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Arch-Angel

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  1. Arch-Angel

    Music Conflict

    By Arch-Angel,

    Last weekend, I was cleaning my room. Your mom has the ability to nag you until you do so, and if your sister joins in, you're gonna clean your room sooner.
     
    So I turn up the speakers on the computer and listen to my playlist. Because iTunes suck, and Zune Software is awesome. Eat your heart out Macintosh.
     
    Forever by Chris Brown comes up in my playlist. It's in the love genre, it's a dance song, it flows pretty well into Shake It by Metro Station.
     
    We all know (or the most of us that actually watch the news when they decide to butt into celebrity lives, or were watching the Grammys) that Chris Brown got into an argument with Rhianna. I heard Rhianna and Chris got into a fight and as Chris was leaving in his Lamborghini, Rhianna had a set of keys in her hands and flung it at the driver's window, damaging the car. Chris got out and it got physical, and he caught her in the jaw or something. Chris tuned himself in to the police, Rhianna is pressing charges, and they have obviously broken up.
     
    But that's what I heard. Media tries to tell me stuff, but I ain't trying to catch much. Correct me in posts if I'm wrong *cough*LikeIcare*cough*
     
    So, I'm blaring Chris Brown's song as a make my bed (in dance) and my mom comes through the door and tells me to turn off the song that instant. I laughed immediately, because now every time I listen to any of his songs, I have that incident in the back of my head.
     
    My question is really, if (a) musician(s) of any genre, especially if they are your favorite musician(s) were to do something you considered morally wrong, would you still listen to their music.
     
    My thoughts: Yes, I would. I like the song, don't have to like the artist(s). I mean, how many great songs are made by artists in the last 60 years who haven't been sober their entire careers? Who have done things you don't consider right or is against you in some way. I mean, I'm a straightedge, but that doesn't mean that if the artist I listen to drinks or smokes or et cetera, I wouldn't listen to their song talking about love. If they mention drinking, then I can try to ignore that. Though in the Chris Brown incident, it's what he did that he wouldn't mention in a song or previous songs he made because I'm sure he doesn't get into physical fights with his partners frequently. But he hit Rhianna, and that's way out of line. But come on now, I like his music.
     
    Your thoughts? Your thoughts on my thoughts? Debate? Devil advocates por favor?
     
    ~AA
  2. Arch-Angel

    The List So Far

    By Arch-Angel,

    Read this first.
     
     
     
    Due to a snowstorm, meeting Michelle was dumped. I've tried to keep in contact with her but my life got too busy in the last two (or was it three?) weeks. You guys would know, I haven't made an entry in a WHILE.
     
     
     
    Lemme see if I can get all the names...
    Barbie Tyanie Lee Anne Stephanie Stephanie (there are two) Jill Rachael Emma Ms. Anonymous Adrianna Michelle Vanessa Carley Carley (there are two) Sydney Elizabeth Eleanor Monica Rachel Amanda Danielle Megan Katie Britteny Aline Deanna Amy Lea Anna Sandie Sarah Olivia Those are the names of every girl I've fallen for since the last entry. 
    This "Crush Rush" was killing me. In two hours of loving one girl, I'm loving the next. It was torturous; loving a girl and making plans to ask them out, only to switch up and start loving another chica!
     
    I decided to talk to Rachael about it. She's really now considered one of my best amigas (and I'm apparently one of her best guy friends) and she wanted to do a process of elimination thing after I made the list above. She knew she was one of them, but when she asked 'Which one of these girls do you think you love more?'...
     
    ...Well I was honest with her, and she was kind of shocked it was her.
     
    I mean, seriously. Rachael is a beautiful girl with a love for theater, a sarcastic sense of humor and a love for fun (not the bad fun) and she just so much more of what I love and who I can trust.
     
    Though I was quick to tell her that I'm one-hundred percent fine with being friends. It doesn't have to go anywhere. If she sees me only as a friend, what I am to do besides be her friend, which is exactly what I'm happy to be?
     
    Of course, the Crush Rush is still continuing, but I still got love for Rachael. Right now, I love her as a best friend.
     
     
    Last Saturday was Theater Exchange. An event made 17 years ago involving multiple schools across the state of Massachusetts where they all come over a hosting school for students to see others perform. At first I was nervous, but soon after I met the people, I felt at home again like I do on stage. I got to meet a good number of people (hey, when you have 150+ kids from other towns pop up, meeting and remembering twenty people is an accomplishment worth a load of brownie points) and we played volleyball. Of course, I owned.
     
    We finally got to watch the performances after hanging out and going to acting classes (for the sake of enjoyment) and I've got to say, five hours of watching seven plays (including doing our play) is exhausting... for the jaw. Comedies were dominating. I don't think the shows could've ended better without 'The Underpants'. It sounds ridiculous, but if you get the chance to watch it, you'll realize the there is more innuendo in there in about 35 minutes then there are in all the BZP Chatrooms on AIM in a week combined. It's my absolute favorite play, hands down.
     
    Days pass, nights disappear, and on Friday of the 13th day, good things happen.
     
    Or is it good?
     
    It might all come crashing down on me in the end, but it happens.
     
    You see, this entry has been a draft for quite a while, and with more and more girls asking who I liked, I needed something to explain.
     
    So I showed the girls the list above. All of the girls I've explained it to are on that list.
     
    With about five girls knowing about the Crush Rush, you'd think I've all but ruin my plans of getting a girlfriend.
     
    Nah.
     
    You see, though I may or may not love one of them right now, love is not bothering me too much at the moment. On Valentines Day, I was blasting my favorite love songs in my room as a went about my day. I had nooooo pressures, no sorrow, but no complete happiness.
     
    You know you can enjoy Valentines Day alone if you have ever truly loved someone with all your devotion.
     
    ~AA
  4. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 70

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    This goes out to Ms. Anonymous.
     
    Because I love you already, just that because you're hidden...
     
    I'm not loving you the way I wanted to.
     
    Love Lockdown by Kanye West
     
    ~AA
  5. Arch-Angel
    I realized I've had a problem. It's been going on for weeks, and takes a weekly pattern.
     
    I have a different crush every week.
     
    It's almost always based on personality.
     
    Let me explain.
     
    I was talking to my friend Adrianna in English class like a usually do, and she cracked a joke we both started laughing about. I looked at her again, and it was like going from an old Technicolor movie to HDTV. She became more beautiful to me, simply because I knew her personality better. I remember when I first saw her back on the First Day of the School Year, I thought we wouldn't get passed one full conversation, now we're friends and she's incredibly cute to me.
     
    Though my intimate feelings for her have passed.
     
    Because like all the girls I socially interact on a daily to semi-daily basis, I have probably had a crush on them.
     
