Excelsior

I voted for #4. May the best story win! -Excelsior

Sorry this is so late. Member Name: Excelsior Theme: Character Story Words: 749 Story: My Teacher Mistress Alethea is dead. My teacher is dead.I don't know how old I was the day I first met her, though I know I was very young. I remember it was a very wet day, and that I had a particular need for another blood orange. That meant stealing it at the marketplace.I was edging away from the orange vendor's stall, clutching my prize, when I felt two hands grasp my shoulders. I tried to wrench away, but she held on and turned me to face her."Give me that orange, little girl." Her voice was firm, but not ungentle. She had a thoughtful, intelligent face. Not that I cared then. "I won't!" I hissed, struggling wildly. "I need it!"She frowned, obviously seeing my sincerity. "Shall we make a deal, then, child? I will buy it and give the fruit to you. I am content with the peel.""But the rind is the part I want!" I protested. "It's the best shade there is for my experiments."Her face changed. "Do you mean to tell me you conduct color-based alchemical experiments? You're a street child, and you can't be more than six."What is your name?""Blood Orange," I said warily, "because I use so many of them."I didn't trust her, but she was the first person I had ever spoken to who showed knowledge of alchemy. And I craved knowledge."What's yours?"She smiled. "Alchemical Mistress Alethea Hartwin." Next day, I became her apprentice.---Some days after, she called me to her side. "Orange?" "Yes, teacher?" I loved having a qualified instructor, even if not all her time was spent teaching me. She had explained my first day that she spent time in a private workshop - off-limits to me - engaged in dangerous experiments.She smiled slightly at my promptness. "I think you ought to have a real name, child. Do you agree?""Yes!""I was thinking Kathy, perhaps. Katherine's a good name.""I like that, teacher."She laughed. "Very well...Kathy."---Over four years after that, we had multiple orders from customers, as well as Mistress Alethea's private research. The orders weren't nearly as interesting, being standard alchemy, but they were time-consuming. I decided to do one myself.Some hours later, I had succeeded. I called my teacher and showed my results to her. Her eyebrows rose at my work "Kathy...I believe you're a genius."---Exactly eight years after I had become Mistress Alethea's apprentice, I had a question to ask her."Good morning, Mistress Alethea." "Good morning, Kathy." She smiled. "What would you like to do today?" It was traditional on this anniversary that I could ask for whatever I wanted.I inhaled deeply. "Mistress...may I see your secret project? "Please, teacher ! I'm fourteen-ish now, old enough to be a full apprentice. And you know I've helped with all the parts you've let me see. I'm intelligent enough to help, teacher."She sighed. "Katherine, do you have any idea what this 'project' is?" "Yes, teacher. I've helped you enough to put together some pieces. It's...some sort of Stone, isn't it?" She looked taken aback. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Yes, it is a Stone."It has taken generations to bring it this far, and it's still incomplete. When it's finished, it will have unimaginable powers. Even now, it's extremely dangerous." She met my eyes."And extremely dangerous to be associated with." "If you were willing, teacher, then I am too." She smiled proudly. "Good girl."--- Some months after that day, we were both in the private workplace. It was the most fascinating work I had ever done. When I had seen the Stone for the first time, it was a jagged lump of varicolored minerals, but I could see the outlines of its potential. "Teacher, look!" I called to her. "I've bypassed the limitations of the quartz that you were worrying about." "Well done, child."--- Over twelve years after I met Mistress Alethea, we were eating dinner when we heard a commotion in the street. We looked out the window and saw a group of soldiers marching toward our house. "Kathy," she said, "I heard a rumor in the marketplace that makes me fear the worst. This is what I want you to do. "Go into the workroom, take the Stone, and put it around your neck. Don't come in here again unless I tell you to, and if things look bad, go out the trapdoor exit and get away."--- One day after they killed my teacher, I write this in a deserted alley. The Stone is in its pouch around my neck, where I shall keep it always. I am Katherine Blood Orange, and my teacher Alethea Hartwin's death shall not be vain.

#3 and #4 were my favorites, but I ended up voting for #4. May the best story win! -Excelsior

I voted for #5. May the best story win! -Excelsior

Tough choice between #4 and #5, but I had to go with #5. May the best story win! -Excelsior

Member Name: Excelsior Theme: The Chronicler Word Count: 750 Story: Letter From an Old Friend Takua, If you're reading this then I'm either dead, or declared dead. I don't see myself dying or disappearing from Metru Nui anytime soon, but then again, being Chronicler isn't exactly low-risk,and there are a few things I should see to. This is one of them. So, first of all, I just want to say you're a good friend. (Yes, it's cliched. Give the dead guy a break, all right?) True, you annoyed me the first time we met. I believe your exact words to me were, "Your job is to wander all over the island and be given a front-row seat to anything exciting? How did you find an excuse to slack off regular work for this?" I did not approve of the fact that you saw my dangerous and laborious position as "an excuse to slack off" and not “regular work.” But after maybe the third time I ran into you around the city (since we are both wanderers attracted to excitement like lava eels to heat) I realized you didn't mean to be offensive. You just honestly didn't understand why I should get a free pass to do all the things you were forcibly restrained for doing. (Nor have you ever accepted the obvious differences.) But we could hardly help being acquaintances, since (as noted above) we tend to wind up in the same places. (Jaller behind you, of course. You are undeservedly lucky to have a best friend who will try that hard to stop you from being an idiot.) And, of course, you're the prime witness to (if not cause of) over half the noteworthy things I do miss, meaning I have to interview you about them. And then you started criticizing my writing style, which meant that you had to try it yourself, so Jaller and I could laugh at you instead. Still, though, you absolutely refuse to admit my job as Chronicler involves any effort or unpleasantness, or, in fact, that it qualifies as a "job" at all. This leads me to the second thing I need to say: If you think it's so easy, do it yourself. No, really. I'm naming you as my choice for the next Chronicler.... Having paused to allow you to recover from your shock, I will now explain my reasoning. (Consider this a rehearsal for the recommendation letter I have to write Turaga Dume.)Yes, you're reckless, but a certain amount of recklessness is necessary in a Chronicler. Yes, everyone says you're irresponsible, but they're judging that by how well you do at a job you are emphatically not suited for. (If you fall behind in any of your Chronicler duties even once, I will take that as your concession that it is at least as valid a job as mask-making or anything else.) And yes, you can be an impetuous, thoughtless, trouble-seeking idiot, to a degree not beneficial in anyone but... but... ...well, nobody's perfect, are they? And I think your various assets outweigh this defect. What do I consider assets, you ask? You love travel and excitement of all kinds, even more than I do. (Yes, I enjoy it. That doesn't mean it's not a real job, it's just work I like - oxymoronic as I know that seems to you.) You're definitely not a coward. Though you have a pretty realistic worldview, you still believe in heroes and heroism. I'm not having some cynic like Onewa stealing my job. And, though I hate to admit it, you're really not a half-bad writer. So there you have it. In the highly hypothetical event of my death or extended disappearance you will become Chronicler. If you can't, I'd probably accept Kopeke from Ko-Metru (though I'm not going to explain that here too) but you're my first choice. Your friend, Kodan the Chronicler Toa Takanuva stared at the letter before him, uncertain whether to laugh or to cry. When he and Hahli Mahri had been sent to search their fellow Chronicler's former home for important writings, he had not expected to find a letter from along-lost and now unknown friend. Nor had he expected the discovery that he had been recommended for the position of Chronicler, a thousand years and a universe away from his appointment. He wondered if the formal recommendation was nearby, but did not search for it. Instead he called to his fellow Toa. "Hey, Hahli. You know how the Turaga are trying to choose a new Chronicler - do you know Kopeke?"

