Dorkpool

“So, BIONICLE ended again?” Kyra asked. She and Aldo sat on a pier in Outtacontin Nui, just talking. “That it has, Kyra,” Aldo responded. “Did it really end as stupidly as I was led to believe?” Kyra inquired. “Well – ” Aldo started, until a screaming in the sky caught their attention. The Turaga and Matoran looked up to see six elemental colored rays of light shooting down from the sky. It seemed each part would land on different parts of Outtacontin Nui. What the two noticed was that the blue one was heading right towards where they were sitting. Kyra and Aldo scrambled up the pier as the blue light hit the water with a splash. The two turned around to see a figure in the water, who jumped gracefully onto the pier. “Who are you?” Kyra asked. “I am Gali, Uniter of Water!” the figure said proudly. Kyra turned to Aldo. “Wait, this is where they came from?” “This is where they returned, as they are no longer canon.” Aldo explained. “Hey, Gali?” Kyra asked. “Yes?” “How did that climatic battle with Makuta and Ekimu really go? I figured you know.” “Well…” I Banish You To The Cancelled Realm! Umarak had led Ekimu and the six Uniters to where Makuta was returning. The visage of Makuta was visible through some purple portal-like thing. “Makuta!” Ekimu said. “It’s time to d-d-d-duel!” “Very well!” Makuta responded! “I activate Umarak the Destroyer!” Umarak charged the six Uniters, attacking them. Gali was immediately defeated. “Umarak sends your Gali the Uniter to the graveyard!” Makuta said, as Gali’s spirit went into the portal-like thing where Makuta was. “Fine, Makuta! I use my five Uniters to attack your Umarak the Destroyer!” The five remaining Uniters attacked Umarak. It didn’t do much. “Ha ha!” Makuta laughed. “My Umarak the Destroyer is too strong for your Uniters!” “Not so fast, Makuta!” Ekimu exclaimed, pointing at the glowing Master of Shadows. “I activate my Trap Card, Deus Ex Machina Information! It returns my Gali the Uniter from the graveyard, and gives her necessary crammed in information to win!” Makuta gasped. “I also use my Spell Card, Gen 1 Shoutout, because it’s still my turn! And I use my six Uniters to attack you directly!” The six Uniters used some color corresponding elemental beams to attack Makuta. “My six Uniters destroy all your Life Points, and send you to the Shadow Realm!” “Nooooo!” Makuta yelled, as he was defeated. “Take that, Makaiba!” Ekimu said. “Don’t you mean ‘Makuta’?” Tahu asked. “Shouldn’t you all be leaving?” Ekimu responded. And the six Uniters went…somewhere. “So this was one big Yu-Gi-Oh joke?” Kyra asked. “No, it was a serious battle.” Gali replied. “Using the phrase ‘Shadow Realm’ makes it hard to take something seriously,” Aldo pointed out. “Hey, it’s better than a battle of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots,” Gali muttered. “Let’s agree they’re both stupid,” Aldo said. All three nodded in agreement. After a brief pause, Kyra asked, “So, are you staying here, or…?” Gali shrugged.

Thank you.

Things on Outtacontin Nui had been quiet as of late. Mainly because Turaga Aldo had been missing. Normally, this would cause panic and confusion. However, since Aldo didn’t really do anything aside from tell stories and yell crazy things, others governed, so his presence wasn’t really missed. Well, except by one being. A Ga-Matoran named Kyra. She’d enjoyed hearing Aldo’s stories, and did miss him. Also, talking to him gave her something to do besides get underfoot and anger people. As such, she had been looking for him. One day, she had just given up. It was on that day that a voice behind her said, “Kyra,” The Ga-Matoran turned around to see Aldo. “Aldo?” she asked. “Where have you been?” Aldo looked nervous. “Er, at home, doing, uh, Turaga things.” Kyra crossed her arms. “You were binge-watching Orange Is The New Brown, weren’t you?” “Yes,” Kyra sighed. “Hey, it’s a good show!” Aldo responded defensively. “Yeah, whatever. There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you.” “Ask.” “How come beings of Earth changed from brown to orange or yellow?” “Well…” Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Voriki? The robed figures ran as rain pelted them. Thunder cracked and lighting flashed. Farshety, the Great God of Canon, was angry. The figures soon came upon a cliff. “Oh, Great God of Canon!” one yelled. “What has upset you so?” “I AM NOT UPSET.” A voice boomed back. “I SIMPLY HAVE A NEW DECREE.” The same robed figure asked, “What is it you decree?” “I DECREE THAT THE COLOR BROWN ON ALL EARTH BEINGS SHALL BE REPLACED WITH…ORANGE AND/OR YELLOW!” A gasp went through the group. Replace brown with orange and/or yellow? “Have you lost your mind?” another robed figure asked. The other figures tried shushing him. “WHO SAID THAT?” the voice boomed. One of the figures stepped forward, taking off his hood and revealed a jagged purple mask. “I did,” he said. “AND WHO ARE YOU?” “Voriki, Toa of Energy!” A bolt of lightning fell upon Voriki, completely eradicating him. “HE IS NO LONGER CANON. DOES ANYONE ELSE OBJECT TO MY DECREE?” the voice asked. The remaining robed figures frantically shook their heads. “GOOD.” “So, wait, the color change is because the Great God of Canon decreed it?” Kyra asked. Aldo nodded. “The Great God works in mysterious, and lethal, ways.” He said.

