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SPIRIT

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Blog Entries posted by SPIRIT

  1. SPIRIT

    A Thought

    By SPIRIT,

    The value of the Internet is that we all equally have a voice



    But remember that not all voices should be equally valued



    Meditate on this and your jimmies shall never be rustled again


  2. SPIRIT
    The day was December 25th, 2002; Christmas Day, if memory serves.
     
    A 12 year old boy who was not yet known as SPIRIT online received Pokémon: Crystal Version as a gift from his parents under the guise of Santa Claus (in order to fool his younger sister into believing that magic and wonder were real). This boy had already played Gold and Silver Versions. Why did he then ask for Crystal, which was effectively the exact same game with only a few changes? Certainly not even he knows...
     
    Regardless, this young boy could not have known the quest he would be sent on because of this so called "gift". Or was it perhaps...
     
    A CURSE?!
     
    For little did the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT know, but one of the new features in Pokémon: Crystal Version was a Battle Tower.
     
    "Gadzooks!" eclaimèd he. For where once there had been a sparse rock-face on the 40th Route of the Region of Johto, there now stood a mighty edifice stretching for the sky, as if to mock Arceus himself. "Perchance I shall return anon upon the completion of mine main campaign storyline," said he prior to embarking upon a seaworthy Pocket Monster and traversing the seas of the 40th and 41st Routes of the Johto Region.
     
    And yea did he return upon the completion of his main campaign storyline. Spake he to the smartly-dressed attendant who said unto he: "thou shalt bringeth with thee only three Pokémon. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt bring, and the number of the bringing shall be three. Four shalt thou not bring, neither bring thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out."
     
    "Fair maiden," replièd he. "Thou shouldst not fret thineself, for verily I say unto thee: I am the Master of the Monsters of the Pocket. Upon mine breast are pinned one score less four badges from the regions of Johto and Kanto. I have defeated the Team of Rockets, the Four who are Elite, and the man who calls himself Red. All have fallen to me and my power, as they shall again this day."
     
    And so the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT chose his mightiest Monsters of the Pocket. Their names and species are lost to history, but the chronicles are quite clear about the use of a Typhlosion (because let's be honest, Fire Types are best types).
     
    The Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT charged into battle with his loyal beast at his side. His Typhlosion that he had raised from a tiny Cyndaquil. His Typhlosion who had been by his side battling every trainer in the game. His Typhlosion who had never lost a fight.
     
    His first opponent sent out a Miltank.
     
    "Ah yes, the Tank of Mil," scoffed the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT. "My old foe. I have seen your kind before. I know your allegiance to the one called Whitney. I was not afeared then and I am not afeared now! Go! Typhlosion! Use Flamethrower!"
     
    But his opponent simply said, "Miltank! Use Surf!"
     
    It was all over in a matter of seconds. The Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT had never seen a Miltank so swift. His entire team of champions were taken down by a simple cow. He vowed his revenge that day. He would not be bested by a cow. TYPHLOSION WOULD NOT BE DEFEATED IN VAIN.
     
     
    Many years would pass and with them, many more Pokémon games would be released, each with its own Battle Tower or an equivalent. Try as he might, The Boy-Who-Was-Finally-Called-SPIRIT failed time after time after time. Every time victory would seem within his grasp, the A.I. would come up with some trick or scheme to pry victory from his grasp.
     
    Eventually, he would learn the existence of the Values of Effort, the Values of the Individual, and the Smogon University Overused and Uber Tier Lists of Pokémon. Yet even with this knowledge it was not enough.
     
    He came close in 2011, when he beat the Battle Subway in the Doubles competition using a rain-based team, but the victory felt hollow. Drizzle Politoed was a very cheap strategy and spamming Surf constantly was no fun. Plus, the true test was to win the Singles competition, not these new fangled Double Battles.
     
    But he did not give up hope.
     
    At long last, a beacon of light in the darkness: Pokémon: Omega Ruby Version made breeding Pokémon a breeze. Improved breeding mechanics, move tutors, and an infinite cycling path just outside the Daycare. This was it. If it was going to happen, it would be here.
     
    It took time to find a well-balanced team, but at long last a team of an Eelektross, a Gengar, and an Aggron holding some Aggronite began to show some promise. Sure, they had their issues losing to unlucky Random Number Generation (one battle they all died to Swagger. SWAGGER!), but they seemed to achieve victory more surely than any other team SPIRIT had used.
     
