Excelsior

Thanks!I didn't actually decide to make it a story-within-a-story until I'd gotten to Lhii surfing. At that point it was just flat-out parody; then I realized I could make it Takua's parody, which really helped the story.I'm glad you think they sounded canon, too. High praise for a fanfic.Again, thanks a lot for the positive feedback!-Excelsior

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: FlightWord Count: 536Story: Mata Nui's FlightMata Nui flew.He flew into the void. He flew away from the shattered remains of Spherus Magna, planet of his creation.As he flew, his newly-awakened mind reviewed what he knew of the universe.___I am Mata Nui, creation of the Great Beings, all that remains of the once-great spirit of Spherus Magna. Within me exist myriad forms of artificial life, like myself...but inferior... that labor to keep me well and properly functioning. I am to maintain the proper balance of their universe and watch over their well-being, for my own is dependent upon theirs.The world of the Great Beings has been destroyed in a vast Shattering. It is my purpose to repair it. But the remains will not be stable enough for re-formation for approximately 100,043.07 years. In the interval. I am to observe other regions of the universe, gathering information for the aid of Spherus Magna and the Great Beings.My immediate objective is flight. Then, I shall begin my observations. When the time is right, I will return.___The forty-million foot tall robot jetted into space.From their refuge, three Great Beings - the three who had first conceived of Mata Nui, who had overseen and developed every stage of his creation - watched the sight in awe.Their world was in ruins, their Agori peoples destitute, and they felt that strongly. But as they watched Mata Nui, a new emotion temporarily overrode their grief and guilt."It flies," one muttered incredulously. "Just as we planned it to.""Our greatest creation," the second said. "It works. It works perfectly in every detail.""A forty million foot tall robot," whispered the last. "And it flies."They gazed at Mata Nui's flight, filled, amid the sorrow of the Shattering, with the pride of successful creators.___Unknown to them, another being, within Mata Nui, was feeling the same pride. He could not oversee its movements, in his new identity. But everything was going just as they had hoped it would. All was well. Even he could tell that.We did it, he thought. He's flying by now.And then he moved back to tasks, his assumed life, and his observations, as Mata Nui flew on.___Lesovikk, Toa of Air, flew through the sky.I can almost feel the presence of the Great Spirit, he thought. He flies with me, and I with him.A sudden downdraft caught him. Still a novice in the ways of his element, he was nearly dashed to the ground - before another gust carried him upward again."Thank Mata Nui," he gasped, recovering his poise in the air.Lesovikk, and Mata Nui, flew on.___Mata Nui, creation of the Great Beings, salvation of Spherus Magna, Great Spirit of the Matoran Universe, flew on. All was well within him, and his great heart was filled with raw energy. That was good, for upon him depended the welfare of two worlds.But within that heart, in a perpetual stasis, slept six.Six nanobots of Mata Nui's many subjects. Six pieces of the grand machine that was the robot. Six heroes of the Great Spirit.They slept, waiting, lest Mata Nui's flight ever came to a halt.

I voted for 1.Well, my entry is the most comedic here - I hope that's a good thing. I had no idea what to write about a lava-surfing Matoran, so I started writing about how he does nothing but surf. Then it expanded from there.So, I was having trouble with this theme, but by making fun of it, I actually had fun writing for it! Pretty sure there's some profound moral in that somewhere. Or something.Anyway, may the best story win!-Excelsior

I voted for 1.-Excelsior

I voted for 3. Tahu is the greatest lava surfer of all.-Excelsior

I voted for 4. I really liked the way it interspersed Vakama's version of the event with the Matoran's flashback of it. A cool idea (yes, I know it's a story about a fire), and nicely executed.-Excelsior

