Well, my chapter is up. Enjoy!

So what do you think?

Well, my chapter is up. Enjoy!

 

So what do you think?

The fish guardian was awesome! I went ahead and wrote the next chapter and posted it, and even though it LOOKS short, that's mainly because I didn't put too much dialogue in it.

~BC~

To put it bluntly, the last sentence was a horrible way to end the chapter. Have them gasp for air a bit and then talk for a moment before continuing onwards!

Aside from that, it was an excellent chapter, though.

Well, I'm afraid I've never heard of that thing Xander mentioned, but I think I get the idea. I just hope that the job of figuring out what the item they are protecting is doesn't fall to me.

Well, it's time for me to write the next one, huh? Here I go!

Just edit out the End! at the end there because people might think that's it. Other then that, it was pretty good.

Now, what is that treasure...

Anyways, you guys write too fast. DX I hate how slow I write...

Moving on yet again, what shall the seven attributes be? Speed, cunning, luck, power... I know what the fifth one will be... sixth and seventh, Xander and Chronicler?

Crud, I just remembered I'll be gone this weekend... If I don't have the next chapter up by tomorrow, go ahead, Xander.

To put it bluntly, the last sentence was a horrible way to end the chapter. Have them gasp for air a bit and then talk for a moment before continuing onwards!

Dude...you're a bit too critical...I wrote the story the way I liked it, you don't have to be so harsh =/. I also think you need to cut off the 'END!' part.

~BC~

Seriously, Kehuri, tone it down a bit. Everyone has their gripes about each-other (though seriously, remove that END!).

Anyways, good news! Camp-out was canceled. Therefore, my previous statement can be disregarded.

Lol, okay, I'll cut off "The End".

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

 

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

I'm really not going to change the ending unless everyone else thinks I should. I don't think it made the story any weaker. And I am indifferent about the name of the team, unless it's something like 'Bioniclechronicler Fails' .

~BC~

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

 

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

 

I'm really not going to change the ending unless everyone else thinks I should. I don't think it made the story any weaker. And I am indifferent about the name of the team, unless it's something like 'Bioniclechronicler Fails' .

 

~BC~

Well, I'm not sure if the judges will notice a small detail like that, but it they do, it may very well knock some points off from our score. The way I see it, if we make it to first or second place, we'll be established among the top 6 writers in the contest, and we can make a name for ourselves! So I'm determined to make this worthy of the judges' praise!

Well, you see, I'm always stuck in the shadows, scraping with around one review a month on my epic (my past ones didn't have ANY reviews), but if this contest can make me more well known, then maybe I can get some more... you know... prestige. It's not really the fame I like, I just like seing the views on my topics go up, as well as the reviews. I like people telling me what I do right and wrong, so that I can improve on my ways and become a good enough author to finish my book. In a way, this may establish me as selfish, but I really want to win this thing!

Sorry, got a little carried away...

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

 

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

 

I'm really not going to change the ending unless everyone else thinks I should. I don't think it made the story any weaker. And I am indifferent about the name of the team, unless it's something like 'Bioniclechronicler Fails' .

 

~BC~

 

Well, I'm not sure if the judges will notice a small detail like that, but it they do, it may very well knock some points off from our score. The way I see it, if we make it to first or second place, we'll be established among the top 6 writers in the contest, and we can make a name for ourselves! So I'm determined to make this worthy of the judges' praise!

 

Well, you see, I'm always stuck in the shadows, scraping with around one review a month on my epic (my past ones didn't have ANY reviews), but if this contest can make me more well known, then maybe I can get some more... you know... prestige. It's not really the fame I like, I just like seing the views on my topics go up, as well as the reviews. I like people telling me what I do right and wrong, so that I can improve on my ways and become a good enough author to finish my book. In a way, this may establish me as selfish, but I really want to win this thing!

 

Sorry, got a little carried away...

I know how you feel...seeing as I HAD a comic topic that I updated with four new episodes a day and it only got two replies from individual people...while a comic that had one episode that was in .jpg format and had bad graphics (not going to say the name) became hot in a few days... I guess we could change the name, I really doubt the judges will care, seeing as we're the only ones with a team name.

