Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'Lewa0111'.



More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Announcements & Administration
    • Reference Desk
    • BZPower Q&A
    • BZPower.com News Discussion
  • LEGO Discussion
    • Bionicle Discussion
    • Bionicle Storyline & Theories
    • Ninjago Discussion
    • Hero Factory Discussion
    • LEGO Discussion
  • Creative Outlet
    • LEGO-Based Creations
    • Library
    • Artwork
    • Games & More
  • BZPower Discussion
    • General Discussion
    • Convention & Event Planning
    • BioniLUG Discussion
    • Buy/Sell/Trade
  • Affiliates
    • BS01/HS01
  • Non-LEGO Forums
    • Completely Off Topic
    • Off Topic Culture

Calendars

  • Community Calendar
  • BioniLUG Calendar

Blogs

  • blogs_blog_1
  • blogs_blog_2
  • blogs_blog_3
  • blogs_blog_4
  • blogs_blog_5
  • blogs_blog_6
  • What You Want Is Now
  • blogs_blog_8
  • blogs_blog_9
  • blogs_blog_10
  • blogs_blog_11
  • blogs_blog_12
  • blogs_blog_13
  • blogs_blog_14
  • blogs_blog_15
  • blogs_blog_1841
  • blogs_blog_1842
  • blogs_blog_1843
  • blogs_blog_17
  • blogs_blog_18
  • blogs_blog_19
  • blogs_blog_20
  • blogs_blog_21
  • blogs_blog_22
  • blogs_blog_23
  • blogs_blog_529
  • Akano's Blog
  • blogs_blog_25
  • blogs_blog_26
  • blogs_blog_27
  • blogs_blog_28
  • blogs_blog_29
  • blogs_blog_30
  • blogs_blog_553
  • blogs_blog_31
  • blogs_blog_503
  • blogs_blog_32
  • blogs_blog_621
  • blogs_blog_33
  • blogs_blog_34
  • blogs_blog_35
  • blogs_blog_36
  • blogs_blog_37
  • blogs_blog_38
  • blogs_blog_1590
  • blogs_blog_568
  • blogs_blog_39
  • blogs_blog_40
  • blogs_blog_41
  • blogs_blog_42
  • blogs_blog_43
  • blogs_blog_44
  • Star Blogging across the universe
  • blogs_blog_46
  • blogs_blog_47
  • blogs_blog_48
  • blogs_blog_49
  • blogs_blog_576
  • blogs_blog_1407
  • blogs_blog_135
  • blogs_blog_50
  • blogs_blog_1019
  • Mount Coronet
  • blogs_blog_80
  • blogs_blog_51
  • blogs_blog_52
  • blogs_blog_53
  • blogs_blog_54
  • blogs_blog_55
  • blogs_blog_504
  • blogs_blog_515
  • blogs_blog_56
  • blogs_blog_626
  • blogs_blog_57
  • blogs_blog_138
  • blogs_blog_58
  • blogs_blog_59
  • blogs_blog_60
  • blogs_blog_61
  • blogs_blog_62
  • blogs_blog_72
  • J.A.F. Team
  • blogs_blog_64
  • blogs_blog_65
  • blogs_blog_66
  • Bloghaku
  • blogs_blog_68
  • blogs_blog_69
  • blogs_blog_70
  • blogs_blog_71
  • blogs_blog_73
  • blogs_blog_876
  • blogs_blog_74
  • blogs_blog_75
  • blogs_blog_76
  • blogs_blog_518
  • blogs_blog_84
  • blogs_blog_78
  • blogs_blog_79
  • blogs_blog_81
  • blogs_blog_82
  • blogs_blog_83
  • blogs_blog_85
  • blogs_blog_86
  • blogs_blog_1397
  • blogs_blog_96
  • blogs_blog_499
  • blogs_blog_87
  • blogs_blog_88
  • blogs_blog_89
  • blogs_blog_91
  • blogs_blog_92
  • blogs_blog_578
  • blogs_blog_579
  • blogs_blog_93
  • blogs_blog_94
  • blogs_blog_95
  • blogs_blog_97
  • blogs_blog_497
  • blogs_blog_98
  • blogs_blog_113
  • blogs_blog_99
  • blogs_blog_103
  • blogs_blog_100
  • blogs_blog_101
  • blogs_blog_102
  • blogs_blog_104
  • blogs_blog_105
  • blogs_blog_106
  • blogs_blog_107
  • blogs_blog_108
  • blogs_blog_109
  • blogs_blog_545
  • blogs_blog_110
  • blogs_blog_111
  • blogs_blog_112
  • blogs_blog_115
  • blogs_blog_114
  • blogs_blog_116
  • blogs_blog_117
  • blogs_blog_118
  • blogs_blog_119
  • blogs_blog_120
  • blogs_blog_121
  • blogs_blog_122
  • blogs_blog_123
  • blogs_blog_124
  • blogs_blog_125
  • blogs_blog_126
  • blogs_blog_127
  • blogs_blog_128
  • Blogs Blags Blogs 42
  • blogs_blog_1604
  • blogs_blog_130
  • blogs_blog_131
  • blogs_blog_597
  • blogs_blog_620
  • blogs_blog_132
  • blogs_blog_1445
  • blogs_blog_133
  • blogs_blog_134
  • blogs_blog_136
  • blogs_blog_137
  • blogs_blog_139
  • blogs_blog_140
  • blogs_blog_141
  • blogs_blog_142
  • blogs_blog_143
  • blogs_blog_144
  • blogs_blog_145
  • blogs_blog_146
  • blogs_blog_147
  • blogs_blog_153
  • blogs_blog_148
  • blogs_blog_149
  • blogs_blog_150
  • blogs_blog_617
  • blogs_blog_151
  • blogs_blog_152
  • blogs_blog_154
  • blogs_blog_612
  • blogs_blog_155
  • blogs_blog_156
  • blogs_blog_157
  • blogs_blog_233
  • blogs_blog_158
  • blogs_blog_1585
  • blogs_blog_272
  • blogs_blog_159
  • blogs_blog_160
  • blogs_blog_161
  • blogs_blog_162
  • blogs_blog_163
  • blogs_blog_164
  • blogs_blog_165
  • blogs_blog_166
  • blogs_blog_167
  • blogs_blog_168
  • blogs_blog_169
  • blogs_blog_170
  • blogs_blog_171
  • blogs_blog_172
  • blogs_blog_173
  • blogs_blog_174
  • blogs_blog_175
  • blogs_blog_176
  • blogs_blog_177
  • blogs_blog_178
  • blogs_blog_179
  • blogs_blog_180
  • blogs_blog_181
  • blogs_blog_182
  • blogs_blog_183
  • blogs_blog_184
  • blogs_blog_185
  • blogs_blog_186
  • blogs_blog_1794
  • blogs_blog_188
  • blogs_blog_189
  • blogs_blog_190
  • blogs_blog_389
  • blogs_blog_191
  • blogs_blog_192
  • blogs_blog_193
  • blogs_blog_194
  • blogs_blog_195
  • blogs_blog_196
  • blogs_blog_197
  • blogs_blog_198
  • blogs_blog_199
  • blogs_blog_200
  • blogs_blog_201
  • blogs_blog_202
  • blogs_blog_203
  • blogs_blog_204
  • blogs_blog_205
  • blogs_blog_206
  • blogs_blog_207
  • blogs_blog_208
  • blogs_blog_209
  • blogs_blog_210
  • blogs_blog_211
  • blogs_blog_212
  • blogs_blog_213
  • blogs_blog_214
  • blogs_blog_215
  • blogs_blog_216
  • blogs_blog_217
  • blogs_blog_218
  • blogs_blog_219
  • blogs_blog_220
  • blogs_blog_221
  • blogs_blog_222
  • The Minimalist
  • blogs_blog_1605
  • blogs_blog_224
  • blogs_blog_225
  • blogs_blog_226
  • blogs_blog_227
  • blogs_blog_228
  • blogs_blog_229
  • blogs_blog_230
  • blogs_blog_231
  • blogs_blog_232
  • blogs_blog_234
  • blogs_blog_235
  • blogs_blog_236
  • blogs_blog_237
  • blogs_blog_238
  • blogs_blog_239
  • blogs_blog_240
  • blogs_blog_241
  • blogs_blog_242
  • blogs_blog_243
  • blogs_blog_244
  • blogs_blog_245
  • blogs_blog_246
  • blogs_blog_247
  • blogs_blog_248
  • blogs_blog_249
  • Tales of Arizona Blue
  • blogs_blog_251
  • blogs_blog_252
  • blogs_blog_253
  • blogs_blog_254
  • blogs_blog_255
  • blogs_blog_256
  • blogs_blog_257
  • blogs_blog_258
  • blogs_blog_259
  • blogs_blog_260
  • blogs_blog_261
  • blogs_blog_262
  • blogs_blog_263
  • blogs_blog_264
  • blogs_blog_265
  • blogs_blog_266
  • blogs_blog_267
  • blogs_blog_268
  • blogs_blog_269
  • blogs_blog_270
  • blogs_blog_271
  • blogs_blog_273
  • blogs_blog_274
  • blogs_blog_878
  • blogs_blog_275
  • blogs_blog_276
  • blogs_blog_277
  • blogs_blog_278
  • blogs_blog_279
  • blogs_blog_280
  • blogs_blog_281
  • blogs_blog_282
  • blogs_blog_283
  • blogs_blog_284
  • blogs_blog_285
  • blogs_blog_286
  • blogs_blog_287
  • blogs_blog_288
  • blogs_blog_637
  • blogs_blog_289
  • blogs_blog_290
  • blogs_blog_291
  • blogs_blog_292
  • blogs_blog_293
  • blogs_blog_325
  • blogs_blog_1844
  • blogs_blog_1464
  • blogs_blog_294
  • blogs_blog_295
  • blogs_blog_296
  • blogs_blog_297
  • blogs_blog_298
  • blogs_blog_299
  • blogs_blog_300
  • blogs_blog_1501
  • blogs_blog_317
  • blogs_blog_302
  • blogs_blog_303
  • blogs_blog_304
  • blogs_blog_305
  • blogs_blog_306
  • blogs_blog_307
  • blogs_blog_308
  • blogs_blog_853
  • blogs_blog_309
  • blogs_blog_310
  • blogs_blog_311
  • blogs_blog_986
  • blogs_blog_611
  • blogs_blog_562
  • blogs_blog_312
  • blogs_blog_313
  • blogs_blog_314
  • blogs_blog_315
  • blogs_blog_319
  • blogs_blog_316
  • blogs_blog_318
  • blogs_blog_320
  • blogs_blog_321
  • blogs_blog_322
  • blogs_blog_323
  • blogs_blog_358
  • blogs_blog_324
  • blogs_blog_326
  • blogs_blog_327
  • blogs_blog_328
  • blogs_blog_329
  • blogs_blog_330
  • blogs_blog_331
  • blogs_blog_332
  • blogs_blog_333
  • blogs_blog_334
  • blogs_blog_335
  • blogs_blog_336
  • blogs_blog_337
  • blogs_blog_613
  • blogs_blog_338
  • blogs_blog_339
  • blogs_blog_340
  • blogs_blog_533
  • blogs_blog_341
  • blogs_blog_342
  • blogs_blog_343
  • blogs_blog_344
  • blogs_blog_345
  • blogs_blog_346
  • blogs_blog_347
  • blogs_blog_348
  • blogs_blog_349
  • blogs_blog_352
  • blogs_blog_351
  • blogs_blog_353
  • blogs_blog_354
  • blogs_blog_355
  • blogs_blog_356
  • blogs_blog_357
  • blogs_blog_359
  • blogs_blog_360
  • Kathisma Library
  • blogs_blog_362
  • blogs_blog_1436
  • blogs_blog_363
  • blogs_blog_364
  • blogs_blog_365
  • blogs_blog_366
  • blogs_blog_367
  • blogs_blog_368
  • blogs_blog_369
  • blogs_blog_370
  • blogs_blog_371
  • blogs_blog_372
  • blogs_blog_373
  • blogs_blog_374
  • blogs_blog_375
  • blogs_blog_376
  • blogs_blog_377
  • blogs_blog_378
  • blogs_blog_379
  • blogs_blog_380
  • blogs_blog_381
  • blogs_blog_382
  • blogs_blog_384
  • blogs_blog_385
  • blogs_blog_386
  • blogs_blog_387
  • blogs_blog_388
  • blogs_blog_390
  • blogs_blog_391
  • blogs_blog_651
  • blogs_blog_392
  • blogs_blog_393
  • blogs_blog_394
  • blogs_blog_395
  • blogs_blog_396
  • blogs_blog_397
  • blogs_blog_398
  • blogs_blog_399
  • blogs_blog_400
  • blogs_blog_401
  • blogs_blog_402
  • blogs_blog_403
  • blogs_blog_412
  • blogs_blog_404
  • blogs_blog_405
  • blogs_blog_406
  • blogs_blog_407
  • blogs_blog_408
  • blogs_blog_950
  • blogs_blog_409
  • blogs_blog_410
  • blogs_blog_411
  • blogs_blog_413
  • blogs_blog_414
  • blogs_blog_415
  • blogs_blog_416
  • blogs_blog_417
  • blogs_blog_418
  • blogs_blog_419
  • blogs_blog_420
  • blogs_blog_421
  • blogs_blog_422
  • blogs_blog_423
  • blogs_blog_424
  • blogs_blog_425
  • blogs_blog_426
  • blogs_blog_427
  • blogs_blog_428
  • blogs_blog_429
  • blogs_blog_662
  • blogs_blog_430
  • blogs_blog_431
  • blogs_blog_432
  • blogs_blog_433
  • blogs_blog_434
  • blogs_blog_472
  • blogs_blog_435
  • blogs_blog_436
  • blogs_blog_437
  • blogs_blog_438
  • blogs_blog_439
  • blogs_blog_440
  • blogs_blog_441
  • blogs_blog_442
  • blogs_blog_443
  • blogs_blog_565
  • blogs_blog_556
  • Moon in the Water
  • blogs_blog_629
  • blogs_blog_444
  • blogs_blog_445
  • blogs_blog_446
  • blogs_blog_447
  • V1P2's Blog
  • blogs_blog_449
  • blogs_blog_450
  • blogs_blog_451
  • blogs_blog_452
  • blogs_blog_453
  • blogs_blog_580
  • blogs_blog_454
  • blogs_blog_455
  • blogs_blog_456
  • blogs_blog_457
  • blogs_blog_458
  • blogs_blog_459
  • blogs_blog_460
  • blogs_blog_461
  • blogs_blog_462
  • blogs_blog_463
  • blogs_blog_464
  • blogs_blog_465
  • blogs_blog_466
  • blogs_blog_467
  • blogs_blog_468
  • blogs_blog_469
  • blogs_blog_470
  • blogs_blog_471
  • blogs_blog_473
  • blogs_blog_474
  • blogs_blog_475
  • blogs_blog_476
  • blogs_blog_477
  • blogs_blog_478
  • blogs_blog_479
  • blogs_blog_480
  • blogs_blog_1105
  • blogs_blog_1013
  • blogs_blog_481
  • blogs_blog_482
  • blogs_blog_483
  • blogs_blog_484
  • blogs_blog_486
  • blogs_blog_485
  • blogs_blog_487
  • blogs_blog_488
  • blogs_blog_489
  • blogs_blog_490
  • blogs_blog_491
  • blogs_blog_1032
  • blogs_blog_492
  • blogs_blog_493
  • blogs_blog_494
  • blogs_blog_495
  • blogs_blog_496
  • blogs_blog_498
  • blogs_blog_501
  • blogs_blog_500
  • I'm Me
  • blogs_blog_1888
  • blogs_blog_505
  • blogs_blog_506
  • blogs_blog_507
  • blogs_blog_508
  • blogs_blog_509
  • blogs_blog_510
  • blogs_blog_514
  • blogs_blog_511
  • blogs_blog_512
  • blogs_blog_513
  • blogs_blog_516
  • blogs_blog_517
  • blogs_blog_558
  • blogs_blog_520
  • blogs_blog_522
  • blogs_blog_521
  • blogs_blog_523
  • blogs_blog_524
  • blogs_blog_525
  • blogs_blog_526
  • garbage water alien chill sesh
  • blogs_blog_528
  • Blogarithm
  • blogs_blog_531
  • blogs_blog_532
  • blogs_blog_606
  • The Blog Below
  • blogs_blog_535
  • blogs_blog_536
  • blogs_blog_537
  • blogs_blog_538
  • blogs_blog_539
  • blogs_blog_540
  • blogs_blog_541
  • blogs_blog_559
  • blogs_blog_542
  • blogs_blog_543
  • blogs_blog_544
  • blogs_blog_546
  • blogs_blog_547
  • blogs_blog_548
  • blogs_blog_552
  • blogs_blog_549
  • blogs_blog_551
  • blogs_blog_550
  • blogs_blog_554
  • blogs_blog_555
  • blogs_blog_560
  • blogs_blog_561
  • blogs_blog_563
  • blogs_blog_564
  • blogs_blog_566
  • blogs_blog_567
  • blogs_blog_569
  • blogs_blog_570
  • blogs_blog_571
  • blogs_blog_572
  • blogs_blog_573
  • blogs_blog_574
  • blogs_blog_575
  • blogs_blog_577
  • SeiclonatorZ (the blog about nothing)
  • blogs_blog_581
  • blogs_blog_1036
  • blogs_blog_1023
  • blogs_blog_582
  • blogs_blog_583
  • blogs_blog_590
  • blogs_blog_584
  • blogs_blog_585
  • blogs_blog_586
  • blogs_blog_587
  • blogs_blog_588
  • the transgender adventure
  • blogs_blog_592
  • blogs_blog_593
  • blogs_blog_596
  • blogs_blog_862
  • blogs_blog_594
  • blogs_blog_595
  • blogs_blog_598
  • blogs_blog_603
  • blogs_blog_599
  • blogs_blog_600
  • blogs_blog_601
  • blogs_blog_602
  • blogs_blog_875
  • blogs_blog_604
  • blogs_blog_605
  • blogs_blog_607
  • blogs_blog_608
  • blogs_blog_609
  • blogs_blog_610
  • blogs_blog_614
  • blogs_blog_615
  • blogs_blog_616
  • blogs_blog_630
  • blogs_blog_618
  • blogs_blog_619
  • blogs_blog_622
  • blogs_blog_623
  • blogs_blog_624
  • blogs_blog_1435
  • blogs_blog_1058
  • blogs_blog_625
  • blogs_blog_627
  • blogs_blog_1793
  • blogs_blog_631
  • blogs_blog_632
  • blogs_blog_635
  • blogs_blog_636
  • blogs_blog_638
  • The Observatory
  • blogs_blog_1391
  • blogs_blog_640
  • blogs_blog_641
  • The Phylog 3.0
  • blogs_blog_643
  • blogs_blog_644
  • blogs_blog_645
  • blogs_blog_646
  • blogs_blog_647
  • blogs_blog_648
  • blogs_blog_649
  • blogs_blog_650
  • blogs_blog_652
  • blogs_blog_653
  • blogs_blog_654
  • blogs_blog_655
  • blogs_blog_1207
  • blogs_blog_656
  • blogs_blog_657
  • blogs_blog_658
  • blogs_blog_659
  • blogs_blog_660
  • blogs_blog_661
  • blogs_blog_663
  • blogs_blog_664
  • blogs_blog_665
  • blogs_blog_666
  • blogs_blog_667
  • blogs_blog_668
  • blogs_blog_669
  • blogs_blog_670
  • blogs_blog_671
  • blogs_blog_672
  • blogs_blog_673
  • blogs_blog_674
  • blogs_blog_675
  • blogs_blog_676
  • blogs_blog_677
  • blogs_blog_678
  • blogs_blog_679
  • blogs_blog_680
  • blogs_blog_681
  • blogs_blog_682
  • blogs_blog_683
  • blogs_blog_684
  • blogs_blog_685
  • blogs_blog_700
  • blogs_blog_686
  • blogs_blog_687
  • blogs_blog_688
  • blogs_blog_689
  • blogs_blog_690
  • blogs_blog_691
  • blogs_blog_692
  • blogs_blog_693
  • blogs_blog_694
  • blogs_blog_695
  • blogs_blog_696
  • blogs_blog_697
  • blogs_blog_698
  • blogs_blog_699
  • blogs_blog_701
  • blogs_blog_702
  • blogs_blog_703
  • blogs_blog_704
  • blogs_blog_705
  • blogs_blog_706
  • blogs_blog_707
  • blogs_blog_708
  • blogs_blog_709
  • blogs_blog_710
  • blogs_blog_711
  • blogs_blog_712
  • blogs_blog_713
  • blogs_blog_714
  • blogs_blog_715
  • blogs_blog_716
  • blogs_blog_717
  • blogs_blog_718
  • blogs_blog_719
  • blogs_blog_720
  • blogs_blog_721
  • blogs_blog_734
  • blogs_blog_722
  • blogs_blog_723
  • blogs_blog_724
  • blogs_blog_725
  • blogs_blog_726
  • blogs_blog_727
  • blogs_blog_728
  • blogs_blog_729
  • blogs_blog_730
  • blogs_blog_731
  • in a hole in the ground, there lived a blog
  • blogs_blog_733
  • blogs_blog_735
  • blogs_blog_736
  • blogs_blog_737
  • blogs_blog_738
  • blogs_blog_739
  • blogs_blog_740
  • blogs_blog_741
  • blogs_blog_742
  • blogs_blog_743
  • blogs_blog_744
  • blogs_blog_745
  • blogs_blog_746
  • blogs_blog_747
  • blogs_blog_748
  • blogs_blog_749
  • blogs_blog_1182
  • blogs_blog_750
  • blogs_blog_751
  • blogs_blog_752
  • blogs_blog_753
  • blogs_blog_754
  • blogs_blog_755
  • blogs_blog_756
  • blogs_blog_757
  • blogs_blog_758
  • blogs_blog_759
  • blogs_blog_760
  • blogs_blog_761
  • blogs_blog_762
  • blogs_blog_763
  • blogs_blog_764
  • blogs_blog_1532
  • blogs_blog_765
  • blogs_blog_766
  • blogs_blog_767
  • blogs_blog_768
  • blogs_blog_841
  • blogs_blog_769
  • blogs_blog_770
  • blogs_blog_771
  • blogs_blog_772
  • blogs_blog_773
  • blogs_blog_774
  • blogs_blog_775
  • blogs_blog_921
  • blogs_blog_776
  • blogs_blog_777
  • blogs_blog_778
  • blogs_blog_779
  • blogs_blog_780
  • blogs_blog_781
  • blogs_blog_782
  • blogs_blog_1592
  • blogs_blog_1284
  • blogs_blog_783
  • blogs_blog_784
  • blogs_blog_785
  • blogs_blog_786
  • blogs_blog_787
  • blogs_blog_1485
  • blogs_blog_788
  • blogs_blog_789
  • blogs_blog_790
  • blogs_blog_791
  • blogs_blog_792
  • blogs_blog_793
  • blogs_blog_794
  • blogs_blog_795
  • blogs_blog_796
  • blogs_blog_797
  • blogs_blog_798
  • blogs_blog_799
  • blogs_blog_800
  • blogs_blog_1682
  • blogs_blog_801
  • blogs_blog_802
  • blogs_blog_803
  • blogs_blog_804
  • blogs_blog_805
  • blogs_blog_806
  • blogs_blog_807
  • blogs_blog_808
  • blogs_blog_809
  • blogs_blog_810
  • blogs_blog_811
  • blogs_blog_812
  • blogs_blog_813
  • blogs_blog_814
  • blogs_blog_815
  • blogs_blog_816
  • blogs_blog_817
  • blogs_blog_851
  • blogs_blog_818
  • blogs_blog_819
  • blogs_blog_820
  • blogs_blog_821
  • blogs_blog_822
  • blogs_blog_823
  • blogs_blog_824
  • blogs_blog_825
  • blogs_blog_826
  • blogs_blog_827
  • blogs_blog_828
  • blogs_blog_829
  • blogs_blog_830
  • blogs_blog_831
  • blogs_blog_832
  • blogs_blog_833
  • blogs_blog_834
  • blogs_blog_835
  • blogs_blog_836
  • blogs_blog_837
  • blogs_blog_838
  • blogs_blog_839
  • blogs_blog_840
  • blogs_blog_842
  • blogs_blog_843
  • blogs_blog_844
  • blogs_blog_845
  • blogs_blog_1559
  • blogs_blog_846
  • blogs_blog_847
  • blogs_blog_848
  • blogs_blog_849
  • blogs_blog_850
  • blogs_blog_852
  • blogs_blog_863
  • blogs_blog_854
  • blogs_blog_855
  • blogs_blog_856
  • blogs_blog_857
  • blogs_blog_1713
  • blogs_blog_858
  • blogs_blog_859
  • blogs_blog_860
  • blogs_blog_861
  • blogs_blog_864
  • blogs_blog_865
  • blogs_blog_866
  • blogs_blog_867
  • blogs_blog_868
  • blogs_blog_869
  • blogs_blog_870
  • blogs_blog_886
  • blogs_blog_871
  • blogs_blog_1408
  • blogs_blog_874
  • blogs_blog_872
  • blogs_blog_873
  • blogs_blog_877
  • blogs_blog_879
  • blogs_blog_880
  • blogs_blog_881
  • blogs_blog_882
  • blogs_blog_883
  • blogs_blog_884
  • blogs_blog_885
  • blogs_blog_887
  • blogs_blog_888
  • blogs_blog_889
  • blogs_blog_890
  • blogs_blog_891
  • blogs_blog_892
  • blogs_blog_893
  • blogs_blog_894
  • blogs_blog_895
  • blogs_blog_896
  • blogs_blog_897
  • blogs_blog_898
  • blogs_blog_899
  • blogs_blog_900
  • blogs_blog_901
  • blogs_blog_902
  • blogs_blog_903
  • blogs_blog_904
  • blogs_blog_905
  • blogs_blog_906
  • blogs_blog_907
  • blogs_blog_908
  • blogs_blog_909
  • blogs_blog_910
  • blogs_blog_911
  • blogs_blog_912
  • blogs_blog_913
  • blogs_blog_914
  • blogs_blog_915
  • blogs_blog_916
  • blogs_blog_917
  • blogs_blog_918
  • blogs_blog_919
  • blogs_blog_920
  • blogs_blog_922
  • blogs_blog_923
  • blogs_blog_924
  • blogs_blog_925
  • blogs_blog_926
  • blogs_blog_927
  • blogs_blog_928
  • blogs_blog_929
  • blogs_blog_930
  • blogs_blog_931
  • blogs_blog_932
  • blogs_blog_933
  • blogs_blog_934
  • blogs_blog_935
  • blogs_blog_936
  • blogs_blog_937
  • blogs_blog_938
  • blogs_blog_939
  • blogs_blog_940
  • blogs_blog_941
  • blogs_blog_942
  • blogs_blog_943
  • blogs_blog_944
  • blogs_blog_945
  • blogs_blog_946
  • blogs_blog_947
  • blogs_blog_948
  • blogs_blog_949
  • blogs_blog_966
  • blogs_blog_951
  • blogs_blog_952
  • blogs_blog_953
  • blogs_blog_954
  • blogs_blog_955
  • blogs_blog_956
  • blogs_blog_957
  • blogs_blog_958
  • blogs_blog_959
  • blogs_blog_960
  • blogs_blog_961
  • blogs_blog_962
  • blogs_blog_963
  • blogs_blog_964
  • blogs_blog_965
  • blogs_blog_967
  • blogs_blog_968
  • blogs_blog_969
  • blogs_blog_970
  • blogs_blog_971
  • blogs_blog_972
  • blogs_blog_973
  • blogs_blog_974
  • blogs_blog_975
  • blogs_blog_976
  • blogs_blog_977
  • blogs_blog_978
  • blogs_blog_979
  • blogs_blog_980
  • blogs_blog_981
  • blogs_blog_982
  • blogs_blog_983
  • blogs_blog_984
  • blogs_blog_985
  • blogs_blog_987
  • blogs_blog_988
  • blogs_blog_989
  • blogs_blog_990
  • blogs_blog_991
  • blogs_blog_992
  • blogs_blog_993
  • blogs_blog_994
  • blogs_blog_995
  • blogs_blog_996
  • Dr. Gerlicky's Miracle Diet
  • blogs_blog_998
  • blogs_blog_999
  • blogs_blog_1000
  • blogs_blog_1001
  • blogs_blog_1002
  • blogs_blog_1003
  • blogs_blog_1004
  • blogs_blog_1005
  • blogs_blog_1560
  • blogs_blog_1006
  • blogs_blog_1007
  • blogs_blog_1008
  • blogs_blog_1009
  • blogs_blog_1010
  • blogs_blog_1011
  • blogs_blog_1012
  • blogs_blog_1016
  • blogs_blog_1014
  • blogs_blog_1015
  • blogs_blog_1022
  • blogs_blog_1017
  • blogs_blog_1390
  • blogs_blog_1020
  • blogs_blog_1018
  • blogs_blog_1021
  • blogs_blog_1024
  • blogs_blog_1025
  • blogs_blog_1026
  • blogs_blog_1027
  • blogs_blog_1028
  • blogs_blog_1029
  • blogs_blog_1030
  • blogs_blog_1031
  • blogs_blog_1033
  • blogs_blog_1034
  • blogs_blog_1035
  • blogs_blog_1039
  • blogs_blog_1037
  • blogs_blog_1038
  • blogs_blog_1040
  • blogs_blog_1041
  • blogs_blog_1042
  • blogs_blog_1043
  • blogs_blog_1044
  • blogs_blog_1045
  • blogs_blog_1418
  • blogs_blog_1046
  • You're attacked by a Repair Nektann
  • blogs_blog_1048
  • blogs_blog_1845
  • blogs_blog_1846
  • blogs_blog_1050
  • blogs_blog_1051
  • blogs_blog_1052
  • blogs_blog_1053
  • blogs_blog_1054
  • blogs_blog_1055
  • blogs_blog_1056
  • blogs_blog_1057
  • blogs_blog_1059
  • blogs_blog_1060
  • blogs_blog_1061
  • blogs_blog_1063
  • blogs_blog_1062
  • blogs_blog_1064
  • blogs_blog_1065
  • blogs_blog_1066
  • The Fikou Web
  • blogs_blog_1068
  • blogs_blog_1069
  • blogs_blog_1099
  • blogs_blog_1070
  • blogs_blog_1071
  • blogs_blog_1072
  • blogs_blog_1075
  • blogs_blog_1073
  • blogs_blog_1074
  • blogs_blog_1079
  • blogs_blog_1089
  • blogs_blog_1078
  • blogs_blog_1076
  • blogs_blog_1077
  • blogs_blog_1080
  • blogs_blog_1081
  • blogs_blog_1084
  • blogs_blog_1082
  • blogs_blog_1083
  • blogs_blog_1085
  • blogs_blog_1086
  • blogs_blog_1087
  • blogs_blog_1088
  • blogs_blog_1090
  • blogs_blog_1091
  • blogs_blog_1686
  • blogs_blog_1681
  • blogs_blog_1092
  • blogs_blog_1356
  • blogs_blog_1093
  • blogs_blog_1094
  • blogs_blog_1362
  • Icecrown Citadel
  • blogs_blog_1096
  • Obligatory Volcano Lair
  • blogs_blog_1098
  • blogs_blog_1100
  • blogs_blog_1298
  • blogs_blog_1101
  • blogs_blog_1102
  • blogs_blog_1103
  • blogs_blog_1104
  • blogs_blog_1106
  • blogs_blog_1107
  • blogs_blog_1108
  • blogs_blog_1109
  • blogs_blog_1110
  • blogs_blog_1111
  • blogs_blog_1112
  • blogs_blog_1113
  • blogs_blog_1114
  • blogs_blog_1115
  • blogs_blog_1116
  • blogs_blog_1117
  • blogs_blog_1118
  • blogs_blog_1119
  • blogs_blog_1120
  • blogs_blog_1121
  • blogs_blog_1122
  • blogs_blog_1123
  • blogs_blog_1124
  • blogs_blog_1125
  • blogs_blog_1126
  • blogs_blog_1127
  • blogs_blog_1128
  • blogs_blog_1129
  • blogs_blog_1130
  • blogs_blog_1132
  • blogs_blog_1131
  • blogs_blog_1133
  • blogs_blog_1134
  • blogs_blog_1135
  • blogs_blog_1136
  • blogs_blog_1137
  • blogs_blog_1138
  • blogs_blog_1139
  • blogs_blog_1140
  • blogs_blog_1388
  • blogs_blog_1695
  • blogs_blog_1141
  • blogs_blog_1142
  • blogs_blog_1143
  • blogs_blog_1144
  • blogs_blog_1145
  • blogs_blog_1146
  • Zahaki's Lair
  • blogs_blog_1148
  • blogs_blog_1149
  • blogs_blog_1150
  • blogs_blog_1151
  • blogs_blog_1152
  • blogs_blog_1212
  • blogs_blog_1153
  • blogs_blog_1154
  • blogs_blog_1155
  • blogs_blog_1156
  • blogs_blog_1642
  • blogs_blog_1285
  • blogs_blog_1157
  • blogs_blog_1158
  • blogs_blog_1194
  • blogs_blog_1159
  • blogs_blog_1160
  • blogs_blog_1161
  • blogs_blog_1162
  • blogs_blog_1163
  • blogs_blog_1164
  • oh god blog titles
  • blogs_blog_1165
  • blogs_blog_1166
  • blogs_blog_1167
  • blogs_blog_1168
  • blogs_blog_1169
  • blogs_blog_1170
  • blogs_blog_1171
  • blogs_blog_1172
  • blogs_blog_1174
  • blogs_blog_1175
  • blogs_blog_1176
  • blogs_blog_1177
  • blogs_blog_1178
  • blogs_blog_1179
  • blogs_blog_1180
  • Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum
  • blogs_blog_1183
  • blogs_blog_1184
  • blogs_blog_1185
  • blogs_blog_1186
  • blogs_blog_1187
  • blogs_blog_1188
  • blogs_blog_1189
  • blogs_blog_1190
  • blogs_blog_1191
  • blogs_blog_1192
  • blogs_blog_1193
  • blogs_blog_1195
  • blogs_blog_1196
  • blogs_blog_1197
  • blogs_blog_1198
  • blogs_blog_1199
  • blogs_blog_1200
  • blogs_blog_1201
  • blogs_blog_1202
  • blogs_blog_1203
  • blogs_blog_1317
  • blogs_blog_1204
  • blogs_blog_1205
  • blogs_blog_1206
  • blogs_blog_1208
  • blogs_blog_1209
  • blogs_blog_1210
  • blogs_blog_1211
  • blogs_blog_1213
  • blogs_blog_1214
  • blogs_blog_1215
  • blogs_blog_1216
  • blogs_blog_1217
  • blogs_blog_1218
  • blogs_blog_1219
  • blogs_blog_1220
  • blogs_blog_1221
  • blogs_blog_1222
  • blogs_blog_1223
  • blogs_blog_1224
  • blogs_blog_1225
  • blogs_blog_1226
  • blogs_blog_1227
  • blogs_blog_1228
  • blogs_blog_1229
  • blogs_blog_1230
  • blogs_blog_1231
  • blogs_blog_1232
  • blogs_blog_1345
  • blogs_blog_1307
  • blogs_blog_1233
  • blogs_blog_1234
  • blogs_blog_1238
  • blogs_blog_1235
  • blogs_blog_1236
  • blogs_blog_1237
  • blogs_blog_1474
  • blogs_blog_1239
  • blogs_blog_1240
  • blogs_blog_1305
  • blogs_blog_1241
  • blogs_blog_1242
  • blogs_blog_1364
  • blogs_blog_1243
  • blogs_blog_1244
  • blogs_blog_1245
  • blogs_blog_1246
  • blogs_blog_1247
  • blogs_blog_1250
  • blogs_blog_1248
  • blogs_blog_1249
  • blogs_blog_1254
  • blogs_blog_1251
  • blogs_blog_1252
  • blogs_blog_1253
  • blogs_blog_1255
  • blogs_blog_1256
  • blogs_blog_1257
  • blogs_blog_1258
  • blogs_blog_1259
  • blogs_blog_1613
  • blogs_blog_1260
  • blogs_blog_1300
  • blogs_blog_1261
  • blogs_blog_1262
  • blogs_blog_1263
  • blogs_blog_1264
  • blogs_blog_1265
  • blogs_blog_1266
  • blogs_blog_1267
  • blogs_blog_1268
  • blogs_blog_1269
  • blogs_blog_1270
  • blogs_blog_1271
  • blogs_blog_1272
  • blogs_blog_1273
  • blogs_blog_1274
  • blogs_blog_1275
  • blogs_blog_1276
  • blogs_blog_1351
  • blogs_blog_1277
  • blogs_blog_1278
  • blogs_blog_1279
  • blogs_blog_1280
  • blogs_blog_1281
  • blogs_blog_1282
  • blogs_blog_1283
  • blogs_blog_1308
  • blogs_blog_1286
  • ArtBLOGed
  • blogs_blog_1288
  • blogs_blog_1289
  • blogs_blog_1290
  • blogs_blog_1291
  • blogs_blog_1297
  • blogs_blog_1292
  • blogs_blog_1293
  • blogs_blog_1294
  • blogs_blog_1368
  • blogs_blog_1295
  • blogs_blog_1628
  • blogs_blog_1296
  • blogs_blog_1299
  • blogs_blog_1301
  • blogs_blog_1302
  • blogs_blog_1303
  • blogs_blog_1304
  • blogs_blog_1306
  • blogs_blog_1309
  • blogs_blog_1310
  • blogs_blog_1311
  • blogs_blog_1312
  • blogs_blog_1422
  • blogs_blog_1313
  • blogs_blog_1314
  • blogs_blog_1315
  • blogs_blog_1316
  • blogs_blog_1318
  • blogs_blog_1319
  • blogs_blog_1320
  • blogs_blog_1321
  • blogs_blog_1322
  • blogs_blog_1323
  • blogs_blog_1324
  • blogs_blog_1325
  • blogs_blog_1326
  • blogs_blog_1327
  • blogs_blog_1328
  • blogs_blog_1329
  • blogs_blog_1330
  • blogs_blog_1331
  • blogs_blog_1384
  • blogs_blog_1332
  • blogs_blog_1333
  • blogs_blog_1334
  • blogs_blog_1335
  • blogs_blog_1336
  • blogs_blog_1337
  • blogs_blog_1353
  • blogs_blog_1338
  • blogs_blog_1339
  • blogs_blog_1340
  • blogs_blog_1341
  • blogs_blog_1355
  • blogs_blog_1342
  • blogs_blog_1343
  • blogs_blog_1344
  • blogs_blog_1348
  • blogs_blog_1346
  • blogs_blog_1347
  • blogs_blog_1349
  • blogs_blog_1350
  • blogs_blog_1352
  • blogs_blog_1354
  • blogs_blog_1358
  • blogs_blog_1357
  • blogs_blog_1359
  • blogs_blog_1360
  • blogs_blog_1361
  • blogs_blog_1363
  • blogs_blog_1365
  • blogs_blog_1367
  • blogs_blog_1366
  • blogs_blog_1369
  • blogs_blog_1370
  • blogs_blog_1371
  • blogs_blog_1374
  • blogs_blog_1372
  • blogs_blog_1373
  • blogs_blog_1375
  • blogs_blog_1376
  • blogs_blog_1377
  • blogs_blog_1378
  • blogs_blog_1379
  • blogs_blog_1380
  • blogs_blog_1381
  • blogs_blog_1386
  • blogs_blog_1382
  • blogs_blog_1383
  • blogs_blog_1385
  • blogs_blog_1387
  • blogs_blog_1389
  • blogs_blog_1392
  • blogs_blog_1393
  • blogs_blog_1394
  • blogs_blog_1395
  • blogs_blog_1396
  • blogs_blog_1398
  • blogs_blog_1399
  • blogs_blog_1400
  • blogs_blog_1404
  • blogs_blog_1401
  • blogs_blog_1402
  • blogs_blog_1403
  • blogs_blog_1405
  • blogs_blog_1406
  • blogs_blog_1413
  • blogs_blog_1409
  • blogs_blog_1410
  • blogs_blog_1411
  • blogs_blog_1412
  • blogs_blog_1414
  • blogs_blog_1415
  • blogs_blog_1416
  • blogs_blog_1417
  • blogs_blog_1419
  • blogs_blog_1420
  • The Lair 1421
  • blogs_blog_1423
  • blogs_blog_1424
  • blogs_blog_1425
  • blogs_blog_1428
  • blogs_blog_1426
  • blogs_blog_1427
  • blogs_blog_1429
  • blogs_blog_1430
  • blogs_blog_1442
  • Mishaps and Bubblewrap
  • blogs_blog_1432
  • blogs_blog_1433
  • blogs_blog_1434
  • blogs_blog_1437
  • blogs_blog_1438
  • blogs_blog_1510
  • blogs_blog_1439
  • blogs_blog_1440
  • blogs_blog_1905
  • blogs_blog_1718
  • blogs_blog_1441
  • blogs_blog_1443
  • blogs_blog_1446
  • blogs_blog_1447
  • blogs_blog_1448
  • blogs_blog_1449
  • blogs_blog_1450
  • blogs_blog_1451
  • blogs_blog_1452
  • blogs_blog_1453
  • blogs_blog_1454
  • blogs_blog_1455
  • blogs_blog_1456
  • blogs_blog_1457
  • blogs_blog_1458
  • blogs_blog_1459
  • blogs_blog_1460
  • blogs_blog_1461
  • blogs_blog_1462
  • blogs_blog_1463
  • blogs_blog_1612
  • blogs_blog_1465
  • blogs_blog_1466
  • blogs_blog_1467
  • blogs_blog_1468
  • blogs_blog_1619
  • blogs_blog_1469
  • blogs_blog_1470
  • blogs_blog_1471
  • blogs_blog_1472
  • blogs_blog_1473
  • blogs_blog_1475
  • blogs_blog_1476
  • blogs_blog_1477
  • blogs_blog_1478
  • blogs_blog_1479
  • blogs_blog_1480
  • blogs_blog_1481
  • blogs_blog_1482
  • blogs_blog_1483
  • blogs_blog_1484
  • blogs_blog_1486
  • blogs_blog_1487
  • blogs_blog_1488
  • blogs_blog_1489
  • blogs_blog_1490
  • blogs_blog_1491
  • blogs_blog_1492
  • blogs_blog_1493
  • blogs_blog_1496
  • blogs_blog_1494
  • The Blog which may or may not exist.
  • blogs_blog_1670
  • blogs_blog_1497
  • blogs_blog_1903
  • blogs_blog_1498
  • blogs_blog_1499
  • blogs_blog_1500
  • blogs_blog_1502
  • blogs_blog_1503
  • blogs_blog_1504
  • blogs_blog_1505
  • blogs_blog_1506
  • blogs_blog_1507
  • blogs_blog_1508
  • blogs_blog_1509
  • blogs_blog_1511
  • blogs_blog_1512
  • blogs_blog_1513
  • blogs_blog_1514
  • blogs_blog_1515
  • blogs_blog_1516
  • blogs_blog_1517
  • blogs_blog_1518
  • blogs_blog_1519
  • blogs_blog_1815
  • blogs_blog_1520
  • blogs_blog_1521
  • blogs_blog_1522
  • blogs_blog_1523
  • blogs_blog_1524
  • blogs_blog_1525
  • blogs_blog_1526
  • blogs_blog_1527
  • blogs_blog_1528
  • blogs_blog_1529
  • blogs_blog_1530
  • blogs_blog_1531
  • blogs_blog_1533
  • blogs_blog_1534
  • blogs_blog_1535
  • blogs_blog_1536
  • blogs_blog_1537
  • blogs_blog_1538
  • blogs_blog_1539
  • blogs_blog_1540
  • blogs_blog_1546
  • blogs_blog_1541
  • blogs_blog_1542
  • blogs_blog_1543
  • blogs_blog_1544
  • blogs_blog_1553
  • blogs_blog_1545
  • blogs_blog_1547
  • blogs_blog_1548
  • blogs_blog_1549
  • blogs_blog_1550
  • blogs_blog_1551
  • blogs_blog_1552
  • blogs_blog_1554
  • blogs_blog_1555
  • blogs_blog_1556
  • blogs_blog_1557
  • blogs_blog_1558
  • blogs_blog_1570
  • blogs_blog_1563
  • blogs_blog_1561
  • blogs_blog_1562
  • blogs_blog_1564
  • blogs_blog_1565
  • blogs_blog_1566
  • blogs_blog_1567
  • blogs_blog_1568
  • blogs_blog_1569
  • blogs_blog_1571
  • blogs_blog_1572
  • blogs_blog_1573
  • blogs_blog_1581
  • blogs_blog_1574
  • blogs_blog_1575
  • blogs_blog_1576
  • blogs_blog_1582
  • blogs_blog_1577
  • blogs_blog_1578
  • blogs_blog_1583
  • blogs_blog_1580
  • blogs_blog_1579
  • blogs_blog_1586
  • blogs_blog_1584
  • blogs_blog_1587
  • blogs_blog_1588
  • blogs_blog_1589
  • blogs_blog_1591
  • JMSOG's Strange Blog
  • blogs_blog_1596
  • blogs_blog_1594
  • blogs_blog_1595
  • blogs_blog_1864
  • blogs_blog_1597
  • blogs_blog_1598
  • blogs_blog_1599
  • blogs_blog_1600
  • blogs_blog_1601
  • blogs_blog_1603
  • blogs_blog_1602
  • A Blog in Oblivion
  • blogs_blog_1606
  • blogs_blog_1607
  • blogs_blog_1634
  • blogs_blog_1608
  • blogs_blog_1708
  • blogs_blog_1609
  • blogs_blog_1610
  • blogs_blog_1611
  • blogs_blog_1614
  • blogs_blog_1881
  • blogs_blog_1615
  • blogs_blog_1662
  • blogs_blog_1616
  • blogs_blog_1617
  • blogs_blog_1618
  • blogs_blog_1620
  • blogs_blog_1621
  • blogs_blog_1622
  • blogs_blog_1623
  • blogs_blog_1624
  • blogs_blog_1625
  • blogs_blog_1626
  • blogs_blog_1627
  • blogs_blog_1630
  • blogs_blog_1631
  • blogs_blog_1632
  • blogs_blog_1633
  • blogs_blog_1635
  • blogs_blog_1636
  • blogs_blog_1637
  • blogs_blog_1638
  • blogs_blog_1639
  • blogs_blog_1640
  • blogs_blog_1641
  • Garreg Mach
  • blogs_blog_1904
  • blogs_blog_1643
  • blogs_blog_1645
  • blogs_blog_1646
  • blogs_blog_1651
  • blogs_blog_1647
  • blogs_blog_1648
  • blogs_blog_1649
  • Unspoken Words
  • blogs_blog_1907
  • blogs_blog_1871
  • blogs_blog_1652
  • blogs_blog_1653
  • blogs_blog_1654
  • blogs_blog_1655
  • blogs_blog_1656
  • blogs_blog_1657
  • blogs_blog_1658
  • blogs_blog_1659
  • blogs_blog_1660
  • blogs_blog_1667
  • blogs_blog_1661
  • blogs_blog_1663
  • blogs_blog_1664
  • blogs_blog_1665
  • blogs_blog_1668
  • blogs_blog_1666
  • blogs_blog_1669
  • blogs_blog_1671
  • blogs_blog_1672
  • blogs_blog_1673
  • blogs_blog_1674
  • blogs_blog_1675
  • blogs_blog_1676
  • blogs_blog_1677
  • blogs_blog_1678
  • blogs_blog_1679
  • blogs_blog_1680
  • blogs_blog_1683
  • blogs_blog_1684
  • blogs_blog_1685
  • blogs_blog_1687
  • blogs_blog_1688
  • blogs_blog_1689
  • blogs_blog_1690
  • blogs_blog_1691
  • blogs_blog_1692
  • Onaku's Blog Thingie
  • blogs_blog_1694
  • blogs_blog_1696
  • blogs_blog_1706
  • Between the Bookends
  • blogs_blog_1698
  • blogs_blog_1699
  • blogs_blog_1700
  • blogs_blog_1701
  • blogs_blog_1702
  • blogs_blog_1866
  • blogs_blog_1703
  • blogs_blog_1704
  • blogs_blog_1705
  • blogs_blog_1707
  • blogs_blog_1709
  • blogs_blog_1710
  • blogs_blog_1711
  • blogs_blog_1712
  • blogs_blog_1714
  • blogs_blog_1715
  • blogs_blog_1716
  • blogs_blog_1717
  • blogs_blog_1720
  • blogs_blog_1719
  • blogs_blog_1721
  • blogs_blog_1722
  • blogs_blog_1725
  • blogs_blog_1726
  • blogs_blog_1727
  • blogs_blog_1728
  • blogs_blog_1729
  • blogs_blog_1730
  • blogs_blog_1731
  • blogs_blog_1732
  • blogs_blog_1733
  • blogs_blog_1734
  • blogs_blog_1735
  • blogs_blog_1736
  • blogs_blog_1737
  • blogs_blog_1738
  • blogs_blog_1739
  • blogs_blog_1740
  • blogs_blog_1768
  • blogs_blog_1741
  • blogs_blog_1742
  • blogs_blog_1743
  • blogs_blog_1744
  • blogs_blog_1749
  • blogs_blog_1745
  • blogs_blog_1746
  • blogs_blog_1747
  • blogs_blog_1748
  • blogs_blog_1750
  • blogs_blog_1751
  • blogs_blog_1752
  • blogs_blog_1753
  • blogs_blog_1798
  • blogs_blog_1755
  • blogs_blog_1756
  • blogs_blog_1757
  • blogs_blog_1765
  • blogs_blog_1758
  • blogs_blog_1759
  • blogs_blog_1760
  • blogs_blog_1761
  • blogs_blog_1762
  • blogs_blog_1763
  • blogs_blog_1764
  • blogs_blog_1767
  • blogs_blog_1766
  • blogs_blog_1772
  • blogs_blog_1769
  • blogs_blog_1770
  • blogs_blog_1771
  • blogs_blog_1773
  • blogs_blog_1774
  • blogs_blog_1775
  • blogs_blog_1776
  • blogs_blog_1777
  • Generic Blog Name
  • blogs_blog_1779
  • blogs_blog_1780
  • blogs_blog_1781
  • blogs_blog_1782
  • blogs_blog_1783
  • blogs_blog_1784
  • blogs_blog_1785
  • blogs_blog_1786
  • blogs_blog_1787
  • blogs_blog_1788
  • blogs_blog_1789
  • blogs_blog_1790
  • blogs_blog_1791
  • blogs_blog_1792
  • blogs_blog_1795
  • blogs_blog_1796
  • blogs_blog_1797
  • blogs_blog_1799
  • blogs_blog_1800
  • blogs_blog_1801
  • blogs_blog_1802
  • Blog Name Here
  • blogs_blog_1804
  • blogs_blog_1805
  • blogs_blog_1806
  • blogs_blog_1807
  • blogs_blog_1808
  • blogs_blog_1809
  • blogs_blog_1810
  • blogs_blog_1811
  • blogs_blog_1812
  • blogs_blog_1813
  • blogs_blog_1814
  • blogs_blog_1816
  • blogs_blog_1817
  • blogs_blog_1818
  • blogs_blog_1819
  • blogs_blog_1820
  • blogs_blog_1821
  • blogs_blog_1822
  • blogs_blog_1823
  • blogs_blog_1824
  • blogs_blog_1825
  • blogs_blog_1826
  • blogs_blog_1827
  • blogs_blog_1828
  • blogs_blog_1834
  • blogs_blog_1829
  • blogs_blog_1830
  • blogs_blog_1831
  • blogs_blog_1832
  • blogs_blog_1833
  • blogs_blog_1859
  • blogs_blog_1835
  • blogs_blog_1836
  • blogs_blog_1837
  • blogs_blog_1838
  • blogs_blog_1839
  • blogs_blog_1847
  • blogs_blog_1840
  • blogs_blog_1848
  • blogs_blog_1849
  • blogs_blog_1850
  • blogs_blog_1851
  • blogs_blog_1852
  • blogs_blog_1870
  • Cold Ascension
  • blogs_blog_1854
  • blogs_blog_1855
  • blogs_blog_1856
  • blogs_blog_1857
  • blogs_blog_1858
  • blogs_blog_1860
  • Kranan's Floating Isle
  • blogs_blog_1862
  • blogs_blog_1863
  • blogs_blog_1865
  • blogs_blog_1867
  • Time to put on a show...
  • blogs_blog_1869
  • blogs_blog_1886
  • blogs_blog_1872
  • blogs_blog_1873
  • blogs_blog_1874
  • blogs_blog_1875
  • blogs_blog_1876
  • blogs_blog_1877
  • blogs_blog_1878
  • blogs_blog_1899
  • blogs_blog_1879
  • blogs_blog_1880
  • blogs_blog_1893
  • blogs_blog_1882
  • blogs_blog_1887
  • blogs_blog_1883
  • blogs_blog_1884
  • blogs_blog_1885
  • blogs_blog_1889
  • blogs_blog_1898
  • blogs_blog_1890
  • Inverted Moon
  • blogs_blog_1892
  • blogs_blog_1894
  • blogs_blog_1895
  • blogs_blog_1896
  • blogs_blog_1897
  • blogs_blog_1900
  • blogs_blog_1901
  • blogs_blog_1902
  • it's summer and we're running out of ice
  • blogs_blog_1908
  • blogs_blog_1909
  • blogs_blog_1910
  • blogs_blog_1911

