ARROW404

Sounds good. I put the link to my primary epic earlier on. Also, I'm not doing script writing for Year one, just voice acting.

My reaction to the results: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Alright, fine with the name.

Anyone helping with Bionicle Year 1?

 

I can't script/model/bascially anything code-graphics related other than GIMP on a computer. I'm more of a paper and pencil artist. So, to answer your question, I'm not. But you are right, we can still talk and whatever. Maybe find some other project we can all work on?

 

~BC~

You don't have to do art or anything like that. You could help with the scripts (as in what the characters say... although you did say that you prefer description to dialogue, huh?), or voice act (I volunteered to act for Lewa, Onua, Pohatu, Kopaka, Huki, Jala, Kopeke and Kapura.) and other stuff like that. Anyone up for it?

Oh, one more thing. Anyone up for changing the name to something more fitting now?

Edit: Oh wow, is the deadline already so soon? Nevermind then, I guess.

An interesting and heartwarming ending! I'm afraid that the chapter could have used a lot of work. Why the rushed job?

Hm... Surel's death was touching, but unnecessary... I don't really see why he had to die. He could have undid the creation of the gauntlet... but then the ending wouldn't have been as touching, I guess.

Also, about the epilogue, I think a monologue from just Imperiosus would be nice, kinda like Kallen's monologue at the end of Code Geass. He could be flying over Spherus Magna, seeing the Agori live in peace, and spot a tiny Kirbold leading Surel's pack, maybe aided by Gelu (I think I read that he and Surel were friends).

And why the long masks, guys? This story may be over, but it's not like this is goodbye forever! Maybe we could be in another project together. Anyone helping with Bionicle Year 1?

What else? Well, I'm writing another epic, so if any of you wanna read it, you can read it here.

Anyone have anything else to add?

P.S. ToD, you're a non-denominational Christian? Me too! I just read the thing on the right...

Oh boy, Sure and Kirbold still have one more boss fight left... Well, I hope I won't have to write that part

So what you're saying is that Minar will oppose the release of Imperiosus, then?

Alright, the next chapter is already up! I haven't revealed what the treasure is as of the end of the chapter, so ToD can put what he wants it to be, as he appears to have figured it out already.

I guess so. I made most of them up on the spot, actually... what do you guys want?

I agree that the story ending in a moral would be extremely cliche'd. To tell you the truth, I don't know exactly what I want it to be. It being material or immaterial doesn't matter, but I think it might as well be material, in my opinion. But it won't be spherical... Well, here's all my ideas (I'll put an X next to my favorites):

Details:

One of three treasures- X

The only treasure

Conscious

Not conscious- X

Energized protodermis

Look:

Shield- x

Gauntlet- x

Sphere

Immaterial

Mask

Staff

Shapeshifting object depending on who touches it (or something like that)- x

Creature (goes with "conscious")

Armor

Powers:

Reversal (whatever that means)

Reviving dead beings

GOD powers

Can kill anybody the user wishes to be dead (justifies the security)- x

Doesn't have a power of its own (only works with the one of 3 option)

Has its own power, but also grants another, greater one with the other 2 (3 treasures)- X

Grants you every elemental power in existence

Turns you into an element lord of an element of your choice

Grants a wish (or several)

Grants unlimited knowledge/answers any question/one question- x

The ability to create life- x

Something else... I dunno

And Chronicler, why the long wait?

I dunno, revive dead beings sounds a little anticlimactic, though. Unless there's no revival limit, in which case the high security does make sense...

But as for said twist... does that imply that I shouldn't have them use it in the chapter?

Okay, here's my idea-the 'treasure' is actually their trust/friendship in eachother, and they're actually dead (killed by baterra). To 'escape', they have to somehow leave the underworld...

 

~BC~

 

Well, I had another idea. What one thing have they learned through this adventure? Unity. Does that ring a bell?

 

What if what they find at the end is merely one of three pieces of something greater? Ending the story right here is optional, but I personally love the idea!

 

Let's see what ToD and Xander think, I can't decide which 'treasure' is better.

 

~BC~

Well, here's what Chronicler and I think, what about you other two?

Kehuri, if we use my idea, the treasure won't actually help them escape...I have some plot changes in mind...

 

~BC~

What plan? I haven't gotten the PM yet... And I have to go to bed soon, and school starts Thursday!

Well, I assumed that an Artifact of Doom (like these guardians make it out to be) like this would at the very least allow them to reach the surface ... Right? So "beginning" to escape would be hard unless that thing, like, grants only one wish...

