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The Search for the Mask of Light


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It has now been over ten years since the BZPower Forums saw the birth of a comedy known as BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light! With 50 chapters, plus an epilogue, it would seem at first that this comedy, also known as simply TSFTMOL to those too lazy to type its full title out over and over again, was quite successful. At first, it was a BIONICLE-themed rendition of Monty Python and the Holy Grail with a lot of elements blatantly stolen from SPIRIT's BIONICLE spoof trilogy, but it become so much more...

However, this so-called "comedy" was terrible.

It was script-style (with the sole exception of the epilogue), had several jokes relating to pie (a joke once funny but now a curse), had even more jokes that were just lame, emotes everywhere, and at least five chapters of pure utter randomness. Although it had a couple diamonds in the rough, these were few and far between. On the whole, it was just a stupid mess written by a complete idiot.

Now, before you go ahead and yell at me for flaming another person's comedy, let me tell you something... If I'm flaming anybody at all, I'm flaming myself, because it was
me! I am the idiot who wrote the lousy piece of trash known as TSFTMOL!

However, in 2007, I considered rewriting TSFTMOL from scratch. This thought might have been inspired by Primis's attempt to rewrite
The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE for similar reasons: to rewrite the comedy in prose format and cut back on a lot of stupid jokes in the original.

Did I succeed?  Well... maybe.  It's written in prose and the worst jokes of the original are left on the cutting room floor, so it is a massive improvement over the original, no doubt.  In that respect, it's successful.  However, is it good enough to qualify as a half-decent comedy?  I suppose that's up for you to decide.  Seven years later, it certainly isn't up to my current standards of writing, and there are a number of jokes (such as Pewku's constant references to food) which haven't aged well, in my opinion.  On top of that, between procrastination and Writer's Block, I never got farther than the beginning of Chapter 18 of what was intended to be a 50-chapter-long story, and I haven't written a single word of it in about five years; unlike
Lost and Found and Lost Again, what I'm posting here is raw and unedited material from 2007-2010.

Still, considering that it was one of countless casualties of the Forum Archives in the 2013 hacking incident, I think it's only fair that it deserves a chance to see the light of day once again.  Who knows?  Maybe you might just find a bit of entertainment in reading this.  And that's what's really important here, right?

And now, I present to you...

The Search for the Mask of Light

Chapter 1
To Carry a Coconut

It was a dark, misty day in the vast desert of Po-Wahi. So dark, so misty, you could barely see five centimeters in front of you.

That is exactly why the special effects designer soon got fired.

"Less on the mist, you dolts!" shouted a LEGO Minifig, who had a gray beard and wore a black hat, black pants, glasses, and an orange vest over a white shirt. "This is Po-Wahi – there's not even supposed to be mist here!" One who looked on the back of his vest would see the LEGO Studios Logo, with the occupation "Director" underneath it. This was the LEGO Director.

The Director sat down, shaking his head, and sipping from a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, as the LEGO Director soon discovered, there was no LEGO piece for coffee, so his LEGO cup piece was merely an empty piece. Disgusted, he set it down on the table. It didn't take long before a LEGO Studios crewmember reported that they were having trouble removing the mist. "What are we going to do, Narrator?" he asked another Minifig, who stood beside him.

Narrator, a Minifig who wore brown clothes and had an oversized mustache, contemplated for a moment. At last, Narrator smiled and tried to snap his fingers, but remembered that LEGO Minifigs don't really have fingers that are good for snapping. Shrugging, he replied to the Director's question. "We could just say that it's a very misty day in Po-Wahi!" he said.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense," muttered Director, rolling his eyes. He stood up and shouted, "Mist does not exist in a desert like Po-Wahi, you moron!"

Narrator frowned. "But Director," he said, "this is a movie; you can do whatever you want in it."

"Oh, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard," dismissed the Director. Suddenly, his eyes brightened. "Hey, I've got an idea! This is a movie; I can do whatever I want in it!"

"But, sir," Narrator reminded, "that was my idea."

"Oh, nonsense, you wouldn't ever come up with such a great idea like that, Narrator!" laughed Director. "Lights! Action! We're going to have a misty day today in Po-Koro!"

Narrator, purely disgusted, sat down and tried to drink some coffee. He, like the Director, soon found that there isn't a LEGO coffee piece in existence. "What am I even doing here?" he asked himself. "Director didn't need a Narrator in this movie, and neither does PeabodySam, since unlike before this is a prose comedy, not a script comedy in which I was needed..."

"What are you talking about?" inquired Director. "What do you mean, 'since unlike before this is a prose comedy, not a script comedy in which you were needed'? There was never a 'before,' and this isn't a prose comedy! This is a movie!"

"Never mind," muttered Narrator. "Just get on with it."

The mist slowly cleared away to reveal Hafu, carving away at a huge sign. He smiled, and looked up at it. "Another Hafu original..." he whispered.

An Ussal Crab and a Ta-Matoran walked over to Hafu and his creation. Of course, the Ta-Matoran was in reality an Av-Matoran, but nobody knew or cared about it then. "Face it," the Ussal complained in a feminine voice, "we're lost, Takua!"

"Would you please stop talking?" pleaded Takua, holding his hands over his ears. "Are you even supposed to be talking?"

Director groaned and walked onto the set. "No, in fact, she's not!" he replied. "Give me your script, Pewku!"

"Fine!" muttered Pewku, and she handed over her script. Director looked at it. It was a mere blank slip of paper.

"Do you see anything on this?" he asked.

"Then should you be saying anything?"
"Um... Yes?"
"You stupid crab! If there's nothing on your script, then you're not supposed to speak in the movie!" the Director shouted. He threw the blank slip of paper on top of Pewku's head, then walked away, muttering to himself.

Takua looked around and noticed Hafu. "Um, excuse me sir," he asked, "but can you direct me to Po-Koro?"

"Just look at the new sign," the Po-Matoran replied, gesturing towards his newest creation. Takua looked at it, and his jaw dropped in awe.

It was a huge statue of Hafu, holding up a sign saying, "Po-Koro in 5 Kilometers. HAFU RULEZ!"

"Wow," whispered Pewku, "that's big."

"I thought I said STOP TALKING!" screamed the Director from off-camera.

Narrator laid a hand on Director's shoulder. "Just let her talk," he said, "after all, it should be easier than to try to convince her not to talk."

"Fine, you may talk," groaned Director; already knowing he was going to regret this.

Hafu smiled and gestured towards the sign. "Wonderful, isn't it? Personally, I like the statue part better than the sign part..."

"Yes," nodded Takua, who began to walk away. "Thank you, err, so very much!" He passed Hafu, who was drooling over the 'beauty' of his own statue, and began to walk for another one kilometer before he decided his feet were tired. Naturally, the Chronicler hopped on top of his steed, Pewku.

"Hey!" cried Pewku, disgusted. "Get off of me! What do you think I am, your steed?"

"Actually..." Takua thought a moment before replying, "Yes, in fact I did."

"Well, GET OFF!" Pewku screamed and threw Takua off her back. Takua landed mask-first in the sand, and as a result began spitting out sand.

"You stupid Ussal Crab," muttered Takua, who had to walk the rest of the way, Pewku following. For the next two kilometers, they were silent, but then Pewku grew restless of the silence and began talking about the different flavors of cheese. By the time they reached Po-Koro, Takua and Director both were regretting letting Pewku talk.

Above the gate rest a huge sign, reading "Po-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" The carver's identity was obvious.

Takua looked up at the wall surrounding the perimeter of Po-Koro. He noticed Hewkii walking up and down it. "Hey, you!" Takua called, pointing at Hewkii.

Hewkii looked down at Takua. "Hey, you!" he replied. "Don't you know that pointing isn't polite?"

Director walked back onto the set. "Hey, you!" Director pointed at Hewkii. "Stick to your lines, bud! I already have plans to fire Pewku for not doing so!"

"Hey, you!" Hewkii retorted, looking at Director. "Don't you also know that pointing isn't polite?"

Director groaned, walking off the set. "What is up with that?" he muttered. "Since when has Hewkii been Mr. Super-Polite? Can't a person point without getting yelled at?"

"So, anyways," Hewkii continued, ignoring the Director's comment, "who are you and what brings you to the gates of Po-Koro?"

"It is I, Takua the Chronicler!" replied Takua, proud of his title.

"Takua the Chronicler..." muttered Hewkii, thinking for a moment. "Oh, I do know you! You were that guy who stole my sandwich!"

"Oh, well," shrugged Takua, who looked rather sheepish. "Anyways, Pewku and I are searching for Matoran to join our company!"

"What will your company be manufacturing?" queried Hewkii.

"No, no, not that type of company," Takua shook his head. "I mean a company that goes around, adventuring and stuff."

"Hold on a second, I'll ask my fellow Matoran," Hewkii replied. He turned around, looked down into Po-Koro, and shouted, "Hey, does anyone want to join some moron Chronicler as part of his stupid company to go around doing random stuff?" No reply. Hewkii shrugged, turned around, looked at Takua, and said, "Sorry, no volunteers. Anything else?"

"Oh, yes," Takua nodded, and reached into a pack that wasn't in the previous clip, and wouldn't be in the next clip (that, my friends, is called a continuity error). He pulled out two coconuts. "I was wondering... are these yours?"

Hewkii narrowed his eyes and bent forward, trying to see what Takua was holding. The Po-Matoran, unfortunately, bent over so much that he fell over the side of the Po-Koro gates and fell promptly on the sand in front of Takua. Muttering to himself, he looked at the coconuts and took them from Takua's hands. "No, these are not mine," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, because I found them out there in the desert!" replied Takua.

"Erm, Takua," Pewku whispered, nudging the Ta-Matoran with her claw, "you didn't find them, I found them."

"Oh, shut up!" muttered Takua.

"Hold on, you found these out in Po-Wahi?" asked Hewkii.

"Yes, in fact we did!" nodded Takua.

"Po-Wahi, the coconut-free region?" inquired Hewkii, raising an eyebrow (well, he would've if BIONICLE characters had eyebrows). "How on Mata Nui's name could they end up there?"

Takua shrugged. "I don't know, perhaps they were carried here by a Kewa?"

Director glanced at the script and shook his head. "Takua, you moron," he muttered. "The script says 'Gukko,' not 'Kewa!' The Kewa is not even canon anymore! Sure, it appeared in MNOLG and Tales of the Tohunga - "

"Erm, Director?" Narrator interrupted. "Don't you know that the game 'Tales of the Tohunga' is now supposed to be referred to as 'Quest for the Toa'?"

Director flung his hands in the air. "Whatever! Sure, the Kewa appeared in MNOLG and Tales – erm, Quest for the Toa, but after that it became non-canon! Now, we're going to end up with a lawsuit on our hands!"

"I don't know," replied Hewkii, scratching his head. "The Kewa is a relatively small bird, and with the size and weight of the coconut and the strength of wind velocity..."

Another Po-Matoran named Ally poked his head over the Po-Koro wall. "Hello!" he cried. "Who's down there?"

"It's me," Hewkii replied, looking up at Ally, "along with Takua the Chronicler and his moron crab named Pewku!"

"I am NOT a moron!" screamed Pewku. "I know what E=MC2 means!"

"Alright," Ally replied, arms crossed, "what does it mean?"

"Elephants are Equal to Morons eating Cheese shaped in Squares!" Pewku said proudly.

"Now," muttered Director, shaking his head, "not only will we have a Maori lawsuit on our hands, soon we'll have an Albert Einstein lawsuit on our hands for insulting his logic completely!"

"The Chronicler brings up a good question," Hewkii continued, holding up the coconuts. "How can a Kewa carry these coconuts to Po-Wahi?"

Ally shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Perhaps if a Kewa had made the coconut lightweight by hollowing out the interior... no, Kewa don't know how to do that."

"Any other ideas?" asked Hewkii.

"Um, guys?" Takua asked, but was promptly ignored.

"Suppose if two Kewa carried the same coconut..." pondered Ally.

"Are you two just going to contemplate Kewa and coconuts all day?" screamed Takua.

"Well, actually... yes," Hewkii nodded.

"That's it," muttered Takua, and he turned and began to leave. "Pack your things, Pewku, we're leaving!"

Pewku walked after him, inquiring just what to pack, since they didn't bring anything with them besides the coconuts. All the while, Hewkii and Ally were trying to figure out just how could a Kewa carry a coconut from Le-Wahi or Ga-Wahi all the way to Po-Wahi.


Comments appreciated. Constructive criticism encouraged. Spam given to the vikings. Flaming given to the pyromaniacs.

Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: this chapter mentions The Story of Frosam, a BIONICLE Epic that I had written for BZPower in 2006. All you really need to know in order to understand the reference is that the titular character has a drill called the "Quake Staff".


Chapter 2
The Great Mine

Two Onu-Matoran, namely Damek and Kaj, carried an Ussal Cart through the village of Onu-Koro, bringing it towards the Great Mine. Or rather, Kaj was carrying it, for Damek was just walking a few meters in front of the cart. He snapped his fingers as he listened to "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haa!" by Napoleon XIV on his I-Pod. This was his favorite song for one main reason – because it described his job.

Working in the Great Mine was a hard task. Not only did you have to worry about magma, flooding, landslides, instability, extreme pressure, YAHOO! and Google billboards, Rock Monsters who somehow teleported from the LEGO Rock Raiders line to BIONICLE, and Rahi attacks, but working down there for prolonged periods of time could literally drive one nuts. And that indeed happened quite a lot.

For that reason, it was Damek's and Kaj's job to go around in the Great Mine, load the crazy Onu-Matoran onto the Ussal Cart, and bring them over to the local insane asylum. Of course, there wasn't a local insane asylum, so instead Kaj and Damek would dump the insane into Whenua's hut.

Upon entering the Great Mine, which one could recognize thanks to the sign that read as "Great Mine. HAFU RULEZ!", carved by Hafu himself, Kaj took a hammer and hit it into the Ussal Cart, which created a loud clanging noise that would grab attentions of the Onu-Matoran, which would soon be followed by Damek's saying, "Bring out yer crazy!" It was only a short matter of time before Onu-Matoran were being hauled into the Ussal cart to be taken to the insane asylum.

Azibo soon walked over to the cart, carrying Aiyetoro over his shoulder. "Hello," he said to Damek, "may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," nodded Damek. "What is it?"

Azibo gestured to the Onu-Matoran miner over his shoulder. "Aiyetoro here, he's not quite crazy, but..."

"I'M NOT CRAZY YET!" shouted Aiyetoro.

"I was wondering if maybe you could, well, hold on to him until he does go crazy," concluded Azibo.

Damek scratched his chin. "Hmm," he replied, "I don't know, since he's not quite crazy..."

"I'M GETTING BETTER!" shouted Aiyetoro.

"But, it's only a matter of time before he does go crazy!" insisted Azibo. "Why can't you take him now?"

"Alright," nodded Damek. "We can take him, but it's going to cost you extra."

"I'M NOT CRAZY YET!" shouted Aiyetoro, a huge smile on his face. "I'M FEELING HAPPY..."

"Oh, shut it!" muttered Kaj, who whacked Aiyetoro on the head with the hammer, instantly knocking the Onu-Matoran out.

"It seems fair," nodded Azibo, handing Damek his Discover Credit Card. Kaj loaded Aiyetoro onto the Ussal Cart, and he and Damek began to continue their patrol.

Suddenly, a Ta-Matoran (once again, he's really an Av-Matoran but nobody cares) riding an Ussal passed the two of them, the Ussal talking about barrels of flies and balls of glue.

"Hey, would you look at them," whispered Damek to his partner, pointing at the Ta-Matoran.

Takua looked back at Damek. "It isn't polite to point," he scolded, then continued walking his way.

Although nobody noticed, off-camera the Director scowled at this comment.

"Must be a Ta-Matoran," Kaj replied.

"How'd you know?"

"Because he's not crazy."

Okay, maybe Kaj may be right about the Ta-Matoran part, but he was sort of wrong about the assumption that Takua wasn't crazy. Oh, wait, he was wrong about the Ta-Matoran part too, because Takua really is an Av-Matoran.

Takua and Pewku continued walking until they came across an Onu-Matoran named Zemya, who stopped them in their path. "Yo, dudes," he whispered, a sly grin on his face, "wanna buy a watch?"

"Sorry," Takua replied, pushing his way past the Onu-Matoran trader, "not interested."

"And second of all," Pewku scolded, shaking her claw at Zemya, "I'm a dudette, not a dude!"

Nuparu and Taipu strode over to them. "Just ignore Zemya," Nuparu advised. "He's always trying to sell fake watches to unsuspecting Matoran. Of course, his plans only work on Onu-Matoran, because we're the only ones who can't use the inexpensive sundials."

"Ah, I see," nodded Takua.

"Hey," Taipu suggested, "while you're here, Chronicler, do you want to see a demonstration of mining?"

"Sure," agreed Takua. That was a huge mistake on Takua's part.

"Okay," smiled Taipu. "Now, mining is the least boring job in the world! Now, watch!"

Taipu spent the next ten hours and a half talking about the different drills and their different uses. Takua could barely keep his eyelids open, and Pewku had already succumbed to sleep.

As it would turn out, Taipu got sued for taking the LEGO Rock Raiders' drills in this demonstration. Taipu directed the lawsuit over to the Director, and so the Director got sued. He got sued again when Frosam, from the BZPower Epic The Story of Frosam, realized that his Quake Staff was also in the demonstration. That, plus a Maori Lawsuit and an Albert Einstein Lawsuit, deprived the Director of so much money that production for The Search for the Mask of Light came to an abrupt halt.


Six months later...

"Finally!" Director smiled. "We did it, Narrator! We did it! We got enough money to put The Search for the Mask of Light back into production!"

Narrator began to nod, but suddenly glared at Director. "Hey! What do you mean 'we' got enough money? You practically stole every dollar in my banking account, while you didn't pay anything at all!"

Director ignored the Narrator. "And action!"


Taipu noticed that his audience was either falling asleep or already asleep. "Wake up!" he shouted, "Both of you! You're going to miss the most exciting part of mining!"

Takua rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, sure," he muttered. "Mining is very exciting..."

"Now, this is how you mine," Taipu instructed. "Take a drill, pick, or even your hand, and do this." He grabbed the Quake Staff (despite already getting the Director sued because of that), began digging with it, and promptly got sprayed ten kilometers into the air by a geyser that erupted from where he was digging. He fell down the ten kilometers and landed flat on his face.

Takua clapped, and Pewku cheered. "Wow!" smiled Takua. "That was the most exciting and amazing feat I've ever seen!"

Taipu groaned and got up, shaking from the pain. "Yeah... sure... thank... you..." he whispered.

Nuparu walked over, chuckled, and put his hand on Takua's shoulder. "Yep, that's Taipu," he smiled. "So, are you going to help us mine or what?"

"Well," Takua replied, "actually, I was wondering if anybody here wanted to join my company."

"Hold on," Nuparu replied, "I'll ask!" He cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted, "Hey, does anyone want to join some moron Chronicler as part of his stupid company to go around doing random stuff?"

Taipu's eyes brightened, he raised his hand, and began shouting, "Ooh, ooh, me, me, me! Pick me!"

Nuparu ignored Taipu and looked at Takua. "Sorry, no volunteers. Plus, you should start mining. It's better than Chronicling, anyways... Chronicling is boring, it's stupid, it's annoying..."

"WHAT?!?" screamed Takua. He walked over to a wall and scooped up some dirt in his hand.

"Oh, you're mining!" smiled Nuparu. "Great job! Though, perhaps you shouldn't use your hands, perhaps you should use a drill or a pick instead."

"You want mining?" hissed Takua. "I'll give you mining!" With that, he threw the dirt at Nuparu, punched him, and walked away, grumbling. Sure enough, Pewku followed him.

"Ow!" cried Nuparu. He pointed an accusing finger at the fleeing Ta-Matoran. "Did you see that? Did you see what he did? I'm going to sue that moron of a Chronicler!"

Taipu looked at Nuparu pointing at Takua. "Don't you know that pointing isn't polite?" he scolded.

Off-camera, Director fidgeted a little in his seat.
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Remember how I said that these would be "raw" and "unedited" from when I wrote them back in 2007? I lied. I will be making small touch-ups and minor adjustments, mainly regarding formatting and occasionally grammar. Nothing nearly as involved as my full revision of Lost and Found and Lost Again, but just to make it a little more readable.


Chapter 3
The Path to Ta-Koro

Pewku and Takua continued to walk through the Great Mine. Zemya stopped them again, and once again whispered to them, "Hey, dudes, wanna buy a watch?" Takua just ignored the Onu-Matoran trader, but Pewku once again scolded Zemya for saying "dudes" when she was a "dudette". Damek, Kaj, and the Ussal Cart filled with insane Matoran could not be found, because they were now off duty.

Eventually, Takua and Pewku finally left the Great Mine altogether and ended up in Onu-Koro. The weird Onu-Koro theme from MNOLG can be heard in the background, but above that, one can hear the insane laughter of many crazy Onu-Matoran, coming from the direction of Whenua's Hut. In fact, Whenua was not inside his hut, but ever-so-politely, ever-so-quietly asking Damek and Kaj to find a different place to dump the insane.

"YOU FIND A DIFFERENT PLACE TO PUT THOSE INSANE MATORAN, YOU MORONS! YOU HEAR ME?" screamed Turaga Whenua as he whacked Damek and Kaj repetitively in the back with his Drill of Onua, the two Onu-Matoran guards screaming in pain.

Then again, I suppose that Whenua wasn't ever-so-politely, ever-so-quietly asking them.

Takua and Pewku walked past this sight, not even noticing the spectacle. They headed for the Onu/Ta/Le-Koro Highway, the tunnel that which would lead them to Ta-Koro or Le-Koro. "So, where do you want to go?" asked Pewku.

"Ta-Koro," replied Takua. "Le-Koro is just too swampy and full of bugs!"

"So, it's off to Le-Koro?"

"You imbecile."

They trekked down the tunnel to Ta-Koro. It wasn't long before the sounds of battle could be heard from a bit farther up ahead. "A battle," whispered Pewku, even though it was plainly obvious that there was a battle up ahead. Suddenly, the Ussal Crab turned around and began to head back to Onu-Koro.

"Pewku!" called Takua. "Where the Karzahni do you think you are going?!?"

"To Onepu's hut!" replied Pewku, already several meters away. "There's something I want to get before we see the battle!"


Director groaned and tried to sip his coffee again, but forgot that there isn't a LEGO coffee piece made yet. Grumbling about this, he put his head in his hands and muttered, "That's it. Next time I make a movie, it will be starring an Ussal Crab other than that Puku!"

"It's Pewku," corrected the Narrator.

"What's the difference?"

"Spelling. You said P-U-K-U, which is Pewku's original name, but is no longer canon. Her current name is P-E-W-K-U, which is what I said."

Wow, the Director could not help but think, he's good! "How'd you know I said Puku and not Pewku?"

The Narrator smiled. "Because I'm the narrator, that's why! I can see the spellings of every word in this BZPower comedy!"

"Wait a second," Director's eyes narrowed, "what do you mean 'BZPower comedy?' This is a movie, not some comedy on a BIONICLE Fan Website!"

Narrator rolled his eyes. "I wonder," he muttered, "am I the only one who is both in the Script and Prose forms of this comedy?"


An hour later, Pewku returned, smiling more than her crab mouth could support. As a result, the piece that made up her lower jaw fell off and landed in the dirt. She picked it up, reconnected it, and held up a box of Movie Theater Popcorn. "What good is a show without snacks?" she smiled, quoting Takadox from the book Prisoners of the Pit. As a result, the Director got sued... again.

"Okay, whatever," nodded Takua, "let's go."

He and the Ussal Crab, munching on popcorn, continued walking down the Onu/Ta/Le-Koro Wahi. When they reached the fork in the tunnel, they were disappointed to find that there was no cake to eat it with. Okay, okay, I know! Lame joke! Bear with me, okay?


"Who the Karzahni writes this stuff?" muttered Director, reading the above paragraph. Of course, he didn't say "Karzahni," he said something else that I took the liberty of censoring for you young kiddies.

"That would be me," the Narrator replied. "Even though I'm not directly speaking like I was in the Script comedy, I still narrate through that."

"Alright, whatever," Director frowned. "Prove it."

Okay, I'll prove it! I just did!

"Okay," blinked Director. "That is... abnormally creepy..."


When they reached the fork in the tunnel, Takua took the tunnel that had the sign that read as "Ta-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" Pewku took the tunnel that had the sign that read as "Le-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" Obviously, Hafu carved both signs.

"Pewku!" hissed Takua. "Where are you going?!?"

"To Le-Koro, of course!" replied the Ussal Crab.

"But you want to see that battle, right?" reminded the Ta-Matoran. "The battle is on the way to Ta-Koro!"

Pewku stopped in her tracks. "Ooooooh yeeeeeaaaahhh," she smiled. "I forgot about that! Hold on, I'm coming!"

She turned around and returned to the fork in the tunnel. She was lost for a moment, trying to figure out which way Takua went. It was only after reading the signs that she decided that Takua must've gone down the tunnel with the sign reading "Ta-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" instead of the tunnel with the sign that read as "Onu-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" So, she decided to go that way. Sure enough, she met up with Takua.

"There you are," muttered Takua. "Only took you about ten minutes!"

"Ten minutes?" repeated Pewku. "Wow, that's a speed record! Hold on a moment!" She set down the popcorn box, took out a notebook, and wrote in it, "RECORD TIME: 10 MINUTES." "Before that," she said proudly, "my record was 35 minutes!"

"Oh, dear," whispered Takua. "I guess I'm a bit lucky..."

A bit more walking, and soon they found what they were looking for – Onua Nuva and Kopaka Nuva were engaged in a heated combat. It also happened to be that they were fighting near a gorge. Onua's Quake Breakers clashed with Kopaka's Ice Blades, sending sparks (must... resist... urge... to... make... lame... Rock Raiders... joke) flying in the air.

"Man," questioned Takua, "I wonder what in Mata Nui's name are they fighting about?"

As if in answer, Onua shouted, "YOU-" Onua slammed his Quake Breakers onto Kopaka's Ice Shield, "–STOLE-" Kopaka pushed back, "–MY-" Onua brought them down again, knocking Kopaka down to the ground, "-WALLET!"

"For the last time, Onua," Kopaka replied, while trying to hide a wallet he was holding, "I did not steal your wallet!"

"Oh, yes you did!" Onua retorted, and pointed to the wallet that Kopaka was hastily hiding. "There it is, there!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kopaka insisted, still trying to hide the wallet, "and plus, pointing isn't polite, even if you're pointing at an inanimate object!"

Off-camera, the Director's eye twitched slightly.

"Whatever!" Onua hissed. The Toa Nuva of Earth grabbed the wallet and shoved Kopaka over the edge of the gorge.

"I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaack..." Kopaka called, quoting The Terminator. Another lawsuit for the Director.

Onua rubbed his hands together and watched with satisfaction as Kopaka fell. "Well, that's that," he smiled. He grabbed his Quake Breakers and stood in the tunnel, looking at Takua and Pewku.

"Aw, man!" Pewku frowned. "The fight's over, and I've still got some popcorn left!"

Takua casually walked over to Onua. "Hey, Onua!" he greeted, waving at the Toa. "How are you?"

"..." was Onua's reply.

"I see you are stronger than that Kopaka!"


"Pushing him down a gorge! What a feat!"


"Erm, you have great strength!"


"Would you like to join my company?"


"Live long and prosper!" Takua then did the Vulcan hand sign from Star Trek.

"Cool!" smiled Onua. "You watch Star Trek?"

