Excelsior

Chapter 8 Chief Defilak looked up from his desk. Beside him, rhythmically scraping his shredder claws together, sat his friend and trusted operative, Agent Piruk.“Yes, Commander Lewa – Toa Kopaka?” he greeted the two veterans.Kopaka gave him a cold stare. “Do you have any more information on the attacks, Chief?”“Very little,” he responded grimly. “Whatever this is, it can do more than just possess-control minds – it can destroy them.“Captain Jaller has been stripped bare – memories, thought-knowledge, everything. Certainly, he won't be a help to us." Defilak paused. "His mind is broken, I much-fear.""And Toa Nuparu?" Lewa interjected. "Has he woken up yet?""No, but he should any minute," the chief replied. "Turaga Onewa's about to interrogate him now. Would you care to join us?"Kopaka nodded. "I believe we would."Turaga Onewa was already in the closely-guarded hospital cell when they arrived. He stood at the sight of the Nuva."Kopaka - Lewa," he began. "I was so grieved to hear of your loss. Onua was a great Toa.""Yeah," Lewa cut him off. "We knew that. Isn't there some sort of interrogation scheduled here?""We thank you for your sympathy, Turaga," Kopaka amended. "However, perhaps we should continue with the questioning."Onewa nodded understandingly - remembering, perhaps, the deaths of his own brothers. "Of course."He moved to the bedside. "Nuparu," he said, "are you awake?"Nuparu's eyes opened. "I...guess so," he said, groaning slightly. "What, was I in a lab accident?"He looked at the Turaga. "Wait a second. You're here." He sighed. "So was this one of my top-secret, super-classified lab accidents? Those are the worst ones..."Turaga Onewa gave a momentary smile. "I'm afraid it's worse than that."He showed Nuparu the fireworks revolver. "What do you remember about this?"Nuparu gave a gasp, eyes wide. "That's what I was working on! Then...then..." he paused uncertainly, "...what happened next? Did - did I..."He trailed off, looking around. When he noticed the Toa Nuva both there, he gave a sigh of relief."Thank Mata Nui!" he said. "You're still alive.""Yes," Kopaka said, a bit grimly. "We're still alive."Nuparu turned to Onewa again. "But that is what happened, isn't it? The murderer - it must have taken me, while I was looking at its gun?""Frankly," Onewa told him, "we're not quite sure ourselves. Tell me everything you remember."Nuparu's brow furrowed as he tried to think back."The last I remember," he began, "I was in my lab, just sort of holding the gun. I'd given it a thorough exam already, of course. But I was just wishing there was something else I could do - some other way to help find the Prime Minister's killer." His voice trembled for a moment."And then?" the Turaga prompted, as Nuparu paused."That's the last thing I remember clearly," the Toa of Earth said slowly. "But there was more - like a dream, or something. I have an impression of something big happening, something urgent - something I had to tell Jaller about right away. Then running, I think, to his office...then it's allpretty blank...and then I was awake again, but not really.""And what exactly was happening then?" the Turaga asked patiently."Jaller was there, and he'd just asked me what it was he told us when we were leaving for Voya Nui. I seemed awake then, because I heard him and understood him perfectly, but it didn't occur to me to wonder why he was asking me that. Or where I was, for that matter, or what we were doing there.""And what did you do?""Answered the question, just like I would have normally," Nuparu said, shrugging. "He'd said -" he paused "-you don't have to be a Toa to be a hero."When I told him that, he started laughing - it was pretty ironic, when you think about it. I must have been waking up a little more by then, because I was kind of confused, but I was laughing too. Then -" he shook his head helplessly "- everything went blank. I remember absolutely nothing else until waking up, just now.""Thank you, Nuparu," Turaga Onewa said. "This may prove helpful. It's certainly more information than we have on the last incident, although it's not very much to go on."Nuparu looked confused. "But, Turaga, didn't Jaller tell you his side? I was talking to him, wasn't... I...?"Realization hitting him, his voice trailed off. He looked appealingly from one face to another."Is Jaller alive?""He is alive," Onewa said gently. "But - I'm sorry, Nuparu. His mind has been broken."He quickly told him the little they knew. Nuparu listened, eyes filled with grief and horror."But I didn't do that," he stammered. "I wouldn't do that to Jaller - I wouldn't!"It was Kopaka who answered. "Of course you wouldn't," he said, in what was, for him, an unusually gentle voice. "Any more than Gresh would kill Onua. But someone attacked them, and that someone used you, both."I don't know why, if the killer is truly after the Nuva, it would attack Jaller. I can only assume that one or both of you had discovered something of importance, and it took this means of silencing you - getting into your mind to block your memories, trying, perhaps, to kill Jaller, and, in any case, attacking him mentally, to ensure he would not tell whatever he knew."But in that case," he continued reflectively, "what was it you knew?"He turned to Onewa. "Turaga, are his memories of the incident erased or merely blocked? Can you tell?"The Turaga shut his eyes. His Komau, which had been in use, to a small degree, throughout the interview was now probing Nuparu's mind. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes."Near the beginning," he said slowly, "I believe there are blocked - perhaps recoverable - memories. The later memories, on the other hand, seem increasingly blurry and faint, until there is literally nothing there. Certainly there is nothing between his last speech with Jaller and his awakening here.""Turaga," Chief Defilak said, "it looks like you should get to work on those. Unblock his memories. Seek-find what he knows. Oh, and I'll give you both a guard, 36/7. We know the killer want-needs these memories blocked, badly.""Might I suggest a different approach?" Kopaka said abruptly.Defilak turned to him. "Yes, Toa Nuva?""As you say," the Toa began, "the killer - whoever and whatever it is - badly wants Nuparu's memories to stay blocked. In fact, that desire already seems to have cost one innocent being his sanity. If there is a chance of his memories being recovered, I suggest that the only outcome would be injury - to Nuparu, to Turaga Onewa, and possibly to others.""So what are you suggesting, Kopaka?" Defilak said suspiciously."I am suggesting," Kopaka said, looking him in the eye, "that you drop the case.""What?" Lewa cried. "Are you out of your mind, Kopaka? That - that slime-spawn - killed Onua!""Silence, Toa of Air," Kopaka said, his voice deadly cold. "Let me finish."If we are to go by the gun," he continued, in a room suddenly stilled, "he is aiming for two victims and two only, as long as others stay out of his way: Lewa, Commander of the Special Forces - important, but not irreplaceable; and myself, a lone Toa with no positions or duties to give up. There is a chance" - although he considered it a slight one, Kopaka didn't say so - "that, if he manages to kill us, he will trouble you no more. In the long run, it could be much less costly than you fighting him.""So - I'm supposed to just give up?" Nuparu said, voice raw. "This thing killed my old Toa, my hero. He crippled my brother and team leader! And we're doing nothing?""You are doing nothing," Kopaka corrected him. "I am sorry about Jaller - believe me. But this is a matter for the Nuva.""Don't think I'm disagreeing about that, frosty," Lewa put in, "but couldn't it be equally a matter for the Mahri? One of ours is dead, and I'm not resting till I find his killer - poor payment for all the times Onua's saved me, but the best I can do." His voice shook. He steadied it. "But one of theirs has been hurt - badly. Another was used by the killer. They've got Jaller to avenge, as much as we do Onua."Kopaka shook his head. "I don't think this is just about Onua, brother."Everyone in this room saw the battle against Marendar - the one where Tahu died," he continued. "Did anyone else notice something strange? In Tahu's last moments - with the thing almost on top of him - he was petrified. He was as still as if I had frozen him. He saw the last blow coming - there's no doubt of that - and he did nothing. No Hau, nothing. Is that natural? Especially for Tahu, is that natural? He had his weaknesses" - Kopaka almost smiled for a moment - "but undue hesitation was not among them."Or Gali. I was not there, but - an avalanche? I have never truly believed my sister could have been killed by such a thing. I have heard she had ample time to escape, but that - again - she froze."She could have shielded herself with her Hau Nuva. Or batted the rocks aside with her Pakari Nuva - as she actually did, once in the past. Or escaped with her Kakama or even Miru. And she did nothing."Would not a similar hesitation," he continued quietly, "have been necessary to kill my brother of Earth? It is inconceivable that he could not have escaped the shot somehow, if he was not afflicted by a mental paralysis - and this is an enemy we already know to be endowed with mental powers."He stopped."You know," Lewa said slowly, "looking back, I think you're right. Onua wasn't this person's first victim."We've got our whole team to avenge."Lewa paused for a few moments. Then he straightened up. "Ever-sorry to be leaving, guys, but we'll be busy. See you later, probably. Tell Tamaru to take care of our Elites for me, Defilak. And Nuparu - next time you see Kongu, tell him that last week I beat his record fast-flight by three seconds - and I wasn't using any Kanohi." He paused, just long enough to go to Nuparu's bedside and clank fists with him."Don't worry," he said softly. "We'll pay him back for Jaller." He grinned again. "Tell Kongu that too, if you want.""Stop!" Turaga Onewa cried, getting to his feet."You know you cannot go. Two Toa cannot rush off on their own after a major threat just to settle a private score. This is too important for such treatment, and I am sure Chief Defilak agrees with me.""I do," stated the Chief of the Secret Service. "I'm sorry, but I won't allow you to leave this city."Lewa cocked an eyebrow at Kopaka questioningly. Kopaka gave him a brief nod, and a moment later, Lewa felt his signal - the familiar power of one of the Ice Toa's Kanohi Nuva, rushing through his body.He grinned at the old Turaga. "Sorry, Referee, but trust us - we'll be ever-fine," he said. "Oh - I'm afraid we'll need that too." He dashed forward, grabbed the gun from Nuparu's hand -And then there was nothing to be seen but a white and a green blur, which sped through the walls and disappeared. They left a silence in the hospital room, for there seemed nothing to say.The silence was broken, however - by Toa Nuparu, who looked strangely uneasy."I'm not sure they should have taken the revolver," he said, slowly.The Turaga looked at him as though he had been possessed again. "That's all you can find to worry about?""It's just... I think your probing might have started to bring my memories back," he said."And?""I think...right before things started going faint...I saw the gun. I think I saw it..."...flicker."