I voted for #7. May the best story win! -Excelsior

I voted for #6. May the best story win! -Excelsior

I voted for #6. May the best story win! -Excelsior

I voted for 4. -Excelsior

It was a close choice between 3 and 6, but I went with 3. 2 and 7 were good too. 4 was well-written, but much too dark for me. May the best story win! -Excelsior

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: BonesWord Count: 603Name: Dust to Dust "Alan, I think I've discovered an ancient mass grave." Alan looked up from his book. His younger sister was standing before him, wearing a slightly disturbed expression and a bathing suit. "Really," he said. "So where was this? In our backyard? Or in the swimming pool parking lot?" Cecily rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, Alan. I was coming home by the bike trails, and I saw something white from the corner of my eye." Her voice dropped. "It was a finger poking out of the ground. "So I went closer, and I saw more white sticking out, here and there. It looked like - well, like a big pile of bones covered by a thin layer of dirt and lots of plants." Alan looked at her skeptically. "Really?" "Really." He swung his legs off the sofa and sat up, tossing his book down. "All right. Where is this, exactly?"--- Approximately fifteen minutes later, Alan was kneeling on the ground, examining the protruding finger. "Well, it's not as though I'm an expert on bones," he said, "but I'd say this is the genuine article." He frowned. "The question is, what are they doing here?" "Some sort of historical massacre, right? Or maybe a pre-pioneer tomb from an Indian civilization?" "But it isn't, Cessy," her brother responded. "Look at the dirt - it's freshly disturbed. And the plants-" he moved a few steps and pulled on a creeping vine. It came out of the ground at his first tug "-look, they're barely planted at all. Someone put them here just to cover up the fresh digging." "But that doesn't make sense!" Cecily protested. "I mean, I'm convinced, but why would someone be burying skeletons in the woods? Where would anyone get all these bones?" "I can tell you that," a new voice said. Alan and Cecily whipped around to face the edge of the clearing. A tall man wearing glasses stood there, smiling. He was wearing working clothes, and had one hand casually in his pocket; the other balanced a shovel on his shoulder. Alan glanced at his sister, and moved closer to her. "Did you bury them?" "Yes, I did. "I only buried them yesterday, actually. I knew it was a shoddy job - especially with that heavyrain last night - but I thought it was an acceptable risk for one day, until I could finish it properly." He frowned at them. "Apparently you defied the odds." "But...where did you get them? She was right; people don't normally need to hide bones. Bodies, yes, but by the time they're skeletons, bodies have usually been dead for quite a while." Alan really had no idea what to do. His thoughts were mostly What the heck is happening? and How do we get away? Until he came up with an answer to at least the second question, he figured heshould keep stalling. Besides, he was curious. "The key word there is 'usually'," the man replied. "To give you the short answer, I obtained the skeletons in the process of my experiments. I've been experimenting on ways to alter the aging rate of the human body." Alan's eyes widened and he heard Cecily inhale. Seriously? "Why?" "Why do you think?" the man replied impatiently. "Immortality, of course. "I haven't perfected it yet, but-" his eyes narrowed "-it's quite capable of having the reverse effect on you." His hand began to lift out of his pocket. So much for stalling. "RUN, CESS!" Alan cried. He threw himself at the man, trying to buy his sister time. He was bare bones before he could see if he'd succeeded.