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: The GameWord Count: 432Story:Alexander had nothing left to work for. His fortune was currently too large to be spent in a normal lifetime, so he shouldn't need to find a new source of revenue for some decades. His mansions and other real estate had everything he wanted. And they, and he, were fully equipped with all the latest tricks for escape or defense from his enemy. And his enemy hadn't shown up. Alexander was puzzled. They had been battling for centuries upon centuries, and nothing like this had ever happened before. And Alexander had won last time. Logically, Aaron should be wanting payback. Alexander went to his computer - a comparatively recent luxury in their never-ending chase - and began searching for his enemy. If he recalled correctly, the last time they had met, his enemy had been calling himself Aaron Morris, or something like that (it was a weakness of his, which Alexander shared, to use his own first name whenever possible). Alexander had managed to frame him for theft - from Alexander's own company - landing him in jail for thirty-odd years. That had made two rounds in a row he had won. But that was considerably longer than thirty years ago, and Aaron should have been out by now. After some time, Alexander managed to find a record of one Aaron I. Morrison's escape from prison, twenty-three years ago. He grinned for a moment, wondering what the I. had been supposed to stand for, if anything, and resolved to ask Aaron next time he saw him. It was the sort of thing Aaron would remember. But that reminded him that he should have already seen Aaron. Surely it wouldn't take him twenty-three years to get back in fighting shape. Alexander stared at the screen in worry. For all the years they had fought, there had never been real hatred between Aaron and him. Some ill-will, he remembered, in the beginning, but that had evaporated over time. The only two Immortals either of them knew of, their shared fate, and history, had become a bond. Their rivalry had become a game, a way they could both pass the endless time. And if something had happened to Aaron, Alexander would have to find him. Frowning, he turned to one of his e-mail accounts, to begin. But then he noticed an odd message at the top of his inbox. It appeared to have been sent from this account itself. He opened it. It held only five words. They said, I'M COMING FOR YOU.Aaron. Alexander smiled. The next round had begun.The game would continue.___EDIT: I re-wrote the last line because I realized I'd basically stolen Zosia Darr's. Sorry about that.-X

For some time, the Toa Ekara of Iron had been standing in the center of the village square, slowly turning from side to side. Passing Matoran glanced at him, but moved on. Toa Tiro on watch was a common site on Mount Kohanga.Now, deactivating his Mask of Vision, he turned to his teammate. "Nothing, Poro. I checked everything within a kio radius, including the sky and the tunnels in the mountain. All I saw was a Matoran trade caravan that seems to be on the way here." He paused. "Anything to fear from them, do you think?"The Stone Toa looked uncertain. "I'm... not sure. Where's Matakite?""Right here," came a voice behind them. They turned. A tall, ebony-clad Toa of Earth had just come out of the ground. "Something wrong?""I had one of my visions," Poro told him. "I only remember