HOW TO OPERATE VARIOUS LAUNCHERS

Yes, I'm doing one last chapter of the comedy that triggered my career, unoriginality rants, stupid fanboy spammers, and even a ripoff on another forum.

HOW TO OPERATE YOUR THORNAX LAUNCHER

Thank you for buying our product! We assure you that your money will be spent on something stupid that we, the LEGO Company, do not need. If the launcher is silver, you have the basic product. If the Thornax does not fit, you have built it the wrong way. If the launcher is gold, you most likely bought it on eBay from some bootlegger who spray-painted it. Go and take it to a professional. He will most likely assure you it is a fake.

Instructions:

Please read before using.

1. Build your Glatorian, Warrior, or Vehicle/Creature.

> If you found this launcher comes with an Agori that is not Fero or a summer 2009 Agori, you have most likely bought a Winter 2009 Agori wannabe.

> If you found that your Glatorian, Warrior, or Vehicle/Creature does not come with this launcher, then Bill, the guy who works at our company, has most likely stuck them in his ears trying to look like something horrible. Thank goodness we finally fired him.

> If you found these instructions lying on the ground, dispose of it completely.

2. Build the Thornax launcher.

> If you found that your Glatorian, Warrior, or Vehicle/Creature does not come with this launcher, then Bill has most likely stuck them in his ears trying to look like something horrible.

3. Find your Thornax.

> It should be gold and black. If it is green, then it can be boiled down to make soup. Really. We've tried, and the soup smells and tastes like burnt plastic.

> It should be gold and black. If it is gold and 14-carat gold, then someone at the company has obviously gotten divorced, and they tried to hide the evidence. And no, it is not Bill. We have seen his page on a dating service website and his matches were a toaster and an old shoe.

>It should be gold and black. If it is red, then it is either explosive a misprint. Dispose of it properly.

>It should be gold and black. DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH.

4. Place the Thornax in the launcher.

> If the Thornax does not fit, you have built it the wrong way.

5. Squeeze the sides and watch the Thornax fly.

> THIS PRODUCT DOES NOT ENABLE USER TO FLY.

> If the Thornax does not fly over five inches, dispose of it properly.

> In case you were wondering, Bill works at an art museum.

> THIS PRODUCT IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH ELECTRONIC DEVICES.

> DO NOT USE WHILE OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY.

> DO NOT OPERATE UNDERWATER.

> DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH.

I might write something similar on the Glatorian Action Figure Game.

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