Member Name: ExcelsiorTheme: Dark HuntWord count: 486Story: Blind Hostilities "Ow!" Nidhiki yelled, stumbling forward and colliding with the wall. For perhaps the three-hundredth time so far in his Dark Hunter career, he began cursing his imbecilic partner. (Obviously, this was still rather early in said career.)He also, for perhaps the hundred and fiftieth time, cursed the power of Roodaka's mutation spinner. The ability to crawl across walls and ceilings was all very well, but when trying to navigate a Makuta-black room he much preferred having two legs. And actual hands. Hissing imprecations under his breath, he had resumed his clumsy search, when suddenly a voice spoke from behind him. It was Subterranean, the third Hunter on this mission. "What's the matter now, Nidhiki?" he said wearily. "I've been hearing you cursing and tripping over yourself for over twenty minutes." The arachnid could hear him smirk. "And while your opinion of Krekka's intelligence is probably accurate, I don't think the Shadowed One will be happy if you actually rip him to shreds - or do any of the other things you've been muttering about." "Oh, be quiet, Subterranean," the ex-toa snapped. "Don't you have better things to do than eavesdrop on people three rooms away?" "Farther, actually. I was on sentry duty outside until a minute ago - watching out for any natives that might come by and discover our little hideout. And it's hardly eavesdropping if I can't help hearing you." The mutant's super-hearing was one of his greatest strengths, and also the reason he had been sent on this mission. Their target was guarded by a village of De-Matoran, some of the most naturally stealthy beings in the universe. "But you haven't answered my question. What's Krekka done this time?" Nidhiki's anger intensified at the mention of his partner. "Oh, nothing," he spat sarcastically. "That buffoon has apparently interpreted the instructions to 'show no light' as 'break all the lightstones,' that's all! So now I'm stuck looking for the mission instructions, in complete darkness!" Subterranean burst out laughing. "Really, Nidhiki? That's all? Honestly...if you can't handle a task like that, you shouldn't have become a Dark Hunter." He paused. "Not that you had a choice, of course - 'Toa' Nidhiki." Nidhiki stiffened. "I had more than you did," he shot back. "I heard you were run out of Metru Nui because of your looks. At least there's one good thing about this situation - I don't have to see you right now." "As if you're one to talk. Aren't you the one the Shadowed One mutated to ensure you'd be too monstrous to leave?" "Maybe, but it was you who gave him the idea." Subterranean seemed to have no answer to that. Nidhiki grinned triumphantly before continuing. "Now if you're not going to make yourself useful, you can leave. I have to deal with the mess created by my moron of a partner. Again." Subterranean silently obeyed, leaving Nidhiki to his dark hunt.

I voted for Tahu. I was doubtful at first, because I'm sure I do have some pro-Nuva bias, and when you first try to think about Tahu as a leader, you can't help but think of all his mistakes in 2001-03. And though it's true his team is in better shape than anyone else's, I don't think that means he's automatically the best. Sometimes that says more about the ability of the team as a whole to survive, and the circumstances they faced (for instance, it's not Jaller's fault Matoro was destined to use the Ignika, but he lost a Toa Mahri by it all the same).But I still think he's the best, on the whole. Although he did have problems in his early days, (short temper, recklessness, a flawed understanding of a leader's role), I think he does have a lot of objectively good leadership qualities. Among them:1) He's utterly devoted to his duty, and would readily lay down his life to protect any Matoran or Turaga.2) He actually seems to be a natural leader - in most situations, he takes, and is given, charge automatically (even among his team, I don't remember any suggestions that someone else lead - just refusals to follow a leader together at all). When, in any assemblage, did Tahu not take command and/or speak for his faction? Jaller and Vakama (especially Jaller) just do it because somebody has to, and it's expected of them. Tahu has a natural aptitude for it.3) Last, he will never, ever give up. No matter what the odds say, he almost never gives up hope of victory - and even if he does, he still keeps fighting. "In Kopaka's eyes, that made him a fool - but it also, he had to admit, somehow made him a great leader of Toa." -Shadows in the SkyI typed out a long analysis to make up my mind - that was just Tahu's section - but here's the condensed version of my thoughts on the others:I like Lhikan as an individual, but two members of his team turned evil, which is a thing I do hold him partly responsible for; Norik's cool, but we don't know enough about him; Vakama - well, Vakama may qualify as the worst Toa leader; Jaller's team got along well, but I think that says much more about them than him - he was actually sort of immature; and I don't believe anyone as emo as Lesovikk is now could ever have been a great leader.So I do think Tahu is the greatest Toa leader, as well as my favorite one.-Excelsior

I was pretty happy with the deaths you chose, Zaxvo. I'd given it some thought myself, but all I'd decided was that I wanted Gali dead, which you did. (Not really a big fan of hers.) Personally, I think Lewa and Kopaka would get along better than they used to, though they're definitely opposite types. (Hey, you want REAL conflict? Have Kopaka and Tahu the only ones left. Those two would probably fight to the point of blaming each other for their siblings' deaths. Random thought.)Pohatu was put through a lot, wasn't he? I had basically the same plan for him as xccj, though I never got time to implement it. I'm trying to use spoiler tags for unused ideas and (on the off chance we've picked up a reader or two, who is looking at this) suggestions for the future.So yeah, that was what I was planning, but I'm glad I didn't get a chance. xccj's way was so much better. In fact, I think that's my favorite chapter in the epic. It was just a really cool idea, and so in character for Kopaka, I thought. If Pohatu ever went M.I.A., that is what he would do.(Incidentally, that would explain why I undid Zaxvo's thing from the next chapter. )I really don't understand the Vahi thing either, though the gold part does work, since they said it was "discolored." But why, and how, was the Vahi turned into a murderous gun with powers of possession? Emissary? Explanation?Sorry I frustrated you with the Lewa/Not-Brutaka fight, Zaxvo. I thought it was more in the spirit of the story for Lewa (and, in a way, Pohatu) to have to sacrifice themselves to bring the killer down. But I'm glad you liked the death. When it comes to death scenes, the Nuva deserve the best!In my head, the gun and Not-Brutaka shared the freeze power. My idea for Not-Brutaka was that the Order had accidentally created a new consciousness in Brutaka's body. It was meant to absorb knowledge from Mata Nui, but (as is so often the way with these experiments) it surpassed its purpose. It was gifted with various mental powers and the ability to "assimilate" other minds, particularly if he takes their bodies as well.He (somehow) created the fireworks revolver, and it is (somehow) linked to him, which is why they possess some of the same powers.And about his being dead or not: Those were my ideas. I tried to leave the fireworks revolver open, because I figured Emissary already had an explanation.I was going for possession from the start, too. The krana type of possession could have been good (actually, I guess the gun was a variant of that). As I said, the gun being possessed was inspired by Zaxvo's second chapter, though I don't remember exactly how. I remember putting all the "clues" about the murderer in one document (which I still have) and working from there. I actually had to type out notes before writing almost every chapter, just to get my ideas straight.I think that's the sign of a good story.Onua being killed was somewhat unrealistic (as Zaxvo and I had the characters say), but that made it more onteresting, because then we found an interesting explanation for it. And I like this story better than I would have if Onua had lived.Kopaka is the king of incapacitating people quickly. Also, he knows there's a body-possessing murderer out there who wants him dead. This is not a situation where you want to seem suspicious to him. At all.By the way, we still need to figure out some of the logistics of the gun's powers. As they mention, the Nuva had it in their hands for some time without obvious ill effect.Here's some ideas I had in early stages for the gun: Yeah, Brutaka did come out of left field. (Baseball stadium, Somewhere in America. Announcer: Someone's just run out onto left field! He's...um...he's very tall...and he looks heavily armored - wait! Some sort of portal is opening in front of him! He's going through! He's...through! Okay, emergency over, I guess... Spherus Magnan desert. Brutaka steps through portal. Brutaka: That was a wierd dimension...)Okay, he didn't literally come out of left field. But he could have.I think you explained him pretty well, anyway. The sudden emergence in the story of a Bohrok theme was also unexpected. Maybe we could work something in later, about his absorbance of information accidentally taking too much from the "camoflage system"? That would explain the quotes, and the use of the swarms.Yeah, the war might need resolving. It could be good material - we were just too busy for it.I want to continue the story, anyway. There's still cool stuff we haven't done here. Actually, And, yeah, xccj - it did get steered away from the Mahri pretty quickly. On my part, it was partly because this was the murder of a Nuva. His brothers should be the ones to handle it. But partly it was because the Nuva are just my favorite characters. I like them significantly more than any other canon team.One other thing - what did you think of my ending? At first, the last lines were about the gun, because I was trying to prompt Emissary to explain it in his next chapter. Then I realized he almost certainly wouldn't have time, so I tried to make it more ending-like. I was going for one of those "The war's still on, but this battle's over" kind of endings. Yes, there are still problems to be faced and battles to be fought, but we've reached a short lull between one fight and the next, a place to stop and take stock of what we've got.That was my intention. What did you think?Also - any other name suggestions? I suggested "Obstacles" in the LSO topic - don't know if anyone saw my post. Just throwing the suggestion out there - others are welcome. I also responded to xccj's suggestions there.But we do have a team name, and it's officially in our epic title (though not, interestingly, in that of our review topic). That's good.-Excelsior Extempore