glimpses, but it was bad." He shivered.Matakite looked grave. Poro's teammates had learned, years ago, to listen to his Mask of Clairvoyance. "And what did you say at the time?" he asked. "Tiro, were you there?"Tiro shook his head. "He told me afterward so I could scan," he replied. "He was alone when it happened." He activated his mask again. "But I sent a messenger to Mahara - I thought she could help. She's coming now."In a few moments, Mahara, Toa Ekara of Lightning, came into the others' view. She hurried to join the rest of her team."I got your note, Tiro," she said. "Did you find anything?""Only a Matoran trade caravan," he said again. "Matakite wants to know what Poro said in the trance."She nodded. "Where were you?" she asked Poro."On the wall - alone, unfortunately," he replied. He held out a small, half-formed sculpture. "But I was working on this at the time."She nodded again, and took it, activating her Mask of Psychometry.She stood there, searching, straining for that one point in the stone's past.After several moments, she looked up at her brothers."I found it," she said. "'Mercenaries, slaves - darkness...'that was the first thing he said. After 'darkness,' he started shaking, violently." She paused in remembrance. "Then he said 'Darkness... evil... and hidden in...' - he stopped again there - 'in that we have sworn to protect.'""'In that we have sworn to protect'?" Matakite repeated. The words had chilled him. "Is this darkness ... is it in the village? Or-""Matoran!" Poro exclaimed. The others looked at him. "I still don't remember, no. But think about it - what else could it be but Matoran?"There was a slight pause."Perhaps," Matakite said, "you should take a closer look at that caravan, Tiro."The Iron Toa was already examining it. "Quite a few guards, all well armed," he reported. "But this is a dangerous area... Six wagons, large, pulled by Ussals... Cargo..." his voice changed slightly. "I think we have a problem.""What is it?" Matakite demanded."The cargo seems to be composed mainly of weapons. And some machines I can't really identify." He paused. "I'd call that evidence enough.""Perhaps," Matakite replied. "But we have sworn to protect them, and we can't attack - especially on suspicion. Whoever organized this... infiltration may have counted on that.""But attack is not our only option."He nodded at his brothers and sister. "I'm going outside. Keep an eye on me, Tiro. You'll know what to do."A week later, a party of utterly demoralized Matoran raiders found their way out of the mountainous maze they had been trapped in. A maze made of equal parts solid walls - constructed by the Toa of Earth, Iron and Stone - and haunting visions - courtesy of Matakite's Mask of Illusions.Thanks to the combined visions of the Toa Ekara, the Barraki's plans of conquest had received a slight check.___My entry for the first theme of the Flash Fiction Marathon, slightly edited. There were a few things I had no time to fix when I entered, and I've put back some stuff I'd cropped out for space considerations.It's also my first story on BZP, and my first completed Bionicle fanfic. (I started a story for the last SSC, but was to lazy to take it anywhere.)My names were all taken directly from Maori, except for Poro and Tiro. Those were shortenings of "poropiti" and "tirohanga" respectively. Maybe they're nicknames or something.Thanks for reading!-Excelsior

