On the Run: A Hero Factory Story Review Topic

[Master Inika]

Welcome to the review topic for my new story, On the Run: A Hero Factory Story. This is my first attempt at HF fanfiction. Let me know what you think below, and expect weekly updates.

 

[Nato G]

Intriguing start. I love stories that explore these darker, more morally-complex angles that the original themes themselves never really touched on, so this is right up my alley. I look forward to seeing where things go from here. 

[confused piraka]

I can see the inspiration from your mirror world review! looks good so far and It can only get better

 

[confused piraka]

ohh it's getting good (move over batman)

[confused piraka]

3 hours ago, Master Inika said:

"I mean, who created us? Who created robotkind?

[Nato G]

I'm loving this lore on the origins of the robots. The question of how an entire galaxy became populated by sapient robots was one the original theme always seemed reluctant to explore, so I like that it's getting some exploration here. 

[Nato G]

I’ve been waiting for someone else to comment so that I could avoid double-posting, but it’s been over a month, so I figure it’s safe to do so.

I’ve been loving all of the twists and turns so far. Poor Wane has been getting his hopes squashed at every turn, so I’m hoping this next mission sees things improve for him (though it sounds like he’ll need to get through some formidable villains first). You did a great job of emphasising how existentially terrifying the idea of reprogramming is, and in just a few scenes you’ve managed to transform Mr Makuro into quite a menacing figure.

My only criticism is the lack of description. Sci-fi is a great genre for crazy vistas and visuals, but there hasn’t been a lot of that so far. We’re nine chapters in and I still have no idea what Wane or the other heroes really look like. We don’t need entire paragraphs dedicated to description, but even just a line here or there about the colour, build, mannerisms, etc. of characters can help readers build up an image in their minds.

I look forward to seeing where things go from here. 

[Master Inika]

On 4/25/2024 at 8:07 AM, Nato G said:

I’ve been waiting for someone else to comment so that I could avoid double-posting, but it’s been over a month, so I figure it’s safe to do so.

I’ve been loving all of the twists and turns so far. Poor Wane has been getting his hopes squashed at every turn, so I’m hoping this next mission sees things improve for him (though it sounds like he’ll need to get through some formidable villains first). You did a great job of emphasising how existentially terrifying the idea of reprogramming is, and in just a few scenes you’ve managed to transform Mr Makuro into quite a menacing figure.

My only criticism is the lack of description. Sci-fi is a great genre for crazy vistas and visuals, but there hasn’t been a lot of that so far. We’re nine chapters in and I still have no idea what Wane or the other heroes really look like. We don’t need entire paragraphs dedicated to description, but even just a line here or there about the colour, build, mannerisms, etc. of characters can help readers build up an image in their minds.

I look forward to seeing where things go from here. 

Thank you for the kind words. In writing this, I took some of Greg Farshtey's advice to put my protagonist in situations without planning how he'd get out of them, and I have to admit, you can surprise yourself with what kind of plot twists you can come up with by doing that. Hero Factory had a lot of potential to be almost like a kid-friendly version of Blade Runner and I'm pretty disappointed it never tapped into it, but I guess I can't be surprised LEGO went for something light and approachable after BIONICLE.

You're totally right about me not describing anything. I have no idea why it never occurred to me to. Descriptions are usually one of my favorite parts of writing sci-fi. To be honest, this was almost a personal challenge to me. Some parts of the Hero Factory storyline were better than others, but I would never necessarily say it was actually good, so I wanted to challenge myself to make something readable even if I didn't think all the parts were there. Usually, when I write BIONICLE fanfiction, I just naturally describe stuff because I'm interested in what they look like, but Hero Factory's design language I just find goofy and hard to take seriously, so I might have subconsciously not wanted to bring attention to that. But you're right, it would have made the story better to offer something. If it had been pointed out to me earlier, I would have tried factoring descriptions in more, but I have just published the final chapter (which I had written before I got this message). I will definitely keep that in mind in the next venture.

[Nato G]

5 hours ago, Master Inika said:

Hero Factory's design language I just find goofy and hard to take seriously, so I might have subconsciously not wanted to bring attention to that. 

That's fair. Hero Factory's bright, cartoony style doesn't lend itself super well to tonally darker stories like this one. 

5 hours ago, Master Inika said:

just published the final chapter

Once again, I commend you on your ability to deliver twists. I didn't go into this chapter expecting the entire story to be wrapped up here, but the ending certainly delivers. Great work.