This is what people are doing in the blogs these days, right?

My ideal squirrel would be an eastern grey squirrel with a black coat. It would have a thick, bushy tail, and it would be able to bring me snacks or grab things from across the room that I'm too lazy to get myself. He could live in the tree in my yard and attack trespassers with acorns.

Then when people complain, I could just say:

"Wow, a squirrel threw an acorn at you? That's nuts!"