I voted for 6, although I also liked 2. Probably everyone here can relate to the writer protagonist.On a side note, it's interesting to read 2 and 5 together, as they're saying exactly the opposite things.May the best story win!-ExcelsiorEDIT: Hey, I have a vote. That's cool.I have to admit, I wasn't hoping for too much this theme. I just wanted to enter something.-X

I voted for 1. I think it may be the best "person-as-treasure" story I've seen in this contest. It's hard to pull that off in only 600 words.But it was hard to choose - there were too many good entries in this poll!Anyway, may the best story win!-Excelsior

I voted for 1-Excelsior

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: Legends of LhiiWord Count: 600Story:The storyteller began his tale..."'Death to Lhii!' the mob roared. Their leader raised his fist."'All Lhii ever does is surf, while the rest of us actually work for a living! This - ends - NOW!'"'Also, what's with the all-yellow armor?' another Matoran interjected. 'That's just weird.'"The entire mob stared at him. He stared back. 'What?'"'Uh, Takua?' Kapura said... slowly. 'You have a light blue mask.'"'That's different!' the Matoran protested. 'After all, I admit I'm a freak.' Murmurs of agreement were heard from the mob. 'He thinks he's a hero.'"'I'm with Takua!' someone shouted. 'Even if he is a freak!'"The leader of the mob raised his hand again. 'Come on, then!' he cried. 'Let's go to the lava falls!'"The crowd began marching, chanting 'Death - to - Lhii!' as they waved their torches (although I'm not sure what they hoped to set fire to in a volcano) and their lava pitchforks (from their lava farms, of course).""It was late at night, and the only light at the falls came from the glowing lava. A normal Matoran would have been at home, sleeping. But Lhii was not a normal Matoran, had no home, and did not sleep. He surfed."He surfed away on the dangerous lava flows, nonchalantly accomplishing every impossible feat he could think of. Because he was the Best. Surfer. Ever."As he surfed -"The blue-masked Matoran stopped abruptly."You've stopped working again, Takua," Vakama said gently.The circle of listeners melted away. Takua looked at the ground."You caused others to stop work too," The elder continued, still gently."And did I hear you making fun of Lhik- I mean, Lhi?"Takua looked guilty. "Just writing a legend of my own, Turaga," he said, shrugging."Legends are not written,Takua!" Vakama said sharply, and possibly hypocritically. "They are lived." Takua said nothing.A nearby Ta-Matoran, wearing a yellow Hau, stopped working. "He didn't mean any harm, Turaga Vakama," he defended him. "You know Takua - he just can't stop talking."The Turaga looked at him reproachfully. "Am I to understand that you also approved of this - this mockery, Jala? You are of the clan of Lhii!"Takua looked up at that. "He wasn't involved, Turaga. It wasn't his fault - he told me to stop.""Well, that's something, anyway," Vakama sighed. "But that doesn't answer my other question, Takua - why are you mocking the great legend of Lhii?"Takua fidgeted. "I'm sorry, Vakama, I just-" He stopped, told himself the Ta-Matoran Principle was Courage, and started again. "I just don't see why his his legend is so great!""I know he fought Rahi," he hurried, seeing Vakama's expression, "but so has every member of the Guard! Most Matoran have, at least a few times. And I know all about his lava-surfing-" he looked at the Turaga almost defiantly"- but is that all it takes to qualify as a hero? Some athletic ability? Why not make legends about that Po-Matoran, Huki, while we're at it?"His voice died away. "That's - all I was saying, Turaga. Sorry."Vakama sighed."I see your point of view, Takua," he said, "and perhaps it's understandable. But trust me, there was much more to him than that. Jala can be proud to - be of his clan."Now get back to work, Takua."The Matoran gave a subdued nod and hurried to join his friend.Ten minutes later, he was convulsing Jala with a new story, about three Matoran, a kolhii ball, and a Tarakava.But he kept Lhii out of it.

That should be fine, just as long as it's correct writing with proper grammar and whatnot (in other words, not filled with emoticons and leet and improper grammar like many comedies in the Comedies forum). Just remember that the focus is "The Legend of Lhii" -- if you want to see that legend as something somewhat comedic, then that's up to you. Hope that answers it well. Okay, thanks a lot. Since I asked that, it seems to have gotten a bit more serious, actually. But I'm glad to hear it's all right.-Excelsior

Hey, I have a question.I was thinking of doing a more comedic entry for Legends of Lhii - more of a Parody of Lhii - because I don't really have any serious ideas. So, would that be allowed, or does everything comedic belong in the Comedies forum?Thanks!-Excelsior

I liked 3 best, in the end, but 2 came very close. Its setting was kind of confusing to me, though.Notes on random Entries:I enjoyed the 'mad chef' line in 5, although the plot didn't seem to hang together as well as it could have.I liked 6 too - unfortunately, it didn't stress the 'Treasure' note quite strongly enough.Anyway, may the best story win!-Excelsior