    The longest one of these crushes have lasted was about nine days. It was this dark haired, blue eyed girl who's beautiful in her physical aspects, but her personality she hides. That's why the crush lasted for nine days; I couldn't get to know her until she started to remotely open up.
     
    Oh, and what didn't help was her first name being Carley.
     
    It really is a problem for me. I have no control of my feelings for them, and I know it isn't true love I feel for them, but some other form of love.
     
    But I can tell you there are a lot of beautiful girls in Drama Company, and with rehearsal every day, they get more gorgeous by the hour.
     
    Though my heart doesn't land on any girl right now, except for one.
     
    Miss Anonymous.
     
    Rachael from the December 20th section of this entry (who was one of the first weekly crushes I had if you read December 25th section) IMs me Sunday or Monday and asks me if I like someone. Being in the mood, I tried to note her actions, and I typed them out to her too. I knew she had something to gain from knowing if I did or not and that considering she was bugging me constantly for me to answer, I knew she knew something. So I explained to her my situation (noted above) and I glad she understood. I continued playing my game of reading her every response as if it had a secret meaning, because I knew it did. I guessed correctly that it was because she knew someone in Dco liked me, and that someone talks to her. I tried and failed to get her to play 20 Questions with me, and at least got the satisfaction of knowing it wasn't a guy.
     
    Though, throughout the week since she told me, the near-endless list of girls run by my head. I try to add up so many things. They must know Rachael, must know I talk to her, made Rachael make a promise so well she refuses my every manipulating plea to tell me, and I believe in is our play. It narrows the list well, and it shows. I know this one girl and Rachael have beef, Rachael doesn't like that one girl, these girls already have guys, et cetera. So I gave her an alias for myself.
     
    Miss Anonymous.
     
    Unfortunately, I have no clear idea who it is, and the narrowing of the list is going slowly. It's annoying. Every time I see Rachael, I shake my head with a grin and say "I hate you" and she giggles quietly.
     
    (Un)fortunately, I'm seeing someone on Sunday.
     
    My friends, Tom and Hillary (mentions so many times in this blog), were hanging out back on... December 30th? and gave me a call while working with my Dad. They tell me they got a girlfriend for me. Clearly, I'm confused but in reality of the whole thing at the same time. They tell me they're gonna bring me to their city and introduce me to Michelle, someone they were talking about who's single. Tom is going to drive me there, we are going to pick Hillary and Michelle up, and hang out in town (of course, I'm buying). Consider it a double date, accept your male amigo is gay and the other girl has no interest in you whatsoever... so yeah, basically Michelle and I with friends.
     
    I'm nervous to say the least. I don't know what will happen, and it's not excitement, but pure fear of the outcome. Will I fall in love with this girl? Will I not like her at the end of the night? Will I find out who in Dco likes me, or will Miss Terry fade in the confounds of my mind?
     
    I just know next week, I either walk out with a girlfriend, walk out with a mystery lingering in my mind, one broken heart, two broken hearts, or my broken heart.
     
    ~AA
  6. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 69

    By Arch-Angel,

    Somehow...
     
    I'm looking forward to 2009.
     
    I don't know... why.
     
    It's strange to me. A realistic pessimist, thinking the future is bright?
     
    I guess it's somehow natural after all the #### the last 365 days brought. And you know it brought a lot at me.
     
    After June's Plunge Into Heck and November's Road of Misery (yes, I'm starting to title events in my life), 2009 doesn't look like it could get worse.
     
    Maybe I'll make enemies, maybe I'll face death, depression, loss of things I cherish. But won't with each of them I'll make friends, see life, happiness, and gain things to cherish more?
     
    I don't know what's with the positivity, but I guess it's because I'm looking forward the next five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes of my life.
     
    Seasons of Love by RENT
     
    ~AA
  7. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 68

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    This one goes out to Christmas (Sorry my Jewish friends, I ain't sayin' The Holidays mostly because the majority don't care, and to my hardcore atheist friends... hope you had a nice day ) because the song has been running through my head even after the 25th. I love it, and I love the band even more for singing it.
     
    Sleigh Ride by Relient K
     
    ~AA
  8. Arch-Angel
    Whoa.
     
    What a ride.
     
    Let's start with my birthday.
     
    December 19th, 2008-
     
    I overslept on an early release. A Friday of all days. 11 AM the school got out, and of course, that's the time I woke up. The day was spent. I stayed online, receiving more 'happy birthday' messages then I ever had (and thank you) but with the snow storm that went along roaring throughout the day, any plan I had was immediately canceled. Including seeing my dad.
     
    My mom was pushing me the entire week beforehand, stressing the point more each day. I didn't want to see my dad. Not at all.
     
    My sister scoffed at me and accused me still being angry at him. The anger him left quite a while ago. My only problem...
     
    I said a lot of bad things the last time I saw him, and I felt guilty...
     
    My mom kept proposing me to go out to dinner with him to the point where she made it a command that I go out to dinner with him on my birthday. He had the time. He wasn't working much at all considering that week he hurt his back muscle again, a muscle he "pulled" (likely much worse considering it came back to haunt him last year) when he was 17, working on bringing in delivery boxes back in Brazil. But with a freshly hurt back and the storm ripping New England apart, the dinner was backed down.
     
    Still not sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.
     
    Best part about it, he had my birthday present my mom was getting me. With my mom's finical struggle with her going on this new diet she got from a professional fitness instructor, money went down the tube.The annoyance of it all, including being in an apartment with a mother and sister willing to force me into this, left me in a sour mood. I was being smart (in a negative way). I talked back at the quickest whim once my sister spoke and I became easily frustrated with them as they discussed my lost money of my first paycheck from KB Toys (which many of you probably know, is going to burn in #### with it's bankruptcy) because payroll forgot to pay me a week and a half's pay. I spent the night on BZPower, trying to enjoy myself, but also completely aware I was turning into a completely arrogant person. I was angry at myself, yet people around me were celebrating my birth into this world. Every moment was bittersweet, for every good thing, there was a bad.
     
    I hate my birthday.
     
    December 20th, 2008-
     
    Snow.
     
    BZPower.
     
    A couple belated birthdays.
     
    Frustrated.
     
    There's this girl in drama company... Rachael.
     
    Yeah, you know half the story.
     
    Problem is, this girl isn't nice...
     
    At all.
     
    She comes off as rude, but is really a nice person at heart. I talk to her about my troubles from time to time, and she's there to comfort me, even make me laugh. Even better, she's beautiful. Very attractive, and I love watching her have fun with her friends, spontanously singing a broadway song with them, considering she hasn't listened to a thing on the radio since Lord knows when. She's made enemies, made friends, and I got to admit, first time I met her, we didn't exactly kick it off as amigos. I guess meeting new people isn't really her thing, but hey. It wasn't until I talked to her on AIM did we start becoming friends, and we teased each other with insults (her nickname: cut-throat [witch]) but it's all in the name of fun.
     
