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SPIRIT

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  1. SPIRIT
    Now before I begin, I should state that I am not trained as a psychologist. However I have taken like 3.5 courses in psychology, and I am an incredibly judgmental person, so I think that's just as good.
     
    The science behind this super accurate and totally legitimate personality test is that I judge people based on their favourite colour. So think of what your favourite colour is and look at the list below to see what your results are!
     

    -----




    Results


    Blue: You weak and watery milquetoast of a sheep! Your favourite colour is blue? Like the most popular favourite colour in the world? Yawn! Boring! How's that 9-5 accounting job going for you? Did you just assume that yawning is a sign of people listening to you? Because it isn't, you're just that boring. The human eye can detect 10 million different colours and you went and chose the most boring one.
     
    Red: Hey buddy! Now we're talking! This is the colour of champions! Of movers and shakers. Red is a symbol of power! Red gets things done! Gryffindor? They were red. Luke Skywalker? Red Five. James from Thomas the Tank Engine? Son, you'd better believe he was red too. They even did a study that showed that red tends to win more often than blue. It's just science!
     
    Orange: Aw, come on. Don't be like that. You're just a red-liker who can't quite handle the intensity and wonder that is red. I get it. It's a lot to live up to. Orange is a pretty good second. Tahu's orange arms and legs complimented his red everything else rather nicely. You need to believe in yourself, son. You've got that passion within, you just need to set it free.
     
    Yellow: Ugh, get out of here with that. Yellow? I bet you're a morning person too. Oh and on behalf of everyone you interact with on a daily basis, you talk way too loud. Most of us don't want to handle you in the morning, let alone any other time of the day with your constant sunshine demeanour. Luckily for you, the laws of this land prohibit murdering people whose favourite colour is yellow... I think. Let me look this one up and get back to you.
     
    Green: Well, at least you didn't say blue. I'll give you that. Green isn't that much better, though. Earth is a blue and green planet. You know what we have way too much of? Blue and green! Let me guess. You're probably at the bottom tier of your class, the lower end of the bell curve. You're the sort of person who picks Bulbasaur when Charmander and Squirtle are standing right in front of me. Enjoy being a disappointment to the species.
     
    Azure: Shut up, this is still blue. I don't care that Italian considers it a different colour. It's still blue. What's worse, it's even a worse version of blue. It's such a bad version of blue that the default colour palate on this board doesn't list it. Why don't you take a good hard look at your life and try to be a better person?
     
    Pink: This is a bit more complicated. If you're a girl, woopdeedoo. Way to fight all stereotypes and millennia of oppression. Yes, every marketing department your entire life has told you this is what you want, but maybe try growing a backbone for a change! You can't all like pink. Where's your sense of individuality and desire to break from from the shackles of society? And if you're a guy, come on. This is a very serious personality test. Just say red or lightish red. You aren't fooling anyone.
     
    Purple: Once again, this one is twofold. If you're a girl, let's get real. You just picked this one because pink was too girly. Well tough tamales, this one is almost just as bad. This is like trying to put out a fire with a squirtgun, not that you'd know anything about that, trapped in your minimum wage pink-collar job. And if you're a guy... okay, look. Purple does have red in it, but you're not fooling anyone. You're just trying to be subversive. "Oh look at me, I like purple. I'm so random and fun!" Well, you're neither. Purple was only cool if you were the emperor of Rome and those leaves in your hair definitely aren't laurels, they're just a product of you only bathing once a month.
     
    Black: Ooooh, I'm sooooo scared. You must be a deep and dreary old soul. "Oh look at me, I like black. I'm only slightly more annoying than the people that point out that black isn't a real colour." Maybe you are or were a goth or maybe you're a giant hipster, but I won't abide this at all. Your favourite colour is black? A.k.a. the absence of light. Shut up, no it isn't. Why don't you do some soul searching and come up with a favourite colour that doesn't make you look like a pretentious doofus.
     
    Grey: What? Was black too hardcore for you? You're like a black-liker and an azure-liker had a baby and then only read it the financial section of the New York times growing up.
     