    Then came the fateful night.
     
    SPIRIT should have been studying for exams, but he had no idea he would get this far. He got past all the trainers, even the one with Legendaries that sometimes appears unfairly at Rank 42. Then he beat Rank 49. He tried not to get too excited. He had been here before and lost many a time. The Battle Chatelaines used powerful Legendary Pokémon and had a surprising amount of luck on their side. Now was not the time for mistakes...
     
     
     
    The battle lasted a mere 5 turns.
     
     
     
     
    And when the dust settled...
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    HE HAD WON!
     
    TEN TRILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! THE DEATH STAR BLEW UP! THE FIRELORD LOST HIS BENDING! MAKUTA GOT MOONED!
     
    Where once sat a man on a couch now sat a true Pokémon Master... on a couch. So impressed with his battling prowess, were the Non Player Characters, that they erected a monument in SPIRIT's honour in the Battle Maison lobby. And trainers from all around would look at it and say, "that's Phil's boy! That's right!"
     
    And with that, his 13 year long quest had ended. He had finally beaten a Battle Tower on Singles (or its most recent equivalent). The Typhlosion from Crystal had long since been deleted when the game cartridge's internal batteries died, but now its spirit was at rest.
     
     
    And all was well.
     
     
     
     
     
    tl;dr beat the Battle Maison on Singles. Check it out, yo: ML8W-WWWW-WW3X-8SBV
  3. SPIRIT

    Skull Grinder in 2012?

    By SPIRIT,

    So I'm playing LEGO: Lord of the Rings (because there was a Steam sale a while back and because I am the Lord of Procrastination), when I notice something strange.
     
    I turned on the Red Brick for Boss Disguises (which adds silly things to the bosses in the games), and then I fought Sauron.
     
    Gameplay shot.
     
    Cutscene.
     
    He's totally Kulta the Skull Grinder! See? Not only do they have golden masks with long spikes coming out the top, but they both carry giant black and orange maces! And this isn't a new game, it came out in 2012. That was 3 years ago (incidentally, today is its third anniversary, Wikipedia tells me). That was during the heyday of Hero Factory.
     
    Do you realize what this means?!
     
    LEGO plagiarized... itself!
     
     
     
    I'll call the cops.
  4. SPIRIT
    SPIRIT: Excuse me, sir. How much did you pay for that fedora?
     
    Person: Why, I paid twenty dollars for it. Why do you ask?
     
    SPIRIT: *takes fedora and throws it in the nearest waste receptacle* Here's twenty bucks. Buy yourself LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.
     
     
    I think for the most part we've managed to quell the fedora outbreak, but there are still a few stragglers out there who need to be dealt with before we're safe altogether.
     
    While I'm raising funds for this project, I'm also taking ideas on how to tackle the Man-Bun and Coif epidemics. Suggestions are appreciated.
  5. SPIRIT

    Autocorrect Story

    By SPIRIT,

    Lets play a game. I'll type a whole story using only autocorrect suggestions. Let's see what we get:
     
     
    The fact I can see it as an excuse for the year and I don't think that I have a great way of the day before I get a follow back on my way home from work to be the first half of the year and I don't think that I have a great way of the day before I get a follow back on my way home from work to be the first half of the year of high quality of life and the first half of the day I have to go back and I don't know how much you love it and it is not the same thing to say I have a good time with the new version is better to be the best of the year of high quality of life and the first half of the day I have a good time with the new version is better to be the best of the year and a lot more fun and addicting and I don't think I can see it as an excuse for the next few weeks of school tomorrow and I'm still not sure what I was a great way of life is so cute I can't even see it in a while ago but the fact I can get it right away with the same thing to say I have to go back and I don't think that the two sides to be the first half of the day before the end of the year of high quality and the other hand is the only thing that would make it a lot of the day before I go back and I have a great way to the gym today and it was the best thing to say I love it and it is not the same time as the best thing to say that I can get it right away.
  8. SPIRIT
    As of Tuesday September 29th 2015 at 11:29 AEST. I DO give Facebook, or any entities associated with Facebook, permission to use my pictures, information, or posts, both past and future. By this statement I give notice to Facebook that it is strictly encouraged to disclose, copy, distribute, or take any other action against me based on this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of privacy can't be punished by law (not even you, UCC 1-308-11 308-103 or Rome statute). NOTE: Facebook is now a public entity. All members should stop posting notes like this. If you prefer, you can copy and paste this version. If you do not publish this statement at least once nothing will happen to your photos, as well as information contained in the profile status updates. OR YOU CAN SHARE. You CAN copy and paste to make this your status.
  9. SPIRIT

    My Thought Process

    By SPIRIT,

    Hmm, I think I should buy some tea.
     
