them -- this is contrary to finding the truth. You can't know if something is a realistic possibility until you give it an honest chance.
BTW, I'm defining "research" as knowledge, facts, evidence, etc. and not necessarily the stuffed-shirt definition of "read it in a book and cite your source." I'm just talking about things you know. Stuff in your head.
Go back to what I've often said about ignorance -- it's not "stupid," it's not an insult IMO, it's nothing to be ashamed of. But it is "not knowing something," and to find the truth, you do need to know as much as you can. So if you don't have enough knowledge yet, it's usually best not even to form an opinion per se, or not to be too confident of the one you're leaning towards. To withhold judgement.
In short, "possibilities attitude" sums up logic, all-inclusive research, and an open mind. It is the way to find the truth.
ION:
--Deadline for 2nd Chances MOC Contest: Beasts! (Bionicle Paracosmos Contest #1) is now moved to 11:59 PM EST (which I call midnight) on Sunday July 6. So you get a few extra days.
--S&T contest list should have every entry in it now (with possible exception of one that seems eaten by a code error), but has NOT been double-checked yet. Therefore, list-updating time is extended to next Wednesday. I've also got real life nonsense clogging up my schedule right now, so no guarantees about how soon the grace period can start.
--The bonus/contest epic BP: Mindfire is totally posted. (Has a fair few typos but editing period is closed so will have to wait till after contest to fix -- what I meant is clear in most). Would love more reviews.
--Finally got around to making Mindfire's support banner:
[url="http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=289176"][img=http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/bonesiii/SigStuff/ParacosmosBanners/mindfire.png][/url]
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