Chapter Four Kopaka's voice broke the short silence. "Get Lewa here. Now.""But, Kopaka," Jaller began, "Commander Lewa's out of the city. On an important mission-""Then send for him," Kopaka said tightly. "You have a Suletu, do you not?"He looked Jaller in the eye. "A Toa Nuva has been killed, and presumably more murders are planned. Lewa Nuva must be brought here as quickly as possible. Call him - now."Technically, Kopaka held no authority over Captain Jaller. He was perhaps the only Toa in the kingdom without any official position, having repeatedly refused any title other than his first - "Toa".Nevertheless, Jaller found himself obeying. It seemed all his millenia as a Toa and a commander had failed to erase his deep-seated awe of the Nuva.Or perhaps it was simply the ice in Kopaka's voice and eyes, as he stood over the body of his murdered brother.Concentrating, he summoned his Suletu. It had been a gift from Toa Krakua, when he had become a Turaga. Almost all Toa's extra Kanohi came from like sources.Lewa, he called. Commander Lewa of the Special Forces, this is Captain Jaller of the Royal Guard. Can you hear me?Almost immediately, he heard a familiar reply."Jaller!" Lewa answered - a lot older, a lot more experienced, and a little graver than he used to sound, but still with a laugh in his voice. "Good to thought-hear you, Captain. Something wrong in the city?"Jaller drew a deep breath. Should he tell him now?He decided that this news should be broken face to face. "I'm afraid so. I can't explain now, but... I have some bad news. You need to come back here immediately.""My squad's in the middle of their scout-sneak, Jaller," the Commander said warily. "Why do I have to leave them? Onua's orders?"Jaller glanced over his shoulder at the corpse behind him. He noticed Nuparu was now kneeling by it, in silent grief.It had hit him hard, Jaller realized - Onua had been "his" Toa, back in the island days. He must have been feeling the way Jaller did when Tahu fell...He pushed the memories away. "No," he replied to Lewa. The body on the ground would be doing no more ordering. "Kopaka's."There was a pause from Lewa. Jaller could sense his surprise, and fear - it was not Kopaka's habit to send summons for his brothers. If the Toa of Ice had bad news..."Trust me," Jaller told him. "It is urgent. Come as fast as you can - I'm sure your elites can take care of themselves."He broke contact before hearing Lewa's indignant reply, wondering why espionage seemed to be so much the property of air types. Not only did Lewa command the Special Forces, the North's most highly skilled scouts and fighters, but a Le-Matoran, Defilak, headed the Secret Service - although Nuparu helped on their engineering end, of course, when not busy with the "Mechanry".(An interesting side effect of this association, by the way, had been the establishment of certain treespeak terms as stealth-op slang. "Scout-sneak," for instance, was actually a specific kind of reconnaissance.)"He's coming," Jaller reported, switching back to his normal Arthron."Good," Kopaka said. "Nuparu," he added sharply.Nuparu looked up, startled from his mourning."Get back to analyzing that gun," the Toa of Ice ordered. "We need to know how that 'fireworks revolver' was able to kill a Toa Nuva.""Yes, sir," Nuparu said obediently. He left the room, taking the weapon with him."Excuse me," Jaller said hesitantly. "We... have a problem.""Really?" Kopaka said dryly. "Thank you for pointing that out, Jaller. I hadn't realized that a disturbed Toa-murderer in the city qualified as a problem.""Not that, sir," Jaller said evenly."Oh?""The Northern Hemisphere was originally ruled by King Tahu. Prime Minister Onua became the head of state after his death, as no new king could be found. Now the Prime Minister is dead as well." Jaller paused. "We have no leader now."We need a new king."I know you've refused before," he urged on, " but there's no one else left. You and Commander Lewa are the most experienced Toa I know of. You are qualified, and you have no other positions to tie you up. Why won't you take over?"Kopaka looked at him for a moment. Then he shook his head."My apologies, Jaller, but even if I agreed that I was a suitable choice, I'm afraid I have other plans at present." He turned away.Will they never understand? he wondered. I am not a ruler, or an administrator. I want no part of this kingdom the other Toa have built. I only ask to be left alone.But solitude, he knew, would be a luxury he could not afford in the coming days. For he had plans, as he had said. He had a task to accomplish."You'd better be getting back to your post, Captain," he suggested, coldly. "When Lewa arrives, send him-"He broke off, hearing familiar footsteps coming down the hall. Lewa appeared in the doorway."Used my Kakama," he said, tapping his mask. "What's the - oh!"He had seen the body."Onua!"

