TNTOS Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) This is the review topic for the supplemental epic, "The Other Tale," which takes place during the events of my other epic, "Dimension Hoppers."The epic itself can be found here. Enjoy.Comments, criticisms, reviews, etc. are all appreciated .-TNTOS- Edited January 16, 2012 by TNTOS Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 i am the only one heresadany who the store is great and there was a beg twisti thought that raider was actually sent to steal the time stoneyou think ahead and i like story's that do thatwell that's all fokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 i am the only one heresadany who the store is great and there was a beg twisti thought that raider was actually sent to steal the time stoneyou think ahead and i like story's that do thatwell that's all fokesI do find the lack of comments on this epic a bit strange. It has less chapters than DiH and the chapters are all quite short compared to DiH's chapters. I guess as it is updated less frequently than DiH and is less important, which could explain the lack of reviews.Anyway, thanks for the reply. Yes, Raider was sent just to see if the Time Stone was actually stolen, not to steal it. I thought Syala said that at the end of "An Unlikely Alliance," but perhaps it wasn't clear enough. I don't remember.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 well i think Kafor will be angry without that armor cause he will need all the protection he can get with the dark hunters on to him now do you have a reason why the rama didn't take the golden armor or is that going to stay a mystery? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 well i think Kafor will be angry without that armor cause he will need all the protection he can get with the dark hunters on to him nowdo you have a reason why the rama didn't take the golden armor or is that going to stay a mystery?Kafor is female, by the way.And yes, it will be revealed later on why the Nui-Rama didn't take the golden armor. It's not a terribly huge mystery, but it will be answered in later chapters, I promise.Thanks for replying to this epic and DiH, herv. Really appreciate it .-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scanty Demon Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Well read chapter one and so far so good. Time my review with The good, the bad, and the stuff I couldn't categorize.The Good:For starters Toa Nasis being envious of Kiriah's position when Kiriah is bored out of her mind guarding the Time Stone. Well played my friend. I also enjoyed Loamos.... ah the artistic rage knows no boundry. The Toa Team HQ I liked because it gave us insight on the ToaThe Bad:This fic may suffer from being a supplement fic because some things the reader will only understand if DiH. An example of this would the aforementioned scene with Toa Nasis. I had read DiH so I got that little bit of Irony, someone who hasn't will miss it big time. Also I worried Loamos will be a butt monkey, the comic relief who has one job and that is fall into traps. Granted I not really that worried about Loamos because you're full of surprises.The Stuff I couldn't categorize:Does anyone find it wierd that I'm the only one who has posted here with a picture in their avatar and signature? By the way TNTOS, what happened to your Toa Lhikan picture I liked that. On topic having a female Toa that is not a standard element maybe a bit iffy for some.Sorry for the short review. The Great and Powerful Trixie hopes to see you keep up the good work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 The Good:For starters Toa Nasis being envious of Kiriah's position when Kiriah is bored out of her mind guarding the Time Stone. Well played my friend. I also enjoyed Loamos.... ah the artistic rage knows no boundry. The Toa Team HQ I liked because it gave us insight on the ToaThanks for the compliments .But his namos Laomos, not Loamos. Just thought I'd correct you on that.The Bad:This fic may suffer from being a supplement fic because some things the reader will only understand if DiH. An example of this would the aforementioned scene with Toa Nasis. I had read DiH so I got that little bit of Irony, someone who hasn't will miss it big time. Also I worried Loamos will be a butt monkey, the comic relief who has one job and that is fall into traps. Granted I not really that worried about Loamos because you're full of surprises.On your first point: Agreed, but can't be helped due to its nature as a supplemental fic rather than a full epic.As for Laomos, he's not very important in TOT, besides being mentioned a few times. Nasis and Ahova are the starring Toa, while the rest of the team only get a few minor appearances and roles. I would love to write a story about Laomos, though, because his personality is fun.The Stuff I couldn't categorize:Does anyone find it wierd that I'm the only one who has posted here with a picture in their avatar and signature? By the way TNTOS, what happened to your Toa Lhikan picture I liked that. On topic having a female Toa that is not a standard element maybe a bit iffy for some.My Lhikan avatar was one of the BZP default avatars. When the forums changed, I think they got rid of the defaul avs, which is why I no longer have my Lhikan av. Wish the were still around, though, because I liked it, too.On Ahova: Eh, true. But quite a few fanfic writers like to make all Matoran elementals bigendered, so I figured I could get away with female Ahova being a Toa of Magnetism and female Kicho being a Toa of Stone. No one has complained about it so far anyway, so I don't see any reason to worry about it.Anyway, thanks for the review. Really appreciated it .-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 i dont have much to say about the epic unfortunitlybut i do like the toa having eliments not used by there gendersi think that there should not have been an assigned sex for each type of toaby the way TNTOS you could probaly find that Lhikan av. by google searching if you still want it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 i dont have much to say about the epic unfortunitlybut i do like the toa having eliments not used by there gendersi think that there should not have been an assigned sex for each type of toaby the way TNTOS you could probaly find that Lhikan av. by google searching if you still want itOriginally I tried to stick with the canon rule of one gender per element (mostly because I like to keep my stories as close to canon as possible), but I wanted more female Toa in my stories and so decided to bend the rules a little.Just tried to find the Lhikan avatar via Google like you said, but I couldn't find it, unfortunately. I need to get a new avatar sometime.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 of course, but I always try to go the extra mile when completing missions. For instance, I don’t just steal a treasure. I kill the guards, steal anything else of value, maybe cause a couple of fires and then leave.”if only going the extra mile in school was that much funnothing else to say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 of course, but I always try to go the extra mile when completing missions. For instance, I don’t just steal a treasure. I kill the guards, steal anything else of value, maybe cause a couple of fires and then leave.”if only going the extra mile in school was that much funnothing else to sayYou'd probably get kicked out of school if you did that, heh .-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 not much to say about this chapter but it was goodsoooooooooo...keep up the good work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 not much to say about this chapter but it was goodsoooooooooo...keep up the good workThanks .-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 i am guessing this will lead into the next epici am glad you mentioned the visionsit always bothered me how the toa just had visions like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 i am guessing this will lead into the next epici am glad you mentioned the visionsit always bothered me how the toa just had visions like thatYes, the things mentioned in the epilogue will be important in Dawn of the New Century.In fact, I can confirm that Kafor will be a major character in Dawn, but that's all I am saying for now. Don't want to spoil too much.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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