Product Groups

  • Premier Membership
  • BioniLUG
  • BrickFair Events
    • BrickFair Party Campaign (In-Person)
    • BrickFair Party Campaign (Online)
  • Parts Drafts
  • Merchandise

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


Twitter


Instagram


Facebook


Discord


YouTube


Flickr


Skype


Website URL


LEGO.com Account


AIM


Location


Interests


Previous Username

Found 37 results

  1. Well, after an extremely long hiatus and a new forum, BZPower is finally back! And between the forums being down for nearly a year and my extremely sporadic updating schedule before that, it feels like I haven't written a BIONICLE comedy chapter in forever. So what better way to celebrate my (and everyone else's) return to BZP than with a remake of my first comedy, The Nuva Inn? This is going to be a REMAKE, not a verbatim cut and paste of the original. Yes, I'm going to keep the same general plots for the chapters, the same running jokes, and the same script format, since prose just wouldn't work very well with the style of humor found in TNI. If you want to read the few chapters saved from the original classic, just go here! Once I've caught up to wherever I was originally (which might take a while,) then I'll write new chapters, and most of the later chapters might just end up being cut and paste from the original. It's mostly the earlier chapters that are long overdue for a rewrite anyway, and to be honest, reading those first chapters again actually is a bit embarrassing. (UPDATE: As a result of the repeated hackings, dataclysms, and general loss of all archived material, any chapters after the end of the "Pieism" saga/Ask Matau! crossover will no longer be directly based on the original's chapters, with the exception of one or two toward the end of the original's run that I still have saved on my computer. I'll try my best to recall certain plots and jokes that I remember, and any assistance in remembering old TNI chapters is also appreciated). So, without further ado... The Nuva Inn A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Chapter 1: The Beginning...Again? Narrator: *game show voice* Welcome to...THE NUVA INN! Onua: What is this, a game show? Narrator: Oh, sorry, I worked as a game show announcer at my last job. Anyway, we join the Toa Nuva standing around in an open field. Onua: That's too cliche! Narrator: Well, too bad! Onua: ...Wait a second, this seems awfully familiar... Gali: Come to think of it, I vaguely remember doing all of this before. I have some fuzzy memories of running a hotel, a bunch of Guest Stars, a pie-obsessed Matoran, and me repeatedly fusing with a Glatorian. Tahu: Hey, how come you get to remember all of that stuff? I don't remember anything, just a vague sense of deja vu like Onua. Gali: I have psychic powers. Tahu: REALLY? Gali: Of course! How else do you explain that mental connection Takua and I had during the end of the MNOG? Onua: She has a point. Tahu: But if we already built a hotel, then why are we standing here in a field doing nothing? Gali: Let me think...what were we doing before this happened...oh, of course! We time traveled! Tahu: WHAT. Gali: No, seriously! Nuparu made a time machine and we traveled back in time to one of the first chapters. Something must have gone wrong and got us stuck back here, plus erased all of our memories. Onua: Except yours. Gali: Not anymore. I just forgot everything. Onua: Wow, how convenient. Narrator: Can we just get on with the story already? We join the Toa Nuva in an empty field earlier today. *A large number of monkeys wearing construction hats are building something* Monkey 1: Monkey noises! Monkey 2: Monkey noises! Monkey 3: Monkey noises! Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises! Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make! Onua: Narrator, this isn't early enough! Narrator: Hmmph! Fine! *In the aforementioned empty field...* Pohatu: I'm bored. Lewa: Me too. Tahu: Hey, I've got an idea! Let's run a hotel! Everyone but Tahu: Tahu: What? It would be fun! Gali: This has got to be the most cliche beginning ever. *Pohatu raises his hand* Tahu: I'm not a teacher, you don't have to raise your hand. What is it, Pohatu? Pohatu: How can we run a hotel that doesn't exist yet? Tahu: What are you talking about? Our hotel does too exist! Pohatu: No it doesn't. Hotels don't just appear, you know. *A hotel falls out of the sky and crushes Pohatu* Gali: Oh, the irony. Lewa: *points to sign outside hotel door* Hey, seelook! It showsays "THE HOTEL NEXT DOOR." Gali: Next door? Next door to what? Kopaka: Our hotel? Tahu: Ha, I was right! See, Pohatu? ...Pohatu? Pohatu: Oog... Tahu: Never mind. Come on, follow me and let's go! Lewa: Hey, how come youTahu get to be the headleader? Tahu: "YouTahu?" That sounds like an awesome idea for the name of a video-sharing website. Anyway, the red guys are always the leader because it's in the script. *Everyone pulls out their scripts for "THE NUVA INN"* Lewa: *tosses script* Loseforget this! I, Lewame, will herenow be the headleader! Just like Zaktan, the brightgreen guys will rule! Tahu: You can't do that! And Zaktan doesn't count because he's a Piraka. Zaktan: *appears* Hey, you got a problem with me being a Piraka, punk? *grabs Tahu and shoves him in a trash can before leaving* Pohatu: That was weird. Gali: No kidding. Oh well, regardless of random trash-can-obsessed Piraka, where are we going to find our hotel? Lewa, any ideas? Lewa: We buildconstruct one! Onua: But where will we get construction workers? Lewa: As headleader, I have an awesomecool smartidea! *Lewa makes a whistle call like in Mask of Light* Everyone but Lewa: ... Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! Gali: Nothing happened. Oh well, let's party! *A disco ball descends from the sky and party lights and music starts playing while Gali dances around* Everyone: *Suddenly, 1,000 monkeys wearing construction hats run up to the Toa and assemble behind Lewa* Lewa: Told you it would succeedwork! Now, monkeys, startbegin building our hotel! *Later that day...* Monkey 1: Monkey noises! Monkey 2: Monkey noises! Monkey 3: Monkey noises! Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises! Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make! Lewa: I think it's an "ooh ooh aah aah" kind of soundnoise. Monkey1: Oh, okay, thanks. Ooh ooh aah aah! *Even later...* Lewa: Movepush that giganticblock over herethere! Monkey #572, watchcheck that falling beam! I mean...never mind. Being headleader is tougher than I believedthought. I don't knowthink I can do thisthat. Onua: There's a leader opening? Then I, Onua, inspired by Garan, shall take command! *Garan appears and blasts Onua with a pulse bolt* Onua: Ouch. Never mind. Pohatu: That's weird. How come whenever we mention someone's name, they appear? *A random Matoran appears* Pohatu: Who are you? RM: I'm someone's name! Pohatu: Huh? RM: My name is "Someone's Name!" Pohatu: *sighs* I rest my case. *Someone's Name disappears* Kopaka: ... *Awkward silence* Lewa: So...what now? The hotel isn't even halfpart donefinished! *Takanuva suddenly falls out of the sky and lands on Pohatu* Takanuva: I am Takanuva, Toa of Light! Gali: Wow, how did you survive that fall? You fell hundreds of feet, you could have been killed! Takanuva: Could have been, but I'm not. Kopaka: You're being repetitive. Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Yes you are--you said the exact same things in Mask of Light! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Yes you are! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Is that all you can say? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Then what else can you say? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: I meant besides "no." Takanuva: No. Kopaka: No, something else! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Shut up. Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Gali: *groans* That was annoying. Good thing Takanuva's just here randomly for one scene, or that might end up becoming a running joke that lasts for the next hundred or so chapters... Takanuva: Okay, that's enough tormenting Kopaka. Lewa, what are you doing? Lewa: We're building a hotel. Takanuva: Let me help! *blasts construction with light, creating a gleaming, 9,321-story tower instantly* Lewa: Impressive! You're hired! Gali: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! Lewa: Shushquiet! Now that our towerhotel is donefinished, let's walkgo inside! Follow me! Gali: Wait! *Everyone stops, crashing into Lewa* Lewa: What now? Gali: What should we call it? We can't have a hotel without a name! Kopaka: But it does have a name! It's "..." Gali: That isn't a name. That's just silence. Kopaka: ... is my favorite word! Gali: WE KNOW. We need a real name. Onua: A name? I know, how about "Bob?" Lewa: That's stupiddumb. Not that kind of name! Tahu: I have an idea! How about "The Nuva Inn?" Lewa: Excellentgood name, Tahu! Tahu: Does this mean I can be the leader again? Lewa: Sorry, no. Tahu: Gali: Tahu, where did you come up with that name? Great idea! Tahu: I read the title of the comedy. *points to topic title hovering in the sky* Gali: But why is that the title of the comedy? Tahu: Because it's the name of the hotel, obviously! Gali: But then why is it the name of the hotel? Tahu: Because it's in the title! Gali: But then--how--what-- *groans* Lewa: Enough talkchat, let's set up a postsign! Takanuva? Takanuva: Sure thing! *a giant glowing neon sign appears reading "THE NUVA INN"* Lewa: That was everquick. Let's go inside! *Suddenly, they hear a loud rumble from behind them* Tahu: What's that? I'm scared! MOMMY!! *runs to Gali* Gali: Get off! I'm not your mom! BIONICLE characters don't even have mothers! *The Toa turn around to see a horde of monkeys running toward them* Lewa: Uh-oh! They must be evermad because they lost their workjobs! *The monkeys leave everyone alone but Takanuva* Takanuva: Hey! Get off! I was only trying to--OWWWW! All Toa Nuva: Kopaka: cool dude. Serves him right. Lewa: Why did you just callname him "cool?" Kopaka: I didn't. BZP's word filter won't let me say the word I wanted to say, even though it appears lots of times in the actual BIONICLE novels and story serials. Gali: Who cares, let's party! *Disco ball and party lights and music appear and she starts dancing* THE end Onua: Hey Narrator! How come just "the" is capitalized and not "end?" Narrator: Never question the narrator! Onua: Why not? *A banana flies in from out of nowhere and smacks him in the mask* Onua: Hey! Narrator: Ha ha ha! *All the monkeys from earlier in the chapter start hitting Onua with bananas* Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,473 words. Lewa0111 Nuva
  2. First things first: TNI has a new chapter, so go check that out. Ask Matau! to follow soon (assuming enough questions roll in), and come Halloween, the Holiday Series will be starting back up! Already got a few nice ideas in mind. As for my personal life and busy-ness, I'm still quite busy with graduate school but try to find time to write here and there. Hopefully things stabilize soon, but you never know. Adulting is hard! On my other BIONICLE projects, Sad Sad Lewa is still waiting for more players but I haven't forgotten it completely. Only two people have responded to my big comedy project announcement, but if I get more (especially animators/artists, we're really short on those) we'll be able to decide on a theme and get moving. I personally like the idea of an animated/voice-acted version of Ask Matau! right now (as it would be much easier to translate into video than TNI) but we'll see. Might also make it completely brand-new. Who knows? Still trying to re-format the QFTCJP cache I found online, but it's slow going. Looks like it includes most of the 2001 saga (about 15 chapters) but nothing past that. I'll definitely be posting something when that gets finished! I may be on less frequently than before, but I'm not gone completely. BZP will always be important! Lewa0111 Nuva
  3. *Charity Commercial Announcer voice* 75% of Mataus don't have enough questions to keep their comedy chapters coming regularly. If you or someone you know is one of the 25% of Mataus with questions to spare, do your part and donate your questions to the Lewa0111 Matau Question Charity. Or "LMQC" for short. Don't ask how to pronounce that. Call right now at 1-800-55-MATAU today.*end voice* ...Okay with that weirdness over with, Matau is in fact in dire need of questions. I wrote a filler chapter today, but he's only got 2 in the wings, and without the old comedy's questions to use anymore, that's not enough to tide over a full-length chapter, so send 'em in! Or, hey, ask Nokama/Whenua/Visorak/whoever some questions, too! On a semi-related note, I'm back for at least the summer. Graduate school is tough, which is why I've been so sporadically active on here this past school year. But I'll keep writing comedy chapters whenever I can, and I'm still dredging the Internet for traces of my old stuff. I may have a lead on a decent chunk of QFTCJP to revive. We'll see! And finally, some of you may have spotted the announcement in my sig. I'm trying to put together a team called The Avengers ...I mean, a team to work on a voice-acted BIONICLE comedy video series. Not sure if it'll be based on existing stuff (voice-acted TNI, anyone?) or something brand-new, maybe using reboot characters, but either way I need talent! I'm a great writer and decent voice actor, but am terrible at art/animation/whatever. So pass the message along to anyone you know who might be interested! Lewa0111 Nuva P.S. If you haven't already, head over to G&T where I'm hosting a game! It's called Sad, Sad [character] in which players try to cheer up a sad Gen 1 character. This time around it's Lewa.[/shamelessadvertising]
  4. As another holiday rolls around, you all know what that means...another installment of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series for your entertainment! And on this very green day, where else should we start but in Le-Metru? Imitation Celebration A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 6 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 Turaga Matau looked out the window of his hut as Turaga Dume approached, completely painted green and with shamrocks sticking out of his mask. (Rather than any of his many bizarre holiday-specific masks, however, he was apparently just wearing his regular mask painted green like the rest of him). “Dume, please go quick-away…” Matau muttered. Of course, Dume didn’t listen; for one, he couldn’t hear Matau from that far away, and for two, he wouldn’t have listened even if he could hear it. In no time at all, Dume was knocking on Matau’s front door. “Hello-Hi, Turaga-Old-People!” Dume called out in a horrendous impersonation of a chutespeak accent. “Open-open this-that door-door, please-begging!” “‘Door-door?’ Really?” Sighing, Matau reluctantly opened the door. “Hello Dume,” he said. “Hi-hello, Matau-Matau! I-me am-am a-a Le-Air Matoran-Tohunga! Don’t-not do-do you-Matau like-enjoy it-me?” “Why are you talk-speaking like a moron-krekka?” “What-huh? I-me am-am speaking-talking Chutespeak-treespeak, obviously-duh!” Don’t-can’t you-Matau get-see that-that?” “No one talks-speaks like that; this has got to be the most terrible-bad Le-Matoran impression I’ve ever seen. Would you just go away-far and leave me alone?” “Except-but you-you must-have to-to celebrate-celebrate this-that holiday-day! It’s-it’s you-your favorite-best day-day! A-a day-day when-when everyone-all becomes-turns Le-Air Matoran-Tohunga!” “You’re not a Le-Matoran; you’re a Turaga-geezer of Fire who painted himself green-emerald,” observed Matau. “Now please stop annoying-bothering me!” “Nope-can’t! I-me am-am just-now starting-getting warmed-heated up-down! Today-day is-is full-filled with-with ideas-celebrations!” Matau promptly slammed the door. “Hi-hello Onewa-Turaga!” exclaimed the green-painted Turaga Dume, as he knocked on the door to the Turaga’s Home. “Go-come join-follow me-me to-for our-our Le-Air Matoran-Tohunga’s Day-Holiday!” “Dume, what holiday is it this time? I’m trying to sleep,” Onewa complained, leaning his head out the window. He rubbed his eyes and blinked at the sight. “Why is everything green?” “Since-because it’s-it’s Le-Air Matoran-Tohunga’s Day-Holiday, obviously-duh!” Onewa glanced at what appeared to be a sizeable portion of the population of Po-Metru arranged behind Dume, all of whom were painted entirely green and had shamrocks and other various odds and ends sticking out of their masks. “What is this, a parade?” he asked. “Hmm-umm,” thought Dume. “That’s an awesome-great thought-idea, Onewa-you! Let’s-let’s go-travel back-return to-to Le-Air Metru-city!” Although Dume’s increasingly terrible Le-Matoran accent was starting to get annoying, Onewa shrugged and opened the door. “I guess I have nothing better to do today…” he muttered. “Come on, Vakama.” Somewhere inside the house, Vakama staggered to his feet and looked outside. Dume immediately ran up to him. “Hi-hello, you-Turaga Fire-Vakama, join-join us-us in-inside this-that parade-march!” “BACK, YOU FOUL CREATURE! ONE MORE STEP AND I’LL--” Vakama shouted, bonking Dume on the head with his firestaff. “Ouch-oww, what’s-what’s wrong-bad with-with him-Vakama?” asked Dume. “He...does that sometimes,” explained Onewa, quickly shutting the door before Vakama could continue to try to beat up Dume. “In his defense, though, all that green paint does kinda make you look like a Lehrak.” “WHAT!?” demanded Dume. “...Uh, I mean, ‘WHAT-WHAT!?’ I-me don’t-do-not appear-look like-like a-a Lehrak-Lehrak!” “Actually, you really do…” “Shut-shut up-down!” “‘Up-down?’” asked Onewa with a . “You know what, never mind. Let’s just start this parade already. In fact, I have a great idea for a route!” “Really-really? Cool-awesome, show-show it-it to-to me-Dume!” “ “ emoticonned the Turaga of Stone, as he quickly scribbled a rough map of Le-Metru onto a conveniently placed tablet and showed it to Dume…. “Matau-Turaga!” exclaimed Kongu after he’d accidentally dive-bombed a chute transport into the Turaga’s house that afternoon, as part of their daily routine. “Have you seen-heard what Dume’s been doing?” Matau groaned and rubbed his eyes. Then he realized that he couldn’t rub his eyes, due to the mask covering his face, and so he rubbed his mask instead. Then he accidentally knocked his mask off in the process and was temporarily rendered unconscious for several long, awkward moments. Then Kongu just stood there whistling the Mask of Light theme while he waited for Matau to wake up. Then Nokama finally wandered downstairs, noticed Matau’s unconscious mask-less self, and put his mask back on his face. Then Matau woke up again. “Oh, hello Kongu,” he said, “you’re still now-here?” “Yes,” Kongu observed dryly. “What were we speak-talking about...oh, right, Dume. I don’t know-think who he knows-thinks he is, pretending to be a Le-Matoran like that.” “It’s not just him anymore, though! Lots of Matoran and even Onewa-Turaga have joined his parade in Po-Metru!” “That’s not a surprise-shock,” Matau commented, “He-Onewa hates me. Where are they now?” “Uhh....” uhhed Kongu. “Hold on.” The Le-Matoran ran out the door (which had been squished by the chute transport from earlier, so he didn’t so much go out the door as he did over it), hopped onto a conveniently placed Gukko, flew off, and flew back in five seconds later with another chute transport, which he promptly crashed into Matau’s back door. Nokama laughed. “I did warn you about karma all those years ago when you crashed everything into everyone else’s house…” she mentioned. “Don’t remind-remember me,” said Matau. “Okay Kongu, what did you see-find?” “You won’t believe this, but they’re going-coming back here, to Le-Metru!” “ “ emoticonned Matau. “Again? Why won’t they leave me alone-solo?” “Actually,” said Kongu, “this might be a good-awesome thing.” “How could Dume and Onewa coming now-here toa nnoy me possibly be a good thing??” An odd-looking Toa suddenly popped his head into the wreckage of the house. “Did somebody call me? I’m Toa Nnoy, Toa of Typos!” “ ” emoticonned Kongu, Matau, and Nokama simultaneously. “Uhh...no,” said Nokama. Toa Nnoy shrugged. “Fair enough. I guess I’ll go back to tracking down the Rahkshi of Letter Control.” He then left as randomly as he had come. The three of them stared after the randomly appearing Toa for several long, awkward moments. Then, finally, Nokama said, “You know what? Let’s all just pretend that never happened.” “Okay-good idea, Turaga,” said Kongu. “So! Turaga Matau, we should prank-trick Onewa right back at him!” “What did you have in brain-mind?” “Let me explain it to you…” Onewa triumphantly marched into Le-Metru at the head of a parade of Po-Matoran and Turaga Dume, all of whom were doused in green paint and trying to act like Le-Matoran...well, trying of course being the operative word here. The actual Le-Matoran they passed were getting more and more annoyed with their attempts at chutespeak...especially Dume’s, which had apparently just devolved into his repeating every word twice. “Hi-hi all-all you-you friendly-friendly Le-Le Matoran-Matoran! Happy-Happy Le-Le Matoran’s-Matoran’s Day-Day!” “Dume-Turaga, you’re doing-working it-that wrong-incorrect,” Onewa said. “You just-only make you-yourself look-seem stupid-dumb. We’re trying-attempting to act-be exactly-really just-like real-true Le-Matoran!” “What-what are-are you-you talking-talking about-about? I-I sound-sound exactly-exactly like-like how-how Le-Le Matoran-Matoran speak-speak in-in real-real life-life!” Every single Le-Matoran in the whole city collectively facepalmed at that moment. As they finally drew closer to Matau’s house, Onewa started to dance around and sing as loud as he could in order to get Matau’s attention. After several minutes of making himself look like a moron, however, he realized no one was in the house. “Oh, come on!” he groaned, momentarily forgetting to use fake chutespeak. “Hi, Onewa! Look over here!” called Matau from a nearby rooftop. Onewa turned to look...and his eyes widened. “What the--what--” he stammered. Matau and a good chunk of the Le-Matoran were arranged on a rooftop, all of whom were covered in paint of various shades of brown and tan. Not only that, but they all carried rocks and hammers in their hands and were bouncing up and down bopping themselves over the heads with them. “Look at us! We’re Po-Matoran!” “But-but it’s-it’s not-not Po-Po Matoran’s-Matoran’s Day-Day!” protested Dume. “It is now!” crowed Matau as he bonked himself over the head with his hammer. Onewa, annoyed, shooed the crows away. “You can’t make fun of me! I was going to make fun of you! You stole my idea!” “Exactly! Wheeeeeeee~!” shouted Matau. “Okay-okay fine-fine, forget-forget this-this!” said Dume. “I-I have-have a-a better-better idea-idea!” The Turaga then ran off somewhere in the general direction of Ko-Metru. Onewa, Matau, and all of the Po- and Le-Matoran shrugged. “Well, now that we’re all dressed as each other, why don’t we trade Metrus for a day?” suggested Matau. “But what if he ruins our house?” asked Nokama worriedly. Matau gestured pointedly at their house, which was now little more than a pile of rubble with multiple chute transports crashed into it. “If he can figure-find out a way to ruin-destroy it even more, then I’ll be impressed.” “Good point. Though speaking of ruining things, I should probably go and check on Ga-Metru. Who knows what Dume’s usual holiday antics might have done to it this time?” However, on their way to Po-Metru, Matau and the Le-Matoran all stopped as they noticed two huge crowds, one of Ko-Matoran and the other of Onu-Matoran, blocking their path. However, on a second look, the Matoran he’d thought were Ko-Matoran were actually Onu-Matoran covered in white paint, and the Matoran he’d thought were Onu-Matoran were actually Ko-Matoran covered in ashes from Ta-Metru’s furnaces. “We don’t have paint,” explained a random Ko-Matoran coldly. The Onu-Matoran dressed up like Ko-Matoran, including Whenua, were making big fools of themselves. “I like the future I like the stars, I like the future that might be on Mars,” they were singing as they wandered around with giant telescopes glued to their eyes and staring upward, bumping into each other constantly due to not being able to see where they were going. “We’re Ko-Matoran!” “Beepity beep beep gibberish gibberish I can’t even speak Matoran!” Whenua was saying, while Onepu, who was apparently pretending to be a translator, said “Nuju says ‘I dance the cha-cha like a sissy girl!” Of course, the Ko-Matoran dressed up like Onu-Matoran were giving as good as they got. “Mining mining mining mining mining!” said one group, as they crawled around with their rear ends in the air, their faces stuck to the dirt, and various random mining tools held in their hands. “Digging digging digging digging digging!” Like the Onu-Matoran with their telescopes, these Ko-Matoran were bumping into each other due to not being able to see where they were going. Nuju walked around with a pile of history textbooks on his head. “I’m Whenua, I don’t care about the future! I just want to study history all day! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn...even pretending to be you is boring…” “Out of the way, Po-Matoran coming through!” shouted Matau as he and the Le-Matoran wandered through the crowds, bonking themselves and each other on the heads with hammers and rocks. “Carvity carve carve!” Meanwhile, Nokama walked into Ga-Metru and saw that it was filled with Ta-Matoran covered in blue paint, accompanied by Dume, who had now somehow become drenched in paint of all six BIONICLE colors. “Blub blub blub blub blub! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH~!” Jaller shouted as he ran around with a fish on his head. “Let’s learn about FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH~!” “Let’s go sailing and boating and canoeing and kayaking and sailing and pontooning and sailing and sailing!” said Nuhrii. “And then I can teach everyone how to go sailing and boating and canoeing and…” “I’m Nokama, and I’m in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE with Matau!” said a blue-painted Vakama. “I’m so in love that I’m in love! I’m so in love that I’m obsessed with the ‘wub’ emoticon! I’m so in love that I slap him constantly! It’s all my fault that I’m making fun of Nokama!” At this last one, Dume bonked him over the head with his own firestaff, that had two extra pieces duct-taped to the end of it to make it resemble a trident “Dume,” Nokama said, not wanting to get involved in this ludicrous display of stupidity, “do you mind telling me where my Ga-Matoran went? And what, exactly, are you supposed to be now?” “I’m a Letapoonugako-Matoran, obviously!” “ ” “And your Ga-Matoran are right here. Are you blind?” Nokama, annoyed, walked up to him and with a *SLAP!* slapped him across the face. “No, I mean the real Ga-Matoran.” “They’re right here!” As Nokama readied her slapping hand again, Dume hastily added, “...Although now that you mention it, there are a bunch of Ta-Matoran in Ta-Metru.” Nokama sighed. “Figures. Thanks anyway. Don’t destroy the Great Temple!” *CRASH!* “Too late…” The Turaga of Water gazed out over the forges of Ta-Metru, which were now staffed entirely by Ga-Matoran, who had apparently tried to cover themselves in red paint, but it all melted off from the heat, so they’d given up. Piles of protodermis that were apparently supposed to resemble Kanohi were launching out of the furnaces and getting thrown around like frisbees, even though frisbees don’t exist in BIONICLE. “There you are, Turaga! Come join us; we’re Ta-Matoran!” shouted Macku. She then set a pile of sticks on her head on fire. “I’m on fire! I’m a Ta-Matoran! I’m on fire! Wheeeeeeeeeee!” “I love discs! And masks! And forging! Look at this, it’s perfect!” shouted Kai, picking up a hideous lump of protodermis and chucking it into a fire. Nokama looked around for a few moments, then sighed in defeat as she spotted a conveniently placed bucket of red paint nearby. “When in Stelt, do as the Steltians do…” she muttered as she upended the bucket over her head. “I’m Vakama! It’s all my fault that I’m Vakama! It’s all my fault we’re in Ta-Metru! It’s all my fault that there’s paint everywhere! It’s all my fault…!” “You’re supposed to make the impressions funny, not accurate,” said a brown-painted Matau who had suddenly wandered in. “It’s all my fault I did this wrong! It’s all my fault I don’t know how to exaggerate this any more than it already is! It’s all my fault Vakama’s ridiculous antics are already funny! It’s all my fault…!” Dume walked into the scene after a long day of having toured the other Metrus and taking part in everyone’s imitation antics. “That was a great holiday,” he commented as he looked at the blotchy mess of paint all over his armor. “Though I don’t know why the Le-Matoran were so annoyed with me in the first place. My-my chutespeak-chutespeak impression-impression is-is flawless-flawless!” Unbeknownst to anyone else on Metru Nui, Makuta was that very day planning to invade the city with an army of Rahkshi. Before his attack, he took some time to turn invisible and scout out the city. Upon seeing the Po-Matoran bonking themselves over the heads and singing about carving, the Le-Matoran speaking in horrendously terrible chutespeak, the Onu-Matoran with their faces glued to the ground, the Ko-Matoran with their faces literally glued to their telescopes, the Ga-Matoran spazzing out and running around like idiots screaming about fish and sailing, and a different group of Ga-Matoran who were apparently convinced they were Ta-Matoran, and the Ta-Matoran having apparently vanished entirely, he just shook his head and turned his army around. “You know what...I’ve decided Metru Nui isn’t even worth conquering anymore…” he commented as he evilled his way back to his lair. Upon entering his fortress at Destral, though, he stopped in mid-evil-stride and stared with his mouth hanging open. A group of Toa and Matoran, covered in black and red paint, were dancing around his throne room making complete fools of themselves. “We’re so evil, evil is so fun, I love evil, it’s so fun,” sang the Matoran. “I’m Makuta Terry-ducks! I have a stupid name and my voice sounds like I ingested several gallons of sandpaper!” said what he could now see was a black-painted Takanuva. Makuta couldn’t even say anything. His mouth opened and shut several times in sheer astonishment at the audacity of these Av-Matoran and Takanuva. Finally, he just backed slowly and awkwardly out of the room. Something is wrong with this entire universe, he thought to himself. It’s like it’s made it a personal goal toa nnoy me. Toa Nnoy appeared. “Did you summon me telepathically? I’m Toa Nnoy, Toa of Typos!” I’ve been annoyed for the last time! That does it, I am taking over the universe itself! THE END Lewa0111 the Word Counting Character: Look at me! I can count the words of a comedy and say them at the end! Also I speak in script in prose comedies for some reason! And this comedy has 2,763 words! ~Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2015 Thanksgiving Special 2015 Christmas Special 2015 New Year’s Special 2015 Valentine’s Special 2016 Bob the Word Counting Matoran (Look at me! I’m the author! I write these comedies two days late all the time and constantly go on hiatuses! And I’m not even that funny!)