I'm only quoting the parts I have something to reply to here, in an effort to keep things straighter. I guess I'll start numbering my paragraphs...1.Not just four? Hmm...2.So there will be more Frustro. Might he be part of the Apocalypse Team? Or - considering the glitch - might Terror?3.What's Vorex, then? (Which reminds me - when I started reading Shadows, I originally thought Vorex was good and the Ta-Matoran bad. But the way they were protrayed eventually convinced me I'd just misinterpreted it. Then I read DM:PII, and I was like, "I was right the first time! The Ta-Matoran is as bad as I thought he was!")4.Of course, Vorex isn't looking so good right now. Strave said he was "beyond salvation," and I can see his point. (Though he could be wrong.) “I will flatten the mountains, I will dry the seas, and I will wipe all life from the face of this miserable planet!” Not in a good mood, is he?5.So I see.6.Glad to know I got the Incommodo stuff right. Not very glad to know he'll die - but I guess we've all got to go sometime...And there will be cheating. Always a good sign.7.(Well, that's good. )Moving on to the new chapter...8.As I said earlier, there do seem to be differences between the Mystix. To begin with, these guys don't want to conquer the world - always a nice difference to have.9.And hey, it's Aru! Haven't seen anything of her for a long time. Now we know what happened to her. (Incidentally, I like Inc's reaction to her guilt issues. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm the one who sent them to the bottom of the ocean." Gee, how tactful.)10.It's nice to meet Aclaraung. Kal Grochi's frequent demands for him mentions of him were making me curious. (And I see they are continuing. )11.And I was not expecting Marendar/the master of the Shadows to also be Vorex. As Arkrak would say - PLOT TWIST!12.Incidentally, you profile says you're a Doctor Who fan - do you watch the old series? Because there's a Fourth Doctor story arc about the "Key to Time," which is actually split into six pieces. Judging by the similarity (though I think it pretty much ends there), I'm guessing you haven't seen it.-Excelsior