    What kind of tea should I buy?
     
    Maybe I'll buy a whole bunch of different teas to see which ones I prefer.
     
    A varie-TEA pack.
     
    ...
     
    What have I become?
  10. SPIRIT

    That Awkward Moment

    By SPIRIT,

    That awkward moment when you're pretty sure you've Streetpassed someone you know, but it's so improbable that they would have a 3DS that you're not sure how to bring it up in conversation with them.
     
    Is there a lengthy German word to describe this emotion?
  11. SPIRIT

    Titles

    By SPIRIT,

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    I mean, they're asking me for the information. How do they know I'm not Cardinal SPIRIT?
  12. SPIRIT

    Idea for Screenplay

    By SPIRIT,

    Bishop Alan Grant: Episcopaleontologist
     
    "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, bones to mineralized remains."
     
    "He died and rose again in 20 million days."
     
    "I can't reach that excavation plot, I can only move diagonally!"
     
     
    And yes, , there will be feathers.
  13. SPIRIT
    Guys
     
    I think I found some LEAKED SCREENSHOTS from an upcoming video game based on Bionicle 2015!
     
    Here's Skull Basher and here's Skull Warrior. I'll post more if I find any. Should I report this to the BZP news?
     
     
    My thoughts:
     
    It's cool and all that Lego is making video games again, but I really don't see this one being that successful. Certainly not the sort of thing I would spend 424 hours playing.
  14. SPIRIT

    Kanoka

    By SPIRIT,

    Is it better to be feared or respected?
     
    I say, is it too much to ask for both?
     
    With that in mind I humbly present you the crown jewel of Ta-Metru's Duty Line. It's the first weapons system to incorporate the latest in proprietary Launching Technology. They say that the best weapon is the one that you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree! I prefer… the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dume did it, that's how Metru Nui does it… and it's worked out pretty well so far. Find an excuse to let one of these off the chain, and I personally guarantee you the bad guys won't even want to come out of their huts.
     
    For your consideration…the Kanoka Disk Launcher.
     
     
     
    Edit: Please link to images over 750 kB - let alone 70 MB.
    -Wind-
  15. SPIRIT
    So today marks 365 days of me living in Australia (in addition to it being Canada Day) and it's certainly been an interesting year for me. In this entry, I will talk about my average interaction when meeting an Australian for the first time.
     
    When Australians hear me speak, it doesn't take long for them to realize that something is awry. The more tentative Australians will ask where I'm from, but the bolder ones will flat out guess, which I always find much more interesting. To some Australians, I apparently sound either Irish or English, but those with better hearing can easily detect my North Americanness.
     
    And when they do, you can see the internal struggle on their face as they try to guess whether I'm American or Canadian. Ultimately, it's a fruitless exercise since urban middle class Americans (for the most part) sound just like urban middle class Canadians. Anyway, once they've gotten this far down the conversation, the Australian must make a choice: is he Canadian or American? It normally goes like this.
     
    "Are you American?"
    "No, I'm Canadian."
    "Oh no, I'm so sorry."
     
    Alternatively.
     
    "Are you Canadian?"
    "Yes."
    "Oh, thank goodness. I wanted to say American, but I didn't want to offend you."
     
    So yeah. Australians love Canadians and think calling us Americans is the worst insult ever. Clearly they are not aware of our reputation for politeness and easygoingness.
     

    Oh good, they have both of these emoticons.
  16. SPIRIT

    Ghost Clothes

    By SPIRIT,

    How do ghosts' clothes work?
     
    I mean, you don't normally see naked ghosts. They usually wear what they were wearing when they died. Does this mean their clothes died too?
     
    When I wear a hole in something and throw it out, does that mean I kill it?
     
    Or does it specifically have to be worn by someone as they die?
     
    Could there be a postmortem industry of getting terminally ill patients to wear many layers of clothing to help boost the phantom economy by ghostifying a whole bunch of clothing at once?
     