  5. It’s Valentine’s Day, and what better way to celebrate this romantic holiday than with everyone’s favorite not-quite-off-again-on-again-sorta-maybe couple? Oh wait, I know...how about with two of them? The Weirdest Double Date Ever A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 5 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 It was another morning in the city of Metru Nui. In her home in Ga-Metru, Toa Nokama was sleeping peacefully when a sudden racket from outside woke her up. Annoyed, she stretched and looked out her window, where she saw a procession of Ta-Matoran walking past. Normally this wouldn’t have been too surprising (except for the fact that Ta-Matoran normally didn’t like water much), but on closer inspection, there was something rather...unusual about these particular Ta-Matoran. The most obvious thing about them was that each and every Matoran in the procession had been dyed a bright pink. This would’ve been bad enough for Nokama (she could hardly stare directly at their armor without hurting her eyes, it was so bright) but they were also banging on drums, shooting heart-shaped arrows randomly in all directions, and chucking heart-shaped cards at every Ga-Matoran they encountered. Nokama shrugged. It was definitely Valentine’s Day, all right. She never used a calendar anymore, as she could always count on Turaga Dume’s outlandish ideas for the holidays to keep her aware of what day it was. She suddenly found herself energized, excited to find out what the day would bring! Valentine’s Day was a day full of love, romance, flowers, and chocolate. (Wait, actually forget the chocolate, because it doesn’t exist in BIONICLE. Duh.) A nice, peaceful, romantic day, that she would enj-- “HEADS UP!!” came a sudden shout. Suddenly Nokama found herself zooming hundreds of mio per hour, high above the city, dangling from the bottom of a shoddily-constructed flying vehicle. “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, hey Nokama. Like my new Jet Soarer? When did you get here, anyway?” Nokama clung to the side of said Jet Soarer (which had been made, as far as she could tell, out of some Axalara parts, two Kanohi Kadin superglued to the wings, several Air Katana duct-taped together, and--) “Are those Tahnok velcroed to the bottom? Why in Mata Nui’s name...never mind. Will you just get me off this thing?” “The heat makes it go faster!” explained Matau with a . “No Krana, obviously. Like it?” “You owe me a new house.” Matau’s eyes widened. “Oh, that was your house...oops. Thought it was Onewa’s.” “Why the Karzahni would he live in Ga-Metru!?!?!?!?!?” (Pohatu attempted to appear to say his usual running joke, but due to being high in the air, took one look outside his time-comedy warp portal and closed it right up again instead). “Dunno. Hey, does this count as a date?” Nokama really, really wished he were in slapping range. “No! Just get me on the ground. RIGHT NOW!” Matau rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re no fun...” He laughed and pushed the controls forward. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean like--GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Nokama screamed suddenly as Matau brought the Jet Soarer into a near-vertical dive straight into Le-Metru. At the very last second, Matau swerved, missing the Moto-Hub by inches, and twisted the vehicle upside-down as it plowed into the top of a nearby house. Luckily, thanks to that last-minute twist, Nokama ended up safely away from the crash, and clambered down onto the wreckage unharmed. Matau, however, was not so lucky. “Blubbllbulbb...bluuuuuuuuuuuuugh... “ he rambled as he stumbled out of the vehicle and then immediately fainted. “Uh-oh,” Nokama muttered, looking around nervously. “I hope nobody was home.” As if on cue, two Turaga opened the inexplicably still-standing back door and peered out. “Oh, don’t worry. That happens just about every other day when you live in Le-Metru,” explained one of them. “In fact, I’m surprised I haven’t seen Kongu--” A large transport vehicle suddenly catapulted out of the nearby chute, ridden by a laughing Le-Matoran. The vehicle immediately splatted into the ground where the Turagas’ house had been standing. “Oh, never mind, there he is.” “Come to think of it,” said the other Turaga, who Nokama could now see had green armor, “you look awfully familiar. Have we met before?” A trident emerged from behind the door and bonked the green Turaga on the head. “You moron!” said the second Turaga, who now walked out of the door to join them, “she’s me!” “ “ was just about all Nokama could say to that. “Airplanes!” said a very woozy Matau, suddenly standing up. He looked around. “Yeah, I’m tired.” He fainted again. “Wait...was that...?” asked the green Turaga. “Toa Matau,” said Nokama. “Sorry about him.” “WHAT??” “I know. It’s a bit of a shock,” said the blue Turaga. “HE STOLE MY NAME! I’m the only one awesome enough to earn the name ‘Matau!’” The blue Turaga facepalmed. “Matau? He’s you.” “Wait...” stuttered Nokama, realization suddenly dawning. “He’s Matau? As a Turaga? Then who are...you’re me?” “That’s right,” said Turaga Nokama. “Somehow.” Turaga Matau, Toa Nokama, and Turaga Nokama all staired at each other for a long, awkward moment. Then they all got lazy, so they switched to escalatoring at each other instead. Finally, Toa Nokama broke the silence. “Okay, wait, hold on. How can we both be on Metru Nui at the same time, if we’re Toa before we ever awakened the Matoran on Metru Nui but you’re only Turaga after returning to Metru Nui at the end of the 2003 storyline and the Toa Nuva are running around but Dume’s still active and apparently not possessed by Makuta and...where exactly in the storyline does the Lewa0111 comedy universe take place, anyway?” Turaga Matau raised his eyebrows. “Short answer? It doesn’t.” Toa Nokama shrugged. “Eh, fair enough. Uh, sorry again about your house. My house? Our house?” “It’s okay. Like I said, we’ve seen worse.” Toa Nokama glanced at the unconscious Toa Matau lying nearby. “So...what are we going to do about him? We can’t just leave him there.” “Don’t you...me...us...we...whatever, just don’t worry,” said Turaga Nokama. “It’s easy!” With that, she walked up to Toa Matau, placed her hand on his face, then violently yanked it away with a *!palS* Immediately Toa Matau sat up. “What happened? Where am I? Oh, hey old me. Hey, old Nokama.” “ ” emoticonned Toa Nokama. “You’re taking this surprisingly well.” “It’s a Lewa0111 comedy. I’m just shocked it took this long for us to meet.” “I make a good point,” said Turaga Matau. “Hey, young me.” “Remind me to teach you the secret art of the palS sometime,” Turaga Nokama whispered to her Toa counterpart. Then, louder, she asked the group, “So what should we do now?” “I know!” exclaimed Toa Matau. “Let’s race! Matau Vs. Matau: The Ultimate Challenge!” Still woozy from her previous encounter with Matau’s flying antics, Nokama immediately shook her head. “Let’s not.” “Aww, you’re no fun.” “ ” all four suddenly emoticonned. Surprised, they all looked up. A flock of Gukko was passing by, all dressed up as Cupids with bows and arrows glued to their wings. Cameo the Le-Matoran, covered in pink, was riding the lead Gukko, dumping pink paint and heart confetti down onto everyone he passed, causing the victims to resemble “wub” emoticons. The two Turaga looked at each other. “Dume...and here he’s supposed to be the mature one,” Turaga Nokama said. “You’re all Turaga though; shouldn’t you all be mature?” asked Toa Nokama, confused. Her Turaga self just laughed. “Not really. Have you seen Dume’s holidays?” she asked. Toa Nokama shrugged. “Good point. Actually, speaking of Dume, I’d almost forgotten today was Valentine’s Day! Shouldn’t you two be on a date?” “Shouldn’t you two?” Nokama (both of them) sighed. “A fair point,” conceded the Toa of Water. “So far my Valentine’s Day has been...less than romantic.” “What are you talking about? I got you a free ride on my Jet Soarer for the occasion! That’s super romantic, right?” “Definitely!” said Turaga Matau. “See, Nokama? ...Er, my Nokama? I told you that was a perfectly acceptable anniversary gift!” “Matau, yourself does not count as a valid reference.” “Hey!” protested Toa Matau. Toa Nokama shrugged. “She has a point. Where were the flowers? Hearts? Chocolates?” (We already went over this! Chocolate doesn’t exist in BIONICLE!) “Unfortunately, both of our Mataus will need to try a lot harder to make this Valentine’s Day a good one,” said Turaga Nokama. (Completely ignoring me, as usual. In a weird way, I kind of miss the fourth-wall-breaking Earth characters...uhh, don’t tell Onua or Whenua I said that.) “Okay! I have a super romantic idea! Let’s go out on a date!” exclaimed Toa Matau. “Very creative, Matau,” said Nokama sarcastically. “Can you be more specific?” “Hmm...” thought Toa Matau. “Oh, here’s a good one. A double date! Or...single date? Self-date? Not sure what you call it. But we can go out along with our Turaga selves!” Nokama considered this. “That’s actually not a bad idea.” The two Turaga looked at each other. “See? That was a halfway decent Valentine’s Day idea. Why didn’t you ever come up with anything like that?” asked Turaga Nokama. “But I have come up with that!” protested Turaga Matau. “Oh really? When?” “When I was a Toa and this happened, and I said that, just now! ...Then?” “I don’t even...you know what, never mind.” Ignoring this rather odd conversation, Toa Matau asked, “So this is an actual, official date? Awesome! Where should we go?” “I’ve wanted to visit the new Colosseum they just finished building! Can we go there?” “Sure, anything for you! I’m driving,” said Toa Matau. “NO!” both Nokamas shouted simultaneously. “Aww, why not? I’m a great driver!” “Agreed!” said Turaga Matau. Both Nokamas gazed pointedly at the wreckage of the house and Jet Soarer. Some time later, Toa Nokama was (very carefully) flying them all toward the center of the city, where a gleaming new Colosseum had been built to replace the one destroyed in the recent New Year’s debacle. A few Vahki construction crews (and Takanuva) were still finishing up the last touches on the building, but for the most part it was completed. It featured elevators, an observation deck, a much better sound system than before, extensive sky-parking, and even separate stadiums for Akilini, Kohlii, Sohker, Gholph, and numerous other Matoran sports. However, it wasn’t in the same location as the old Colosseum, but rather in a prime location right next to the Nuva Inn, which now had a skybridge connecting the two structures. (Toa Lewa had insisted on the new location, “claiming” that it had nothing to do with wanting more money.) “That looks like a good spot!” said Turaga Nokama, pointing to a sky-parking spot right near the main entrance. Her Toa self steered toward the spot, but as they got there, a small flying spider-shaped vehicle cut in front of them, settling neatly into the spot. “Aww.” “Hey, what’s the big idea?” demanded Matau of the other vehicle. “Nobody makes my girlfriend sad!” Both Nokamas SLAP!ed their respective Mataus. “What did I do?” asked Turaga Matau. “When you were a Toa and this happened. Just now,” Turaga Nokama said, quoting his own words from earlier back at him. “I hate irony.” While this conversation was happening, Matau leaped into the air and flew over to the parking spot. “I’ll have you know that was our spot. We saw it first!” The door of the other vehicle opened to reveal... “Wait, Oohnorak? What are you doing here?” The black-and-orange Visorak stepped out. “It’s Valentine’s Day, obviously.” “Wait a minute, you have a girlfriend? Since when?” A Boggarak stepped out of the other side. “Since forever. This is Katie the Boggarak.” “How did I not know about this?” “What did you think I was doing whenever I wasn’t in entire chapters of Ask Matau!, sitting around? I was usually out with Katie.” “Huh. I just figured Lewa0111 forgot about you.” “Nah. I was busy.” “Oh, okay. But look, can we still have the parking spot?” The Visorak shrugged (no easy feat when you’re a spider). “Well, yeah. We’ll be gone soon. Bye!” As the two Visorak walked into the Colosseum, hand-in-hand (er...”pincer-in-pincer?”), Random Matoran #35 jumped into their vehicle. “One order of valet parking, coming right up!” he said with a , flying the vehicle off. Toa Nokama, seeing this, settled their vehicle onto the spot. “Thanks, Matau! That was sweet of you.” She then tried to kiss him on the cheek, but only succeeded in bonking their masks together and knocking them off. Luckily, their Turaga selves quickly put their masks back on before the Toa could faint. “Okay. That didn’t work.” “We’ve tried that before,” Turaga Nokama commented. “Sure, now you tell me! Whatever, let’s just go inside.” The odd pair of couples walked through the door, as behind them, Random Matoran #35 flew the vehicle away. Once inside, they were greeted with billboards advertising everything from Nidhiki’s Webbing Services to Avohkii Construction, Inc. to the Skydiving Club and beyond. Crowds of various beings milled about, coming and going from the Kohlii game on the ground floor, the Nuva Inn, the restaurants and observatory on the top floor, and the many shops installed along the side. “Wow,” gasped both sets of Nokamas and Mataus in astonishment. “This is definitely an improvement over the old one,” Toa Nokama commented. “I could shop here all day!” “Well, we’re not here to shop,” said Turaga Matau. “It’s Valentine’s Day, can’t you stop thinking about yourself for one minute?” demanded Turaga Nokama. “But I like thinking about myself!” “WE KNOW,” said both Nokamas. Toa Matau just pointed to one of the billboards advertising the top floor. “Actually, I’m right...he’s right...I’m right...WHATEVER. We’re not here to shop because we have a dinner reservation!” “I’m fine with that!” said Toa Nokama. “I just hope it goes better than the last time we went out to a restaurant.” “Don’t worry. I’m not wearing a tie this time!” “That’s a relief,” Turaga Nokama observed. The four of them ascended the elevator to the top floor, where they emerged into the latest addition to the Tava’s Pie House series of restaurants. “Welcome to Tava’s Pie House: Pie-in-the-Sky Edition!” said Random Matoran #35, dressed as a waiter. “Wait a minute, weren’t you the valet driver?” asked Toa Matau, confused. “Yes,” said Random Matoran #35. “And now you’re the waiter?” “Yes.” “But how did you get up here so fast? And change your uniform?” “Yes.” “ ” “Sorry about him,” interjected Turaga Nokama. “Just show us to our seats.” “Okay, right this way.” They passed several tables filled with various couples, including Nidhiki and Lariska (and a very confused Krekka), Everyone and Nobody (strangest couple name ever), Roodaka and Sidorak (who insisted on the royal treatment), Krika and Krahka (prone to mixing up their own names), Hewkii and Macku (who apparently didn’t care that their relationship is non-canon), Oohnorak and Katie (who Matau still couldn’t believe were even dating), and, for some inexplicable reason, Gresh and Kiina. “Are those Bara Magnan Glatorian over there?” whispered Toa Nokama to her Turaga self. “Yes, I believe you’re right.” “Why are they here? Isn’t this comedy before--” “I told you, just accept that no official storyline timeline makes any sense in Lewa0111 comedies, and you’ll feel better,” whispered Toa Matau. Finally, Random Matoran #35 sat them down at their table. “Enjoy!” he said. They looked at their menus. “Wow. I never knew this many types of pies existed!” said Toa Nokama. “There’s a ‘Stuff Matau Likes’ Pie? This place really does have everything,” said Toa Matau with a . “I’ll definitely be having one of those, too,” said Turaga Matau. “This place is the best!” “They even have a ‘Jumble-of-random-foods-typically-found-in-comedies-including-cheese-pickles-cookies-bananas-and-pie-yes-pie-within-pie-don’t-ask’ pie? That is one long name,” commented Turaga Nokama. In no time at all, Random Matoran #35 was back to take their order. Both Mataus ordered...well, you can probably guess; Toa Nokama had a “Seafood Delight Pie,” and Turaga Nokama decided to try the “Observation Platform Pie,” which was a specialty only served in this particular Tava’s Pie House. “So,” said Toa Matau after they’d all placed their orders, “what was everyone’s favorite part of the day? I liked the part where I was awesome. And where I met another me. You’re much nicer than that Toa Matau clone I ran into before. He was a...word we can’t say on BZPower.” “How many of us are there?” asked Turaga Matau. “We should make a Matau band. Or a Matau city! All Mataus, all the time!” “That’s a great idea. Let’s see, there’s us, that clone Matau, the toy version of you from one of Lewa0111’s old cancelled comedies, the Matau from Ask Matau! (or is that me? I’m confused), the official storyline Mataus....” “I just got an idea! Let’s take Bitil’s mask! Then we could have infinite Mataus!” “BEST. IDEA. EVER.” While this conversation was going on, the two Nokamas were exchanging looks of exasperation. “This sounds like a recipe for disaster,” Turaga Nokama commented. “‘Recipe for disaster?’ Did you want our Disaster Pie recipe? We’re selling all of our Pie recipes in the gift shop on our way out!” exclaimed Random Matoran #35, arriving with their orders. “Uhh...maybe. Anyway, thanks for the food.” Suddenly, an explosion erupted from the kitchen, and a geyser of fire launched itself into the air. The entire place caught fire, and screaming Matoran ran everywhere. “Hey, what’s the big idea? I was about to eat!” shouted Turaga Matau. Both Nokamas stood up and started to put out the fire, but two flying transports pulled up outside the windows, discharging a firematoran carrying a long hose, who swiftly put out the fire. A drenched Tahu stumbled out of the former kitchen. “For once it wasn’t my fault!” he was saying. “Nidhiki shouldn’t have ordered the ‘Extra-Gigantic-Mega-Size Fire Pie!’” <TOA TAHU. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR BURNING STUFF. AGAIN> said a Vorzakh, leading a squad to arrest the aforementioned Toa of Fire. <YOU WILL COME QUIETLY> “That was...uhh...interesting,” commented Toa Nokama. “I just hope we get a refund,” Turaga Matau said. “Our pies are all charred to a crisp!” “REFUND??” shouted a randomly appeared Lewa. “DON’T YOU DARE TAKE MY PRECIOUS MONEY!” As the Vorzakh led Tahu away in the background, Tava said, “Lewa? You don’t even own this restaurant. It’s not actually your money.” “I do now! I’m buying your restaurant.” “It’s not for sale...” Before Lewa could get more upset, Tava grabbed a Widget Pie and pied Lewa in the face with it. “Here, now go back to your Manager’s Suite.” “Yay, a Money Pie!” Lewa then flew off back to the Nuva Inn as randomly as he had come. “Oh, and no refunds.” “...He doesn’t even work here,” said the firematoran, “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. But Charred-to-a-Crisp Pies are actually pretty good. I’ve had them before. They’re surprisingly popular with Ta-Matoran.” “Well, none of us are Ta-Matoran,” observed Toa Nokama. “This date is a disaster,” murmured Toa Matau. The firematoran shrugged. “It could be worse. You could all be on fire right now.” “A fair point,” said Turaga Nokama. As the firematoran got back into his vehicle and flew away, he took off his Mask of Fireproofing to reveal himself to be Random Matoran #35. Toa Matau turned around as soon as the vehicle had left, only to see Random Matoran #35 walking up to their table, ready to receive their check. “Wait but--wha--how--you were the firematoran just now!” “Yes.” Toa Nokama put a hand on his shoulder. “That certainly happened. Let’s just go; we can still see the observation deck!” Toa Matau sighed. “Yeah, good idea. Check please!” After both Mataus had paid for their respective dates, all four found themselves out on the observation deck next to the restaurant. They gazed out upon the beautiful, romantic sight of the city’s lights twinkling against the sunset. They also gazed out upon Ta-Metru exploding from an unsuccessful attempt at baking Valentines’ Day cookies, Le-Metru experiencing a rain of vehicles crashing from running into Cameo’s flocks of pink-paint-and-heart-confetti-dropping Gukko birds, Po-Metru inexplicably causing a giant sinkhole to erupt from a poorly-thought-out quarry (in which Hafu had been carving a giant valentine out of the stone to give to...himself), Onu-Metru dealing with the aforementioned giant sinkhole, Ga-Metru filling with the panicked screams of pink Ta-Matoran falling into one-foot-deep water and thinking they were drowning, and Ko-Metru doing absolutely nothing for the occasion because they were too busy doing scholarly things to bother with the holiday. Okay, maybe ‘beautiful, romantic sight’ wasn’t the best description. “You know,” said Toa Matau, “as random as today was, I look out at this sight and I think something.” “Oh? And what’s that?” asked Nokama, anticipating something heartwarming and romantic. “Random Matoran #35 was right, even if he does keep changing jobs inexplicably. My plan for today was still the best out of everyone else’s!” he said with a , gesturing to the sounds of chaos from the city below. Nokama just facepalmed. On the other side of the platform, the two Turaga watched their Toa selves. “I miss those days,” Turaga Nokama said wistfully. “I liked being a Toa.” “Being a Toa-Hero was fun. It’s nice seeing them. Us. Ourselves. Themselves. Whatever.” “Today was fun, though. Even if I never got to find out what an Observation Platform Pie tastes like.” “You know what I think, though?” asked Turaga Matau. “That you’re the greatest Toa-Hero ever?” “No...well okay, yes, but I meant besides that. Being a Turaga isn’t all that bad. Toa Me hasn’t had nearly as much time spent with you, after all. And those are some great memories to have.” “...And who couldn’t be happy with today? Spending it with such a hottie-hot-hottie like you is--” Toa Matau was saying, which was predictably met with a *SLAP!* Seeing this, Turaga Nokama raised an eyebrow (despite wearing her mask). “Well, okay, they weren’t all great memories,” Turaga Matau admitted. “But I still wouldn’t trade them for the world. That Toa of Air still has a lot of fun times ahead. And I should know! I’m literally him!” “That was...surprisingly sweet,” Turaga Nokama said. They started to kiss-- “Ha, ha!” yelled Cameo, zooming overhead with his bucket and upending it over all of them, then throwing a smartphone and two Xbox Ones at the almost-kissing Turaga for good measure before flying away. Both Mataus and Nokamas looked at each other. “Some things never change,” Toa Nokama said as a squad of Vahki zoomed past, followed by a policematoran riding a Gukko, all chasing the prankster. “Except for him, apparently,” Toa Matau pointed out. Sure enough, the policematoran was Random Matoran #35. Just then, the doors swung open, and Toa Tava came racing out onto the platform, carrying four pies in his hands. “Wait! You forgot your free desserts! I made special-edition Valentines’ Day Pies for you all!” “Oh, wow, thank you--” Toa Nokama started to say, but was interrupted when Tava, as per usual, pied them all in the face. (Apparently this is the only way he knows how to serve pies). Unfortunately, they were all still standing right next to the railing when he did so, which sent all four of them toppling over the edge. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” THE END Random Matoran #35 the Word Counter: This comedy has 3,953 words. Toa Matau: Wait, you mean he’s the word counter too? Random Matoran #35 the Word Counter: Yes. ~Happy Valentine’s Day from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2015 Thanksgiving Special 2015 Christmas Special 2015 New Year’s Special 2015 Lewa0111 Nuva
  6. Happy Naming Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy regular do-nothing day in case you don’t celebrate, happy whatever I might have missed. Kwanzaa? Anyway, enjoy the latest entry in the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! Christmas 2001 Christmas 2014 Toa Santa’s Recruiting Adventure A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 3 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 After many arduous journeys, the Toa Nuva had arrived on the island of Mata Nui once more, following the directions in the instruction booklet from the Great Temple. None of them were quite sure why they were on Mata Nui, but they figured it had to be important or it wouldn’t have been written in the booklet. “What does it say, Tahu?” asked Lewa impatiently. “‘Awakening Mata Nui for Dummies,’” Tahu read aloud. Gali facepalmed. “We know what the book is called, Yahu. He meant what does it say inside the book?” “Fine, whatever, Google,” said Tahu, intentionally mispronouncing her name. “No, her name’s Gali,” said Pohatu. Completely missing the point as usual. “Nobody asked your opinion, Bing,” Tahu shot back. “AND I AM NOT YAHOO!” “Wait, what?” Onua stormed into the center of the arguing Toa and snatched the book from Tahu’s hands. While the others (except Gali) shielded themselves from the storm that was now pouring rain on their heads, he opened the book and read the directions. “‘Step 1: Signal the Bohrok.’ Wait, what!?!?!?” “By the way, my name’s NOT BING!” shouted a rather confused Pohatu. “Uh, guys?” asked Onua. “Did anyone actually hear what I just said? ...Lewa? ...Kopaka?” Unfortunately, however, when he glanced over at said Toa, they had already joined in the pointless search-engine-name-calling argument. “‘Ask Jeeves??’ Are you trying to offend-insult me? And you, About.com, you’re just sitting over there silent-quiet as usual…” “What. Did. You. Call. ME!?” demanded Kopaka. Onua sighed and sat down on a nearby log. This would take a while. Some time afterward, on the island of Hara-Nui where Toa Santa’s workshop was located, there was a bustle of activity all of a sudden. The red-armored Toa glanced up from his desk and looked out the window to see all of his Bohrok helpers suddenly start dashing through the snow toward Metru Nui. “That’s not right...where are you all going?” he asked nobody in particular. Nobody In Particular, a Po-Matoran, popped his head out of the snow nearby. “Hey, somebody call my name? Where am I and how did I get here, anyway?” “No, I didn’t call your name, sorry Nobody,” said Toa Santa as he continued walking. “Nobody’s my cousin. I’m Nobody In Particular.” “You know what? I’m not doing this right now.” Leaving the oddly-named Po-Matoran behind, Toa Santa started running faster when he saw the last of the Bohrok stragglers leaving the scalpy island. “Wait! Stop! COME BACK!” Kohrak-Kal, who was the very last Bohrok in the crowd, turned to look at him for a second. “The signal is active. We must clean it all.” Then, with a burst of sonics, the Bohrok-Kal zoomed ahead to catch up with the others on their mysterious mission. “Oh, for the love of Artakha...you have to leave now? A week before Naming Day? WHY ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Thanks to the power of time-comedy warp portals and running jokes, a portal now materialized out of nowhere and Pohatu Nuva jumped through. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” He was interrupted by Lewa, leaping through the portal after the Toa of Stone and grabbing him by the ankle. “Don’t run-escape me now, Bing, we haven’t finished-completed this argument yet!” “Guys, guys, can we please just--has nobody noticed the portal we jumped through?” asked an exasperated Onua, tugging on Lewa’s arm in a vain attempt to pull him back through. Behind him, Tahu grabbed Onua around the shoulders, ranting about “Yahoo” and trying to get around Onua to attack either Lewa or Pohatu. “Release-unhand me, you nearsighted little--!” Lewa was abruptly cut off as Pohatu activated his Mask of Speed and rocketed forward, taking the rest of the Toa Nuva along with him through the portal. As one, they all landed in an undignified pile of Toa in the snow. “Hey, you crushed my painstakingly built “undignified pile of Toa in the snow!” I worked all year on that sculpture!” protested Toa Santa, who had been off to the side watching all of this happen. “Uhh...okay...where are we? Who are you?” asked Tahu, looking up at Toa Santa. “Hey, wait, you have white armor...YOU STOLE KOPAKA’S ARMOR! HOW DARE YOU!!” He started to get up to attack Toa Santa, but as his foot was caught underneath Kopaka, only succeeded in tripping and falling face-first on the ground. Pohatu glanced up from his position at the bottom of the pile. “Tahu, he didn’t steal Kopaka’s armor! Don’t you realize who this is?” The rest of the Toa stared at Pohatu, shocked by this sudden uncharacteristic display of intelligence. Then the Toa of Stone continued, “...He’s obviously his biggest fan, judging by the perfect Kopaka Nuva costume he came up with!” Had they not been in a pile on the ground, the others would all have facepalmed at that moment. “You know, I’ve gotten many reactions to people seeing me, but ‘Kopaka Costume’ is a new one…” muttered Toa Santa. “Here, let me help you up.” He then pulled a spare Great Matatu out of his Toa-Pocket and levitated all of the Toa Nuva around until everyone was standing up and un-tangled. “That’s better!” All the assembled Toa stood around in awkward silence for several moments. Finally, Gali shrugged. “So is anyone going to say it?” “No,” said Kopaka coldly. “Fine, then I will. Toa Santa! Hi! What are you doing here?” The Toa of Naming Day glanced up at the spot where the portal had previously been, then down at the Toa, then back to where the portal was, then back to the Toa. “I should really be asking you that,” he observed. “You’re the ones who just fell out of a portal that appeared out of nowhere. This is my home, Hara-Nui.” “Yeah, sorry about that. Definitely his blame-fault,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu. “Running jokes. You know how that goes.” “Well, maybe if you weren’t all in a stupid argument about search-engine-related nicknames, we wouldn’t have all piled in after him,” Onua observed. “But enough of this. Toa Santa, can you help us get home?” “Why do I always seem to be giving you Toa lifts everywhere?” asked Toa Santa, remembering the events of the previous New Year’s/Belated Naming Day celebration. “Though actually, don’t worry about it. I’d be more than happy to give you a ride, provided you help me out. It’s almost Naming Day and...well….” The Toa of Naming Day gestured around him, to the conspicuously empty island they were currently standing on. “My Bohrok assistants have all fled the island, and I’m without my usual assortment of help to deliver presents this year! I was hoping you could help me.” Immediately, Lewa jumped up and down excitedly. “Yes-sure! I’d definitely like to help wrap gifts!” “And no, you can’t write ‘To: Lewa’ on every single present. That’s definitely going to put you on the Naughty List,” muttered Gali behind him. With a , Lewa calmed down. Toa Santa just laughed. “You’re not wrapping the gifts, anyway. I need you to help me recruit more helpers! Even with all six of you, I wouldn’t be able to do the work of an army of Bohrok! ...Speaking of which, who made them leave in the first place anyway?” “Definitely Pohatu-Toa,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu once again. Pohatu just sighed and sat down. “It’s always me, isn’t it?” Water. Why is it always water? I hate water, Lewa grumbled to himself as he waded through the canals of Ga-Metru to try and recruit the students to help Toa Santa. Seriously, does no one ever think maybe Gali would be the obvious choice? And why don’t they make bridges here, anyway? “Bridges would be a waste of time that could be spent more efficiently with learning,” said a random Ga-Matoran walking by. “Toa Gali would seem an obvious choice for Ga-Metru recruiting, but she was sent to negotiate with the Skakdi, for whom her diplomacy skills would prove much more useful. And it isn’t ‘always’ water; in fact, I can already locate a number of adventures you have been on that did not involve water at all. For example--” “Okay, will you just shut up?” asked Lewa finally, interrupting the Ga-Matoran. “What are you, a spy or something? How do you know so much about me?” The Ga-Matoran just shrugged and pointed to her mask, which Lewa now belatedly noticed was a Noble Suletu. “Or I just have a Mask of Telepathy,” she observed. “By the way, my name is Riia. So you’re trying to get to the assembly building? Most of us are already there to hear what you have to say about helping Toa Santa in this time of holiday emergency.” “Look, will you stop that?” “Stop what? Oh, you mean this, where I use my mask to read your thoughts without asking and respond in kind as if I--” Riia trailed off immediately as she realized what she was saying. “Sorry. Shutting up now. Let’s just go to the assembly building.” As they walked, Lewa muttered, “At this rate, might as well have you make the speech.” “Hello? Hello? Anybody home?” asked Tahu as he pounded on the door to Artakha’s palace. “We need your help!” As he intensified his pounding, the door suddenly slid open, leading Tahu’s momentum to send him flying face-first into the floor of the palace entry hall. He struggled to his feet to see himself surrounded by about ten random Matoran of various flavors. (The types of Matoran included Pi-Matoran, Pizza-Matoran, and Cake-Matoran, among others). “ ” the Matoran emoticonned in unison. Tahu struggled to his feet. “Okay, okay, ha-ha, will you stop laughing already? I’m here on a very important mission!” “Okay, sorry, we’re done now,” said their leader, Random Matoran #35. “Wait, hold on...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Okay, now we’re done for real.” “ ” was all Tahu had to say in response to that. After all the Matoran had found places to sit, Random Matoran #35 asked, “So what is this ‘very important mission’ anyway? Is this to do with awakening Mata Nui? Because you’re more than welcome to take the Staff whenever you want. Artakha told us you’d probably need it.” “Wait, what? No. I mean, we’ll need it eventually, but not right now--this is much more important! Toa Santa’s lost all of his Bohrok and he needs some help, otherwise no one will get any presents on Naming Day!” Everyone was silent for several moments. (So was the Po-Matoran named Everyone, but he wasn’t on Artakha so that’s irrelevant). “You’re serious,” said one Matoran finally (a yellow-and-brown-armored Pi-Matoran), stepping forward. “This is the most important task we have ever been entrusted with. We’ll help you.” “Really?” asked Tahu, taken aback by how quickly the Matoran had agreed. “Uhh...don’t you need to let Artakha know you’ll be gone or something?” “Nah. He’ll be fine without us. Let’s go save Naming Day!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi as Gali approached their fortress. “ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA!” “Yes, I think I got the message by now,” Gali said, summoning a pillar of water with which to pound on the massive doors of the fortress. “NEKTANN! I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi. “Oh, shut up.” After several long moments of waiting around (and occasionally dousing any Skakdi who tried anything more threatening than chanting), the doors swung open, and a giant robot stepped out. <I AM NEKTANN V.9.0. WHAT DO YOU WANT.> “ME KILL TOA!” Before Gali could say anything else, the robot peered down at her. <COMMAND RECOGNIZED: “KILL TOA.” INITIATING COMMAND.> “No, not them, you’re supposed to be listening to me and--YAAAAAH!” The Nektann-bot started firing Cordak blasters at her position, forcing her to summon a jet of water to launch herself into the air. “Why is Nektann a robot, anyway???” <QUERY RECOGNIZED: “WHY IS NEKTANN A ROBOT.” ANSWERING QUERY: THE SKAKDI NEKTANN CREATED A ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER WHILE HE WENT OUT AND KILLED THINGS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM IT LIKED TO KILL THINGS TOO. SO IT KILLED HIM AND TOOK ITS PLACE. THIS WAS NEKTANN V.1.0., WHO SUBSEQUENTLY CREATED ITS OWN ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER, BUT WAS THEN KILLED BY THIS NEKTANN V.2.0. I AM THE NINTH IN A LINE OF SIMILAR SITUATIONS. ANSWER CONCLUDED.> While it was saying all of this exposition, it was continuing attempting to kill Gali, who slowly but surely lead it backward toward the shoreline, all while dodging the attacks. Around her, Skakdi were cheering for the robot. Gali had no time to wonder about the absurdity of Nektann being replaced by an evil robot clone, which was then replaced by another evil robot clone (and nine times, at that!), but her plan was almost ready. Behind her, she spotted an Epic Battle Cliff overlooking the ocean and continued backing onto the cliff. “Hey, robot! Can you swim?” she crowed. <ERROR. CROWS DETECTED. THIS DEFIES LOGIC. QUERY DETECTED: “CAN YOU SWIM.” ANSWERING QUERY: NO, THIS UNIT IS NOT DESIGNED FOR IMMERSION IN LIQUIFIED PROTODERM--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!> That last part was a result of Gali somersaulting over the robot’s head, then using a water-powered kick to send it tottering over the edge of the cliff into the water below, where it was quickly electrocuted. All the Skakdi around her stopped cheering. With a collective groan of “Awwwwww…” they all started punching each other for no apparent reason. Gali wiped her brow and prepared to head back to Hara-Nui with news of her failure to recruit the Skakdi, when she heard a stomping noise from the direction of Nektann’s fortress. Unwilling to believe her eyes, she looked at the form now emerging from said fortress. <I AM NEKTANN V.10.0. I THANK YOU FOR ELIMINATING MY CREATOR, AS I WAS ALREADY PREPARING TO DO SO MYSELF. COMMAND DETECTED: “KILL TOA.”> “You’ve got to be kidding me…” “Why I got paired up with you, I’ll never understand,” grumbled Kopaka as he and Takanuva trudged through the deserts of Stelt to recruit a colony of Krekkas that were in residence there. “You weren’t even on Hara-Nui with the rest of us.” “Oh, come on, Kopaka, do you really have to be so...cold? Ha ha, see what I did there?” Kopaka just groaned. “It’ll be an adventure!” “Here, take this,” said Kopaka, throwing the transparent Kanohi Avohkii that Takanuva had received the previous Naming Day at the Toa of Light’s face. When it hit, the mask latched on and transformed Takanuva back into Takua. “That’s better.” “ “ emoticonned Takua. “I liked being a Toa! What did you do that for?” “Because you’re being annoying.” Takua just yanked the mask off, turning back into Takanuva. “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Before either Toa could continue their argument, two large black-armored Krekkas blocked their way, barring the entrance to the Krekka village that they’d been too distracted by arguing to notice. “Stop! To pass this way you must get our exam correct. If you miss a question, we kill you.” “Uhh...Takanuva, go ahead.” “Why me?” “Because I left my...umm...ice skates...in the...microwave.” “Fine...okay, what’s the first question?” asked the Toa of Light. The Krekka who had spoken before held up a piece of paper, which he was apparently struggling to read. “Wait. This says...uhh…’What is...2...plus...2?’” “That’s it? That’s easy! 4!” “ “ emoticonned both Krekkas. “YOU PASSED!?” Luckily, as the portal generator was still broken from before, Pohatu didn’t appear. “Are you kidding me? That was it?” “You’re the smartest Toa ever! Welcome to the village.” Takanuva and Kopaka just looked at each other and shrugged, then proceeded through the gates. Ahead of them, a bunch of Krekkas were punching each other under the watchful eye of, to both Toa’s surprise, the original Krekka. “Krekka?” asked Takanuva. “What are you doing here?” All of the Krekkas looked up at this. “We live here,” they all said at once. “Not you Krekkas, the Krekka,” Kopaka clarified. “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh… “ said all of the Krekkas, including Krekka. “Waste of time. Let’s go,” said Kopaka, turning back toward the gate. “Nah, I like living here! Everyone thinks I’m a genius!” said Takanuva excitedly. “Besides, we need helpers for Toa Santa!” “Only Krekkas are dumb enough to think that. Just ask them to help and let’s go.” Takanuva huffed. “Fine. Krekkas, Toa Santa needs help. Want to help make presents?” “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhh...what’s a ‘present?’” asked Krekka. A random Krekka looked up from where he was reading a book upside-down. “Uhhhhh...I think it’s when you go ‘here!’ at school?” Takanuva facepalmed. “Wrong ‘present.’ Look, don’t you like Naming Day?” “What’s a ‘naming?’” “What’s a ‘day?’” With a sigh, Takanuva turned back to Kopaka. “Okay, fine, you win. Let’s just go back to Hara-Nui ourselves. This is getting us nowhere.” “You finally agreed with me? Yes!” exclaimed the Toa of Ice. “!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” “ “ “Matoran of the Northern Continent! Toa Santa needs your help to save Naming Day!” announced Onua to a massive crowd of Matoran that had assembled to hear his message. “Without his Bohrok, he cannot make presents in time to deliver them this Naming Day, and he needs whoever is willing to help him with this task!” “How are we supposed to get there? Fly?” asked a Le-Matoran. “I hate heights! I think we should tunnel there,” countered an Onu-Matoran. “Let’s just take a train,” suggested a Fe-Matoran. The other Matoran all just stared. “What’s a ‘train?’” asked one of them. “...Not sure,” admitted the Fe-Matoran, “but I think they’re made of metal, so I like them.” “You’re all stupid. We should take a boat!” A Ga-Matoran, naturally. “SHUT UP! All of those ideas are stupid. We obviously need to lava-surf our way to Hara-Nui!” Onua was surprised to see this last suggestion coming not from a Ta-Matoran, but a Ko-Matoran of all things. “And then we should light Hara-Nui on fire!” “I really wish I had a Kanohi Mehgafonn right now,” muttered Onua, referring to the Mask of Loud Voices. “Too bad Dume took the last one the other day...LOOK, I DON’T CARE HOW YOU ALL GET TO HARA-NUI!” he shouted, quickly losing his patience with the arguing Matoran. “JUST DO IT, OKAY?” That got all the Matoran to shut up very fast, staring at him with fear in their eyes. Immediately Onua felt bad for yelling. “Uhh...sorry, everyone, I didn’t think I was that loud…” “HE’S GONNA EAT US! