55555

IC [Viisi]: My meeting with (my creditor) Toa Velox, and this apparent companion of his youth had suddenly shown signs of becoming a practical discussion. I did not need to think long before answering his query, I had been wondering the same thing for some time now and had formed a hypothesis. "I am not experienced in the ways of adventurers, still less those of mercenaries, but I was always of the understanding that you do not seek after adventure, adventure finds you.""Though naturally there are ways to aid the plans of fate. We could ask the local Turaga for tidings, or wait in some gathering place of the inhabitants with open ears. Perhaps a market, or a bar."Velox heaved a sigh, and seemed to have taken slight offence to this, though I did not mean it as a jibe. The Toa with the poorly repaired Kanohi looked away."Or," I said, almost cracking a smile, "We could dance on the roofs until fate notices us."

Welcome aboard amigo.- 55555

Velox and I were talking about this over AIM, and I was saying how my main problem is the awkward wording at times, though I agree with his points about characterization and how the story length is fine how it is. Forgive me for dissecting your story like this, and feel free to ignore my post, but basically I think this is a story worth dissecting, as it was very enjoyable but there were a few things that distracted from that enjoyability:

The hangar doors opened abruptly, light shining through with an immensely blinding force through at first the small crack into a wide space.

An awkward sentence, and somewhat difficult to smooth out. Possibly: "The hangar doors opened abruptly, and a sliver of light shone through with incandescently blinding force. It angled through the crack into the vast interior." Or something like that.

With the flip of a switch ten dazzling fluorescent lights immediately glowed with a blinding brightness, lightening every single object in the large open room.

Should really be "shedding light on". Love this sentence BTW, always good to describe the lighting and stuff.

So sleek, so meticulous with every detail was this shining white object which he had cared for so long and loved so deeply.

I think this should be "meticulous in every detail". I think that any sentence beginning with "so" has to continue into 'that (he couldn't take his eyes off it)". Aagh, I wish I had more knowledge of grammar, I feel like I could do this much better.

Some would think him crazy for how anal he was of its welfare and insides and out, to make sure every spot was clean and that every atom of it was in order.

Probably should be: "Some would think him crazy for how anal he was of its welfare, inside and out, his drive to make sure every spot was clean and that every atom of it was in order."

Every detail of the plane he loved, whether it was the expanded wings stretched outward, the round yet pointed nose, and even the headstrong yet eager and even gentle feeling that emanated from it so subtly.

This sentence is really long, and you say 'and even" twice in a row.

The incredible design of the ship was what enchanted him the most, engrossing him most of all was the smooth, flawless structure of which was engineered into every section.

You say two things in a row that he liked most about the plane in the same sentence. Your use of the word engineered is kind of odd too, I don't think features or design principles can be engineered into something... The sentence is really long, it should probably be split into two.

He outstretched his hands over the right wing of the plane, and he could almost feel the wind blowing so smoothly across its gleaming wing, almost feeling the plane simply trying to lift upward, like it was straining to fly.

Maybe "he stretched out his hands" and "the wind blowing oh so smoothly", and the word "simply" simply should not be there.Anyway good story. - 55555

IC [Viisi]: Why am I here? A stranger in a strange land, in the company of a chronically drunken Toa of Electricity, rendezvousing with another even more disreputable looking Toa. Who would have guessed when I first became a Toa that I would ever sink so low. But unexpected events breed unexpected events, the first of which was the leader of my Toa team suggesting a raid on a Matoran village. Admittedly he had had his reasons; the Matoran had been causing trouble for centuries, fighting amongst themselves and the violence had begun spilling into other realms. But I knew the real reason; there were weapons of great power there.My team mates went along with him, I did not. I sat out the raid but stayed in the team.Things got worse and worse, my team slowly spiralled into decay, abandoning the Toa code and all that Toa stand for. At last I could take no more, their latest outrage they were planning was too much, not only did I leave the team, but I sought help to thwart its corrupt aims.In my urgent search for assistance I found an inebriated Toa of Electricity, and after extracting him from some unpleasantness I plead my cause and like any true Toa would, he came to my assistance. With one condition however; that I would accompany him for a month in his endeavors.So here I am five months later, my team unwrought and my life a shambles.- 55555

Try using the smudge tool, it's a lot of fun.- 55555

Hey, non-entry question here: is "per day" counted as a 24 hour period, or simply the passing of one day to another?