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: TreasureWord Count: 443Story:"I've been searching for treasure since I was a child," the young wanderer said. He stood before the group he had assembled - adventurers, warriors, mercenaries. "It's an old story - my tribe was conquered and our lands stolen by a stronger tribe. Though we escaped with our freedom, our lands and possessions changed into other hands. My tribe is impoverished, and it's my job to change that. "I've made it a rule to work alone. My finds have been small enough without division with strangers. "Now I'm breaking that rule. Not because I want to, mind you. But this is too big a job for one man, and my tribe is far away. And whatever's at the end... is still more than worth the trip." He paused, eying his listeners. Many of them looked impatient or bored. But a few - those whom he had known longest - looked intrigued, and a bit apprehensive. These knew, or had heard of, his expertise in searching out valuables. They also knew his customary reserve concerning his past and present affairs, and his determination never to let anyone have a penny of his finds - even at the risk of his life, he worked alone. They knew any venture he was willing to give others a share in, a share which extended to the profits, must be something very big. "Over a month ago," he continued, "I heard a rumor - a rumor of a legend come true - up north. I investigated." He paused. "Many of you are treasure hunters yourselves. How many of you have heard of the Minemaster's hoard?" By their reaction, he judged perhaps a quarter of them had. Although it was an obscure myth, all treasure-seekers heard it eventually. The legendary giant stockpile of all the best precious metals and stones unearthed by the miners of many countries, and given to the just-as-legendary Minemaster, their chieftain. The size of the hoard was only matched by the deadliness of its defenses. One of them spoke up. "It's also called the Bounty of the Earth," he conceded, "But most of us call it the Dream-Quest, if not the Treasure-Seeker's Doom." He looked at the youth hard. "You say it's real? And attainable?" "That's why you're here," the youth responded simply. "With my information, and all our efforts, we can find and retrieve it - if the rest of you will join me." There was a pause. Then one man rose. "If your proof is good, I'm in," he said. "I would call this quest the Ultimate, for a treasure-seeker." One by one, the others followed. To the Ultimate Treasure, or to death.-----I'm not really expecting to win with this. But the point of these challenges is to get you writing, and to not stress over it too much, so here it is. At least I got it written a little earlier than last time.-Excelsior

I went with 6, though I can see 7's appeal. (Obviously a large one.) It was a bit dark, and maybe a bit chaotic, for me, I think.Fun fact: in Maori, "Ringatoi" means "artist."May the best story win!-Excelsior

Every entry here had something going for it, I have to say. However, I personally narrowed it down to 5 and 7.And in the end, I went with 5. I think part of its appeal was its visions, of the 'supercomputer.'May the best story win!-Excelsior

I had a tough choice between 1 and 4. Both had cool stories and good writing. In the end, I went for 1 - I felt the writing style was slightly better.They would both be in my poll, of course. But hey, my story read better than I expected it to after frantically chopping sentences and hurrying to post it last night. Even if Tiro does turn into Tirohanga in the last line. Oh well.Anyway, may the best story win!-Excelsior

I went with 4, although I admit I wasn't quite sure where Misak and Talek were in the end. The Toa Empire? But I liked the story. It sounded like the beginning of something - not uncommon for flash fiction.There were a couple of other especially well written ones. 1 and 6 stood out to me for that, but I didn't vote for them, for reasons outlined below. (I'm afraid they're slightly subjective, but fiction judging may have to be.)1 raised the interesting question of just where visions do come from in the MU. However, I had a couple of problems with it. First, they talked too much about what Vakama's visions may have done for him personally, and not enough about the way they, well, kinda SAVED THE UNIVERSE. I'd call that proof they aren't just glitches.Also, I think it might have improved it if Vakama had been talking to Nokama or another Turaga Metru. Dume's always come across as kind of a pain to me, more than a wise elder.6 was just too vengeful for me. If the Turaga had tricked him to his death to help his own Matoran, that would've been different. But his death served no purpose but to give them revenge.Anyway, I chose 4. May the best story win!-Excelsior

I voted for 8 - I thought next best were 1 and 9.Well, I guess now we know why Makuta decided to put his biggest enemy in one of the most powerful objects in existence. (Interestingly, in Makuta's Guide to the Universe, he refers to that move as "brilliant.")-Excelsior