For having a movie talking about Star Trek, without the permission of the guys who made Star Trek, Director got sued yet again.

"Well, anyways, will you join my company?"


"Well, I'll just pass..."

Takua attempted to walk around Onua, but the Toa Nuva of Earth blocked his path. "No, you will not pass!" he insisted.

"Begging your pardon?" Takua questioned, confused.

"You were rude to my people," Onua explained. "You threw mud at Nuparu, then promptly punched him in the face! On top of that, you insulted mining! I cannot let you pass, Chronicler, until you learn to be nice to my people and their way of life, sorry!"

"Wait, how could you know that? I mean, it was only a few minutes ago, and there's no way you could've found out in that period of time!"

Onua thought for an hour, then shrugged. "Plot hole," was his answer.

Takua was getting a bit aggravated, so when he spoke again, there was a bit of impatience in his voice. "Just let me go!"

"No, I cannot!" insisted Onua. "I'm staying here, and I won't let you pass!"

"Are you asking for a fight?" Takua queried.

Behind him, Pewku grabbed her popcorn. "Oh, joy, there's going to be another fight!" she smiled, already throwing popcorn in her mouth.

"No," replied Onua, "for I cannot harm those that which I have sworn to protect, even though sometimes I wish that I could."

"So, you can't hurt me, no matter what I do?" asked Takua. When Onua nodded, Takua smiled. "Cool!"

He began kicking Onua repetitively in the shin. Then, Takua took out the axle pieces that connected his arms and legs to his torso piece. Onua, robbed of his limbs, promptly fell down the gorge.

"Chicken!" called Takua to the falling form of Onua. He bent down on one knee and whispered, "Mata Nui, forgive me for doing that. He had it coming, anyways." Takua got up and looked at Pewku. "Come on, Pewku, let's go to Ta-Koro."

As they walked past the gorge, Pewku could not help but look down the gorge, and wonder if they had truly seen the last of Onua. If they saw Onua again, would he have his revenge?

Nah, dismissed Pewku, walking away. There are more important things to think about. For example, thinking about how fun it is to dance upside-down. Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: when BIONICLE Heroes was first released back in 2006, Lavaside Rahi started a joke campaign to stop players from torturing and/or killing the cute little innocent Fikou spiders that appear as NPCs.


Chapter 4
Makuta Servant Trials

Word from Po-Koro about the Kewa-carrying-a-coconut mystery had reached the gates of Ta-Koro. This interested Toa Tahu Nuva very much, so he took it upon himself to figure it out.

Five minutes later, he threw the coconut on the ground and whacked the Kewa with his Magma Swords repetitively out of frustration. "I CAN'T DO IT!" he bellowed angrily.

Tahu's mood wasn't helped by the fact that a nearby Turahk kept on swinging pots and pans together, creating loud noises.


"Just who let that Turahk on the set?" asked Director. He looked back at a slip of paper. "He's not on the Cast List! Who is he?"

Narrator shrugged. "We don't know. Apparently, he is a Turahk, but everyone refers to him as 'Loud-Noise Turahk.' For that reason, he was banished by his father, Makuta, so he just hangs around with the Toa Nuva often. He is also capable of speaking. He isn't evil – just very annoying."

"Am I going to regret that last fact?"

Yes... you most certainly are.

"Can you stop speaking... you know, like that, when you're speaking to me?"





"WOULD YOU QUIET DOWN?" screamed Tahu.

"Okay, okay," muttered Turahk, putting down his pots and pans. "Sheesh. You just have to rob me of my favorite hobby, don't you?"

"In fact I do," replied Tahu, nodding. "That's my hobby."

"Ugh," groaned Turahk. "Now I can see why Kopaka always thought you so irritating."

Suddenly, a mob of angry Ta-Matoran, led by Jaller, stormed out of Ta-Koro and headed for the Charred Forest, carrying torches and pitchforks and shouting at the top of their lungs. As soon as they came, they were gone.

"Okay," blinked Turahk. He looked at the Toa Nuva of Fire. "What was all that about?"

Tahu shrugged, not entirely sure of it himself.


Finally, the Chronicler and the Ussal found Ta-Koro, which was evident, thanks to the sign reading as "You are now leaving the Onu/Ta/Le-Koro Highway. Welcome to Ta-Koro. HAFU RULEZ!" Takua and Pewku, both weary from traveling, emerged into Ta-Koro from the Onu/Ta/Le-Koro Highway, expecting to find it bustling with life.

They were both surprised to find it empty, without a Matoran in sight. Actually, there was the Ta-Matoran named Keahi, who was lying on the ground, trampled by the mob that ran out of Ta-Koro, but he doesn't count. Nobody cared about him anyway.

"Where is everybody?" asked Takua.

"I don't know," replied Pewku.

"You know," muttered Takua, "that was a rhetorical question, since I wasn't expecting an answer from anyone anyways." He and Pewku began to search Ta-Koro for its inhabitants, not counting poor old trampled Keahi lying on the ground.


It was only a matter of moments before the Ta-Matoran population rushed out of the Charred Forest. In the lead this time was Kapura, whose mask was pitted in appearance and in brown and black colors. Jaller was right behind him, holding a Kraata and a Nintendo DS in his hands. The Ta-Matoran mob stopped in front of Tahu and Turahk.

Jaller shoved Kapura towards them and walked up to Tahu, holding the Kraata and Nintendo DS up high in his hands. "Toa Tahu Nuva," greeted the Captain of the Guard, "we present to you... a Makuta Servant!"

"A Makuta Servant!" the mob of Ta-Matoran said in unison.

"Do you have proof that this is a servant of Makuta?" requested Turahk.

"First of all," Jaller replied, pointing at Kapura's mask, "he has an infected mask, see?"

Kapura glared at Jaller. "First off," he said, "it's not an infected mask – it's spray-painted! For another thing, pointing ain't polite, you know!"

Director muttered something under his breath.

"Second of all," Jaller continued, "we found this Kraata Vo by him!"

"Oh, come on!" Kapura interjected. "I had never seen this Kraata before in my life!"

"I," the Vo added, "just was in that Charred Forest because I heard some rumor that if you watched Kapura practicing for some time in MNOLG he does something very interesting and I wanted to know if he did it in real life!"

"Third of all," Jaller continued, "he was playing BIONICLE Heroes on his Nintendo DS, and he had the cheat 'Makuta Mode' activated!"


"That is all the proof you need to say that Kapura here is a Makuta Servant!" Jaller concluded.

"A Makuta Servant!" the Ta-Matoran mob said in unison.

Turahk and Tahu traded glances. "Normally," Tahu replied, "I would ask for Vakama's advice, but Vakama is not here with us right now. He is out, testing some new weapon or another... he said something about a staff that makes things explode... Anyways, Kapura, what have you to say on the contrary?"

"I'll say what I said before," replied Kapura. "First of all, it's not an infected mask – it's spray-painted!"

"Not true!" insisted Jaller, arms crossed and his foot tapping impatiently. "Not true at all!"

Vohon raised his hand. "Well, actually," interjected the Ta-Matoran trader, "recently I ran out of brown and black spray paint cans, and as a result they have been out of stock."

"Okay, okay," Jaller admitted, "I confess that Kapura's mask is spray-painted." The Captain of the Guard's expression was sheepish.

"Second of all," Kapura continued, "that Kraata and I have never met before!"

"Well, that can't be proven," muttered Jaller.

"Third of all, like I said, BIONICLE HEROES IS JUST A NON-CANON GAME, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" concluded Kapura.

"That is true, kinda, sorta," Turahk nodded.

Tahu raised his Magma Swords in the air. "We are not exactly sure whether or not this here Matoran is a Makuta Servant or not."

"A Makuta Servant!" the Ta-Matoran mob said in unison.

"Do all of you say that every time we say the words, 'a Makuta Servant'?" asked Turahk.

"A Makuta Servant!" the Ta-Matoran mob said in unison.

"I guess you do," shrugged Turahk.

"We need more proof to discover whether or not Kapura is guilty of being a Makuta Servant," Tahu continued.

"A Makuta Servant!" the Ta-Matoran mob said in unison.

Turahk glanced at Tahu, his expression asking for him to find a way to make the Ta-Matoran mob stop saying that.

Tahu gave a sly grin, realizing how to get them to stop. "The next Ta-Matoran to say the words 'a Makuta Servant' will be accused of being a Makuta Servant!" he announced.

"A Makuta-" the Ta-Matoran mob began in unison, but when they realized Tahu's threat, they wisely stopped.

Tahu smiled in satisfaction. "So, tell me," Tahu asked the mob, "just what do Makuta Servants do?"

"Evil stuff!" the Ta-Matoran mob said in unison.

"Good. Now, name one very evil thing that Makuta Servants are known for doing all the time?" Tahu quizzed the crowd. The Jeopardy theme began playing in the background.

"Destroy stuff?" guessed Tiribomba.

"Awaken evil things?" assumed Maglya.

"Create Google and YAHOO! billboards?" inquired Agni.

Tahu shook his head, replying, "No, no, and maybe but not what I was looking for!"

More Ta-Matoran made guesses, but they were all given the answer "No."


After an hour of searching, Takua and Pewku gave up. "They're gone!" exclaimed Takua. "I blame you, Pewku!"

"What did I do?" queried the Ussal Crab.

"Exist. Your presence here everyone annoyed everyone, and they left!" accused Takua.

"No, it did not!" retorted Pewku.

They two of them continued to argue as they left the Ta-Koro gates. They were surprised at the sight they saw.

Tahu Nuva and a Turahk were standing near the gates, but not facing them. Instead, they were facing Kapura, whose mask appeared to be infected, and Jaller, who was holding a Kraata and a Nintendo DS. The entire Ta-Matoran population was behind Kapura and Jala, making guesses on something.

"What in Mata Nui's name are they doing?" asked Takua, even as another Ta-Matoran in the mob, Aodhan, guessed, "Attack Koro with Kikanalo!"

Takua's answer conveniently came as Tahu's reply was, "No, that's not something that Makuta Servants do!"

"Set innocent little Fikou on fire!" was Takua's reply.

Tahu, the Turahk, and all the Ta-Matoran looked at him. "Yes, exactly!" nodded Tahu. "Very well done, Chronicler!" He looked back at the Ta-Matoran population. "Now, how do we find out whether or not Kapura is a Makuta Servant, now that we know what Makuta Servants do?"

"Take a Fikou," Jaller replied, reciting from The Code Guidelines on What to Do at Makuta Servant Trials, "give Kapura a torch, and see what he does."

The Ta-Matoran mob had to go find a Fikou they were going to use. In order to so, one must go to Le-Wahi and find one. However, there were no volunteers to do the job of hunting for one. As a result, they had to draw straws. The problem with that was that there were no LEGO or BIONICLE straws in existence. They had to go invade Planet Slizer, kidnap a Slizer/Throwbot, bring it to Ta-Koro, and rob it of its axle pieces. Ignoring the angry wails of the Slizer/Throwbot, they gathered the axles, and Tahu had them all in his hand. He told the Ta-Matoran to grab an axle each.

Another problem was encountered – there weren't enough axle pieces. As a result, they had to go back to Planet Slizer, kidnap more Slizer/Throwbots, rob them of their axle pieces, and add them to the collection they had. At last, they had enough axles. Ignoring the threats of a lawsuit by the axle-less forms of the Slizer/Throwbots, the Ta-Matoran each grabbed an axle. As it turned out, Agni got the shortest axle – a ½ Axle. This doesn't make sense and isn't possible by all accounts, but somehow he got one. Don't ask me how, but what matters is that he got one.

A few hours later, and Agni had not yet returned with the Fikou. Maglya was sent to search for Agni, assigned to search every centimeter of the jungle for him. This time, Maglya was picked not because he drew the shortest axle – he was chosen simply because Tahu hated him. Of course, as it turned out, just a minute after Maglya left for Le-Wahi, Agni returned with a Fikou, which meant that Maglya would have to search every centimeter of Le-Wahi and never find Agni.

"A perfect specimen!" smiled Tahu. He picked up the spider-like Rahi and placed it in front of Kapura.

Kapura looked down at the Fikou. He started to pet the little spider. "Oh, Mata Nui, such a cute little Fikou," he whispered.

The Fikou chirped happily.

"Now, as for the experiment," Tahu muttered, grabbing an unlit torch. He attempted to light it with his powers, but unfortunately the result was instead that the entire torch was set on fire. Tahu threw that one away, grabbed a second unlit torch, lit a match, and lit the torch. He handed the torch to Kapura and stood back.

Kapura's hands trembled. "Must... resist... urge..." he whispered. He couldn't hold it back, and set the Fikou on fire. While the Fikou screeched in pain, he dropped the torch in shock. "No fair!" he cried. "I'm a pyromaniac! I couldn't resist!"

But Tahu didn't care, and neither did the Ta-Matoran population. "A Makuta Servant!" they cried happily, and dragged Kapura off.

Kapura would survive the experience, no doubt, but he got sued for setting a Fikou on fire. Who sued him? Lavaside Rahi, of course! Everyone knows that he hates BIONICLE Heroes because they torture Fikou in it, and he even started the Save the Fikou campaign!

Back to Ta-Koro, after the Ta-Matoran population led Kapura away, Takua and Pewku walked over to the figures of Tahu Nuva and Turahk. "Ah, you, Chronicler," nodded Tahu, "how did you come to learn what Makuta Servants like to do all the time?"

"Chronicling does have its uses," shrugged Takua. "Anyways, I know that the entire Ta-Matoran population just left, but may I ask – is there anyone here willing to join my company?"

Tahu and Turahk traded glances. Turahk nodded at Tahu, Tahu shook his head at Turahk.

But, Turahk spoke first. "We would be honored," he said, "to be part of your company, Chronicler!"

Tahu sighed and sat down, head in his hands.


After a bit more of his traveling, three more important figures and one not-so-important figure joined Takua's company. They are as follows:

Toa Pohatu Nuva, the brave Toa Nuva of Stone.

Toa Gali Nuva, the pure Toa Nuva of Water.

Toa Lewa Nuva, the Toa Nuva of Air who is not as brave as Pohatu, who nearly escaped the battle of Archives Moles, was beaten up in the war of the Bohrok, and personally scared himself at the siege of Colony Drones.

Last but certainly least, Toa Notappearinginthiscomedy Nuva, the Toa Nuva who does not appear in this comedy.

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For context: Mata Nui's dialogue makes more sense if you remember that this was written in 2007, before Mata Nui's canon appearance was revealed in 2008 (and before he was released as a set the following year).


Chapter 5
Danger at Kini-Nui

More traveling awaited Takua and his newly created company. It didn't take long before they realized that they were simply lost and wandering around for no apparent reason. Of course, they hadn't realized this until they found Maglya, who was still wandering Le-Wahi, looking for Agni. Gali had suggested that they take Maglya with them, but Tahu quickly objected. Nonetheless, they knew that they were lost.

"So, where do you suggest we go, Chronicler?" questioned Pohatu.

Takua quickly grabbed a book that which had a picture of Mata Nui, Lewa Nuva, and the faces of three Piraka on the cover. He flipped through the pages, then stopped on page 79. "I know!" he smiled. "Let's go to Destral!"

"Hold on," Turahk said, raising his hand. "There is something I must warn you about Destral..."

"And what is that?" Takua asked.
Turahk's answer was by pulling over a television set, throwing a tape into the VCR, and turning on the television.

The video they saw was horribly disturbing. Makuta, Rahkshi, Exo-Toa, Kraata, Fohrok, Google and YAHOO! Billboards, and infected Rahi alike were all dancing and singing a song loosely based off of "Knights of the Round Table" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, only here it was called "Makuta of the Brotherhood".

Takua, after watching this disturbing video, decided, "On second thought, let's not go to Destral... it's a dreadfully silly place."

"So, it's more aimless-dumb wandering?" Lewa asked.

Takua nodded grimly. "Yes. More 'aimless-dumb' wandering."


A good many hours later, Takua, Pewku, Tahu, Turahk, and the rest arrived at Po-Wahi. They had taken but a few steps before the ground began to tremble violently. "I DIDN'T DO IT!" was all that Pohatu shouted before he lost his balance and fell face-flat into the sand.

The rest of Takua's company followed suit, save Pewku, who said, "I DIDN'T DO IT!" She didn't actually mean to say this, but thanks to me messing around with the spelling, she ended up saying that. Being the Narrator rocks, I tell you, ROCKS, even though sometimes you're naught but a disembodied voice. But, I tell you, Narrator is the best job available in this dumb comedy, and I do such a good job at it! And plus, Narrator is rather important, because without a Narrator, a story would be nothing but dialogue! I wonder why I'm not the one that gets the highest salary on the payroll...

"Get on with-" Director began to shout, but he was cut off by a much deeper, much louder, much more ominous voice than his.


Sheesh, sorry!

A crevice opened up in the sand, sand falling down into it. This was followed by the sound of spitting from below, which in turn was followed by the voice shouting, "STUPID SAND, GOT IN MY MOUTH!"

Out from the sands rose a mighty figure - the color of marble, the shape of an oval, and at least fifty stories high (breaking a hole into the ceiling of LEGO Studios), this mighty figure... was a rock. But it was a rock, that which was carved into the familiar Mata Nui statue. "TAKUA!" boomed the giant statue, addressing the Chronicler.

"Wow," whispered Takua, looking up at the talking statue of Mata Nui. "Hafu's carvings get more and more realistic all the time!"


"So you mean to shout-tell us," Lewa called, "that us Toa Nuva are meant to awaken a rock that seems pretty much awake... for a rock?"


"Hey, hold on a second!" complained Tahu. "When you, well, appeared, you called Takua's name. What about the rest of us?"


"A quest?" Takua repeated.

"A QUEST," nodded Mata Nui.

"A quest?"


"A quest?"


"But, why can't you do it?"


"Didn't you just tell Lewa that you weren't a rock?"


"You just said you were a rock."


"No, you didn't..." Tahu retorted.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, WEAK, FLAWED, NOT AWESOME, CONCEITED TOA!" Mata Nui shouted, causing the ground to shake in his fury. A couple beams of LEGO Studios collapsed on top of Director. "NOW, CHRONICLER, GO!" At that, Mata Nui sank back into the earth. After he was completely submerged, his muffled voice could be heard, yelling: "####ING SAND! MY EYES! MY MOUTH!" Of course, part of what he said got owned by the Word Filter.

The Chronicler's Company remained silent for a few moments. Naturally, it was Turahk who broke the silence. "I guess you're right, Takua," he murmured. "Hafu's carvings certainly get more and more realistic all the time."

Takua nodded. "But I need to search for this... Mask of Light. The Search for the Mask of Light. Hmm, sounds like the name of a movie."

"It is the name of a movie, you dolt!" shouted the Director from off-screen, who had managed to get out from the pillars that fell on him. "The movie we're filming now!"

"Where do you suggest we begin this search?" asked Gali.

Takua thought for a moment. "Kini-Nui."


After a few hours of walking, Takua and his company passed a sign. On it was written, "Kini-Nui in 5 Kilometers. HAFU RULEZ! SUX!"

"Weird," Takua muttered, studying the sign. "It's been vandalized. Someone crossed out RULEZ! and wrote SUX! But who?"

"I think we have found our answer," Pohatu replied, pointing up ahead.

Noticing Pohatu's pointing, Takua scolded, "It isn't polite to point."
Off-set, the Director bit his lip.

Takua looked beyond the sign. Ahead lay dark shadows, thick mist, and long, greenish webs. Scuttling noises could be heard from the shadows, and the dark forms of four-legged creatures could be made out in the mist (what nobody knew was that the prop master didn't have enough money to pay for the mist, and neither could he afford smoke, so instead of choosing either, he saved money by replacing it with powdered sugar; he also saved on car insurance by switching to Geico, but that's a different story). Nightmarish sounds could constantly be heard.

Pewku shrugged. "Wow, what a beautiful day outside today," she smiled.

For the next five kilometers, Takua and his company walked in complete silence. When they reached the perimeter of Kini-Nui, however, Pewku had grown tired of silence and began to talk about Bula Salad. Turahk's response was knocking Pewku on the head with one of his pans, creating a loud clanging sound.

"You fool!" spat Lewa, glaring at Turahk. "If there are any bad-enemies around here, you just quick-gave our dark-position away!"

"Too late!" shouted Tahu. A creature was slowly making its way towards the company. Dark, evil, dramatic music began to build up in the background. Each member of Takua's company tried to cower behind another. The creature stepped into the light, revealing it to be a...

"MAHI!" screamed Takua. At once, all of the company panicked and began to run around in circles, screaming. The Mahi looked at them with interest for a few moments, but then the Rahi goat got bored and trotted off, leaving the company still in panic.

Takua was the first to calm down. "It's okay," he whispered, "it's okay... it's just a Mahi... it's just a Mahi..."

Once the rest of the company calmed down, they walked into Kini Nui.

Kini Nui was vastly changed since Takua last came. Of course, when he last came, it was still under construction by the LEGO Studios set designing team, so back then, not yet painted, it had been revealed to only be made of wood. The ironic part of that is that no LEGO brick is truly made of wood, so how Kini Nui is made of wood is still a mystery to the Director and me.

Not only was the set completed, giving the illusion that it was made from stone when it was really a wood model, but the darkness, mist, and webs here gave the place a scary look. More so than the perimeter of Kini Nui, for here the darkness, mist, and webs were thicker and more abundant. They were especially common near the giant statue of a Toa Mata head. The company walked over to this massive structure and looked up, not in awe, but in horror. But not in horror of the darkness, mist, and webs all around them...

"Mata Nui," Takua whispered, "are Toa Mata heads really that ugly behind the masks?"

"The Tohunga and MoLtoran heads were uglier," muttered Pohatu.

A dark shape crawled up on top of the giant structure. It had four legs, two massive mandibles, a Rhotuka launcher, and glowing red eyes. Its color scheme was gold and green, like that of Toa Iruini. "Who goes down there?" the creature yelled down at the company.

"It is I, Takua the Chronicler!" replied Takua. "This is my company – Pewku, Tahu, Turahk, Pohatu, Gali, and Lewa! Who might you be?"

"I'm... err, duh... uh..." the creature began but apparently forgot his name.


"That moron," muttered Director.

"Here, take this," Narrator replied, handing the Director a megaphone.

"Thanks." Director turned it on and shouted into it, "YOUR NAME IS 'VISSY!'"

Director put down the megaphone and shook his head. "What's ironic," he muttered, "is that's his real name. It's not the name of the character he's playing; he doesn't even remember his own name! What a moron!"


"Vissy!" smiled the creature. "Yes, that's my name! My name is Vissy, and I'm an Elite Visorak!"

"An Elite Visorak?" repeated Takua.

"I don't know," shrugged Vissy. "Am I?"


"Elite," Director grumbled, "here having the meaning of 'stupid.'" He once again tried to sip his coffee, once again failing to do so thanks to the lack of a LEGO coffee piece.

Narrator watched this mistake. "So," Narrator smiled, "I guess you're elite?"

Director glared at him.


"Well, my company and I are looking for a Mask of Light," continued Takua.

"A Mask of Light?" repeated Vissy, growing excited. "Cool! Can I join the search?"

Before Takua could reply, a second Elite Visorak climbed up on top of the structure. "No, you may not!" he scolded Vissy, then looked at the company down below. "Please excuse Vissy, he's an extremely-dumb one of us. Bring him along, and you'll probably regret it more than you regret bringing Pewku along!"

Pewku nodded, then frowned. "Hey!" she cried.

"Shut up, you crab!" hissed the second Elite Visorak. "I've got more important things to do, like watching the garbage man picking up the trash!"

"Oh, thank you!" nodded Pewku.

Takua bent in close to his pet crab's ear. "You realize he just completely dissed you?" he whispered.

"That was a diss?" Pewku asked.

"Yeah," the Chronicler replied, "he just said that watching the garbage man picking up the trash was something more important that listening to you."

"WHAT?!?" screamed Pewku. She looked up at the second Visorak and shook her claw. "You listen, you stupid Visorak, I - "

"First off," the Visorak replied, sounding bored, "my name is 'Eliot,' not 'stupid Visorak.' Second off, don't even try to diss me – your tiny brain cannot do such a thing!"

"Well, anyways," Takua continued, "will you join our company to search for the Mask of Light?"

"A Mask of Light?" repeated Eliot, but in a mocking tone, unlike Vissy. "Hah! What a laugh! We've already got one!"

"We do?" asked Vissy.

"Just play along," hissed Eliot.

"Can we see it?" asked Pohatu.

"No, you can't!" spat Eliot. "It's ours! Not yours! Be gone with you stupid Mata Nui people!"

"Hold on a second," Turahk said, raising his hand. "You're Visorak! You work for Makuta! You have no right to be on this island! Be gone with you stupid Makuta people!"

Eliot stared at Turahk. "I remember you! You're that Rahkshi who betrayed Makuta! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" retorted Eliot.

"Your mother was a Piraka and your father was smelled of Mukau Pie!" Turahk yelled back.
Takua and the rest of the company backed away slowly, knowing that a heated battle was about to start...


"What in the world is a Mukau?" asked Director.

"'Mukau' was the original term for Mata Nui Cow," explained Narrator, who was holding a LEGO Mania from early 2002, in which were building instructions for a Mukau.

"So Mukau Pie is another term for Mata Nui Cow Pie... oh, darn it!" groaned the Director, throwing his arms up in the air. "I don't believe it! Now we're going to have BZPower angry at us for using 'toilet humor!'"

"Actually," replied Narrator, holding up a slice of foul-smelling pie, "Mukau Pie is a pie made out of Mukau. It has nothing to do with what you think it might mean."

Director looked at the slice of Mukau Pie with disgust. "Oh, I see... But wait! Even worse than using toilet humor on BZPower – we're using a pie joke on BZPower!"


"I mutate in your general direction!" hissed Eliot.

"I infect in your general direction!" spat Turahk.

"Your face is so ugly that you have more than 777 years of bad luck!" Eliot insulted.

"Your face is so hideous that it makes Ultimate Dume, Botar, and Gadunka run for the hills!" dissed Turahk.

"You're so weak a Mukau can beat you up!"

"Oh, yeah, want a bet?"

"Okay!" smiled Eliot. He looked at Vissy. "Go fetch me a Mukau!" he ordered.

"Err, where did you put that Mukau from earlier?" asked Vissy.

"JUST GET IT!" screamed Eliot.

"Okay, okay, Mr. Bossy..." muttered Vissy, crawling off the structure.

About an hour later, Vissy returned with a Mahi between his pincers, no doubt the one that Takua and his company had met earlier. "I ordered a Mukau," muttered Eliot, taking the Mahi, "and he brings me a Mahi. Oh, well, this'll do." He tossed the Mahi off the statue, and the Rahi Goat fell promptly on top of Turahk.

"OW!" Turahk cried. He shoved the Mahi off from on top of him. He looked up and saw that the Elite Visorak were already preparing to throw tons of other Rahi at him. "RUN AWAY!" he screamed, running away.

He nearly passed Takua and the company, who were hiding behind a pillar of the Amaja Circle. "Turahk!" whispered Takua. "Over here!" Turahk saw them and ran over to them.

"We have to stop those Elite Visorak!" Gali insisted. "We cannot allow them to terrorize the island!"

"But how will we sign-stop them?" Lewa asked.

"Perhaps I can help," replied a voice from the shadows.

A figure slowly stepped out from the shadows, revealing himself to be a Ta-Matoran. "Perhaps I can help," he repeated in a dramatic tone of voice.

"Heard you the first time," muttered Takua.

Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: the original BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light! allowed guest stars, the first of which was Primis as Wheeljack. Since Primis was the only BZPower member who was still actively reading my stories by 2008, Wheeljack was kept in the story. All other guest stars from the original would only be given one-time appearances in the rewrite before being written out, as will be demonstrated in a later chapter. No new guest stars were allowed to be introduced in the rewrite, since I considered an over-abundance of guest stars to be one of the original's weaknesses.

A character analogous to Wheeljack named "Weeljak" made a cameo appearance in The Story of Frosam, wherein he demonstrated his uncanny ability to sneak up on people and nearly get himself injured as a result.  Despite this chapter's insistence that you should go read The Story of Frosam, do yourself a favor and don't.  It was written back in 2006 and its age definitely shows, not to mention that it was yet another casualty of the Forum Archive hacking, so you can't read it even if you wanted to.  Although, I may be working on something that will change that...

Until fairly recently, if you tried to say the word "idiot" on BZPower, the word filter censored it with "cool dude".


Chapter 6

The Ta-Matoran that stood before the company had a black body and arms, with an orange mask, hands, and feet. His mask was a Kraahkan, but despite that, he wasn't a seemingly evil-looking figure. In one hand, he held a two-pronged spear, often carried by members of the Ta-Koro Guard. "My name is Wheeljack," he introduced himself, "a member of the Ta-Koro Guard."

"Ah, yes, I think I remember you," nodded Tahu. "Weren't you that guy who kept on sneaking up on me?"

"Yes, that was me," smiled Wheeljack.

"... and almost every time you sneaked up on me, I nearly cut off your head in fright?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"So then I do know you."

"Right," nodded Wheeljack. "Another thing is that, on BZPower, I'm sometimes known as Wheeljack02, Alpha Prime02, {Project~Genesis}, Slizer Prime, or Primis. Currently, I'm Primis."

"Hold on," Tahu interrupted, raising his Magma Swords. "What's a BZPower?"

"A BIONICLE fan website," replied Wheeljack, rolling his eyes.


"Are we allowed to mention BZPower?" Director questioned his partner. He was certainly not in the mood to get yet another lawsuit, especially after the Maori Lawsuit that came from Pohatu mentioning 'Tohunga' in the last chapter.

"Of course we are!" laughed the Narrator. "After all, this is a BZPower Comedy!"

"What in the world are you talking about?" Director said, raising his eyebrow. "This a movie, not a BZPower Comedy!"

Narrator rolled his eyes and sighed. "Never mind," he muttered.


"So, anyways," Wheeljack continued, "here is our plan..." He gestured for the company to get in a circle.

Everyone huddled together in a circle, except for Pewku, who stupidly moved in the opposite direction of the circle. Turahk grabbed his Fear Staff and whacked Pewku on the head, then grabbed one of Pewku's legs and pulled her into the circle. Wheeljack was whispering something to the group.

At last, the circle broke. Tahu held out the pile of axles stolen from the Slizers/Throwbots earlier, and each member of the company drew an axle. This time, it was Wheeljack who drew the ½ stud-long axle piece. He sighed, grabbed his two-pronged spear, and began to step out away from Amaja Circle.

"Wish me luck!" nodded Wheeljack, "I'm going!" Then, the Ta-Matoran took off in the direction of Kini-Nui.

The Ta-Matoran was an exceptionally stealthy member of the Ta-Koro guard. He had discovered this talent the hard way, though. He is known for unintentionally sneaking up on other members of the guard and as a result nearly getting killed when they get surprised. A perfect example is in The Story of Frosam – you should go read that!

Anyways, Wheeljack crept towards the giant statue of a Toa Mata Head. He sneaked behind the carving, and his eyes widened at the sight he saw, even know he had been expecting it because he read ahead in the script.

Ahead of him, large, hastily built imitations of the Tower of the Toa set could be found, strands of webbing connecting them. Elite Visorak crawled from one tower to another. A couple were playing leapfrog, and a couple more were playing "Dodgelavarock," a variation of Dodgeball in which instead of balls being used, the Lava Rocks from a couple of the playsets were being used instead. The one problem with that game is that if you get hit, it kills. There was also a movie theater, playing a horror movie called Mars Attacks! Ironically, Mars Attacks! really isn't a horror movie; it's more like a spoof of a sci-fi movie, so whoever labels the genre of the movies in that movie theater must be, by Director's definition, "elite." The parking lot, right next to the movie theater, was occupied with dozens of Visorak Battle Rams (which, for some reason, aren't called "Visorak Battering Rams").

"Right," muttered Wheeljack, and he made his way towards the Visorak Battle Rams. Of course, they didn't really look like battering rams, but rather a Visorak fused with a tower with a catapult on top. He walked over to the nearest one, and began to push it out of the parking lot. He pushed and pushed, and although the Ta-Matoran pushed with all his might, he didn't realize that he wasn't pushing it at all – he was just too weak, and the Visorak Battle Ram too heavy.

Unknown to Wheeljack, we sent a LEGO Studios crewmember who brought two fishing poles. He took the two hooks, stuck them into the Visorak Battle Ram, grabbed the poles and ran off-set. Then, he and another crewmember began to reel in the fishing lines, thus pulling the Visorak Battle Ram out of the parking lot. To this day, Wheeljack doesn't know about those two crewmembers, and believes that he pushed a Visorak Battle Ram all by himself.

Wheeljack and the Visorak Battle Ram were almost out from behind the statue, when he noticed an Elite Visorak watching him: Vissy. "Makuta bones," muttered Wheeljack, "whatever that's supposed to mean." He ran over to Vissy, who was getting ready to report it to Eliot. "Hey, Vissy, I thought I saw something shiny over in Ko-Koro! Want to check it out?"

Vissy forgot all about reporting Wheeljack to Eliot, and replied, "Ooh, shiny? In Ko-Koro! Cool!" Then, the Elite Visorak took off in the direction of Ko-Koro.

"Cool dude," smiled Wheeljack, chuckling.

Vissy stopped running, turned around, and replied, "Thank you!"


"You just called me a 'cool dude!'"

Wheeljack's jaw dropped, then he scowled. "Stupid BZPower filter," he groaned.

Vissy shrugged (how is that possible for a four-legged creature?), and continued to run towards Ko-Koro.

Wheeljack nodded and continued to push the Visorak Battle Ram out from behind the Toa Mata Head statue. He pushed it until it reached Amaja Circle. "Okay, so let's go, NOW!" he announced.

Pewku, Lewa, Gali, and Pohatu got behind the Visorak Battle Ram, readying to push it. Wheeljack, Takua, Tahu, and Turahk all got inside the Visorak Battle Ram. As soon as they did, though, the Visorak Battle Ram fell apart.

"Oh, no," muttered Takua.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Gali.

"Well," Wheeljack replied, "first we have to convince Director to fire the prop master for purchasing the Visorak Battle Ram at a flea market. Then, we have to rebuild the Visorak Battle Ram and try again."

An hour later, the prop master was fired, and the Visorak Battle Ram was reconstructed. Pohatu, Gali, Lewa, and Pewku all started to push the Visorak Battle Ram in the direction of Kini-Nui, while Wheeljack, Takua, Tahu, and Turahk all hid behind the pillars surrounding the Amaja Circle. When the Visorak Battle Ram reached the giant Toa Mata Head statue, Gali, Pohatu, Lewa, and Pewku all abandoned it and retreated back to Amaja Circle.

Eliot and another Elite Visorak crawled to the top of the Toa Mata Head statue and looked down, spotting the Visorak Battle Ram. "How the Karzahni did that get there?" Eliot asked his partner.

The other Visorak, whom I shall affectionately name Greg, replied, "I didn't do it, sir."

"Whatever is the case," ordered Eliot, "we must bring it back inside our fortress."

"But sir," Greg reminded, "we don't have a fortress. All we have is a bit of space hidden behind this statue."

"SHUT UP and go bring that Visorak Battle Ram back where it belongs!" screamed Eliot.

"Fine," Greg muttered, crawling down the statue.

When he reached the Visorak Battle Ram, he began to push it behind the statue. However, being behind the battering ram and pushing it without being able to see where he was pushing it, Greg crashed the Battle Ram into the statue, knocking Eliot off. Eliot fell and landed on the catapult, and somehow the catapult was activated, throwing Eliot flying in the air, crash-landing into the LEGO Studios Cafeteria.

Greg whispered an apology, and pushed the Visorak Battle Ram behind the statue and back towards the movie theater parking lot.

Meanwhile, at the Amaja Circle, Takua, Wheeljack, and the others watched Greg as he pushed the Visorak Battle Ram away. That's when Takua realized something was wrong. "Wheeljack," he asked the Ta-Matoran, "what exactly was your plan?"

Wheeljack sighed, then repeated the plan. "Pohatu, Gali, Lewa, and Pewku push the Battle Ram up to the statue, the Visorak take the Battle Ram and bring it behind the statue, we wait till nightfall, then we get out of the Battle Ram, and then..." Wheeljack's voice trailed off as he realized that he, Takua, Tahu, and Turahk forgot to get inside the Battle Ram. "Oops."

Takua threw his hands up in disgust, Turahk shook his head, and Pohatu groaned. Pewku wasn't paying attention at all, too involved with trying to find out what sand tastes like. Lewa started shouting curses at Wheeljack.

Wheeljack, after enduring every curse known to Matoran, muttered, "Now, if I had ditched the idea to steal a Visorak Battle Ram, and instead I built a giant wooden Mukau..."

"Oh, shut up you Kohlii Head!" Tahu shouted.


Eliot looked around. "Now, where is Vissy?" he asked after a while.

"I don't know," Greg replied. "Knowing him, he's probably looking for shiny objects in Ko-Koro. Anyways, I've been thinking... perhaps the Visorak Battle Ram was a present from those stupid Mata Nui people? Or maybe they gave us a present inside the Visorak Battle Ram?"

Eliot was silent for a moment. "Great idea, Greg!" the Visorak replied. "Let's go inspect it for special presents!"


The two Elite Visorak crawled over to the Visorak Battle Ram, to inspect it for special presents left by the Chronicler's Company.


The Chronicler's Company was now throwing insults and curses at each other. You see, what happened was that Pewku, after discovering that sand was not to her taste, started siding with Wheeljack. So, she got insulted. So, she randomly insulted Turahk. In turn, Turahk insulted Pohatu. Pohatu insulted Tahu. Tahu insulted Kopaka. Since Kopaka was not part of the company, Lewa took it upon himself to insult Takua. Takua insulted Pewku. Pewku insulted Gali. Gali insulted Turahk. The rest, of course, you can imagine.

So, they were busy arguing, and then suddenly Gali raised her Aqua Axe in the air and demanded, "QUIET! Do you hear that?"

Everyone stopped their insulting of each other and listened. A loud scratching noise came from the backside of the Toa Mata Head statue. Everyone looked that way, except for Pewku, who looked the other way. Pohatu hit her on the head, and she corrected her mistake. An obvious reference to BIONICLE Heroes.

Eliot crawled to the top of the statue. He looked around, and spotted the Chronicler's Company. "You stupid Mata Nui people!" the Visorak cried. "You dare give us back our Visorak Battle Ram without giving us a gift inside of it? You will pay for that! FIRE THE CATAPULT!"

The Chronicler's company traded glances. Suddenly, Pohatu pointed towards the sky, quickly followed by Gali saying, "It isn't polite to point." The company looked up at the sky, and they saw the Visorak Battle Ram, launched by a catapult, coming straight for them!

Screaming, the company split up and began running in random directions. However, in the panic and fray, Wheeljack and Pewku crashed into each other. The shadow of the Visorak Battle Ram fell upon them, and soon the Visorak Battle Ram itself followed. LEGO bricks and BIONICLE parts went flying in the air, crushing Wheeljack and Pewku under the mess.


"You know," muttered the Director, "every time someone says 'It isn't polite to point,' it gets more and more annoying. At least, to me."

"Don't you think," smiled the Narrator, "that perhaps that's why they do it?"

Director grumbled something under his breath.

Narrator picked up the script and flipped to the page that we're on. "Aha!" he smiled, "look, Director! The script here calls for me to appear in the next scene!"

This time, it was the Director's turn to smile. "Sorry, Narrator," he replied, "but apparently, since we've written the script, we've been able to get Turaga Whenua to do the scene instead. Sorry!"

Narrator got down on his knees, raised his arms in the air, and was about to do an Empire Strikes Back-style "NOOOOOOOO!", when he suddenly he remembered something that happened to Whenua in the script version of this comedy, and gave a sly smile.


Turaga Whenua handled his drill staff. "Now, you see," he explained, "being from Onu-Metru and all, I love to talk about history. Even though this isn't really history, but some story made by a scriptwriter that is 30 years old and still lives with his mom, I'm going to say it anyways. After removing the LEGO and BIONICLE parts of the smashed Visorak Battle Ram, the Chronicler's Company discovered to their relief and their disappointment that Wheeljack and Pewku were still alive. Takua decided to abandon hope of chasing the Elite Visorak away from Kini-Nui, and said that they'd have time later. However, the Mask of Light needed to be found. Tahu suggested they split up and make searching easier, and that's what they did."

The Turaga of Earth paused for a moment, then decided, "That's all I'm required to say, but to make things more exciting, I'm going to give you an inside look at the different drills one can use with mining."

Director's eyes widened as he remembered what had happened in Chapter 2 when Taipu gave the same demonstration. Ten and a half hours of endless speech, tons of lawsuits, and six months of no production. "Quick, someone!" Director ordered. "Get the Zivon!"

As if in answer, the giant scorpion-like Rahi, barely small enough to fit under the roof of LEGO Studios, marched over, charged a Rhotuka, and fired it at Whenua. When the Turaga tried to give his speech, his lips moved but nothing came out, for the Rhotuka that the Zivon launched was the muting spinner. Whenua crossed his arms and scowled, annoyed at the loss of voice.

To top it off, Toa Lhikan walked over and melted all of Whenua's drills to be used in the demonstration. Whenua tried to scream and shout at Lhikan, but nothing came out. Lhikan ran away to receive the Director's payment, laughing.

Then, the Turaga mouthed, "I'm calling the Vahki!" He took out his cell phone and began to send a text message.

Curses, the script version of this was funnier. In that version, Lhikan burnt Whenua to a crisp! Now, Lhikan's been restricted to merely melting his drills. Oh, well, there's always hope for a The Search for the Mask of Light Rerun Rerun...

Edited by PeabodySam
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Chapter 7
The Tale of Lewa

The split-up of the Chronicler's Company goes like this. Lewa was assigned to search Po-Wahi. Pohatu was assigned to search Ga-Wahi. Gali and Wheeljack were assigned to search Le-Wahi. Takua, Pewku, Tahu, and Turahk were assigned to search Ta-Wahi.

Of course, at first, this didn't exactly go according to plan. Lewa decided to take a detour to Le-Koro, and Gali would eventually detour to Ga-Wahi.

As Lewa entered Le-Koro, he found Matau talking to Tamaru about something. What it was, Lewa couldn't make out, but he decided that the brave Toa Nuva of Air didn't want to go adventuring in Po-Wahi alone. So, Lewa assigned himself a team to travel with him – Kongu, Makani, and Sanso: the Gukko Force captain and the two musicians. Makani and Sanso were both relatively easy to find; they were always on the main Le-Koro platform. Kongu, however, couldn't be found.

"Where the Karzahni is Kongu?" muttered Lewa, walking around Le-Koro.

At last, Lewa found what he was looking for outside of the gates of Le-Koro. Kongu, Boreas, Orkahm, Shu, Taiki, and Vira were all sitting on the marshy floor of Le-Wahi. They all had their eyes closed, and moving their hands in funny directions. Suddenly, various stones on the ground rose into the air and began to hover for a moment. Lewa, Makani, and Sanso all looked at this strange sight. The rocks fell to the ground once more, one accidentally hitting Shu on the head. The Le-Matoran Gukko Bird Force members opened their eyes.

"Very good," smiled Kongu, nodding. "Learning well you are. Now, keep in mind, size matters not. Regardless of size of you or size of the object you wish to use Force on, use Force on it you can. Now, watch you will." Kongu then closed his eyes, and raised his hands in the air. Suddenly, an X-Wing rose out of the Fau Swamp.

The other Le-Matoran Gukko Bird Force members clapped their hands and cheered, even as cheesy Star Wars music played in the background. All this noise broke Kongu's concentration, and the X-Wing fell on top of Turaga Matau, who was walking out of Le-Koro at the time.

Listening to the Turaga let out a string of curses, Kongu chuckled slightly, said, "Sorry, I am," and moved the X-Wing off of Matau using this strange talent.

Lewa, Makani, and Sanso all traded glances. They walked over to Kongu. "Kongu," Lewa asked, "just why are you lifting objects with your mind?"

Kongu chuckled. "Called the Gukko Bird Force, this organization is. Obviously, requires knowledge of the Force, this organization does."

Lewa scratched his head. "Okaaaay," he muttered. "Anyways, I need you to help me search for a 'Mask of flash-Light' in Po-Wahi."

"Come, I will," nodded Kongu.

"Can you stop speaking like Yoda?"

"Sorry, I am."


As the Air-elemental beings marched through Po-Wahi, Makani and Sanso couldn't hold it back, and began to play their instruments. As they did so, they kept on nudging Kongu, trying to get him to sing. So, Kongu began to sing.

However, being not an experienced singer, his singing could probably be compared to the sounds of a dying chicken. And, if you don't know what a dying chicken sounds like, either watch some online video about a monkey who strangles a chicken, or listen to Kongu's singing.

Lewa had his hands over his ears, and was muttering to himself, "Mata Nui, this is dark-murder! Dark-murder! Can he please quick-stop his near-perfect imitations of a dying Taku?"

If one was able to translate Kongu's horrible singing, he was singing about how brave Toa Lewa Nuva was. How Lewa wasn't afraid to die. How he wasn't afraid to have his armor boiled off. How he wasn't afraid to have knives chop off his hands. How he wasn't afraid to look in the mirror. How he wasn't afraid to receive horrible, severe, life-threatening, all-too-painful punishments. How he wasn't afraid to lose all his blood in battle (mainly because BIONICLE characters don't have blood to lose in the first place).

At last, Lewa couldn't stand it anymore, and knocked Kongu on the side of the head with his Air Katana, knocking out the Le-Matoran Captain of the Gukko Force. Looking at Makani and Sanso, he pointed at Kongu and ordered, "Carry him."

Makani nodded.

"Okay," Sanso replied, "but just so you know, pointing isn't polite."

Off-set, Director frowned.

A bit more walking, and the four Air-elemental beings found a shocking discovery. It was a Google billboard set in the desert sands.

Lewa aimed his Air Katana at it, and a blast of wind carried the giant sign away, revealing an even more disturbing discovery. Golyo was running around in circles, screaming like a little girl. Piatra was running around in circles, shouting rude comments, curses, and insults. A Mahi was on the ground, dead from poisoning. Ally was sitting on the ground, dizzy and confused.

Lewa walked over to Golyo. "Excuse me," he said, "but why are you-"

"MY MAHI HAVE GONE MAD!" screamed Golyo, continuing to run around screaming. "THEY'RE CHASING ME! THEY'RE AFTER MY GOLD!"

"Okay," muttered Lewa, and he walked over to Piatra. "Excuse me, but why are you-"

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID TOA OF AIR!" shouted Piatra, shaking a fist at Lewa. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL!" He ran over to Lewa and began to punch and kick the Toa.

Lewa escaped in time. He walked over to the poisoned Mahi. "Excuse me, but why are you-"

He paused in his sentence, expecting the Mahi to interrupt. The Mahi was silent.

"Are you dead?" Lewa asked.

The Mahi didn't reply.

Lewa walked away, muttering to himself, "Stupid dead Mahi, they never answer your questions!" The Toa of Air walked over to Ally. "Excuse me, but why are you - "

"Auntie Em," whispered Ally, "Auntie Em, it's a twister, it's a twister! But I don't have an Auntie Em, so why am I saying this? Auntie Em, Auntie Em, it's a twister, it's a twister!"

Lewa frowned. "Po-Matoran, although dumb-brainless, don't usually act this way," he muttered.

Makani looked at the three Matoran and the dead Mahi. "Perhaps they were guarding something?" he guessed. "And then something came and... stole it? The Mask of Light, perhaps?"

Lewa's eyes widened. "Makani, you're a genius!" he smiled. He walked over to Ally and shook him. "Ally! Listen! What is responsible for this?"

The Po-Matoran looked into Lewa's eyes, shaking with fear. "Giant monster... Kaita... three heads... coffee addiction... Google Billboard maker... feet pieces for hands... fear... anger... poison... twister..."

Lewa's eyes narrowed. "We have to find this monster and stop it!" he decided.

A bit more walking, and Kongu had already regained conscious. "Okay," he muttered, "sing I will not."

"THANK YOU!" Lewa cheered, and the other two Le-Matoran clapped their hands.

"But Yoda-speak, continue I shall," smiled Kongu.

"Still better than your singing," Sanso shrugged.

Suddenly, the group heard a high-pitched girly scream. They turned to see Makani pointing at a couple Skakdi carcasses.

"Nice girl-screaming, Makani," chuckled Sanso.

"I didn't girl-scream," replied Makani. "I was just... erm, pretending to girl-scream! Yeah, to err, catch your short-attention!"

"And also, polite, pointing is not," added Kongu.

Director grumbled, marched onto the set, and yelled, "WOULD PEOPLE HERE STOP SAYING THAT?!?"

"Uh, guys?" Kongu said, pointing a bit farther up ahead. "Think I found the reason for all this strange stuff, I do."

"Kongu, I'm dark-disappointed in you," Lewa scolded. "You're pointing, and that's not polite!"

"ARGH!" screamed the Director, and he walked off the set.

Lewa, Sanso, and Makani followed his finger. There, several meters ahead of them, stood a Rahkshi Kaita Za, using one of the spines of the Skakdi carcasses as a toothpick. Tall, red, white, green, and gray, it indeed matched Ally's description, for it for some reason had Rahkshi foot pieces for hands. When the Kaita was finished, it threw the spine onto the ground, and the Turahk head shouted, "'Pick your teeth with Rahkshi,' hah! More like, 'Rahkshi pick their teeth with me!'"

The Kurahk head looked around, and spotted Lewa and the three Le-Matoran. "You!" it yelled. "What do you want?"

At that moment, Sanso lifted his instrument into the air and announced, "To fight!"

"Quiet!" whispered Lewa. He looked at the Rahkshi Kaita Za. "I'm just, well, quick-passing through here, and I was wondering if you have seen a Mask of Light?"

The three heads of the Za traded glances. "Nope," the Lerahk head answered. "We haven't."

"Oh, really?" Makani asked. "Then, why did you evil-attack those three Po-Matoran and that Mahi?"

"For fun!" sneered the Turahk head, and the other two heads chuckled in agreement.

"Okay," nodded Lewa. "Question answered, now let's get going."

"Denied! We cannot allow you to do that!" the Kurahk head hissed. "We work for Makuta! He has an almighty robot and a super-huge plasma TV! We have to kill you if we don't want to be killed by the almighty robot, and if we want to watch movies on the super-huge plasma TV!"

"Uh, oh," Lewa muttered. He and the three Le-Matoran began to back away slowly.

"Come on," the Lerahk head hissed, "let's kill him!"

"Hey," shouted the Turahk head, "I wanted to say that!"

"Then why didn't you say it first?" asked the Lerahk head.

"Because I didn't get enough sleep last night and I'm tired!" replied the Turahk head.

"I slept very well last night," the Kurahk head muttered. "Why the Karzahni didn't you?"

"Because you don't sleep next to the Lerahk head!" retorted the Turahk head.

"And just what does that mean?" the Lerahk head demanded.

"It means you snore," insulted the Turahk head, "and you smell bad!"

"Oh, sure," retorted the Lerahk head, "as if you never snore or smell bad?"

"ENOUGH!" commanded the Kurahk head. "This is cutting into our Toa-killing time, so we better solve this problem quickly! Turahk, would you like some tea to wake you up?"

"No tea!" the Turahk head spat. "NO TEA!"

"Coffee?" offered the Kurahk head.

"Sure, thanks," nodded the Turahk head.

"HURRY UP!" the Lerahk head shouted. "I just want to kill this Toa!"

"But Turahk needs some coffee!" the Kurahk head replied.

"Nah," the Turahk head shook his head, "I can wait."

"Alright," Lerahk nodded, "we kill the Toa, and then get some coffee!"

All three heads of the Rahkshi Kaita Za nodded and replied, "Deal." They prepared to kill Lewa, but then realized... that Lewa and the Le-Matoran took advantage of the argument and ran away!

As the four of them ran, Sanso began to play his instrument, and Makani decided he should sing instead of Kongu. His voice was much better than Kongu's, but his words weren't the kind of words that Lewa liked, because it was the exact opposite of Kongu's "Brave Toa Lewa" song. He was singing about how afraid Toa Lewa Nuva was, and how he ran away. How Lewa was afraid to die. How he was afraid to have his armor boiled off. How he was afraid to have knives chop off his hands. How he was afraid to look in the mirror. How he was afraid to receive horrible, severe, life-threatening, all-too-painful punishments. How he was afraid to lose all his blood in battle (even though BIONICLE characters don't have blood to lose in the first place). How he was afraid to listen to Kongu's singing.

All the while, as Makani sang, Lewa kept on shouting, "Not true! Incorrect! Non-canon! False! Shut up! Stop!"

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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For context: this chapter mentions The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE, a contemporary comedy of BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light! that was also being rewritten as Two Worlds, as mentioned in the first post.  One of the characters from that story, Sam, had such a strong reputation for screaming like a little girl that he eventually declared that "Eep!" is his line and anyone else who used it would be severely punished for "stealing" it, even in other contemporary comedies such as Ask Hafu! (and its rewrite) by Darth Jaller.  Specifically, this chapter mentions Sam having too much fun crashing his Chrome Crusher into everything in sight, which was meant to be referring to a scene from Season 2, Chapter 38 of Two Worlds... which was ultimately published separately as Lost and Found and Lost Again because Two Worlds never reached its second season.


Chapter 8
The Tale of Pohatu

At the same time as the beginning of the previous chapter, Pohatu was making his way towards Ga-Wahi. However, it was very stormy in the path to Ga-Wahi. Freezing-cold rain was pouring down by the gallon (this is actually true – in LEGO Studios, when we do rain scenes, we take gallons of water that we bought from the supermarket, and then we hand them upside-down on the ceiling of LEGO Studios, and then we open the caps and let water pour out literally by the gallon!). Thunder was flashing, and lightning was booming. Hold on... that cannot be right... thunder doesn't flash, it booms, and lightning doesn't boom, it flashes. Whoever made those special effects got it all wrong! Geez, he should go watch one of the Bill Nye the Science Guy videos on storms!

To make matters worse for Pohatu, while adventuring the coast, a Tarakava had risen from the ocean. "Are you the doctor?" the Tarakava asked Pohatu.

"Erm, no, I'm not," Pohatu shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

The Tarakava gestured to the Pakari on its snout. "Because my Kanohi here is infected, and I want to get it treated. Will you take me to the doctor?"

Pohatu shook his head. "Sorry, sir, but I've got a very important quest I need to do, and you have to ask someone else to take you to the doctor!"

"Please, sir!" begged the Tarakava. "Take me to the doctor!"

"And I repeat, sir," replied Pohatu, "I cannot, because I've got a very important quest I need to do, and it cannot be interrupted by your trivial needs!"

The Tarakava scowled. "You will take me to the doctor," he demanded, "or else!"

"Or else what?" inquired the Toa Nuva of Stone.