Yes agree I do. Web pages are very beneficial, yes? So good and useful. Glad you like weblog. You make your own personal site, indeed.

I've been reading through many "BIONICLE is ending" threads on both this site and TTV, partly out of genuine curiosity and a want for new info, and partly because it's kind of fun to read Internet arguments. That being said, I'd like to make my thoughts on this subject known. First, I'm 100% sure BIONICLE will have 2017 waves. No matter what many say, it would just be idiotic on their part to just completely scrap 2017. They planned out three years, and they will have three years. However, I'm not too sure about 2018 and onward. It might end at 2017, it might not. I don't know. But if it does end, I won't be too sad. Not because I hate the reboot or anything, far from it. I'm glad BIONICLE got a second chance, and I'm glad it was able to have such good sets released (Yes, I know, some of you don't like the sets, but this is my opinion. Feel free to disagree). I will admit that personally, I'm not the biggest fan of the story. From what I've seen (basically, the animations for 2015, some episodes of JtO, and the first book), the story is meh. But I've been hearing good things from those completely caught up, and I do plan to catch up. I won't pretend the reboot is flawless, because it's not. But it was a valiant effort, and I respect that. I'd also like to mention an epiphany I've had. I've noticed that many people who dislike G2 are the same ones saying it will end. I'm also pretty sure that these same people campaigned the loudest and hardest for more BIONICLE in the first place. And I'm willing to bet that when and/or if G2 ends, these same people will go back to screaming to Lego, "BRING BACK BIONICLE!" And, assuming Lego does, they'll probably hate G3 too. My point is that these people, the people who tried so hard to bring back BIONICLE, don't want BIONICLE back. They want BIONICLE G1 back. They don't want a new generation or new ideas; they want what they had before, because that to them is BIONICLE. That's what I think, at least. I could be wrong. But whatever. If BIONICLE G2 ends, I'll still be happy that we had it for as long as we did, and will eagerly look forward to whatever Lego has next.

Ok, today there isn't a story. Well, not on here. It's on the TTV Message Boards. They're a bit more...loose with their standards and censorship, and I felt today's story - which was basically a Creepypasta parody - might be a bit too dark for this site. Also, there were links to my site, which is rather profane. I will, however, link to today's story on the TTV Message Boards. Read at your own risk. http://board.ttvpodcast.com/t/everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-bionicle-but-were-afraid-to-ask/11569/23

“So, did anyone else know that Mata Nui was a giant robot before it was officially revealed to the universe?” Kyra asked. “Well – wait, you’re starting off with the actual question?” Aldo asked. “Yeah. Is that a problem?” “No, no, just kind of weird. Anyway…” Told You “So, there I was, traveling past Artidax,” the Steltian trader known as Farold said. He was at a tavern for other traders and sailors like himself. As of present, he was telling a few of them some tales from his voyages. “I had gone past most of the Southern continents, and was reaching the ends of the universe. And then…” Farold paused, mostly for dramatic effect. His audience was captivated, and leaned in closer. “I hit something. A wall of sorts. Oddly enough, I couldn’t go past it. I had officially reached the end of the universe.” The listeners of his story, once listening with rapt attention and focused, laughed. The end of the universe being a wall? Please. “What?” Farold asked. One of the audience, a being named Doufn, explained. “You expect us to believe that? What, are we in some kind of enclosed space? Maybe like a box, or a giant robot?” Farold thought for a second. “Giant robot…yeah, that makes sense.” Doufn laughed in his face. “You’re crazy.” Some time later… Doufn hid in a hut, a disk launcher at his side. Makuta had taken over the universe, and that was very, very bad. Doufn had screwed over some Makuta in a deal some time back, and now he hid in fear, waiting to die. Also with him was the Steltian trader Farold. “Told you so,” Farold said, right before a squadron of Exo-Toa barged into the hut. “So what exactly happened to those two?” Kyra asked. Aldo shrugged. “I don’t know. Wait for a miniseries or something to come out explaining it.” “There’s a miniseries coming?” “I don’t know. I just tell stories.”