Writing this was fun, and overall, I'm pretty happy with the story.Speaking as the person who came after you, Zaxvo, your chapters could occasionally be a challenge, but I managed to cope. Actually, they helped me develop new ideas. Your second chapter, for instance, was what gave me the idea of the gun being possessed. And I liked that you made Pohatu "go missing" when the rest were dead.(Speaking of which, was the ENTIRE TEAM planning to bring back Pohatu? Zaxvo established his death as ambiguous. I was certainly planning his return as soon as I read that. And xccj established him as alive. Great minds think alike, I guess.) Hey, I still don't know exactly what I was talking about. And yeah, I didn't really like the prompt either (though it was better than the line Team Three got - good luck incorporating a baby mouse into your story).But Emissary managed to work it in surprisingly seamlessly. And it did turn into a good setting. I've heard a couple people say they prefer stories set somewhere in existing canon than just in the future (the Kodan and Time Slip entries, for instance). I agree that takes more ingenuity to write, and, since it fills existing holes in canon, may seem more fun to read - but where in Bionicle are you going to find a Prime Minister? Besides, though as a type I may prefer the other kind of fanfic, this particular story I liked for itself.So yeah, Emissary got the ball rolling nicely with his first chapter, even if it was unclear exactly what kind of ball it was at that point. Really, it seems like that could have gone a lot of different ways. Also, I liked how Onua was immediately suspicious of the "Do you trust me?" line.Then xccj introduced Jaller, gave him a good position (a lot of the fun of the first chapters, it seemed to me, was assigning characteristic positions to people) and introduced a war - which we all proceeded to ignore for the next eight chapters or so. I find that funny.Oh, and he killed Onua! Have to say, I wasn't really expecting that. But that, and Gresh not knowing what had happened, really set up the story as the mystery it turned into - until it evolved into something else, of course.Zaxvo's first chapter was good too. It brought Kopaka into it, which I definitely liked. Pohatu is my favorite Toa, but I'm a Kopaka fan too. I'm a big Nuva fan in general, so I liked that this story was more or less about them.I thought Kopaka was well written there. Actually colder and less emotional than I write him (as you can see from my chapters, I guess) but I definitely would prefer that to the other extreme. Something I'm happy about, by the way: I don't think Kopaka smiled in the whole epic!I was pretty happy with the fates Zaxvo decided on for the other Nuva, too, although Tahu's death made me wonder who was king of this "kingdom." I decided they had a power vacuum, in the end.Which brings me to some things I was thinking would be in the story, but never quite made their way in. I sort of introduced them in my first chapter, but only sort of.I put the above in spoiler tags just because it's about story ideas that didn't get into the actual story. It didn't quite seem to belong with the rest.Anyway, my chapter was sort of meant to open up the potential of Kopaka having issues with the government, though not to force it on the other writers. I also wanted to clarify the setup of the North in general, and BRING LEWA INTO IT. I was thinking of doing more with the Lewa-Onua relationship, but there was never really time to talk about it much. (Though I did work in a mention of it in my second chapter.) I also threw out the fact that Onua had been Nuparu's Toa, which Emissary picked up on in his next chapter.I'm going to stop this now, since it's massively long. I'd like to hear what the rest of you were thinking when you were writing your chapters (not meant in the "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" sense ).How did other people's chapters help or hurt your ideas, and what ideas did you have that never made it into the story? That's the interesting part of a round robin, I think.Also, renaming our team has single-handedly made the numbers of all the other teams incorrect, because now there is no Team One. Ha.-Excelsior Extempore