Hey, I'm FINALLY posting in your review topic! Just like I said I would, except... much later. So much later, in fact, it's a different review topic.Sorry. Better late than never, I guess.Anyway, this is good. I have to admit, I found DM:PII a little frustrating. (I did enjoy it when Nikarra broke the mirror-like screen - WITH a mirror. Seriously, what is it with her and mirrors and breaking?) It seemed like it was mostly devoted to setting up more questions. (Actually, we probably learned a lot, but I think one tends to focus more on the gaps revealed by new knowledge than the new knowledge itself.)Now we seem to be getting those answers! It looks like this is going to be The Epic Where Everything Happens. Certainly a lot is happening.I'm very interested in this, and I like that Pirok and Proditor are back. And they've teamed up with Arkrak and Nikarra! These four will, I'm guessing, be trying to save the world (and possibly regather the TIme-Keepers, on Nikarra's part?).It seems we'll be seeing more of Frustro, if that "Incommodo saved my life" scene is meant to be expanded.I appreciated the Agori cameo. Haven't seen them for a while.Meanwhile, Reichenbach -who I actually have some sympathy for: you seem to be good at sympathetic villains - is being depressed in a cave somewhere;The League of Shades have a mysterious "glitch" (from their point of view) which is yet to be explained (the Shadows wouldn't have quite that affect, would they?);The Mystix just refuse to die and leave the story, apparently (not that I have a problem with that!);And Incommodo - well, a lot has happened, is happening, and will happen to Incommodo.First, if I've got the order right, Matoran Inc saw Other Inc (who is a strangely sane and serious person) for the first time. Then he lost his memory and lived as normal a life as he's capable of living for a while, eventually becoming a Toa.Then the events of Shadows and DM:PI took place. At the end of those, after the waterfall incident, he relived the events of DM:PII in a flashback. At the end, he saw Other Inc again, making that the second time.Right now, he's having some serious character development, actually showing some strong emotions. Apparently saving the world is more than a fun pastime for him.Later, the new and darker Inc will be shot. And killed. I really hope he comes back.Also, someone who seems to be Inc from the future, or may actually be from an alternate universe (or something I haven't thought of) will somehow travel back in time to talk to his past self. And then he will ALSO apparently die, just by fire, this time.Anyway, with regards to what'scurrently happening, I like Inc's new depth. And - as I said earlier - I really hope he doesn't die permanently.I hope I comment here again. I'll try. (My reviews are this long partly just because I like talking about stories - or talking, period - but also because I'm trying to cover a whole epic in one post.) But I will definitely be continuing to read, whether you see me here or not. I like the characters, it's fun to read, and the plot so far seems good. Keep it up!(By the way, do I have a lot of parentheses in this post, or is it just me? )-Excelsior

Name: ExcelsiorWriting Sample:His music sang on, of hope in the darkness, of love for one's comrades, of honor and loyalty and selfless sacrifice. It sang of all that was best and purest in life.It was a Song of Light, and the creature of the darkness could not withstand it.The Song ceased. "I am sorry," Krakua said quietly to the fallen Rahkshi. "Sorry that the Music brought you pain. Surely if there had been any good in you, it would have been strengthened, not destroyed."-Excelsior

First off, I really should have responded to these comments before. Like, a while before. Sorry. I have no excuse other than laziness.Anyway, thanks for commenting! Thank you!Well, I didn't think it was that good, but thanks again. Despair is the sincerest form of flattery, right? :PUh...which one? I also noted some typos involving missing spaces between words, but they didn't get in the way of reading, and sadly you can't edit until the contest is over.That's all, and good luck on the contest!Thank you.Two people have already explained the "Who's on First" routine, so my two cents probably isn't needed. If you want more information, though, it actually has its own Wikipedia page, with a link to Abbott and Costello performing it.Yeah, after I read that, I went back and saw those. This whole thing was pretty last-minute, and now I'm seeing multiple parts I'd have rewritten. I would also have given it a more fitting title if I'd known I had the time. Oh well. "Ga-Koro Mobs" does get your attention, I guess.Thanks again! Thanks!Again, I really appreciate the comments (even if half of them are explanations of "Who's on First" ) and I'm sorry I didn't answer them sooner.-Excelsior

Story: Ga-Koro MobsMember Name: ExcelsiorBased on: Chapter 2 of MNOLG III hope it's okay that it's a few minutes past the deadline.-Excelsior