"Or else THIS!" The Tarakava leapt towards Pohatu and began to punch him with all his might.

"OW!" Pohatu winced. "Take it easy! OUCH! Watch where you're punching! AAAHHH!" Pohatu slipped away from the Tarakava and began to run in the direction of Ga-Koro.

"GET BACK HERE AND TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR!" roared the Tarakava, pursuing Pohatu.

The two of them ran across several kilometers of wet sand before Pohatu finally saw the gate of Ga-Koro straight ahead. He ran up to the gate and began to pound his fist on it. "LET ME IN!" he demanded. "LET ME IN YOU STUPID GA-MATORAN! YOU MORONS! LET ME IN!"

He heard the Tarakava as it came closer and closer, but he did not hear any Ga-Matoran returning his plea. He looked around and found a scale like decide attached to the gate, and several rock carvings of Mata Nui placed around the scale. "Think, Pohatu," he muttered, "you're the Toa Nuva of Stone, so you should be able to figure out this rock-related puzzle."

He grabbed all the carvings and dumped them into the scale. The gate opened.
"That was easy!" he smiled. He rushed past the gate, then sent a seismic wave that knocked all the rocks off the scale. The gate closed, leaving the Tarakava outside. "Hah, take that!"


Pohatu turned away from the gate and began walking towards the village itself.
A Ga-Matoran wearing a Kakama ran up to greet him. "Hello, Pohatu," she smiled, "and welcome to Ga-Koro. I am Kai, the sailor."

"Ah, yes," nodded Pohatu. "You're the one that's always stopping by to spy on Hewkii, right?"

Kai's eyes narrowed. "That's Macku, she wears a Huna!"

"Oh, right," Pohatu smiled sheepishly, "I forgot! Anyways, I think I need a place to stay overnight and get some rest..." He nervously glanced over his shoulder at the gate, where the Tarakava still waited.

"Come," Kai gestured, "I'll show you to your hut where you can stay overnight." She turned and began to walk towards a hut, and Pohatu followed.
"You know," Kai continued, "things have been going difficult for us Ga-Matoran. Since Gali left to join some moron Chronicler as part of his stupid company to go around doing random stuff, we've had no Toa to protect us. We've had to do very hard swimming, constant flax-making, doing fishing: the most tedious and boring job in the world, mapmaking, ship making, find things to throw at Nokama whenever she gives a long speech... it's all been very difficult to do since Gali left. That moron chronicler! That stupid company! That random stuff they do!"

Pohatu decided it was best to not mention that he was part of the "moron chronicler's stupid company" that kept on "going around doing random stuff." He may very well lose his hospitality.

They were almost at his hut, Kai still yakking away about how difficult life is for a Ga-Matoran. Pohatu was about to enter his hut when he noticed another Ga-Matoran carrying something yellow, something bright, something shiny into another hut.
Pohatu's eyes widened. The Mask of Light! he immediately thought. He was about to follow the Ga-Matoran when Kai grabbed his arm and yanked him into the hut. He looked at the Ga-Matoran sailor. "The Mask of Light!" he exclaimed.

"What?" asked Kai.

"The Mask of Light!" he repeated. "You Ga-Matoran have it! I have just seen it!"

"We have no Mask of Light here," replied Kai. "You must be tired and confused. Please, lie down on the bed. I promise you, they're very comfy."

Pohatu nodded and began to lie down on the bed.

Kai's eyes widened. A large cut was on Pohatu's side. "Pohatu!" she gasped. "Y-You're wounded!"

"Am I?" Pohatu asked, not at all surprised. "That stupid Tarakava..."

"We must have you treated immediately! No wonder you thought there was a Mask of Light here!" Kai clapped her hands twice. "Hahli! Amaya! Come in here!"
The two Ga-Matoran she called for came into the room.
"He's badly wounded," Kai explained. "Please make sure it doesn't become infected and that it heals!"

They nodded, and Kai left the hut. Hahli and Amaya walked over to the bed, bent down on their knees, and took out a ball of flax.

"Ga-Matoran, please!" Pohatu begged. "I'm alright! I need to find the Mask of Light! It's here in this village!"

"Yes," nodded Amaya. "I'm sure your quest is important. But this is a bad wound. We'll cover it up with Flax, and you need to rest here overnight. No more excitement."

"It cannot wait!" insisted Pohatu. "I need to get the Mask of Light now!"

"You will, after a night's rest," assured Amaya. She and Hahli began to cover up the large gash with the flax.

"Are you sure you're doing it right?" asked Pohatu Nuva.

"We're not exactly doctors," Hahli replied, "but we know what we're doing. If it involves flax, we can do it."

After a while, the two Ga-Matoran were done with their work. "There," nodded Amaya. "Now, just rest overnight, and by then the wound will be healed."

"Are you sure I need to rest?" asked Pohatu.

"Yes," replied Amaya.

"I can't search the village for a Mask of Light?"


"WHAT THE HECK, I'm doing it anyway!" With that, Pohatu leaped off of the bed, pushed Hahli and Amaya aside, and ran out of the hut. He found himself back out in the rain.

"Oh, crud, it's cold!" he muttered, running back inside the hut. He grabbed the blanket off of the bed, wrapped it around himself, and ran out the hut again, now having protection from the cold rain, still pouring down by the gallons. He looked around, but realized he had forgotten which hut the Ga-Matoran with the Mask of Light had went into.

He peeked inside one hut. "Hello?" he asked.

"EEK!" shrieked a Ga-Matoran from inside.

Pohatu's head quickly looked away, his hand shielding his eyes. "Mata Nui, that was disturbing," he muttered.

Once he was clear of the hut, he removed his hand and walked towards the next hut, which happened to be Nokama's super-large hut. "Ah, yes, now I remember," he smiled. "It was in this hut."

He walked inside, and found himself sharing a hut with a crowd of Ga-Matoran. Nokama was sitting at her desk. Macku and Kotu, who at the present time were the Ga-Koro Kohlii Team, were talking behind the desk. Nokama was shouting at the Macku and Kotu, "Would you two shut up? I've got all this paperwork to do!" She was busily shuffling a bunch of papers and occasionally scribbling something onto a page with her pen.

Pohatu looked around. He could not find the Mask of Light. All he could see was the Ga-Matoran crowd, Nokama, Nokama's desk, and a Lightstone hanging from the ceiling. He saw a Ga-Matoran wearing a Kakama walking towards him. "Kai!" he called.

She shook her head. "Sorry, it's Nireta. For some reason, we have the same exact mask. Well, it's better than in MNOLG I, in which all the Ga-Matoran except Nixie, Marka, and Macku had the same exact mask."

"Oh," Pohatu nodded. "Anyways, Nireta, I saw a Ga-Matoran walk into this hut with a Mask of Light! It must be here somewhere!"

"Mask of Light?" repeated Nireta, confused.

At that moment, Pelagia walked over to the two of them. "That was probably me you saw, right?" she asked.

"Yes, that was you," nodded Pohatu.

"I wasn't carrying a Mask of Light," explained Pelagia. "I was carrying that." The Ga-Matoran shipwright pointed at the Lightstone hanging from the ceiling.

"How dare you do something so impolite as to point!" Nireta accused. Off-screen, Director buried his head into his hands. "Even worse, you tricked a Toa Nuva of Stone into thinking that was some sort of Mask of Light! Very, very, very bad Pelagia!"

She paused, then looked off-screen to some characters who were taking a coffee break. "Do you think that came out good?" she asked. "Or do you think it should be cut?"

"Eh? Hmm, strange question," came a raspy voice that did not sound familiar. The sentence was quickly succeeded by some insane laughter.

"What do you think, Matau?" asked a voice that probably belonged to Eliot.

"I say," Matau replied, "get on with it!"

"Yeah," agreed a voice that sounded suspiciously like Vakama's. "Get on with it!"

"Get on with it!" added Wheeljack's voice.

"Get on with it!" Pewku's voice.

"GET ON WITH IT!" shouted a huge crowd of characters we have not yet seen in the story.

"Okay!" nodded Nireta. A pause, and then she asked, "Hey, does anyone here have any acting tips for-"

"GET ON WITH IT!" boomed a voice that could only belong to Mata Nui.

"Okay, okay!" Nireta replied, taking a step back. "Sheesh!"

She looked at Pohatu. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience Pelagia here has caused you. Do accept our apologies."

"Okay," nodded Pohatu. "I should probably continue my quest." He left Nokama's hut and walked over to the village gate, completely forgetting about the Tarakava. He opened the gate and walked out onto the sandy beach.

"I've been waiting for you!" sneered the Tarakava.

"Eep!" gasped Pohatu. Luckily for him, in another comedy, The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE, Sam was having too much fun crashing the Chrome Crusher into walls for him to notice what Pohatu said.

Pohatu began to run, and the Tarakava began to pursue, but a blast of water knocked the Tarakava back into the ocean. Pohatu looked up and saw Gali Nuva standing there. "Thank you sister," he acknowledged, "but I was about to deal with it myself!"

"Oh, please!" Gali replied, grabbing Pohatu's arm and dragging him away, even as the Tarakava began to rise out from the water again. "If I was dragged here from my search to save you and find out that you don't need my help, I might as well have left you to fight the Tarakava yourself! Run, Wheeljack!" They ran past Wheeljack, and the Ta-Matoran began to follow.

"Can't I at least have a little bit of fighting I can do myself?" asked Pohatu.

"No, you can't," Gali replied. "It's unhealthy."

"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Pohatu. "A bit of fighting never hurt anybody!" Pohatu then realized what he had said and blinked. "Wait..." Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: in The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE, there was a Kanoka Disk with the power to clone its target.  Then again, based upon what's already written in this chapter, you probably would be able to figure this out even without this context note.  In fact, I know you would!  So why am I telling you?


Chapter 9
The Tale of Tahu, Takua, Turahk, and Pewku

At the same time as the previous chapter, and the chapter before that, and around the time of the next chapter, Takua, Tahu, Turahk, and Pewku were busy talking to Turaga Vakama. Right now, we are currently at Scene 24.

By now, nearly everyone outside the Chronicler's Company had tried a hand at the Kewa-carrying-a-Coconut mystery. Even I, the great Narrator who is greater than any other Narrator, have tried a hand at it. And I've discovered, if you caused the Kewa to go on diet, then you took two of those flippers that people put on their feet for swimming, attach it to the wings of the Kewa, take a second Kewa, put that one on a diet, attach two more flippers to its wings, then take one of those things that Enter and Return from LEGO Island put those sick guys and sharks and trees and mailboxes and umbrellas on, attach it to their feet, take a coconut, put it on that thingy-

"GET ON WITH IT!" demanded Mata Nui, off-screen.

Alright, alright! Sheesh!

Anyways, Takua, Pewku, Turahk, and Tahu all decided that they needed someone's advice for searching for the Mask of Light. So, since they were in the area of Ta-Koro, whom should they talk to but the wise Turaga of Fire?

"A Mask of Light, eh?" Vakama repeated, after listening to Takua's tale. "There are legends, yes. The legend states that if some moron Chronicler finds the Mask of Light, a plastic-producing company located in Denmark will decide that this story is so popular they should make a super-cheesy CGI movie out of it, but with awesome music."

"That's the legend of the Mask of Light?" Tahu blinked.

"Yeah," nodded Vakama. "And after that, they're going to make two more movies, one about some loser Toa Metru who doesn't want to be leader, and the other about some loser Toa Hordika who joins the Dark Side of the Force."

"But," Pewku injected, "wasn't it you who was the 'loser Toa Metru' and 'loser Toa Hordika'?"

"Shut up, you stupid crab!" Vakama shouted, whacking Pewku on the head with his staff. "Of course it wasn't me!"

"Then who-" Tahu began.

"Do you know where we can find the Mask of Light?" interrupted Takua.

Vakama thought for a moment. "Seek out the Gate Guardian," he replied, "he'll tell you."

"It seems we have a need to seek out the Gate Guardian," Turahk nodded.

"A touch... of Unity, Duty, Destiny!" Vakama said as he dropped pieces of a long-dead Ussal onto a table.

Everyone looked at Vakama as if he had just suggested that they should build a shrine devoted to the Director.

"Sorry," muttered Vakama, picking up the pieces of the Ussal, "I could resist, what with your line sounding like that line from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest..." He put away the dead Ussal parts, then looked at the group. "The Gate Guardian... he's usually in the Charred Forest. You'll find him there."

"Thank you," nodded Takua, and he got up, to leave.

"Oh, before you go," Vakama warned, "I have to warn you about something else you may encounter in the Charred Forest... something other than the Gate Guardian."

"And, just what else may we encounter?" asked Tahu. "It can't be Kapura – he was dragged away after being accused of being a Makuta Servant."

Vakama stared at the group. "Beware of... the Toa Metru!"

"The Toa Metru?" repeated Takua, a bit confused by the warning, and already believing that the leader of the Mata Nui Turaga had finally gone senile.

"Aye," nodded the Turaga. "The Toa Metru."


After a cruddy transition effect to show the passing of time, we go from Scene 24 to Scene 25, and here we see a very old hut in the center of the Charred Jungle. Takua, Pewku, Tahu, and Turahk walked over to the hut. They all traded glances, then Takua stepped up and knocked on the door of the hut.

"Enter!" replied an old, raspy voice coming inside the hut. Takua shrugged, then opened the door and stepped inside. Pewku was about to follow, but the voice continued, "No! The crab may not enter!" Pewku grumbled to herself as Tahu and Turahk walked inside the hut.

The three characters, whose names all happen to begin with the twentieth letter of the alphabet, looked around. They found a strange Rahi in the hut, who looked like it was a hastily thrown together model created from the pieces of an Oohnorak and a Vohtarak. Four eyes – two greenish, the other two yellowish – looked up at the group. Twin pincers snapped together at the same time, creating a sound more horrible than Pewku's talking. However, this creature didn't scare the group consisting of Takua, Tahu, and Turahk – instead, it made them laugh, because the creature was tiny!

"Hey, look how short it is!" laughed Tahu, pointing at the Gate Guardian. "Can I call you Shorty?"

"I am NOT short!" hissed the Gate Guardian. "It's just... an... illusion... And it isn't polite to point." Then, the Gate Guardian laughed insanely, even as the Director groaned.

"We're here to learn where the Mask of Light is," Takua said.

"Eh, what's that?" the Gate Guardian asked. "A Mask of Light?" More insane laughter.

Turahk hid behind his back a cell phone, which he was using to text message Kaj and Damek to come and take this seemingly insane Gate Guardian away (ha haa!).

"Where can we find it?" asked Tahu.

The Gate Guardian laughed again, more insane than before. Turahk sent the text message. "Go to the place where shadows roam free," he replied, "where giant pillars of green Jell-O hold Rahkshi Armor, and defeat the perils that await! Pass the gate of the giant Hau, and enter the tunnels of never-ending-ness! There, ye shall find a message left by an unknown Toa of unknown sanity, his last words carved on the wall! Cross the Bridge of Death and the Gorge of Eternal Peril, and ye be almost there! Sail the boats across the Silver Sea till ye find the City of Urban Legends, and there ye shall find... the Mask of Light!" The Gate Guardian burst into hysterics, in his most insane sounding fit of all.

Turahk's cell phone beeped – he had a new text message. Quickly, he opened up the text message, hoping it would mean Kaj and Damek were coming.


"Drat," muttered Turahk, putting away the cell phone.

"Well," nodded Takua, slowly backing away from the Gate Guardian, with Tahu and Turahk following suit, "thank you, so very much!" He backed into the door, and felt around for the doorknob. Upon finding it, he threw open the door and left the hut, Tahu and Turahk following.

Pewku was chewing a burnt stick. She looked at them. "So," she asked, "how'd it go?"

Takua shuddered. "That Gate Guardian... he was worse than you."


"So, let's try to figure out what the Gate Guardian was saying," thought Takua, as the group of four trudged through the Charred Forest, Pewku not paying attention and instead blabbering on about popcorn.

"Takua," reminded Turahk, "that Gate Guardian was pretty much crazy. What he was saying was probably made up!"

"I know," shrugged Takua, "but it'll make the time pass. Now, the place where shadows roam free, where pillars of Jell-O house Rahkshi suits... Turahk, you're a Rahkshi, you should know!"

"Probably the Mangaia," assumed Turahk.

"The gate of the giant Hau... what is that?" asked Takua.

"I don't know that," replied Turahk.

"Neither do I," added the Toa Nuva of Fire.

"Tunnels of never-ending-ness..." continued Takua. "No idea. Bridge of Death and Gorge of Eternal Peril? Probably self-explanatory, except I don't know where it is. Silver Sea... City of Urban Legends... why do the guys who give you all the clues always have to speak in riddle?"

"The way things are," replied Tahu.

"Shh!" hissed Turahk. "You hear that?"

Everyone stopped talking, except Pewku, who continued to talk about pretzels. Takua knocked her on the head, and she shut up.

In the background, one could faintly hear five male voices and one female voice saying one word over and over... "Ni!" And for every time they said that, the group flinched, except Pewku, who was completely oblivious to it.

"What is that?" asked Tahu. "What's making that horrible noise?"

"I wish I knew," muttered Takua, his hands over his ears, trying to block out the strange word, repeated over and over.

"And why are they quoting Monty Python's Holy Grail?" wondered Turahk.

"Most likely because the N-I word is so awesome, the screenwriter was too lazy to change it to something else," Takua replied. "Hope the Director isn't in the mood for another lawsuit..."

Their answer came sooner than they expected. Six Toa burst out from the trees, each crying out "Ni!" as they did so. Each one wore a Great version of the masks worn by the Turaga, and their color schemes were darker than those of the Toa Nuva, as well as using an over-usage of a strange, bluish-gray color.

"What are you?" asked Takua, struggling to recover from all the shouting of the strange word.

"We," said the Toa of Fire, who was apparently the leader, "are the Toa Metru who say... Ni!"

At that last word, the group of travelers recoiled yet again.

"Wait, the Toa Metru?" repeated Turahk. "I thought you guys became the Turaga?"

"Well, actually..." explained Toa Vakama.


1,000 Years Ago

At the Great Temple, the Toa Metru were trying to come up with a plan to remove the giant weed in the Metru-wide garden, only known as the Morbuzakh.

"Give it the over-used Pie/Pi joke!" cried out Onewa.

"Make it look at the future!" suggested Whenua, glancing at Nuju.

"Make it look at the past!" retorted Nuju, glaring at Whenua.

"Get a mirror and give it to it!" Matau suggested. "After all, it doesn't share my ever-handsome looks..."

"EXPLODE IT!" Vakama smiled, rubbing his hands together anxiously. Everyone looked at Vakama, as if he'd gone crazy. "I like explosions..." he muttered.

"Why did I ever agree to work with you dolts?" groaned Nokama, her hand on her head. "None of those plans will ever defeat the Morbuzakh!"

"Oh, really?" frowned Onewa, his arms crossed. "Then what will, school-teacher?"

"Well, there are legends," Nokama replied, "legends that may help us out."

But Vakama was not listening; instead, he was having yet another vision. In his vision, he saw Metru Nui get destroyed by an atomic bomb, and then six Great Disks started flying in the air and hitting him.

What Vakama never truly knew was that these weren't visions. These were hallucinations caused by eating the wrong kind of mushrooms.

When Vakama's "vision" ended, he found everyone once again staring at him as if he'd gone crazy. "I saw it!" he gasped. "Metru Nui was destroyed! The Great Disks... they were flying towards me..."

"Thank you," muttered Matau, "for telling us why we shouldn't eat the wrong kind of mushrooms."

Nokama glared at Matau. "Visions can be a sign of madness caused by eating bad mushrooms, yes," she explained, "but also can be messages from the Great Spirit."

Suddenly, a booming voice that could only belong to Mata Nui shouted, "VISIONS OF MADNESS CANNOT BE CAUSED BY ME, THE GREAT, ALMIGHTY, FLAWLESS, PURELY AWESOME, EXTREMELY MODEST MATA NUI!" As soon as the voice came, it was gone.

"Then again," muttered Nokama, "more than likely, it's visions of madness caused by eating bad mushrooms."


A while later, the six Toa Metru were in a chute station, preparing to steal some cargo of which consisted of a 'rare, powerful disk,' which Vakama thought would help pull the Morbuzakh out of the garden.

"Are you sure this is legal?" asked Nokama, one last time.

"Of course it isn't!" laughed Matau. "Quick-jumping into a chute to steal shipped supplies – of course it's bad-illegal! That's why it's so great!" He leaped into the chute, and then was gone.

A little while later, Matau and a box full of cargo flew out of the chute, plummeted downward, and crashed into a city block. The other five Toa Metru winced as they watched the crash. Matau shook himself, looked up at the other Toa Metru, smiled, and gave a thumbs-up. "That was one of my better landings!" he called.

"Oh, dear," whispered Onewa.

The five Toa Metru got down from the chute station and walked over to Matau and the supplies. Nokama looked at a note written on the cargo. It read: "Ship to The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE. Do not tamper with this equipment." She shrugged, and threw aside the note. They opened the lid of the box, and looked inside.

"Hey," Vakama smiled, pulling out an object that greatly resembled a Firestaff. "I wonder what this is..."

"I found a Kanoka!" cried out Matau, triumphantly holding up a Kanoka Disk. "I think it's one of the Great Disks!"

Before Nokama could grab it, a Dark Hunter named Krekka came into view, running through the streets and shouting like a maniac. He snatched up the disk, loaded in his launcher, ran around in circles for a few more times, then fired it at the six Toa Metru. Hold on, there's six... seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven... twelve Toa Metru?

After Krekka fired the Kanoka at the Toa Metru, each Toa Metru found himself or herself standing next to an exact copy. Mass confusion arose, and there was a half hour of nothing but the twelve of them screaming and running around in circles. Krekka had grown bored and ran off, but dropping the Kanoka on the ground in the process.

After they had calmed down, the six original and the six cloned Toa Metru looked at the Kanoka disk that Krekka had fired. On the backside, there was small writing: "Kanoka Disk of Cloning. Use with care."

"Okay," muttered the original Vakama, still clutching the Firestaff in his hand. "I guess that wasn't what we were looking for."


"So yeah," nodded Toa Vakama. "The original Toa Metru, they became the Turaga. We later found out that Toa Lhikan crafted the Kanoka Disk of Cloning, and actually used it on himself. That is why he's still running around LEGO Studios as a Toa. We're still here as great, powerful Toa Metru who say... NI!"

After not saying "Ni!" for a while, the word said so suddenly startled the group of four adventurers badly.

"Okay," trembled Takua. "So, Toa Metru who say... the word that is spelled with N and I, may we continue our journey?"

"It's a big can't-do," shrugged Toa Nokama. "However, there is a way..."

"How?" asked Tahu.

"To pass this way," continued Toa Vakama, "you must leave and come back once you've obtained... a sand-blue Komau!" Upon saying the words in italics, a cheesy "scary music chord" was played in the background.

Takua and his comrades shook in fear.

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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Chapter 10
The Tale of -

This title is interrupted by a sudden crashing noise in LEGO Studios. Director glared at Narrator, and ordered, "Go investigate!"

Narrator grumbled a bit, got up, and started to search LEGO Studios. More crashing was heard. With each crash, a tremor was accompanied, and at least ten times the Narrator stumbled with the tremor and fell.

At last, Narrator found what he was looking for. Turahk was standing in the Props Department, with 41 other Rahkshi. "And up!" Turahk said. He and all the other Rahkshi jumped, and came down with a crash. "And up!" Turahk repeated. They all jumped again, and came down with another crash. "And up!" Turahk repeated, but before any of them could jump again, Narrator intervened.

"STOP THAT, STOP THAT!" he shouted, waving his arms in the air. "OH, STOP THAT! CLEAR AWAY! SHOO!"

The 41 other Rahkshi groaned and left the building, leaving Turahk and Narrator still standing there.

"You too!" Narrator grumbled, pointing at Turahk. "Get going!"

"Okay," nodded Turahk, more than a bit reluctantly. "But pointing isn't polite."

Narrator smiled mischievously. "I'll pass that on to the Director later. But for now..."

Chapter 10
The Tale of Gali and Wheeljack

At the same time as Chapter 7, Chapter 8, and Chapter 9, but before the events of Chapter 11, deep in the jungles of Le-Wahi, in the village of Le-Koro, Turaga Matau and Tamaru were having a talk.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" shouted Tamaru stubbornly, like a 4-year-old who didn't get what he wanted. "I won't do it!"

"YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!" insisted Matau. "You will do it!"

Then again, I guess it was more of a shouting contest than a talk.

"You have just been too much bad-trouble lately," Turaga Matau told the Le-Matoran. "I need to keep a better eye on you. Therefore, you shall be living sky-higher and in my hut!"

"But I don't want to live sky-higher in your hut," retorted Tamaru, shaking his head.

"Why not?" asked Matau. "After all, it has lots of space, fresh air... even its own bar!"

At that moment, Lewa Nuva entered the village, glanced at the two of them, and began to walk away.

"Here," the Turaga continued, "I'll show you!"

The Turaga led Tamaru from tree to tree, across huge limbs, up vines, past a Le-Matoran dressed like Tarzan who kept on crashing into trees as the George of the Jungle theme played in the background, over a bridge that was NOT the Bridge of Death and did NOT span the Gorge of Eternal Peril, and at last they arrived at a huge, oversized hut, found in the highest part of Le-Koro.

They began to enter, but then Tamaru looked up at the previous sentence, realized that they were in the highest part of Le-Koro, looked down, saw the proof, grew dizzy, and promptly fell off the platform on which Matau's hut was located on.

Matau at first did not notice, and continued walking around in the hut. "How's about a drink?" he asked, walking over to the bar. When Tamaru did not reply, simply because he wasn't there, Matau chuckled and said, "Very well. More for me!" He poured himself a drink of Bula Juice, put a little umbrella thing inside the glass, turned, and realized that Tamaru wasn't there.

"Tamaru!" Matau yelled angrily. "Get back in here, you coward!"

Tamaru did not return.

Matau shouted a long string of curses, and then sipped down his drink to calm himself down.

The Turaga walked out of the huge, oversized hut found in the highest part of Le-Koro, over a bridge that was NOT the Bridge of Death and did NOT span the Gorge of Eternal Peril, past a Le-Matoran dressed like Tarzan who kept on crashing into trees as the George of the Jungle theme played in the background, down vines, across huge limbs, and from tree to tree.

At last, the Turaga of Air arrived outside of Le-Koro. He found several little coca bean-like elevators. He walked into one, and pushed the down button. Instead, the elevator began to rise. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" cried Matau, banging his arms on the walls of the elevator. Suddenly, with a screech, the elevator's ascent came to a halt.

A minute passed.

Without warning, the elevator rapidly descended, with Matau inside, screaming like a little girl. About halfway down, it stopped, quickly ascended, dropped again, halted again, ascended again, and dropped again, Matau still screaming like a little girl.


Director glared at Bob, the new Property Master of LEGO Studios. Bob studied the scenario, and then shrugged his shoulders, replying to an unasked question by stating, "It wasn't my idea to use the Tower of Terror elevators in Le-Koro."

Narrator chuckled. "But," he added, "whoever's idea was it, it was a great idea. Who ever knew that Turaga Matau screams like a little girl?"

Director smiled, perhaps for the first time since Chapter 1. "Yes, I guess it is funny," he agreed, pointing to Matau inside the ascending and descending elevator.

Bob looked at Director pointing. "Director!" he scolded. "How dare you point! Don't you know by now that it isn't polite?"

Director's response was punching Bob in the face, while Narrator giggled.