I voted for Ninjago. From what I know of it and Hero Factory, it's closer.Ninjago has more of the somewhat mythical atmosphere of early Bionicle. It also has the small group of element-associated heroes, who are basically the only above-average powered good guys in their simple world. In addition, they are a team of brothers-in-arms who have to maintain Unity. And, of course, they're fighting for the good brother to stop the supernatural evil one from ruling their world.Hero Factory, on the other hand, is Technic-built space cops arresting criminals in a highly technologically advanced and complex society. Their world is very big, very ordered, and seems, to me, very mundane. Also, they have ~20 characters, all of whom pop in and out of the ensemble at random intervals. There's no real definitive team group like Bionicle always had. (Bionicle Equivalent: Hey, Gali and Lewa, we're taking you off the team and replacing you with Hewkii and Nuparu, until we switch one of them out for Takanuva, next mission.)I understand that "team" doesn't have to mean the same thing here it does in Bionicle, but the result of this method is that you can't really get attached to anyone. The cast and the group dynamic are changing too often to develop any one of them.Anyway, Ninjago seems to be closer in terms of tone, though obviously Hero Factory was designed as Bionicle's successor in terms of sets.-Excelsior

Well, here I am again.It's always- never mind, I'm going to cut off that reference right now.I was planning to catch up on this when your PM reminded me. Probably not its intended purpose, but it worked. :PAnyway, comments:1. I see from his conversation with Aru (who apparently managed to keep up with the giant flying dragon - impressive!), that Inc continues to get darker.But not too dark to appreciate his dragon ride! There's still plenty of classic Incommodo in here.2.(Oh, and just BTW, this phrase struck me as awkward: Aru stood thoughtfully for around a second. It sounds like "Aru stood around," and just doesn't seem to describe her action very well. I would suggest something more like "Aru paused thoughtfully for a moment." Of course, some of that is just personal preference, but I thought I'd mention it. That's what review topics are meant for, right?)3.I have to admit, I'm puzzled by the identity of the 'snake.' Who here talks in bold...?4.And the Apocalypse Team is now six, it would seem. (Speaking of which... why is Proditor's first move on seeing Inc to "reach for his sword"? Well, okay, he may have thought it was some evil thing pretending to be Inc. Maybe.)5.How does Nikarra know Aru? Are we supposed to not know that, or did I just forget?6.Oh, and for the record, I like the dialogue. Besides advancing the plot, it lightens things up. We may in the middle of the apocalypse, but that's no reason to lose your sense of humor! Unless you're Incommodo, that is. Then, yes, probably losing your sense of humor right about now.(Huh. I think this is my shortest review yet.)-Excelsior

Okay, so we're all agreed on Team Extempore. Cool.For the title, I wasn't really thinking about continuing it (which does not mean I don't want to - I do). I think right now, we should be picking a title based on the story in its current form, rather than taking into account future story potential. I really want a title for the story we're entering. Actually, I like Zaxvo's idea of continuing it in sequel form. (Though I'm open to a normal continuation also.)But I do agree now that "Death to the Toa Nuva" probably isn't the best title, even for what's written so far. "Do You Trust Me?" doesn't seem quite central enough either, though, especially since we never figured out the exact significance of that question. (If there was any.) "Fireworks Revolver" - I personally like titles with a slightly less specific meaning. Ideally, I think they should say something about the theme of the story, as opposed to just naming an element of it."Kingdom of the Toa" could have been a good title, but it focuses on themes that never quite made their way into the story. They were just things I was thinking about - possibly they would be expanded on in the continuation, but I think they're the kind of things that need all the authors to be working on.So what is the central theme of this story? Does it have one?Let me see - a group of people, most prominently Kopaka and Lewa, seek to uncover and neutralize a threat, originally to the Toa Nuva but expanding to cover the entire world.Hey, how about "Obstacles"?Death to the Toa Nuva For: Emissary. Against: Zaxvo + xccj. Flip-flopped: Me.Kingdom of the Toa For: No oneDo You Trust Me? For: xccj. Against: Me.Fireworks Revolver For: xccj. Against: MeObstacles For: Me, if you guys like it.Any other ideas/input?Well, since we're all agreed on my "Team Extempore" suggestion, I guess I'll PM Hahli Husky about it.Hopefully I'll be posting in the review topic later today. It'll be interesting to compare notes on our respective chapters.-Excelsior Extempore

Team Extempore and Death to the Toa Nuva, definitely! -VoidCool! Hopefully xccj and Zaxvo will weigh in on this too.Looking forward to discussing our story in the review topic!-Excelsior Extemporean?