"Matoran of Ga-Koro!" Nokama proclaimed. "I have returned with great news. The Turaga of Mata Nui have been in conference in Kini-Nui, pondering the Great Thoughts. As a result, we have decided we should - PLAY KOLHII!"There was an awkward pause."What? You have something against kolhii or something?" Nokama asked defensively."Well, no offense, Turaga," Kotu said, "but - seriously, your "Great Thoughts" are about...sports?"Nokama sighed. "I know, I know. It seems kolhii is the only thing that can hold Onewa's attention for more than two minutes. And the rest of us didn't really have a problem with it, so...looks like you're stuck with a kolhii tournament."Macku raised her hand. "Turaga?""No, you still can't go to Po-Koro," Nokama answered wearily. "And can't you find anything else to do than hang around Hewkii all the time?""Actually, my question had nothing to do with Po-Koro.""Really?" Nokama said, surprised. "Huh. That's a first." Several other Ga-Matoran nodded in agreement. "In that case, what was your question?""Well, does Turaga Nuju actually like kolhii? It just seems a bit too frivolous for Ko-Koro. I mean, aren't they supposed to be the zen masters who just sit around spouting cryptic prophecies all day?"Nokama nodded. "I understand your confusion. Oddly enough, they actually have a pretty good team. Turaga Nuju expressed himself as strongly in favor of the Tournament - I think...""What's wrong, Turaga?" asked Kotu helpfully."Nothing. It's just that I suddenly realized Nuju's translator is also an ardent kolhii player...""Speaking of teams," said Okoth, who was bored, and wanted the plot to speed up a little, "shouldn't you be telling us who's on ours?""Who is on first," said another Ga-Matoran helpfully. Everyone turned and stared at her. Embarrassed by her bad joke, she jumped into the ocean and swam away, all the way to Voya Nui."Anyway," Nokamacontinued, "Iwill now announce our players. As everyone expected, Macku will be our goalie, and as absolutely no one expected, Hahli will be our forward. Sorry, Kotu, but that's the way it goes."The lily pad erupted into chaos. Several Ga-Matoran fainted. Most of the others began booing Hahli, who slunk away in shame. (She would have fled Mata Nui forever, but then she might be stuck with the Matoran who made "Who's on first" jokes.) Kotu was weeping hysterically on Macku's shoulder.Macku had a dazed look on her face. "I'm...I'm playing kolhii? All over the island?" She paused. "I'LL GET TO PLAY WITH HEWKII! YAY! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED!"Nokama sighed. "Maybe I should have left her out instead," she muttered. "Then again, Kotu is slightly more mature that her, so she'll probably quit crying sooner. And at least it gets her out of the village..." The elder walked slowly off to her lily-pad.Hahli followed her, hoping to avoid the mob of angry villagers. After all, the ordinary Matoran avoided listening to Turaga rambles as much as possible.She entered the hut, which was bigger than anyone else's, and had a giant pink flower at the end. Village leaders can get that kind of perk."Hello Hahli," Nokama said.Hahli figured she should probably keep the conversation going somehow. "Why did you choose me?" she asked. Now she came to think of it, that was a good question. It had seemed a little strange, at the time."I looked in the waters for answers," Nokama said, "and to my surprise the face in the waters was yours.""Uh, riiight," Hahli said. 'Cause that totally makes sense. "So, how long have you been managing Ga-Koro by random images you happen to see?"Nokama shrugged. "Well, it's always worked for Vakama...sort of. You should probably go train and stuff, right?"Hahli turned to leave, not bothering to say goodbye. In her experience, people generally got the message anyway.As she turned to leave, she notced a shiny gold key on the floor.She picked it up. Whatever it unlocked, she was sure it wasn't worth bothering Nokama about. It looked interesting... She put it in her pouch, along with her hatchet, sickle, fifty-seven cowrie shells, and twenty-nine seeweed."Just a minute," Gali said, popping out of a pool in the floor."Uh, Toa Gali!" Hahli exclaimed. "I...uh...didn't just take anything from the floor! Not at all! And even if I had, it was just lying around loose, anyway, it's not like anyone wanted it...and anyway, I didn't!""That's good, I guess," Gali said, looking at her with a slightly puzzled expression. "But what I wanted to ask was, did I hear Nokama say something about faces in the waters?""Indeed," Nokama said solemnly. "Last night, I was meditating on the beach. I looked into the water and I saw a face. I knew that it was the face of the one destined to play in the kolhii matches, and-""Actually," Gali interrupted, "it was just me. I'd gone for a swim, and I happened to come up right there. You just got up and left before I surfaced.""Oh," Nokama said. She pondered this new development. "Well, this is awkward...""How could you possibly have thought Toa Gali was me?" Hahli broke in. "This is absurd!""Um, you both have Haus...""She has a Hau Nuva! It looks completely different from mine!" Hahli exclaimed."Um...excuse me?" Gali interrupted. "They're Kaukaus. The Hau belongs to Tahu...you know, the big red guy?"Aside from that, though," she added, "I agree with Hahli."Nokama and Hahli were both too embarrassed to speak for a few moments. Nokama recovered first, as her error was slightly more excusable that Hahli's - after all, at least she hadn't forgotten the name of her own mask."Your eyes are both yellow, too," she offered.Hahli facepalmed."Every - single - Matoran - in Ga-Koro - has yellow eyes," she said slowly.There was a silence. It was broken by Hahli."Well, that's just great," she said. "Our best kolhii player has been replaced by someone who doesn't even know the rules, because of some stupid vision that wasn't actually a vision. And now everyone hates me for replacing Kotu.""Do not worry, Hahli," Nokama said wisely. "Destiny works in strange ways. It may be your destiny to lead your team to victory."Hahli shrugged, but felt slightly encouraged.Of course," Nokama added, "if you lose, Ga-Koro will probably lynch you.""No pressure..." Hahli muttered sarcastically, leaving the hut.