Please use the entry form.- 55555

Wow. No votes for me. Sad. I thought my "Your leechcraft would have me crawling on all fours like a Rahi!" was pretty good. I guess that's competition though.

Bear in mind that there re very few votes in this poll. Yeah, that was great. - 55555

I'll be working on expanding and improving this.

• [*]A detailed description of his appearance: Black and gray with white highlights. Wears and Akaku.[*]Weakness(es): Highly suspicious of almost everyone. Extremely scrupulous and has a tendency to over think things.[*]Name: Viisi[*]Species: Toa[*]Gender: Male[*]Powers and/or weapons: Earth elemental powers. Kanohi Akaku.[*]Alignment: Good[*]Personality and history: Once a member of a Toa team, resigned for reasons unknown. Trusts friends too much and others too little.

- 55555

So like the last contest, these are kind of like the runner ups, but only behind one in each category?

These are the top of each category. Each of the Winning stories was judged as a whole, the stories in the polls were judged on specific triats. The winners are the entries that were judged to be the best stories, these are judged to be the best in specific areas.One way to think of it is like this. The Contest Winners are winners of the Best Story category, while the other stories are winners of less important categories: Best Use Of Tolkienian Inspiration, Best Chracterization, and Best Ending.Kind of difficult to explain clearly. - 55555

The judging has been completed and we are working on our replacement for the People's Choice poll. Expect some polls up early tomorrow*.*Like 4 AM EST.- 55555

He's kidding, I'm kidding. There was no such game, and it was awesome.

Yeah I remember not playing that. Good times, good times...- 55555

They might have left before you joined... They were present in many of the first ten or so games. =)

Yeah I remember them. Novu and I had at least one good game as the mob. Don't think I ever really played with Dex, but I remember her.- 55555

Some news gents; the calendar is now hosted to BZPower itself, and thus has a much prettier URL and is better for other reasons! Big thanks to Black Six for obliging us!

Wow, this project has really got me to realize something: I ought to put a little more of my art on BZPower. Maybe to some Bionicle-related artwork, too, which I've never done before. Vezok's Friend has helped me realize that there's also a lot of potential in photoshop, and ToM Dracone has just inspired me by being awesome. Maybe I'll end up finding my nitch here on BZPower once again.So far, I'm particularly impressed with the scope of VF's imagination, but I also like the medium used in February's art (although the actual picture itself lacks somewhat in its execution). March, in its simplicity, ads a very interesting contrast to the previous pictures. I can't wait to see ToM's artwork.Your Honor,Tyrannosaurus Kraggh

Thanks! Yeah, I won't pretend I'm and expert, I've worked with my tablet very little. But I'm glad I made something worth looking at at least. :)Yeah, put up some art, more art is always good. Maybe you'll get an invite for Project 2013!- 55555

Back and in.Who will be the first to go?- 55555

Congrats gentlemen!I hope we have another one of these soon. I wanted to enter this one but didn't manage to get my act together. Maybe a team based one next time?- 55555

What's that behind you?Is it a spirit in the mist? A radiance about it's head, a fear about your heart.Oh actually it's a just a meteorological phenomenon. Take pictures if you feel like it.- 55555

Actually Fractures, the Judged Winner for SSC #8 was 6,132 words.- 55555

Beautiful work this month. Is there a way to look at past months?

There is now, check them out. :)Also, front paged! - 55555

'Grats Sumiki on your 10,000. (gah)- 55555

It was three hours 'til dawn, and I was walking across a bridge, with my chicken under my arm, when I saw a Chinese woman who in my opinion was beautiful, must have been about 19, and I instantly fell in love and started writing a book of long word filled poetry right there in the street.- 55555

I am very proud to see this topic has reached almost three full pages.

Ya know, I was doing really well today until I saw this post.

Are we not drawn onward? We few, drawn onward to new era?

I thought you were supposed to be afraid of making statements like that.

It's part of therapy.I'm gonna beat this thing!

- 55555

Hey guys, everyone check out MatoroIgnika's art for the month!