Lewa activated the Olmak. In the desert air next to him, a portal began to take shape.But it was barely large enough for a stone rat when "Brutaka's" fist rose up and smashed Lewa in the face - shattering the already-damaged Mask of Dimensional Gates into useless shards."Hey!" Lewa protested, instinctively backflipping away from his antagonist. Amazingly, the creature was regaining its feet, seemingly untroubled by Lewa's savage attacks of a moment ago."You know, you really should be unconscious right now," the Toa of Air said disgustedly. "If anything, you should be worse than unconscious."Brutaka and Pohatu's voices laughed in unison. "I am beyond your experience, Toa Nuva," they said. "I was created to hold the knowledge and power of Mata Nui himself. I have attained a form of existence higher than you could imagine.""Yeah?" Lewa shot back. "Than how come you've gotten so much deep-lower than the rest of us? You're a Toa-murdering piraka. You've killed most of my team - you and that gun. What's the link between you, anyway? How are you and it connected?""I'm afraid that, too, would be difficult for your limited mind to grasp," the two-voiced creature said. "However," it added, "it will not trouble you for long. The time has come when you must be removed, Lewa."He shifted his grip on his katanas. "If you think I'm going to lie down and die, just to oblige an imitation Bohrok," he challenged, "you've got another long-think coming." He smiled grimly.The strange being made no move, and no reply. It simply stood there. But suddenly Lewa found himself frozen, utterly unable to act.The creature walked slowly, calmly toward the helpless Toa. He watched it come.I'm sorry, he apologized in thought - to his living brother and to all his dead. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you.But then - a mere step away from its intended victim - the creature faltered. The hold on Lewa slackened. What-Lewa? Pohatu's mental voice said hesitantly. Brother? Are you really here?Lewa's heart gave a sudden, incredulous leap. "Pohatu! he cried. "Pohatu, is that you?"Lewa! Lewa, listen, we don't have much time. The amalgam of beings swayed in apparent conflict. Ever since it merged with me I've been sucked into a sort of hive mind, just like Brutaka was - saying its words - thinking its thoughts - part of it. Trying to kill you has woken me up - given me my own mind back again - but I don't think I'll be able to hang on for long.The creature began to straighten, only to collapse once more.Lewa, hurry. While I'm keeping it off balance - while I can still help you - kill it. Now. It's the only chance - you have no idea of the power - hurry, Lewa...for the sake of the world...Lewa gulped, trying to regulate his uneven breath and clear his mind. Pohatu's plight was horrible - especially to one who had experienced mind-control himself. The thought flashed through his mind, Even more like the Bohrok. But now was no time to pity his brother, unless he wanted to share his fate. He had to act.He looked at the struggling thing before him. This was the murderer and worse than murderer of his team - the starter of the war - the self-appointed cleanser of the world - destroyer of lives. Today, it would be the one to die, Lewa swore - no matter what it cost him.Goodbye for now, then, Toa-brother, he said to the Toa Nuva of Stone. Stay strong. Soon you will be free.He smiled in anticipation. If this is it, he said ...then let's go out with a bang.He stretched out his arms, preparing himself. With a mighty roar of wind, all the air from hundreds of kio around rushed to him and into him. More followed, seeking to fill the gap left, beginning to twist around the area of vacuum. Within seconds, they stood in the center of a massive tornado.Lewa drew and drew in air until, at last, he reached the limits of his power. Then all was still for a moment, but for the winds, still rushing toward them. "Brutaka" spoke - or perhaps, knowing what was to come, screamed - but his voice was lost in the near vacuum.In his mind, however, Pohatu's voice still came clearly. Farewell, Lewa, he said quietly. And thank you. Now, let it go.Then, having strained to his utmost and beyond to bend all of his power together to his will, the Toa Nuva of Air went Nova.An explosion of impossibly high-pressure air blasted outward from him. It met the winds still rocketing inward, creating a massive, deafening bang in the collision. A huge crater was blown in the desert landscape. Turmoil and utter chaos reigned in the sand-filled atmosphere.And in the middle if it lay the scattered, shredded remains of two bodies. One was that of the unnatural, insane creature which had done so much harm in its relatively short life. The other was that of Lewa - Commander of the Northern Special Forces, second-to-last of the great Toa Nuva, mighty master of air - who had sacrificed his life for the good of others.Many miles away, from the inside of Helryx's cave, Kopaka was startled from his visions of the past by the sound of a massive explosion."What was that?" Helryx exclaimed.Switching to his Akaku, Kopaka looked through the rock walls. Even from that distance, the Toa of Ice saw the gigantic maelstrom of debris. A mighty, turbulent eruption of air and sand, reaching high into the stratosphere.He stood in silence, the significance of the sight sinking in to him. Meanwhile, Helryx grew curious. He had not bothered to share his mask power with her."Well?" she said impatiently after a few moments. "What was it?"Kopaka turned on her, eyes burning with suppressed anger. "I believe it was yet another brother I must mourn," he said quietly. "And yet another death to be laid at your door, Helryx." He threw her mask back to her."Unfortunately, I'm going to be occupied for a while. But someday soon, we're going to have a talk about what you did to Brutaka."He left without waiting to see her reaction. He knew what Lewa must have done, and it had taken all his self-control not to lash out at the Order of Mata Nui's founder. But anger accomplished nothing, he told himself.He sped to New Atero. Why, in Mata Nui's name, has no one ever thought to scrap those Bohrok?Soon, he had reached the city. He slowed down, switching to the power of his Akaku. He located the machine in less than a minute. All the entrances to its chamber were blocked, but that did not delay the last of the Toa Nuva for long.He stood in the chamber. The countdown had very little time left on it. He reached the gun towards the slot, but then hesitated.He had assumed the revolver would disarm it, but how could he be sure? When he thought about it, there seemed very little point in having a disarming mechanism at all. Perhaps the revolver would even begin the re-awakening.He looked inside the machine with his Akaku, examining its workings. But they were too complicated to understand quickly. He knew, though, that it must be meant to duplicate the Bahrag's sonic signal to their followers.As he stood there, debating the safest course of action, an old memory came to mind. It was a term Tahu had jokingly coined, many years ago - "a Pohatu.""When in doubt, smash everything and hope you're somewhere else when it all goes boom," he had explained. Pohatu had immediately claimed it as his motto."This one I'll do your way, then, brother," Kopaka muttered.Activating his Pakari, he stabbed the machine, ripping the casing off. Between his ice power and brute force, he had soon made a wreck of it in the most efficient way possible.He looked at the countdown, now stilled. I don't think that will be awakening anyone any time soon. Now to warn New Atero of the army approaching. They will need help in the coming war.About to leave, he looked doubtfully at the fireworks revolver. What was the safest place for it? On the one hand, here it should be secure until he had time to deal with it. On the other...I'll take it with me, he decided. We still don't know how the Vahi was turned into this malevolent weapon, or what connection the mask could have to the killer.Seizing the ice-covered gun, he ran from the cave toward the embattled city above. The murderer of his team was dead, but there was still a war to fight. There was still a kingdom in danger, in need of help and defense, and Kopaka Nuva ran to its aid.And as he ran, he swore that in every battle, every trouble he faced in his future, he would carry the memories of his brothers and sister with him. While he lived, they should never be forgotten.I may be the last of the Toa Nuva. But I will never work alone.