“So Greg Farshtey – ” Kyra started, before Aldo interrupted her. “The Great God of Canon, Farshtey,” Aldo corrected. Kyra sighed. “Yeah. Him. Anyway, he said the Shadowed One had created a new army from the dregs of Bara Magnan society. What’s that army called?” “Hmm…” Aldo said. The Name Game The Shadowed One was a figure to be feared and respected in the Matoran Universe. He ran an organization of thieves, killers, and mercenaries who caused Matoran everywhere to cower and fear, and Toa everywhere to die. However, after the biggest battle of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots ever fought, the Shadowed One realized he needed a new organization and a new name for said organization. He’s got the first one down pretty well so far, recruiting the dregs of beings from this “Bara Magna” place. Now he needed a name. Which is why he was in his new base, trying to think one up. And failing. He needed some help. “Sentrakh!” he yelled, trying to call for his most trusted assistant. He didn’t come, and then the Shadowed One realized why. He had sent out the undead yellow being to recruit more people into his unnamed organization. He was curious about how that was going. Elsewhere… Sentrakh was talking to a group of Bone Hunters. “So, you guys should, like, totally join with this awesome guy called the Shadowed One. He’s great. And awesome.” One of the Bone Hunters said, “This ‘Shadowed One’ sounds kind of melodramatic. I mean, seriously, who calls themselves ‘The Shadowed One’ unless they’re trying to sound dramatic?” Sentrakh took this well. He powered up and aimed his Rhotuka Launcher, and yelled, “DO NOT INSULT SHADOW SENPAI!” Elsewhere again… The Shadowed One figured Sentrakh was doing alright. But right now, he needed a name. “Ancient!” he yelled, before realizing that he killed Ancient. Oops. Well, fine, he didn’t need anyone. He was the Shadowed One. He could do this on his own. Ok, a good name, he needed a good name. Something to strike fear and terror into the hearts of his enemies. Something like… “Team RWBY!” the Shadowed One yelled in a Euraka-esque moment. Then he said, “Wait, what?” No, something that makes sense and isn’t trademarked. How about… “Hydra!” Wait, no, something that’s not trademarked. Outside the door to the Shadowed One’s quarters in the base, Darkness stood by, waiting to see if the Shadowed One would become weak and have to be killed. The fact that he heard the Shadowed One shout things like, “The Shadowed One’s Lonely Hearts Club,” “Dark Bones,” “The Avengers,” “The Not-So-Justice League,” and “The Organization That Isn’t The Biggest Fan of Toa, Matoran, Agori, and Glatorian” made him wonder if now was the time. Darkness opened the door to the Shadowed One’s quarters, and poked his head inside. “Hey, are you being weak?” Darkness asked. “Nope!” the Shadowed One said quickly. “Totally being strong and cruel and masculine. After I finish doing this, I’m going to go club some baby Mahi and burn an orphanage, because I’m tough and cruel like that.” “Hmmm…” Darkness said. “Ok.” The dark being exited the room and closed the door. Ok, so maybe that last name could work. Maybe something a bit more aggressive. Something like… “The Anti-Toa, Glatorian, Agori, and Matoran Organization,” the Shadowed One said sometime later. He was sitting at a round table, with Sentrakh standing behind him. Around the table were some Skrall, Bone Hunters, and other trusted Dark Hunters. He was telling them the name of the new organization. They laughed. The Shadowed One sighed, somewhat annoyed that the name was rejected, and said, “Sentrakh, kill them.” Sentrakh did so, yelling, “NO ONE INSULTS SHADOW SENPAI!” And so, the Shadowed One’s combined forces came to be called the Anti-Toa, Glatorian, and Matoran Organization. “You know, you didn’t need to tell a whole story to answer me,” Kyra said. “Of course I did! It’s tradition. Besides, I had a story for it, and people like these little stories.” Aldo said. “Ok, yeah, good point.”