At last, the dreadful experience was over, and Turaga Matau, if not a bit shaky, stumbled out of the elevator, onto the marshy ground of Le-Wahi. In the background, he heard the voices of several Le-Matoran cheering, and some cheesy Star Wars music playing. Of course, Star Wars music is not cheesy; it's just that this was some cheap synthesized pirated version of the Star Wars music, which made it seem cheesy.

At last, he found Kongu, eyes shut, moving his arms about in a strange pattern. But he was having trouble concentrating, what with the cheering and the Star Wars music, so he opened his eyes and his arms dropped to his side. Without warning, an X-Wing fell right on top of Matau. For more information, please reread Chapter 7.

Matau started shouting curses at Kongu, who smiled sheepishly and apologized, "Sorry, I am." He closed his eyes and began moving his hands around again, and the X-Wing rose off of Matau.

Matau got up, grumbling, and began to search the area. At last, he found Tamaru, lying face-flat in the dirt. "Get up, you bloody Le-Matoran!" shouted Matau, kicking Tamaru.

This startled Tamaru back into consciousness. "I still don't want to live in your sky-higher hut, Turaga," he whimpered.

"Shut up!" Matau cried, kicking Tamaru again. "Now, if you don't want to live in my sky-higher hut, then what do you want to do?"

"I just want to," Tamaru replied, even as dramatic music began to build up in the background, "sing."

"No, no, stop that!" Matau ordered, waving his hands. The dramatic music obediently died away. "No, you will not be singing! Now, come with me!"

A little while later, after walking from tree to tree, across huge limbs, up vines, past a Le-Matoran dressed like Tarzan who kept on crashing into trees as the George of the Jungle theme played in the background, over a bridge that was NOT the Bridge of Death and did NOT span the Gorge of Eternal Peril, they arrived at Matau's oversized hut again, in the highest part of Le-Koro.

Tamaru read the end of the previous sentence, attempted to look over the edge of the platform to see if it was true, but a Kewa that was struggling to carry a coconut thanks to someone trying to experiment with that crashed into Tamaru, sending him flying into the hut.

"Now, Tamaru," Matau continued, "I've got to run a couple errands I've got to do. I'll trust that you will not leave this hut."

"Not at all?" Tamaru asked, his eyebrows rising and his eyes widening in surprise. "I can't leave this hut?"


"Not even to try-experiment with the Kewa-carrying-a-coconut mystery?"

"Nope. I want to do that myself, and get all the glory for myself!"

"Not even to visit the LEGO Studios cafeteria for lunch break?"

"Nope. Remember? There's a bar here?"

"But you have nothing but drinks there!"

"Who cares? If you're hungry, eat the drinks!"

"Turaga, is that possible?"

"Nothing's impossible! If it can be dreamed, it can be done!"

"Turaga, why are you quoting Teddy Roosevelt from Night in the Museum?"

"I, err... STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! Will you promise not to leave?"

Tamaru looked around. "Well, no, I can't promise that, Turaga..."

Turaga Matau frowned. "Very well," he muttered, clapping his hands.

Immediately, all lights in LEGO Studios went out, and the sounds of numerous crashes, high-pitched-girly-screams, and Director's angry shouting could be heard. Someone clapped again, and all the lights went back on. Taiki and Vira, having completed their lesson of the Force earlier on, were in the hut, cued in by Matau's clapping.

The Turaga looked at them. "Now," he instructed, "while I'm gone, you two are to make sure that Tamaru doesn't leave."

"Ah," nodded Taiki. "So, while Tamaru is gone, we are to make sure you don't leave."

"No!" corrected Matau. "While I'm gone, you aren't supposed to let Tamaru leave."

"Oh," nodded Vira. "We're going to leave, and Tamaru is supposed to make sure that you enter this hut."

"NO!" Matau corrected. "Until I return, you are to make sure Tamaru doesn't leave!"

"I see!" nodded Taiki. "As long as you're gone, we're not to enter your hut!"

"Yes – I mean, NO!" shouted the Turaga. "You stay here, you guard him, and make sure he doesn't leave!"

"Alright," nodded Vira. "While we enter the hut, you leave and guard him!"

"NO, YOU MORONS!" cried Matau. "I go, and you guard him! Got it?"

"Got it!" replied both members of the Gukko Bird Force in unison.

"Good," sighed Matau, and he began to leave. However, Taiki and Vira both left with him. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed Matau.

"We're coming with you!" smiled Taiki.

"NO! You stay here, I go, and you make sure Tamaru doesn't leave!" Matau instructed.

"We stay here," repeated Vira, "you go, and we make sure Tamaru doesn't leave!"

"Good!" sighed Matau, and he began to leave again. Dramatic music began to build. Matau stepped inside the hut again, shook his fist at Tamaru, and shouted, "AND NO SINGING!"

The music died away, and Tamaru frowned. Suddenly, as the Turaga left, Tamaru got an idea, and scribbled something on a note.

To Whom It May Concern:
You are a big, ugly, fat Rahaga-thing that doesn't deserve to live, addicted to Cheetos! Your mama is so ugly that when Gadunka saw her, he thought he was looking at a mirror! You are obsessed with Google and YAHOO! Billboards! Give me all your money, or I will continue to insult you!
- Etc., etc.

Tamaru pondered a moment, then scratched it all out and wrote a new note. He tied it to an arrow that had appeared out of nowhere, grabbed a bow that also appeared out of nowhere (continuity errors), aimed out the window, and fired.


By now, this is after the events of the ending of Chapter 8. Gali and Wheeljack had led Pohatu to safety, where he could hide from the infected Tarakava. So, Toa Gali Nuva and Wheeljack were walking through the jungles of Le-Wahi, searching for the Mask of Light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an arrow with a conveniently-attached note flew out of the sky and hit Wheeljack in the chest. "Got a message for you, Gali!" the Ta-Matoran gasped before he fell to the ground.

"Wheeljack!" cried Gali, and she ran to his side. She plucked out the arrow and noticed the note. She opened it, and this is what it read:

Dear rescuer,
My Turaga is imprisoning me in his sky-higher hut, despite the fact I've got fears of height. Against my will, may I add? Come to Le-Koro, and rescue me from Matau's hut, brave rescuer!
- Tamaru

"Tamaru's in trouble!" muttered Gali, reading the note. "I should rescue him!" She looked to the fallen body of Wheeljack. "Poor Wheeljack," she whispered, "you shouldn't have died in this not-quite-so-bold manner!"

Wheeljack's eyes opened. "I'm not quite dead yet," he replied.

"Oh," nodded Gali. "Then, you shouldn't have been mortally wounded-"

"I'm getting better," replied Wheeljack.

"You should wait and rest here," insisted Gali. "I've got a Le-Matoran to save!"


It didn't take long for Gali to find Le-Koro, thanks to Hafu's signs reading, "Le-Koro this way. HAFU RULEZ!" She entered one of the coca bean-like elevators and pushed the up button. Thankfully, she happened to find the only elevator that wasn't a Tower of Terror elevator, and she got to Le-Koro without trouble.

Walking from tree to tree, across huge limbs, up vines, past a Le-Matoran dressed like Tarzan who kept on crashing into trees as the George of the Jungle theme played in the background, over a bridge that was NOT the Bridge of Death and did NOT span the Gorge of Eternal Peril, she found Matau's hut.

Walking right past the oblivious Taiki and Vira, she found Tamaru. "You're Tamaru, right?" she asked, just to make sure.

"Toa Gali!" smiled Tamaru. "I don't believe it! You're here to rescue me!" They strode right past Taiki and Vira, out of Matau's hut, and Tamaru decided, "It's such a joyous time, I must sing!" Dramatic music began to build up.

Suddenly, Turaga Matau appeared out of nowhere, waving his hands and shouting, "NO SINGING!" The music quickly died away. Then, the Turaga realized that Tamaru was outside the hut. Angrily, he stormed away from them and towards Vira and Taiki. "You let him escape?" he screamed. "Do you realize what's going to happen?"

"Why, yes..." replied Vira.


The Rahi Nui, drool dripping from its maw, roared at the company, a long, terrible, loud, saliva-packed roar. It seemed to last forever, but halfway through the Rahi Nui paused to take a breath before continuing.

When it was done, all members of Takua's company began to scream, a long, high-pitched, girly, not-so-brave scream. It also seemed to last forever, but halfway through they paused to take a breath before continuing.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" asked Turaga Matau.

"You asked me what's going to happen, and I answered!" smiled Vira.

Meanwhile, while the Turaga continued to rant at Vira and Taiki, Tamaru and Gali began to walk away from the hut. "Don't look down," muttered Tamaru to himself, "don't look down..."

But, as it turns out, the LEGO Studios crew was having lunch on the set again, and left one of their banana peels there. Tamaru slipped and as a result, looked down. "I'm looking down!" he yelled, then screamed. The Le-Matoran panicked, fainted, and fell right off the platform and began to fall towards the marshy ground of Le-Wahi.

"Oh, dear," muttered Gali, who was already on her way down to make sure he was alright. Once again, she happened to choose the one non-Tower of Terror elevator, got down to the ground, and found Tamaru. "You're not dead?" she asked. "But how?"

"Nope," he replied. "I'll tell you how! No, better yet – I'll sing to you how, because I can!"

Dramatic music began to build, but from above, Turaga Matau shouted, "NO SINGING!"

Edited by PeabodySam
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Chapter 11
The Search for the Mask of Light Sand-Blue Komau

Director read the title, noticing the crossed out part. He glared at Frank, the LEGO Studios screenwriter.

"I got confused," replied Frank.

Returning to the misadventures of Takua, Pewku, Tahu, and Turahk, they are now on a quest to seek out a Sand-Blue Komau to seek a way to pass into the territory of the Toa Metru, in case the Mask of Light is in there. They knew not to search Ta-Koro, since the only Ta-Matoran with a blue Kanohi isn't really a Ta-Matoran, more of an Av-Matoran, but nobody knew nor cared; they knew not to search Le-Koro, because nobody there wore sand-blue; they knew not to search Onu-Koro, because nobody wore any type of blue; they knew not to search Po-Koro, because they hated blue; that left only Ga-Koro and Ko-Koro. In truth, none of them were in the mood to go to cold, bitter Ko-Koro, so they decided to skip that and go straight to Ga-Koro.

Upon reaching the gates of Ga-Koro, they found something unpleasant that they did not expect to find...

"TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR!" shouted the Tarakava, before running over to them and starting to punch them.

"Ow!" winced Turahk. "No wonder he wants to see the doctor." He grabbed two pots and pans that appeared out of nowhere (stupid continuity errors) and slammed it down on top of the Rahi's head. The threat that which was the sick Tarakava was no more.

After spending an hour trying to think of how to open the gate, instead of doing the puzzle, Tahu solved the problem by simply burning down the gate. Noticing the stares of Turahk and Takua, and the blank stare of Pewku, he muttered, "Look, I'm not a pyromaniac, and I don't say 'BURN STUFF!' That doesn't mean that I can't burn anything."

The four of them entered the village. However, the bridge connecting the gate to the main village wasn't designed to support a Matoran, a Toa, a Rahkshi, and a super-fat Ussal at the same time, so it promptly sank, and our 'heroes' were left in the water.


Bob watched this, and shook his head. "Drat, I knew I shouldn't have bought that bridge at the High Price, Low Quality! shop."

"I told you to buy it at the Low Price, High Quality! shop!" screamed the Director. "Now go buy us a new bridge!" He pointed towards the door.

"Not polite to point," muttered Bob, walking away.

Director heard this, and whacked Bob on the head with a clapperboard.


A little while later, after prop master Bob bought us a new bridge at Low Price, High Quality!, the four of them crossed the bridge into Ga-Koro. Much to their disappointment, there was no sand-blue Komau. However, Amaya did have a regular-blue Komau, and Vhisola had a dark-blue Komau. This gave Takua a brilliant idea...

"NO!" they both shouted when Takua came walking over carrying sand-blue spray paint.

Not such a brilliant idea, I guess.

Anyways, disappointed, they left Ga-Koro. With a cruddy transition effect to show the passing of time (who hires these horrible editors?), we see them in Ko-Wahi. Every one of them, except for Pewku who was too stupid to realize it, was very cold. Luckily for them, it was one of the warmer days in Ko-Koro.

They passed on by the Ko-Koro Cable Car Station. The cable car was nowhere to be seen, so Tahu, Turahk, and Pewku naturally assumed that it was at the Ta-Koro Cable Car Station. Takua looked down the cable line, even as the others walked away. He thought his eyes were deceiving him, but he could swear that at one part of the cable, Spider-Man was holding on with one hand, the other holding a white rope attached to the cable car, in which seated were several other Matoran. Nearby, hovering on some strange hovercraft or something was the Green Goblin, watching and laughing. Takua watched this strange sight, shrugged, and moved on.

At last, the group of four found the gates of Ko-Koro, located between two massive glaciers. They entered the village of ice. It was very much as one who played MNOLG would expect. Lots of snow... Talvi and Pakastaa frozen to the bone, stuck out in the cold weather... poorly- and hastily-made snowmen... huts covered in snow and ice, assuming they aren't built from snow and ice... no wait, they're just cheap plastic models made by Bob... an empty stillness in the air... Christmas trees, fully decorated, even though it was July... sound effects labeled "Monk Horn" in the MNOLG files, even though it sounds more like a guy screaming as he falls off of Mount Ihu... yeah, basically that.

Tahu looked around. "It's quiet," he muttered. "Too quiet. Where is everyone?" He turned to look at Turahk. "You scared them all off, didn't you?"

"Why me?" asked the Rahkshi.

"Because you're the fear Rahkshi, that's why!" accused Tahu.

"It wasn't me," retorted Rahkshi, who then gestured towards Pewku. "It was her existence that drove everyone off!"

Takua rubbed his chin. "Yes, that's an extremely likely possibility," he murmured.

"HEY!" Pewku shouted. "Why is everyone making fun of-"

Jaa poked his head out of the Ko-Koro Sanctum. "Would you morons quiet down?" he hissed. "We're trying to work here!" Then, he drew his head back inside the Sanctum.

Everyone traded glances. "So I guess that's where they are," shrugged Takua.

Upon walking inside the sanctum, once again those of you that played MNOLG would find no surprise here. The Ko-Matoran were busy reading the long writings of prophecies on the walls of the sanctum, which were actually written copyrights of LEGO and Templar Studios, along with a bunch of sentences stolen from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. On the far side of the sanctum, an old-school but out-of-date normal Akaku was carved into the wall. Below the Akaku was a campfire, where Matoro and Nuju were busy roasting marshmallows.

"Wow," whispered Turahk. "It's all so big..."

All the Ko-Matoran turned towards him. "Be quiet!" warned Lumi in a whisper.

"But I was whispering," replied Turahk, speaking in a normal tone.

"WOULD YOU STOP SHOUTING?" hissed Kylma. "Have you no respect for us, you ungrateful chunk of Ruki bait?"

"Sorry," muttered Turahk.

"And would someone get that disgusting crab out of this sacred building?" added Jaa.

"Gladly," nodded Takua, and he shoved Pewku out, despite the Ussal Crab's protests.

The Ko-Matoran returned to reading the walls. Takua, Tahu, and Turahk walked over to the campfire, glad to get some warmth.

Nuju looked up from his marshmallow cooking, noticed their presence, and smiled. "Hola, Takua, Tahu, y Turahk." he greeted them. "¿Como estas?"

The three of them traded glances. "Err, what?" asked Tahu.

Nuju frowned. "¿Que?" When they did not reply, he asked again, "¿Como estas?"

"Wait, it's Spanish! Do either of you know Spanish?" asked Takua to his comrades. Tahu and Turahk shook their heads. Takua looked at the Turaga of Ice. "Sorry, Nuju, but we can't speak Spanish."

Nuju grew confused. "No comprendo ingles," he told them.

"I'll just pretend that he didn't say that, because I don't know what it means," shrugged Turahk.

"He just said 'I don't understand English,'" reported the Ko-Matoran named Matoro, who unlike Nuju did not pause in cooking his marshmallow. "I'm the only one on Mata Nui – or at least on the LEGO Studios set – that can speak both English and Spanish, so I've got the unlucky job of serving as his translator. How may I help you?"

"Well," Takua replied, "first off, you could help us by figuring out a way to get the Director to fire Pewku and to give me a raise in my paycheck."

Matoro chuckled. "As much as I'd love to do the former, I can't do it. To do it, I have to leave Nuju's side. Nuju gets all angry and stuff when I'm not by his side. Because I serve as his translator, if I'm not with him, then he can't go to the supermarket. If he can't go to the supermarket, then he can't buy marshmallows. If he can't buy marshmallows, then he can't eat them. If he can't eat them, then he's grumpy. You don't want to see him when he's grumpy."

"I see," nodded Takua. "The second thing you can do is help us out on this. Do you know where we can get... a sand-blue Komau?" Upon saying those last words, the cheesy "scary music chord" was played in the background again.

Matoro looked up in fear. "What is it you want with that?"

"We need one to gain passage through the charred forest," answered Turahk. "If we don't get one... we still need it."

"I don't know..." murmured Matoro, stroking his chin. "I know where you can get one, but if I tell you, he may not ever forgive me..."

"Then there's only one thing to do," Takua said. He winked at Tahu and Turahk, and they attacked.

"NI!" shouted Takua.

Matoro winced.

"NI!" said Turahk.

Matoro shuddered.

"NOO!" mispronounced Tahu.

"No, it's 'NI'," corrected Takua, "an 'e' sound, like in Eat your Mukau-burgers."

"Okay," nodded Tahu. "Even though I'm a vegetarian... NI!"

Matoro quaked in fear.




"ALRIGHT!" screamed Matoro, trembling from the attack. "I'll tell you! Kopeke has one!"


It didn't take long for the group of three red-armored characters to find Kopeke. He was in the LEGO Studios Screening Room, where the different videos on the screen were all focused on the Ko-Koro Cable Car Station. "Erm, excuse me," Takua asked.

"..." replied Kopeke.

"You see," Takua continued, "we're going to need your Komau, because it's sand-blue, and we need it..."


"So... can we have it?"

"NO!" shouted Kopeke, surprising the three others with his sudden outburst of sound. "YOU CAN'T TAKE IT! IT'S MINE! MY PRECIOUS!"

Despite the screaming and protesting of the Ko-Matoran, Takua, with the help of Turahk and Tahu of course, managed to pry the sand-blue Komau off of Kopeke's face.

Kopeke suddenly stopped screaming, remembering that he happened to have a spare Kanohi. He walked over to a gray Kanohi Matatu, which was in his closet. He put on the mask and his strength returned.

"Now, off to see to those Toa Metru!" smiled Takua.

"Hey," asked Turahk, looking around, "where's Pewku?"


Atop one of the two glaciers, Pewku hugged the Madu Cabolo she had worked so hard to find in this cold climate. Suddenly, the impulse came over her to plant the unripe fruit in the ground. She laid the Madu on top of the glacier, and jumped on top of it, forcing it into the 'ground'.

It promptly exploded.

An audible crack was heard, and a visible crack in the glacier followed. The glacier started to move, crushing most of Ko-Koro under its weight. The angry shouts and curses of the Ko-Matoran could be heard for kilometers.

"Oops," Pewku smiled sheepishly, and she crawled away slowly.

Edited by PeabodySam
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Chapter 12
United, We Say It

"What kind of title is that?" demanded Director.

"Yeah," nodded Narrator, "I'd like to know, too. It was in the script..."

"The script?" Director repeated. He glared at Frank once again.

Frank raised both his hands into the air. "It wasn't me!" he cried. "My stunt double paid me five bucks to put that in there! He's over there..." He pointed towards the LEGO Studios Cafeteria.

"Pointing? That's not very polite," noted Hank, the LEGO Studios Gaffer, who happened to be standing nearby.

Director, scowling, punched Hank in the stomach and walked towards the LEGO Studios Cafeteria to look for Frank's stunt double so he could do the same to him. It would be several hours before he remembered that Frank was part of the LEGO Studios Crew, and therefore had no stunt double. By then, Frank had already found a good hiding spot in the Props Department.


Walking from the LEGO Studios Screening Room to LEGO Studios Stage 2, Takua, Turahk, Tahu, and Pewku all found themselves back in the Charred Forest. They had to figure out where the Toa Metru were, so first stop...

"No way!" cried Turahk. "We are NOT visiting that psychopath again!"

"Don't worry," assured Takua, "we don't actually have to find him; all we have to do is find his hut!"

"But we don't remember where we found it," Tahu muttered. "It's a place that cannot be found."

"So all we have to do is get hopelessly lost, and we'll find it," instructed Takua. "Of course, everyone knows that to find a place that cannot be found, one must get lost... literally!"

"Sounds a bit like Pirates of the Caribbean: At World' End..." murmured Pewku.

So, under Takua's command, the four of them began to aimlessly wander the Charred Forest and very soon got lost.

Now, if they had paid $3.00 for a LEGO Studios Brochure, they would've only needed to open it up and look inside to find a map, where they could've just gone straight to the crazy Gate Guardian's hut, which would've been a one-minute long walk, or even better, skipped the Gate Guardian's hut and went straight to the hiding place of the Toa Metru, which would've been a half-minute long walk. But, because they didn't, instead of taking anywhere from 30 to 60 seconds, it took somewhere from 30 hours to 60 hours before they finally found the Gate Guardian's hut.

Posted outside of the hut was a sign reading:


Now, as to why the Gate Guardian would use that sign, being that Hafu carved it and "signed" it, I have no idea. Perhaps he's just crazy... oh, wait, I forgot, he is crazy.

"Okay," nodded Takua. "Here we are. Now, from here, we must turn east..."

"No," disagreed Tahu, "from here, we turned west!"

"East!" shouted Takua.

"West!" yelled Tahu.



"Shut up, the both of you!" yelled Turahk. "Now, let's have a vote. Who wants to go east?"

Takua raised his hand.

"Who wants to go west?"

He raised his hand, and so did Tahu.

"Who wants to call 1-800-East-West Mortgage Co.?"

Pewku raised her claw.

"Alright then, we're going west."

And so, the four of them turned and began to go west. They walked off-camera, but Phil Maker the Cameraman had fallen asleep on the job and didn't pan the camera over to see where they were going. Therefore, we never truly found out what happened, but all we know is what we heard.

Right after they walked off-camera, we suddenly heard a sound similar to that of a car's tires skidding. We heard several crashes, and the skidding noise continued. Abruptly, a crash loud enough to shake the entire building was heard.

This woke up Phil, and he quickly panned the camera to the west, only to find the four characters running east.

"Then again," Turahk said between breaths, "I guess we can afford to go east!"

A couple minutes of walking east, and the four of them found themselves right where they had last seen the Toa Metru who said "NI!" To their surprise, nobody could hear the Toa Metru's chanting of the word "NI!"

"Okay!" Takua called into the trees. "We're back, and we've got the sand-blue... erm, the thing you requested! Can you come out of hiding now, Toa Metru who say 'NI!'?"

At once, six beings stepped out from the trees. The eyes of Takua, Tahu, and Turahk (Pewku wasn't paying attention) widened in shock at this sight. While they were recognizably Toa Vakama, Toa Nokama, and the rest, they all looked very different. They had silver, shield-like armor on their chests, and their feet were also silver. Their left arms were short, while their right arms featured a lame gear function – the bending of an elbow. They had Rhotuka launchers on their backs, a bad place for it because the ripcord would stab them in the chest every time they launched a Rhotuka. Their masks were fused to their faces and looked freakish, with Toa Matau's face definitely the worst. In fact, Toa Matau was sobbing, and Toa Nokama had laid her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"You've found the sand-blue Komau?" asked Toa Vakama. "Splendid! Put the Kanohi there!" He gestured to a tree stump.

Takua, who was holding the mask, glanced nervously at his companions, then walked over to the tree stump, and laid the mask on top of it.

"Mata Nui!" gasped Tahu Nuva, finding words at last. "What in Mata Nui's name happened to the six of you?"

"Well," snarled Toa Onewa, "the overconfidence of our 'leader,' Toa Vakama, has led us to being captured and mutated by the Elite Visorak!"

Toa Vakama glared at him.

"Yes!" sobbed Toa Matau, tears still pouring down his face. "Look at me! I'm hideous! I'm no longer a handsome Toa-Hero! They made me ugly! Curse those Elite Visorak!"

"Don't worry," whispered Toa Nokama, patting his shoulder, "don't worry, you'll be handsome again, you'll see!"

"This," Toa Vakama said, turning back towards Takua and the others, "brings me to my next point. You have done well in your quest for the sand-blue Komau, but now that the Elite Visorak have mutated us, there's a little problem. We are no longer the Toa Metru who say 'NI!', but now we are the Toa Hordika!"

"Who say...?" asked Turahk.

"Erm," Vakama Hordika murmured, looking back at the other Toa Hordika, "what should we say that sounds cool?"

Silence, then Nuju Hordika spoke up. "Click, click, click, whistle, boing!" he suggested.

Vakama Hordika raised an eyebrow, then shrugged, turned back to Takua and the others, and told them, "Very well, we are the Toa Hordika who say 'click, click, click, whistle, boing!' Now, that raises a problem, because now we have a different set of standards. To pass this way, you must find... yet another sand-blue Komau!" The last three words having been spoken, the cheesy "scary music chord" played in the background.

Takua couldn't believe his ears. "Another one?" he gasped.

"Yes, another one," nodded Vakama Hordika. "And you shall put the second one next to the first one right there. If you, for some reason, are unable to complete this task, you will do another task."

"Which is...?" asked Tahu.

"You shall go into the deepest part of the Charred Forest," Vakama Hordika informed, "find the largest tree of the forest, and then cut this tree down... with a RUKI!" The Toa Hordika held a Ruki fish up high in one hand, even as the "scary music chord" played in the background again.

Takua looked grimly and nervously at the Rahi fish. "I'm sorry," he told Vakama Hordika, "but it cannot be done!"

"AHH!" Vakama Hordika screamed suddenly, and the other Toa Hordika quaked in fear.

"What is it?" asked Takua.

The Toa Hordika shuddered again. "You said the word!" Vakama Hordika shouted.

"What word?"

"You said the word that we Toa Hordika cannot bear to hear!"

"Which word is it?"

"AAHH! I cannot tell you, for we cannot speak of the word!"

"Well, if you won't tell us, then how will we know not to say it?"

"AAHH!" screamed all the Toa Hordika in unison.

"What, it?" asked Pewku.

The Toa Hordika screamed once more.

Takua's eyes widened in surprise. Could it be that Pewku, the moron of the group, had discovered the word that the Toa Hordika couldn't bear to hear?

At that moment, there came the sound of footsteps. Pohatu, Wheeljack, and Gali suddenly burst out from the underbrush. "Oh, hello Takua!" smiled Pohatu. "Fancy seeing you here."

"It is nice to see you!" Takua grinned.

The Toa Hordika screamed yet again.

Gali noticed that the word 'it' was in italics and that the Toa Hordika were screaming, and she immediately caught on. "The quest," Gali inquired, "how is it going?"

The Toa Hordika fell to their knees in agony.

"Oh yes," Tahu replied, "it is going great."

Toa Vakama Hordika howled in pain. "He said it!" he cried. Suddenly, his eyes widened in shock, and his hands went to his mouth. "Oh, no, I said it!" Behind him, Toa Whenua and Toa Nuju couldn't take it any longer and fainted. "Argh! I said it again!" Toa Onewa, Toa Nokama, and Toa Matau fled the scene. "OHEZ NOZE, I keep saying it!" Because Toa Vakama was such a moron and kept on saying the forbidden word, he screamed, then fainted.

Turahk looked at the others. "I guess that means we can pass?" he shrugged.