    My problems on Saturday was really because I was coping with my feelings for her. Did I like her? If I did, what was I gonna do about them? What attracted me to her, when she had such a negative atmosphere? What killed me was the thought of not having her. I knew what she wanted in a guy, obviously (she told me ). A musician with an english accent, or to sum it up: Jim Sturgess. Of course, I know there's no way I can become our handsome actor from Across The Universe, so it itched me intently.
     
    No, I won't bother asking her out, I know the answer. Screw your confidence speeches, it's useless.
     
    December 21th, 2008-
     
    The first day of winter, and the first thing that happens is we get slapped with another snowstorm. What else could one do but stay home and wonder if there would be a snowday?
     
    Cabin Fever was spreading broadly. Snowed in, with enough money to buy Christmas presents, but no way out of the vile prison of your... home.
     
    December 22nd, 2008-
     
    This day was nothing but work, but in a different fashion. The Drama Company was holding a Secret Snowman Party (Snowman 'cause of that whole Merry Christmas/Happy Holiday thing, the fatty in the red suit was given DA BOOT) after school. The party was happy. No music, table o' brownies (with no bloody milk or Pepsi D=<), and the usual circles of talk people form subconsciously. I, using my new cellphone, called my mom and asked her to bring the gift I accidentally left home that morning. After missing 30 minutes of the party waiting for the present to get dropped off, I continued to play the lie to Sarah, the name I drew for the Secret Snowman party. Weeks before, a couple days after the raffle, I lied to Sarah (practicing my acting talent ) telling her I knew her secret snowman and the person didn't know what to get her (... 'cause I really didn't know ). I dropped hints in my speech as to who it was: a person who didn't exist but had a gender. By simply referring the fake person as "her" you could tell that Sarah had her suspicions as to who it could be. Immediately she told me:
     
    "Chocolate. I don't care how much, I just want chocolate."
     
    Done deal. I didn't have to so much spend money (that I didn't have) to get it. My mom had a Secret Santa party and all those that attended without participating in the game got a bag of chocolate. I took my share, and I grabbed my sister's (she didn't want any, somehow she refused the delicious morsels). They’re called Truffles, and they have a milk chocolate shell and a liquid milk chocolate filling and it's probably the best freakin' chocolate treat you'll ever afford, best of all you know it at sight.
     
    Back to the party - Sarah whined to me about how she didn't get her present unlike everyone else while I waited at the entrance door for my mom. She was the really only one at the party who didn't get a gift so far, and she spoke in that "But mommmmmm, everyone has one but meeee!" voice. I told her that "she" was running back to her house to grab the present, and if she wanted the surprise as to who it is ruined, she'd have to go back to the party.
     
    She left pouting at me, and another eight minutes past until my mom finally came with the two bags of the Truffles in a giftbag. My mom also handed me my 200 dollars from my paycheck (shopping details later), and I was off on my merry freakin' way.
     
    I came up to Sarah in one of the chat circles and handed her the giftbag with a sly, "Merry Christmas," and a grin that wrote, "I played you like a sucka foo'."
     
    Her jaw dropped in the realization that I've lied to her for weeks when I turned out to be her Secret Snowman the entire time. She shoved me and called me a a#####e multiple times. When she finished her love/hate quarrel with me and opened the giftbag, she hugged me tightly in happiness.
     
    Gotta love Sarah's gullibility and mood swings. She really should've seen it coming. I steal her things all the time and play it off like I haven't easily.
     
    I really don't need acting classes when dealing with this chica.
     
    Two hours later (5 PM), after a struggle of getting to the Natick Collection to buy Christmas gifts, from hitching a ride to cutting across parking lots of holiday shoppers ###### off that that the spot they thought they saw was taken to walking passed the white street line because the sidewalk was covered in snow, to finally step through the entrance into JCPenny's, I was there.
     
    It wasn't after another three hours from hanging out with friends did I start finish.
     
    The second half of three hour period I was with Vanessa. Her present was the first one bought before she arrived. A Twilight shirt, with Edward Cullen on the front. We caught up with her friend Danielle whom I had the pleasure to meet. Nice girl, unfortunately struggling with her feelings with her ex. After the three of us sat down and they talked about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT HOW HOT THE GUYS IN TWILIGHT ARE, I reluctantly left them, knowing I needed to go Christmas shopping and that the topic wasn't going to change... for as long as they had tongues, voice boxes, and hands (because I know they'd do it in sign language if need be). I was surprised I beared with them so long, wanting the imaginary trigger I shaped with my hand to have a gun around it as to spatter the holy heck out of my brains. When hanging out turns into girls' night out, you gotta let go.
     
    Off I went, to blissfully shop...
     
    ...Til I actually dropped.
     
    By the time I was done, I had a Santa hat on and a jumbo sized bag carrying other bags carrying gifts from different stores. From the 50-70% off Aeropostale sale to KB Toys 40% everything to CVS's... well, they had snacks, which is good enough for the friends you don't know what to get.
     
    I grabbed some last-minute pizza from my friends at Sbarro for dinner and drink some Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi, and happily had a second one waiting for me (thank you annoying 'Buy 1 Get One Free' caps). I sat in the food court, with all the restaurants around me closing and I finished my slice, and my Pepsi. A cute girl caught my eye as she walked up to Salad Creations to see if they were still selling their juice bottles. I didn't hear the conversation, but you know the outcome at her discouragement. Once she came close to earshot, I called her over, asked her if she wanted a drink, she said yes. I asked if she liked a Caffeine free Diet Pepsi, and she said yes again. I took out the second bottle, glad it was still cold, and handed it to her with a grin saying 'Happy Holidays." She thanked me and was off. Thirty seconds later, I facepalmed myself. I just gave away a Pepsi to a girl and didn't even get a name or number. And worse?
     
    I GAVE AWAY A PEPSI.
     
    My memory's lagging as to what she looked liked, but she must've been cute for me to do something like THAT.
     
    After 20 minutes of trying to grab a second jumbo bag from my work and failed to do so, I sat on a lounge chair they usually set up randomly in convient parts of the mall, and called my mom who was at TJ Maxx, buying gifts, busting out of there once she's done shopping.
     
    I was exhausted. Carrying around 60 pounds, 40 of which have been on your back for six hours (my backpack) walking the length of miles looking for more stuff to buy was a guarantee that I cannot join the Marines.
     
    I placed my elbows on my lap to support the rest of my frame, and hung my head, paying attention to my cell.
     
    And I fell asleep.
     
    I wake up. It's 20 minutes after my last talk with my mom. 10:43 PM and 3 missed calls. A face palm was the first reaction, and I grabbed the phone and called her back. I was somewhat humbled by myself. I actually left my cell on the floor a couple inches from my left foot, and my jumbo sized bag to my right, my backpack behind me (really nothing important in there, but really it was the most secure considering it was actually touching me). I get up, grab my things, and BOUNCE.
     