    Brown: No, your favourite colour isn't brown. I don't care what you say or how many times you invoke the mighty name of Pohatu, your favourite colour isn't brown. Brown is nasty colour you get when you mix all the paints together. Maybe you misread your heart and didn't realize that Wikipedia defines brown as a shade of orange. In which case, scroll up because there's hope for you yet. Brown... Honestly, the only other explanation is that you were the kid who ate dirt, which is probably all you'll be able to afford once your boss finds out how much of a waste of space you are.
     
    White: Are you kidding me? White? No, get out. I'm not even going to discuss this one. You are literally the worst person to ever walk this planet. I think Genghis Khan mentioned that his favourite colour was white after he finished beheading his 10 millionth peasant. So why don't you pack up all your possessions and move to Mongolia? At least then we won't have to deal with you over here.
     
    Anything Else: Look, if your favourite colour isn't on this list and you don't work in a paint store, you don't actually have any friends. You've got a lot of people who will spend time in close proximity to you out of pity or who are perhaps planning your murder because you're such an obnoxious person. In fact, it might be a good idea right now to print out your Facebook friend list and send that to the police with a brief explanation. That isn't to say that the police won't murder you too, but at least the rest of us won't have to put up with you any more. Like especially if your favourite colour is a town in Kanto, that's a dead giveaway that it's only a matter of time until everyone standing around your open casket remarking, "you know, I'm okay with this."
     

    -----


    So yeah. Post your results in the comments! This may surprise some of you, but my favourite colour was red! I know, crazy, right? This test is soooooo accurate!
  5. SPIRIT

    Olives

    By SPIRIT,

    Today I'm going to complain about people who like olives, but not for the reason you might think.
     
    Personally, I love olives. Black, green. Can't get enough of them.
     
    My beef is with people who buy olives with the pits still in them.
     
    If you people are out there, why do you do this? We live in the information era. No longer must we be beholden to pits in our olives. For 3000 years the peoples of the Mediterranean struggled with this minor inconvenience, and now we have a factory machine that saves us the trouble. Anecdotally a random food blog I found on Google suggests that including the pit improves the presentation of the olive. Oh please, get over yourself. It's just going straight in your mouth anyway, and if you don't include the pit you can finish your meal even faster and get on with your miserable food blogging life. Now some of you may be thinking, "Hey, isn't it cheaper to buy the ones with pits in them? I'm on a budget, man!" Look, buddy. If you can afford olives, you can afford ones without pits in them. It's such a minor additional cost for a massive increase in quality of life. I dream of being about to pay an extra dollar to make my other minor inconveniences go away, and here you are spitting in the face of science.
     
    In conclusion, I'll probably never work as a food critic.
  6. SPIRIT

    Beards

    By SPIRIT,

    It's hard to believe that it was just over two years ago that I decided to become a full-time bearded man. There's a surprisingly deep subculture surrounding the grooming of one's facial hair, I've learned.
     
    Before committing, I made the conscious decision to look at what other men were doing and pick and choose what I wanted for my own face. One of the things I learned from this is that different men have different bald spot patterns on their face. So a beard like Jafar's might just grow like that naturally rather than being the product of careful shaving.
     
    Another thing is moustaches. Some people have a large canvass of hair follicles for moustache growth (see also Tom Selleck), whereas others do not. It seems to me unless you can grow a Selleck-esque moustache, you're probably better to go with at least a goatee if not the full beard. The ol' pencil moustache just ain't cutting it these days (especially if you wear those giant glasses from the 1970s -- I think that gets you immediately arrested).
     
    And don't think you can cheat the system by going with no moustache. That's right, Amish people. A moustache on its own looks good, a moustache and beard looks good, but a beard without a moustache looks awful. Obviously no Amish people are reading this, but if you see any Amish people, let them know I think their practice of going moustache-less is very silly. (As well as their reasoning for it, but you can look that up on your own time).
     
    Now what else...
     
    A good beard is well-trimmed around the edges. Make sure you shave off those stray cheek hairs and your neck. Probably follow the jaw-line for that. That's a good rule of thumb. I notice a lot of guys don't do that, and once you go past a certain length, it just doesn't look good. A jaw-line beard really adds definition to your face.
     
    And then there's women with moustaches. Hate to break it to you ladies, but if men have to groom our facial hair, you definitely have to groom yours. Yadda, yadda, beauty on the inside, but it takes like two seconds and makes the world of difference.
     