ExcelsiorVisionsWord Count: 594 Deactivating his Mask of Vision, Toa Tiro of Iron he turned to his teammate. "Nothing, Poro. I checked everything within a kio radius, including the sky and the tunnels in the mountain. All I saw was a Matoran trade caravan that seems to be on the way here." He paused. "Anything to fear from them, do you think?" His teammate looked uncertain. "I'm... not sure. Where's Matakite?" "Right here," came a voice behind them. They turned. A tall, Mahiki-wearing Toa of Earth had just come out of the ground. "Something wrong?" "I had one of my visions," Poro told him. "I only remember glimpses, but it was bad." He shivered. Matakite looked grave. Poro's teammates had learned, years ago, to listen to his Mask of Clairvoyance. "And what did you say at the time?" he asked. "Tiro, were you there?" Tiro shook his head. "He told me afterward so I could scan," he replied. "He was alone when it happened." He activated his mask again. "But I sent a messenger to Mahara - I thought she could help. She's coming now." In a few moments, Mahara, Toa Ekara of Lightning, came into the others' view. She hurried to join the rest of her team. "I got your note, Tiro," she said. "Did you find anything?" "Only a Matoran trade caravan," he said again. "Matakite wants to know what Poro said in the trance." She nodded. "Where were you?" she asked Poro. "On the wall - alone, unfortunately," he replied. He held out a small, half-formed sculpture. "But I was working on this at the time." She nodded again, and took it, activating her Mask of Psychometry. She stood there, searching, straining for that one point in the stone's past. After several moments, she looked up at her brothers. "I found it," she said. "'Mercenaries, slaves - darkness...'that was the first thing he said. After 'darkness,' he started shaking, violently." She paused in remembrance. "Then he said 'Darkness... evil... and hidden in...' - he stopped again there - 'in that we have sworn to protect.'" "'In that we have sworn to protect'?" Matakite repeated. The words had chilled him. "Is this darkness ... is it in the village? Or-""Matoran!" Poro exclaimed. The others looked at him. "I still don't remember, no. But think about it - what else could it be but Matoran?"There was a slight pause."Perhaps," Matakite said, "you should take a closer look at that caravan, Tiro."The Iron Toa was already examining it. "Quite a few guards, all well armed," he reported. "But this is a dangerous area... Six wagons, large, pulled by Ussals... Cargo..." his voice changed slightly. "I think we have a problem.""What is it?" Matakite demanded."The cargo seems to be composed mainly of weapons. And some machines I can't really identify." He paused. "I'd call that evidence enough.""Perhaps," Matakite replied. "But we have sworn to protect them, and we can't attack - especially on suspicion. Whoever organized this... infiltration may have counted on that.""But attack is not our only option."He nodded at his brothers and sister. "I'm going outside. Keep an eye on me, Tirohanga. You'll know what to do."A week later, a party of utterly demoralized Matoran raiders found their way out of the mountainous maze they had been trapped in - a maze made of equal parts solid walls, and haunting visions, courtesy of Matakite's Great Mahiki.The Barraki's plans of conquest had received a slight check, thanks to the various visions of the Toa Ekara.

While I liked things about all of them, I went with To Trap A Tahnok. Here's my (somewhat subjective) reasoning:Dreams of Darkness: Quite well-written, but too dark for my taste. I don't think I like horror. Also, I thought the description of the body was a bit too grisly. There's also some continuity troubles (like, the Metru could never have possibly gone to Karzahni, and I don't think he can shapeshift), but I don't really mind things like that. It's poetic license.All That Glitters: Nothing was resolved. What was Vitram doing? What role did the Dark Hunters actually play in all this? Who is the murderer? We never really find out. I understand that's the writer's goal; I just don't like it. And I didn't like Vitram dying. I don't think he deserved it...All Our Sins Remembered: I didn't really understand her backstory at all, but it's a good story. I liked it; I just preferred Tahnok.Ignition: Well-written, again. I liked how the characters were portrayed, especially Dume as the politician/dictator. But the ending spoiled it for me. Nuparu shouldn't have turned it on. I think it would have been better if he had tried to stop Dume and failed.To Trap A Tahnok was my favorite. I liked seeing Matoran win their own battle, I liked the portrayal of Kopaka, which I thought was fairly accurate, and I liked the writing. The grammar/spelling was mostly fine (except for a few typos and jumbled sentences near the beginning) and the writing and imagery were pretty good. So it got my vote.May the best story win!-Romanadvoratrelundar