    I get home, and the tiny nap has fueled me to last about another hour. I find out on AIM that Danielle, the partner in crime to how hot freakin' Robert Pattinson is with Vanessa, thought I was cute and Vanessa figured since I was single and she was lonely, we could hook up. And 'hook up' in the sense of I take her out on a date, we make up, the next day we are nothing. It's quite the lols thinking of it in that sense, but in quick thought, I accepted. My dating experience needs to be freshened up, and might as well throw in some practice dates. I accepted, but then I realized I was about to go out with a cute blond girl with a mind who's about to graduate high school...
     
    That's like, 10 plus self-esteem points.
     
    My extreme worry of the night was coming home and seeing my dad there waiting, and my sister warned me of the possibility. Thank the Lord that didn't happen.
     
    December 23rd, 2008-
     
    I came into the school, my load smaller. The biggest CVS bag I had was more than enough to carry around a pair of electronic drum sticks for my friend Sean (who is like the Necro in my world in a musical sense), two pringles for Alberto and DeJean(<- WHO DIDN'T SHOW UP), packs o' gum to any girl I noticed chewed a lot of it in class. Made for a fun day, really. A Tuesday, but the last day until vacation. Nothing like a Twiday.
     
    I come home, my mom having set an ultimatum for tomorrow. Because my dad hurt his back again and couldn't lift anything heavy, I was going to work with him and be the muscles.
     
    December 24th, 2008-
     
    I woke up early. 7 AM.
     
    Got dressed in a pair of jeans I never wore anymore, a Phat Farm shirt I again, never wore anymore, and a light 2008 Olympics fleece with a raincoat over it.
     
    Yippee. Working with mi padre...
     
    I waited downstairs for his van to arrive to pick me up.
     
    After four minutes, it pulled up to the lobby entrance. I got up and went through the doors.
     
    He got out, two giftbags at hand, and greeted me, to which I greeted back.
     
    Then we hugged.
     
    He told me to bring the bags upstairs to the apartment, and I went ahead and did so.
     
    Once up there, my mom handed me the blue bag and said (finally), "Happy Birthday!"
     
    I got a Wii.
     
    I'd probably be more excited if I wasn't sure exactly what would happen at work.
     
    It was like a regular day at work, minus some talk about his new family. Seriously. It was relaxing and surreal at the same time. After work at around 3 PM, we headed over to eat lunch with my sister (it being Christmas Eve). It was nice.
     
    Then we said bye. I gave a quick apology for the that thing in August and he said it was okay.
     
    And my sister and I went off to the mall.
     
    We picked up my final pay ($457 bucks = 304 20oz. bottles of Pepsi and one can) from KB Toys as it was going through the very last day. I learned so much about retail in just a few weeks, and I made some friends I hope I never forget. Joe, the rocker, always with a story to tell and they're all funny. Melissa, the under-aged would-be manager who's as mature as she is cool. Pace, great girl who carries a posistive attuitude with herself, and one of the coolest to work with. Heather, sister of my co-worker Kayla who I know in the tech crew of Drama Company and she knows when to be cheerful and when to be serious and will always be a great manager. Scott, the man who taught me most of everything I needed to know and beared with my inexperience until he found another job at another place, and I've heard he enjoys it. Tim, an overworked man in his twenties who seems to always have something to be stressed about but in his swearing tyraids will make you laugh, but somehow always has confidence in his work (we also called him 'Monkey Man' because in the back, when there was a ton of boxes, he'd always find a way to get to the top about twenty feet up). I wish them all luck in their future endeavors and hope they all find ways to pay those bills.
     
    My sister and I bounced over to Sears, the only store still open after 6 PM and scrambled for gifts. Unfortunately came out with only one for my mom: a digital camera.
     
    Get back home, kick it into overdrive with the cleaning, Thiago's family at 9 PM to show up.
     
    Really, this Christmas dinner thing was just... uncelebratory. We ate our dinner, Thiago and I bounced back to my room to watch some Jeff Dunham - Spark of Insanity and just hung out joking around and whatnot. Once it was 1 AM...
     
    Oh wait, that means it's...
     
    December 25th, 2008-
     
    ...Christmas day.
     
    He and I were watching random movies as they passed through the screen as his brother and sister-in-law controlled the viewing. Not like we cared really. There was nothing to do aside from tell jokes as if I were a comedian, because really no matter what comes out of my mouth, Thiago's gonna laugh (and he knows it). We played a couple games, opened our gifts together, then his family was off on their way home at around 3 AM.
     
    My sister, mom, and I sat on the floor at the Christmas tree and started our new tradition. Present opening and taking turns.
     
    Now, the infamous list:
     
    -8GB Zune mp3 player (blue) from sis
    -Digital Camera from dad (b-day gift and Christmas)
    -My first actual pair of pajamas from mom
    -Cross necklace from sis
    -Gold (very latino) bracelet from mom
    -L.L. Bean Fleece sweatshirt from dad's boss (sends L.L. Bean every year)
    -Pepsi-Cola Vintage Logo T-Shirt from sis ()
    -Noise-canceling headphones from mom (I need a Triple A battery for this... hmm...)
    -FOSSIL watch from mom (not my style and she knows it, so we're returning it back to TJ Maxx and going to the FOSSIL store in the Natick Collection for me to pick one out, but the thought-that-counted thing worked very well)
     
    After that whole thing was done, we hit the sack at... 5:45 AM? Yeah. All-Nighters on Christmas are awesome.
     
    The next day, at around 1 PM, I was woken up in a rush, and told to get ready to go to the airport. My sister was headed to Brazil today to go see her... ex. I won't go into details, because it's too much and judging from the wall of text above this (if you read this far) and considering it's not really important aside from what I told you, forget about it. She just won't be back in the States until January 20somethingth.
     
    Head to the airport, jam out to my new Zune I've named YoYo, say our goodbyes, and head back home...
     
    To do nothing. Didn't even try out the Wii. I sat here typing the above wall-of-text.
     
    I get an IM from Danielle, if you recall was my date for Saturday, telling me she had to cancel because she already made plans with another friend and was just reminded of it that day.
     
    SUPPOSEDLY.
     
    Vanessa IMs me and basically tells me the "heartbreaking" truth. Danielle thought I was too young for her, which didn't really bother me for some reason. Apparently I look too young? Well, not gonna lie, she looks older. I thought she was 18 or maybe even 19, but looking at bookface right now, she was born in April of '91. She's eight months older.
     
    Guess she likes older guys. Ah well, better luck with another girl that thinks I'm dazzlingly handsome and a bone-ified sexy beast.
     
