TA used a random story generator to create this....um...odd story. Apparently, he thinks Sonu is female. Dunno what Sonu will have to say in response but whatever. Anyways, he asked me to put it here, and so it is.

Note: The following story does not necessarily reflect the opinions of MT. It is here for your entertainment. Or for another reason to get mad at TA. Whichever you like.

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, MT, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling excessively angered, MT deflowered a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved HALO:REACH was missing! Immediately he called his best friend, Sonu. MT had known Sonu for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were odd ones. Sonu was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... annoying. MT called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Sonu picked up to a very sad MT. Sonu calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters turn red before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually charismatically panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting MT. Why was Sonu trying to distract MT? Because she had snuck out from MT's with the HALO:REACH only eight days prior. It was a sassy little HALO:REACH... how could she resist?

 

It didn't take long before MT got back to the subject at hand: his HALO:REACH. Sonu panicked. Relunctantly, Sonu invited him over, assuring him they'd find the HALO:REACH. MT grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sonu realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the HALO:REACH and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if MT took the amphibious vehicle, she had take at least five minutes before MT would get there. But if he took the xbox360? Then Sonu would be barely screwed.

 

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sonu was interrupted by six abrasive Levaciuss that were lured by her HALO:REACH. Sonu yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she randomly reached for her live hand grenade and skillfully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the xbox360 rolling up. It was MT.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, MT was out of the xbox360 and went scandalously jaunting toward Sonu's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sonu was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the HALO:REACH into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her canoe. Sonu was exasperated but at least the HALO:REACH was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Sonu scandalously purred. With a inept push, MT opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sonu assured him. MT took a seat excruciatingly close to where Sonu had hidden the HALO:REACH. Sonu panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But MT was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Sonu noticed a funny-smelling look on MT's face. MT slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Sonu felt a stabbing pain in her love handle when MT asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the HALO:REACH right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on MT's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. MT nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sonu could react, MT recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The HALO:REACH was plainly in view.

 

MT stared at Sonu for what what must've been five minutes. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Sonu groped flamboyantly in MT's direction, clearly desperate. MT grabbed the HALO:REACH and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sonu let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, MT,' she rebuked. Sonu always had been a little insensitive, so MT knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sonu did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his HALO:REACH tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Sonu looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from MT. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for MT. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sonu walked over to the window and looked down. MT was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, MT was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Sonu's place. MT had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Levaciuss suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the HALO:REACH. One by one they latched on to MT. Already weakened from his injury, MT yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Levaciuss running off with his HALO:REACH.

 

About seven hours later, MT awoke, his armpit throbbing. It was dark and MT did not know where he was. Deep in the humid foxy forest, MT was abundantly lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his HALO:REACH was taken by the Levaciuss. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big Levacius emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha Levacius. MT opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Levacius sunk its teeth into MT's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from MT's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than nine miles away, Sonu was entombed by anguish over the loss of the HALO:REACH. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a apt thrust, she buried it deeply into her taint. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about MT... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the HALO:REACH that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Levaciuss, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

 

 

IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT:

 

 

But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored MT's HALO:REACH. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Levaciuss for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and bolted away with the fortitude of 11,000 Indonesian devil cats running from a oversized pack of long-haired sea monkeys. MT flipped with joy when he saw this. His HALO:REACH was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, TBTTRAH, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet bloody glove'). MT was thrilled. And so, everyone except Sonu and a few malaria-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

LOLz!!1

 

 

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0

*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005

*** Forever owneding with earnest.