I think we could finish it by then, personally, if we started wrapping it up now. I'm trying to move towards an ending in my current chapter (which I'm unfortunately not going to be posting till morning, because I'm afraid my tiredness while writing has made it spaced-out/bad, and I want to finish it and read it over later). And I'm totally in support of continuing it, although I would prefer a higher level of collaboration. That would almost certainly get us a better quality product than the pure round-robin format does.Also, I think we should have a name for our team and/or epic. Suggestions, anyone? For team, I suggest Team Extempore, for the following reasons: 1) we are extempore; 2) three of our four team members have the letter 'x' in their respective names. (Although that does leave out Emissary to the Void, which is a drawback.)I am confident those extremely sound arguments will convince you all. But I'm definitely accepting other ideas.For epic names, well, I'm not sure. Sometimes it's a little hard to pin down the theme of this story. Death to the Toa Nuva? Kingdom of the Toa? Perhaps some variant on one of those?Related to which, I have a question for Hahli Husky. Would it be allowed to pick a team/epic name when the writing period is over, before or during the judging process?Anyway, I'm definitely enjoying this contest, more than I thought I would when I entered. And I'm very interested in our story. If it does end on time, maybe we could even do some sort of sequel? (Depends on how it ends, of course.) I'll try to get my chapter up before too late in the morning.-Excelsior

...Well, this is embarrassing.I can't believe I did that.Anyway, thanks for pointing that out. Edited now.-Excelsior

Kopaka paused for a fraction of a second, just long enough to note her appearance - especially the gun in her hand. Then he replied."No."And with lightning speed, he struck the revolver from her hand, dashing it to the floor. She followed it there a moment later, unconscious.Kopaka scrutinized her. His Akaku had failed to note anything unusual about her - nonetheless, he had decided to play it safe. His paranoia had apparently been justified.But he still did not fully understand what had just happened.He stood in thought for a moment. Then, as though he had suddenly realized something, he hastily kicked the weapon away from the unconscious governor, encasing it in a block of ice.This done, he bent over her. "Governor Kina," he said clearly. "Can you hear me?"Slowly, her eyes opened, and she sat up. "Toa Kopaka," she greeted him, obviously fighting down her bewilderment. "Er...why am I on the floor?""I believe you have just been possessed by the enemy of my team," he informed her coolly. "It did no damage, however. Would you mind telling me the last thing you remember?"She stood up, looking affronted. "Why me?" she demanded. "I barely even know you! Couldn't this killer have picked someone who doesn't have a war to run?"Kopaka looked at her."Right," she said. "Last thing I remember...that would be...let me see. I think I was coming in here to ask you about something - but it's all sort of foggy, like I was falling asleep. I came in here, and I started saying something, and...then I woke up on the floor." She shrugged. "What happened in between?""The killer said something about 'liking Glatorian,'" Kopaka replied, "which, incidentally, may help answer your previous question. It then asked me "Do you trust me?'""Since you're still alive, I'm guessing the answer was 'No,'" Kiina remarked."There are few people I trust at the best of times," Kopaka said dryly. "When there's a body-possessing murderer out for my life, that list goes down dramatically. So, correct. I knocked the gun out of your hand.""And then what?" Kiina queried. "Couldn't the killer do anything without his gun?" She shook her head skeptically. "I guess he really didn't realize what I'm capable of in combat."At that moment Lewa came through the door. He looked quizzically at Kopaka. "Did I just hear her say she could take you on in a fight, toa-brother? I mean, no offense, Kiina, but - you do realize he's a Toa Nuva, right?"Kopaka sighed. "Leave it to you to go straight to the least important point of a discussion, Lewa." The Toa of Air was right, of course, but there was no point in saying so. It would only waste time in pointless argument."Actually," he continued to Kiina, "as soon as the gun dropped from your hand, you collapsed. The killer left you, as far as I could see, at the same moment it did.""But...does that mean..." Kiina trailed off, looking at the Toa of Ice. He looked at her briefly, then turned his gaze to the fireworks revolver. Her eyes followed his.The weapon lay inertly on the floor, wrapped in its icy casing. It looked like any other Skakdi weapon - ugly and brutal. Yet suddenly, in the Glatorian's eyes, it wore a malevolent expression."Yes, Governor," Kopaka said quietly. "That thing isn't just the murder weapon. It's the murderer.""Well, then," Lewa said, his voice tight, "let's smash-blast it to Karzahni!" He pointed a katana at it.Kopaka caught his arm. "Not yet, brother," he said. "I doubt it would do us much good - or it much harm."Kiina turned to the door. "Well, I have to get back to the fight," she said. "If you need anything from Tajun, just ask someone." Her jaw tightened. "Prime Minister Onua was a good Toa, and a good friend." She left the room.Lewa looked at Kopaka. "She doesn't even know about the others," he said slowly. Somehow, it seemed wrong that so few knew the truth of his team's deaths.He nodded at the revolver, bringing himself back to the present. "So, why are we leaving it in existence, exactly?""For one thing," Kopaka explained, "the killer may very well be able to live outside it - possibly be even more dangerous." His voice grew ice-cold. "When we destroy this thing, I want it to be for good.""Agreed," Lewa said quietly. "But then what do we do with it?""I believe," Kopaka said thoughtfully, "that it requires actual physical contact to possess a body. Perhaps even something more - after all, we've been carrying it without any possession. We'll probably be safe if we keep it covered in ice.""And if not?" Lewa asked.Kopaka shrugged casually. "I suppose I'll have to be ready to freeze you, if you begin acting strange."Lewa rolled his eyes. "I suppose so.""About Pohatu," he continued. "Where do we start? Any leads?""Actually," Kopaka said, "there was something I didn't tell you earlier." He paused, suddenly perplexed. "I wonder why I didn't." He looked at the revolver. "Could that have been affecting my behavior, perhaps? Another link between Pohatu and the killer, then..."In any case," he continued, "I'll tell you now."For the past few years I have been in telepathic contact with someone claiming to be Pohatu."Lewa blinked. Ever-full of surprises, isn't he. "And you didn't tell anyone?""No," Kopaka said coolly. "For our first few contacts I was unsure who it was, and there was obviously no point in sharing that little information. And when I knew it was an impostor, I thought it best to quietly maintain contact, for more information. There was still nothing to gain by telling anyone - and you and Onua had other responsibilities, anyway.""Okay," said Lewa slowly. "I guess that makes sense." He grinned suddenly at his brother. "Typical Kopaka behavior, anyway." Kopaka looked annoyed."But give me some details. When did he make contact, how, what could this guy's motive be, and how did you know-guess he was a fake?""I was sent a Noble Suletu in an anonymous package," Kopaka said reminiscently. "There was a note with it, claiming to be from Pohatu. It said to use the mask to look for him, and he would respond. It was specially modified, the note said - truthfully - to pick up his mind in particular. This, of course, had the convenient effect of making it impossible for me to tell who, or even where, the being at the other end actually was.""Yeah, I know the type," Lewa nodded. "We've got a few of those in the Special Forces, though they're better suited to Defilak's agents. I don't think the technique is that uncommon...and since it was only Noble, you can't read the contact's mind, either.""Right," Kopaka agreed. "They're only good for hearing the thoughts deliberately sent to you, not for digging into other minds."As for the motive," he continued, "most of the impostor's messages dealt with a vague, but supposedly highly important and secret, 'mission' he was on, and of many assurances that he was fine, and that I shouldn't look for him, or tell anyone he was alive, because it would 'endanger the mission,' and so on, and so on."Lewa nodded. "He was trying to get you off Pohatu's trail," he recognized. "He doesn't sound very quick-smart at this.""He's not," Kopaka assured him. "None of those were things Pohatu would say. He doesn't sound quite like him in normal conversation, either. Again, I was in contact with him just now, and told him of Onua's death. He showed no emotion whatever."Details like that," he continued, "make me think it was very hurriedly done. Which, in turn, means my search for Pohatu frightened someone badly. Whoever it is must have been fairly desperate.""So what did you do?" Lewa asked."I kept in contact with the impostor, so as not to frighten him," Kopaka said grimly. And I kept searching. Even more quietly, this time."Lewa sat thinking for a moment. Something occurred to him."Kopaka," he began, "I'm certain-sure he's not Pohatu, if you say so, but - what if Pohatu's on board with him? I mean, when he's been out of touch this long, it seems to me that either he's really, really pressed hard for time, or - Mata Nui forbid - he's not in control of his thought-actions, or - he's deliberately avoiding us."He paused uncertainly. "I mean, maybe we should...just leave him alone."The Toa of Ice almost smiled. "Brother, Pohatu has never in his life left me alone when I wanted him to," he said, a rare glimmer of laughter in his eyes. "I certainly won't give him that courtesy now."Especially," he added more seriously, "since, in the end, I was usually glad of his help. Because there is a fourth option, which you haven't mentioned." His face grew troubled. "There's the possibility that he's in some sort of trouble - trouble that's so bad he's afraid to bring anyone else into it."But I don't want him to have to face it - whatever it might be - alone. That's why I was looking for him before. Now we need him, too. I don't even think he knows I've been looking for him, actually, but now we're going to find him. Soon."Let's leave as quickly as we can," he said, striding to the door. "I just want to get a working Suletu first - in case we need to talk to New Atero. Then we'll be crossing over to the Southern Hemisphere. The last traces of Pohatu were fairly close by. The sooner we get the Nuva together again, to face our enemies, the better." Lewa smiled. But Kopaka seemed entirely unaware of the irony of his last remarks. Guess he's found-learned a few things since the old days, the Toa of Air thought.