    What was good about Danielle entering then exiting my life so quickly is that it got me to get over Rachael as I thought about our date. Rachael's now a friend to me, nothing else, and I'm happy. Of course, I'm alone, but at least I'm not infatuated with a girl I won't get. So thank you Danielle, you actually inadvertently gave me peace. Single and loving it? Not quite. Single and looking for the right person. We can call it that.
     
    So with the date canceled and a saved-up 136 bucks that WAS going to the date.
     
    Tom calls:
     
    "Hey Jon, wanna hang out?"
     
    "Sure, what the heck."
     
    Heh. That killed 2 hours.
     
    December 26th, 2008
     
    After work with dad, I come home.
     

     
    At some unknown hour of the night, we try setting up the Wii.
     
    :angry:
     
    I asked Teeburrito for help, but alas, no luck. Once we get to 'Select A Language', we can't find the cursor. We fling around the wiimote and see it fly by, but no luck. I stand 3 feet away, nothing. I stand 7 feet away, still nothing.
     
    I gave up in my impatience for this task and come back to BZP.
     
    December 27th, 2008-
     
    Finished writing this entry.
     
    ~AA
  9. Arch-Angel

    More.

    By Arch-Angel,

    A math teacher in my school that passed away yesterday morning. Needless to say, this brought back bad memories and more sorrow.
     
    ~AA
  10. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 67

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    I was going through the Book of many Faces and I saw someone comment on a pic of them at a beach and how they can't wait for the summer.
     
    Summer.
     
    Beautiful, bright, sunny, (romantic?), summer.
     
    Warmth, sun, fun, friends...
     
    Guess I should start looking forward to 2009...
     
    ...Romance... hmm...
     
    Is that what'll make me happy?
     
     
     
     
    Broken Man by Boys Like Girls
     
    ~AA
  11. Arch-Angel

    Awkward Heart Attack

    By Arch-Angel,

    Anyone else notice the Relient K and My Chemical Romance are exact opposites?
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    There's this girl I see often. Cute redhead, her name is Kat. She quite gorgeous, and was in my health class last year. I never talked to her for two reasons. At the time, I was in a relationship with Bionigirl, and the second was that she had her boyfriend Jack at her side 99 percent of the time, so I didn't bother so much as talking to her. Though I thought of her from time to time, wracked with worry as to what made her leave class crying in tears and Jack with a solemn expression. They didn't seem to break up, still sitting next to each other in health class. It was strange.
     
    This semester of school, I saw Jack at her side once, and that was the very beginning of school. I haven't seen them together since. I don't know if she's going out with anyone currently, considering it's become a thing where we simply say hi to each other in the hallways. I have no classes with her, and only cross paths with her once every other day.
     
    Nearly every boy around me talks about nothing except girls and hooking up with them simply because they're hot. I simply want nothing but a relationship with a girl I couldn't figure out. That's what attracts me to a girl, a girl I can't figure out. Quiet girls get me like that, smart girls get me like that, girls that actually bother giving their honest opinion after thought get me like that. Considering I never had an actual conversation with Kat, I don't know honestly truly know her, and to think the possibility of her having any personality I'm attracted to doesn't help my romantic side.
     
    Why can't I settle with loneliness? My lust is nothing but an annoyance- no, a curse.
     
    My romance? Well, it's a beaten path I don't want to go down. I still struggle with it, more than lust. I am a hopeless romantic, yes, but I never show it. I could only show a girl how romantic I'd be if I were in a relationship with them, but how do I show anyone at all otherwise (without looking like a fool)?
     
    Maybe I should learn to play the guitar, write songs, play once in a while. Written poetry is corny and unattractive, music is great. How many times have I heard a girl see my friend Sean with a guitar and talk about how it attractive it is? Not a bad idea.
     
    But at the same time, as much as I want a relationship, I want no feeling for a relationship. I've become a loner. People ask me what I am to put me into a category. I was asked at lunch by a girl walking up to me what I was. Clearly I was confused at first, but they explained that I wore preppy clothes but never socialize at lunch, I talk without any care of what others around me might think (the arrogant ######## ), but can still not come off like a horrible person, and I stay well kept (shaved face aside from common five o'clock shadow, washed hair, wear different clothing daily) and I read Twilight. I'm not a scrub apparently, but not a prep. I've lived in the ghetto, but I'm no G. Otherwise everyone sees me as just weird, but still can't categorize me.
     
    I must be aggravating.
     
    I guess the next time someone asks me what I am, I'll say Edward Cullen. Simply to come off as a smart###.
     
    ~AA
  12. Arch-Angel

    Hate For 2008

    By Arch-Angel,

    In health class we started a new unit, a unit I remember from last year.
     
    Stress.
     
    Depression.
     
    Suicide.
     
    We started with stress. The class did a crossword on our vocabulary words to start familiarizing ourselves with them. An activity was done (the whole 'put these ish-load of nails on that one and make it balance' thing) and the class joked around. My friend DeJean and I joked about my recent depression on how I preferably sit alone during lunch, eating my food and reading a book. My health teacher questioned me once, but I denounced her, simply telling her I was fine. I was glad to humble myself. I enjoy it very much, but only when I do it and if I give you permission, otherwise expect a backhand. We did a worksheet survey something-of-the-sort as it asked us all the many things one would have happen to them that seemed either normal or abnormal. N stood for normal and A stood for abnormal. For example:
     
    "You cannot enter a classroom without counting to one hundred. _A_"
     
    "You have trouble sleeping because you worry about passing your math exam the next day. _N_"
     
    As soon as we get to:
     
    "Every once in a while you get to feeling so low that you wonder if life is worth living. ___"
     
    DeJean looks up from his paper and says, "Hey Jon, I don't have to worry about number 19, right?" He laughed.
     
    I cracked a smile and let a chuckle out, in sincerity. I didn't answer him. God forbid I have to talk to a counselor or a social worker or a psychologist if I answered.
     
    The loudspeaker went on and the secretary announce Mr. Welch, or Head Principal (there's a principal for each grade) had an announcement to make. We wondered what could've been so important to have us stop class. "Did 9/11 happen again?" was the first thought in everyone's mind in school, I guarantee that. The second was, "Did another student get stabbed in the butt?"
     
    We turned on the TV and onto the school local channel, Mr. Welch sitting at the risen table where our homeroom news came from.
     
     
     

     
    The room was silent. Shock mostly. Every mind was trying to search who try to find out who this person was and if one of us knew him. We waited for one of us to get up and walk out the door, as Mr. Welch said that there were counselors, social workers, and psychologists standing by for any students wanting help coping with this news. A room full of sophomores, no one got up, I being a Sophomore-Junior, had the highest chance of knowing the guy, but even now looking at the picture he doesn't ring a bell. But the presence of death was there; the feel of a life gone of our world put a hole in us for a moment. The room was silent of voices only at this point, after a couple minutes passed. Everyone started packing up their things, as if no one wasn't paying attention to the clock in the first place. But as the final minute rolled, mutters and small talk started, but no laughter, harmless insults, or humorous comebacks were made. The bell rang first the end of first period, and we went on our way. I nearly chuckled when I remembered what my next class was.
     