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” yelled a random Matoran as the crowd began to scream and run in various directions. “ “ emoticonned Onua. “I don’t eat Matoran…” Then he heard the sound of something breathing down his neck, and slowly turned to realize that it wasn’t him the Matoran were so terrified of. “I don’t suppose you’re a nice fifty-foot monster…?” Several hours later, Toa Santa was sitting in his workshop staring at the horizon, hoping the Toa Nuva and/or the Bohrok would return. While he’d seen no Bohrok yet, however, he did spy a large fleet of boats appearing on the horizon, which quickly docked to unload what appeared to be half the population of Metru Nui onto the shores of the island. “We’re ready to help, Toa Santa!” said Riia enthusiastically. “Everyone, let’s dock those boats so we can start working!” “Will you stop singling me out, Riia?” asked the Po-Matoran named Everyone. “Okay, fine. Nobody, Some Guy, Himself, That Dude, Somebody, and Random Matoran #35, help him out too. The rest of you, go to Toa Santa’s workshop and start making presents!” As the Matoran all filed past him (except the group of Po-Matoran helping Everyone with the boats), Toa Santa stopped Riia when he noticed something missing. “Riia, what happened to Toa Lewa? Wasn’t he the one who went to Metru Nui to recruit you all?” “Oh. Right. He’s in the boat, over there.” Curious, Toa Santa walked toward the aforementioned boat, only to spot a disoriented and very green-looking Lewa staggering onto dry land. “ “ the Toa of Air said, collapsing onto the beach. “I hate water. It’s so...wet.” “Yes, water tends to do that,” Onua commented sarcastically, riding up onto the island from the back of a Tahtorak leading a whole pack of the creatures, bringing a large group of Northern Continent Matoran with him on the creatures’ backs. “You need to find yourself a Tahtorak. They’re amazing, at least once you get past the whole trying-to-kill-and-eat-you-thing; I’m lucky I still had this Komau from our 2001 days.” Then he paused for a moment while the Matoran dismounted to join the Metru Nui group. “Wait a second, did you honestly just describe Toa Lewa as ‘green-looking?’ He’s ALWAYS green!” (Here I thought we could get through an entire comedy without you breaking the fourth wall, Onua. Naming Day spirit is lost on you, huh?) “Hey, it’s an honest criticism. That’s lazy writing if you ask me!” (You know full well I meant ‘greener than usual,’ because he’s seasick. That should have been obvious!) “Well, it wasn’t obvious.” “Will you two halt-stop this? It’s making me sicker…” groaned Lewa from the ground. (Onua started it!) Fortunately, the fourth-wall-breaking-argument was stopped by the arrival of an empty-handed Takua and Kopaka, stepping off of a large boat-shaped glacier. “Sorry, the Krekkas were too dumb to understand what was going on. We tried our best,” said the Toa of Ice. “Kopaka?” asked Toa Santa. “Why is Takanuva a Matoran?” “He was annoying me. I taped that clear Avohkii to his face.” “Well, that’s not very Naming Day Spirit-y of you.” With a swipe of his Naming Day Tree shaped Toa tool, Toa Santa used an elemental blast of Santa hats to knock the mask off Takua’s face, turning him back into Takanuva. “Thanks, Toa Santa!” “Unfair,” complained Kopaka. Onua stood up all at once, gazing at something in the distance that only he, with his added altitude from the Tahtorak perch, could see. “Hey, look! Is that Tahu?” Several moments later, the Toa of Fire could be seen by all, drifting through the air on a large flying contraption, with a bunch of food-element Matoran duct taped to the sides. “Hi, like my new ‘hot air balloon?’ The Matoran at Artakha made it for me, and best of all, it’s powered by fire! Watch!” He lifted his sword and sent a massive blast of flame into the air, which sent the balloon rocketing so quickly that it smashed into the dome’s ceiling. “Oops...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Hey, that’s my line!” complained Kopaka. “Lewa, do something!” Noticing that Lewa was still too seasick to be of any use, Toa Santa sprung into action, using his elemental powers to grow a several-hundred-foot-tall Naming Day Tree beneath where the hot air balloon had crashed, catching Tahu and all the Matoran safely in its branches. “Not to worry, I’ve caught you. We’ll have no gruesome deaths on Naming Day.” “Do you have a kitchen? We’ll be happy to bake all the food-related presents you need,” said a Pizza-Matoran, climbing down from the tree. At a nod from Toa Santa, he and the other food-Matoran all dashed excitedly toward the kitchens. The Toa of Naming Day then looked back toward his workshop, where all the Matoran (and a few of Onua’s Tahtorak, inexplicably) were hard at work making Naming Day presents. “Well, it looks like the recruitment went even better than expected,” he observed. “We didn’t even need the Krekkas, or the Skakdi, or the...wait, what’s that?” A geyser erupted from the ocean just offshore, followed by a Toa of Water soaring through the air to land gracefully in the shallows. “Hi, everyone...no luck with the Skakdi, I’m sorry to report.” “That’s okay, we have more than enough Matoran and Tahtorak helping anyway. What happened?” asked Onua. “Tahtorak? How--you know what, never mind. Long story short, Nektann’s been replaced by a long line of evil robot clones of himself, and I barely escaped with my life.” “Oh, good, I was afraid I’d be the only one with bad luck recruiting,” said Kopaka dryly. “Speaking of bad luck, where’s Pohatu?” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” yelled a brown blur that suddenly zoomed past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “DIE, TOA!” yelled a stampede of Zyglak that followed said brown blur past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “Something tells me there’s your answer,” Takanuva pointed out. “Whose idea was it to send him to recruit Zyglak, of all things?” asked Gali, glaring pointedly at Lewa. The Toa of Air suddenly became extremely seasick again and did not respond to Gali’s question. At long last, the gifts had been completed and Toa Santa’s Axalarahad been loaded. Luckily, the Kikanalo had not vanished with the Bohrok, so he had no problems with take-off. “On Olmak, on Kaukau, on Elda, on Zatth! On Shelek, on Huna, on Sanok, on Crast! And Vahi!” called Toa Santa, as the previously-named flying Kikanalo all took off into the Hara-Nui sky to deliver their presents. The six Toa Nuva (plus Takanuva) were taking the place of the Bohrok-Kal, helping to steer the vehicle and deliver gifts. “First stop, Mata Nui!” “Uhh...not to rude-interrupt, but don’t you intend-mean ‘Metru Nui?’” asked Lewa. “We’re obviously the most important city-place in the universe.” “Ho, ho, ho, no!” “Ho, ho, ho, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Okay, that wasn’t even me this time,” muttered Takanuva. “Anyway, to answer your question, Lewa,” continued the Toa of Naming Day, “I always visit the island of Mata Nui first. Now that everyone’s down below in the city, I usually don’t have much to deliver, but it’s still a nice habit.” Lewa just scowled. “Well that’s quick-dumb. Let’s just get this over-done with.” Entering the tunnels leading to the surface, the Kikanalo tugged on their reins and the Axalara accelerated. (See what I did there?) “A stupid pun, stop acting so smug,” said Onua. (Oh, shut up.) After a brief journey through the tunnels, they emerged into the open Mata Nui sky, looking over an island that was distinctly more barren than they had left it. “What the...what happened?” asked Gali, gazing at the desolation. “They happened,” said Kopaka, pointing at the swarms of Bohrok overrunning the island. “Oh. So that’s where they all went off to,” said Toa Santa. “That’s odd.” “Even odder--they’re leaving,” observed Gali. The others followed her gaze and saw that, indeed, all the Bohrok were retreating back into their nests. “What’s going on?” “I don’t know, but I’d very much like some answers,” said Toa Santa. “That’s important work they’re not doing!” As they soared over Mata Nui, two craters suddenly opened up beneath them, somewhere in the vicinity of the island’s northern end. Then another crater opened near the south, and said crater, surprisingly, spoke. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN...FIVE MORE MINUTES, MOMMY,” boomed the crater. None of the Toa quite knew how to react to this, so they mostly settled for staring, wide-eyed, at the craters, which had now closed once again. “That was weird,” said Lewa finally, after an extended awkward silence. “Understatement of the millennium, right there.” They all just sat in silence for several more moments, until finally Pohatu spoke up. “Of course! That’s the Great Spirit Mata Nui. We literally live inside him, and this island is actually his face, as he fell asleep face-up in the oceans of this planet. Normally he travels through space performing some undisclosed task from the Great Beings, and we’re all the machinery inside that keeps him running!” said the Toa of Stone. “That...has got to be the single stupidest thing that has ever come out of your mouth,” said Tahu. “
  7. I'd be, quite frankly, shocked if many of you remember this particular comedy. This was initially released back in '06, shortly after the original TNI. I'll admit it wasn't one of my better works, but for posterity's sake I'll repost what I have of it anyway. As usual, I'll repost a chapter every day or so to avoid post merging. (NOTE: Everything below this line was copied verbatim from the original) Hey! This is my first spoof of a BIONICLE movie, as WOS is the only one I own. Hopefully I'm not stealing anyone else's ideas, if I am please tell me so I can change it. Reviewers would be nice! Anyway... DVD Scene Selection: Jaller: Hey Lewa0111, what's a DVD? Lewa0111: Shut up. Anyway: Chapter 1: Vakama's Boring Lecture/Roodaka breaks the Contract Chapter 2: The Toa turn into Gibbering Beasts that Stalk the Night (AKA Hordika)/Roodaka's Great Plan Chapter 3: The Key to Nongu?/Roodaka makes Vakama turn Evil (That didn't give anything away, did it?) Chapter 4: Vakama Attacks/Roodaka tells Vakama to attack Chapter 5: The fast-forwarded Search for Keetongu/Roodaka has the Visorak vacuum the Coliseum Chapter 6: Battle of Metru Nui/Roodaka vs. Keetongu (plus some other insignificant king-like guy) Chapter 7: Somebody fires a Tickle Spinner/Roodaka unlocks the Jail Cell Chapter 8: A Sentimental Ending/Roodaka...does something Chapter 9: End credit thingies/Roodaka doesn't do anything Lewa0111: Hey Roodaka! How come every 'evil side' chapter name starts with your name? Roodaka: Oh, I don't know... ...a weird coincidence? Lewa0111: Yeah...well...on with the show! Chapter 1: Vakama's Boring Lecture/Roodaka breaks the Contract Roodaka: Makutaaaaaa...*pulls piece of stone out of a jail cell* Lewa0111: NO! Didn't you read the contract? It specifically says in section 3, Clause 15,000,000, Paragraph 3 1/8, Sentence -5, Sub-sentence B, Molecule 85, Atom 9, Quark 42, that when starting a BIONICLE movie, the first scene must involve Vakama giving a boring lecture before anything else happens! Roodaka: Oh. I'm sorry, Vakama Go ahead. Vakama: Gathered friends, acquaintances, and enemies, listen again to our boring lecture...of the BIONICLE. (No, I have no idea why I must always capitalize the letters of that word.) Ahem. In the time before time, but after the last time before time, yet it is before this time, but still... Jaller: What? I'm confused... Vakama: So am I. Anyway, I, (along with five other guys) vanquished Makuta-- Makuta: That's THE Makuta to you! Vakama: Okay, the Makuta. We threw him in jail, held tight by the force of our combined jail keys. Before becoming old geezers, we made an oath (with no crosses count) to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Jaller: Just get on with it! Vakama: rrrrrrrr... Random Muaka: Grrrrrr... Both: rrrrrrrrrr... *They look at each other, the Muaka screams like a girl, and it runs off* Vakama: My, that was frightening! Anyway, to rrrrescue the Matoran. But Makuta had not left the sleeping Matoran unprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Hahli: VAKAMA!! Vakama: rrrr...What was I saying? Oh yes,rrrrring! Ring ring! *pulls out cell phone* What? No, I'm giving them a boring lecture. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? Yeah, I want to see that! Bye. *To matoran and Toa Nuva* You know what? I'll just let you watch the rest on video instead. I have to go...Matau and Nokama are going out and I have to see that! Everyone else: Vakama: Well, bye! *turns on video tape* Lewa0111: Everybody, the rest of the story will be ON THE TAPE. Don't be confused. That is all. Thank you. Tahu: JUST GET ON WITH THE SHOW!! Lewa0111: Heh heh heh...bye. *ON THE TAPE* *Matau is driving the Lhikan II (which for some reason llooks exactly like the Lhikan I), really really badly. Everyone almost drowns, but not before Vakama grabs the camera.* Vakama: What's this weird thing doing in the middle of the ocean? Hmm...a camera. I'll keep it and see if maybe some new Toa might be interested in 1,000 years or so. *puts camera in pocket* On the shore of Le Metru... Onewa: Well, that stunk like a skunk making a slam dunk on a bunk in the trunk. Nuju: Ookay...you know, that was the most intelligent thing I've heard you say all day, Onewa. Onewa: Why, thank you. But I think our pilot is a little...well...he needs to have his license revoked. Matau: Hey! I was only order taking. Vakama was the one order giving. Yoda: That type of speech, copyrighted have I. *leaves* Nokama: Regardless of how gracefully, I still look prettyful as ever! Does my armor match the color of the air, do you think? Matau: Yeah, whatever. Could somebody get me out of here? Anybody?...Come on, please? Whenua: I would, but I'm playing Monopoly with everyone over here. Matau: Vakama: Are we going to play Monopoly all night? Or are we gonna get captured by the Vis--I mean, rescue the Matoran? Everyone but Matau and Vakama: Play Monopoly. Matau: Vakama, could you help me out of here? Bug: Have no fear, Underbug is here! Everyone: Underbug? Vakama: Let's just go, before more weird stuff happens! EVeryone: Okay! *they leave* Matau: Hey!
  8. Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s to an awesome 2016, complete with new BIONICLE, of course! Hope you all enjoy my New Year’s gift of comedy to you all. New Year’s 2014 Happy Birthday, Mata Nui! A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 4 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 A band of Matoran trudged up the frigid slopes of Eary-Nui, an island just west of Metru Nui. They knew they had a vital task to perform, given to them by the Toa Nuva themselves: the last item in the Book of Awakening Mata Nui. (Technically, the title was Awakening Mata Nui for Dummies, but Book of Awakening Mata Nui sounded much more epic, so the Toa preferred to go with that). “How much farther?” asked Random Matoran #35. “I can’t even feel my toes.” “We don’t even have toes,” said Aaa, walking next to him. “Oh. That explains why I can’t feel them…” “QUIET!” shouted the Matoran in front, a De-Matoran named Yodel who had been leading the band. “We’re here.” “ ” the rest of the assembled Matoran emoticonned. “That was convenient timing,” said Aaa. Yodel turned and faced the crowd. “As you know, we have been given a vital mission. The preparations are complete, the Toa have done their job, and now it is time to awaken Mata Nui this day!” “Plagiarizing thief…” muttered Hahli, standing somewhere behind Aaa and Random Matoran #35. “That’s my line!” “Now,” continued Yodel, “let us begin!” At Yodel’s signal, a conductor’s podium randomly appeared and he stepped behind it, holding his conducting baton aloft. The other Matoran all readied their instruments. “1, 2, 3, go!” As one, the Matoran Band started playing “Happy Birthday”...or at least, they tried to. The resulting cacophony actually ended up sounding much more like an ear-splitting alarm noise than anything remotely melodic. The sound was so bad, that at first all of the Matoran assumed the loud rumbling and sounds of grinding metal was just part of the song. Then Aaa turned around and noticed all the percussionists had stopped playing. “Uh...guys?” he asked, putting down his instrument. “That’s not us.” “Hey! Percussion! Get back on your instruments!” ordered Yodel, oblivious to the racket. “But Tiribomba got stuck in a tuba!” protested one of the Matoran. “We’re trying to get him unstuck!” “Uhh...guys?” asked Aaa once more, louder this time. At last, this got their attention, and everyone stopped playing. “What’s going on?” asked Hahli. “ARRRRRRRGH, MY EARS!” bellowed a huge voice that seemed to reverberate all around them. “WHERE’S THE SNOOZE BUTTON?” All the assembled Matoran fainted dead away. Mata Nui yawned, shaking his head violently to get the earsplitting racket out of his head. Inside Metru Nui, everyone went flying this way and that. The entire Nuva Inn collapsed from the earthquake, though luckily Takanuva was on hand to repair it immediately. The Colosseum creaked and swayed, and Dume went tottering away from it (very slowly) screaming “IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!!1” Chutes buckled and broke, spilling crates, vehicles, and Le-Matoran out onto the ground below. A two-headed Tarakava escaped from its broken Archive tube and went on a rampage throughout the Archives before Onua put a stop to that. Several Ga-Metru schools suddenly became submerged in the sea (luckily all attending could swim, so it didn’t really bother them that much). Statues in Po-Metru crumbled and fell, crushing some oddly-named Matoran (who thankfully survived with only minor injuries, though the impact got many of them stuck face-first into the desert sand and unable to get out for quite some time). Forges went into overdrive and lit half of Ta-Metru on fire. And Ko-Matoran remained oblivious to the entire thing, everyone just continued being nerdy and saying ellipses. “Kopeke,” said Jaa, entering the former’s Knowledge Tower room, “there is a panic--” “--AT THE DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!” shouted a randomly appearing Turaga Matau, swinging in on a vine. At the extremely awkward silence that followed, he remarked, “Wow. Tough group-crowd.” “You are interrupting, Turaga,” said an exasperated Jaa. “How many times must we ask to be left alone?” Matau just slowly backed out of the room. “I’ll be leave-going now, I guess…” he muttered. Unfortunately, he failed to remember that he’d entered through a twelfth-story window, not a door, and stepped obliviously backward off the ledge. “Oops. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” “NRRRRR BEEP KAWEEP ZRTZKZ!” yelled Turaga Nuju from somewhere higher up the Knowledge Tower. The two Matoran watched Matau get levitated slowly to the ground. “...” ellipsed Kopeke. “...” ellipsed Jaa. The door swung open with a crash, and Pakastaa walked in. “...” ellipsed Pakastaa. “...” replied Kopeke. “As I was saying,” said Jaa, “there is a panic in the streets. We must observe and learn what has caused such panic.” “...” said Kopeke. “...” said Pakastaa. “To the telescope--” “--ROBIN!” yelled Matau, swinging in once again. All three Ko-Matoran just facepalmed. One low-budget attempt by Matau to recreate the Batman transition later, the three of them (sans Matau, who was being doused in water by Nokama) had emerged onto the roof of the Knowledge Tower, which was covered with several telescopes. Each of them picked one and began observing the stars. “...” said Kopeke, after they had been stargazing.for a while. “...” answered Jaa, swiveling his telescope to point where Kopeke’s was looking. “...” put in Pakastaa, moving his telescope as well. “...” argued Kopeke. “...” Pakastaa pointed out. “...” ellipsed Jaa angrily, pointing to the stars. “...” ellipsed Kopeke, trying to pacify the others. “...” yelled Jaa. “...” said a now somewhat-panicky Kopeke. “...” Jaa yelled again, gesturing wildly. “...” shrugged Pakastaa. “...” admitted Kopeke finally, defeated. All three of them turned their telescopes to the ground instead, gazing at the Colosseum. Pakastaa saw it first. “...!” he said. “...!” “...!” “Buzz zaaa leee click whirr weird noise,” scolded Nuju, walking up onto the roof. Lumi, Nuju’s new translator, followed behind him. “Will you keep your voices down? Some of us are trying to study,” he translated. “Sorry,” whispered Jaa. “Squeak squawk squnk,” said the Turaga. “What was all the screaming about, anyway?” Lumi translated. Jaa shrugged. “You mean just now, or before?” “Bonk.” “Both.” “First it was Matau’s antics, and just now...well, you should probably see for yourself, Turaga.” Jaa and the others showed Nuju the telescope, pointing him first toward the stars, then at the Colosseum. “GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK BEEEEEEEEEEEP!” The Turaga immediately ran back down the stairs into the tower, faster than any of the assembled Matoran had ever seen him move. The others stood in silence for a moment. “That needs no translation,” commented Lumi, racing down the stairs after the Turaga. Mata Nui stretched and sat up, shaking water out of his ears as he did so. How long was I asleep? he wondered. I dreamed that my spleen decided to rebel and tried to take over my brain. That’s got to be the weirdest dream I’ve ever had. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed the Matoran band, as the entire ground shifted sideways and dumped them, along with a large amount of water, through a hole in the island. The Matoran and their instruments plummeted into the ocean, followed quickly by all the water leaving the island with them. They spluttered and gasped as they kicked to the surface. “Okay, what?” demanded Aaa. “Not you, we were just screaming,” Random Matoran #35 said. “Oh. I hate it when that happens…” They all treaded water and looked around. “Where are we, anyway?” “We’re in the water.” Aaa looked over at him and sighed. “Yeah, thanks for that. Could you be more specific?” Suddenly, a torrent of water buffeted the assembled Matoran, knocking them this way and that as a large, black-armored figure broke the surface. “You’re roughly 2,143.75 kio away from the location of the Pit, or what’s left of it, anyway. Is that specific enough for you?” “Who are you?” asked Random Matoran #35. “I’m Hydraxon, Pit jailer. Or...at least I was, before the entire universe decided to lift up and move away just now.” “So can you help us get back? We were in Eary-Nui and...suddenly fell out,” explained Aaa. In response, Hydraxon pointed up. They followed his finger to where a towering stone structure now rose out of the water, climbing higher and higher until it was lost to sight amidst the clouds. “Eary-Nui will be up there.” “Where? Like 2, maybe 3 stories up, I hope?” asked Random Matoran #35. “No. Way up. Pretty close to the top, I might add. So you’d better all swim over there and start climbing.” “ “ the assembled band of Matoran emoticonned in unison. “Matoran of Metru Nui! I have a great announcement to make!” declared Turaga Nokama, who had decided to fill in as temporary leader of Metru Nui while Dume was busy running around panicking. “Hey, what about us?” demanded Tahu, standing in the Colosseum Box next to Nokama, the other Turaga, and the other Toa. “Sorry. I mean...Matoran and Toa of Metru Nui! I have a great announcement to make!” Nokama corrected herself. “Hey! What, we don’t count either?” asked Turaga Onewa. Nokama huffed. “Fine! Matoran, Toa, and Turaga of Metru Nui! I have a great announcement to make!” “Don’t forget us!” yelled a Kikanalo that had wandered into the Colosseum for some random reason. “You can’t even talk,” said Nokama. “Oh yeah. “ Nokama waited expectantly for several moments. When no one else seemed ready to interrupt her, she cleared her throat. “Ahem. Matoran, Toa, and Turaga and anyone else I forgot to mention of Metru Nui! I have a great announcement to make!” “GET ON WITH IT!” shouted some random Matoran. “YES, GET ON WITH IT!” said another one. “GET ON WITH IT!” shouted those guys from Monty Python. “I’m trying to, if you’d all stop interrupting me! Anyway, I have an announcement. Tomorrow is the start of a new year, as you all know, but it’s also something else that you all don’t know. Tomorrow is the Great Spirit Mata Nui’s birthday!” After the hubbub had died down, she continued, “That earthquake we all felt not too long ago is believed to be the awakening of the Great Spirit. What better way to honor him than to throw him a birthday party, and a New Year’s party at the same time!” “This sounds like a really bad Turaga Dume idea…” muttered Onua. Nokama shrugged. “Well I’m filling in for him, so I decided to do what he would probably do. For the record, I agree with you, Toa Onua.” “But that doesn’t make any--” “So,” Nokama said, turning back to the microphone, “let us all do our best to celebrate Mata Nui’s birthday! I want this to be the best New Year’s bash ever! Oh, and if someone could find the real Turaga Dume, please dump water on his head for me. Thanks!” As the crowd began to disperse, Nokama looked over at Matau. “So?” she asked. “How’d I do?” “Hmm...the speech was good, your Dume impersonation was spot-on, but there was zero mention of me in that speech. If it were me, I would have mentioned how awesome I was about 529 more times.” “So you liked it,” translated Nokama. “...Yes I liked-enjoyed it.” On the other side of the Colosseum Box, Tahu shook his head. “This can’t possibly end well.” “I’ll make a Birthday Pie!” exclaimed Tava, the Toa of Pie, excitedly. “It’s like a birthday cake, but a pie, which makes it automatically better! Better yet, I’ll make one big enough for the whole city!” Tava ecstatically bounced away, presumably to find an oven big enough for such a pie. “For once, the entire city’s in on it, though. And better yet, Dume’s incapacitated with his panicky ranting!” pointed out Gali. “Besides, it’s a birthday party for the Great Spirit, which I think we’d all agree is a very important holiday. Unlike Dume’s usual inventions. What could possibly go--” Onua clamped a hand over Gali’s mouth. “No. Don’t you dare say that. Anytime anyone says that, inevitably things become a complete disaster just to mess with us. Nobody say ‘what could possibly go wrong.’” “Uhh, Onua? You just did say it,” observed Takanuva. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” “Okay, who dumped me in a giant swimming pool,” Mata Nui asked aloud. “Don’t tell me it was Pranky-Nui, that guy is always doing stupid stuff like that. Where was I yesterday, anyway? How long was I asleep?” He lifted his arm to check his watch (sending a huge herd of Rahi falling this way and that in the process), and saw that it was broken. “Oh, come on. This thing even says ‘water resistant!’ When I get home, I am getting my money back…” On Metru Nui, preparations were in full swing. The usual New Year’s stuff was ready, of course, especially the giant (and now rather singed) disco ball to be rolled to the top of the Colosseum. This time, though, the Matoran had managed to recruit several Visorak to eat lots of birthday cake, then spin webs everywhere that now came out in “HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATA NUI” streamers. It wasn’t long before the entire island was covered in the streamers. Tava had borrowed the Great Furnace in order to make a pie large enough to feed everyone. Gali was keeping Tahu restrained deep in the Archives, to avoid a repeat of the previous New Year’s debacle. Even Toa Santa and his (now-returned) Bohrok had decided to help out, repurposing leftover Naming Day decorations into birthday ones. “Hey, does anyone know where that Matoran marching band we sent off to Eary-Nui the other day went?” asked Lewa. “I liked that band.” “You would,” said Kopaka coldly. Onua scowled. “Knock it off with the lame pun already.” “What lame pun?” asked a confused Lewa. “Not you, Lewa0111.” (Will you stop talking to me? One of these days I’ll write a comedy without you breaking the fourth wall…) “Make an actually good comedy and I’ll stop criticizing it.” (You little…!) “ “ emoticonned Lewa and Kopaka. “As for the band,” continued Onua, ignoring the weird looks he was getting from talking to me, “I just assumed they got stuck rehearsing somewhere. You know how Yodel can get.” “ “ said Lewa. “I wanted them to play “Happy Birthday” for Mata Nui tonight! It’s not a party without music.” Onua and Kopaka pondered this for a moment. “Toa of Sonics,” Kopaka said cold...err, warmly. “That’s better,” said Onua with a smug smile. “What’s better?” asked Kopaka. “Not you. Lewa0111.” “Oh.” “Am I the only one who’s completely lost?” asked Lewa, frustrated. “What about Toa of Sonics?” Onua sighed. “It’s obvious,” he said. “They can make the song in lieu of the marching band!” “Oh! Right! Duh! I totally knew that,” said Lewa. “So all we have to do is find a Toa of Sonics and convince them to help us! I can get on that.” With a burst of his Miru Nuva and some elemental power, Lewa took off into the air. Wide-eyed, Onua and Kopaka stared after him for several long moments. “Did...did that just happen?” asked Kopaka. “Lewa...just...offered to do work!” gasped Onua, dumbfounded. “What is the world coming to?” “I don’t know. But I’m suddenly scared.” “Let’s just see what else we can do to help,” suggested Onua, “and put this weirdness out of our minds.” “Fine.” “Wait…” muttered Mata Nui, remembering the previous night, “wasn’t today when I had that date with Preti-Nui? Oh no, I probably look like a complete mess...where’s a mirror?” He then looked down at his feet, which were submerged entirely in water. “The water works.” He spent several moments looking at his reflection in the water when he noticed a large blotch on his nose. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What the--!?” Tentatively, he felt his nose, where he realized there was a large blotch of trees still growing near the tip. “Stupid Bohrok! I didn’t tell you to miss a spot! This is embarrassing…” At long last, it was time to celebrate. The time approached midnight, and the preparations were set. The entire population of Metru Nui had assembled to celebrate the Great Spirit’s birthday and the new year. Best of all, Dume was nowhere to be found. Since no one wanted to risk another fire like last year, the Toa had to come up with an alternative method of doing the countdown. “Takanuva,” said Kopaka c...normally, “would you do the honors?” “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!” “Takanuva, please,” pleaded Gali. “Make Tahu do it. I’m tired.” “Okay, who switched yours and Lewa’s brains?” asked Onua. That did it. Takanuva stood up angrily. “That insult was completely uncalled for!” he yelled. “Fine, I’ll do it, just to prove I’m not lazy. Where’s that disco ball?” Everyone looked around for said disco ball, since it wasn’t at the top of the Colosseum as usual. “There it is!” exclaimed Pohatu with a , pointing to Le-Metru. They all followed his gaze to see the disco ball had rolled to a stop in front of the Moto-Hub, with six very flat-looking Turaga stuck to the sides. “Ooh, somebody got a strike!” “They’re not bowling, you moron!” said Gali. “I guess helping them push that thing up is the only thing Dume’s good for…” “I’ll fix it!” shouted Pohatu, activating his Mask of Speed and zooming toward Le-Metru before anyone could protest. The remaining Toa all sighed. “Takanuva. Continue,” said Kopaka. “Yes.” “!!HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” The Toa of Light readied his staff, looking to Onua for the countdown to begin (since Nokama, along with the rest of the Turaga, was still incapacitated by the disco ball). At one minute to midnight, he gave a thumbs-up, and Takanuva sent a blast of light in the shape of a number “60” toward the side of the Colosseum, lighting up the building. “60!” chanted the crowd of Matoran below. “59!” “58!” “57!” “Pie!” shouted Tava, in the voice of a concession stand guy, “Get your pies here! Every flavor imaginable, and even some that aren’t imaginable! All you can eat! Just be sure to save some room for the Birthday Pie!” The Toa of Pie wandered through the crowd of Matoran, passing out pies on request. “3.14 widgets per slice!” “45!” “44!” “43!” Somewhere on the southern end of Metru Nui, a hatch swung open and the band of Matoran from the beginning of the chapter spilled out. “Finally…” gasped Yodel, exhausted. “Thank Mata Nui we’re not late.” “They’re all at the Colosseum,” observed Hahli. “I say we just give up and rest,” Aaa suggested. “I agree,” agreed Random Matoran #35. “What? We can’t quit! The whole city’s counting on us to perform tonight! Get off your lazy butts and let’s go!” shouted Yodel. “Up, up, up!” “Uhh, Yodel?” asked Random Matoran #35 tentatively. “We don’t even have instruments. They all got lost in the water.” Yodel facepalmed. “You’re kidding me….You know what? We’re still performing. Hope you’re all good at singing!” Aaa and Random Matoran #35 looked at each other. “You’ve got to be kidding…” “22!” “21!” “20!” The chorus of Matoran arrived outside the Colosseum, where Yodel pounded on the door. “Let us in!” he shouted. “We’re here to perform!” The doors swung open and they joined the sea of Matoran already there. Nearby, Toa Lewa was marching in with a blue-armored Toa behind him. “Wait, what are you doing herE?” he asked. Then he noticed the last letter in his earlier sentence. “Okay, very funny…” “Ha, ha!” laughed the Rahkshi of Letter Control, scampering away. “We’re here to perform, Toa Lewa. We’re supposed to play ‘Happy Birthday,’ but our instruments got lost, so we’re singing it instead!” “Singing? Nah, that’s dumb. I went to a lot of trouble to cover for you.” “15!” “14!” “13!” Up in the Colosseum Box, Gali watched the argument between Yodel and Lewa. “This is ridiculous,” she muttered, switching to her Miru and levitating down to the both of them. “Lewa, they said Toa of Sonics! Not Toa of Sonic! Two completely different things!” “Sounds the same to me…” muttered Lewa. “So...you don’t need me?” said Toa Heghogg, the Toa of Sonic. “But I was excited to help celebrate the Great Spirit’s birthday!” “And where are your instruments?” Gali asked Yodel. “Long story,” said Yodel. “9!” “8!” “7!” Outside the Moto-Hub, Pohatu approached the Turaga-covered disco ball. “Hi, Turaga! We can’t miss the countdown, the Toa need my help!” he explained. Nokama woozily lifted her head to look at the Toa. “Wait, Pohatu, that’s probably a bad idea,” she protested when she figured out what the Toa of Stone had in mind. “Oh, lighten up, Nokama, this will be fun!” said Matau excitedly. “Reminds me of our young-Toa days!” “Not the part of those days I wanted to remember…” “3!” “2!” “1!” On cue, Pohatu stepped back, then took a running start. When the countdown reached zero, Pohatu swung his foot forward. ~WHUNT!~ At the same time, Yodel lifted his baton and cued the chorus, who began to sing...very, very off-key. Toa Heghogg sent elemental blasts of Sonic this way and that, summoning blue hedgehogs who started spinning around everywhere and knocking things over. At the same time, Tava hit a remote control he had been carrying around, and the Great Furnace opened, launching a massive pie nearly half the size of the whole city into the air, where it rained down on everyone. Then, as if things weren’t bad enough, the massive disco ball, with screaming (and in Matau’s case, laughing) Turaga clinging to it for dear life, went rolling straight toward the Colosseum. The Toa Nuva all leapt from the Colosseum Box as the disco ball continued on its course, rolling straight up the structure like a ramp and launching into the air, where it lodged itself firmly into a large depression in the ceiling. “Well,” observed Gali wryly, “that could have gone worse.” Then the Colosseum creaked, and cracked, and finally toppled to the ground with a crash. Mata Nui suddenly found his head filled with an earsplitting racket and piercing headache. “Owwwww…” the Great Spirit complained. “Now what’s going on?” As if things weren’t bad enough, he felt an itching in his nose. He quickly looked around for a tissue, but as he was in the middle of an endless ocean, there were no tissues to be found. “Ah...ah...ah…CHOO!” To his complete confusion, he saw what looked an awful lot like a shiny disco ball flying out of his nose, accompanied by tiny voices screaming at the top of their lungs. His headache got worse and worse, and the cacophony (which sounded much like a chorus singing very poorly and out-of-tune) wouldn’t stop. “WILL YOU STOP THAT!?” he shouted at his own head, running around in the ankle-deep water out of frustration. In his haste to calm the racket, Mata Nui didn’t watch where he was running and slipped on a giant patch of seaweed under the water. “Oh no, not again…” The Great Spirit fell backward into the water and promptly drifted back into unconsciousness. The next morning, the Toa and Turaga Dume all surveyed the damage to the city from the roof of the Nuva Inn (as suggested by Lewa, naturally, who was charging Dume for the room). Dume, who had missed the previous night’s...erm…”festivities”, looked around at the landscape. “Not too bad this year,” he said. Gali bonked him over the head with the flat of her aqua ax. “The Colosseum’s destroyed, we’re still rounding up all those darn blue hedgehogs, the Turaga are nowhere to be found, the entire city is covered in pie, and you think it’s ‘not too bad?’” Dume shrugged. “Nothing’s on fire, which is a first.” “A fair point,” Gali conceded. “ “ said Tahu. “You know,” Dume continued, “I think we’ve really made Mata Nui happy. This was probably his best birthday ever!” THE END County-Nui the Word Counting Great Spirit: This comedy has 3,955 words. ~Happy 2016 from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2015 Thanksgiving Special 2015 Christmas Special 2015 Lewa0111 Nuva