Thanks, Aderia! And sorry I didn't answer before.As a matter of fact, I think my Psychometry use was probably influenced by Toa of Iron's epic, The End of Yrenta, in which one of the Toa has that mask. That epic is certainly where I've seen the most use of it, although I believe I gave my Toa more control over it than he did his.About the names - I know! Completely made-up names are never as good as the ones with a linguistic background. That's why the Bionicle names from the first years sound cooler (and, incidentally, are spelled more simply), than the later ones. (Tahu? Kopaka? Lewa? All cool.) It's also why all J. R. R. Tolkien's names sound so good - but most of us aren't equipped to invent our own language, so taking words from an already-existing one is the next best thing. (Assuming the original owners don't sue you, of course.)I just found the translations again. (I use this site, by the way: it seems pretty good, if you ever need one.)Ekara means 'eagle,' which was inspired by their vision powers. I searched 'sight' or something like that on the translator, actually, and that was one of the results. I said, "Hey, that sounds cool! I think I'll use that," and thus the Eagle Toa were born. (It sounds cool in both languages!)Tohanga was inspired by Ekara, I believe. It means "nest."Matakite is defined as:(verb) (-a) to see into the future, prophesy, prophesies, foresee, foretell.(adjective) prophetic, visionary, predictive, prophetical.(noun) prophecy, prophet, seer, clairvoyant, special intuition.Not actually especially appropriate for that character, but it sounded like a good name for a team leader type, so I just went with it.Tirohanga is:(noun) view, sight, aspect.Poropiti is:(loan) (verb) (-tia) to prophesy, foretell, predict.(loan) (adjective) prophetic.(loan) (noun) prophet, prophecy, prediction.Mahara is:(verb) (-tia) to remember, recollect, bear in mind, know.(noun) recollection, thought, memory.After writing this story, I am always using Maori for Bionicle names. Always.As a matter of fact, I wasn't sure about the setting until I reached that line. In the beginning, it was some sort of Makuta-related invasion. I think I decided against that because it was too complicated, and complication = word count.Yeah, if I'm writing a themed story, I like to use the keyword as often as possible, especially to wrap it up.Thanks! I do see it could be expanded. Maybe sometime I'll do it.When I wrote it, I was thinking about maybe doing more with them. The problem is, their mask-powers are all so information-based, it seems like it could limit the plot possibilities. Perhaps team them up with a couple more Toa with more battle-oriented powers?Thanks a lot. Everything I've written so far is linked in my sig now (except my other Flash Fiction entries, which maybe I should dig up). As you may notice, I've only written for contests so far. I seem to need competition to get myself writing. Of course, that could change. I do have a couple of Bionicle story ideas...Maybe when the LSO are over? I hope so.-Excelsior