    Biology, the study of life.
     
    During lunch period, friends of my algebra class came by and the topic of the tragic news came about. I was offended at the complete assumption that the driver was drunk. At the time, we had no idea about the fourth member of the car or whether or not Jamoan was the driver. We only knew that supposedly he was the driver and gave no mind of the other two. They all questioned the logic of driving drunk, which I quickly stepped in. I told them that they shouldn't have assumed that he was drunk, for all we know he was distracted by something or someone for he could've possibly been as against alcohol as I am. They shut down the drunk driving thought immediately, when I only came to realize hours ago that I should've drove the stake in the heart and told them immediately how disrespectful it was to think that; think of a cause of death through the thought that he was a lesser man than themselves. The news we were given didn't so much mention alcohol other than "police are not sure whether or not alcohol played a role" but still.
     
    Jamoan, I most likely don't know you, but I promise you, I'll defend your name to any and all faces unless proven otherwise. You will not pass a man thought of less, but a man thought of equal, unless proven otherwise. If you did drink alcohol and were the driver of that car, I shall shake off my defense and let your soul carry on, for others control their tongues and their thoughts, but as of this moment, you are still an equal, and you will be defended as one.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    I came back home from work a half-hour ago. The minute my mother parked the Explorer, her friend calls.
     
    Immigration got one of our friends.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    EDIT:
     
    *sigh*
     
    Can't believe I forgot to tell this...
     
    My friend, Lee Anne, she's an epileptic. She has seizures often.
     
    This morning, she was in class and complained about how she couldn't see out of her right eye, and the right side of her body was practially failing on her. She went down to the nurse and was soon taken to the hospital. Please give her prayer.
     
    ~AA
  14. Arch-Angel

    Yearning For Rest

    By Arch-Angel,

    I hate Novembers.
     
    Currently, I'm exhausted.
     
    Two and a half weeks ago, I started my job at KB Toys in the Natick Collection as a sales associate. I've learned a lot on the job, and I think I've finally become a decent employee (because I ain't fired yet ). It's a holiday store (AKA seasonal store) and will close down sometime in January.
     
    Last Tuesday, I auditioned for a part for the play "Bocón" for the Spring Festival. Spring Festival is quite a big deal, considering it's basically the Oscars for drama companies around the county. I play a major role as Luis (pronounced lu-weez), the father of the main character Miguel. Rehearsal starts Monday, so I'm gonna have to work hard on this (even if the play is four months away). Hopefully my job won't get in the way of rehearsal in the beginning, I want to make a good impression on our director, Donna. From what I hear, she's tough as nails on plays and ain't afraid to yell.
     
    My sleeping is being really sketchy in the past week. Sleeping in class is becoming all too common, and history class is a hostile place for nap-time because my two friends aren't afraid to fart in my face, pour some water in my hair, et cetera, as I drool on my desk. Health class on the other hand is not hostile, but I shouldn't be sleeping in there at all. >_<
     
    My poetry is taking off. I've made a few songs, a couple rhymes, and story ideas (or scenarios) in my head. My creative side is leaking once again, and I'm creating alter-egos of myself where I could be infatuated with a blue-eyed beauty or some other thing.
     
    After working 15 hours in the past 36, I'm pooped. I've down two Pepsi's, a plate of thanksgiving leftovers, and an apple, and I'm still hungry when I shouldn't be. Consider the 15 hours being of standing up, climbing ladders, reaching high shelves, greeting people and handing out flyers of KB Toys's "BIGGEST SALE EVA" and faking a smile, plus being humiliated by many friends of mine. Oh yeah, a toy store has benefits, like 30 percent off anything you buy... but I'm sixteen years old and haven't gotten my first bloody paycheck, I ain't buyin' no dang toy.
     
    If I get asked if we carry Bakugan again, I'm shoving a Barbie down a customers throat and running myself over with twenty six RC cars.
     
    Truly, I want my first paycheck so I can get a Zune 120 GB mp3 player. No, I don't want no iPhone, iTouch, nothing of Apple. I hate iTunes, hate Windows Media Player (it isn't technical enough), and I <3 Zune Software.
     
     
     
     
    Sigh...
     
     
     
     
    ###### it all...
     
     
     
    It just midnight,
    and the lights are still on,
    I can't get myself to rest,
    I feel wore out,
    I'm covered in doubt,
    and I just want someone to hold...
     
    Oh Lord, can help me find,
    Someone to hold, give me a sign,
    a girl to love who'll truly be mine,
    who'll let our love live,
    'til to the end of time
     
    I see all around me,
    A hundred girls like me,
    But none of them are ever all true...
     
    I pray every day,
    Someone'll come my way,
    and I'll never again have these words to say...
     
    Oh Lord, can help me find,
    Someone to hold, give me a sign,
    a girl to love who'll truly be mine,
    who'll let our love live,
    'til to the end of time
     
    Gotta keep keep looking,
    Try to find,
    The love of my life,
    Can't give up...
     
    Oh Lord, can help me find,
    Someone to hold, give me a sign,
    a girl to love who'll truly be mine,
    who'll let our love live,
    'til to the end of time
     
    Oh Lord, can help me find,
    Someone to hold, give me a sign,
    a girl to love who'll truly be mine,
    who'll let our love live,
    'til to the end of time
     
    Oh Lord, can help me find,
    Someone to hold, give me a sign,
    a girl to love who'll truly be mine,
    who'll let our love live,
    'til to the end of time
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ~AA
  15. Arch-Angel
    I know the brothers. The 16-year-old and I sit at lunch together. Heck I sat with him yesterday eating his nachos. We get into deep thought conversations about nearly everything.
     
    The victim I talked to occasionally on the late-bus rides home.
     
    I was in the building when it happened, but not at the scene of the crime. Maybe it would've went down differently, heck I myself could've been arrested or something fighting with the stabber. I knew I would be able to get the 16-year-old to his senses, but no, had to get a detention on the other side of the school...
     
    Looks to be a lonely lunch tomorrow... my teachers better leave me the heck alone.
     
    Of all weeks...
     
    ~AA
  16. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 66

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    No, I'm not feeling good.
     
    No, not happy.
     
    Just got a detention for my new short fuse on swears.
     
    Really wish God could add extra hours to the night so I can get as much sleep as I need. This sleep deprived state is driving me to the point of me becoming a rude, sinful #######.
     
     
     
    I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance.
     
    ~AA
  18. Arch-Angel
    He's a lucky man,
    More than you know,
    Promised to be true,
    Never to let go,
    Seems so simple to comprehend,
    But why is this message so hard to send?
     