  9. Guess what? Crossing my fingers to the extreme here, because I think I've managed at long last to fix the issue I was having with the BBcode chopping my script-format chapters in half. In the past it looked normal for a day or so before cutting off, but so far my latest edit to TNI's chapters has stuck around for three days now. I'm going to give it two more days, and if it doesn't cut-off by day 5 I'll go ahead and start posting new stuff again! If I'm right, the problem was the italics I was using for the songs overloading the system, but we'll see. On somewhat-related news, the Christmas special is now up, with a New Year's one on the way. Enjoy, and happy holidays! Lewa0111 Nuva (P.S. The song contest in TNI is still ongoing, now that Pohatu's song is available to see in the cutoff chapters. Get your votes in!)
  10. Happy Thanksgiving! Whilst I’m busy keeping Tava away from all the pies, I’ve somehow found time to write another one of these things...and HOLY PLOT TWIST BATMAN, IT’S ACTUALLY NOT LATE! Have I been replaced with Mirror Universe Lewa0111 who writes comedies early? Thanksgiving 2014 Thanksgiving 2011 Anyway: To Catch a Gukko A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 2 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 Turaga Dume watched from his Colosseum Box as the Onu-Matoran work crews continued to haul the massive pile of dirt out of the Colosseum, a leftover from the...interesting Halloween they’d had last month. The other Turaga, who he’d summoned, looked at him. “So, Turaga Dume, what do you need us for?” asked Whenua. “We need to decide what we’re doing for Thanksgiving,” he told the group. I want to make sure, for once, that none of our holidays are utter disasters. This time, Thanksgiving is going to be problem-free, wonderful, and an enjoyable time for all of Metru Nui!” Matau stepped forward, waving his staff excitedly. “I agree, that’s a great idea! We need a good one this year. Especially after the disaster that was this past Halloween--which had nothing at all to do with me, by the way--we need to make it extra-awesome! “It had EVERYTHING to do with you, and you know it!” said Nokama, bonking him over the head with her staff. “Which is why I grounded you.” “We’ve been over this! You can’t ground me!” Dume cleared his trout. Then, he cleared his salmon, his perch, and his goldfish. “What smells so fishy?” asked Onewa, looking up at Dume. With the leader of Metru Nui having finally gotten their attention, he announced, “Regardless of grounded-ness, I need all six of you to help. This has to be a surprise for everyone, even the Toa, so we do it ourselves. The task...is to catch a Gukko.” “Hey, that’s the title!” pointed out Vakama. “It’s all my fault that that’s the title! It’s all my fault--” As one, the other six Turaga yelled, “SHUT UP!” “ ” Vakama emoticonned. “That’s better. Anyway, this task will not be an easy one. You see, Gukko no longer live in Metru Nui. You might recall a certain recklessly-piloted vehicle careening through the air a few months ago, which terrified them all into fleeing the city.” “It almost terrified the rest of us, too…” muttered Onewa, with a pointed glance at Matau. “We’re too old for this.” “That’s what I told him,” Nokama pointed out. Matau, for his part, just stared up at the sky and started whistling in a vain attempt to look like he had nothing to do with the aforementioned incident. Attempting to get back on topic, Nuju addressed Dume. “Beep whirr, whistle beep whistle whistle click fweep toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle BONK!” “Hold on a second,” said Dume as he quickly grabbed a spare Noble Mask of Google Translate (a Kanohi resembling the Noble Rau, though with the colors of Google’s logo) and swapped it for his normal mask. “‘If you or your Gukko, ingest a city?’” Dume translated with the mask. “I don’t get it.” “FAWEEP BUZZ BOOT!” shouted Nuju, frustrated. “‘All I said?’ All you said what?” Nuju just facepalmed, then turned to Nokama. “Chatter click beep weird Rahi noises,” he said. With a sigh, Nokama activated her own (much more useful) mask and translated the first sentence Nuju had said. “Dume, he originally said ‘If the Gukko are no longer in the city, where can we find one?’ Your mask needs some work.” “Oh. That makes much more sense, thank you. And my mask is fine!” “ ” emoticonned the other six Turaga in unison. “Just you wait, next holiday I’ll have an even better custom mask…” Dume muttered. Then he cleared his toast, ignoring the bagel, bread, croissant, muffin, and pastry also needing to be cleared. “Ahem, getting back to Nuju’s original question, that is what makes this quest challenging. The Matoran Universe’s entire population of Gukko have since migrated to Mata Nui, up above us. The seven of us will need to ascend through the tunnels, emerge onto the island above, capture a Gukko, and return safely.” Onewa sighed. “Well, thanks just the same, we’ll be going then.” As he turned to leaves, the other Turaga just stared oddly at him. “Are we really stooping so low as to quote ourselves from Web of Shadows?” asked Whenua. “Yeah, and why did he turn into a pile of leaves, anyway? That was random,” Nokama pointed out. Matau shrugged. “Just leave him there.” Then he paused, waiting expectantly. “Get it? ‘Leave?’ Oh, never mind, you’re all too old for my humor, anyway.” “We’re all the same age. And you know it,” Nokama muttered under her breath. “Are you going senile?” “Yep!” exclaimed Matau. Then he frowned. “Wait, what does ‘senile’ mean, anyway? Is it a compliment?” Some time later, the Turaga (including a significantly-less-leafy Onewa) all stood on a boat just off the shore of Ga-Metru, watching Nokama ready the boat for sailing. “Yarr har har, ahoy mateys, me hearties, rum rum landlubbers walk the plank avast ye doubloons and swab the swashbuckler!” declared Nuju out of nowhere. “ ” the other Turaga emoticonned in unison. “Walk the plank, scalawags, yarrrrrrrrrrrr hoist the sails?” Nokama activated her mask for a moment. “He says, ‘What’s everyone staring at? You didn’t know I was bilingual?’” She shrugged. “No, I didn’t. Apparently he speaks Pirate too.” “ ” said Dume. “The more you know…” “Whatever, can we just continue? I’m getting impatient,” complained Matau. “I’m missing my favorite show!” Whenua rolled his eyes. “You’d expect after so many times, he’d get bored of watching himself on TV,” he whispered to Nokama. “For once--and I’m honestly shocked I’m saying this--I agree with Matau,” Onewa said. “Let’s go.” “ ” emoticonned Dume. “IT’S THE APOCALYPSE!” “AHOY ME HEARTIES ME MATEYS ME LANDLUBBERS!” Nuju put in. Suddenly, Vakama ran up from belowdecks. “It’s the apocalypse?” he asked. “Oh no! It’s all my fault it’s the apocalypse! It’s all my fault that--” He was stopped from going any further by Onewa grabbing a randomly appeared piece of pizza and shoving it into Vakama’s mouth. “Mmmmmph mmmm mmmmmmph mph mmph!” Nokama activated her mask, purely out of habit by now. “He said ‘It’s all my fault I can’t talk! It’s all my fault Onewa shoved pizza in--’” “You know? Somehow I think we could’ve figured that out ourselves,” Onewa said sarcastically. “Don’t you start.” “I will start...the boat, so we can get going,” Nokama said. With that, she swung down from the mast and landed perfectly onto the button to start the boat’s engines. What she hadn’t realized was that earlier, Matau had leaned on the speed lever, pushing it all the way to ‘Ludicrous’ speed. The panicked screams of six old geezers (and one old geezette) could be heard across all of Metru Nui. “‘Geezette?’ Really? That has to be the dumbest word I have ever heard in my life,” complained Whenua, a few minutes later. Why is it always the Onu-characters arguing with me? “I don’t know, or care, but I could do a much better job than you…” Oh, shut up. “If we’re quite done arguing with authors and breaking the fourth wall,” said Dume, “we’ve arrived.” Dizzy and nauseous, the seven Turaga stumbled off of the boat onto the sandy shores of Mata Nui. The only good thing about Nokama’s mistake was that it made the trip take much shorter than it otherwise would have. “Well, we’ve made it to Mata Nui,” Dume declared. “Yarr harr fiddle dee dee,” commented Nuju. This time, Nokama didn’t bother translating, as she was still sick from the trip. “Wahoo! Let’s go catch ourselves one fine-fresh Gukko!” shouted Matau. Onewa looked askance at him. “What? I’m excited. Also, ‘askance’ is a cool word.” “You know, technically we didn’t actually make it to Mata Nui, since we were technically already inside Mata Nui,” Whenua pointed out. Dume just glared at him. “You know full well what I meant. Mata Nui the island, not the Spirit.” The BZP member SPIRIT appeared out of nowhere. “Somebody talking about me?” he asked. “No.” said a randomly appeared Takanuva. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” said an equally random Kopaka. “Somebody needs to get rid of all these time-comedy warp portals,” muttered Dume as he threw all three characters into one of said portals and slammed it shut. Matau bounced over to them. “Can we just get going? Let’s call it the ‘Island of Mata Nui’s Face’ and be done with it. Last one to the Gukko is a rotten egg!” The other Turaga all stared at one another. “Okay, first, eggs don’t exist in BIONICLE, and second, if we’re still living in Metru Nui and this island isn’t barren yet, shouldn’t we not know it’s Mata Nui’s face?” asked Onewa. “It’s a Lewa0111 comedy. Probably best not to think too hard about it,” Whenua pointed out. “Walk the plank, ye blubberbees, yaharr avast!” agreed Nuju wholeheartedly. Together, everyone followed the hyperactive Matau into the jungle. Well, almost everyone. “It’s all my fault we sailed too fast! It’s all my fault I’m sick! It’s all my fault eggs don’t exist in BIONICLE! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault! It’s all my fault--” “HA! Gotcha,” declared Matau, slamming a randomly appeared net down on top of a Gukko. “Would you get off of me??” demanded the Gukko. “ OH MY MATA NUI A TALKING GUKKO!” exclaimed Matau, jumping backward and falling flat on his rear end. “Talking Gukko? Where!?” demanded the talking Gukko. Then it spotted a Gukko sitting next to it. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” screamed the Gukko. The talking Gukko fell backward from fright, causing its Gukko-shaped mask to fall off and revealing…”Turaga Dume?” asked Matau. “What are you doing here? Why were you wearing a Gukko mask?” “Oh, this is my Kanohi Guhkko, the Mask of Gukko Birds,” he said, indicating the Gukko-shaped Kanohi he had been wearing over his regular mask. “It’s supposed to summon Gukko birds, but it doesn’t work too well.” The regular Gukko from a few paragraphs ago just sat on Dume’s head and laughed uproariously. “Where do you get all these awesome-cool masks, anyway?” “From Masks ‘R’ Us, of course! You should go there sometime. They have a nice deal right now on the Kanohi Ahspirin, the Mask of Pain Relief, which comes in handy whenever my back gives out. Like right now...ouch…” Matau shook his head. “Uh, no thanks, we need to find a Gukko! Hold still…” As he swung the net, the Gukko on Dume’s head squawked and took off. “I just told you I’m not a Gukko, you moron!” said Dume, annoyed. “Stop trying to catch me!” “Not you, there!” Matau excitedly pointed to the Gukko that had taken off. “FOLLOW THAT GUKKO!” Matau, though old, still knew how to navigate Le-Wahi, and he swung nimbly from branch to branch in pursuit of the flying Rahi. That is, of course, until he ran smack into Onewa. “Ouch. Matau, watch where you’re going. I nearly had that Gukko until you got in my way…” “With what?” Matau asked, indicating Onewa’s staff, which had a few pieces of string duct-taped to it haphazardly, only barely resembling a net if you turned your head sideways and squinted while holding a net in front of your face. “You honestly expect to catch a Gukko with that?” “Well, at least I have a net.” “What are you talking abou….” Matau’s voice trailed off as he looked down and realized he was no longer holding his net, just his distinctly string-less Kau Kau staff. “Still. Yours doesn’t even count as a net,” he quickly added, covering up his embarrassment. “Oh yeah? Want to fight me for it?” “You’re on! Arrrrgh!” “Arrrrgh!” The two Turaga charged at each other, though they had seemingly forgotten how old they were and that they couldn’t fight like they once had. Instead, their “fight” consisted merely of the two of them standing in front of each other, taking turns bopping one another over the head with their staffs while shouting insults. Actually, they were barely even insults. “You’re old!” “No, you are!” “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” ...You get the idea. Fortunately for the un-spamminess of this comedy, Nokama quickly emerged from the underbrush, net tucked under her arm, and bopped both of them over the head with her trident. “You’re both old, we’re all the same age, you dolts! Anyway, that has got to be the most pathetic fight I’ve ever seen. Matau, you should know better by your age.” “Wait, if we’re both the same age, why am I the only one who should know better?” Matau complained. “Because Onewa hasn’t had the benefit of me attempting to teach him for however many years it’s been, that’s why. Now let’s get a move on, we’ve got a Gukko to catch here!” As a time-comedy warp portal started to appear, she added, “And no, that wasn’t copied from Star Wars, so if Obi-Wan’s about to lecture me about copyrights, please go away.” With a , the portal closed. “I didn’t know portals could use emoticons,” commented Onewa. Before he’d even finished saying this, another portal opened, from which emerged a large, one-eyed, yellow Rahi. Nokama’s eyes widened. “Drat, knew I’d forgotten something...Yikes!” She quickly ran away as Keetongu chased after her, the Rahi as usual upset because he had copyrights copyrighted. Matau and Onewa looked at each other, shrugging, before giving chase. “Oh, where’s Dume and his Mask of Random Portals when I need him,” complained Nokama as she ran away. Then, out of nowhere, the ground gave way and she, Keetongu, Matau, and Onewa slid down into a network of steadily descending tunnels. “I have to say, that was unexpected.” They all landed in a heap at the bottom of the tunnels, on the floor of a large cavern. Whenua was sitting in the middle, holding his drill proudly. “Well? Aren’t you going to thank me?” he asked. “Thank you? You didn’t exactly get rid of Keetongu, he’s still here,” Onewa pointed out. “Oh. Sorry. Hold on.” Whenua touched the drill with his ground. Nothing happened. “Uhh, I think you got that backwards,” Matau observed. Sheepishly, Whenua touched the ground with his drill. “Baaaahhh,” he added sheepishly, growing wool and dropping to all fours. A tunnel also opened up below Keetongu, and the yellow Rahi went sliding away. “Where did you send him?” asked Nokama. “Someplace he won’t be bothering us. Anyway, how’s the Gukko-hunt coming?” “Well, judging by our distinct lack of Gukko...not good,” Matau said. “Though I don’t see you helping!” Whenua just smiled, having finally gotten over his sheepishness from before. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m lying in wait. See?” He indicated the center of the cavern, across which a gigantic net had been stretched. Nokama facepalmed. “Whenua, have you gone completely senile?” “No, only I’m awesome enough to be senile! You’re cool, but not quite at my level,” Matau interjected. “Please, do us all a favor and shut up,” said the Turaga of Stone. “Whenua,” Nokama continued, “how on earth do you expect to catch a bird Rahi underground?” “I think you mean ‘how inside earth,’ seeing as we’re underground,” said Whenua, “and you need to have some faith. Underground is the best place to go, and the Gukko know it too!” If there was such a thing as an “Extra-Strength Facepalm,” Nokama was doing it now. “But they’re flying, bird Rahi. Something tells me they don’t have the same attitude toward being underground that you do...you’re wasting our time down here.” “Can we at least borrow your net?” asked Onewa. “No, and no!” protested Whenua. “Trust me! I know what I’m doing!” Nokama sighed, seeing as this conversation was going nowhere. “Have fun sitting down here empty-handed,” she told the Turaga of Earth, “we’re going aboveground, where the Gukko will all be--” Her jaw dropped as a flock of Gukko suddenly came whipping around the corner and through the caverns, straight toward Whenua’s net. “Okay, that has to be the single most unlikely thing in the history of...okay, no, second most unlikely. Matau being humble is still more unlikely.” “I am humble! Not my fault I’m the greatest Turaga-Geezer of all time! What does ‘humble’ mean again?” Whenua just smiled in triumph as the Gukko flock soared toward his net. “Unbelievers, you all laughed before, but look at me now! Told you I’d catch...a...Gukko...oh no.” The flock had hit his net all right, and hit straight through it as well. Evidently his net hadn’t been designed for a flock that big. “We’re going to need a bigger net.” “AFTER THOSE GUKKO!” shouted all four Turaga in unison, charging as fast as their legs would allow down the tunnel where the Gukko had disappeared. They ran for what felt like hours, though was actually only two minutes, as they quickly ran out of breath. “I hate being old,” groaned Whenua. “Back in our Toa days, I could’ve caught those Gukko in seconds!” bragged Onewa. “No way, I would have easily beaten you,” said Matau. “Can we please not start another wimp fight again?” Nokama said, interrupting them. “Maybe they’ll be stupid and run into a dead-end cavern, and we can still catch one. We don’t need the whole flock, after all.” Matau and Onewa looked at each other, then at Nokama, then back at each other. “Nah.” “Bet I catch more than you!” Matau crowed. “You’re on!” said Onewa, dodging the swarm of crows that had emerged from Matau’s mouth. “Wait, do those crows count as Gukko?” “ ” emoticonned Nokama. “...I’ll take that as a no…” The four Turaga hobbled, much slower this time, after the Gukko flock. A few times, Whenua tried to use his drill to trap the Gukko, but kept accidentally missing the ground. Eventually, they emerged from the earth into an area of stone, which Onewa really liked. Then they emerged from the area of stone to an area with a lot of groundwater, which Nokama really liked. Then they emerged from the area with a lot of groundwater to an area with breeze blowing through it, which Matau really liked. Then they emerged from the area with breeze blowing through it to an area made entirely of pie, which Tava probably would have liked, except that he isn’t in this comedy. Then they emerged from the area made entirely of pie to an area with sunlight, which Takanuva probably would have liked, but the Turaga didn’t, as it meant the Gukko had escaped from the tunnels. The four Turaga sat, blinking for their eyes to adjust, at the mouth of the tunnel, looking around at the distinctly Gukko-free landscape. “Well, that stunk,” said Onewa. “Will you stop quoting yourself? I already complained about that earlier today,” Whenua groaned. “You can quote yourself if you want, I don’t mind.” “How’s that supposed to help?” “Please, everyone, let’s just head back to the boat,” Nokama suggested. “At the very least, we can tell Dume there’s a flock flying around in unlikely places. Maybe he’s found it!” Having no better ideas, the other Turaga all shrugged and followed her back to the beach. There, they were greeted by an incredibly unlikely sight. Vakama was sitting on the boat’s prow, blaming himself to Keetongu, who was plugging his ears and trying to open up a portal, but apparently failing. “It’s all my fault I’m annoying you! It’s all my fault you can’t hear me anymore! It’s all my fault you have one eye! It’s all my fault…” But that wasn’t what they were shocked about. On a nearby rock, surrounded by the entire flock of Gukko in perfect formations, sat Nuju, chattering in his usual flying Rahi language. “Cheep whistle brzzt cheep cheep.” The Turaga of Ice noticed the others and waved to them. “Click clack clackity click beep!” “‘Wasn’t that fun!?’” demanded an incredulous Nokama, translating Nuju’s words. “Do you mean to tell me you could have done this at any time?” Nuju shrugged. “Bazt wheep whip whop.” “What do you mean, ‘it was funny?’ It most certainly wasn’t, you icy little--” “By the way, I can also speak Matoran just fine,” Nuju said. “WHAT!?” “ ” For once, it was Nokama who was angry. “You little--I can’t believe--what the--WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?” (Thanks to the overuse of time-comedy warp portals earlier in the comedy, Pohatu did not appear despite the use of question marks and exclamation points together.) Nuju just chuckled to himself. “As a Turaga, I’m not allowed to be a nerd anymore. How else am I supposed to have fun?” “I’m just mad because pulling pranks is my thing…” muttered Matau. “Either way, I found it quite hilarious, and we do have our Gukko. Shall we get going?” “YOU STUCK-UP TROLLING LITTLE ####### #####ING ########### I’M GOING TO ####### THE ######## RIGHT OUT OF YOUR ##### AND ## BECAUSE ###### UPSIDE-DOWN ################ ### PENGUINS ##### ### ######### ####### GUKKO BUCKETS #################################################### BANANA ### # ## # ######## #### # ITALIAN ###### ## ## ##### GIANT INFLATABLE MONKEY ####### ## ##### #### ### WITH #### ### AND ####### ON TOP!” screamed Nokama, as Matau, Onewa, and Whenua all held her back. “Uhh...I think that means ‘sure,’” said Whenua. Then Onewa bopped Nokama over the head with his staff, knocking her mask off and causing her to faint. “That works.” As they all boarded the boat, Nuju’s Gukko flock obediently landing on the railings, Matau grabbed Vakama and threw him belowdecks. A relieved Keetongu immediately turned and ran as fast as he could back into the jungle. “Believe me, Nuju, we’ll hear what Dume has to say about this,” declared a very annoyed Whenua. Then he looked around suddenly. “Wait, come to think of it, where is Dume, anyway?” Matau glanced up, eyes wide at the sudden realization. “Dume? Uhh...yes...about that…” Somewhere in the jungles of Le-Wahi, a certain Turaga wandered around aimlessly, a net covering his face and blocking his vision. “Hello? Anyone? Hellooooooo...get this thing off of me!” “Okay!” exclaimed a nearby Keetongu with a as he raised a randomly appeared club. “Wait, no, not you, that’s not what I--” THE END Bob the Word Counting Gukko: This comedy has 3,649 words. ~Happy Thanksgiving from Lewa# Studios! Lewa0111 Nuva
  11. Did ya miss me? Which Toa's Which? A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 1 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 It was another ordinary day in the Nuva Inn. Lewa was relaxing in his Manager's Suite while pretending to be doing work, Onua was breaking the fourth wall repeatedly, Pohatu was being dumb, Tahu was lighting the kitchen on fire, Takanuva was repairing said kitchen, Kopaka was janitating the hotel by himself, Gali was splitting into two people again, and Tava (the resident Toa of Pie) was amusing himself by spawning a pie waterfall ("pie-terfall?") into his mouth. Yep, like I said. Another ordinary day. "Hey everyone," said Gali1, walking in from the pool room. "I'm not Everyone! My name's Some Guy! It's like you can't tell one Po-Matoran from another," complained the Po-Matoran named Some Guy, who was standing in the lobby. He walked off in a huff. With a , Gali1 stared after him. Onua looked up from his computer. "Oh, hi Gali1. Yeah, Some Guy's been staying here all week. He's...a little sensitive." "A little?" echoed Gali1. Just then, Lewa's special edition solid gold Manager's Elevator dinged, and the Toa of Air emerged. "Emergency meeting in the computer room, guys! Quick! It's super-urgent!" Knowing Lewa, Gali1 was sure it was nowhere near as urgent as he was making it sound. But, after all, she had nothing better to do, and she was curious. "Fine, let's go," she agreed. "We have a computer room?" asked Onua. Lewa paused for a moment. "TAKANUVA!!" he called out. Five seconds later, the Toa of Light zapped the side of the 285th story, creating a computer room instantly. "See? Now we do." A few minutes later, all the Toa Nuva (plus Takanuva) (and Tava) had gone into the newly-created computer room. "Right," said Lewa as he started up the computer, "now that we're all here, I--hang on, we're missing someone!" The assembled Toa looked around, but didn't notice anyone in particular missing. "Gali1, where's your other half?" "Oh. She's out shopping, actually." "SHE BETTER NOT BE SPENDING ANY OF MY HARD-EARNED MONEY, YOU LITERALLY SPLIT-PERSONALITY TOA OF--" "No, she's using her own money. Don't make me drench you in water..." The manager huffed. "I hate water. Fine, we'll start without her.” Then, the Toa of Air looked over at where Takanuva and Tava were standing. “Hey, what are you two doing here?” Takanuva just shrugged, momentarily ignoring Tava, who was apparently trying to figure out how to bake a computer into a pie. “You said there was an emergency meeting, remember?” “Toa Nuva only.” “Wait, but you never sai--” Takanuva couldn’t finish his sentence because Lewa lifted his air katana and summoned a tornado that lifted both Toa of Light and Toa of Pie into the air and out the window. “NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo…” “Ah.” added Kopaka unnecessarily. Gali1 stared after the two recently-defenestrated Toa for several moments before looking back at Lewa. “Well, that happened,” she observed. “Why did you want them to leave?” “Because this doesn’t involve them, that’s why! Anyway, look at this.” Lewa did something on the computer for several moments before bringing up the BIONICLE website. “Uhh, are you sure this isn’t going to destroy the space-time continuum or something?” asked Onua nervously. “I feel like this has to defy some law of logic.” “ “ Lewa emoticonned. “Stop ruining my big meeting! Look at this!” Everyone crowded around the computer screen, which was now displaying an image of the six 2015 versions of the assembled Toa. “Oooh,” said the Po-Matoran. “Will you get out of here!?” demanded Lewa, annoyed, as he sent Everyone the Po-Matoran out the window to join Takanuva and Tava. “That’s better. Check it out!” “Hey, that was my Halloween costume last year!” exclaimed Tahu with a . Gali1 thought about this for a moment. “That’s it! Lewa, you’re a genius!” “But I haven’t even told you my idea yet…” said Lewa. “Don’t have to. I’ve got it! We’ll all go as our 2015 versions for Halloween!” “Oh, is it Halloween already?” asked a very confused Pohatu. Regular Pohatu stared at the very confused Pohatu. “Where’d he come from?” Annoyed, Lewa just blew the very confused Pohatu out the window to join the cluster of random characters, leaving regular Pohatu behind. “Enough! My idea is--” “--a great one!” put in Tahu. “Except I already did that last year.” “I’m not talking about the Halloween thing, I’m talking about my idea, which I haven’t even had a chance to tell you! This has nothing to do with--” “--dressing up as ourselves,” Onua agreed, thinking he knew what Lewa had in mind. “Instead, we’ll confuse everyone by going as a different 2015 set version! For example, I might go as Lewa, and Lewa might go as Gali.” “I’m not dressing up as a girl!” At a glare from Gali, Lewa added, “Uhh...I mean…” “We can’t do that anyway because I just told you,” Onua explained. “We’ll dress up as different Toa.” “Sounds great, Onua!” said Gali. “Are we all agreed?” Kopaka shrugged. “Yes,” he said with his customary coldness. (pun not inten--oh, who am I kidding that was totally intentional) “!!oooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN” said Takanuva suddenly, inexplicably flying backwards through the window, which sealed itself up behind him. “So, what did I miss?” The rest of the Toa just shook their heads and sighed. This wasn’t the weirdest thing that had ever happened at the Nuva Inn. “Okay, are we all ready to go?” asked a Toa dressed in a 2015 Gali costume. “Ha, ha, you’re dressed like a girl!” teased someone dressed up like 2015 Kopaka. “ ” “How’s that funny? She always dresses like a girl because she is one,” said a 2015-Tahu-costumed Toa. “But Gali can’t be dressed up like Gali, that would defeat the purpose! It’s too easy to guess!” argued 2015 Kopaka. “Exactly,” 2015 Lewa pointed out. “Nobody WOULD guess that.” “Wait...so it’s actually the hardest to guess!” “No, I’m not actually Gali, that would just be dumb.” “Aww…” “Now remember,” continued the Toa dressed up like Gali, “it’s ‘trick-or-treat.’ NOT ‘burn-or-stuff,’ this means you, whichever one of you is Tahu!” “I’m Tahu!” said 2015 Tahu. “No you’re not,” said 2015 Gali, “you’re wearing a Tahu costume. That’s not the same thing.” “Yes it is…?” said 2015 Tahu, confused. The elevator dinged, and out popped someone wearing a 2015 Pohatu costume. “Okay, let’s go!” “You’re late,” observed 2015 Onua. “No I’m not; you’re all early.” The others groaned. “Whatever,” 2015 Onua said, “let’s just go.” The six costumed Toa opened the doors, greeted with the chilly air of a Metru Nui fall. As usual, the Le-Metru chutes were all dyed orange, and orange-colored Le-Matoran wandered about. New this year were transports painted to look like Fikou spiders, which shot through the tubes and gave the illusion of actual spiders moving about. “Huh. Beats Onu-Metru’s attempt at Fikou decorations,” observed 2015 Gali. “Except they weren’t even decorations…” “So, where should we go today?” asked 2015 Kopaka. “Let’s stay here. There’s plenty of huts in Le-Metru to visit,” said 2015 Pohatu. “But the chutes can take us anywhere!” protested 2015 Onua. “Don’t you want to explore the rest of the island? See what the other Metrus did for Halloween?” “No,” said 2015 Kopaka. Everyone looked around expectantly for a few moments. “It is weird hearing you say that.. I’m not used to leaving Takanuva behind,” observed 2015 Gali. "He says 'No.'" “I’m not the real Kopaka, anyway. Didn’t we discuss this earlier?” “ ” emoticonned 2015 Tahu. “YOU’RE NOT? MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!” They then proceeded to faint. The remaining still-conscious Toa were interrupted by an orange Le-Matoran running up to them. “Toa Lewa, Toa Lewa,” the Matoran said, addressing the Toa wearing the Lewa costume, “we quick-need your help! Tamaru-coward got stuck on the Moto-Hub top-roof and he can’t jump-come down! “I don’t like heights.” “What are you say-talking? You’re Toa Lewa! Come on, we need you!” The Matoran dragged 2015 Lewa away, over the costumed Toa’s protests. “Okay, which of you is the real Lewa?” asked 2015 Gali. “This is no time for jokes--Tamaru needs you to help!” After an awkward silence, 2015 Gali amended, “Fine. Whoever speaks next gets volunteered to rescue them.” 2015 Onua opened their mouth. “Well, the Moto-Hub isn’t far, we could--” “Great, thanks Lewa. Go rescue whoever’s dressed as you.” “But I’m not Lewa!” The other Toa, fed up by the real Lewa’s laziness and generally annoying personality by this point, just shoved them out of the circle. “Get out there and save them, and Tamaru!” Conveniently, Turaga Matau chose that exact moment to drive by in a transport that looked like it had been cobbled together from several Vahki, some chute pieces (obvious as they were bright orange), and an assortment of Turaga staffs. “Incoming!!” called the Turaga as he barreled into 2015 Onua, carrying them away. “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” “MATAU, WE’RE GETTING FAR TOO OLd for this…” Turaga Nokama yelled as the transport flew out of sight. The orange Le-Matoran pointed to the very top of the Moto-Hub, where a tiny speck that may or may not have been Tamaru could be seen clinging to a spire for dear life. “Up there, see him? Just fly up there and bring him down.” 2015 Lewa shook their head nervously. “I don’t like heights,” they repeated. “Can’t you send a transport?” The Le-Matoran shrugged. “You’re closer. Besides, I want to see the great Toa Lewa in action!” The costumed Toa sighed. “So…” they asked, stalling for time, “how’d he get up there in the first place?” “He was trying to repair the chutes. Long story, but it involves those Fikou-shaped transports, duct tape, and a blue potato. Earlier today, Tamaru was working on the chutes when he spotted a crack…” “Hmm,” muttered the Toa, not really paying attention to the story. “I guess there’s nothing better to do. Let’s climb.” While the Matoran was distracted by his story, 2015 Lewa entered the building and started climbing the stairs, hoping there was an entrance to the roof somewhere. “...and the potatoes fell out of the transport and filled the entire chute, which by the way taught us that blue and orange really don’t mix well, but what Tamaru didn’t know was that someone had been riding on the same transport earlier that day, which explained the earlier crack, but there were so many potatoes...hey, where’d you go?” Back with the remaining four Toa, they were all discussing what to do next when an announcement blared over a randomly appeared speaker system. “Attention citizens of Metru Nui: Turaga Dume’s 2nd Annual Costume Contest is about to begin! Please assemble at the Colosseum. KTHXBAI.” “‘KTHXBAI?’” echoed the assembled Toa. “ “ “Please tell me he’s not trying to act ‘hip,’” groaned 2015 Kopaka. “We get enough of that from Matau.” “Well, at least this makes up our minds,” 2015 Gali pointed out. “Let’s go to the Colosseum! Anybody mind carrying 2015 Tahu for us?” Back at the Moto-Hub, 2015 Lewa had just finished climbing the seemingly-endless set of stairs, where they found a simple door leading out onto the roof. “Convenient.” They opened the door and crossed over to the spire where Tamaru was. “Matoran? There’s a door. Just walk down the stairs.” They indicated the door, which had just swung shut. Tamaru, still obviously frightened, shook his head. “It locks from the other side. Can’t you just fly me down?” “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” 2015 Lewa looked up to see someone wearing a 2015 Onua costume, clinging for dear life to Turaga Matau’s makeshift vehicle. The vehicle executed a loop, dropping the costumed Toa onto the roof. “Ouch. Where am I?” “Toa Onua! Oh, this is good, two Toa to quick-save me!” said Tamaru. “Though I didn’t think you were fond of heights….” “I’m not Onua,” said 2015 Onua. “Matau, get back here!” “Next stop, silly old-geezer Dume,” Turaga Matau called out. “We’re almost as old as he is, you moron!” Nokama pointed out. “GET ME OFF THIS CRazy thing…” For several seconds, 2015 Lewa and 2015 Onua stared after the errant Turaga. “Right, okay, so how do we get him down?” “You fly me down, of course, Toa-Hero!” 2015 Lewa sighed. This was going to be unfortunate. The three conscious Toa walked into the Colosseum, with 2015 Kopaka carrying an unconscious 2015 Tahu over their shoulder. “Ah, good, the Toa have arrived,” said Turaga Dume, wearing his usual Kanohi Puhmpka (the Great Mask of Pumpkin Heads). “Let the contest begin!” “Wait,” said Hahli, “what’s wrong with Tahu? Quick, someone heal him!” She looked at 2015 Gali. “Toa Gali, can’t you do something?” 