“I have a question,” Kyra said. “I’m not surprised,” Aldo responded. “Why did Brutaka decide to help the Piraka?” “Well…” A Pun A Day Drives The Brutaka Slightly Insane Brutaka and Axonn hid in a cave, watching to see if anyone tried to come for the Mask of Life or hurt the Matoran of the island. It was boring work, but they had to do it. Of course, it would be easier for Brutaka if Axonn shut up. “Hey, hey, Brutaka,” Axonn said. Brutaka sighed. “Axonn, I know what you’re going to say, and I ask that you please don’t.” “But, Brutaka, I really need to axe you a question.” Brutaka didn’t even need to see Axonn to know the bulky being with abnormally large hands was smiling behind his mask. He decided not deck Axonn, or use his mask to send the axe-wielder into another dimension (though the thought did cross his mind). Besides, eventually he and Axonn would be sent on another mission far away from this speck of land, right? Centuries passed, along with multiple bad puns. “Hey, Brutaka, I wonder Hau come the Great Spirit is represented by the Mask of Shielding.” “Hey, Brutaka, you know what really rocks? A Toa of Stone.” “Hey, Brutaka, that Toa of Ice sure is cool.” “Hey, Brutaka…” “Hey, Brutaka…” “Brutaka…” “Brutaka…” Brutaka, at this point, was about ready to snap. However, that was when the Great Cataclysm struck, causing Voya Nui to rocket upwards. Some beings on the island died. Unfortunately for Brutaka, Axonn was not one of them. However, Axonn was still his friend (ish), so Brutaka asked, “Axonn, are you ok?” “Yeah,” Axonn said. “It was thanks to some quake thinking on my part that I’m alright,” Brutaka sighed. Many died from what just happened. Why couldn’t Axonn be one of them? Time passed. Around 700 years, to be exact. Then, a part of the island – Mahri Nui – fell off and sank into the sea. “Well, I guess we’ll sea them later,” Axonn said about the event. “Dude,” Brutaka said. “Not cool. Beings died.” “Oh. Right. Oops.” Brutaka groaned. He was getting really, really tired of Axonn. Some time later, six canisters washed upon the island, carrying with them beings who some ungodly reason have a rap dedicated to them. They called themselves Piraka, and wanted the Mask of Life, and were prepared to kidnap bands in order to get it. “We have to prevent the Piraka from getting the Mask of Life!” Axonn exclaimed. “Who knows what terrible Thoks and plans lurk in their minds for the Ignika?” Brutaka thought about it. On the one hand, he could help Axonn and stop the Piraka. On the other, the Piraka could help him kill Axonn. Brutaka fired an electric blast from his sword at Axonn, and ran away yelling, “NO MORE PUNS!” “Puns,” Kyra stated. “Yep,” Aldo said. “Brutaka helped the Piraka because of terrible puns,” “Of course. I mean, I’d hope you punderstand,” Kyra was silent for a minute, processing the pun, then dying a bit inside. “Yes,” she said. “Yes I do.”

“I’ve been wondering something,” Kyra said. Aldo sighed. “What is it this time?” “I was curious about what the Shadowed One’s real name is, and how come only Ancient knows it?” “Well, that is a good question. And fortunately, I have a good answer.” What’s In A Name? The Shadowed One and Ancient were home. They were on the island on which they originated from, a land that, in the Shadowed One’s own words, was never blessed by the gaze of Mata Nui. Considering that the island is inside Mata Nui, this is kind of confusing when one thinks about it. The two walked to the Hall of Records, a place where information and records were kept about every being on and from the island, including the Shadowed One and Ancient. They entered the building, and were greeted by a waiting room. Beings sat around, reading centuries old tablets. Or rather, they were asleep with said tablets on them. Meanwhile, at the front, someone announced, “Next please!” A being woke up, and went to the front. The two decided to take a seat. They waited…and waited…and waited…and waited…and after what felt like millenia, they were called to the front. “Yes?” the woman at the front said once they came up. “Hi, yes, I’d like my birth certificate,” the Shadowed One said. “Alright. What’s your Social Security number?” The Shadowed One stared at her aghast. “Social Security number?” “Yes.” “Social Security – lady, I’m the head of an organization of thieves and killers! I don’t have a Social Security number!” “Fine, then I guess I can’t give you your birth certificate. Ne – ” The Shadowed One interrupted her before she could say, “Next!” They didn’t want to wait again. “What if I told you my name?” the Shadowed One asked. “If it’s the name on the birth certificate, then sure,” The Shadowed One mumbled something. “What’s that?” the woman asked. The Shadowed One once again muttered the same thing, but a little louder. “Listen, if you don’t say your name, then – ” “Cuddle Muffins,” the Shadowed One said. “Cuddle Muffins?” the woman asked. The Shadowed One nodded. Everything seemed to fall silent for one second. Then, the woman said, “Oh, you! Everyone here talks about you! I’ll get your certificate, hon, don’t you worry!” She went into the back, and soon returned with the Shadowed One’s birth certificate. “Here you go!” she said brightly, giving it to him. The Shadowed One destroyed it with his disintegration eyebeams. He and Ancient then left the building. “Ancient,” the Shadowed One said soon after they left. “If you repeat that to anyone, I will do things to you that will make you wish for death.” Ancient nodded, while laughing inside. “Cuddle Muffins?” Kyra asked. Aldo nodded. “Well, it sure does explain why he didn’t want his name revealed…” Kyra said. “Yeah. That, and the possible fan outcry. I mean, everyone got angry because of the name Teridax. Imagine what Cuddle Muffins would cause.” Kyra thought for a second. “My guess: tons of MLP/BIONICLE fan art. I mean, isn't Cuddle Muffins the name of some pony or something?” "It wouldn't surprise me," Aldo said.