I just wish we could post a review topic before the contest ends...

~BC~

I'll have the chapter up by tomorrow evening. I think you guys'll like it.

Anyways, I really don't see why you hate that ending, Kehuri.

For the team name, I don't care.

The ending of that chapter could easily have been stretched another paragraph or more if there had been some dialogue. Maybe show the wolves drying off, or something, rather than "Once Kirbold had recovered, they followed the wolves through the tunnel". I admit I've done the same thing before, but that was a long time ago. I want us to do the best we can in this!

Mabe Kirbold could have said something about luck, or something. I know it's a small detail, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. The whole chapter was well constructed, and I enjoyed reading it, but the last sentence was so awfully vague that I couldn't ignore it! I don't want it to stick out to the judges like it did to me, or we'll get points knocked off.

The ending of that chapter could easily have been stretched another paragraph or more if there had been some dialogue. Maybe show the wolves drying off, or something, rather than "Once Kirbold had recovered, they followed the wolves through the tunnel". I admit I've done the same thing before, but that was a long time ago. I want us to do the best we can in this!

 

Mabe Kirbold could have said something about luck, or something. I know it's a small detail, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. The whole chapter was well constructed, and I enjoyed reading it, but the last sentence was so awfully vague that I couldn't ignore it! I don't want it to stick out to the judges like it did to me, or we'll get points knocked off.

Well, I'm not going to change the ending unless everybody agrees. I do not write much dialogue in my stories, and I really didn't think any was important at the time. Both Surel and Kirbold were weak and in shock, so I assumed they'd be too speechless to have a conversation after fighting a giant underwater monster.

As a side note, how could I have written anything about luck when I didn't know you were going to incorporate lessons in fighting the guardians? I know you probably meant for me to edit it, I'm just saying.

EDIT: I just read your review topic (which I cannot post in, seeing as you have two books and I have no time >.<) and read your post saying you like more dialogue and less description. That explains a lot, seeing as I like more description and less dialogue. Only downside is my posts seem shorter. I know this may not apply to you anymore, but if it does, I can at least say I understand why we clash.

~BC~

And I like a good amount of both. XD

Anyways, I really don't mind it. I mean, if you insist. But from a judge's perspective (I know because I've been a judge in the past), it flows well to me.

Alright, fine, I just hope the judges don't notice it and remove points for that...

And how's the next chapter coming?

Very well. I'm really liking it. I hope you guys do so also.

Quick, I need a list of the traits that have been used in order to write the next chapter. Please? I got ideas, I just need to know what I can't use.

Quick, I need a list of the traits that have been used in order to write the next chapter. Please? I got ideas, I just need to know what I can't use.

Teamwork, trust, luck, forgiveness, wisdom/discernement.

~BC~

The attributes that Impreiosus mentioned are:

Speed, cunning, luck, power (which they didn't actually use yet), and wisdom/discernment.

About the latest chapter, i really liked it! Although there was one problem: How did Wisdom and Discernment know that the dragon's name was Imperiosus. That name was given to him by Surel and/or Kirbold, so I doubt the other guardians would refer to him as such. You might want to edit that.

I guess I didn't make it clear that they could see what was happening before the two reached there.

I personally would prefer if they just didn't refer to Impreiosus as such, but it's your chapter, so it's up to you.

Well, the next chapter is up. Enjoy.

Nice chapter Xander! Hmmm...I must now make up a decent last battle and explain the treasure...it's a shame the story's almost over though, I was hoping it could drag on awhile after the conteset ended...maybe some complications could extend the story, or after they get the treasure something else could occur?

~BC~

Nice chapter Xander! Hmmm...I must now make up a decent last battle and explain the treasure...it's a shame the story's almost over though, I was hoping it could drag on awhile after the conteset ended...maybe some complications could extend the story, or after they get the treasure something else could occur?

 

~BC~

Nah, that would ruin the point, I feel. Still, good luck and don't ruin it. lol