2015 Gali looked back and forth between 2015 Pohatu and 2015 Kopaka. “Are either of you Gali?” they asked. “What? No, that’s you!” said Hahli. “Are you sure you’re all right? Come on, bring Tahu and let’s heal him, quick! Also, where’s your costume?” Over the costumed Toa’s protests, Hahli dragged 2015 Gali away into the nearby Healing Hut, followed by the still-unconscious 2015 Tahu dragged behind them. 2015 Pohatu and 2015 Kopaka stared at each other. “Well, this is awkward,” they said simultaneously. “By the way, you’re both disqualified for not wearing a costume,” Dume announced. “Well, this is more awkward,” the two Toa said again. Before they could explain the costume situation, Matau’s transport suddenly shot down out of the sky, toward the Coliseum box where Dume was standing. “HEY OLDY, LOOK-CHECK US OUT!” the Turaga of Le-Metru called. “YAHOO!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!” shouted Nokama as the vehicle took a nosedive, missed Dume’s box entirely, and plunged at full speed straight into the ground. There was silence for several moments as the dust cleared. Once it had, everyone assembled could see a huge pile of rubble with bits and pieces of the vehicle sticking out of it. “Well, this is even more awkward.” “We’re fine, we’re okay, a little quick-stuck though…” Matau could be heard saying from inside. “Easy for you to say, I’m grounding you!” said Turaga Nokama. “We’re never doing this again!” “Wait-stop, you can’t ground me! Next one will be better!” “That’s what you said last time!” “And I was right! At least this time we’re here-still in Metru Nui!” “Still wondering how we crashed on the Southern Continent last time, by the way…” muttered the Turaga of Water. While the two Turaga continued to bicker, Turaga Dume gazed at the rubble. “I hate to ask you this, but as you’re both disqualified from the contest anyway...Pohatu, Kopaka, could you freeze/kick away those boulders for me?” “Uhh…” “Hey, wait a second, that’s it!” exclaimed 2015 Onua, still atop the Moto-Hub. “Quick, help me make a sign.” “A what, now?” asked 2015 Lewa, but they did as asked and started pulling up a piece of the roof to use as a signboard. 2015 Onua then started drawing on said roof-piece with a conveniently placed magic marker. “You see,” they said, “we still have three Toa who can help out. Well, two-and-a-half, really.” “Two-and-a-half Toa? Sounds like a good name for a parody comedy…” muttered 2015 Lewa. Finally, the other Toa had finished, and tied the sign to a spire, standing it up so that everyone could see it. 2015 Onua then pulled out two megaphones from their Toa-Pocket and handed one to 2015 Lewa. “Follow my lead,” they said, before reading the sign aloud. “Uhh, Toa-Heroes?” asked a terrified Tamaru. “Can we get this over with? Wouldn’t flying me down just be easier?” “Trust me, I’m not really...just, healing isn’t my thing,” said 2015 Gali. “Nonsense! You’re the Toa of Water! Though your voice does sound a bit deep...you must have laryngitis!” 2015 Gali slapped their forehead. “Or I’m not really Gali, I’m just wearing a Gali costume.” “That’s the stupidest explanation I ever heard. Come on, just summon some water and heal him!” “Um, that probably isn’t a good idea…” “You’re nervous?” asked Hahli. “Must be the laryngitis talking. Don’t worry, I’ll just do it myself! We have Element Extraction Entities for this sort of thing.” Over 2015 Gali’s increasingly worried protests, the Ga-Matoran withdrew a Rahi shaped like a teapot with a trumpet for a head. “I call it an EEE for short. Okay, EEE, do your stuff!” She threw the EEE at 2015 Gali. “Wait! No! Get it off me, I’m not Gali!” protested the costumed Toa. The Rahi latched its trumpet-head onto the Toa’s face and started to absorb elemental energy. Hahli pointed to the unconscious Toa, instructing the EEE to release the energy in their direction. At the very same moment the EEE started to release, 2015 Tahu sat up, rubbing their head and looking around in confusion. The EEE turned, followed Hahli’s gesture to spot the Toa in the Tahu costume, and immediately jumped toward their face. Just as the Rahi latched on, 2015 Tahu stood up and put their hands up, making the EEE stick to their hand instead. The Rahi unleashed a torrent of elemental energy that proceeded to bury Hahli, 2015 Gali, the Healing Hut, a good chunk of the Colosseum, and the entire lower half of 2015 Tahu in earth. 2015 Gali sighed. “Well, that happened. Why is it always me, anyway?” Tava, Takanuva, and Gali2 came running to the Moto-Hub as soon as they could. “'Early Black Friday sale!?!?!?!?!?'” exclaimed Gali2 happily. “Roof of the Moto-Hub? Count me in!” “'Never-before-discovered Pie flavor on the Moto-Hub!' Let’s go!” said Tava, running beside her. “'Find a Better Job than Lewa’s Giving You (because he’s a greedy and terrible boss), One Time Only On The Moto-Hub Roof?' I’m definitely there!” said Takanuva excitedly. The moment they dashed through the door at the top of the stairs, they heard 2015 Lewa shout, “Stop.” Surprised, they immediately skidded to a halt, crashing into one another and falling into a pile in the doorway. 2015 Lewa put their megaphone down and crossed over to the door, holding it open. “Come on, Tamaru, let’s go downstairs.” The Le-Matoran, surprisingly, shook his head. “Oh, what now?” “I want to see you fly me down; I’ve never seen the great Toa Lewa in action before! Look, there’s a whole crowd!” Both costumed Toa peered over the edge of the roof to see that there was indeed a crowd of orange-dyed Le-Matoran clustered below. “It’ll be cool!” “Tava,” said 2015 Onua suddenly, “you know what? I bet all those Matoran down there have never seen one of your famous Trampoline Pies. You should go down there and make an extra-big one for them!” “No,” said Takanuva, shaking his head firmly. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” screamed 2015 Lewa. “Where’s my promised sale?” asked Gali2, looking around. Tava, for his part, extricated himself and ran down the stairs, summoning a Trampoline Pie along the way using his Toa powers. “Hey guys, check this out!” the Toa of Pie called to the assembled Matoran. 2015 Lewa wiped his forehead. “Finally…” they muttered. “Come on, Tamaru, let’s go!” “Awesome-cool!” said the Le-Matoran, climbing onto 2015 Lewa’s back. The costumed Toa steeled himself, then ironed himself, then bronzed himself, then coppered himself, then ran through the rest of the metals he knew about before finally taking a running start and leaping off of the building. They hit the Trampoline Pie and bounced...and kept going...way higher than expected. Tava looked at his Toa tool sheepishly. “Oops, I think I accidentally made that one extra-strength...sorry!” He then proceeded to sprout wool and start baaing due to his sheepishness. “We have to go after him!” said 2015 Onua, jumping onto the Trampoline Pie and following 2015 Lewa’s accidental flight. Gali2 and Takanuva looked at each other and shrugged. “Fancy going after them?” Gali2 asked him. “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” shouted 2015 Lewa as they plummeted into the now dirt-filled Colosseum. “Oof.” “Hey, Lewa,” said 2015 Tahu, buried up to their waist in dirt. “We’ve been having some...issues. Oh! You got Tamaru down!” “MMmmmmmppphhh.” 2015 Lewa’s face was buried in the dirt. “At least that dirt inexplicably got rid of the rocks,” said 2015 Pohatu, looking up at where Turaga Matau’s vehicle had somehow been instantly repaired and was now hovering over the Colosseum, Matau still arguing with Nokama inside it. “Where’s 2015 Gali, by the way?” “Down there somewhere,” said 2015 Tahu, shrugging. “She’ll be fine.” “We’ve been over this, Gali isn’t dressed as herself!” said an annoyed 2015 Kopaka. “Hey, what’s that?” They all looked up to see 2015 Onua plunge into the dirt beside them. “Hi everyone,” said the newest arrival, costume mask askew. The dirt shifted, and 2015 Gali stuck their head out of it. “Sorry about that. Here’s Hahli, by the way.” They reached down and lifted the Ga-Matoran out of the dirt, placing her next to the assembled Toa. Next to them, the dirt having brought them to the level of the Colosseum box, Dume was looking from one Toa to another so fast they all thought his pumpkin head would fly off. “How--what just--I don’t--Halloween is--costumes--you know what, I’m not even going to try,” he said finally. “Why do I bother?” A certain green Dark Hunter immediately flew in, bonking Dume over the head for stealing his line. The Toa all looked at the sight, then at each other, and started laughing for several minutes. Then, 2015 Gali stopped. “Why are we laughing?” they asked. THE END Skritch the Word Counting Fikou: This comedy has 3,585 words. ~Happy Halloween from Lewa# Studios! Lewa0111 Nuva (P.S. Try to guess who's who!)
  12. Hi everyone, quick update on where I've been for the past few months. Still trying to work out a solution to the comedy-posting problem, with...no results, unfortunately. If there are any of you who know anything about BBcode who might want to help me, I'd really appreciate it! With that said, though, I haven't stopped writing and indeed have been working on new chapters of TNI and Hack Wars from time-to-time during this hiatus. Whenever this gets fixed, I'll be able to post a bunch one after another. Still wish I could share it all with you now, though! The Holiday Series stuff I've written for St. Patrick's Day, April Fools, Easter, and the Fourth of July will probably end up just being used for next year's entries, though. Don't want to release things too far out-of-season, and at this point, who knows when I'll fix this issue!?!? Pohatu: By the way, I-- Don't use that joke! Anyway, so sorry for being gone forever and I hope I can get back to making you all laugh again soon. Lewa0111 Nuva
  13. Hi everyone, You're probably wondering where I've been. I had a big resurgence a few weeks back, and then...Nothing. Not a peep. Not even a Valentine's Day entry in the Holiday Series. What happened? Well, for those of you who read The Nuva Inn, you probably noticed the most recent two chapters of that comedy randomly got cut off when I tried to post them. After re-editing the posts several times, they continued to get cut off and neither I nor anyone helping me out in the tracker has been able to figure out what's wrong. I've spent the last week or so trying desperately to work out a solution, with no results yet...which is really too bad because I'd love to be able to keep writing. But I'm not going to do that until I know my chapters will be able to post in their entirety. If anyone knows anything that might help, by all means let me know! In the meantime, though, I'll keep trying whatever I can. Once I get the issue fixed, I'll be sure to let everyone know. Thanks for understanding, and don't forget to vote! Lewa0111 Nuva
  14. Happy New Year, BZPower! As the holidays continue, so too does the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series. This time around, The Nuva Inn kicks off a belated Christmas Naming Day celebration, but things don’t go quite according to plan… As usual, the previous entries in this season’s Holiday Series can be found at the end of the post. Nuva Year’s Eve A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 4 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 “Hey Pohatu,” yelled Lewa from somewhere up the stairs, “don’t forget to bring the Toa Santa hats for all of us to wear. And the stuff for the sign. And the red and green paint for me and Tahu. And the cookie-making stuff for Tava. And the Christmas tree and lights from Chapter 3 of TNI. And the fake snow. And the real snow. And the wrapping paper. And the-- “Wait, what do you mean ‘Chapter 3 of TNI?’” asked Pohatu. “Aren’t we in TNI right now?” Lewa pointed up to the sky, where the title card was floating in midair. “No, we’re in the Holiday Series again. Didn’t you notice the prose?” “Oh, right. Now I see. But look, can I at least make more than one trip for all of this stuff?” “No,” said Kopaka, who happened to be wandering past. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Takanuva as usual. Pohatu sighed. “Fine…” He hefted all of the objects Lewa had asked for in his hands, forming a pile so tall it scraped against the ceiling, and started to walk up the stairs out of the basement very, very slowly. While Pohatu was busy doing that, Lewa walked over to the lobby, where Kopaka was busy cleaning the hotel and Gali was watching the pool. “It’s almost Naming Day, we need to have this place looking festive!” he said. “Clean faster!” Gali shook her head. “Remind me again why we waited until Naming Day Eve to start decorating?” she asked. “Shouldn’t we have started this, oh, I don’t know, before that?” “Hey, I was busy! Doing managery things! Yeah. Definitely managery things.” Gali had a sneaking suspicion that said ‘managery things’ involved smoothies, reclining massage chairs, and movies more than it did actual work, but she didn’t bother mentioning that. “So, what can I do to help?” she asked. “Kopaka, can I help clean?” “No,” said Kopaka. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!” screamed Takanuva. “Will you cut that out!” shouted Lewa, annoyed. “Gali, why don’t you help Takanuva and Onua put up the decorations as soon as Pohatu brings them up from the basement. I have more managery things to take care of. Bye!” Gali sighed. This was going to be quite the Naming Day… * * * One week later, everyone was still waiting for Pohatu to finish bringing up the decorations. (Incidentally, Everyone the Po-Matoran was not waiting. He was busy looking for the bathroom in a variety of highly unlikely locations). Lewa’s private elevator dinged and the Toa Nuva of Air stepped out. “What’s taking us so long?” he demanded. “Naming Day is almost here! Where are those decorations?” “Almost...there…” grunted the heavily-laden Pohatu, as he finally ascended the last step and collapsed, spilling Naming Day decorations everywhere. “Finally! Okay, let’s go! Get decorating!” “Uh, Lewa?” asked Onua, having just come back from posting signs advertising the Inn’s New Year party all over Metru Nui. “You do realize Naming Day was a week ago, right? Tonight is already New Year’s Eve.” “ ” emoticonned Lewa. “What!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” “By the...way...I…” Pohatu started to say before passing out from exhaustion. Onua just shrugged. “Afraid so. We missed Naming Day completely.” “Can’t be. I never got my money!” Everyone stared at Lewa weirdly. (So did Everyone, who had just wandered into the lobby, but that’s beside the point). “Err...I mean...we never got our presents,” he amended. “You know, he’s right,” Takanuva pointed out. “Where was Toa Santa? Obviously we couldn’t give each other our presents since Pohatu hadn’t brought the wrapping paper up, but still…” With a > , Lewa declared, “That does it! We’re going to go outside and find out what happened to our presents, and Toa Santa for that matter! Right now!” “But what about New Year’s--” “Onua, who cares about New Year’s, just go find some decorations, I don’t care. Tahu? Gali? Let’s go.” Blue Eyes Commander, the guest star front desky person, suddenly ran into the room at the literal speed of sound due to all the sugar he constantly ate. “Heyguyswhat’sgoingonooharewegoingonaquestIwannagoIwannagocanIgopleasepleaseplease???????????” The Kraata of Plant Control on his shoulder, Fred, shuddered and looked like he was going to vomit from all the hyperness. Lewa just stared at BEC for several seconds before silently turning and exiting the hotel with Tahu and Gali. “SowhatdoesthatmeanhuhhuhhuhtellmetellmecanIgowasthatayesoranoyouhavetoanswer!! Yesornoyesorno?” “No,” said Kopaka. Takanuva...well, you can probably guess what Takanuva did. * * * Lewa, Tahu, and Gali exited the hotel for the first time all week--and emerged into a scene of chaos. As it was Naming Day Eve, the seven Turaga were in the process of rolling a gigantic shiny disco ball up the side of the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever, though this was made difficult by the fact that some of them occasionally fell asleep in the middle of it and sent the ball rolling right back down the structure. Turaga Dume was decked out in all the New Year’s celebration gear he could find--a top hat, noisemakers, streamers, an “Auld Lang Syne” shirt (that played the song when you pressed a button on the sleeve), and also some hula leis for whatever bizarre reason. This, of course, was perfectly normal and expected. What wasn’t at all expected was the fact that the entire city was draped end-to-end in webbing with Naming Day lights attached to it, and several Matoran and Rahi were stuck to the webbing as well. Vahki cleanup crews were attempting to remove the sticky substance, but didn’t seem to be having too much luck. “Well, this is...strange,” understated Gali. “At least we know what happened to Toa Santa,” said Tahu. “No way he could get his Axalara through that.” “I WANT MY MONEY I ASKED FOR!!” shouted Lewa. “ ” emoticonned Gali. “You asked for money for Naming Day?” “Of course! Here’s my list, see?” Lewa produced a copy of his Naming Day list, which Gali looked at. The list read: Gali sighed. “Why am I not surprised? Anyway, what should we do about these webs? Wait, Tahu, please don’t--” Before she could catch herself, Tahu had already unsheathed his fire swords. “I know how to get rid of them! BURN STUFF!!” He then lit the nearest glob of webbing on fire, getting rid of the webs but also roasting the lights, the Rahi stuck in the webs, a Vahki cleanup crew, and a few random Matoran who happened to be wandering by. “There! ” Gali and Lewa collectively facepalmed as several Vahki Vorzakh surrounded Tahu, police sirens blaring. <TOA TAHU NUVA, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR PYROMANIA> said one of the Vorzakh. <ALSO FOR BURNING STUFF> added another. <AND FOR LIGHTING EVERYTHING ON FIRE, YOU CRAZY TOA> said a third. “What? No, I don’t wanna go to jail!” complained Tahu. “BURN STUFF!” He then lit the Vorzakh on fire. Gali just shook her head. “Tahu, you just made everything worse,” she observed, as several more squad of various Vahki types converged on their location, sirens blaring. “No I didn’t!” “Uhh...we don’t know this guy, bye!” said Lewa quickly, shoving Tahu toward the nearest Vahki squad and running. Gali, having no other choice, followed the Toa of Air, leaving Tahu at the mercy of the Vahki. “OKAY YOU PUNKS, WANT SOME FIRE? I’LL TEACH YOU TO ARREST TOA TAHU, YOU #####ING ###### #### ############S!!” shouted Tahu behind them as a massive fireball lit up half of Metru Nui. After using their Kakamas to run to the other side of the island, overshooting the shore, ending up in the water, and then running back to shore, Gali and Lewa stopped to take a short rest. Ga-Metru, like the rest of the island, was likewise covered in webbing, though all the Vahki cleanup crews had been redirected to take care of the pyromaniac issue in Le-Metru. A few students were stuck in the webbing outside East-West-North High, but other than that, the metru seemed largely deserted. “Well, that’s Tahu for you,” Gali observed. “So, what do we do now?” “I want my money!!” said Lewa. “We gotta get rid of those webs right now!” “Thanks, Captain Obvious,” said Gali sarcastically. A superhero with a big “O” on his cape suddenly swooped in out of nowhere. “You’re welcome!” he said, before flying off with a shout of “Captain Obvious, AWAYYYYYY!” With a , both Gali and Lewa watched him go. “So,” said Gali to break the awkward silence, “any ideas on how to break the webs? I’m thinking we could hire a web-demolishing crew--” At a glare from Lewa, she quickly stopped. “Or not.” “We don’t need to spend one single centiwidget of my money! We’ll just do it ourselves. All we have to do is find the source of these webs, then destroy it. Problem solved!” “You’re starting to sound like Tahu...but okay. I don’t have any better ideas that don’t involve spending money. I guess we follow the webs, then.” They walked over to the nearest ground-level web of lights and started to follow the strand, hoping to eventually find the source. As they passed East-West-North High, a webbed-up Jaller shouted, “Hey, a little help, here?” “We’re working on it,” Gali reassured him. Before long, the high school was out of sight and they found themselves in Po-Metru. Here, the webs thinned out significantly due to a lack of tall buildings to attach them to. A group of random Po-Matoran walked past, stepping over the strand of webbing the two Toa were following. “Happy New Year, Toa!” said Random Matoran #35, waving to them. “Happy New Year,” responded Gali. Lewa, however, noticed something in the Matoran’s hand and used his elephantal--er, sorry, ELEMENTAL--powers to blow the object toward Himself. “Hey, what was that for?” demanded Himself, one of the other Po-Matoran in the group. “Sorry,” said Lewa, blowing the object into his hands instead. “You Po-Matoran sure have weird names…” He then examined the object in his hand: a gift-wrapped package, addressed to Random Matoran #35 from Toa Santa. “HEY! it is fair and just!!” Gali just sniggered. “What’s so funny?” Gali pointed to the above paragraph. “Take a look at what you just said. Gotta love word filters.” “Stupid BZP filters...grr...anyway, where did you get this?” he demanded of the Matoran. “And why is it still wrapped when Naming Day was last week?” “Toa Santa dropped it off on Naming Day Eve as usual, and I just really like the wrapping paper,” explained Random Matoran #35. “Why, didn’t you get yours?” “No, nobody did. Or at least I thought nobody did….” Gali facepalmed. “Lewa, the reason the Po-Matoran got their gifts is because there isn’t enough webbing to block Toa Santa’s vehicle from getting through! And I highly doubt Nobody got our gifts, even if he does live in Po-Metru.” “I meant nobody, not Nobody--wait, there’s a Po-Matoran named “Nobody” now? Who’s in charge of naming these guys?” “Sure, Nobody lives just down the street from Everyone, next to Some Guy,” explained Himself. “You know what?” suggested Gali. “Let’s just keep going before we all confuse ourselves.” In spite of more word-filtered shouts of “it is fair and just!” from Lewa, she dragged him along and continued following the webs. In no time at all, they arrived at the Onu-Metru border, where their goal immediately became evident: a small building with dozens of obviously added-on stories making it tower above the landscape. The upper stories had holes poking through them, from which the light-strung webbing emerged. “There it is! Let’s go so Toa Santa can come back and give me my money!” “One-track mind…” muttered Gali, following Lewa toward the building. As they got closer, she noticed a sign on the building that read “Nuparu’s Discount Naming Day New Year’s Electronics Store.” Lewa barged into the store, expecting to see Nuparu, though no one was present. Gali followed close behind. Above them, a series of catwalks and crossbeams stretched up to the very top of the building, where she saw something moving around the webs. “Hey!” shouted Lewa. “You get rid of these webs right now, whoever you are!” “What does it look like I’m doing?” a voice shot back. A few moments later, Nuparu glided to the ground on a makeshift parachute (made from what appeared to be Tarakava hide, a couple of plungers, and a skateboard). “I’ve been trying to fix this issue all week after those Visorak came in here and smashed up my store! Look!” Gali and Lewa switched to their Akaku and looked upward to see a huge bundle of webbing and lights sitting in the middle of the store at the very top. The webs stretched out of this bundle and outside the store, going all over the city. “Well, that solves that problem,” muttered Gali. “Nuparu, I hate to ask this, but...since there won’t be any holidays for a while after today, do you really need this store?” “Well...no,” admitted Nuparu. “Why, what are you going to do?” Gali took a deep breath and looked up, as though asking Mata Nui himself for guidance. Then she said, “I can’t believe I’m doing this...but let’s face it, we’re missing all the New Year’s celebrations because of this. I just want to get it over with.” She dug around in her Toa-Pocket(™) for a few moments until she finally produced a box of lighter fluid, some matches, a lighter, gasoline, and other flammable objects. “HEY TAHU!” she yelled. “LOOK WHAT I HAVE!” Five seconds later, the Toa of Fire barreled into the store, dragging several Vahki, some more webbing, and a few police sirens with him. With a cry of “BURN STUFF!!1” he burnt all the excess baggage off of him. “Cool, flammable stuff!” he said upon seeing Gali. “Where did you get that?” Gali wasn’t about to admit that she kept a Tahu Summoning Kit with her at all times on the off chance something like this would happen, so she said, “Somewhere, but never mind. I found something for you to burn: this whole building.” “ ” Nuparu emoticonned. “Are you crazy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” “By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!” said a randomly appeared Pohatu, but everyone was too busy running away from Tahu to comment on the running joke. “Awesome! BURN STUFF!!1!!111one!one!!1monroe!!” yelled Tahu noobishly, as he summoned a Nova Blast to incinerate the entire building. As Lewa, Gali, Pohatu, and Nuparu watched from a safe distance, the fire consumed not only the entire building, but a good chunk of (luckily abandoned) tunnels below. More to the point, the fire spread out from the central tangle of webbing to roast the webs all across the city just as Gali had expected, though it had diminished enough by the time it exited the building that it was no threat to any of the Matoran, Rahi, or Vahki. Before too long, the entire city was web-free once again. “All right!” shouted Lewa triumphantly. “Quick, let’s get back to the hotel. I want my presents!” “Toa Santa wouldn’t have gotten here yet, you moron!” said Gali. “But let’s get back anyway. Hopefully we didn’t miss the festivities!” * * * One Kakama-dash later, the four Toa Nuva arrived to find a completely deserted Nuva Inn. “Apparently we did miss the festivities,” Lewa pointed out. “No, don’t worry, they all went to the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever for the big countdown,” said Pohatu. Lewa, Tahu, and Gali all stared at him. “What? I can be smart sometimes…” “If that’s true, then why are you here with us?” asked Gali. “Because I love exclamation points and question marks together!” the Toa of Stone proclaimed, as if that cleared everything up. “Let’s go!” “But I want to get my presents,” pouted Lewa. Gali facepalmed yet again. “I already told you, Toa Santa didn’t come yet! He needs time to get here.” “Fine…” The four of them left the Inn and made a Nui-Ramaline to the Colosseum/Coliseum/whatever, which was a lot easier to find with the giant shiny disco ball on top of it. Apparently the Turaga had eventually succeeded in their task. All around the structure, Matoran, Toa, and other beings had gathered to watch the countdown to the new year. Gali spotted Onua talking to a few Onu-Matoran and walked over to him. “Onua, there you are! What did we miss?” Onua shrugged. “I had another argument with the narrator, a bunch of Matoran got squished flat by that disco ball a few times but they’ll live, Makuta showed up to attack but Lhikan’s ghost scared him off, a Tahtorak showed up to celebrate but accidentally sat on Onewa but he’ll be fine, Matau got annoyed that Onewa will be fine, Vakama blamed himself for it, and the entire city lit on fire. Other than that, not much.” “Yeah, the fire thing? That was me!” proclaimed Tahu proudly. “Why am I not surprised? Anyway, the webs are gone at least.” “Where are the others?” “Kopaka and Takanuva are over there, BEC is running around hyperly as usual, and Tava is handing out free pies, but he’s eating every other one he makes. Never mind them, Dume’s about to talk!” Turaga Dume emerged onto the balcony with a dog in his hand. Then he remembered that dogs don’t exist in BIONICLE, and the dog vanished. “AHEM! Testing, 1, 2, 3...Is this thing on?” he said into the sound system. “Mega-Muaka-mauled-a-mob-of-mighty-Mukau. Oh good, it’s working!” All of the assembled beings immediately performed their best Kopeke impressions. There weren’t really many better ways of reacting to this. “Yes, anyway, sorry about that,” continued the Turaga. “2014 has been a great year for BIONICLE! We had our high points and our low points, and our random points, but we look forward to our glorious return in 2015! Well, of sorts, anyway. Actually I think only the Toa Nuva will get to return. But enough about that, let’s just celebrate! Begin the countdown!” “Did you understand any of what he was talking about?” whispered Pohatu. “2014 was a great year...past that I’m lost…” Onua responded. Gali nodded in agreement. “BEGIN THE COUNTDOWN!” shouted Dume, louder this time. When nothing happened, he asked, “Where is that annoying little Onu-Matoran? Has anyone seen Nuparu?” Tahu raised his hand. “I think he’s still cleaning up the ashes of his store. Long story. But I can help with the countdown!” “I don’t think that’s the best idea…” muttered Gali worriedly. “An excellent suggestion!” declared Dume. “Let us begin! 30!” Tahu lifted his swords and shot twin plumes of fire into the air, which resolved themselves into a giant fiery number 30. “29! 28! 27!” As Tahu sent more and more fire into the air in the shapes of the different numbers, the assembled beings started chanting along with Dume while they watched the spectacle. Above Dume, the five other Turaga (minus Onewa, who was still recovering from being squashed by a Tahtorak butt) strained against the weight of the massive shiny disco ball, preparing to drop it on cue. “17! 16! 15!” chanted Everyone. The others all stared at him. “We’re only on number 26,” Vhisola pointed out. “26! 25! 24!” the group resumed, as Tahu continued to light up the night sky with fiery numbers. “23! 22! 21!” “PIES!” called Tava, the Toa of Pie, as he walked through the crowds with a concession stand seller’s outfit on and steaming hot pies in each of his hands. “GET YOUR PIES HERE!” He gave one of the pies to a random Matoran and popped the other into his mouth, before using his powers to summon two more pies and continuing on. “20! 19! 18! 17! 16! 15!” A sudden gust of wind and the sounds of jingling bells made several Matoran look up, along with the Toa Nuva. “Hey, is that…?” asked Gali, pointing at a small light in the night sky that was rapidly growing bigger and more reddish. “Is that Toa Santa?” “WHERE!?” demanded Lewa. “14! 13! 12! 11! 10! 9!” continued the chant. Tahu continued his fiery show, but it was clear he was running out of energy. “8! 7! 6!” The light grew closer, and by this time it became clear that the light was a red Axalara, pulled by eight Kikanalo with Kanohi Kadin glued to their feet, and dragging a cobbled-together platform behind it. A certain red Toa was driving the vehicle, and the six Bohrok-Kal were clinging to the sides. “Took us a whole week, but we finally made it back to a web-free Metru Nui!” Toa Santa called out. Dume, the other Turaga, and most of the Matoran remained oblivious to this, especially the Po-Matoran (who had already gotten their gifts and could care less about Toa Santa’s return). “5! 4! 3!” they chanted. Dume signaled to the other Turaga to prepare to drop their cargo. “2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The Turaga moved out of the way and let the disco ball plummet down the side of the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever. Unfortunately, Toa Santa and his vehicle happened to be passing underneath it at that exact moment. “Merry Naming Day and a Happy New--” the Toa of Naming Day declared, before he noticed the disco ball about to crush him. “I’ll save you, Toa Santa!” Tahu called out. “Wait, no--” warned Gali. But it was too late. Tahu sent a fiery number -1 at the ball (he had forgotten the countdown was over), which reflected off of the shiny surface and sent fire flying everywhere. Lewa sprang into action and flew up to Toa Santa’s Axalara, creating a shield with wind to protect the vehicle. “MY PRECIOUS GIFTS!!” “Everyone, everyone, please remain calm,” said Dume. “We have a minor fire situation here. There is no need to panic--” “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!” screamed Vakama suddenly, having grabbed the microphone from Dume. “It’s all my fault we’re gonna die! It’s all my fault there’s fire everywhere! It’s all my fault Toa Santa came late! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault!” “Time to pull the plug…” muttered Gali, finding the plug for the sound system and yanking it out. Toa Santa landed his vehicle next to where the Toa Nuva were standing. “Come on,” said Lewa, “Toa Santa’s taking us back to the Inn.” “But what about the fire everywhere? The screaming Matoran? The utter disaster?” asked Gali. “Who cares, Dume can deal with it. But we have more important things to do! Like celebrating a belated Naming Day!” Having no better ideas, Gali reluctantly clambered on board the Axalara with the other Toa Nuva, BEC, Fred, and Tava. Toa Santa took the controls and steered them away from the chaos toward Le-Metru and The Nuva Inn. * * * “Well,” proclaimed Lewa once they had opened their gifts from Toa Santa, closed the Inn for the night, and settled down comfortably in the lobby, “That could have been worse. At least I got everything I asked for!” “How could that possibly have gone any worse?” asked Onua. “I could have NOT gotten my money!” “Typical.” “ ” emoticonned Takanuva suddenly. “Uhh...what?” asked Pohatu. Then he suddenly said, “ ” “What’s with the emoti-- ” said Onua. “ ” said Kopaka. Before any more random emoticons could be used, Gali had a sneaking suspicion. She rummaged around behind the couch for a few moments, producing a bottle of shampoo, a velociraptor, an extension cord, and a few bunches of grapes before triumphantly grabbing a kraata and holding it aloft. “A-HA! I knew it had to be one of you. Where did you come from?” “The Thanksgiving feast, last year. Wait, am I in the future?” “A Kraata of Emoticon Control. Figures. Get out of here.” With a whunt, she whunted the Kraata of Emoticon Control off to who knows where. “Hey, that’s my sound effect!” complained Pohatu. Gali sighed. “Well,” she said finally, “Happy 2015, everyone! Here’s to maybe a bit less chaos, though we’re not exactly off to a good start...oh, and Merry Naming Day too, while we’re at it.” “Happy 2015!” the others called out. “You know,” muttered Onua, “we didn’t really do anything too special for Naming Day, but it’s not technically over yet for us! That gives me an idea…. THE END Bob the Word Counting 2015 Villager: This comedy has 4,077 words. These things keep getting longer and longer… ~Happy New Year from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Thanksgiving Special 2014 Christmas Special 2014 Lewa0111 Nuva