Meanwhile, Turaga Whenua's mute-ation had worn off, and he was able to speak. It was a good time too, because the Vahki had arrived. All six types of Vahki – Nuurakh, Bordakh, Vorzakh, Zadakh, Rorzakh, and Keerakh – had come to Whenua's call. The Vahki traded glances, then the Bordakh addressed Whenua. "Yes, what is it you want?"

Whenua blinked. "How are you talking?" he asked.

"Well, you see," the Keerakh explained, "because this is not a canon story, we're allowed to speak. Plus, when we found out that Pewku was allowed to speak, we practically demanded that the Director allow us to speak."

"Ah, I see," nodded Whenua. "Anyways, I had a little... incident earlier, and I need you to arrest two individuals responsible for ruining a demonstration of mine."

"Yes?" asked the Vorzakh. "Who are these individuals?"

"Well, one was the Zivon, and the other..."

Whenua's voice trailed off. What was the name of the Toa who had melted all his drills? He, the history geek, couldn't remember the Toa's name! I guess, he thought, I really shouldn't have stolen and eaten those marshmallows from Nuju!

"Well, the other was a Toa. I forget his name, but to be sure, you'll have to arrest them all."

The Nuurakh nodded. "Will do." He turned to start walking away, but he was the only one who did so, so he immediately crashed into Rorzakh.

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Chapter 13
The Search for the Mask of Light Toa Lewa Nuva

And so, the journey of the Chronicler's Company continued, with the exception of Lewa, who was nowhere to be seen. The remainder of the company searched the area of the Charred Forest guarded by the Toa Hordika, but the Mask of Light could not be found. Because of their short attention spans, they dropped the idea of searching the Charred Forest and they turned to a different matter. Everyone wondered, just where is that stupid optimistic Toa Nuva of Air, a question to be voiced by Tahu.

"Everyone wondered," Tahu asked, "just where is that stupid optimistic Toa of Air, a question to be voiced by Tahu." He blinked, read the sentence that I had narrated, and muttered, "Darn narrators... they really get to your mind."

"We have to find him," declared Takua. "Foolish and optimistic he may be, but he's part of our team, so we must rescue him, right?"

"Uh..." Turahk thought, scratching his head.

"We do?" asked Pohatu, surprised.

"Not really..." Wheeljack mumbled.

"Yes, great show of spirit towards finding your fellow Toa," muttered Takua, rolling his eyes. "We search for Lewa, and then we continue our search for the Mask of Light."

"Right," grumbled the rest of the company.

"Come on, cheer up!" Takua cried, waving his arms. "You all forget that he's the guy who makes the world's best BBQ Mukau-burgers!"

At once, the rest of the Chronicler's Company flared to life. "Why didn't you say so?" asked Gali. "Let's go!"

So, the Chronicler's Company, now with a reason to find Toa Lewa, walked off camera to the right. Phil (now awake) panned the camera to the left to see Lewa, Sanso, Makani, and Kongu walking into the scene. Each of them looked around.

"I could swear I heard voices from over here," Sanso murmured.

"That's just in your head," explained Makani. "You're always complaining about hearing voices, even when nobody's in your hut."

"Oh, really?" smirked Sanso, at last figuring something out. "If nobody is in my hut when I hear the voices, how would you know?"

"Darn," scowled Makani, who had, along with Orkahm and Shu, always waited just outside Sanso's hut, talking to each other and listening to Sanso going crazy about hearing voices even when alone. Now, thanks to a slip of the tongue, Sanso knew the truth.

"Trust these voices, wise you'll be," advised Kongu.

"Yes," nodded Lewa, "those voices belonged to Tahu, Takua, Turahk, Pohatu, Wheeljack, and Gali!"

Sanso gasped. "So now you're telling me that these guys are pulling pranks on me too?"

Lewa glared at the Le-Matoran musician, then declared, "They must be search-looking for me! I will relieve them of their search!"

"Take caution, you must," warned Kongu. "Be a trap, this may."

"You've been watching too much Empire Strikes Back, haven't you?" asked Makani. "And now you're paranoid that everything, like Han and Leia at Cloud City, is a trap?"

"Not paranoid from Empire Strikes Back am I," frowned Kongu. Then he smiled. "Paranoid from LEGO Star Wars games am I, in which literally a trap everything is!"

"True," nodded Makani. "Very true."

"Well," Lewa smiled, hopping onto a tree branch, "let's go and glad-greet them! I'll do this in style!"

At that moment, the branch snapped, because it was bought not by Bob but by the previous Prop Master who always buys stuff from flea markets. Lewa initially fell towards the ground, but angled his fall so instead he grabbed a vine. He swung over to a second vine, but because the old Prop Master also purchased that second vine, that one broke while Lewa was holding onto it.

Lewa was sent crashing down into the mud. Spitting out the wet dirt, he attempted to stand up, but slipped and came falling down. His momentum, plus the fact that he was at the top of a hill, sent him crashing downwards even more, throwing him into the LEGO Studios backstage, and smashing him into a support beam. The beam fell intact onto the floor.

Lewa attempted to stand up one more time, but because Hank and Phil ate lunch in LEGO Studios Stage 2, rather than the LEGO Studios Cafeteria like they're supposed to, Lewa slipped on a banana peel and collapsed, falling on top of one end of the beam. Meanwhile, up above, a part of the ceiling gave way, falling on the other end of the beam. That force acted like a catapult, throwing Lewa back onto the set, and in fact crashing into Turahk, sending both of them crashing into a tree.

It seemed to be all over, but then that tree fell on top of both of them.


"BOB!" shouted Director angrily. "GET OVER HERE, I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU!"

"Um, Director?" the Narrator said, tapping on the Director's shoulder. "If you yell that he's going to get fired, then don't you think he won't come?"

"Fire," muttered Director. Then he resumed his shouting. "BOB! GET OVER HERE, I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU GIVE YOU A SANDWICH!"

Bob fell for it, and walked over to the Director's chair. Director then grabbed a pink paper and handed it to Bob.

"Erm, what is this?" asked Bob, looking over the pink paper.

"Your pink slip," replied Director, in a matter-of-fact kind of voice.

"Why?" trembled the Prop Master.

"For buying those terrible, cheap props."


"Now, pack your things, and GET OUT!"

"But I didn't buy those props!"

"Whatever, and - huh? What are you saying?"

"They were bought by that other Prop Master, the guy who-"


"... you can't."

"Why? Is he going to sue me?"

"No... you already fired him..."


With that, the Director grabbed the pink paper from Bob, then walked over to the telephone. He dialed a number. He waited a moment, then said, "Hello, are you that Prop Master guy who bought everything from the flea market?" A short pause, and then Director continued, "Oh, good! I've got good news: you're hired!" An even shorter pause, and Director added, "Oh, dear, I've got bad news now that you're hired: you're fired!" Incomprehensible yelling could be heard on the other line, but Director simply smiled and said, "Hey, if you want to fire someone that you already fired, you must hire him first!"

Suddenly Director frowned. "What's that?" Pure hatred suddenly twisted his features. "STOP SAYING THAT POINTING ISN'T POLITE! YOU'RE FIRED – oh, wait, you're already fired. You're hired! Hah, you're fired again!"

Director immediately hung up, and angrily walked back over to his chair. He buried his head in his hands, muttering, "I need a break."


"What the heck...?" groaned Turahk, shoving Lewa and the tree off of him. He started at the sight of the Toa Nuva or Air. "Hey, guys, look, it's Lewa!"

The company had finally met up with Lewa, along with Kongu, Makani, and Sanso, and there was much rejoicing.

"Yay..." muttered the rest of the company, sounding very bored.

Ahem... I said, there was much rejoicing.

"Yay..." muttered the rest of the company, sounding very bored.

REJOICE, MORONS! Guys, seriously, remember that he's the guy who makes all the delicious Mukau-burgers!

"Yay..." muttered the rest of the company, showing a bit more enthusiasm this time, but not a lot.


"YAY!" cheered the rest of the company, sounding very happy.


Some time was taken out to repair the support beam that Lewa accidentally knocked over. That Prop Master that was not Bob ended up paying for the damage when, for the first time in history, Director did not lose the lawsuit!

So, after that, the journey of the Chronicler's Company would've continued if not for the fact that they first needed to take another break to eat at the LEGO Studios Cafeteria. After they were done with eating, they should've returned to shooting, but they decided to have a food fight first. When the battle was over, they were forced to clean the mess. After that, the journey of the Chronicler's Company continued.

After a bit of traveling, Makani, Sanso, and Kongu decided that it was just too quiet. So they began to play their instruments (Kongu was given a portable xylophone, to make sure that he didn't sing). After the first 45 minutes, Takua and the others began to realize that they only knew (and were repetitively playing) just one song, the song that the Le-Koro band plays in MNOLG (the song about Toa Lewa was actually set to the tune of that song). Eventually, they grew annoyed of hearing the same tune over and over and over and over and over, so they decided to kick the three Le-Matoran out of the company.

And there was much rejoicing.

"Yay..." muttered the company, sounding very bored.

Argh... do we need to go over this AGAIN?

Anyways, after they kicked Makani, Sanso, and Kongu out, they began to realize that they still had no clue about where the Mask of Light was. They didn't truly realize this until they had searched a big rock in Po-Wahi for the Mask of Light.

"So then," Takua announced, "we are going to seek the only one that knows legends about the Mask of Light!"

"Um, Greg Farshtey?" guessed Gali.

"Not quite," Takua shook his head. "You see, Greg Farshtey knows facts about the Mask of Light. But finding out the facts would just be too easy, and would mean this movie would get poor reviews. If this movie gets poor reviews, the Director deducts money from our paycheck, which we don't receive until after the movie is reviewed. Now, if we talk to one who knows legends about the Mask of Light, then it's more challenging, this movie could get better reviews, and thus we get more money on our paycheck."

"Well then," nodded Tahu, "who is this person you're thinking of, who knows legends of the Mask of Light but not facts?"

Takua's eyes narrowed and he turned in the direction of Ta-Koro. A huge explosion was heard, followed by another, and yet another. "Turaga Vakama," he replied.

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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For context: the scene where Pekka is talking about "Camp Greenlake" was meant to be foreshadowing for a later chapter that was never written.

As mentioned in a previous context note,
Ask Hafu! by Darth Jaller was another contemporary of BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light! and The Rock Raiders Meet BIONICLE, wherein a running gag was Hafu screaming angrily that he did not have anger management issues.


Chapter 14
Turaga Vakama

Turning away from the big rock that they were previously looking underneath for the Mask of Light, Takua and his company started to head in the direction of Ta-Koro. But of course, as they started to head in the direct direction of Ta-Koro, a huge sign came into view. It read the following:


"Oh, come on!" shouted Tahu at the sign. "What do you mean we can't go this way?"

Suddenly, a second sign appeared:


"But, if it's nonexistent," asked Gali, "then why can we see it from here?"

A third sign popped out of the ground.


"Why do we have to go to Ga-Koro first?" inquired Pohatu, already feeling seasick at the prospect of having to go to Ga-Koro then Ta-Koro by boat.

A fourth sign appeared:


"Where do all these signs quick-come from?" muttered Lewa.

A final sign popped up:


"Well," muttered Takua, walking away from the five signs, "let's get going!"

Wearily, the others turned away from Ta-Koro and headed towards the shore. It was a short walk, because of the fact that Bob's sets were never all that big, and in no time at all they all reached the souvenir stand and the docks.

As usual, the Po-Matoran named Pekka was standing right next to the souvenir stand. "Going to Camp Greenlake?" he announced, holding up a shovel. "Then you'll need a shovel! Only fifty widgets each! Water canteens, specifically for Camp Greenlake, for only one-hundred widgets! Get 'em while supplies last! Lowest prices on Mata Nui!"

"What's he crazy-talking about with 'Camp Greenlake'?" Lewa whispered to Pohatu as they strode past the Po-Matoran.

"He's convinced that there's a concentration camp here for bad Matoran," Pohatu replied, glancing at Pekka. "Calls it 'Camp Greenlake' in a sarcastic manner, since there isn't any green nor any lake in Po-Wahi. When referring to it, he usually says, 'It isn't a Ga-Matoran Scouts Camp.' He claims that 50 for a shovel and 100 for a canteen are the lowest prices on Mata Nui, but is unaware that Zemya sells them, 25 for a shovel and 10 for a canteen."

"Wow," murmured Lewa. "What do they do there? I mean, at Camp Greenlake?"

"Dig holes," explained Pohatu. "One hole, every day, including weekends and holidays. One hole, five feet deep, and five feet wide in any direction. They do this for 18 months in a row."

"I'd hate to go there," muttered Lewa.

The two Matoran, one Rahkshi, and four Toa that made up the Chronicler's Company boarded a boat on the dock (despite Pohatu's moaning of seasickness). The Ga-Koro theme played as the boat left dock and headed for Ga-Koro. They docked there, and Pelagia greeted them as they got off the boat. Pohatu was holding a bucket as he stepped onto the dock. Now, where he got the bucket, since there wasn't a bucket in the boat and Pekka wasn't selling any, I have no idea, so the best thing to say is Continuity Error.

Almost as soon as they got off the boat, Takua told them to turn around and get back on the boat, for now they were able to go to Ta-Koro. However, they had a bit of trouble getting Pohatu and Lewa on the boat – Pohatu was still holding the bucket and complaining about seasickness, and Lewa was showing off in front of all the Ga-Matoran. In the end, Lewa unwillingly went aboard, but Pohatu still had second thoughts, not wanting to get seasick.

Turahk sighed, "Then, I think I can get you a way to not get seasick."

"How are you going to do that?" Pohatu asked.

"Like this," smiled Turahk. He slammed his Staff of Fear onto Pohatu's head, knocking out the Toa of Stone.

Unfortunately, having been knocked out, Pohatu dropped the bucket on the lily pad platforms, spilling its contents. All the Ga-Matoran shrieked in disgust, and Turahk grabbed Pohatu and hauled him aboard the boat.

"At least now he won't be seasick," he told the others. They left dock for Ta-Koro, but there was still a mess to be cleared up in Ga-Koro...


"Where's the janitor?" shouted Director. "We need a clean-up in aisle Ga-Koro!"

"What happened?" asked Hank, who was so busy working on the electrical equipment (and accidentally electrocuting himself) that he didn't notice what happened on set.

"Pohatu Nuva dropped the bucket," replied Director.

"Don't you mean that Pohatu Nuva kicked the bucket?" queried Hank.

"No, I mean he dropped the bucket," frowned Director. "The bucket that, by some Continuity Error, appeared in the boat."

"What was in the bucket?" inquired Hank.

Director stared at Hank for a moment, then muttered something under his breath in disgust. "Anyways," he called, "where is the janitor?"

"We don't have a janitor," reminded Narrator.

"WHAT?" screamed Director.

"... you fired him last winter."

"We need a new janitor!" declared Director. He pointed at Hank. "YOU!"

"Me?" the Gaffer asked. A few seconds later, he added, "It isn't polite to point, you know." He had to dodge out of the way as the Director threw his coffee mug (which still did not contain any coffee) at him.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?" shouted Director.

"Do you have anger management problems?" questioned Narrator.


"Right," muttered Narrator. "After reading Ask Hafu!, I definitely know that shouting that you don't have anger management problems at the top of your lungs means you don't have anger management problems."

"Ahem," interrupted Hank. "So, um, why did you point at me?"

"You're the new janitor," replied Director, his calm voice seeming to be a drastic change from the tone of voice he spoke in his last sentence. "Clean up the mess in Ga-Koro, of course! The mops are over there."

"Oh, come on!" muttered Hank, grabbing a mop and another bucket (filled with soap and water), and heading over to Ga-Koro.


While Hank was cleaning up the mess in Ga-Koro, grumbling to himself, our protagonists arrive at the Ta-Wahi beach. No sooner had they gotten out of the boat when a blast of energy hit the boat. The boat exploded, its parts raining down on the Chronicler's Company.

"What the-?" asked Takua, startled.

"I hope that, whoever owns that boat, has his or her boat insurance paid up," shrugged Wheeljack.

"But what caused that?" wondered Takua.

The answer came quickly. A short orange, red, and black figure came running over towards them.

"I should've known," muttered the Chronicler. "Vakama, the explodey-maniac."

Vakama came to a halt in front of the company, a huge grin hidden behind his mask. "Did you see that?" he asked. "Did you see that? That was amazing! I finally got around to testing this thing!" He held up his Firestaff.

"Um, yeah," nodded Takua. "We really don't care about that Firestaff of yours, we were too busy watching our boat explode."

"That was it!" smiled Vakama. "My staff – it made the boat explode! And that's not all! It can make almost anything explode! Watch, all you need is to say the word 'explodey,' then say the name of whatever you want to explode. For example... EXPLODEY ROCK!" He pointed his Firestaff at a nearby rock, and a blast of energy erupted from the staff, hitting and blowing up the rock. Vakama looked back at the company. "See? Isn't that amazing or what?"

A cricket began to chirp. Vakama looked down at the ground with disgust, and stepped on something. The chirping ceased abruptly.

"So, um," asked Takua, "since when did your Firestaff make things explode?"

Vakama chuckled. "Oh, don't be ridiculous, Takua! My Firestaff is back in my hut. This... this is the Explodey Staff!"

Another cricket chirped. Vakama stepped on something again, and the chirping ended again. "Darn crickets, they keep ruining your dramatic moments."

"Where'd you get it?" asked Tahu.

"I want one!" Pewku decided, then began to hassle Turahk for him to go buy her one.

"I stole it, a thousand years ago," replied Vakama. "Don't you remember? That flashback in Chapter 9?"

They opened the lid of the box, and looked inside.

"Hey," Vakama smiled, pulling out an object that greatly resembled a Firestaff. "I wonder what this is..."

"That 'Firestaff' was actually this, the Explodey Staff!" Vakama explained. "I just never got the chance to use it till now, since Nokama apparently knew about its powers, and had locked it away to make sure I didn't go around blowing up everything on the island." He paused, then added, "Hey, that's not such a bad idea..."

"So, this was meant to be shipped to The Rock Raiders Meet Bionicle?" asked Gali. "And... you stole it?"

"Yep," nodded Vakama. "Hooray for me, too bad for them."

"But," inquired Gali, "if Nokama had it locked up... how'd you get it?"

Vakama ignored the fact that the tied up and gagged form of Turaga Nokama was crawling over to them, and replied, "Oh, well, she gave me the keys! How nice is that?"

Although Vakama ignored Nokama, Wheeljack did not. He rushed over to the Turaga, and using his guard staff, snapped the ropes binding her. Before he could ask what happened, she screamed, "Vakama, you #####! You #####ing tied me up and then #####ing gagged me! Then you ####ing stole my #####ing keys! #####!"

"Why are you speaking with number symbols?" asked Wheeljack.

Nokama realized the BZPower filter had replaced what she had said with a bunch of #s. So, instead of admitting that, she replied, "Oh, it's... um... Scottish! Yeah! I'm speaking Scottish!"

"Anyways," interrupted Takua, "we need to ask you about legends about the Mask of Light. What do the legends tell us about it?"

"The legends?" repeated Vakama, the happy expression of a good Matoran on Naming Day gone, replaced by a bored look. "I already told them to you, back in Chapter 9..."

"A Mask of Light, eh?" Vakama repeated, after listening to Takua's tale. "There are legends, yes. The legend states that if some moron Chronicler finds the Mask of Light, a plastic-producing company located in Denmark will decide that this story is so popular they should make a super-cheesy CGI movie out of it, but with awesome music."

"That's the legend of the Mask of Light?" Tahu blinked.

"Yeah," nodded Vakama. "And after that, they're going to make two more movies, one about some loser Toa Metru who doesn't want to be leader, and the other about some loser Toa Hordika who joins the Dark Side of the Force."

"But that legend makes no sense!" retorted Takua. "And plus, we need more legends. Where is it located?"

"Bah!" snorted Vakama. "Why tell you legends that I probably made up... when I can show you, myself? Come on!"

The senile Turaga turned to leave (but first stopped to make a nearby tree explode), and the rest of Takua's company followed his lead, already fearing what mess Vakama was going to lead them into. Nokama followed, too, mainly so she could get her revenge on Vakama.


"Hey," murmured Director, picking up a Kanohi in the Ta-Wahi beach. "Cool, it's a Hau! I wonder..." He began to lift the mask towards his face.

"NO!" shouted Narrator, just in time, waving his arms and running towards Director. "Don't put that on! Please don't put that on! I'm in no mood to have to go through another Evil Director Trilogy!"

Director dropped the Kanohi. "What do you mean, Evil Director Trilogy?" he asked.

"If you were in the script version of BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light!," replied Narrator, "you'd agree with me." He walked away, leaving a bewildered Director.

Grumbling, Director looked down at the Hau, and noticed that it was infected. "Hmm..." Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: this should be obvious, but Cyber Hordika and Brickmaster001 guest-starred in the original BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light! as Cyber Master and Brickmaster, respectively.  Where it says that Cyber Hordika has not been on BZPower in nearly two years, that was at the time this was written, which must have been 2007 (it seems that my previous statements about this being written in 2008 may have not been accurate).  As of March 2015, Cyber Hordika has not been on BZPower in nearly ten years, and Brickmaster001 in over five years.

A scene from The Story of Frosam was blatantly ripped off from a scene from The Lion King.  This chapter directly quotes the former right down to the prose.


Chapter 15
The Kanohi Dragon

Now, a brief explanation about the Evil Director Trilogy, which was mentioned at the end of last chapter.

In the script version of BIONICLE and the Search for the Mask of Light!, Vakama was inspired to use the Explodey Staff on Director. To protect himself, Director put on a Kanohi Hau, which ended up being infected. For the next three chapters, Director was evil and was running around with swords and other weapons shouting stuff like, "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!" During the last of the three chapters, a new character named Cyber Master was introduced, who, on BZPower-

"BZPower?" asked Tahu. "What's a BZPower?"

- is known as Cyber Hordika. However, Cyber Hordika has not been online in nearly two years, so the Director and I decided to write him (along with Tim, the Vahiki, Voldemort, the hotel guys, and the Random Guys) out of the payroll.

Out of nowhere, two Death Eaters appeared. "Who said the name of the Dark Lord?" one demanded.

"Come out, little Order of the Phoenix member!" smirked the other. "We've tabooed the name, and - "

Not now, I'm narrating a movie!

"Sorry," the first Death Eater shrugged, and they both vanished again.

Stupid Death Eaters... they think they serve the Dark Lord, but in truth they're all just a bunch of guys who got kicked out of an ice cream restaurant for reenacting parts of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a day before its release.

And plus, the whole concept of the Evil Director Trilogy was just stupid, so I paid Frank five bucks for him to write it out of the script, paid Vakama five bucks for him not to use his staff on Director, paid Takua five bucks for him not to mention it to Vakama, and paid Bob ten bucks to make sure that the Infected Kanohi Hau wasn't on the set. I think Bob was the only one who realized that I paid with Monopoly Money instead of real money, because he apparently left the Infected Kanohi Hau on the set. But, thanks to me and my brilliance, I made sure the Director didn't put it on!

So, yeah, that's basically what the Evil Director Trilogy was about. But, thanks to my quick wits, I made sure it never happened in this rewrite, and I think that I am the best-

"GET ON WITH IT!" boomed Mata Nui.

Sorry, sheesh!


Vakama, Nokama, and the Chronicler's Company all soon tired out, because none of them were very athletic or had good stamina. After hot-wiring a car (more like explode-wiring a car), Vakama managed to get them transportation. Driving along, they noticed a familiar sign up ahead, but with a minor change:

Kini-Nui in 5 Kilometers. HAFU RULEZ! SUX! RULEZ!

"No way," muttered Takua, "you're taking us to Kini-Nui?"

"Why not?" replied Vakama. "It's a sacred place."

"Why are you quoting Jaller?" asked Nokama.

"Because he always was my favorite," smiled Vakama. "At least, when compared to the other two choices: Kapura or Takua."

"Hey!" shouted Takua.

"But, Vakama," Pohatu said, "we can't go to Kini-Nui! The Elite Visorak are there!"

"Oh, not anymore!" grinned Vakama. "While you guys went looking for the sand-blue Komau, the Toa Metru grew bored of waiting for you – after all, we needed to film Chapter 10 before we could get to Chapter 11 – so they decided to do clean-up work at Kini-Nui. That's a part-time job of theirs, anyway. A broom and a bit of bug spray was all it took to drive the Elite Visorak away. Of course, before they did so, they ended up getting webbed up and mutated... but who cares?"

"Wait a minute," frowned Wheeljack, "Visorak aren't bugs, they're arachnids! How could bug spray - "

Vakama slammed his Explodey Staff down onto Wheeljack's head, shouting: "Shut your face!"

"Ow!" he yelled. "Mata Nui, what was that for?"

Vakama smiled and casually said, "It doesn't matter! It was the past!"

And so, the makers of The Story of Frosam sued the Director. After the lawsuit was done, Director told the makers of The Lion King about it. The makers of The Lion King ended up suing The Story of Frosam, but as soon as that lawsuit was over, they sued Director as well. When all was said and through, Director could be seen storming around muttering under his breath about stupid characters who are constantly quoting others.

"Now," Vakama warned, "before we get there, I have to warn you."

"Warn us?" asked Turahk.

"Yes," nodded Vakama. "There are legends about a strange, terrible creature that guards the place we're going. It is said to have red eyes, four legs, a tail, and two, long, terrible horns mounted on its head! Beware of this creature! Do not let it kill you!"

"Ooh," Pewku said quietly, "suspense! This should be good! Tell me – does the creature like talking about eating chalk?"

"Figures," muttered Takua. "Pewku the stupid is also Pewku the optimistic."

The company soon got out of the car. It was not because they had reached their destination, but instead because while Vakama was talking to them, he wasn't paying attention to the road, and had crashed into a Google Billboard. So, they had to walk the rest of the way, listening to Pewku go on and on about green glow-in-the-dark super-unposable aliens that like to eat astronauts with their milk and cookies.

Nobody knew that she was actually paid by the creators of LEGO Mars Mission to advertise the sets. She did a pretty bad job advertising them, because she kept talking about how they tasted, not about what they were. And they "all tasted just like plastic!" Pewku said. So, within a couple weeks, several creators of Mars Mission broke into Pewku's house and tried to steal back the money they paid her. They were unable to find it, so they left. Unbeknownst to them, before they broke into her house, she had already wondered what the money tasted like. And it "tasted just like paper!" Pewku said.

So, anyways, Pewku was yakking away about these astronaut-eating aliens, and the entire company was tied of listening to her. None of them realized that, beneath their feet, in a very dark place, a very dark character waited, with a very dark purpose.


"What do you mean, you can't get me a new lightbulb?"

The angry voice of Makuta rang throughout the dark chamber. Nothing could be seen in the chamber, because apparently the lightbulb had just burst, and everything was dark.

"I told you," replied a monotone mechanical voice, "I can't get you a new lightbulb, because those guys from Exo-Force keep trying to hit me in the head whenever I try to steal their lightbricks... it hurts..."

"What about the Piraka and the Inika?" asked Makuta.

"The Piraka tried to sue me for making them blind," replied the mechanical voice, "and the Inika aren't in existence yet."

"Yeah, they are!" retorted Makuta.

"No, they're not."

"Yeah, they are!"

"No, they're not."

"Yeah, they are!"

"No, they're not."

"Yeah, they are!"

"No, they're not."

"No, they're not."

"Yeah, they are!"

"Hah!" laughed Makuta. "I tricked you! I said 'No, they're not," and then you admitted, 'Yeah, they are!'"