    Personally, I do the full beard to the jawline, and I think my ideal length is somewhere around 3/8 inch, but it is fun to grow it out every now and then to feel a little regal.
     
    How about you guys? What's your facial hair situation?
  7. SPIRIT
    omg i have so much i should be doing right now why am i making a blog about this okay spirit dont panic breathe in breathe out thats it oh dear how did things go so wrong everything was cool yesterday and now its all fallen apart i wonder if i could hire a secretary or personal assistant to help me deal with all this because this is just crazy i consider myself a person of roughly average intelligence and ability and i cant imagine how dumb people manage but i guess there arent many dumb people in my situation so it all balances out i wish i had a time machine so that i could just be six months in the future when my life is all figured out or even a crystal ball to tell me which paths to take would be handy i dont even care about causality or missing out on my true destiny or free will at this point im sure there are many outcomes that would lead to a happy ending good gravy its hard to type like this for comedic effect i guess many years of typing english class and reading have ingrained several difficult to break habit i wonder if this entry will even be legible or if it will get any reputation points its so weird that there isnt a better name for those rep points reppies repertoire im sure theres a pun to be made but my brain cant make it right now i guess i feel a little better after typing all this and things have certainly been worse but i think thats a poor excuse because i can imagine them being so much better i guess im going to repress that by playing video games speaking of which i cant believe sun and moon are almost out i am so hyped for generation seven im also hyped for civ vi and i would love to play more of that but i just cant commit the time right now and my computer is growing a little slow in its old age i think skyrim killed it man id love to do another playthrough of skyrim too on a modern desktop super gaming computer that would be so dope but obviously i wont have the time or the money for this for some time which i guess is the point of finishing my degree getting a job and starting my career i mean i figure i can build a pretty sweet gaming lounge for like five thousand bucks that should include computer chair tv wireless keyboard and wireless mouse i wonder what the range is on those things i guess it doesnt matter at this point maybe i can set up a receiver closer to my chair if theres an issue man i wish these were the problems in my life and not the bureaucratic quagmire i have to wade through right now also i should probably be studying oh crud and then theres that assignment i have due and dont even get me started on that comedy i was supposed to be writing oh well itll get done when it gets done okay this is probably enough they got the joke now i guess ill just drown my sorrows in video games and hope everything sorts itself out
  8. SPIRIT

    Sugar, Spice

    By SPIRIT,

    Sugar...
     
    Spice...
     
    And plastic pellets...
     
    These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little Toa.
     
    But Professor Artakha accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concotion -- Energized Protodermis
     
    Thus, the Toa Nuva were born!
     
    Using their elemental powers, Tahu, Gali, Lewa, Kopaka, Onua, and Pohatu have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of Makuta!
  9. SPIRIT

    Dear Autocorrect

    By SPIRIT,

    Dear Autocorrect,
     
    Whilst I appreciate your wide array of word suggestions, never have I ever, nor will I ever mean to start a sentence with the abbreviated forms of Hawaii, Indiana, or Ohio. So when I start a sentence with "Hi", "In", or "Oh", for goodness sake, why do you keep correcting them to "HI", "IN", or "OH"?!?!! Why would anyone want that? Do you seriously expect me to believe that more people talk about the state of Hawaii than greet each other?!
     
    Yours Sincerely,
     
    Typing on touchscreens is hard, otherwise I'd turn you off and never look back
  10. SPIRIT

    My Ideal Squirrel

    By SPIRIT,

    This is what people are doing in the blogs these days, right?
     
     
    My ideal squirrel would be an eastern grey squirrel with a black coat. It would have a thick, bushy tail, and it would be able to bring me snacks or grab things from across the room that I'm too lazy to get myself. He could live in the tree in my yard and attack trespassers with acorns.
     
    Then when people complain, I could just say:
     
    "Wow, a squirrel threw an acorn at you? That's nuts!"
  12. SPIRIT

    Simple Grammar Trick

    By SPIRIT,

    Lay is to lie as raise is to rise.
     
     
    e.g.
    You can lie down or rise up.
    You can lay a book down or you can raise a book up.
     
     
    So it is incorrect so say something like, "I'm going to lay down for a bit." That's like saying, "I'm going to raise out of bed in the morning."
     
