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Easy Recipes from Smeag: The Chef Strikes Back

Posted by Queen Grr , in Easy Recipes from Smeag Jan 14 2013 · 284 views

EAT ME SHANE jk ilu shane cooking recipes
So, Comrade Gato, my part-time lover...we meet again.
 
You know, negating the fact that we talk weekly, sometimes daily.  That's beside the point.  The point is, you think just because I gave you a guest spot once, you can muscle in on my territory?  Uh-uh, gorgeous.  I'm still the pretty princess of BZP chefs and you can't unseat me.
 
For those to young to remember, I used to post recipes on this blog, which was initially inspired by KIE's culinary blog entries (I still maintain that, during its heyday, Byron's was the best blog BZPower ever saw).  I'm no fancy Chef de cuisine or Sous-chef or anything, but I love to cook, and I wanted to share simple, easy, and diverse recipes to show that it's not a complicated task.  Often, I see young folks talk about how cooking looks so difficult and impossible, and I wanted to say hey man, don't worry!  It can be really easy!
 
I was in college when I first started the series, so my entries really stressed fast, simple things that could often be made in just a dorm room, with only a microwave and cheap canned/boxed foods.  I've been out of college for a couple years now (and moved out to my own place before that, even), so my own cooking's gotten a little more seasoned.  But I still want to highlight that cooking is simple (and fun) - and maybe upset that awful stereotype of the post-graduate life being all cereal, PB&J, and spaghetti.
 
Seriously, screw spaghetti.  Spaghetti is for people who've lost hope.  I should make an entry titled "20 things to do with pasta that AREN'T spaghetti but are just as easy and just as cheap." 
 
That all said, I'm going to start with a recipe that actually requires no cooking at all.  Why, you ask?  Because I want to strike back against Gato with something that will hurt him.  Shane, baby, I see your meat sushi and counter with...something healthy, you pansy.  You and your precious jingoism and your gender binary.  I'm coming for you, and your cuteness won't protect you this time.  Like the Hulk, today we're going....GREEN.
 
 
Fresh Salad with Mango and Avocado
And Home-Made Cilantro/Jalapeno Dressing
 
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Ingredients
  • 1 head of lettuce
  • 1 ripe mango
  • 1 avocado
  • 1 scallion
  • 1/2 red pepper
  • 1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves
  • 6 tbsp olive oil
  • 2 1/2 tbsp lime juice (I fresh-squeezed mine, but you can get a bottle for like a buck or less)
  • 2 jalapeno peppers (i use pickled jalapeno in lieu of fresh, but fresh is better)
  • 1/4 cup chopped cilantro
  • 1/2 tsp celery salt (or regular salt if you're boring)
All of these can be picked up in the produce section of your local grocery, so don't act like you don't know where to buy an avocado.  Ray. 
 
Preparation
 
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Peel and slice the mango and avocado, and slice the red pepper and scallion.  Wash the lettuce and cilantro.  Set all these aside.  Mmm, they all look so colourful and delicious.  Put some color in my gut.
 
Now dice some of that mango, chop 1/4 cup of the cilantro, and dice the jalapenos.  Throw these in a medium bowl with the olive oil, celery salt, and lime juice, and mix.  If you have any soy sauce or red pepper flakes, feel free to add a little - or just experiment!  Cooking is all about just adding or substituting whatever looks good and rolling with it.  Anyway stir all this stuff together.
 
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Oh, oh dang, son. Did you just MAKE a SALAD DRESSING?  You know, the kind of stuff that you usually have to buy in bottles?  Oh man.  You did.  And all you had to do was stir.  You're incredible.
 
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Tear up your lettuce and cilantro leaves with your hands, and toss them in the dressing.  Top with the mango, avocado, and red pepper slices, and ENJOY.  This quantity serves about 2-4 people and can be a side dish or a main course. 
 
I always tried to give vegetarian alternatives for most of the recipes I posted, since it's socially-conscious and my buddy Rob (Janus here on BZ) is vegetarian, but I can't give a vegetarian alternative for this because it already has no meat.  Dang, son! 
 