    I barely know you,
    Can't pronounce your last name,
    But dang it girl believe me,
    The feeling has remained.
     
    They say the eyes are a portal to the soul,
    You look into mine,
    I carry a gaping hole,
    But looking into yours,
    I start feeling whole.
     
    Blue as the Lord could possibly make,
    Your eyes are perfect, not one mistake,
    And at the sight of you, my heart quakes.
    How could you possess such a man?
    A simple glance from you,
    I turn to sand.
     
    I won't call it love, that's just insane,
    Tomorrow morning, I hope the feeling's not the same,
    But I know it will, that is true,
    And I'll ask myself again why I carry,
    such attraction to you.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ~AA
  19. Arch-Angel
    Pain of a Loved One's Death Isn't Their's To Bear 
    On hot summer days,
    I feel cold, left astray,
    Whatever hope I had was shattered,
    Every possible path I could take didn't matter,
    I missed her, still do,
    I promised to be forever true,
    Talking with her, I could never swear nor lie,
    Now I feel unclean, ready to die,
    An unhappy death, with my sorrow and pain,
    Rather stop living than become insane,
    Rather never feel the touch of love again,
    Stay in this domain, bound in the chains,
    Of my heavy heart, so tired to continue anymore,
    Please God, this request, don't ignore,
    Strike me now with illness, lightning,
    I don't care!
    I wish to be in heaven so I may run my hands,
    Through her hair,
    But life never is that way, is it Lord?
    So I'll continue this path I do abhor,
    Unfortunately, I'll never forget,
    The love I have for her I'll never regret,
    And continue to live through death and death,
    Until I finally, happily take my final breath.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ~AA
  20. Arch-Angel

    U Turn

    By Arch-Angel,

    Last Thursday, my US History class took a field trip to Boston, to see the many locations of the historic city. Two classes went, my class and another. Keep in mind I stayed back a year, and that before I used to look at these sophomores as the annoying freshmen who haven't hit full maturity, or three quarters. They're getting there, but most are get too annoying to handle.
     
    Of course, I wasn't the oldest among the group, simply one of the people really wishing he had a wad of cash on him. Boston has markets around every corner. The history teacher running it (my teacher), Mr. Martell, had to press the cross-walk button every time we reached the end of a block. We must've passed about six SevenEleven's, and I was getting depressed with the loneliness mentioned beforehand. A Pepsi would've been great, had I had the cash for it. Though really no one went inside the stores surprisingly.
     
    Though there was one that itched in the back of my mind.
     
    Nick.
     
    A freshman (sophomore now), who's got plenty of cash and unfortunately no real good looks, no good sense of flirting, no good aim for the right girls, and his voice is in kiddy-mode so he 'sounds gay' when he's actually straight(which he is constantly had been made fun of in our class until I demanded through some physical means par say to the two guys to quit making the offensive artwork). He's a nice guy, reminds me of Tom, only more dumb, no common sense, and REALLY REALLY annoying.
     
    Throughout the trip, he was practicing some of his Portuguese. One of the brazilian girls in our class taught him how to speak a few words and phrases, but gave him all the wrong definitions as to what he was saying.
     
    ...
     
    So the entire time he's swearing in Portuguese, and constantly I have to tell him to shut up. Then he'd actually say something in Portuguese he understood, which isn't the kind of phrase you'd wouldn't say around your mom (if she knew Portuguese). So at around 9 AM as we were in the Massachusetts State House, he went on while we were in the House of Representatives, and I turned to him, said something I can't recall what, and I shut him up.
     
    Victory...
     
    But after five seconds of the beautiful silence, he said, "Yeah, well, at least people like me. Vanessa hates you, she thinks you're a creeper and a sketch, and everyone in drama company agrees. Actually, most of the people in drama company hate you."
     
    So I play it off like I could give a dang less about drama company, and left him defeated.
     
    Though I took a heck of a hit.
     
    I love the people in drama company, and I love Vanessa, so my mind soon processed that I didn't have friends. For one, Vanessa always called me a creeper but I proved her wrong and then we'd laugh about it, but I was convinced that she was talking behind my back and sincerely meant it. My loneliness broaden, and I truly felt like nothing.
     
    Oh! Now I remember! I didn't say anything to Nick, I backhanded him lightly, tiny tap.
     
    Today, Nick asked me if I was going to the drama company meeting today after school. I wasn't planning to take a late bus home, so I told him no and added extra flavor to it saying, "...And besides, why bother? Vanessa and the rest of drama company hates me anywa-"
     
    "Oh, I was just kidding. I was just angry."
     
    "Because you couldn't come back with anything else?"
     
    "Yeah."
     
    "Oh, okay."
     
    I laughed inside. All that trouble, for nearly nothing.
     
    Well, I got to open up to two girls, who I now consider my trusted friends. I showed them the blog entry after I felt better because they were on the little notes I left there.
     
    Now, I guess, I don't feel lonely...
     
     
     
     
     
    So wait.
     
    What was the moral of the story?
     
    ~AA
  21. Arch-Angel
    For a time I felt secure. I had friends I could laugh with, friends I could trust, knees that wouldn't hurt, Pepsi that wouldn't be out of reach (<-dang good time), and I had a home in an apartment building and not homeless like we were in danger of being fourteen months back. It was another chapter in my life, the time where Jon's life seemed happy. Unfortunately, whenever the next chapter began, after conquering the endeavors of the previous chapters, he would be back in another trial of life. The peace and happiness he had left, now he is more loose in anger and sorrow. He hates sorrow, hated how misery became his posse. He enjoys superkicking misery time and time again, but misery carried an iron jaw.
     
    Stubborn friend.
     
    (back to first person)
     
    The rain is around, the clouds discourage. It's psychological really; dark and gloomy weather brings depression in forecast while the sun is bright and shining, and the light brings happiness and smiles on faces. Though I am conscious of this fact, my heart is still aching.
     
    Hey Wrinkled Lion, what's up? Thought I'd catch you off guard in my blog, knowing you don't like my dreadful entries of depression and how I complain and yada yada yada. I'd send you some offensive sign language considering I'm in that mood, but Omi's always on me about my blog (and I don't blame him. It's his job) and I guess it wouldn't be the most mature thing to do.
     
    It'd be the humane thing to do.
     
    You've heard the sentence maybe a hundred times:
     
    "I have no friends."
     
    Now you usually hear the discouraged person speak that, and it's truly a lie, an accidental lie. What they probably mean is that they have friends to laugh with, but none to cry with. Now I know you guys out there tell me I have to I could talk to, but come on. You're hundreds of miles away, and the closest one of you all is Mojjy who lives in western Mass, and the only reason I'd go there would be for Six Flags.
     
    I don't really have anyone I can have fun with and talk to anytime I want at the moment, and I feel quite lonely. I don't have anyone but my Spanish teacher to vent to, and was one time two weeks ago... and it's my bloody Spanish teacher.
     