First, thanks a lot for the review!Yeah, I was thinking about the different masks that could qualify as "Masks of Vision." I didn't know whether to do a story about an Akaku, or a Mask of Clairvoyance, or a Mask of Psychometry... so I decided to do one about all of them! So then I assembled a whole team of vision-related Toa. Interesting. At the time, I saw the conversation I wrote as either necessary to the plot or just sounding natural - what a group of Toa would have been saying in that situation. And I guess Tiro did do more of the talking, beyond his mask use, if that's what you mean - as he was the first to appear, I think I subconsciously thought of him as a more "main" character than the others.Looking back, I see trimming it, and only keeping any one character in view for as long as they're using their "vision," would make it thematically stronger. I was making it up as I went along, which probably explains it. If I was going to redo it, with the emphasis still on the Vision theme, I would start from a plot summary, and then probably flesh it out as little as possible.Something like this: Toa team saves mountain village with vision powers. Toa #1 warns of it with Clarvoyance, Toa #2 finds it with Akaku, Toa #3 identifies it with Psychometry, Toa #4 fights it off with Mahiki. All four kinds of vision were necessary to save the day.That - specifically the last sentence - was what I was trying to do, anyway, although I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with the Mahiki part. Like I said above, I'm not actually sure how good the ending was. It was a pretty last-minute solution. I'd gotten them into the situation, and then I had to get them out of it - and in a vision-related way!So I decided that I'd go with "scared them off with Illusions," and tried to make it make sense. That's why I threw in elemental walls, though I don't know now if they were necessary. But due to space (as you say), and time, constrictions, I had to make it work in a couple sentences. Otherwise, it might have been better to have another short scene, describing the illusions and so on from the raiders' point of view.Of course, I could have elaborated when I posted it here, since the constraints of the contest were removed, but I didn't see any of these things then. I might not have anyway - I'm almost certainly not now, even though I see it might be improved by a re-write. I think most stories get to a point where you just aren't interested enough to re-work them. (Especially if you wrote it in two days, specifically to enter a contest.)Probably won't come to anything, since I seem to need a spur of some sort to write, but I am wondering if there's any more story material in the Ekara... I would give them at least a cameo, if I wrote more fanfics with non-canon characters. Thank you. :)In fact, thanks for the whole thing - the criticisms, the compliments, and for taking the trouble of reviewing in the first place!-Excelsior

I voted for 5.I also liked 1. It was a creative take on the theme, and I liked the premise. As I said in its first poll (where I did vote for it), interspersing the censored "Lhii" version with Neir's half-recovered memories of the genuine event was really a cool idea.But 5 had Tahu (the real lava surfing champion), pretty accurately portrayed. And it showed Vakama's lies having serious consequences for once, which was nice (not that he seems to have learned much from it). It would fit well in Tales of the Masks.So yeah, 1 and 5 were my favorites, but I preferred 5 in the end.-Excelsior

I voted for 1.-Excelsior

I voted for 2.-Excelsior

Hey! All my competition is good? How is that fair?Anyway, I voted for 2. I did like them all, though. 3 was an intriguing story - similar to 2, actually, and I had a hard time choosing between them. 4 was cool, though puzzling. Here the MU inhabitants aren't sentient... or wait, now they somehow are? 5, of course, was pure Vezon craziness (and yes, that is a compliment).May the best story win!-Excelsior