I'd like to get back in the game of posting recipes regularly.  Feel free to recommend cuisines/types of dishes/whatever you'd like me to cover.  I'd also be happy to feature guest spots.  I just wanna encourage good, easy food times among my peers.  Put down the hamburger helper, knowhatimsayin?
 
In conclusion: EAT IT, SHANE.

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Exit Sign Fuses
Jan 14 2013 04:01 PM

You are a horrible person and you should feel bad

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But Andrew, I don't have any of those
All of these can be picked up in the produce section of your local grocery, so don't act like you don't know where to buy an avocado. Ray.

Gaaaaaaaaahhhh
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THERE ARE NO AVACADOES IN OKLAHOMA. IF THEY CROSS THE STATE LINE, THEY EXPLODE. True story.
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THERE ARE NO AVACADOES IN OKLAHOMA. IF THEY CROSS THE STATE LINE, THEY EXPLODE. True story.

 

Given that I've learned 7-11s in Oklahoma literally do not serve any of the products that they serve in the rest of the US/World, I actually am willing to believe this.

 

But then again, Ray also tried to convince me he didn't know what a parfait was and I saw right through that attempt to trick me.

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Hey, I like spaghetti. (It doesn't take too much effort if you don't have a lot of time.) Then again, I specialize more in the bakery department anyway, but I can also cook.

 

©1984-2013 Toaraga EAM

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Hey man, lay off the spaghetti. I appreciate my bolognese with a penne or a bowtie, but sometimes you just want to lady and the tramp it up.

I'd send some resplendant recipation, but it seems to be you got this whole cooking gig down pat. What you need is a baker.

Andrew... I am that baker.

P.S. Cilantro is a horrid herb that needs to ashamedly excuse itself from my favorite cuisines forever.

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@Bio D: uhhh no. Anything you add cilantro to immediately becomes ambrosia.

:3
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Hey man, lay off the spaghetti. I appreciate my bolognese with a penne or a bowtie, but sometimes you just want to lady and the tramp it up.

I'd send some resplendant recipation, but it seems to be you got this whole cooking gig down pat. What you need is a baker.

Andrew... I am that baker.

 

It's not the pasta shape so much that I have vitriol against (discrimination against pasta shapes deeply offends my stomach...), it's the fact that the stereotypical college-grad-living-alone often seems to think it's the only thing you can make cheaply and easily. 

 

It's not.  There are so many other things you can cook that are just as cheap, just as easy, and a million times more delicious than spaghetti-and-Ragu.  You just have to drop the self-deprecating belief that you "can't cook anything else."  Get some hope!  Believe in yourself!!  That's what I'm saying.

 

As for baking, I'd love to feature guest spots on this, as I said!  I also ought to post some of my own baking confections sometime.  My banana walnut bread is totally famous throughout the mid-Atlantic.

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DISCOGRAPHY

Desperate for Attention (2014)

Oh, Tonight (2013)

Mix Tape 1 (2013)


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Faces To The Names

In relative order of meeting and/or encountering them. There are definitely some missing but I'm bad with usernames. PM me if you've met me at a BrickFair or something but aren't on this list.

1989: ActionMasterBumblebee
1995: Cronua
2002: Antonapoulos
2006: Bionicle Rex, Kopaka's Ice Engineering, Kaiapu, Spoony Bard, Black Six, InnerRayg, ChocolateFrogs
2008: Swiftone, LehvakLah, Makaru, Deevee, Magpi, Kohaku, Roa McToa, speaknspell, Nikira, Twingding, krazyrapdude
2009: Janus, Friar Tuck, Senjo, Hahli Husky, Emzee, Alsru: Toa of Honor, Spink, Disky
2010: Nukaya, ToM Dracone, Arpy, Sisen, xccj, Nuju Metru, Primus, Vezok's Friend, Lloyd: White Wolf, Stubbed Toa, Waffles, dablackcat
2011: Brave Dragon, Brickeens, Toa Lhikan Hordika, and many more at BrickFair '11 who I do not remember!
2012: Tufi Piyufi, Takuma Nuva, Avohkah Tamer, and many more at BrickFair '12 who I do not remember!
2013: !!JOHN CENA!!, Ryuujin, Der Xaeger, probably more at BrickFair '13 that I don't remember

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