    But wait, using "lay" when you mean "lie" helps to remove any ambiguity between reclining and recounting falsehoods. In any case, the meaning is still understood! Besides, certain conjugations of the verb "to lie" can use the word "lay". Wouldn't it be more efficient to condense them into a single verb?
     
    Aha, yes, but we all know the true purpose of grammar is rarely to dispel ambiguity or promote efficiency, rather it is a useful marker of social class... You filthy peasant.
  13. SPIRIT
    The Jazziest JtO Spoof
     
     
    Yep, I said to myself. "SPIRIT, m'boy, it's high time you write this thing. Bionicle may be dead, but the people need you one last time!"
     
    Then I got very busy in real life.
     
    Then I caught a cold.
     
     
    So uh... chapter 2 is half done and will be released... soon... ish... *blows nose and downs more cold medication*
     
     
     
    Here's an excerpt:
     
    (Flashback to 2014...)
     
    President Lego: So that's the plan. We're bringing back Bionicle next year. Are you in?
     
    Pohatu: I am so totally in! What would Bionicle be without the bestselling Toa of all time?
     
    President Lego: Bestselling Toa? Oh wow, you're actually serious. Yikes.
     
    Pohatu:
     
    President Lego: Look, just drop off your bio on Merlin's desk and wait for us to send you the script.
     
    Pohatu: Aw man, I've gotta spice up my bio. Now what's cool, tough, and exciting? Hmm... I've got it. Australian Batman. I am a genius. No one will be upset by this at all.
  14. SPIRIT
    Hello friends.
     
    If you're anything like me, you use Facebook for three things:
     
    1) To stalk people (let's be real, that's why the website exists)
    2) To stay in the loop
    3) To message people
     
    Notice how "read stupid articles and dank memes" was not on that list?
     
     
    For quite some time now, I've been getting pretty sick of seeing dumb posts on Facebook. "So and So shared this dumb article on veganism", "What's her Face was tagged by a friend in this poorly made Vine", "Oh look, another post shared from a Facebook page for octogenarians". I could go on.
     
    This is ridiculous. I don't want to see any of this junk. But I also don't want to fall out of the loop on important issues.
     
    So what do I do?
     
    At the top right of every Facebook post, there is a drop down menu. If you click it, you can see the option to Hide All From X. This will still keep your friend's vacation pics, status updates, and relationship announcements, but hide any and all future garbage from that source that they might decide to share with you. I've been doing this for about a week now and my Facebook feed is much less terrible to go through.
     
     
     
     
    But wait, you said it doesn't hide status updates! What do I do if my friend keeps posting racist, sexist, homophobic, climate change denying posts?
     
    If that's the case, I think you just have a terrible friend. This is much harder to fix in a democracy with free speech. Vote for SPIRIT as dictator for life.
  15. SPIRIT

    Goodbye Gen 2

    By SPIRIT,

    I know a lot of people use the blogs rather than the forums to showcase their stuff, but that's crazier than crazy.
     
    Blogs are for shameless self-promotion and complaining about random things that no one else has context for!
     
    So I'm not going to post my video here, but I will link it for you to discuss.
     
    LINK
  16. SPIRIT
    Well, $140 later and my laptop works again. The guy said my laptop is unusably slow and I should get it replaced, but as far as I can tell it's back to normal.
     
    Anyway, my Pokémon...
     
    The day was April 8th, 2003. A young boy awoke excitedly on his birthday. On this very day, 3 years prior, he had received his first GameBoy and Pokémon game (Yellow) -- he had gotten his first Pokémon, a Pikachu on his tenth birthday. Truly this was the stuff legends are made of.
     
    But that was in the past. Pokémon Yellow was so last decade. Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire had just been released, along with the GameBoy Advance SP. It was a day for the history books when young SPIRIT popped his translucent red game cartridge into his new GBA SP and saw that opening cinematic before school that day. SPIRIT also received his starter that day, a Torchic, that would later become a Combusken and then a Blaziken.
     
    That Blaziken assisted SPIRIT faithfully through the Elite Four countless times, just managing to clench victory in the face of defeat. She rose to level 100 and followed SPIRIT for many years to come. She was transferred to Diamond Version, then Black Version, Black 2 Version, Y Version, and finally OmegaRuby. While the Pokemon in SPIRIT's pre-Gen III cartridges died as the batteries expired, Blaziken lived on.
     