Oh, I know! They're going to find this "treasure", along with an eighth guardian that gives it to them, but this first thing is actually a test of the eighth virtue (heart, humility, or something like that), which is determined by how they use the item. They obviously pass, and the guardian takes them to the very end, where they find the true artifact... that's your chapter.

How does that sound? Of course, I'll add more meat to it.

Alrighty then! Any suggestions are beyond welcome!

Also, I was thinking we might be able to have an epilogue chapter at the very end, like with Imperiosus or Kirbold looking back on the experience. I was planning on doing something like that at the end of my own epic.

Well, I'd rather extend the story for as long as possible, but I doubt we could do that without losing the whole story's plot, so I say we wrap it up just one or two chapters after they get the object.

Aww crud... I ended up having to write about the object at the end? HELP! If anyone has even the slightest idea, suggest it!

I personally would prefer if they just didn't refer to Impreiosus as such, but it's your chapter, so it's up to you.

The attributes that Impreiosus mentioned are:

Speed, cunning, luck, power (which they didn't actually use yet), and wisdom/discernment.

About the latest chapter, i really liked it! Although there was one problem: How did Wisdom and Discernment know that the dragon's name was Imperiosus. That name was given to him by Surel and/or Kirbold, so I doubt the other guardians would refer to him as such. You might want to edit that.

Alright, fine, I just hope the judges don't notice it and remove points for that...

And how's the next chapter coming?

The ending of that chapter could easily have been stretched another paragraph or more if there had been some dialogue. Maybe show the wolves drying off, or something, rather than "Once Kirbold had recovered, they followed the wolves through the tunnel". I admit I've done the same thing before, but that was a long time ago. I want us to do the best we can in this!

Mabe Kirbold could have said something about luck, or something. I know it's a small detail, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. The whole chapter was well constructed, and I enjoyed reading it, but the last sentence was so awfully vague that I couldn't ignore it! I don't want it to stick out to the judges like it did to me, or we'll get points knocked off.

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

 

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

 

I'm really not going to change the ending unless everyone else thinks I should. I don't think it made the story any weaker. And I am indifferent about the name of the team, unless it's something like 'Bioniclechronicler Fails' .

 

~BC~

Well, I'm not sure if the judges will notice a small detail like that, but it they do, it may very well knock some points off from our score. The way I see it, if we make it to first or second place, we'll be established among the top 6 writers in the contest, and we can make a name for ourselves! So I'm determined to make this worthy of the judges' praise!

Well, you see, I'm always stuck in the shadows, scraping with around one review a month on my epic (my past ones didn't have ANY reviews), but if this contest can make me more well known, then maybe I can get some more... you know... prestige. It's not really the fame I like, I just like seing the views on my topics go up, as well as the reviews. I like people telling me what I do right and wrong, so that I can improve on my ways and become a good enough author to finish my book. In a way, this may establish me as selfish, but I really want to win this thing!

Sorry, got a little carried away...

Lol, okay, I'll cut off "The End".

Oh, and sorry about being so critical about the ending of the chapter, but I really want to make this story as good as it can get. I'll try to be nicer about it now. But seriously... it needs to be changed.

Also, Kiotu told me that "Guards of Time" in latin is Aestatis Praesidia... think we should change out name to that?

To put it bluntly, the last sentence was a horrible way to end the chapter. Have them gasp for air a bit and then talk for a moment before continuing onwards!

Aside from that, it was an excellent chapter, though.

Well, I'm afraid I've never heard of that thing Xander mentioned, but I think I get the idea. I just hope that the job of figuring out what the item they are protecting is doesn't fall to me.

Well, it's time for me to write the next one, huh? Here I go!

Aww, I liked the idea that he had been cut off from his wolves

Aw well, there's no helping it now, is there?

As for the subject, all of what Chronicler said could be fine, only I think that the baterra may just be adding a bit too much to the list. They can still be a part of the story, but certainly not a main subject. I don't want Surel to go off looking for five things at once. If the baterra are tied into the story, I think it should be related to the Tuma thing.

Sorry for being so controlling, I'm just trying to make this story as original as I can (more original= better reviews), but I guess I need you guys' approval before making decisions.

Oh, and Chronicler, we decided to go with Follow the Wolves already, although I insist that we don't make it a totally unchangeable fact. Later in the story, one of us may come up with a much fore fitting name, and we may want to change it to that. Get it?

And the latest chapter was kinda short for something that took a full day to write...

Ah, sorry. I should have explained better.

They fell into an underground river and came out in a lake.

Aww crud.

Lol, u did read the chapter, right? Only one wolf fell into the water with him.