The mechanical being muttered something under its breath, which is ironic, because since it is mechanical, it cannot breathe.

"They have to be in existence," explained Makuta, "because Hewkii appeared in Chapter 1, Nuparu appeared in Chapter 2, Jaller appeared in Chapter 4, Kongu appeared in Chapter 6, Hahli appeared in Chapter 7, and Matoro appeared in Chapter 11! Hah, they are in existence after all!"

"What I was saying," the mechanical voice explained, "was that they weren't Toa Inika yet. They are existing as Matoran, but as the Toa Inika they aren't."

"Fine," Makuta grumbled, "what about Lesovikk?"

"Oh, yeah... that was a said story," muttered the mechanical voice. "Anyway, having light-up eyes underwater wasn't a wise thing, and he kept on electrocuting himself... he's worse than Hank the Gaffer! So, his eyes are short-circuited, and they don't work."

"Okay," Makuta nodded. "What about the spare light sources that we had?"

"Well, I was going to fix them, but never got the chance."

"Fix them? What was wrong with the spare light sources-"

A huge explosion erupted, filling the chamber with red light for about three seconds before putting the chamber back into darkness.

"That..." replied the mechanical voice.

"Grah!" moaned Makuta. "Have we really lost every light source?"

"Yes, except for this one..."

The sound of a massive machine gun firing was heard, and another explosion occurred, once again filling the chamber with red light for only three seconds.

"Okay," asked Makuta. "Now, since you just wasted it, have we really lost every light source?"


"Oh, come on! I'm scared of the dark!"

"Actually, I kind of like it this way..." a third voice piped up.

"Be quiet, Panrahk!" Makuta snarled. "Nobody cares about you!"

"Fine, then," Panrahk muttered, "if you don't want to hear the great news I was about to bring you-"

"What news?"

"Well, scouts have come back saying that a cool dude crab named Pewku (Pewku, a cool dude? Stupid BZPower filter...), who has been yakking away about aliens that eat astronauts with their milk and cookies, and a bunch of Toa, plus a few Matoran and Turahk, are heading this way!"

"Great!" smiled Makuta, rubbing his hands together in anxiety as dramatic, evil music built up. "Send out... the killer Kanohi Dragon!"

A pause, then the mechanical voice explained: "We don't have that killer Kanohi Dragon with us anymore, don't you remember? You sold it to Roodaka, so she could give you a Mukau-burger specially made by Lewa?"

"Oh, yeah," realized Makuta. "Oh, I wish I had the Kanohi Dragon back... so I could sell it again for more Mukau-burgers..."


"Oh, great!" groaned the Director. "Makuta just had to sell the Kanohi Dragon! The Kanohi Dragon was going to make this scene exciting!"

"Well, we're going to have to pick somebody else to fill in the Kanohi Dragon's part," shrugged Narrator. "Somebody with red eyes, four legs, a tail, and two horns on the head."

"Fine, then," muttered Director. He grabbed a slip of paper and wrote several names in it:


He laid the piece of paper out in front of him, closed his eyes, and pointed at the first name. He began to spin his finger in a circle, and when he opened his eyes, he stopped spinning. He looked to see whose name his finger had landed on. "I see," he murmured.

"It isn't polite to point," noted Narrator.

Director punched him in the forehead.


Finally, the company came to a halt by Suva Kaita. Indeed, as Vakama had told them, Kini-Nui was all cleaned up. No longer was there mist or darkness or webs everywhere, but now instead it looked like it was recently carved. It was a slightly cloudy day, however, so it wasn't as bright as it could be.

As they neared the Suva, Vakama gasped and stopped in his tracks. "Oh, no!" he whispered. "Look!"

A bit of steam was coming out from the bottom of the Suva Kaita. The Suva twisted a bit, and slowly began to open!

"Run!" Vakama shouted, running in the opposite direction. "The horned monster! It comes now!"

Apparently agreeing, the rest of the company ran after him, even as the Suva opened and a creature stepped out.

"Okay," Takua asked, once they had reached Amaja Circle, "just how dangerous is this creature?"

"Very, very dangerous!" Vakama informed. "It will attack at the mere sight of you, so hide well!"

"Who should we send to destroy this creature?" asked Tahu.

"We will," replied two voices, speaking in unison. They turned to see two Matoran – a Ta-Matoran and a Le-Matoran – also standing in the Amaja Circle. The Ta-Matoran had red armor, with an orange Kanohi Hau Nuva. The Le-Matoran had green armor, with a green Kanohi Akaku.

"Who are you?" Tahu asked.

"I am Cyber Master," the Ta-Matoran replied.

"And I am Brickmaster," continued the Le-Matoran. "Guest stars from BZPower, where I am Brickmaster001, and he is Cyber Hordika."

"What is this BZPower you speak of?" inquired Tahu.


"What the-?" Director stuttered. Angrily, he rose from the Director's chair and stormed over to Frank. "I thought I told you to write them out of the script, so that we wouldn't have them on the payroll!"

"Well," Frank replied, "technically, you only told me to write out Cyber Master..."

"I DON'T CARE!" Director yelled. "Why are they here?"

"I-I-I don't know!" stammered Frank. "I mean, m-maybe they sneaked on-n the s-set, or-r s-s-something!"

"Well, find I way to get them out of here," replied Director, walking away. "The quicker you get them off the script, the quicker they get off the payroll. The quicker they get off the payroll, the more money you get."

"Right," muttered Frank.


"So," instructed Vakama, "we all run towards the creature, and then we all stop except for you two, who will go ahead and commit suicide I mean, kill the creature."

"Right," nodded Cyber Master. "CHARGE!"

As loud, cheesy charging music plays, the Chronicler's Company, plus Cyber Master and Brickmaster, charges towards the Suva, and the creature that guards it. They all skidded to a halt, in horror of the sight of the guardian...

A Mahi, no doubt the same one from Takua's previous Kini-Nui visit, was standing right by the Suva, watching them curiously.

"No, way," Takua said to Vakama, with barely controlled anger. "That's the horrible creature you were talking about?"

What's going on? thought Vakama. I read ahead in the script... it said that we were going to fight a Kanohi Dragon, not a Mahi! Oh, well, this should be easier, anyway! "Yes," he replied, "That's the horrible creature I was talking about."

"You moron!" groaned Tahu.

"You had us all worked up for nothing!" yelled Pohatu.

"That Sacred Fire of yours dark-melted your small-mind!" Lewa insulted.

"You taste like plastic!" complained Pewku.

"Whatever," Gali simply muttered.

At that moment, Frank got an idea and ran onto the set. "Hey, Cyber Master and Brickmaster!" he said. "Listen..." He whispered something into their ears, then ran off the set.

"We," decided Cyber Master, "will take care of the Mahi for you. CHARGE!"

He and Brickmaster charged towards the Mahi. The Mahi charged towards them, head-butting them and knocking them to the ground.

"Ow!" Brickmaster shouted. "I can't feel my legs!"

"Great mother of Mata Nui!" gasped Takua. "It's a killer Mahi!"


"You sly fox," Director smiled at Frank. "Now, they can't continue the movie, and they're off the payroll!"

Frank smiled back. "Does this mean I get a raise?"




"So, what do you suggest we do?" Takua asked Vakama. "After all, you're the expert on this creature!"

At the Suva, the Mahi didn't appear to be anything more than an average Mahi, but now the secret was out (thanks to blundering Cyber Master and Brickmaster) – the Mahi was a pretty good guardian of what lay beyond!

"Well," Vakama murmured, "I can always do this..." He pointed his Explodey Staff at the Mahi. "EXPLODEY MAHI!" A blast of energy came out of the staff and hit the Mahi, who promptly exploded.

"Man," muttered Takua, "that was way too easy..." He and the others began to walk towards the open Suva, to walk into what lay beyond.

"Hey, what about us?" asked Brickmaster, still lying on the ground.

"I'll care for them," Vakama suggested. "You guys go ahead." Under his breath, he added, "After all, it would be better if you faced the dangers that lay ahead instead of me..."

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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Chapter 16
The Rahi Nui

Deep within the Mangaia, Makuta waited in darkness. The darkness now seemed so thick that it was almost alive, consuming the entire chamber.

Makuta was distressed and anxious as he waited for the mechanical being to install a new Lightbrick. After a half-hour of waiting, Makuta gave up and inquired: "Have you found a spare Lightbrick yet?"

"No," replied the mechanical voice, whose owner had spent the entire halfhour simply standing next to Makuta.

"How about a spare Lightstone?"

"Well-" the mechanical being was about to answer, but suddenly an explosion lit up the area with red light for three seconds for the third time.

"What was that?" bellowed Makuta.

"Sorry," came the voice of Panrahk.

"Sorry?" exploded Makuta. "You just blew up that Lightstone! Now we're going to be stuck in the darkness!"

"But... you're supposed to like the darkness, dad!" Panrahk reminded.

"Says who?" Makuta raised an eyebrow.

A pause, then Panrahk mumbled: "A trained ferret."

"And who trained that ferret?" inquired Makuta.

"Oh, Greg Farshtey of course, silly!" Panrahk's tone was as though it were the most obvious thing in the BIONICLE Universe... or at least in LEGO Studios.

"Greg Farshtey!" snorted Makuta. "That moron! He doesn't know everything about the BIONICLE Universe!"

There came a popping noise, and all was silent for a moment.

"What happened to Makuta?" asked Panrahk.

"Well, you see," the mechanical being replied, "Greg Farshtey heard that insult, and so he wrote Makuta out of the movie."

"But," Panrahk queried, "how can Greg Farshtey do that, if Frank is the one who writes the script?" An awkward silence fell upon the chamber, soon interrupted by another popping noise. "Makuta! You're back!"

"Note to self," muttered Makuta under his breath, "Never insult that moron again."


And so, the Fellowship of the Ring Chronicler's Company entered the Suva Kaita. They found themselves walking down a very dark tunnel. In the distance, they could hear shouting from various different voices. One sounded deep and thunderous; one was mechanical and monotone; and one sounded not all that different from Turahk's voice.

In the darkness, Turahk stopped and warned the rest of the group. "Now, guys," he said, "remember. We're in the Mangaia, and those voices you hear arguing over duct taping flashlights to Guurahk's face would belong to Panrahk and Makuta."

"M-M-Makuta?" stammered Tahu, trembling. Before he could stop himself, he let out a high-pitched girly scream.

Lewa grinned. "Now, I don't like to tag-quote that Le-Matoran musician Makani, but right now, Tahu, he would sing: Oh brave Tahu, he screamed like a girl! He was afraid of Makuta, oh brave Tahu – "

"Shut up!" Tahu shouted. "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

Turahk glared at the two of them, and continued. "Now, as for that mechanical voice, I have no idea."

"Well," Lewa informed, "during my travels with Sanso, Makani, and Kongu, I encountered a Rahkshi Kaita Za. The three Rahkshi heads had mentioned how Makuta had a super-awesome plasma TV, and they could drool-watch it if they quick-killed a Toa-hero. If they did not quick-kill a Toa-hero, some guard robot Makuta had would totally own them. I think that mechanical voice belongs to the robot."

"No matter," Tahu announced proudly, "it's nothing we can't handle!"

He walked proudly into the darkness, followed by the rest of the company. Of course, there was a problem, since Tahu could not see well in the dark. He kept bumping into walls and pillars and even slipped on some sort of slick, slimy, slippery substance whose adjectives all begin with 'sli-'.

After Tahu stepped on the tail of a depressed Kraata-Cu, Turahk decided enough was enough. "I'm taking the lead," he proclaimed, and stepped into the darkness, leading the rest of the company.

Unbeknownst to them, but known by us, a large bipedal creature was following them, saliva dripping from its mouth.


"Hey, watch it, you stupid Nuurakh!" shouted Rorzakh, as he shoved the form of Nuurakh off of his own.

"Sorry, man!" Nuurakh apologized, getting up. "You know me, always tripping and bumping into stuff..."

"... 'stuff' usually meaning me," muttered Rorzakh, shaking his head.

The six Vahki sent by Turaga Whenua had made it all the way to Kini-Nui. There, they had found the ashes of what appeared to be a Mahi, so they wondered if this was related to the Toa who burnt Whenua's demonstration. They hadn't gotten any closer to the answer since then.

The Vahki from Onu-Metru turned to face Keerakh. "You!"

He's probably going to say that I always predict the future, then he's going to ask me why I didn't do anything about Nuurakh crashing into him, were the thoughts of Keerakh, a Vahki so good at predicting, so bad at doing anything about the future.

"You always predict the future, so why didn't you do anything about Nuurakh crashing into me?" Rorzakh's words were true to Keerakh's prediction.

"Now, now," Bordakh ordered, stepping between the three Vahki. "As your leader, I order you to stop this! We've got to find the one who burnt Whenua's drill display!"

Rorzakh's going to turn, point at Bordakh, and begin to ask who died and made Bordakh the leader. Before he can finish saying this, Nuurakh's going to say that pointing is not polite, and then Director is going to deduct from both their salaries, predicted Keerakh. As usual, he did nothing about it.

Rorzakh turned and pointed at Bordakh. "Who died and made-" he began to ask.

"It isn't polite to point!" interrupted Nuurakh.

Neither Vahki realized that as Nuurakh said these words, the Director deducted 10% from both their salaries, grumbling to himself.

"Guys, be quiet, I hear something!" Vorzakh said, walking over to them. The Vahki from Le-Metru happened to have keen hearing. Suddenly, Vorzakh's face twisted in rage, and he ran into an open Suva, crying, "YOU RIP OFF CHUTESPEAK! YOU MUST DIE!"

Zadakh glanced at Bordakh, raising a Vahki eyebrow. "What in Metru Nui's name?" he wondered.

"It's Vorzakh," sighed Bordakh. "He apparently heard someone in the tunnel covered by that Suva speaking Treespeak. He believes Treespeak to be a total rip-off of Chutespeak, even though the truth is that Chutespeak is a rip-off of Treespeak, so he got mad and ran into that tunnel. I guess we better go rescue him before he gets into more trouble than he can handle..."


Makuta, Panrahk, and the guard robot still waited in the darkness for someone to get an idea. The robot got it first. "Say, Makuta?" it asked in its usual, monotone, mechanical voice.

Makuta turned to face the robot, but due to the darkness, he actually turned away. "What is it?"

"You control darkness, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, a Toa of Fire controls Fire, right?"

"No... he controls Water, moron."


"You really got to learn sarcasm."

"Sorry, you know us robots. It's hard for us to understand emotion because we speak monotone, understand monotone, and think monotone."

"Whatever. Get back to the point you were trying to make."

"Well, I've been thinking. A Toa of Fire controls fire, but can absorb all the fire to create ice. So, since you control darkness, could you...?"

Makuta's eyes, one of the few things visible in the darkness, widened. "You genius!" he smiled. Controlling his powers over shadow, he absorbed all the darkness in the Mangaia. Slowly but surely, the brightness level of the Mangaia began to increase. At last, after several minutes, the Mangaia was well-lit, with everyone able to see.

"You're doing it!" cried the robot, whose appearance is finally revealed to be that of a gray and red titan carrying a double-bladed staff.

"I don't believe it... it's working...!" Makuta smiled, though there was clearly a strain in his voice.

Guurahk walked over and looked the place up and down. "Wow, boss, how'd you do that?" Guurahk asked.

That did it.

Makuta turned to look at Guurahk. In doing so, he lost concentration due to his concentration disorders and let out all the darkness he'd absorbed in a single Nova Blast, obliterating the temporary light in the Mangaia.

Over the cries and shouts, and moans of the guard robot, Panrahk, and Guurahk, Makuta sighed and muttered: "Back to where we started..."

"Dad!" came Panrahk's voice. "Your gate to Metru Nui got destroyed!"

"Oh, come on!" groaned Makuta. "It cost me my beta CD of BIONICLE: The Legend of Mata Nui, plus my Sand Tarakava model and my Misprint Kanohi collection, to get that Hau gate carved!"

Poor, poor Makuta. Not only did he own a beta CD of BIONICLE: The Legend of Mata Nui, but was able to make it past the Onua level.


"Guys, listen!" Turahk explained. "I have no idea why the Mangaia lit up for half a minute, but I saw those weird, greenish pillars that house Rahkshi armor from BIONICLE: Mask of Light!"

"Hold on," Pohatu interrupted. "Things are becoming contradictory of each other. Vakama said that BIONICLE: Mask of Light would not be made until the Mask of Light is found, so how-"

"I, well, I saw some concept art," replied Turahk.

"But, guys," Wheeljack raised an eyebrow, "I come from Primis, who comes from BZPower, and Primis knows that BIONICLE: Mask of Light has already been released in 2003."

"Ah," smiled Turahk, "but this is the THX Digitally Remastered edition, done in live-action!"

"That makes... more sense," nodded Wheeljack.

"So," Takua inquired, "what do those weird, greenish pillars have to do with anything?"

"Remember that crazy Gate Guardian's riddle?" Turahk asked. "'Go to the place where shadows roam free, where giant pillars of green Jell-O hold Rahkshi armor, and defeat the perils that await!' The giant pillars of green Jell-O must be referring to the pillars that I saw! And later in his riddle he mentioned a 'gate of the giant Hau,' which I saw while the Mangaia was lit. It apparently got destroyed as soon as the light ended, because my night vision tells me that it's all rubble now. Come on, guys, let's go!"

And so, with Turahk continuing to lead the way, the Chronicler's Company made their way through the Mangaia, trying not to crash into anything or slip on something, or step on somebody. In the darkness, it was very hard not to.

"Ow, watch it!"


"That was my toe!"

"Do BIONICLE characters even have toes?"

"Well, they do, but not us Toa Nuva..."

"Well, actually, I have toes-"

"Shut up, Pohatu! We're not talking about the ugly orange armor you acquired in 2008! We're all still in our 2002 forms!"

"Well, except for myself, Pewku, and Turahk, since none of us looked like this in 2002, since none of us were released as sets in 2002."

"Shut up! You guys are annoying!"

"Hey, has anybody got anything to eat?"


Turahk sighed, and shook his head, trying to ignore the huge argument behind him. Normally, Turahk liked loud noises and loved to make them, but this was the Mangaia they were in. There were... things... that lived here, things that died here, things that had to clean up after the things that died, things that invented Google and YAHOO! Billboards... and noise could easily attract attention from these... things...

At last, they had made it over the rubble of the gate made in the shape of a Kanohi Hau. Unbeknownst to any of them, except maybe Wheeljack, this was first the first step towards the Mask of Light.

They had made it past 'the place where shadows roam free, where giant pillars of green Jell-O hold Rahkshi armor', but did not need to 'defeat the perils that await!' They had passed the ruins of 'the gate of the giant Hau'. All that remained was to 'enter the tunnels of never ending-ness', which they were in right now.

After a short bit of walking, Turahk stopped. "Wait... someone get Nokama over here," he said. A bit of shoving, and Nokama was standing right next to the Rahkshi. "There's a message here written in an unknown dialect," explained Turahk. "I need you to translate."

Nokama, of course, could not see in the darkness. Unlike the Toa Nuva, she lacked a Suva, so therefore could not use her Kanohi Ruru, because who devotes a Suva to a Turaga these days? So, instead, she just yelled at Turahk, "I can't see a #####ing thing!"

"Stop speaking Scottish," replied Turahk, referencing her earlier excuse for having her curses destroyed by the BZPower filter. "And, in that case, Tahu! Get over here and use your Magma Swords to create a bit of light."

A bit of stumbling, and a bit of cursing, and Tahu was standing right next to the Rahkshi and the Turaga. Controlling his powers over fire, he created a small flame, large enough to light up the area.

Nokama saw the message on the wall. Activating her Kanohi Rau, Mask of Translation, Nokama looked over the message, and began to mutter a few words, barely audible and sounding almost like coughs.

An hour later, Wheeljack nudged Takua and asked, "What's she doing?"

"I thought she was translating, but I guess after forty-five minutes I realized she was just muttering gibberish," Takua shrugged.

At last, Gali inquired, "Nokama, what are you doing? Are you reading it?"

Nokama shook her head. "Nah, I was just clearing my throat. Let's see here... ah, yes, yes, of course!"

"You can read it?" Pohatu inquired.

"Of course I can!" Nokama smiled. She looked over the message, and translated it out loud. "These are... the last words... of an unknown Toa... of unknown sanity, carved... on this... here wall. Continue... to follow this... path, but beware, for... this place is... filled with horrid... creatures... like Matau." Noticing an odd glance from Lewa, she sighed and explained, "Okay, I made up that part about Matau."

Clearing her throat again, she resumed translating. "From here, ye shall... find the... Bridge of Death... and the Gorge... of Eternal Peril... Cross the Silver Seas... and ye shall... find the Mask... of Light at... why am I speaking like William Shatner?"

Noticing glares from the Toa Nuva, she muttered, "Sorry. Cross the Silver Seas and ye shall find the Mask of Light at... the City of AAARRRGGHH..." Nokama paused, raised an eyebrow, and repeated: "The City of AAARRRGGHH..."

Takua crossed his arms. "Nokama, this is no time to be quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail!"

Nokama glared at Takua. "That's exactly what the message says: the City of AAARRRGGHH... what could it mean?"

"He was moaning because his lunch tasted bad, of course," muttered Pewku, whose comment, as usual, got ignored.

"Perhaps," Lewa suggested, "you know how when others pain-die, they always say 'AAARRRGGHH'. Perhaps he died while, you know, he was quick-finishing this message?"

Takua shook his head. "If he was dying and cried out 'AAARRRGGHH' as he was writing the message, he wouldn't have written 'AAARRRGGHH', he would've just said it!"

"Yes," Lewa nodded, "but there is a group of beings who say aloud what they're quick-writing when they're quick-writing, to help them easy-concentrate. Perhaps this unknown Toa of unknown sanity is among this group?"

"Okay," Tahu snarled, glaring at Gali, "that's not funny."

"What are you talking about?" asked Gali, who shot back a look. "I'm not doing anything, and I'm not trying to be funny."

"Don't play innocent little Toa Nuva of Water with me!" Tahu hissed. "It's annoying what you're doing – summoning droplets of water to form above my head and come down in the sizes of puddles!"

"I'm not doing that!" Gali insisted.

"But wait," Takua wondered, "if Gali's not doing it... what is?"

Tahu looked above his head, lifting his Magma Sword to light up the area above him. The slight nearly made him scream like a little girl a second time in one chapter. The face of a massive Kane-Ra was looking down at him.

"Gah!" Tahu shouted, spinning around and swinging his ignited Magma Sword to see his enemy in full. Then he wished that he hadn't.

It was no Kane-Ra, but rather had the head of a Kane-Ra, the body and hind legs of a Muaka, the forearms of a Tarakava, the stinger of a Nui-Jaga, and the wings of a Nui-Rama, all held together by duct tape. It could only be the...

"RAHI NUI!" screamed Tahu, who ran and hid behind Pohatu.

Everyone in the Chronicler's Company began to scream and break out in chaos. Everyone except Takua.

"Stop that nonsense and stand your ground!" ordered Takua. "What are we, seekers of the Mask of Light? Or frightened Ga-Matoran?"

Everyone traded glances. "Uh..." Pohatu murmured.

"Ga-Matoran," said Lewa quietly. "I say frightened Ga-Matoran."

"Well, we may be frightened Ga-Matoran," commanded Takua, "but do we want to go down in history books as that? NO! We want to go down in history as the brave Chronicler's Company, who stood up to a fearsome Rahi Nui! Come on, everybody! It's just another stupid Rahi! We can defeat it!"

"Yeah!" the rest of the company agreed in unison.

"We charge into battle NOW!" cried Takua. Shouting battle cries, and accompanied by cheesy charging music, the Chronicler's Company charged towards the Rahi Nui.

The Rahi Nui, drool dripping from its maw, roared at the company, a long, terrible, loud, saliva-packed roar. It seemed to last forever, but halfway through the Rahi Nui paused to take a breath before continuing.

When it was done, all members of Takua's company began to scream, a long, high-pitched, girly, not-so-brave scream. It also seemed to last forever, but halfway through they paused to take a breath before continuing.

"Time to go!" Takua decided casually, and he took off running, the rest of the company following. The Rahi Nui snarled, and charged after them.

They ran as fast as they could, but eventually the Rahi Nui caught up with them. It seemed as though they were doomed.

Luckily for them, however, the Rahi Nui was a purely computer-generated creature. It just so happened that Bob sneaked on the special effects guy's computer and went to his favorite websites. It just so happened that Bob's favorite websites had tons of computer viruses. It just so happened that the special effects guy failed to purchase a virus-protection program for his computer. It just so happened that the viruses destroyed the special effects guy's computer, including the computer generated model of the Rahi Nui.

As the Rahi Nui lunged to attack, it suddenly froze in mid-motion. It made glitchy noises, turned funky colors, its image dulling and focusing back and forth, before finally fading away. The computer-generated peril was no more.

"Well," Takua smiled, adjusting his mask and brushing the dust and dirt off his armor, "that was easy."


"It's like I told you," Vira explained, "back in Chapter 10, when I said that the Rahi Nui would roar at the Chronicler's Company, who would scream."

"When did you ever say that?" asked Matau, doubt in his voice.

Chapter 10 said:

Angrily, he stormed away from them and towards Vira and Taiki. "You let him escape?" he screamed. "Do you realize what's going to happen?"

"Why, yes..." replied Vira.


The Rahi Nui, drool dripping from its maw, roared at the company, a long, terrible, loud, saliva-packed roar. It seemed to last forever, but halfway through the Rahi Nui paused to take a breath before continuing.

When it was done, all members of Takua's company began to scream, a long, high-pitched, girly, not-so-brave scream. It also seemed to last forever, but halfway through they paused to take a breath before continuing.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" asked Turaga Matau.

"You asked me what's going to happen, and I answered!" smiled Vira.
Edited by PeabodySam
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For context: Mr. Bafoomy was meant to be an important character later on in the story, teaming up with Vissy to steal the Mask of Light and temporarily becoming the main villain, as is what happened in the original version.


Chapter 17
At Eternal Peril

"What?" screamed Makuta. "First, Turahk turns against us. Then, the Rahkshi Kaita Za fails to kill Toa Lewa. Then, my last light bulb blows. Then, the Chronicler's Company enters my lair. Then my Metru Nui door is destroyed. Now the Rahi Nui's computer generated model has been deleted? That is it! I've had it! I'm taking a shower! Meanwhile, you-" he pointed in the direction that he assumed to be the mechanical being (but since it was so dark, he could not see that he was actually pointing at a pillar), "-shall destroy that Chronicler's Company." He walked towards the shower that he had installed into the Mangaia a couple months ago.

The mechanical being shrugged and muttered, "It isn't polite to point – OW!"

Something hit it in the head. Rubbing its head, the robot picked up a clapperboard. Wondering why someone would throw a clapperboard at it, it walked in the direction that the Chronicler's Company had taken.


"Well, that was a little too easy, don't you think?" asked Takua.

"What do you mean?" Tahu inquired.

"We're in the Mangaia, the lair of the Makuta," Takua explained, "we're on a wild goose chase for the Mask of Light, and yet the only perils we've met so far have been easily stopped by the Explodey Staff and a couple computer viruses. Doesn't it seem a bit odd, a bit too easy?"

"Never question anything that is given to you easily," Turahk decided.

"I wish someone would easily hand over some food..." muttered Pewku, who as usual was ignored.

They continued to walk down the winding tunnels. For the next few hours, there was nothing but just that – winding tunnels. Even Gali, the most patient one of the group, was getting a bit impatient. On top of that, the walls and ceiling were slowly closing in, so the farther they went, the more claustrophobic the group became, until they reached a point where everyone was pushing and shoving everyone else.