    Is there the slightest chance I'm overthinking this?
  18. SPIRIT
    Some are born great
     
    some achieve greatness
     
    and others have greatness thrust upon them.
     
     
     
    And then there's Bionicle, where everything is Great This and Great That.
     
    More like a Great Lack of Adjectives, am I right?
  19. SPIRIT

    Hey everyone!

    By SPIRIT,

    Spiders and scorpions don't have skulls! They're arthropods, which means they have exoskeletons! The Skull Spiders and Skull Scorpio are phonies!
     
    Hey everyone! These guys are great big phonies!
  21. SPIRIT
    Hey folks.
     
    As you are my very close and personal friends, I thought the very least I could do for you is offer you an
     
    AMAZING INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.
     
    That's right. You, yes you, could have a once in a lifetime opportunity to invest in greatness. If you can help me raise $10 000 (AUD, CAD, or USD -- they're all more or less equivalent these days), then I can sortofalmostmaybe guarantee all sorts of great stuff.
     
    Uh..
     
    Flash PSAs with Bionicle characters? You liked those, right? And how about another Bionicle in Under 2 Minutes? How about this time in 4 minutes? Oooh, or how about 1 minute?
     
    And uh
     
    Fanfics? Comedies? Movie spoofs? Text-based RPGs? Self-aware blog entries?
     
    You want it, you've got it.
     
    I will literally probablynot do anything for your cash!
     
    So if you're interested, drop me a line and you could become a great Patron of the Arts today! Put that on your business card. "John Q. Whatsyourface: Patron of the Arts".
     
    $10 000.
     
    Arts.
     
    This message brought to you by the Give SPIRIT Money Definitely-for-Profit Organization Ltd. None of the proceeds will go to charity and there's only a 48% chance of SPIRIT actually using your money to make something creative. All sales are final, refunds will not be honoured. If you are not completely satisfied then go find someone who cares, because they sure ain't here, sister.
  22. SPIRIT

    An Open Letter

    By SPIRIT,

    An open letter to the people who like the things that I do not like:
     
    Get over yourselves! Who do you think you are liking those things? Have you no self-respect? Have you no shame? They say there's no accounting for bad taste, but you take the cake. I bet you even took the worst flavour of cake. You have formed your opinions on incorrect or incomplete information and I lament the waste of humanity that you have become because of it.
     
     
    An open letter to the people who do not like the things that I like:
     
    What's the matter with you? Are you deaf, blind, and completely lacking of all sensory input? How could you not like those things? Did you even try them? Did you even deign to spend an instant of your precious time to gain a greater understanding of the world before retreating into the dank, enclosed prison of familiarity? It's people like you that have been a thorn in the side of true innovators and prevent society from reaching its full potential.
     
    An open letter to the people who like the things I like:
     
    Where do you get off liking the things that I like? Do you think that makes you better than me or even just as good by association? I will have you know that I like the things that I like to a much more appropriate degree than you do. Your varying amounts of interest and disinterest across a variety of subjects have been poorly allocated and your poor management of this has brought ill opinion upon me by association. Perhaps it would be best to reduce any revelations of your opinions on these matters until such time as I can verify your qualifications to do so.
     
     
    An open letter to the people who don't like the things that I don't like:
     
    Keep fighting the good fight, we'll beat them someday!
  23. SPIRIT
    So I was at a party a few weeks back and someone brought some cheese. I was excited because it looked very much like the Camembert cheese I had enjoyed when I spent a year in France, but when I tried some, it didn't taste quite right -- sort of dull and flavourless.
     
    Some Internet research later revealed that the cheese served at the party was Brie cheese. Brie, as it turns out, is virtually indistinguishable from Camembert, with the exception that Camembert has more flavour.
     
    That's when it hit me.
     
    I have become a cheese snob.
     
    I have become THAT guy.
     
     
     
    Edit: Yes, the server burped when I posted this. We've all been there before, guys.
  24. SPIRIT
    I didn't ask for this... I didn't ask for any of this...
     
     
    I didn't want to go back to school, to be a student again.
     
    Writing papers...
     
     
    Cramming for tests...
     
     
    Using public transport with a heavy backpack...
     
     
    I wanted
     
     
     
     
     
     
    To be
     
     
     
     
     
     
    A lumberjack.
     
     
     
    Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The smell of fresh-cut timber!
     
    The crash of mighty trees!
     
    With my best girlie by my side!
     
    We'd sing! Sing! Sing!
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