The day was December 25th, 2002; Christmas Day, if memory serves.

A 12 year old boy who was not yet known as SPIRIT online received Pokémon: Crystal Version as a gift from his parents under the guise of Santa Claus (in order to fool his younger sister into believing that magic and wonder were real). This boy had already played Gold and Silver Versions. Why did he then ask for Crystal, which was effectively the exact same game with only a few changes? Certainly not even he knows...

Regardless, this young boy could not have known the quest he would be sent on because of this so called "gift". Or was it perhaps...

A CURSE?!

For little did the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT know, but one of the new features in Pokémon: Crystal Version was a Battle Tower.

"Gadzooks!" eclaimèd he. For where once there had been a sparse rock-face on the 40th Route of the Region of Johto, there now stood a mighty edifice stretching for the sky, as if to mock Arceus himself. "Perchance I shall return anon upon the completion of mine main campaign storyline," said he prior to embarking upon a seaworthy Pocket Monster and traversing the seas of the 40th and 41st Routes of the Johto Region.

And yea did he return upon the completion of his main campaign storyline. Spake he to the smartly-dressed attendant who said unto he: "thou shalt bringeth with thee only three Pokémon. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt bring, and the number of the bringing shall be three. Four shalt thou not bring, neither bring thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out."

"Fair maiden," replièd he. "Thou shouldst not fret thineself, for verily I say unto thee: I am the Master of the Monsters of the Pocket. Upon mine breast are pinned one score less four badges from the regions of Johto and Kanto. I have defeated the Team of Rockets, the Four who are Elite, and the man who calls himself Red. All have fallen to me and my power, as they shall again this day."

And so the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT chose his mightiest Monsters of the Pocket. Their names and species are lost to history, but the chronicles are quite clear about the use of a Typhlosion (because let's be honest, Fire Types are best types).

The Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT charged into battle with his loyal beast at his side. His Typhlosion that he had raised from a tiny Cyndaquil. His Typhlosion who had been by his side battling every trainer in the game. His Typhlosion who had never lost a fight.

His first opponent sent out a Miltank.

"Ah yes, the Tank of Mil," scoffed the Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT. "My old foe. I have seen your kind before. I know your allegiance to the one called Whitney. I was not afeared then and I am not afeared now! Go! Typhlosion! Use Flamethrower!"

But his opponent simply said, "Miltank! Use Surf!"

It was all over in a matter of seconds. The Boy-Who-Would-Be-Called-SPIRIT had never seen a Miltank so swift. His entire team of champions were taken down by a simple cow. He vowed his revenge that day. He would not be bested by a cow. TYPHLOSION WOULD NOT BE DEFEATED IN VAIN.

Many years would pass and with them, many more Pokémon games would be released, each with its own Battle Tower or an equivalent. Try as he might, The Boy-Who-Was-Finally-Called-SPIRIT failed time after time after time. Every time victory would seem within his grasp, the A.I. would come up with some trick or scheme to pry victory from his grasp.

Eventually, he would learn the existence of the Values of Effort, the Values of the Individual, and the Smogon University Overused and Uber Tier Lists of Pokémon. Yet even with this knowledge it was not enough.

He came close in 2011, when he beat the Battle Subway in the Doubles competition using a rain-based team, but the victory felt hollow. Drizzle Politoed was a very cheap strategy and spamming Surf constantly was no fun. Plus, the true test was to win the Singles competition, not these new fangled Double Battles.

But he did not give up hope.

At long last, a beacon of light in the darkness: Pokémon: Omega Ruby Version made breeding Pokémon a breeze. Improved breeding mechanics, move tutors, and an infinite cycling path just outside the Daycare. This was it. If it was going to happen, it would be here.

It took time to find a well-balanced team, but at long last a team of an Eelektross, a Gengar, and an Aggron holding some Aggronite began to show some promise. Sure, they had their issues losing to unlucky Random Number Generation (one battle they all died to Swagger. SWAGGER!), but they seemed to achieve victory more surely than any other team SPIRIT had used.

Then came the fateful night.

SPIRIT should have been studying for exams, but he had no idea he would get this far. He got past all the trainers, even the one with Legendaries that sometimes appears unfairly at Rank 42. Then he beat Rank 49. He tried not to get too excited. He had been here before and lost many a time. The Battle Chatelaines used powerful Legendary Pokémon and had a surprising amount of luck on their side. Now was not the time for mistakes...

The battle lasted a mere 5 turns.

And when the dust settled...

HE HAD WON!

TEN TRILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! THE DEATH STAR BLEW UP! THE FIRELORD LOST HIS BENDING! MAKUTA GOT MOONED!

Where once sat a man on a couch now sat a true Pokémon Master... on a couch. So impressed with his battling prowess, were the Non Player Characters, that they erected a monument in SPIRIT's honour in the Battle Maison lobby. And trainers from all around would look at it and say, "that's Phil's boy! That's right!"

And with that, his 13 year long quest had ended. He had finally beaten a Battle Tower on Singles (or its most recent equivalent). The Typhlosion from Crystal had long since been deleted when the game cartridge's internal batteries died, but now its spirit was at rest.

And all was well.

tl;dr beat the Battle Maison on Singles. Check it out, yo: ML8W-WWWW-WW3X-8SBV