    I love my family. Love my mom, love my sister. Though sometimes I just don't like my sister, and my mom is too overprotective of me and doesn't trust the fact that I'm a straightedge. I'm sixteen, after going this long without a cigarette or a drop of alcohol, I deserve a freakin' merit badge with the crud I have to deal with everyday. I can't hang out with people cause I don't smoke, and I don't plan on buying Glen a pack of a cigarettes at Store 24 because I look like I can pass as 18 with my 5 o'clock shadow, I don't want to party with the cute girls and drink until my liver is tired and my brain demands I vomit, I don't want to change the way I look to fit into one crowd (because if you wear American Eagle or Hollister, you're a tool and deserve to die! [/sarcasm]), I don't want to listen to one kind of music, I don't want to shave my head bald and hate others, I don't want to fight people I don't know, I don't want to tell people who to be, and I sure as heck don't want anyone talking smack about me.
     
    I'm just lonely, dang it.
     
    There was this one person, but I'm not even sure if she's even alive. I'm tempted to add another dove to the first content block.
     
    After watching Madagascar 2 with my mom and sis, on the way home as my sister went on to my mom about the mechanic at the Toyota Dealership who is apparently stupid and can't fix the noise she keeps hearing, I found myself doing something.
     
    I was thinking about what I would write to each individual I know. Suicide letters.
     
    Suicide. It sounds so bad. It is, really. Some people think it's a horrid thing, some a disgraceful thing, others- not a thought in the world about it. Me? I don't know. It's something I've thought of a lot in my life. I've tried writing my own goodbye letter but my hand was shaking wildly and I quit on it and torn up the letter, thinking of my mom and how much she'd die inside.
     
    I hate the mere thought, but I want to tell everyone everything I've thought about them. I want to tell this one girl, though she already knows it, that I love her blue eyes and how they stand out from her black hair, that I could stare into them for as long as I could, if I could. I want to tell her boyfriend that he's lucky to have such a pretty girl as his own. I want to tell another girl that I'm sorry we couldn't be friends and that she's just too mean around people she doesn't know to even so much give them a chance. I want to tell another girl (TOO MANY GIRLS) that I enjoyed the time we were together as friends but the smack she talks isn't justified and that she has to less affected by the amount of crud around her or she'll burst into emotional flames. I want to tell another friend that life can be fair, so long as you stay fair and people will treat you nice if you treat them nice. I want to tell this one girl I liked her for her brains, and her looks didn't matter. I want to tell another girl that she isn't the witch she thinks she is, just amazingly honest to the point (no matter how sharp that point is). I want to tell this one teacher his method sucks, but it's what makes him so freakin' cool. I want to tell another kid that smoking will kill him, not a bullet or knife, because those things haven't come yet. I want to tell you love birds out there how to get a girl, but you're relying on inexperience of the people that you think knows what they're doing instead, but I understand why you'd do that (and it makes me chuckle sometimes at the sad fact, and I just chuckled right now). I want to tell another guy to stop thinking overtly about himself and look at other people's problems, and turning on the TV to watch the news isn't a bad idea either, you moron. I want to tell this girl that I like her a lot because she's smart and pretty, but I don't love her, because she's meant for someone more honest and open. I want to tell another girl that she's so smart and pretty, and I hope she finds the English rockstar stud she's hoping to find. I want to tell another girl that I wish I could hold her and tell her I'll be fine and I'll never forget her, and-
     
    I need a Pepsi, badly. I need something.
     
    Unfortunately, I won't selfishly kill myself. I fear my spiritual beliefs got me in the end, because thinking of others and the result of my death didn't work. Thank the Lord (literally).
     
    Well, another day will come. The sun will rise, the sun will set, and I'll be alive, I bet.
     
    Please, don't comment with stuff saying I can cry on your shoulder via PM or IM. I need someone I can physically be with and hug tight.
     
    Should I buy a teddy bear?
     
    I dunno.
     
    Peace out, and by 'peace out', I mean the end of this entry, not my life.
     
    ~AA
  22. Arch-Angel

    Deaf

    By Arch-Angel,

    Based off mostly the flow from the beginning of "I Never Told You What I Do For A Living" by My Chemical Romance.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Open up your mouth
    I just want to hear you
    Why'd I think I knew you?
    Continue talking, why don't you
    Hide your face cause
    The truth hurts, you know
    Going on, speaking slow
    But to hear what you say
    From other people
    Ruins my day
     
    Sometimes I want to stop
    Why lose my hearing for a day?
    I never want to hear what you say
    Ever again
     
    Only smack of coming out of the big mouth of yours
    Lord only knows how many wars
    You have caused
    How many hopes been shattered
    How many souls been battered
    From just the words that passed
    Out your lips
     
    Sometimes I wonder what handicaps are really missing out
    Because without a doubt
    They can't hear what you
    talk about
     
     
     
     
     
    ~AA
  23. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    Think of the loser of the presidential election will be hearin' this from our new prez, whether which one wins.
     
    Beat It by Fall Out Boy.
     
    ~AA
  24. Arch-Angel

    Thomas

    By Arch-Angel,

    Tom is unknowingly ignorant when it comes to news that doesn't involve him or anyone he knows, but that doesn't make him a bad person. He's a brother to me, or that gay cousin in your family the next state over, which ever seems more understandable to you. He's a great person to talk to when you need to get away from the world of politics or whatever is on the news. He can be funny, but I truly believe he's just dumb. He runs on emotions more than he does logic in which his friends around him provide (unfortunately most are girls who also run on emotion). That's usually where I come in, and where I get the right (from him) to insult him whether I mean it or not. Though, he thinks I'm dumb as well. It works out, I guess. Tom has always helped me when it came to looking good and I can truly say that he help me raise the bar when it came to look more attractive to girls. Sure I have to deal with his constant complaining on his boyfriends or hook-ups or whatever, but it gives me the opportunity to tell him he's a moron; quite bittersweet. I've known Tom since before he came out back in the 6th grade when he was getting more girls than you can count, which all changed the summer going into the 9th grade. No, he's had no attraction to me as a boyfriend, and won't bother taking a look at you like that unless he knows you're gay, which is great on my end (because that would be EXTREMELY AWKWARD). Today, Tom is the guy I can talk to when I want to laugh, though not the kind you want to pour your heart out to. He doesn't know much about my struggles in life, and I prefer to keep it that way. But still, he's a great friend.

    ~AA
  25. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    When I was thinking about what song could possibly fit the day before Election Day, I sprang to my Zune Software Player and searched. Luckily I have the Across The Universe soundtrack on here (sorry if you original Beetles luvors hate it) but I think this song works out best.
     
    Revolution by The Beetles (Across The Universe version).
     
    ~AA
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