The February artwork looks really cool. My only criticism is that Nuju looks too organic. Otherwise, very nice job, 55555.

Thanks! Yeah, I'm not very experienced with my tablet.

I like the style of this one. Nice contrast of the red of the bird with the green webs. Though, the webs seem a bit... too vibrant as background material (I probably would have gone a few shades darker for them, but that's just my taste in color talking. ><). Actually, I don't think it's the fact that they're too bright, but maybe because the mist above is really light?Both the rahi and Nuju are very organic. That's not a bad thing (after all, Nuju is a mutant here, so looking unnatural would be... well, normal. XP). Though, he does look more like a Glatorian than a toa. His armor design is interesting. I like the style of this one, even though it's not that accurate to the set (Note to self: Dear compliments... try to sound more like compliments. D= ).The clouds are something I really don't like in this, however. They're too orderly and almost look solid. They also stick out a good deal compared to the smooth misty effect behind them. Maybe adding in more movement in the mist would help blend them in (brush strokes, circular motions maybe? I've nevery really drawn clouds before and I'm not that skilled with digital art, so I wouldn't know). Also, the clouds seem too orderly in shape. The movement's there (although the movement itself is really orderly too), but clouds are naturally chaotic and random in form, so don't be afraid to mix it up a bit.I love the webs on the knowledge towers. ^^ It's really a pleasure to look at. Great piece for February. ^^

I think the clouds are fine as long as you don't think about them. XD Tons of room for improvement on them, I agree. Thanks!

Is that a Pyrrhuloxia Cardinal?

Actually no, I just made it up. Though I see the resemblance.- 55555

Well, it's Galadriel, saying "The world has changed." I know it's in Fellowship, but not what scene. I'm trying to get a hold of the movie to find out though. Thanks!

There's the quote "The world is changed" which happens at the very beginning of the first movie, the full quote being:"The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who, above all else, desire power. But they were, all of them, deceived, for another Ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all. "Not sure if that's the quote you mean, but that's one I could find in the Fellowship.As to your original question, we request that you do not use stories posted on other sites but as 5 5's said, you may post it anywhere you'd like after the contest is over.@ Nuile, I will PM you.

Treebeard says to Celeborn and Galadriel, in the Many Partings chapter of Return of the King:"It is sad that we should meet only thus at the ending. For the world is changing: I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, and I smell it in the air. I do not think we shall meet again."Just FYI.- 55555

Okay, I've made my decision, but would it be okay if I posted this on another site after it's done? If not, I have another idea, but that one I need to save. Also, is it okay if I can only find the book/movie of the quote? I've looked everywhere, but can't find what scene it's in.

Yeah, you can post it anywhere you want after you've posted it on BZP. The current rule is basically that you're not supposed to post it publicly for critiques before you enter.What' the quote? Maybe I or someone else can locate it for you.

Curses. I forgot myself and edited my story to fix a few errata a reviewer pointed out. I guess I'm disqualified, aren't I?

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Not necessarily. I'll talk it over with Velox, we'll see.- 55555

Yeah, pretty sure it's confirmed that it's the decisions, which is why those are different. And I agree that they are two different Onuas. What else could they be? They cannot be the same Onua. They are two different people, in two different worlds. And yes, twins is a good analogy.Not sure what you meant about the butterfly effect. Anything doing anything will causally affect other things. I don't see why anyone would doubt that, but the term is sometimes used for things that go beyond the main idea of it. Usually it's used for time travel, explaining why a visitor to the past would have to be careful not to interfere even in tiny ways, which is of course not relevant here, though. But I'm sure I'm just not seeing what you meant by it.

Right, yeah, I just hadn't thought about it and then tried to figure it out in a way that made sense.The lack of a Butterfly Effect is just my way of eliminating universes that are almost exactly the same. For instance if Tahu decides to pick up a rock and throw it in the lava or whether he decides to do it a split second later, or not at all. If you go with the Butterfly Effect then that would create three different universe; more likely infinite ones for different points of time in which he made his decision.

"the butterfly effect" is an allusion to some time travel story (which I cannot remember the titlte of right off hand) is which a character kills a butterfly and causes major league differences in the English Language grammar. It is rather silly; I mean, really?Anyway, this theory is rather brilliant. I support you.

Thanks!- 55555