    But everything changed when the computer glitch attacked...
     
    SPIRIT tried to transfer his OmegaRuby save (for he only had the digital version), to a bigger SD card, but the transfer failed. Now Blaziken, along with every main story team and competitive team SPIRIT had bred in the last 13 years had become trapped in cyberspace.
     
    If anyone knows how to restore corrupted 3DS save files, I will literally do anything for you.
     
    My babies are gone... There are children who can walk and talk that have not lived as long as some of the Pokémon I lost. I am in mourning.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    A song:
     
    Goodbye Blaziken
    Though I caught you in ball
    You used the move Sky Uppercut
    While those around you crawled
     
    They crawled out into battle
    And they tried to cause you pain
    With Psychic, Flying, Ground, and Water
    Though steadfast you remain
     
    AND IT SEEMS TO ME YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE
    LIKE A LITWICK IN THE WIND
    NEVER KNOWING WHO TO CLING TO
    WHEN THE RAIN SET IN
     
    AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE KNOWN YOU
    BUT I WAS JUST A KID
    YOUR LITWICK BURNED OUT LONG BEFORE
    YOUR LEGEND EVER DID...
     
     
    In memory of Blaziken (April 8 2003 - July 17 2016)
     
    "
    " -Blaziken 
     
     
     
    Okay, forget all that nonsense. I am a gosh darned genius. I took my corrupted file, put it on my computer, then I took a blank SD card, downloaded Omega Ruby again, then I pasted it onto the corrupted file, and it works! It works! My Pokémon are safe and sound!!
     
    BLAZIKEN IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7Ln04baGik
  18. SPIRIT

    Charcoal Toothbrush

    By SPIRIT,

    Apparently these exist???
     
    I can't help but think that one day something went horribly wrong at the toothbrush factory, and some guy in marketing saw a golden opportunity.
  19. SPIRIT

    Stupid Questions

    By SPIRIT,

    Know what I hate? When you ask someone a question, they give you the answer, and then follow up with "don't you remember me telling you?"
     
    Well obviously not or I wouldn't be asking!
     
     
    And somehow I'm the dumb one in this situation.
  21. SPIRIT

    150, Dude!

    By SPIRIT,

    It has been brought to my attention that Pokémon Sun & Moon will be released in 150 days.
     
    Coincidentally, the last possible day of exams next semester is in 150 days, whereby I will be done with school forever.
     
    Either way, in 150 days, a world of dreams and adventures awaits!
     
     
     
    150 days...
  22. SPIRIT
    Hey guys, important PSA.
     
    The Internet is a pretty awful place. Tons of people yelling into the void, and I can't stop reading it all for some reason. So I'm asking all citizens of the Internet to do their part in making it a better place. It's not an easy task, but I think if we all take small steps, we can see some real change.
     
    Remember how as a society we decided not to do chain email forwarding? I mean, that did just morph into tagging people in the comments sections of random Facebook memes, but we managed to end the practice.
     
    What I'm asking everyone to do today is to stop perpetuating made up holidays.
     
    Apparently it's National Best Friends Day?
     
    That's not a thing. That's definitely not a thing. No one gets time off, they don't make greeting cards for it, it isn't to commemorate the martyrdom of St. Bestius Friendius. It's not a thing. Stop posting about it.
     
    Here's SPIRIT's patented guide to figuring out whether a holiday is real:
     
    National + X + Day = Not a holiday
     
    X may represent any term, and if it's surrounded by the words "national" and "day", it's not a holiday.
     
     
    Let us all band together as a society this day and vow never to acknowledge the existence of these made up holidays. Let us forever remember today as National Don't Share Made Up Holidays Day. Let us --
     
     
    Aw dangit...
  24. SPIRIT

    Philosophy

    By SPIRIT,

    I've thought long and hard about what I want my life to be about. There are so many philosophies out there, but I've found they're all pretty limiting in one way or another. But I think I've found the one that suits me the best.
     
    From now on, I'm going to be a humanitarian!
     
     
     
     
    I've already tried being a vegetarian, but I think this diet will be easier to maintain. Just don't tell the cops. They're already pretty upset after my egalitarian diet. Which is a shame, because eagles are just so darn tasty.
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