Picking up from my last entry...

A Look Back: February 2008

So, the continuing struggle carries on into February, and that is when the reality of it kicked into me. Christina, was gone, my best friend, the one who person who actually got me and had always been there for me was gone. It felt like a part of me had literally died, who would I be able to count on to be there for me and talk to me and keep me calm.

I fell apart. I was depressed, angry, and I never slept. I would rarely eat. I couldn't believe why I had to go through this heartache again. I never did anything wrong. I never understood why this had to happen to me, why would I always to go through some kind of emotional suffering or another.

The rest of February went on, work was my sole way to keep my mind off of things. So I increased my work load, which just in fact, made it worse. The increased stress, the lack of getting my rest, both physically and mentally, just strained myself. And I was just a shell of what I used to be. I was utterly unhappy, and nothing was making it better. All that I wanted was to have her back, and every night her face and voice haunted me, and I just couldn't take it.

And thus, I cut myself off from everyone. And was basically a lost soul and a lost person trying to find their grip on life once again, and hoping to bring myself back from this cold and empty place I have put myself in, where I was literally imprisoned, and in my place was just a zombie....