Just when they thought they could go no further, the tunnel widened out into a vast cavern. A gorge, just as large as the cavern itself, occupied the center of the cave. Lightstones lined the walls of the cavern, lighting up the place, revealing something that would not have been visible otherwise. A very thin bridge spanned the gorge, and it looked like one of those rickety Temple of Doom-esque bridges that would fall apart the very moment a fat Ussal crab, for example Pewku, stepped on it.

"What is this place?" wondered Lewa, looking around.

"I can barely believe my eyes," whispered Turahk. "It must be the Bridge of Death and the Gorge of Eternal Peril that the crazy Gate Guardian was talking about!" The Rahkshi paused, then murmured: "Wait a minute... didn't he also post a sign on his door that said that he had gone to guard the Bridge of Death and Gorge of Eternal Peril?"

"Technically," replied Tahu, "it read: 'GONE TO GUARD THE BRIDGE OF DEATH AND THE GORGE OF ETERNAL PERIL FISHING! HAFU RULEZ!'. But why do you ask?"

"Because - " began Turahk, but was interrupted.

"Oh, Mata Nui, no!" pleaded Takua. "There he is! There's the totally-insane Gate Guardian!"

Sure enough, standing on their end of the bridge was the Rahi with total mental instability, laughing insanely as usual.

"Okay," Takua turned to his group, "who's going to go first? Because it's not me – I'm not going anywhere near that Gate Guardian!"

"How about," Tahu suggested, "we listen to the old proverb of 'Ladies First'?"

With that, everyone turned to look at Gali, Nokama, and Pewku.

"Then again," muttered Tahu, "Pewku should go last, or else the bridge would collapse before anyone gets to cross it."

So instead, everyone just looked at Gali and Nokama.

"Respect your elders, especially when they say that they don't want to go first!" Nokama demanded. "And I don't want to go first!"

Therefore, everyone only looked at Gali. The Toa Nuva of Water glared at her teammates, then walked over towards the bridge.

The seemingly-tiny Gate Guardian looked at the new arrival with interest, laughing maniacally. "Stop!" it spoke in its raspy voice. "Those who wish to cross the Bridge of Death and the Gorge of Eternal Peril must answer these questions three!"

"Isn't this a total rip-off of Monty Python?" inquired Gali.

The Gate Guardian frowned, as it spoke its most sane sentence yet: "Hey, I realized that too, but I didn't write the script. Deal with it." The Gate Guardian smiled again. "Now, first question: What is your name?"

"Toa Gali Nuva."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Mask of Light."

"What... is... your melee tool as a Mistika?"

"I don't have one," Gali bit her lip, sure that this meant that she was going to be tossed into the gorge by an invisible force, just like in Monty Python.

The Gate Guardian smiled. "Excellent. Now, you may pass." It laughed insanely as Gali began to cross the bridge, who was muttering under her breath about how much this was ripping-off Monty Python.

Lewa smiled. "That's it? This will be quick-easy!" He proudly strode over to the Gate Guardian.

"Stop!" commanded the Gate Guardian. "Those who wish to cross the Bridge of Death and the Gorge of Eternal Peril must answer these questions three! What is your name?"

"Toa Lewa Nuva."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Mask of Light, and to get anger-revenge on Makani for singing that dark-song about me."

"What... is... the flight capacity of a Kewa?"

Lewa's smile faded. Clearly, he was not expecting that question. "Um..." he began, but the Gate Guardian interrupted with its laughing.

The tiny Rahi seemed to kick aside a pebble, and suddenly Lewa found himself tossed aside, thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. He was too busy screaming to realize that he could've used his powers over air to fly out of the gorge, or his Kanohi Miru Nuva to levitate out of said gorge.

Pohatu gasped as he watched his fellow Toa Nuva fall into the gorge. He gulped, as it was his turn to walk up to the Gate Guardian.

"Stop!" smiled the Gate Guardian. "Those who wish to cross the Bridge of Death and the Gorge of Eternal Peril must answer these questions three! What is your name?"

"Toa Pohatu Nuva."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Mask of Light, to rescue Toa Lewa Nuva, and to never go on a boat again."

"What... exactly... did Onewa mean when he told you that the knowledge of a rock is older than a rock itself?"

Pohatu blinked, surprised that the Gate Guardian was referring to a quote in BIONICLE Chronicles #4: Tales of the Masks. In truth, Pohatu did not know the answer, so he tried to counter the question with another quote from the book: "Not quite sure what he meant by that, but it certainly sounds impressive."

Too late, Pohatu realized this was not the answer the Gate Guardian wanted. The Gate Guardian seemed to pick up something invisible between its pincers, shake its head, and open its pincers. Suddenly, Pohatu felt himself picked up, shaken, and tossed into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Takua struggled to keep his composure. It was his turn now, and he decided to answer as truthfully as he could, just to pour it all out.

As he walked up to the Gate Guardian, the insane creature was already saying: "Stop! Those who wish to... bah, do I need to keep repeating this? First question! What is your name?"

"Takua the Chronicler. The Wanderer. The Traveler."

"What is your quest?"

"To seek the Mask of Light, to abandon Pewku, to rescue Pohatu and Lewa, and find out what the Karzahni does Mata Nui want with the Mask of Light."

"What... is... the Director's name?"

No way! thought Takua bitterly. Nobody here knows his name! How am I supposed to answer that? "I... don't know that," he admitted. He closed his eyes, preparing to be tossed into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

"But wait," spoke Turahk. "I'm sure that in order for this to be fully fair, you must know the answers to the questions you ask. So, what is the Director's name?"

The Gate Guardian was surprised. "I... well, um..." he stammered.

Takua took opportunity of this. He tried to punch the Gate Guardian, but he was never a fighter, and his punch instead went high over the Gate Guardian's head. Surprisingly, his fist hit something invisible, and the Gate Guardian acted as though it was just socked in the face. Dizzy and wounded, the Gate Guardian took a few steps backwards and fell into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

With the Gate Guardian defeated, the remainder of the Chronicler's Company crossed the bridge. It was no easy process. Takua stepped onto the bridge, followed by Tahu, Turahk, Nokama, and Wheeljack. Already, the bridge was swinging, but it held on still. Takua signaled to Pewku to wait before getting on the bridge, but when the group was about halfway across, Pewku forgot this order, so she stepped foot onto the bridge. The ropes holding the rickety bridge together began to snap.

"Elders first!" Turaga Nokama screamed as she ran for the end of the bridge where Gali was waiting, knocking aside Turahk, Tahu, and Takua. When she finally stepped foot on solid ground, she turned around. Tahu, Turahk, and Takua were lying down on the bridge, still not recovered from Nokama knocking them over, while Pewku stood frozen with fear. "Come on! What are you waiting for?" she shouted.

Takua was the first of the three red-armored beings to stand. He helped Tahu and Turahk up, though it was no easy process, since both of them were about twice Takua's height and weight. They ran for the end of the bridge, where Nokama and Gali waited. Wheeljack also made it across. Takua turned around and sighed impatiently. "Come on, Pewku!" he yelled.

Pewku was still stiff with fear, not moving even as the few remaining ropes began to snap. "I don't want to!" she moaned.

"Pewku!" bellowed Tahu, his deep voice echoing throughout the chamber. "You're about to fall to your doom! Get over here!"

"But I'm scared!" groaned Pewku.

"That's it," muttered Turahk, pulling out his Staff of Fear. "This might work, or it may not, but we're doing things my way!"

He fired his fear energies at Pewku. It was a risk; she might be even more frozen with fear, completely unable to move. While Pewku dying was no big loss, it would mean that lawyers would get involved, and since the Director was tired of lawsuits and hard-pressed for money as it is (he secretly has to steal money every day from Greg Farshtey to keep this production going), he threatened the Chronicler's Company into keeping Pewku alive.

Luckily, Turahk's plan worked out perfectly. As soon as his fear power hit Pewku, she ran across the bridge at unbelievable speeds despite her weight, even as the last rope snapped. The bridge began to fall apart, but Pewku did not stop running. The very moment Pewku crossed the gorge, Turahk hit her in the head with a frying pan, as to stop her from running by knocking her unconscious.

"Another plan," Takua sighed, "almost ruined thanks to Pewku."

"Well, I apologize if I'm going to ruin it for you instead."

What was left of the weary Chronicler's Company spun around. They jumped back in surprise when they saw who was speaking: a massive titan-sized robot in gunmetal and red armor, carrying a wicked double-bladed staff.

"Who are you?" cried Takua.

"What do you mean?" Turahk raised a non-existent eyebrow. "How could you not know who that is? That's Maxilos!"

"Indeed," the robot nodded, "I am, in fact, Maxilos."

"Yeah," muttered Gali under her breath, "but unlike you, Turahk, we do not all have access to the script, so we cannot look ahead and say: 'Oh, would you look at that, we're fighting a giant robot guy named Maxilos'!"

"You guys don't have the script?" Turahk blinked.

"Yeah," nodded Takua. "We basically ad-lib everything we say. Especially Pewku, who did not even have a script to begin with."

"Then I suppose I won't be needing this," shrugged Turahk, who pulled out a pile of ruffled papers obviously not written by Frank but by some paranoid Kurahk, and tossed them into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. "Now that that's out of the way... Wait, what am I supposed to say?"

Takua groaned and gave himself a facepalm. "Turahk, the whole point of the script was to tell you what to say, not to allow you to look ahead and see spoilers! We don't have scripts because we're good at ad-libbing; apparently, you're not!"

"What the Karzahni..." cursed Turahk.

"Hey, keep this clean!" Tahu shouted. "We want this movie to be rated G, or at the most PG, because Director believes that nobody above the age of 13 will bother to watch this movie because apparently we're supposed to be kid-friendly or something!"

Nokama rolled her eyes. "You want kid-friendly? Well, let's all promote that #####ing friendship #####, because that's what #####ing friends do, #####!"

"Enough with the Scottish!" Turahk yelled loudly. "None of us can understand Scottish – we don't care if you can!"

"Be glad you can't understand it," Nokama whispered darkly.

"Hello?" Maxilos spoke up. "Focus back on me, please?"

"Oh, yeah," shrugged Takua. "Forgot you were here. In fact... what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the Pit or something, working for the Order of Mata Nui?"

Maxilos thought for a moment, then explained: "Well, you see, one day I was doing exactly as you described, when suddenly a gaping Plot Hole opened up before me and sucked me in. Then, it teleported me here, and Makuta used some of his Antidermis to possess me, and so I'm working for him now. Then, we saw you pass through the Mangaia, so I followed."

"But if you followed us," wondered Tahu, "how did you get here before us, and without us seeing you standing here previously?"

Maxilos shrugged. "After I was sent by Makuta, another Plot Hole opened up and teleported me here."

"Someone gotta stop these Plot Holes from messing with the space-time continuum..." muttered Wheeljack.

"And," continued Maxilos, "since I was sent by Makuta to fight you and to eliminate you, I shall do so."

Takua got an idea, obviously one that wasn't in the script due to Takua constantly ad-libbing. "Hey, you're a robot; shouldn't you take some time to initialize that operation first?"

Maxilos thought for a moment, then nodded. "Sure. Initializing killing process. 3... 2... 1... Killing process initialized. Commencing killing process."

None of the Chronicler's Company had moved.

"You know," suggested Turahk, "perhaps we should have taken advantage of that initializing process and bolted."

"Too late!" shouted Gali as Maxilos charged forward towards them.

In a few quick strides, the massive robot was upon them. He knocked Turahk aside with a blow of his Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword. The Rahkshi scrambled to his feet and fired a blast of his Staff of Fear at Maxilos. It had no effect, since Maxilos could not feel fear.

Maxilos continued his charge, kicking aside Nokama. Gali responded by blasting a wave of water at the robot, but since Maxilos was created specifically for underwater environments despite having been created to work in the Pit millennia before it was flooded, it also had no effect.

Maxilos swung his Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword again, and Gali deflected the blow with her Aqua Axes. Turahk ran towards the two, but slipped on a banana peel because Hank and Phil ate lunch on the set again.

Tahu surrounded Maxilos in a wall of fire. The robot glanced around, then simply absorbed the flames into his internal energies before releasing them through the Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword, pointed directly at Gali. The intense flames and heat were enough to fell both Gali and Nokama, who both promptly fainted.

Bellowing in fury, both Tahu and Turahk charged towards Maxilos. Maxilos spun around to meet them, and did not notice Takua and Wheeljack tying a rope around his legs. When Maxilos took a step forward, he tripped and fell to the ground.

Maxilos quickly got to his feet and he proceeded to fire his Cordak Blaster at Tahu and Turahk. Since the robot's aim was off, both Tahu and Turahk easily dodged the missiles. Turahk tossed some of his pots and pans at Maxilos, but Maxilos knocked them aside with his Double-Bladed Black Fire Sword. Wheeljack then stabbed Maxilos in the knee with his spear while Takua hurriedly rushed to check on Nokama and Gali.

Turahk swung his Staff of Fear, only to have it knocked out of his hands by the Double-Bladed Black Fire Sword. Maxilos then swung his sword again, knocking Turahk to the ground unconscious. He was about to do the same to Pewku, then remembered that Turahk already knocked Pewku unconscious. Then, Maxilos grabbed Wheeljack and threw the Ta-Matoran at Tahu, incapacitating them both, leaving only Takua left.

Maxilos glared at Takua with his two red and two blue eyes. The robot towered over the Av-Matoran, but Takua stood his ground. Whether it was because he was unbelievably brave, or simply frozen with fear, not even he could say.

Maxilos reached down and grabbed Takua by the throat. He raised the struggling Av-Matoran in the air, until they were at eye level. "And now," Maxilos whispered darkly, "you shall die. Have a nice day." He raised his Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword in the air, preparing to strike the final blow.

In that moment, Takua put his life into perspective. Here he was, on some random mission by the Great Spirit Mata Nui to retrieve a mysterious Mask of Light, and all around him, his friends lay, barely holding onto consciousness. And yet, none of this mattered – as long as the Mask of Light was found. One day, it will be found, even if it is found by another person, even if Takua never lived to receive the Director's paycheck, it will be found. In that moment, as he realized this, Takua did not fear death. He stared at the Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword with unblinking, defiant eyes as he waited for the final blow.

Suddenly, Maxilos dropped the sword and Takua. His entire body twitched once, and the light from his four eyes faded away. Then, the mechanical being collapsed atop Takua, burying the Av-Matoran under the weight of its body. Maxilos ceased to move again.

For a moment, Takua struggled under the still form of Maxilos. When at last he crawled out, he saw that the rest of his company was slowly regaining consciousness. One by one, he helped them to their feet.

Turaga Nokama made a disgusted noise. "That's it!" she shouted. "I'm out! From now on, you're on your own!" With that, she stormed away from the rest of the company.

"But wait!" called out Tahu. "You can't go yet - the Bridge of Death is snapped!"

"That's why I use this!" Nokama explained. She walked to the far end of the cave, opened an EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY (HAFU RULEZ!) door, and stepped out into the LEGO Studios Backlot before promptly slamming the door closed.

"Well," shrugged Takua, "that's that."

"But what's that?" Turahk inquired, pointing to several forms flying over the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Takua squinted his eyes, trying to make out what they were, then cursed under his breath. "It's the Vahki! Quick – Tahu, Gali – hide! They don't like Toa!"

"Hide where?" spat Gali, gesturing around them. "We can't hide anywhere in this blasted cave!"

"Well, I've got a perfect hiding spot," grinned Tahu. Then, he bent down, and like a Husi, firmly planted his head in the ground. "They can't find me now! They'll never spot me!"

Gali shook her head, sighing. "Nokama's right - you're just a bunch of morons! I don't even know why I joined this company in the first place!"

At that moment, five of the Vahki landed on the ground in front of the Chronicler's company. The sixth, Nuurakh, made his landing by promptly crashing into Rorzakh. Once the two Vahki were back on their feet, Bordakh pointed his Staff of Loyalty at Takua. "Freeze in the name of the law!" the Vahki ordered.

"Why are you here?" hissed Turahk. "We have done nothing wrong, there's no Toa Metru here, and he-" Turahk gestured to Maxilos's still form "–was like that when we found him."

Zadakh stepped forward. "We have been sent not only after the Toa Metru, but also after any Toa. Turaga Whenua is paying us a lot of money – more money than the Director gives us – for us to hunt down the Toa who melted his drill display. Therefore, we're arresting all Toa in sight until we can successfully identify the culprit."

"Well, you won't find him here," Gali pointed out. "I'm Gali, Toa Nuva of Water, and therefore I could not have melted-"

"A Toa!" gasped Nuurakh. "Quick! Arrest her!"

In a moment, all six Vahki tackled Gali to the ground. Having been exhausted from the fight against Maxilos, Gali stood no chance. In just a few moments, she was back on her feet, her hands cuffed behind her back.

"This is blasphemy!" spat Gali. "This is madness!"

Now Vorzakh is going to make some reference to 300, Keerakh thought to himself. As usual, he did nothing about it.

"Madness?" repeated Vorzakh. "This... is... SPA-"

A clapperboard flew in the air and smacked Vorzakh in the head. The force of the impact was enough to send the Le-Metru Vahki flying into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. Takua scrambled to pick up the clapperboard, and read a small sticky note on it warning everybody else not to reference any more films if they did not want a salary deduction.

"Is there no habeas corpus?" inquired Takua. "You're arresting a member of my company, without any proper reason other than 'some Toa melted Whenua's drills'!"

"Oh," Rorzakh explained darkly. "Don't worry; Gali will get plenty of habeas corpus where we're sending her... assuming she survives. After all, it sure isn't a Ga-Matoran Scouts Camp we're sending her to!"

"And," added Bordakh, pointing his Staff of Loyalty at Takua, Turahk, Wheeljack and Pewku, "if I catch you four with another Toa, you will be arrested as well. Do I make myself clear?"

Takua, Wheeljack, and Turahk traded nervous glances, then nodded slowly. "Clear as an opaque crystal," nodded Takua, hoping that the Vahki could not compute such a subliminal insult.

Bordakh nodded as well, and then the remaining five Vahki turned away and walked off with their prisoner, Gali. As she was dragged off, she turned over her shoulder and glared at Takua, who had a sinking feeling that if they ever met again, it would not be a pleasant reunion.

After the Vahki and Gali were gone, Takua and Turahk turned to look at Tahu, who still had his head planted in the ground. "You can come out now," Takua suggested.

Tahu yanked his head out of the ground and stood to his full height. "They're gone?" he smiled.

Takua shrugged. "I'm actually surprised. They didn't notice you!"


Makuta was furious.

Soaking wet and wearing a bathrobe, he stormed out of his shower and held in his hand a Shadow Leech. He did not notice that the lights in the Mangaia were back on, but instead shook the Shadow Leech in the air. In his deep, ominous, powerfully evil voice, he bellowed: "Why was there a Shadow Leech in the soap?!?"

Another Makuta with black and lime armor stepped out from the shadows, a huge grin masked by his Kanohi Shelek. "I made it myself!" he proudly announced.

Makuta blinked in surprise. "Mutran? What are you doing here?"

"I thought there was supposed to be some big Brotherhood of Makuta Meeting," Mutran shrugged. "There's even a sign up on your door, and I'm not the only one who came."

Out from the shadows stepped a mysterious Minifig. His torso was white and silver, and his legs black and blue, but most of this was hidden under a black cloak. His face was also concealed behind a black ninja-esque mask. "My apologies for being late," he spoke.

Makuta raised an eyebrow at the Minifig. "Who the Karzahni are you?"

The Minifig glanced around, then whispered quietly: "You may call me... Mr. Bafoomy."

"That's a stupid name," commented Mutran.

"Listen!" hissed Mr. Bafoomy. "It's not my real name – I'm trying to lay low so the authorities don't catch me! But since I feel so insulted, I'm leaving! But I'm still billing you for me fixing your lights!" With that, Mr. Bafoomy turned and walked away, disgusted.

"Huh," nodded Makuta. "I didn't notice the lights were back on."

"So," inquired Mutran, "is there or is there not a Brotherhood of Makuta Meeting today, Teridax?"

"For the last time," sighed Makuta, "do not call me Teridax! My name was, is, and always will be Makuta!"

"Then why did Greg Farshtey say your name was Teridax?" queried Mutran.

At that moment, Makuta pressed his fingers to his lips, and whistled loudly. A large pterodactyl swooped into the Mangaia and perched itself on Makuta's shoulder. "This," Makuta explained, "is Teridax – my pet pterodactyl. Greg Farshtey got it mixed up... either that, or he refused to let me have a pet pterodactyl in 'the official storyline'. One of those two explanations."

"So Teridax really isn't your name?" questioned Mutran.

"Of course it isn't!" laughed Makuta. "Seriously, you think I would be named something like that? It's like if you thought the Director's name was really Director! Director is not his real name! The Director's name is Steven Spielbrick!"

Silence descended upon the Mangaia. Makuta blinked, realizing that he had just revealed one of the biggest secrets ever in The Search for the Mask of Light – the Director's name.

Teridax squawked, then said in a wavering voice: "Teridax wanna cracker!"

Mutran rubbed his hands together like the mad scientist he was, and pulled out a cracker from a Continuity Error. He stuffed it into the pterodactyl's mouth. Immediately, Teridax began coughing, fell off Makuta's shoulder, and fell to the ground writhing in pain before ceasing to move at all.

"You killed Teridax!" screamed Makuta, his jaw dropping so much it nearly hit the ground.

"How else do you think pterodactyls went extinct?" grinned Mutran. "It's my latest creation – a dead pterodactyl! What do you think?"

Makuta groaned and plopped himself down on the couch to watch his super-huge plasma TV mentioned by Rahkshi Kaita Za to take his mind off the death of Teridax. Panrahk chose that moment to slip into the chamber.

"Ah, Panrahk," sighed Makuta, "you bring good news, I presume?"

Panrahk tapped his fingers together in a nervous fashion, and stammered: "Well... uh... yes, I mean... no wait, no... um, hold on... how do I put this... Maxilos is dead!"

"Dead? That's impossible!" yelled Makuta, jumping to his feet. "Maxilos cannot be killed unless stabbed in the back with his own Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword!" He paused for moment, then added quietly: "Well, technically, it doesn't have to be the back, it can be anywhere, and it doesn't have to be the Twin-Bladed Black Fire Sword, it can just be anything that's sharp..."

"Or," explained Panrahk, "Maxilos's batteries could have just run out."

Makuta gasped. "Maxilos is dead!"

At that moment, the super-huge plasma TV mentioned by Rahkshi Kaita Za turned off for no apparent reason.

Makuta gasped again and stared at the TV. "The TV is dead! Death! It surrounds us!"

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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For context: what you are about to read was never before posted on BZPower.  This was to be the final chapter of the story arc based upon Monty Python and the Holy Grail before The Search for the Mask of Light began its own original plot.  However, this chapter was never finished, and this is all that remains.


Chapter 18
The City of Urban Legends

As usual, Director Spielbrick and the Narrator sat off to the side, only now there was something different in Spielbrick's attitude. He seemed tense and nervous, even more so than usual. Then again, that may just be because he had gone more than six months without a single drop of coffee, thanks to the nonexistence of plastic coffee.

Narrator slightly rose his eyebrows. "So, Director," he smiled a little, "your name is actually Steven Spielbrick?"

Director Spielbrick jumped fifty meters out of his seat in fright. "Who said that?" he demanded. "Who told you my name?"

Narrator chuckled softly. Being the only character in the rewrite from the original script comedy, he knew that the Director's name was never revealed in the original, but was once questioned by Primis. "Just why are you so afraid of people finding out your name?" he inquired.

Director Steven Spielbrick glanced around. "They all know I'm paranoid... they're here because they know... now that my name's out to the public, everyone will sue me again and again for having a name that by some coincidence is similar to Steven Spielberg."

"You know," noted Property Master Bob, "I was beginning to suspect you were actually George Brickas."

"Why?" smiled Spielbrick. "Because I seem like someone who created the single best sci-fi trilogy of all time?"

"No..." frowned Bob, "because you seem like the kind of person who would ruin said trilogy with a poorly-done prequel trilogy that had an over-reliance on special effects and bad script-writing."

Narrator intervened just in time to protect Bob from getting socked in the face by Spielbrick. "That would not be Spielbrick's fault," he explained. "That would be the fault of that special effects guy responsible for the booming lightning and flashing thunder in Chapter 8. You know, the special effects guy whose computer had the Rahi Nui CGI model on it and you destroyed it by going on virus-filled website? And the script-"

"What?" bellowed Spielbrick.

"Oh, you mean that special effects guy and that computer?" Bob pointed to the special effects guy desperately trying to recover information from his external hard drive, which too was infected and destroyed by the virus.

"Isn't polite to point!" shouted someone.

Immediately, Director Spielbrick reached for his table, but his hands groped empty air. "Where are my clapperboards?" he screamed.

"You threw them all at Maxilos and Vorzakh." Narrator reminded him.

"Grip!" shouted the Director. A few moments later, Grips Stephanie and Harley stood in front of Spielbrick. "Go get me some new clapperboards, pronto!"

"With all due respect–" began Stephanie.

"– not that we have any for you to begin with," interrupted Harley. "We're Grips, not Gofers."

"Do you want a demotion?" Director Spielbrick smiled menacingly.

Stephanie and Harley traded glances. They both knew that Spielbrick would demote them to Gofers, putting them both at the mercy of getting his clapperboards, megaphones, and non-existent coffee. "No," replied Stephanie.

"Well, unless you want to be demoted to Gofers, go get me some clapperboards!" demanded Spielbrick. "Get on with it!"

"Great," muttered Harley. "We're given Gofer duties without even being demoted to Gofers. This is worse than that time I had to guard the alligator cage. I let in some Gofer claiming to be Stuntman Bart, even though I was perfectly aware that he was not Stuntman Bart, just because the job of guarding the alligator cage was so boring that I wanted to see some bloody entertainment."

When Harley noticed everyone staring awkwardly at him, he added: "Don't worry: no Gofers were harmed in the making of that scene. Unfortunately, that made things more boring than ever."

"Yeah?" Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Well, I had to move Rex's trailer to Stage 1!" She shuddered at the memory of moving a trailer belonging to an overweight T-Rex who had a love for – dare I say it – rhubarb pie. And that's not a stupid pie joke – it's canon. Sadly.


The Chronicler's Company pressed even deeper into the depths of the Mangaia. Or rather, what was left of the company, since Lewa and Pohatu were tossed into the Gorge of Eternal Peril by the Gate Guardian, Nokama quit, and Gali had been arrested.


I hope you enjoyed reading The Search for the Mask of Light.  Reading it over myself for the first time in years as I reposted these chapters for you, I still found a few chuckles, even with the occasional cringe.  Who knows?  Maybe, just maybe, if I have a bit of time and a little inspiration, I might be tempted to finish this chapter and wrap up the story arc so that The Search for the Mask of Light could have some semblance of a conclusion.  But, until then, always remember...

Be polite and don't point.


Okay, seriously, I'm going out on that note?  Who wrote this lousy excuse for a "comedy", anyway?

Edited by PeabodySam
Fixed formatting.
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  • 4 months later...

This was great, thanks for reposting it! :)


My favorite parts were the director’s antics (between the coffee and the pointing), the Hafu jokes, the Rock Raiders and Monty Python references, the continuity errors, the Ta-Koro mob, Mata Nui, and Kongu’s acting like Yoda.  I laughed a lot of the time, though.  The formatting was very easy to follow; the writing style was funny throughout!


I missed this the first time around, so it was definitely worth reposting!

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