The Matoro Memorial. Most every island or city has one of these, to commorate the sacrifice made by the Toa Inika/Mahri of Ice, a sacrifice which ended up leading to Makuta taking over the body of Mata Nui. Kyra and Aldo were visiting it today. “Hey, why did Matoro have to die?” Kyra asked. “What do you mean? To save the universe,” Aldo responded. “No, I mean why him in particular. Why Matoro instead of Nuparu, or Jaller?” “Well…” Dead on Arrival The Toa Inika and the Matoran Resistance had met up. They were discussing ways to take down the Piraka, free the island, and get the Mask of Life. After Garan had brought up a plan, Velika responded with, “The Tarakava only eats at midnight,” No one had any idea what it was he meant. However, Matoro decided to respond. “You’re a strange little being,” he said. “Are you alright in the head?” After the meeting had disbanded, Velika, still angry about Matoro’s comments, found the 777 staircase to the Mask of Life, and started going down them. Soon, he met Umbra. “Halt. I am Umbra. I guard the Mask of Life,” the wheel-footed guardian said. “Yeah, I know. I’m a Great Being. I need to see it,” Velika responded. “How do I know you’re a Great Being?” “Well, if you don’t let me pass, I’ll use my Great Being powers on you,” Umbra just stared at the Matoran. “The Great Beings have no powers,” he said. “Exactly,” Umbra, getting tired of this nonsense, let Velika pass. After taking some shortcuts, Velika soon arrived at the Chamber of the Mask. In the Chamber were Vezon and his giant spider, Fenrakk. “Hello there, little Matoran. What are you doing here? Why are you doing here? Are you here? Are we here? What – ” Vezon started, until Velika interrupted him. “Shut up, you Deadpool knockoff. I’m here to talk to the mask.” Velika said. “Deadpool knockoff? I’m no knockoff! I’m a vezon, actually,” Vezon said. “You’re talkative, insane, and homicidal. Hi, Deadpool, how are you? Now, let me talk to the mask.” Vezon thought about this. On the one hand, he’s Vezon, and completely insane, and could just kill this Matoran. On the other, he’s kind of bored, so he might as well let the Matoran and mask talk. “Alright, you guys can talk,” Vezon said. The Ignika, which is telepathic for plot based purposes, “spoke” to Velika. “What do you want?” it asked. “I want you to get Matoro killed,” Velika responded. “Why?” “He insulted me.” The Ignika was silent for a minute, then said, “So let me get this straight. You want me to kill a Toa because he insulted you.” “Yes, that is correct,” “You, sir, are petty,” “I’m called a Great Being. Humility isn’t exactly my strong suit.” “Clearly.” “So will you do it?” Velika asked. “Ugh. Fine,” the Ignika responded. Velika soon left. “So Matoro died because Velika was insulted?” Kyra asked. “Yep,” Aldo answered. “Wow, Great Beings really suck,” “Well, yeah, that’s basically the biggest message of BIONICLE: the Great Beings suck, and all problems can be traced back to them.”

I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Did you mean Glatorian instead of Toa?

Oh. Makes sense.

So, there's something I was wondering about the Protectors: those weapons they have. You know, the 2015 launcher (which I'm not sure has a name). Are those things attached to them organically, or can they be separated from the Protector? If the latter, then why not disassemble the weapon, find out what makes it tick, then hand one out to every villager or a specialized squad (think Ta-Koro Guard) to combat the Skull Spiders? And even if that can't be done, why aren't the Protectors teaming up and going after the Skull Spiders? Based on the animations, they can hold their own pretty well. Sure, they eventually got overwhelmed, but that's because they were facing a giant horde. And even then, it was just one Protector. Also, where did they get those things? Did Ekimu make them or something?

The Golden Ignika from Toa Mata Nui (plus the silver and Glatorian head one)