Hard choice between 1 and 2. In the end, I went with 1.-Excelsior

I voted for 3. I didn't vote for it in its last poll, because I didn't think it fit the theme well enough, but I changed my mind. And, of course, the writing is definitely good.-Excelsior

Okay. I would like to start off by saying that, despite never having posted in your review topic before, I have read Shadows, Whispers, Aftershock, Dark Mirror: Part I, all there is of Dark MIrror: Part II...AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON.Undead skeletons in the walls, disappearing doors, hidden cameras, and also the crying Matoran, who seems to be in a different category than the other creatures. Those are the things I have NO explanation for.Then there are the things I feel like I should have an explanation for, which are more frustrating.I'm guessing those pieces of paper in Reichenbach's room were left by his future self, maybe? I don't think any of them have really explored their powers yet.The scrawls in Nikarra's room - well, I feel like they could have been left by him too, but I have no real reason for that. Then there's the piece of paper in Inc's closet and the mysterious volume about Sanarax, which just happened to have a dictionary next to it.And then there's the room with the mirror in it. I can't believe it took me till just now to think of this, but - was that the Dark Mirror? Or is there some giant, obvious hole in that theory?Well, I think that's all about the plot mysteries. Now let's look at the characters. I've seen other people talking about your BZPRPG characters, which makes me feel even more lost, since I have absolutely no acquaintance with the BZPRPG. Oh well. Probably won't affect my ideas too much.The Ta-Matoran seems to be surprisingly easy to manipulate, for someone who can see all of space and time. (He's also totally a monster, of course.) Then again......when I think about it, the De-Matoran has done surprisingly little I could pin down as definitely manipulative. If I didn't know he was a villain, I could believe he had good motives for all this stuff. Is he, maybe, not a villain yet? Or am I way overthinking this?Vorex is pretty much what he was in Whispers. Ko-Matoran unfortunate enough to hear voices, later turned into a monster by no fault of his own. Really have to feel sorry for him.Nikarra - pretty straightforward right now, seems like. Later, will stare into a mirror all day, waiting until she breaks it. Hey, everybody's gotta have a hobby.Strave - currently a criminal Le-Matoran with an accent who hangs out in the library a lot. Later, I'm guessing he's the Turaga who's appeared twice to talk to Inc. Unless he's Proditor, but that seems improbable. See, this is where it would help to know your BZPRPG stuff.Incommodo - the only character I know well enough to trust. That's refreshing, after all the other strangers here. He seems to be his usual self, though less experienced. I'm still wondering about the implications of his not having heard the Whispers before...So the Time Keepers are, to sum up, currently being interfered with in various ways by: Reichenbach and the Ta-Matoran, probably; the creatures in the walls and the crying Matoran; the being with the cameras; whoever left those those writings around; and whoever keeps making those doors appear and disappear, and who is possibly the cameraman.Of course, maybe the whole thing is orchestrated by him, and it's nothing more than a giant "Candid Camera" reality show stunt. "So, here's the plan: we take six random Matoran, lock them in a freaky tower together, tell them they have cool powers, mutate them a little for effect, booby-trap the walls, and see what happens!"I think that's the end of my extremely rambling review.Except, oh yeah - isn't assigning someone a character type tag like "villain" (or, say, "designated love interest") more Arkrak's thing than Inc's? Maybe he changed after that "Amnesia" Reichenbach so casually referenced in Part I. Random observation, just thought I'd mention it.Anyway, I like all your work I've read (even if it is baffling right now), and I'm definitely going to keep reading. After this, my reviews (if I also keep reviewing, which I'll try to) will be more specific, now I've gotten my general thoughts out of the way.-Excelsior

I voted for 2. Crazy magic-mirror battles FTW.-Excelsior

I voted for 5.The last voting I'll be doing for this until the finals, I guess. Well, it's definitely been a good contest.-Excelsior

I voted for 1.-Excelsior

I voted for 1.-Excelsior

I voted for 3. 5 was funny, but the humor got too dark for me towards the end.-Excelsior

Tough poll, but in the end, I voted for 2.May the best story win!-Excelsior

I voted for 4.I guess I'm the only one who did fantasy. Personally, I saw the tattoo description and immediately thought, "Heraldic crest!"Anyway, may the best story win!-Excelsior

I voted for 4.May the best story win!-Excelsior

Tough choice between 2 and 3, but I went with 2.-Excelsior