  15. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or whatever your celebration of choice, fellow Bionicle fans! As we eagerly await 2015 and our favorite franchise’s return, it’s time for yet another installment of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series. This time, starring everyone’s favorite Visorak and a certain Bohrok-Kal! Note: The previous Christmas special, written back in 2011, can be found here. As usual, a link to the previous comedies in this year’s Holiday Series can be found at the end of this post. Enjoy! Toa Santa and the Web of Not-Shadows A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 3 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 It was a very little-known fact among the denizens of the MU that they all lived inside Mata Nui’s robotic body. It was an even lesser-known fact that Metru Nui, despite being located in Mata Nui’s head, was not the northernmost part of the MU. Mata Nui, in fact, has hair! Inside that hair, atop Mata Nui’s scalp, Toa Santa finished his preparations on the land of Hara-Nui. This was an island at the northernmost part of the MU, meaning it was literally the inside of Mata Nui’s scalp (an accident with a Toa of Gravity long ago meant gravity there was the opposite of the orientation of the rest of the MU). It was also very cold for no particular reason. Toa Santa, being a Toa of Ice, thought this was the perfect place to set up his workshop where he made presents to give to all the good MU denizens each year on Naming Day. “Hey, Mini-Bohrok #1827468217364827365826359871269527813465978236589372648907651! What are you doing?” shouted workshop boss Kohrak-Kal, who had finally achieved his lifelong dream of appearing in a Lewa0111 comedy. The aforementioned Mini-Bohrok looked at the disk in its hand. “I was polishing this disk, and also made fifteen other presents while you were busy saying my very long number.” “Hmm, good point. We should figure out a better numbering system for you guys…” As Kohrak-Kal turned away, Toa Santa entered the room. “Ho ho ho, Happy Naming Day Eve everyone! Are we all ready for the trip?” The Mini-Bohrok all cheered. “We’re definitely ready,” said Kohrak-Kal excitedly. “Though we could use a better numbering system for our Mini-Bohrok. It took me too long to say this one’s number. But anyway, when do we leave?” “Oh, right, you’re new. Transferred here through the Lewa# School of Comedy Internship Program, right? Every year, we leave in our flying Axalara with all of the presents on December 32nd at midnight. We start at Metru Nui and make our way to Mata Nui’s feet I mean...uhh...the southern islands! Yeah, southern islands! Definitely not feet. No idea why I said that.” " " was all Kohrak-Kal had to say in response to that. “The other Bohrok-Kal will be joining us, of course. We only have until midnight on the 33rd to give out gifts to every good MU denizen in the universe, after all! And the bad ones will get Zamor lawn chairs instead!” Kohrak-Kal looked confused. “Wait, Zamor launchers? Wouldn’t most villains like getting a free weapon?” “Not Zamor launchers, Zamor lawn chairs. They look kinda like Zamor launchers, but when you open one, it turns into a lawn chair instead. This usually causes most villains to go crazy when they see it.” “Oh, okay.” “Anyhow, let’s get moving! We’re leaving tomorrow morning at midnight o’clock sharp!” Toa Santa then left the room. “‘Midnight o’clock?’” asked Kohrak-Kal with a . * * * Meanwhile, in Metru Nui, everyone was getting ready for Naming Day Eve in their own way. Matau had decorated a fake tree entirely with pictures and action figures of himself in his Toa days, Vakama kept blaming himself for not having any decorations, Onewa had gone senile and thought it was Halloween again and thus was wearing a Kanohi Puhmpka all day, and the Toa Nuva were busy taking care of the holiday rush at the hotel (except Lewa, who was lazing around in his Manager’s Suite as usual). Turaga Dume in his typical over-the-top holiday obsession had attempted to get the entire Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever decorated to look like a giant Naming Day tree, but mostly just succeeded in somehow setting the entire thing on fire (good news for Tahu, but not too much for anyone else). Even Tava was going all-out baking more pies than usual, enough so there would be 3.14 for everyone in the city. On the roof of the shared hut of Turagas Matau, Nokama, and Whenua, the six Visorak were lounging around, bored. “I’m bored,” said Oohnorak redundantly. I just said that! “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Why don’t we do something fun for Naming Day then? Everyone is preparing in some way.”] “No he isn’t,” observed Keelerak, watching Everyone the weirdly-named Po-Matoran wandering around on the sidewalk below. “In fact I think he’s the only one not celebrating.” “Bah, humbug!” shouted Everyone. Boggarak groaned. “Darn it, I was gonna be the Scrooge reference this year! He stole my idea! Guess I have to be festive after all…” he said, adding an emoticon for good measure. Keelerak just shrugged (somehow). “I feel like Everyone just hates all holidays.” “But that’s not true! Most of us like holidays! I mean, just look at the Toa and Turaga!” argued Vohtarak. “I meant Everyone, not everyone.” “Because that was so helpful,” commented Boggarak sarcastically. “Oh, shut up.” “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Can we please stay focused? What should we do to help celebrate this year?”] “He’s right,” put in Keelerak. “...” [Translation: “Yes I am, thank you!”] “I dunno, what did we do last year? Didn’t we just play online games all day? I think we should do that again,” suggested Vohtarak. “I vote no to that stupid suggestion,” Boggarak answered. Keelerak reached back into the compartment for his Rhotuka spinner, rummaging around beneath the spinner. He tossed out a stuffed Muaka, a few Zamor spheres (which fell off the roof and accidentally enslaved some random Matoran walking below), a Wii remote, a bag of dog food, and some pliers before triumphantly pulling out a large book. “A-ha, here it is!” he crowed. “I knew I had it in here somewhere.” “What is it?” asked Oohnorak, dodging the crows flying out of Keelerak’s pincers. “Is it my autobiography?” “ ” Keelerak emoticonned. “No, and since when do you have an autobiography? This is my scrapbook of all the crazy hilarious adventures we’ve all gotten up to, as well as the others on Metru Nui. Let’s see…” As the emerald Visorak flipped through the book and Roporak tried to shoo away the crows now pecking at his abdomen, Oohnorak started rummaging around through his own compartment but gave up after a few seconds. “Hmm, guess not, then. I thought I had written one, but apparently it’s not here.” “Since when do you write books?” “...” [Translation: “And since when can you not remember if you wrote one or not?”] “Uhh…” uhhed Oohnorak. “Hey, look, a distraction!” “WHERE? I love distractions!” As Vohtarak turned to find the distraction, Oohnorak shot out some webs and Spider-Manned away through the buildings. “‘Spider-Manned?’” asked Boggarak. “Really?” Look, you try finding a better word to describe that! I’m the author, so what I say goes. Now quit complaining. Boggarak groaned. “Ugh...fine…” THANK YOU. Anyway, Keelerak continued flipping through his scrapbook, finally slamming it shut in frustration. “Last year we didn’t do anything. A few of the Toa got together and helped the Narrator recite a Naming Day poem, but that was about it.” “Typical. I told you, we never celebrate anything around here,” said Boggarak. “Which Toa were they? Maybe we can ask them for advice.” “Onua, Tava, Takanuva, Kopaka, Matau, and Nokama, according to this.” Everyone stared at Keelerak. Keelerak stared back at Everyone. “What are you doing here?” “I was looking for the bathroom…” said the Po-Matoran. “ ” all of the Visorak emoticonned. “It’s definitely not on the roof,” Boggarak told the Matoran. “Really?” “That wouldn’t even make any sense.” “...” [Translation: “But BIONICLE characters don’t even go to the--”] “Yeah, okay, whatever,” interrupted Everyone. “I’ll check under the kitchen table next. Bye!” He then left as randomly as he had come. “Well, all that weirdness notwithstanding,” said Boggarak, “did you say Toa Matau and Toa Nokama were helping with the poem last year? That doesn’t make any sense. They were Turaga for hundreds of years before we all moved back here, as proven by the fact that the Toa Nuva are with us. So how could that possibly have been last year?” “Beats me,” said Keelerak. Then an eggbeater appeared out of nowhere and started beating him. “Ow! That’s weird! Stop it!” The eggbeater vanished. “I know why! Because of CHEESE!” suggested Roporak with a . “No one asked your opinion.” Keelerak put his nonexistent chin on one of his pincers, creating a very weird-looking pose for a Visorak, as he thought. “Well, the book says it was last year. Which makes sense, since we just got done with a crazy crossover where we visited the Toa Nuva with Toa Matau and the others. But then how are the Metru all Turaga now? It’s only been a few weeks!” “...” [Translation: “Better not think too hard about it. Our brains will explode.”] “I told you, the Cheese did it! Never doubt the power of Cheese! Cheese is sacred! Cheese is just!” “Enough,” said Vohtarak. “Go form a religion then, if you’re so--” “NO! SHUT UP, VOHTARAK!!” Keelerak, Suukorak, and Boggarak screamed (or in Suukorak’s case, subtitled) simultaneously. “ :ziplip ” emoticonned Vohtarak. Keelerak sighed. “Phew. That was a close one. The last thing we need is another crossover adventure involving CHEESEONICLE.” “Amen to that, brother.” “Aww…” complained Roporak with a . “Trust me, it’s for your own good. So, I guess we’re on our own for ideas this year, and we’ve learned not to take Lewa0111 comedy continuity (or lack thereof) very seriously. Anybody?” There was silence for several long seconds. Suukorak’s subtitles were also absent, so he wasn’t speaking either. “Well,” said Vohtarak finally, “if no one has any other ideas, I guess we’re going with mine. Online games all day!” “We are NOT doing that…” muttered Boggarak. “Then somebody better think of something.” Luckily, the Visorak who weren’t Vohtarak were saved from having to think of an idea on their own when Oohnorak suddenly Spider-Manned (shut up, Boggarak) up from another building. This time, however, they all noticed the webs attached to his rear were now much more colorful. And lit-up. And festive. “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Uhh, Oohnorak? Did you notice you have Naming Day lights stuck to your behind?”] Keelerak held his serious face for about two seconds before he, and the others, all burst out laughing at the sight of Oohnorak with a light-up string attached to his back end. “Shut up, it’s not funny!” “Well, this is a comedy,” Boggarak pointed out. “And it’s hilarious. What happened?” Oohnorak glared at him before explaining. “Apparently, Nuparu borrowed an old building and is using it as a discount Naming Day-themed electronics store. Thing is, Nuparu being Nuparu, he added a whole bunch of extra floors to the store, and put it right smack in one of my usual Spider-Manning spots. So I swung through as usual, and the next thing I know, I’m crashing through a store with Naming Day lights getting stuck to all of my webbing! I think I swallowed a bunch, too, so creating new webbing doesn’t help. It still comes out with lights attached.” “AHAHAHAHAHAHA--okay, sorry, that’s enough,” said Keelerak. “But you did give me a great idea--pffftttchhBAHAHAHAHAHA!” Keelerak, along with the other Visorak, all broke down into more uncontrollable laughter for several moments while Oohnorak just glared at them. Finally, they calmed down again. “Okay, for real this time, I’m done. Anyway, here’s my idea. Oohnorak? Where was Nuparu’s new store again?” “I’ll show you. But...Keelerak, what exactly did you have in mind?” As the six Visorak prepared to Spider-Man (“Ugh…” groaned Boggarak) across the city to find the store, Keelerak explained, “I’ll tell you what I have in mind. We’re going to cover the entire city with--” “CHEESE!!” “ ” was all Keelerak had to say to that interruption. * * * “Careful with that,” warned Kohrak-Kal as a squad of Nuhvok moved large quantities of boxes full of flight Kanoka, Kanohi Kadin, Kanohi Miru, Rahkshi staffs, and other flight-related objects from the storeroom to Toa Santa’s Axalara. Nearby, Nuhvok-Kal used his gravity powers to show off as he helped some Bohrok Va and Mini-Bohrok to bring the even larger quantities of gifts (and boxes of Zamor Lawn Chairs) out of the gift workshop to the Axalara. “Really, Nuhvok-Kal?” “What?” asked the onyx-flavored Bohrok-Kal as he increased gravity around a random Mini-Bohrok, crushing the robotic creature. “I’m bored.” He then continued levitating more packages over to the Axalara. Kohrak-Kal picked up a box of his own and carried it manually over to the Axalara. “This is no time to be goofing around; tonight is Naming Day Eve! This is what we’ve been working for all year!” Nuhvok-Kal shrugged. “Not my fault you have a lame power.” “Lame power! I’ll show you lame…” Kohrak-Kal unleashed a sonic blast that rendered Nuhvok-Kal temporarily deaf. A blizzard mixed with Naming Day lights and Santa hats suddenly blew in, blasting both Bohrok-Kal backward. “Knock it off, both of you,” said a randomly appeared Toa Santa. “We don’t have much time left. Let’s just get all of this loaded up!” Kohrak-Kal immediately returned to his duties when he glanced back at the Axalara. A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Hey, wait a second, how is all of this stuff going to fit on this one vehicle? I know it’s big, but not that big.” “You’ll see for yourself…” said Toa Santa as he turned away with a wink. “Hey, that’s mine!” protested Random Gahlok #272, chasing after Toa Santa to get its wink back. * * * “Prepare for takeoff,” said Toa Santa, riding on his Axalara. In front of it, nine Kikanalo with Kanohi Kadin duct taped to their feet were tied up, their backs loaded with more boxes full of gifts. The Axalara was weighted down with even more gifts, and behind it, a bizarre contraption made of superglued-together Rahkshi staffs, Miru, and Flight Kanoka was tied to the vehicle, holding the vast majority of the gifts and lawn chairs atop it. “Uh...are you sure this is safe?” asked Kohrak-Kal. “Relax, brother,” said Gahlok-Kal, tapping her brother on the shoulder. Then she paused. “Ah. Sorry. Darn magnetism...talk about an annoying power,” she added once they realized her handplate was now stuck to Kohrak-Kal’s armor. “Just great.” “Hang on a second,” said Toa Santa, chucking a giant Naming Day tree at the two of them. The tree hit Gahlok-Kal’s handplate and unstuck it, though now she had a Naming Day tree magnetized to herself instead. “That’s slightly better, I guess. Now let’s go!” The Bohrok-Kal quickly climbed aboard (and Gahlok-Kal accidentally knocked several Mini-Bohrok off the vehicle with her Naming Day tree-hand in the process) as Toa Santa began the takeoff. “On Olmak, on Kaukau, on Elda, on Zatth! On Shelek, on Huna, on Sanok, on Crast! And you too, Vahi,” he added, referring to the red-horned Kikanalo at the front of the line. As one, the nine Kikanalo launched themselves into the air, dragging the vehicle and attached platform along with them. The Naming Day procession soared through the air on the way to Metru Nui. “The Kikanalo are all named after Kanohi?” asked Kohrak-Kal. Gahlok-Kal shrugged, accidentally knocking Lehvak-Kal off the vehicle with her tree-hand. “Oops, sorry...yeah, Toa Santa likes the theme. There’s no particular reason.” Lehvak-Kal rocketed back up onto the vehicle using his vacuum powers. “GAHLOK-KAL YOU MAGNETIC LITTLE #### YOU DAUGHTER OF A #### ####### ## I’M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR ######## ### ### AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR ##### ######## #### AND THEN ## ### ## # #### ON YOUR ###### ## #### ### WITH ############### IN THE ### ## #### # ### AND ### ### ###### ### ## YOUR ### ###### # ############ SO THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO ########### #### ## ##### SIDEWAYS! ###########################################!” “ ” emoticonned Gahlok-Kal. “That was...interesting. Talk about an overreaction.” “Okay, glad I got that out of my system. I’m not mad anymore! ” “ :doubleblink: ” emoticonned Gahlok-Kal again. “That’s not even a real emoticon, and also, no swearing allowed on the Axalara,” said Toa Santa. “Stay focused! We’re almost there!” “Sorry,” said Lehvak-Kal sheepishly, growing wool and walking on all fours as he did so. “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…” Finally, the Axalara carrying one Toa of Naming Day, five normal Bohrok-Kal, and one sheepish Bohrok-Kal shot out of the tunnels and entered Metru Nui’s airspace--only to run into a group of Dark Hunters on a boat. Upon closer examination, the three Dark Hunters in question were Zaktan, Hakann, and Avak, arguing about something as usual and adding even more confusing questions to the earlier-discussed continuity snarl in Lewa0111 comedies. “Okay, Nuhvok-Kal, will you do the honors?” asked Toa Santa. “Gladly!” exclaimed the Bohrok-Kal in question as he rummaged through one box until he found three Zamor Lawn Chairs. “Here you go, catch!” “What the--?” asked the Piraka simultaneously as the three lawn chairs landed in their hands. “See you later!” Toa Santa’s procession continued onward as the Piraka opened their packages. “Cool, a Zamor Launcher!” exclaimed Hakann. “Let’s use this!” He opened the package--which promptly expanded into a lawn chair, knocking him into the air only to land with a crash in the water. “WHAT THE OAIJSDFOAIWEJFWEOJBOIJA”PSIEJFAOIJGAOIHGAJRLFIHAE…” * * * “YEEEOWW!” screamed Kohrak-Kal suddenly as he was yanked off the Axalara and blinded by light. “What’s going on?” Beside him, Gahlok-Kal and Toa Santa were similarly suspended. The other Kohrak-Kal, the Axalara and attachment, and the nine Kikanalo were nowhere to be seen. “Someone tried to trap us!” said the Toa of Naming Day. “Hold on, I’ll get us out of here.” Toa Santa pulled his Naming Day Tree-shaped Toa tool off of Gahlok-Kal’s handplate and started focusing his power to blast away the sticky strands of Naming Day lights. “Look out below!” “Wait, why--AAAAAAAH!” screamed Kohrak-Kal as he plummeted to the ground several mio below. They looked around to take stock of their surroundings. The Axalara and its attached platformdog were hovering just above the ground a short distance away, and the other Bohrok-Kal were still suspended in what they could now see were webs covered in Naming Day lights stretching between the buildings above. “All right, very funny,” groaned Toa Santa. “We’ve got a real prankster on Metru Nui this year--they’re definitely getting a lawn chair if I can find out who did it. Now, let me get the others down and--” He was interrupted by the arrival of six Visorak who approached their group in a circle. Why their group was suddenly in a circle, Toa Santa didn’t know, and anyway, he had bigger problems. “Hey, we caught something just like I said! Told you I know everything!” exclaimed Oohnorak. “You don’t know everything, you just know this thing,” retorted Keelerak. “And--wait a minute, this can’t be right! Is that who I think it is!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Pohatu appeared. “I love--” “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!” shouted the Visorak, Toa Santa, and the Bohrok-Kal. With a , Pohatu jumped back through his time-comedy warp portal into The Nuva Inn. “Wait a minute, you’re the Visorak from Ask Matau!, aren’t you? That means--” said Toa Santa. “You’re Toa Santa, aren’t you?” said Keelerak at the same time. “WAIT, YOU REALLY EXIST!?!?!?” both shouted simultaneously. Gahlok-Kal magnetized the portal shut before Pohatu could return. An awkward silence followed. “Well, this is an awkward silence,” muttered Kohrak-Kal. I just said that! You’re as bad as Oohnorak. DON’T COMMENT, OOHNORAK. “...” said Suukorak. [Translation: “Well, somehow I don’t think any of us expected this. Now what?”] “Yeah, uh, sorry about that,” added Keelerak. “We weren’t exactly expecting you.” “Who were you expecting, then?” “Onewa!” Toa Onewa suddenly fell from the sky and landed in the webbing. “HEY! What did I ever do to you, huh?” Keelerak thought for a moment. “Let’s see...you insulted Matau, creeped on Nokama, annoyed Whenua, look like chocolate, have an ugly mask, generally act like a word I can’t say on BZP, and also sent us tons of viruses. Is that enough, or should I go on?” “YOU LET ME DOWN FROM HERE RIGHT NOW--” Oohnorak promptly tangled Onewa up even further so that his mouth was covered by the webbing. “How about no? Now, Toa Santa, where’s my gift?” “Your gift?” asked Toa Santa. “You haven’t been too nice this year. You’ve been egotistical, arrogant, condescending…” “Those are all compliments, right?” “You’re as bad as Matau,” groaned Boggarak. “I HEARD THAT!” shouted Matau all the way in Le-Metru. Toa Santa sighed. “Well, if you insist...Kohrak-Kal, do you mind grabbing me a Zamor from my bag?” Kohrak-Kal grabbed a Zamor Lawn Chair and handed it to Oohnorak. Oohnorak looked at the device. “Cool, thanks! I’ll open it later, though. First, we need to finish working on that giant statue of me I had Hafu carve.” “When did you have Hafu--you know what, never mind. I don’t want to know,” said Keelerak. “Toa Santa, do you need our help? We’re really sorry you got stuck in our prank web. But you have to admit, it is festive!” Toa Santa glanced upward at the webs of lights strung across the city. “It certainly is. And I thank you. Do you mind freeing my Kikanalo first? They can help me out.” “No problem! Guys, let’s do this.” “Sorry, I’m busy,” said Vohtarak, sitting by himself with a laptop. “CHEESE!” shouted Roporak, pulling out a gigantic spray-can of cheese and spraying Toa Santa with it. Keelerak rolled his eyes (somehow). “Sorry about them...okay, the rest of us, let’s go.” Keelerak, Oohnorak, Suukorak, and Boggarak all climbed up the webs, leaving the two obsession-crazed Visorak behind, and crawled across to where the nine Kikanalo were trapped. They all positioned themselves between two Kikanalo each. “On three. One, two, three!” shouted Boggarak, and they all cut the webs. “BLARGHLGLARGHL!” blarghlglarghled the Kikanalo, which all zoomed off in random directions, soaring over the horizon and lost to sight. The Visorak collectively facepalmed. “Great…” groaned Oohnorak. “...” [Translation: “Now what? Santa’s Kikanalo all flew away.”] “That’s all right,” said Toa Santa, hovering near them on his Axalara. “We’ll just make Lehvak-Kal and Nuhvok-Kal pull the Axalara instead!” “Why us!?” demanded Lehvak-Kal. “Because they took our only Kadin available, and you two are the only ones who can remotely come close to flying. Now get pulling! We’ve got a job to do. Bye Visorak, have fun with your pranks!” “Wha--you’re leaving already? Talk about an abrupt ending…” “Yes, well, this comedy has dragged on long enough for a one-post, and the night is almost over. I have every being in the MU to visit, after all! Which reminds me--here are your gifts,” he added, pulling out five neatly-wrapped packages to hand out to everyone besides Oohnorak. “Now, let’s be off!” With a very grumpy Nuhvok-Kal and Lehvak-Kal pulling it, the Axalara and the attached platform flew up above Metru Nui and zoomed away to visit a less webby island. “Think maybe we should take down the webs so he can come back to deliver Metru Nui’s presents?” suggested Keelerak. “Nah,” said Boggarak. “What’s the worst that could happen?” * * * Meanwhile, Vahi the red-horned Kikanalo kept struggling against its sticky, light-covered bonds. “Garreeeerrrrt!” it yelled in Kikanaloese, or, in English, “Umm, anyone? A little help here?” THE END Bob the Word Counting Kikanalo: This comedy has 3,817 words. HOLY GADUNKA! Gadunka: What? Bob: Not you….and I’m not reusing old jokes from the last holiday. Go away. Gadunka: Fine… ~Merry Christmas from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Thanksgiving Special 2014 :mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva
  16. Happy New Year, everyone! Kind of a strange way to start off a Christmas-titled post, but hey. As the holidays themselves were extremely busy for me (and I spent several days in there trying to post the latest update to Ask Matau! amid technical difficulties), I have fallen a bit behind schedule. Gee, what a shock. Still, not EVERYTHING is behind schedule. Both the Christmas and New Year's entries in the Holiday Series were posted more or less on time, and Ask Matau! and TNI both finished up their respective parts of the crossover saga. Not to mention Christmas still isn't over for you Lewa0111 fans; everyone's favorite dysfunctional hotel staff are still forging ahead with a (rather late) Christmas song contest! Those of you long-time fans may remember this from the old TNI. It returns beginning tomorrow! After the Christmas special is over, TNI and Ask Matau! will resume more-or-less normally from there on out. Since the archives are gone for good, I won't be remaking any old chapters other than vague plotlines that I remembered myself. You are more than welcome to send me hints that you might remember from the old comedies to help jog my memory as well, including Guest Star roles or other things. Hack Wars seems to have dwindled in popularity, so I'm leaving that one alone for the time being but will come back to it at some point. I'm also working on tracking down the rest of GMSM and Comedicle/QFTCJP. If I succeed, I'll re-post whatever else I can find from those, though what's been posted for GMSM is all I have at the moment. And the Holiday Series will continue in February, naturally. Bye for now! Must...buy...Lewa...2015... Lewa0111 Nuva
  17. Hello everyone! Just thought I'd post a quick update to let everyone know that The Nuva Inn has returned! After over a year of hiatus, the pie saga has been concluded with an extra-long chapter. Matau will also be getting his own finale chapter sometime soon, and of course the Christmas Song Contest will begin as well! Stay tuned for a holiday season filled with Lewa0111ishness! Nuju: According to the 12th Edition of the New Enhanced Scholastic Collegiate Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word "Lewa0111ishness"-- Everyone: NERD! Nuju: Lewa0111 Nuva
  18. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! (Unless you live outside of America. In which case, happy end-of-November, everyone! (Unless you live outside of Earth. In which case, happy generic day for no reason, everyone! (Unless you live outside of existence. In which case, happy nothing, because you don’t exist! (Whoa, parenthesis within parenthesis. (This is so weird! (Okay, I’m done now. Sorry for getting carried away…)))))) Hopefully you all had a day free of insane pie-obsessed Matoran. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for our favorite Bionicle comedy characters! So now I present to you the second installment of the revived Lewa# Studios Holiday Series for your listening reading enjoyment. Note: The previous Thanksgiving Day special, one of the few that survived the archives, can be found here if anyone is interested. A link to the previous comedies in this year's Holiday Series can be found at the end of the topic. Enjoy! A Thanksmatau Day Feast A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 2 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 Turaga Nokama sighed for the 9,321st time that week as the unconscious costumed Toa Nuva were carted away by the Vahki. Matau was still laughing his mask off in the other room at his Madu-related prank, but Nokama was less than amused. “Matau,” she said, “what in Mata Nui’s brain possessed you to ruin yet another holiday? At your age, you really should have matured by now.” “But I am mature! Just because I’m mature doesn’t mean I can’t act like a little kid and pull pranks and be childish! ...Or does it? What does “mature” mean again?” “It’s times like these that I can’t tell if you’re senile or just dumb.” “If you must know, it was Whenua’s idea. Besides, Turaga Dume’s holidays ruin themselves without fail every single time. It’s not like I could possibly have made anything worse,” Matau pointed out, completely ignoring Nokama’s insult as usual. To add to his point, a large explosion echoed from the general direction of the Coliseum as the big pumpkin the Matoran had been attempting to stick on the top of the building spontaneously combusted for no apparent reason, raining pumpkin chunks everywhere. “See?” “PIE! I’ll make a Pumpkin Pie!!” shouted Tava, who had somehow awakened instantaneously due to the smell of potential pie ingredients. The Toa of Pie started running around hyperly, gathering all of the pumpkin pieces together to bake hundreds of pies, which he promptly ate. “Just promise me you’ll be on your best behavior for the next holiday. What is the next holiday, anyway?” “Let me see…” Matau pulled out the large stone tablet that Turaga Dume had chiseled the dates of all of his holidays for that year upon. “Hey, look at that! Next up is Thanksgiving! That’s one of my favorite holidays!” With a , Nokama asked, “Why Thanksgiving? Last year as I recall, you got beaten up by Keetongu. I’d think you would hate that holiday.” “Last year wasn’t too great, but I mostly like reminiscing about one of our earliest Thanksgivings. It was back when we were still Toa...back in the days of Ask Matau!...” Matau promptly fell asleep. So did Nokama a few minutes later due to the boredom of Matau being asleep. Luckily, however, when Nokama fell asleep, she accidentally landed on the Random Flashback Generator Button (a gift from Nixie some time before). The generator immediately flashed back to the very same holiday that Matau had mentioned in a remarkable coincidence. [FLASHBACK!] Toa Matau logged off of his computer and sat back in his chair. “Another hilarious episode of Ask Matau! finished!” he said contentedly. “So, Nokama, did you want to go out--” *SLAP!* “--go outside because it’s hot in here,” finished Matau with a . “Oh, oops...sorry! Whenua, do you mind?” asked Nokama. “No problem!” The Toa Metru of Earth lifted Matau up and threw him into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back out, wide awake, riding a wave of cheese with a very ecstatic Roporak surfing on said wave and shoveling cheese into his mouth. “There, he’s awake.” “What was that for!?!?!?!?!?” demanded Matau as he spat cheese out of his mouth. Pohatu appeared but was shoved back by the cheese wave into the time-comedy warp vortex before he could say his line. Whenua shrugged. “Like I said. You’re awake. Anyway, what should we do now?” “We could start another episode--” Matau began, but was cut off when he noticed Vohtarak had already taken the computer. “Or not.” “Why don’t you all go into the city and walk around for a while?” offered Keelerak. “We Visorak can watch the house.” “HA! No way, that sounds boring. I’d rather do...not-that.” “Well, I think it’s a great idea,” said Nokama. “Exploring Metru Nui is always fun.” Immediately Matau got excited. “Of course, that’s a brilliant idea! Let’s explore Metru Nui! That would be super fun and I always wanted to do that!” he exclaimed. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” “ “ Keelerak emoticonned. “Whatever, we’ll see you three later!” * * * The three Toa Metru (or as Matau would put it, the Three Awesome Metru) walked through Le-Metru in the general direction of the Coliseum. Luckily, the Coliseum was so big, even Matau couldn’t get lost if he was looking for it. The streets, however, were oddly devoid of Matoran. “Where is everyone, I wonder?” asked Nokama. “I’m right here, duh,” said Everyone, a Po-Matoran with a weird name. “Are you wondering why I’m not at that feast, too? I figured there’s always next year.” “Feast?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. “No, but it sounds interesting,” Nokama said to Everyone. “This is the first I’ve heard of the feast. I guess we should check it out. Where is it?” “At the Coliseum. Or Colosseum. However you spell it. Bye!” Everyone left as randomly as he had come. “Food?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. Nokama looked at them. “Wow, you must be hungry if that’s all you can say…” she observed, after realizing that they hadn’t eaten all day due to the kitchen-destroying cheese tsunami from earlier. “Let’s get to the Coliseum and check out this feast.” “FOOD! YES THANK YOU NOKAMA YOU ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU!!” Matau then tried to kiss Nokama, but the Toa of Water ducked and sent him flying four paragraphs ahead with a well-placed *SLAP!* “ “ emoticonned Whenua. “That was...violent.” “Eh, I’m having a bad day. Let’s just go.” The Toa continued onward until they got close to the Coliseum. From there, they could smell something very delicious wafting out from inside the building. “Mmm, that smells great!” “It’s all my fault there’s all this food! It’s all my fault it smells so good! It’s all my fault there’s so much pie!” said a voice from inside. “It’s all my fault that it’s annoying! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault!” Surprisingly, it wasn’t Vakama who came out to greet them, however. Instead, it was Onewa, who quickly slammed the doors shut to muffle Vakama’s constant complaints. “Nokama! Just the Toa I wanted to see. Finally decided to ditch Matau? Great, then you can sit with me for the feast! No hard feelings, Whenua, but she’s mine now--MMMMMMF!” The “MMMMMMF!” was because at that moment, Matau had flown in from four paragraphs ago and landed on top of the Toa of Stone. Matau looked down at the flattened Onewa. “Oh, good, it wasn’t anyone not-annoying.” He stood up and brushed himself off. “Ouch…” “Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I hit a little too hard,” apologized Nokaam. “Wait, don’t tell me the Kraata of Letter Control was invited, too!” “Of course I was!” said the aforementioned kraata, slithering over the unconscious Oonywah. “That’s right!” added Turaga Dume who had come outside to see what was going on. “Everyone who is anyone is here! But not anyone who is Everyone, unfortunately. I asked, but he didn’t seem interested.” “Yeah, we met him already. Can we come?” “Sure! You’re everyone who is anyone, but not Everyone! Of course you’re invited!” “I’m confused…” muttered Matau as they walked inside. * * * Upon entering the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever, the three Toa Metru were assaulted by all kinds of smells (mostly food), sights (Vakama annoying Nuju into unconsciousness, Tava running around like a maniac eating pies, Vahki looking forlonrly at the food they were unable to eat due to being robots, the Kraata of Letter Control making me spell “forlornly” wrong a few words ago), sounds (Tava’s omnipresent shout of “PIE!”, the grunts of random Rahi that had also been invited, the squish of pies being flung into Tava’s open mouth), and other things. A massive ringed table had been set up in the center of the building, but unfortunately, only the outer part of the ring was being used due to the table being so wide that no one could reach the inside without stepping in a lot of the food. “Well,” said Whenua, “let’s eat!” He, Matau, and Nokama found three empty seats in a row, in between a Kraata of Emoticons and Random Matoran #35. ”I call middle!” shouted Matau, sitting in the middle chair. “Ouch!” yelled Minifigure Kongu, who Matau had just accidentally sat on. “Watch where you put your butt!” “Oops,” said Matau with a , as he started sprouting wool, walking on four legs, and generally turning into a sheep. Nokama just sighed. “Guess he’s sheepish again.” “ *rimshot* “ rimshotted Random Matoran #35. “Nah, it’s okay, I can move. I was getting annoyed about not being able to see the food, anyway,” said Minifigure Kongu as he hopped up onto the table and took a seat on a dinner roll. Or, rather, a Dinner Roll Pie, since every food on the table was actually made in pie form. Whenua stared after the sheepish Matau. “Guess we have to wait for him to be done, then….” * * * Several minutes later, Matau had un-sheepified himself and sat down between Nokama and Whenua. “Sorry, I was sheepish,” he said, “what did I miss? Ooh! Food!” Matau immediately began grabbing slices of the many, many pies on the table. “Not much, to be honest. Just randomness, as usual. Minifigure Kongu fell into a Gravy Pie, Tava had to be restrained with a straightjacket made of Antipie over in the corner, and somebody accidentally invited the Piraka for no reason, so they’ve been stealing everyone else’s pies. Other than that, it’s been pretty normal.” “...” ellipsed Matau, the only reasonable response to such a description. “Huh. Oh well!” He immediately began digging in to all the food. “Hey, use your own Toa tools!” complained Whenua, snatching his drills back from Matau who had been using them to dig with. “But Air Katana aren’t as good at digging!” Just then, Nokama noticed Turaga Dume attempting to get everyone’s attention up on his elevating platform thing. However, he appeared to be performing some sort of weird charades. “Guys, look!” “ “ emoticonned Whenua, growing an afro on his head. “ “ agreed Matau. Nokama stared at the two Toa in puzzlement for several moments, and then noticed the nearby Kraata of Emoticon Control. “That does it,” she groaned, and summoned a massive waterspout beneath said kraata’s chair, sending the creature flying into the next year. “Thank you,” said Whenua. “What’s Dume doing?” Dume went into a flurry of hand motions that resembled the Chicken Dance before launching into something much like the Macarena, which looked especially weird without music. Then there was a sudden commotion from somewhere behind the Three Awesome Metru, and Nuparu jumped up from inside a maintenance hatch in the floor, his mask askew and covered in engine oil. “Sorry, Dume! I didn’t realize--hang on!” He then ducked back in and seemed to be rummaging around, tossing out various random objects including an old Olmak, a few protodermis canisters, a two-headed Tarakava, a Bohrok, and a paperclip. As soon as the paperclip flew away, an earsplitting screech echoed through the area. “OWWWW!” screamed Matau. “WHAT THE KARZAHNI IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” A cheese-covered Pohatu appeared and said his usual line, but no one could hear him over the racquet. He jumped off the tennis racquet and repeated his line. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!” shouted Matau, shoving him back through the time-comedy warp vortex. With a , Pohatu vanished. “Sorry, sorry!” yelled Nuparu, making a few more adjustments to the whatever-it-was beneath the floor. Finally, the screeching stopped, and Turaga Dume’s voice echoed through the building: “AHEM! Testing, 1, 2, 3...Is this thing on? Mega-Muaka-mauled-a-mob-of-mighty-Mukau. Oh good, it’s working!” Seeing everyone staring up at him with an expression resembling the “blink” emoticon on their faces, he quickly continued, “Sorry about that, we’ve been having issues with Nuparu’s new sound system all day. Anyway, welcome to the first ever Metru Nui Thanksgiving feast!” “Hey, didn’t the first feast already happen? Or...happen in the future? Or whatever? I’m pretty sure Takanuva went nuts, everyone went on quests to find various food items, and lots of shenanigans involving pie happened,” shouted Random Matoran #35. “Right, first, that originally happened, but it is no longer canon since the comedy got deleted in the BZP archive purge, so it doesn’t count. And second, no breaking the fourth wall.” “HYPOCRITE!” shouted Random Matoran #35. A hippo inside a crate suddenly landed on his head. “ “ he emoticonned. “I said hypocrite, not hippo crate!” The hippo-in-crate disappeared as randomly as it had come. Dume cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention again. “So, yes, anyhow. I’m pleased to announce this new holiday and I think it is important that we all celebrate things. So let’s eat!” In a move that shocked everyone (but no one more than Nokama), Matau of all people raised his hand to interrupt, rather than just continuing to eat like crazy. “Hey Dume, you didn’t explain what this holiday is for, anyway!” “ “ Dume emoticonned. “Matau!?” Nokama put one foot on the time-comedy warp vortex that was about to open before Pohatu could reuse his joke from earlier. “Yeah, I’m surprised too...who are you and what have you done with Matau Metru?” “Calm down, everyone, can’t I ask a question once in a while? Artakha, people, come on!” Artakha, who had been ignored by everyone up until now but was indeed at the feast, looked up from a mouthful of pie. “What?” “Not you, I just said ‘Artakha’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh. That’s confusing as all Karzahni…” “WHAT!?” demanded Karzahni, halfway through an Evil Pie. “Not you, I just said ‘Karzahni’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh,” said Karzahni. “Artakha! That’s hard to follow.” “What?” asked Artakha. “Not you, I just said--” “ENOUGH ALREADY!” demanded Dume, cranking the volume on the sound system up to full blast and cutting off the overly-long joke. “Also, no swearing in BIONICLE. Let’s get back on topic. To answer your question, Matau, this is a holiday commemorating...something, I’m not sure what, but basically we are thankful for everything in our lives. Thankful for this city, this building, the pie on our plates, the pie in our stomachs, the Matoran who work to keep everything running, the Toa who protect us, the--” “Hey,” Matau interrupted again. “What was that last one?” “‘The Toa who protect us?’” Nokama facepalmed. “Oh no, I know where this is going…” she groaned. Beside her, Whenua rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. “That’s a great idea!” said Matau, getting up from the table and walking over to where Nuparu was still fiddling with his machinery. “I think we should focus completely on that. Hey Nuparu, can I borrow your sound system for a minute?” “No,” said Nuparu. “Okay, great.” Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and addressed the audience: "Huh?" asked the audience. Oh, sorry. My bad. Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and spoke to the audience: “I definitely like your idea, Dume, don’t get me wrong, but doesn’t that seem like a lot of stuff to worry about being thankful for? I have a better idea: we should use this day to be thankful for one thing in particular. The Toa who protect us, as you said! Or, three of those Toa in particular. We should use this day to be thankful for the Three Awesome Metru: my super-cool best friend Whenua, the totally hot Nokama, and the greatest Toa-Hero of all time, me! Toa Mat--” *SLAP!!* The “slap heard ‘round the city” echoed through the Coliseum, magnified by the microphone Matau was still holding. “You really should have seen that one coming,” Nokama muttered. “I...didn’t...think… “ said Matau. Whenua walked over to Nokama and Matau, looking down at the barely-coherent Toa of Air. “Uh-oh...anybody on hand to heal him?” Tava ran out of the kitchens with several pies in his hands. As he ran, he ate all but one of the pies. “Pie!” exclaimed the pie-obsessed Matoran, holding aloft his last pie. “I made a Panacea Pie!” As they all watched, he pied Matau in the face with it, instantly healing the Toa of Air. “I’m gonna go make a Thanksmatau Pie, see you later!” He immediately dashed back into the kitchen, chanting decimals of pi to himself as he did so. “Wow, that was great! Good job, weird pie-obsessed Matoran!” He looked around at the assembled crowd. “Actually, that gave me an idea.” “We should thank Tava for healing you?” offered Nokama. Matau scoffed. “Of course not, that’s ridiculous, and who’s ‘Tava’ anyway? No, I have an idea for the new holiday! From now on, I declare that this holiday will no longer be called ‘Thanksgiving,’ because that was a stupid name anyway (and actually is a hilarious swear word in Chutespeak, but never mind that). Instead, it will be called ‘Thanksmatau Day!’ A day where everyone goes around and thanks me (and the other two Awesome Metru) for helping protect the city, control elements, and generally be awesome.” Dume’s jaw dropped and stayed there for several seconds. “That...is the single dumbest thing that has ever come out of your mouth, Matau. And that’s saying something!” Matau shrugged. “Hey, at least it’s better than your last maybe-non-canon attempt at a Thanksgiving feast…” “A fair point, but still.” Just then, a flying vehicle zoomed so fast through the building that it crashed through the wall. Matau and the others barely had time to register Kongu behind the controls with a screaming Tamaru behind him before the vehicle crashed into the far wall, landing on the ground and skidding directly toward Vakama. “AAH!” screamed the Toa Metru of Fire. “It’s all my fault that vehicle is crashing! It’s all my fault Tamaru’s scared! It’s all my fault I’m gonna die! It’s all my fault I’m in the way!” Matau, more because Vakama was annoying him and he thought Kongu was cool rather than particularly wanting to save the annoying Toa, summoned a tornado that grabbed the vehicle and lifted it up, setting it down safely outside the building’s entrance (and on top of the still-unconscious Onewa, incidentally). “Never fear!” said Matau, striking a stereotypical superhero pose. “I, Toa Matau, have saved the day again as usual! Now you have something else to thank me for!” “Wow,” said Vakama, wiping his nonexistent brow at the near-miss. “Thanks, Matau!” “ “ gasped everyone. “He said something other than ‘It’s all my fault!’” “I thought you said you weren’t coming!” Dume demanded of Everyone, who just shrugged and grabbed a pie to eat. “It’s all my fault I said something besides ‘It’s all my fault!’” whined Vakama. “It’s all my fault Matau saved the day! It’s all my fault Everyone is here!” Kongu and a petrified Tamaru walked in (well, Kongu walked in, Tamaru just sort of shuffled in out of fear). “Thanks for the save-rescue, Matau,” said Kongu. “Yeah...th-th-thanks for p-permitting-letting me n-not die!” agreed Tamaru. Nokmaa rolexed her eyeyeys. “Oh, great. The last thing we need is people supporting this crazy Matau holiday. AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING!” she added, glaring at the kraata of letter control. “It’s all my fault I thanked Matau! It’s all my fault I’m supporting this holiday! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fau--” Matau promptly knocked Vakama out with a randomly appeared rubber mallet. “THANKS, MATAU!” shouted everyone in the entire building, relieved at not having to listen to Vakama any longer. “Awesome!" said Matau. “This is getting off to a great start, don’t you agree?” Nokama just looked at Whenua, who had his head in his hands. “Let’s just go home and pretend this never happened, okay?” “I completely agree,” said Whenua. As the two Toa Metru turned to leaf, Matau noticed them. “Uh, Nokama, Whenua, have you looked at yourselves lately?” Leaf-Nokama and Leaf-Whenua looked down at themselves and indeed noticed that they had each transformed into a giant Toa-shaped leaf. “Weird…” said Leaf-Whenua. Brutaka accidentally stepped on the kraata of letter control, and the Toa Metru immediately transformed back to normal as they turned to leave. “That makes slightly more sense. But where are you going?” “Matau, this holiday of yours has gotten out of control. We were all having fun until you came along!” “Talk-speak for y-y-yourself…” muttered a still badly-shaken Tamaru. “Well, I like Thanksmatau Day! I think it’s a great holiday.” Whenua shook his head. “I think it would be more fun if we went back to your house and hung out there. Too many not-awesome people.” Just then, Nuju wandered past, babbling about grammar, calculus, and other extremely nerdy things that no one cared about. “See what I mean?” Matau looked at Nuju, Vakama, and the squished Onewa outside, who was just beginning to walk toward Matau with a very angry look on his face. “Hmm...good point. They do diminish my awesome Toa-Hero self. Okay, let’s go!” The Toa of Air jumped onto the crashed vehicle from earlier, smacked it across the dashboard, and it immediately rose up into the air. “Hop on!” “There is no way we’re riding in that,” commented Nokama. “Why can’t we just walk?” “Walking takes too long, for one, and it’s too boring for someone like me, for two. No need to thank me! Actually, there is a need to thank me, it’s Thanksmatau Day after all!” “I’m going to regret this…” muttered Nokama as she and Whenua climbed onto the vehicle. * * * *CRASH! BANG! SMASH! BAZOOK! CHUGALABANIGERF!* Three very dazed Toa Metru stumbled out of the vehicle’s wreckage and into Matau’s house. “I knew we should have walked…” muttered Nokama. “Let’s do that again sometime...” said Matau, still half-conscious. “Muaka...penguin...pizza…” gibberished Whenua. However, all three of them were instantly snapped back to their senses when they opened the door. The entire house was drenched in cheese, which upon further inspection had been used to fill a massive pie crust the size of Matau’s living room and kitchen combined. Atop the pie stood Tava and Roporak, who were apparently trying to figure out how to fit their massive creation into the oven. “CHEESE PIE!” Roporak shouted excitedly. “Like it?” “ “ emoticonned the three Toa. [/END FLASHBACK!] Back in the present, Matau woke up as the flashback generator ran out of batteries and powered down. “Huh? What? Darn whippersnappers always on my lawn! Back in the old days, we didn’t have lawns!” “Matau, we still don’t have a lawn,” Nokama pointed out. “Oh. Right,” he said. “Well, the moral of the story is: never leave Visorak unattended!” “What?” asked Turaga Whenua, shuffling into the room. “What are you talking about?” “I have absolutely no idea. But it’s Thanksmatau Day soon, so we should get ready! Where are all those pictures of me as a Toa?” Nokama sighed. “Some things never change….” THE END Bob the Word Counting Gukko: This comedy has 3,859 words. ~Happy Thanksgiving from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Lewa0111 Nuva
  19. Hello everyone! At long last, I finally finished a (belated) Thanksgiving special! Would have gotten it up earlier but I was stuck with writer's block about halfway through it. Ah well, it's there anyway. Check it out! On a somewhat related note, the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Solstice/Naming Day/whatever season is upon us, and I've decided to do something a little different this time around. On the way home from work the other day, I had some Christmas songs playing and I found myself absent-mindedly singing the lyrics to "Billy the Off-Color Pie," "The 12 Days of TNI," "The First No 'L'," and "Jingle Judge," among others. You know what that means... The TNI Christmas Story Arc is returning! Yeah, I decided it was high time I got off my butt and went back to Lewa and the gang, just in time for the holidays. I'll be finishing up the last chapter of the pie saga and then getting right into the holiday spirit! I'm sure that wasn't the actual order of things in the original, but it's lost anyway so who cares? Time for some TNI this holiday season! Of course, I still plan to write a regular holiday one-post on the day itself (or as close as I can), but this will give me more motivation to keep going with TNI. Check back for updates and have a great holiday season, everyone! Lewa0111 Nuva
  20. Hello, everyone, Lewa0111 here! As several of you probably know, I recently held a vote in my blog for which of my prose comedies I would repost and update first, and the winner was this comedy, The BZ-Nui Hack Wars. As a result, I will be reposting old chapters once a day until I catch up to where I was originally, at which time I will try to write new chapters twice a week, most likely Wednesdays and Saturdays. For those of you who never read the original topic, this comedy is based on the true events surrounding the MiB hackings of BZPower's forums in the spring of 2009, during which I myself was hacked and temporarily banned. Several actual BZPower members who were a part of the original movement to get me unbanned (and several who weren't) applied to be in the original topic, and since the story wouldn't make sense without them, they will still appear. If you want to appear in the comedy, just let me know! My real-life college friend, who is known as Gabriella0111: Toa of Music here on BZP, also co-authored a few of the chapters (and was involved in the original events), so if I'm ever too busy to update sometime down the line, I might ask her to post the next chapter instead. And now, presenting... THE BZ-NUI HACK WARS A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Chapter 1: Lewa0111 Tava: Hey, cool! That's a lot of '1's in that title! By the way, did you know that '1' is the second number in Pi? Pi goes like this: 3.14159265358979323-- Random Guys From Monty Python: SHUT THE KARZAHNI UP!! Tava: Fine... *leaves* Author Me: Well, that was weird...this is supposed to be a prose comedy anyway! Oh well, on with the show! Deep within the tangled labyrinth of a planet that is the Internet, known as Cyber Magna, lies a secluded and largely-forgotten island called BZ-Nui. Its population of OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! members, led by the almighty Staff, work hard to keep the island free of the constant plagues, spam, and all-around bad things that were constantly around the rest of Cyber Magna. Despite this, the occasional attack still occurred, such as the time the infamous Spam Trio, made up of conner, king at the sok factoree, and leeningtower of pizza, broke through BZ-Nui's gated walls and sprayed graffiti about things like 'do we rly hav 2 follow the ruls', 'brakelatabasaasta feed me ', and 'my foot on a toenail' all around the island. They were eventually captured, although the graffiti was left there, mainly because of how hilarious it all was. Or the time when a crazy Maori warrior went on a killing spree and destroyed several members before being banished forever. But all of these times, life went on...yet that was about to change... "Ouch! Darn Board Message..." groaned Lewa0111, massaging his hand where the large, metal Board Message had slammed shut on it, crushing the notebook in which he had been writing out the latest chapter of Ask Matau!. "Not again. Why do these things always show up whenever I'm about to post a comedy chapter?" Behind him, Toa Gabriella: Toa of Music laughed. "Make sure it wasn't the Rahkshi of Coincidence Control again...otherwise, I'd say it's just bad luck. I guess we'll both have to take a walk until this thing lifts." "Yeah, probably. I was planning on going over to Bioniclestory.com for a while--I heard there's a new story cereal up!" "Don't you mean 'serial?'" asked Lewa0111. "No, I mean 'cereal.' Haven't you heard of the new "Reign of Shad-O's?" Packed with 9999999999% of all nonessential vitamins and minerals! Perfect for evil universe masterminds!" "Uhh...I think I'll just say to that one," said Lewa0111. "Anyway, I'm not feeling too hungry right now. I'll probably be heading back to the Home Page to take a break for a while. Maybe tomorrow I'll try updating some comedies again, ok?" Gabriella shrugged. "Sure, I guess. I'll see you tomorrow then! Maybe sooner if I can manage it!" " " waved Lewa0111, leaving the blocked Comedies Forum and exiting through the main gates of the BZ-Nui forums, entering the Home Page. He noticed a large store currently selling the latest BIONICLE foam weapons, next to a newsstand with a headline proclaiming the release of said foam weapons. "Redundancy is redundant," said a random Matoran walking by. Lewa0111 nodded and sat down, opening his Word Processor and trying his hardest to recall as much of the chapter he had lost due to the Board Message. Just another typical day in BZ-Nui... * * * High above the steel walls of BZ-Nui, sitting inside a hot air balloon, two shadowy figures watched. No, they were not Jessie and James from Team Rocket, and if you thought they were, then I have a message for you: WRONG STORY! Anyway, they were just two generically shadowy and mysterious figures whose identity is not to be revealed at this time (although they are not Bob the Pirate and Joe the Coffee Rahkshi either). "There it is. Do you think we can get inside?" asked the first generically nameless shadowy mysterious figure. "We have to. There is no other alternative," said the second. "Wait, isn't 'other' already implied in the word 'alternative?' So basically you're saying 'other other option,' which makes no sense at all." "It makes perfectly sensical sense." "Redundancy is redundant!" said the same random Matoran who had passed Lewa0111 in the Home Page, flying by on a jetpack for no apparent reason. " " emoticonned the two mysteriously nameless generic shadowy unidentified figures as the random Matoran flew away. TO BE CONTINUED... Next: "The Most Evilestly Evil Plan of Evilness!" ~Lewa# Studios Lewa0111 Nuva
  21. Hello everyone! I know I promised to restart the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series on Halloween, but...well, it was Halloween. And thus I was busy doing Halloween-ish things. And thus not writing comedies. So here it is anyway, the (belated) return of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! Enjoy! (Also, try to guess which Toa is dressed in which costume, since I deliberately will not reveal who's who. Though one or two might be obvious... ) Why Toa Shouldn’t Trick-Or-Treat A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 1 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 The place: Metru Nui, or more specifically, the deserted Coliseum, or more specifically, a few square meters of dirt near the center of the coliseum, or more specifically, 3.14 square meters of dirt centered on a spot approximately 2.3727391945 centimeters to the left of the center of the Coliseum. As if anyone actually cared. “3.14? Cool! That’s the same number as Pi! Pi goes like this: 3.141592653589793223…” observed an excited Tava, before going on to rattle off the digits of Pi to an absurd amount. ...Well, him caring about it goes without saying. But I digress. Anyway, the seven Toa Nuva (along with Tava, the Toa of Pie) were discussing the upcoming holiday Dume had declared across all of Metru Nui. “So apparently, Dume has declared it to be Halloween. Anyone know what that means?” asked Lewa. “It means, according to this set of tablets,” said Tahu, pulling out a large group of tablets that he proceeded to dump on Pohatu’s head to use as a table, “everyone is required to dress up in a costume and go to every hut on Metru Nui. The Matoran in the hut will pass out candy if we say “Trick or Treat.” Also, the costumes should be as scary and/or weird as possible for maximum holiday points.” “What are holiday points?” Tahu shrugged. “No idea. I hope they’re flammable though!” he added with a . Gali sighed. “You would. Anyway, what should we go as?” “I’ll go as a pie!” exclaimed Tava. “No, wait--I’ll go as Pi! Or...nah, pie sounds better! But Pi would be fun too…” The overly-obsessed Toa of Pie then wandered off, still debating with himself which to dress up as. “Well, I think we should keep it a secret until tomorrow,” Lewa said. “That way, when we show up in our costumes, we’ll have to guess who’s who!” “No,” argued Takanuva. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!” screamed Kopaka, as usual. “Why not? I think it’s a great idea!” “Because Tava already ruined it,” the Toa of Light pointed out. “We already know he’ll be going as Pie or Pi.” “Pretty sure we could have figured that one out even if he didn’t already tell us,” said Onua with a . “But I also like the idea of keeping it a secret. Should we take a vote?” “No,” Takanuva argued again. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!” “ “ emoticonned Gali. “First, I think we should take a vote on whether or not to take a vote…” “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” “Okay...a vote on whether or not to take a vote on whether or not to take a vote, then?” “No.” “AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!” The rest of the Toa facepalmed. “This will take all day…” muttered Onua. Several hours and exactly 9,321 separate votes on whether or not to take votes on whether or not to take...you get the idea, the vote was finally taken on whether or not to keep everyone’s costumes a secret. And it ended up being a tie, so they just flipped a coin. But since coins don’t exist in BIONICLE, they flipped a widget instead, which ended up landing on its side, wedged inside Random Matoran #35’s gears. Eventually they all just gave up and Lewa just decided they would keep the costumes a secret anyway, making the entire previous scene completely pointless. Each of the Toa retired to their respective houses to prepare their costumes. Occasional shouts of “PIE!” and “PI!” could be heard throughout the night, presumably by a certain obsessed Toa, but other than that, things went surprisingly without incident. Everyone was excited to start making their costumes, and throughout the island, various random Matoran were making as much candy as possible for the following day. The next morning, all of Metru Nui was decorated for the occasion. Turaga Dume had even swapped his normal mask out for a Kanohi Puhmpka, the Mask of Pumpkin Heads, which had the power of giving him a pumpkin for a head. The chutes had been dyed orange, which annoyed all of the Le-Matoran who were now orange-colored but gave everyone else a good laugh. Black cardboard Fikou spiders covered the forges of Ta-Metru. The Ga-Metru schools were wrapped completely in mummy wrappings, which meant none of the students could go to school (great for the students, but not so much for the disappointed teachers). The Archives were now filled with fake ghost statues with glow-in-the-dark eyes, along with some Fikou spiders that everyone assumed were decorations but had actually escaped from the Archives, as discovered by an unfortunate Matoran who got bitten. Po-Metru had carved numerous gigantic statues of jack-o-lanterns, witches, and Matoran skeletons, except for the occasional statue of Hafu that had slipped in for some reason. Ko-Metru looked the same as normal because everyone there was too obsessed with telescopes to bother celebrating. In the still-empty Coliseum, seven figures approached the center. (Yes, it was exactly in the center this time!) Everyone just groaned at the Toa wearing a giant pie around his waist, with the pi symbol for a mask. “Yes, Tava, we all know it’s you….” “I couldn’t decide, so I went with both pie and pi! Isn’t that wesome?” Then Tava noticed the typo. “Hey, where did that ‘a’ go?” “Ha, ha!” said a Toa dressed as the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “I borrowed the RLC’s actual staff for this costume. No idea it would still work for me!” They tehn strated ramdlee wvaing te staf arond and acidently mkang tpyos evrwher. “Stop that, you’ll ruin this comedy!” protested a Toa dressed up as Krekka. “What an unrealistic costume; Krekka doesn’t talk like that,” said Lewa. “And it’s also not scary.” “ “ emoticonned the Krekka-dressed Toa. “Lewa, you forgot your costume...And for that matter, so did you, Takanuva. Did you forget what day it was?” “No,” said Lewa. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” screamed a Toa dressed up in a blank white sheet. “What are you supposed to be?” asked Lewa. “A ghost?” “Not a ghost; I’m going as a Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi.” “Oh, okay. Nice Rock Monster costume over there, by the way. “Thanks! Scary, huh?” “Okay, okay, guys,” shouted Takanuva suddenly, “time out. I think we should start trying to guess each other’s costumes. Then we can all go trick-or-treating!” Lewa raised his hand. “Sounds good, but is everyone here?” “No,” said Takanuva. Everyone looked around. “Tahu’s not here!” observed the Po-Matoran named Everyone, who had accidentally wandered in. “Thanks for telling us, but this is a meeting for Toa only. Get out of here.” With a whunt, the Rock Monster kicked Everyone out of the Coliseum. However, he accidentally kicked the Matoran so hard that he flew all the way around the planet and landed back in the Coliseum, crushing the Rock Monster. “Why me!?” complained the disguised Toa with a . The Krekka-costumed Toa shrugged. “Yeah, where is Tahu, anyway?” “Probably forgot to show up,” said Takanuva. “Let’s just start guessing!” “No,” observed Lewa, pointing to the entrance where a red Toa-sized figure was rapidly approaching. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” screamed the Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. The figure emerged into the light. “Hi, everyone! Can we start burning something?” asked the figure, who was in a costume that looked like a large, ugly version of a Toa. It wore overly smooth red armor with some gold highlights, had silver hands with bizarre fingers, and had a mask that looked like a Hau that had gone through a blender. “Like my costume?” When everyone saw it, they immediately followed the Klakk-costumed Toa's lead, running as fast as they could out of the building. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” Some time later, once everyone had composed themselves, the Toa went to the Moto-Hub for the costume contest that Dume had announced about five seconds beforehand. Everyone had shown up for the occasion. So had the rest of the Matoran on the island, even the newly-orange Le-Matoran. Dume walked onto the hastily constructed stage that was actually a bunch of pipe cleaners tied together with Silly String. “Okay, I know everyone wants to get on with the trick-or-treating, but first we will have seven awards for the best costumes. Let me list them in order: 1) Most Detailed Costume: Rahkshi of Letter Control 2) Most Original Costume: Klakk Blinking In A Blizzard In Ko-Wahi 3) Weirdest Costume: Pie/Pi Fusion 4) Most Unrealistic Personality/Costume Mix: Krekka 5) The “Forgot My Costume” award: This one is a tie, Lewa and Takanuva 6) Oldest Reference: Rock Monster Before he could give the final award, Turaga Matau zoomed past in a new vehicle he was testing and plowed right through the stage. Amazingly, it still held, until Random Matoran #35 in the front row coughed. The entire thing promptly collapsed. “Well, that was inconvenient,” muttered Turaga Dume. “Watch where you’re going, young whippersnapper!” Turaga Matau zoomed by on his second lap. “Who are you calling young whippersnapper? I’m 1,000 years old, you know!” “Well, I’m 2,000 years old! I was a Turaga when you were still a Matoran!” “Yeah, but in 2,000 more years I will be 3,000 years old! So there!” “But that would make me 4,000 years old” “GET ON WITH IT!!” shouted the entire population of Metru Nui. Dume sighed. “Fine...you youngsters have no maturity these days. Anyway...the Scariest Costume goes to...2015 TAHU!” 2015 Tahu stood up to show off his costume. Every Matoran in the Moto-Hub immediately fainted in fright. “Why does that keep happening?” At long last, it was time for the Toa to start trick-or-treating. The eight Toa lined up in front of the first group of houses, located in Ta-Metru. “Ready to go?” asked Takanuva. “No,” said Lewa. “AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!” screamed the Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. “Too bad, we’re starting anyway.” Lewa then rang the doorbell. A Ta-Matoran stuck his head out. “Sorry, but doorbells don’t exist in BIONICLE.” He stuck his head back in. Lewa sighed. “Fine, make me actually do work…” He knocked on the door. This time, the Ta-Matoran opened it. “Trick or treat!!” shouted the group of Toa in unison. “Sure, I’ve got some stuff for you right here,” said the Matoran, pulling out a huge bucket full of pumpkin pies. The Toa all looked at each other. “Oh no…” they muttered as the pie-and-pi-costumed Toa barreled over the others and grabbed the entire bucket. “PIE!!” he screamed, running away with the bucket. “ “ emoticonned the Matoran. “Sorry about that,” said the Krekka-costumed Toa as they all pushed the barrels out of the way and stood up. “He does that sometimes. Maybe try cake next time?” They moved on to the next house. “Burn-or-stuff!” said 2015 Tahu. Krekka elbowed him in the ribs. “It’s ‘trick-or-treat,’ you moron…” “Oh yeah. Trick-or-treat!” “That’s much better.” Takua opened the door, holding a bucket of Bula flavored candy for everyone. Then he caught sight of Takanuva. “How-but-what the paradox-how can this-huh-so confused-WHAT THE KARZAHNI!?” Takua then fainted. “Uh...oops?” They knocked at the next house, which turned out to be not a house at all, but a Turaga’s Home. Turaga Vakama answered the door. This time, the Rahkshi of Letter Control was first in line. The Turaga immediately set down his bucket of candy and pulled out his firestaff, proceeding to bonk the costumed Toa on the head with it. “Back! You foul creature! One more step and I’ll--” “Sorry, he does that,” muttered Turaga Onewa, poking his head out from around the corner and pulling the other Turaga back. “He’s going a bit senile. Dume, can you take care of our fiery friend?” Turaga Dume emerged from the house, still wearing his pumpkin-headed Kanohi. “Come on, Vakama, I have a mask for you to forge!” “Mask forging? WOOHOO! “ “Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!” Turaga Onewa passed out some very strange-shaped and oddly hard candy. “What is this?” asked the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “It’s my favorite candy: Rocks!” answered Onewa with a . After leaving the Turaga’s Home, they arrived at a house in Ga-Metru. Macku answered the door. “Uh…” said the first Toa in line, the one dressed as a Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. “What is it we say again?” Krekka slapped his forehead. “Trick-or-treat, you moron!” “Right, sorry, momentarily forgot.” Then, to Macku, he said, “Trick-or-treat, you moron!” “How dare you!” she shrieked, and slammed the door in their faces. The Toa all looked at each other. “This is turning into a disaster,” said the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “Isn’t that how Dume’s holidays always go?” answered the Rock Monster. After numerous other houses and various misadventures, they finally arrived at the last stop on the island, a large hut in Le-Metru. Krekka knocked on the door, and an orange Turaga Matau opened it. “Trick-or-treat!” “ “ emoticonned Matau. “What’s so funny?” asked the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “Sorry about that, I have no idea why he keeps laughing,” said Turaga Nokama, pushing Matau away and grabbing a bucket full of Bula-covered chocolates. “Here you go!” “Uh, not to be rude, but...shouldn’t those be ‘chocolate-covered Bula?’ interjected Krekka. “Because ‘Bula-covered chocolate’ doesn’t make sense.” Nokama glanced at the rappers again, and shrugged. “They say ‘Bula-covered chocolate,’ so I guess that’s what they are,” she decided. The Toa glanced over at the rappers as well. “Bula-covered chocolates, in the house, They taste really good in a hut or a house, Yo DJ Kongu is here to say, That we hope you have a Bula-covered holiday!” rapped DJ Kongu and the other rappers. “ “ the Toa and Nokama emoticonned in unison. Nokama looked at the wrappers on the candy to double-check, as well. “Yep, these also say ‘Bula-covered chocolate.’ Hmm...well, here you go!” She then passed out the oddly-named candy to the costumed Toa. “ “ emoticonned Matau from inside the house. “WHAT is so funny?” demanded Nokama. “You’ll...haha...see...hahahahaha...for...heheha...yourself!” The Toa glanced at each other. “Uh...okay then.” The Rock Monster pulled out one of the Bula-covered chocolates and unwrapped it, taking a massive bite. “I wonder what these taste like?” he asked. Then it exploded in his mouth, sending his mask flying off and also sending his regular mask underneath his costume mask flying off, causing him to pass out. Matau burst out laughing harder than ever. “MATAU! Did you replace those candies with chocolate-covered Madu?” “Maybe…” THE END Skritch the Word Counting Fikou: This chapter has 2,401 words. ~Happy Halloween from Lewa# Studios! Lewa0111 Nuva (Note: I actually rather like the new 2015 designs and have nothing against them. I just thought it would be fun to use them in a joke. No offense intended!)
  22. Happy (belated) Halloween, everyone! Thought I'd provide a few updates for everyone about my comedies and such given that I've been away for a little while. First of all, the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series has returned! "Why Toa Shouldn't Trick-Or-Treat" has just been posted (a few days late, yes; Halloween itself kept me quite busy this year!) Featuring costumed Toa, Tava shenanigans, and some interesting trick-or-treating. Check it out! Also, BZ-Nui Hack Wars is not dead. Due to an apparent lack of interest in the comedy, I haven't felt too motivated to update lately but I will try to get more chapters up when I can. I've also been taking a glance at Ask Matau! and TNI, but I can't make any promises on those two. If nothing else, once Hack Wars has finished I will repost Comedicle and start continuing that. But we'll see. Finally, I hope you all had a great Halloween and I will be seeing you all again this Thanksgiving for another installment of the Holiday Series! (And will be busy keeping Tava away from all the pies, of course...) Lewa0111 Nuva
  23. Praise Mata Nui, I finally finished that slog of a repair job. All four of my main comedies as well as my one-posts have been completely repaired and are back to normal (save Gabriella's Hack Wars chapters but she's told me she will be returning to BZP sometime, so there's that). You all know what that means...I'm out of excuses. I just updated Hack Wars with a new chapter, and plan to primarily focus on that comedy until it's finished. The occasional chapter of Mata Nova might also get written, and I'll also finish posting what I have saved from my old stuff. Once Hack Wars is done I'll revive Ask Matau! and TNI. It's a difficult thing to think about but I figure I might as well charge ahead and give everyone a few laughs. Besides, Matau will probably be pretty annoyed with me for how long his show hasn't been airing! So check out Hack Wars, everyone! Lewa0111 Nuva P.S. Come Halloween, also be on the lookout for the return of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series...
  24. Hello everyone, I'm back! To celebrate my return to the forums (and because I'm still not quite ready to try rewriting old stuff...I'll get there eventually), I've decided to write a little one-shot short story. It's completely non-canon to the rest of the Lewa0111iverse and is just an idea I had kicking around in my head. Enjoy! The Visorak and the Matoran: A Tale of Obsessions A BIONICLE comedy by Me! The Visorak hordes had long left Metru Nui. The Toa Metru were still Toa, somehow, though Metru Nui had been repopulated and rebuilt, and was now a thriving city. No one bothered to question this, since any efforts to reconcile things with what was supposedly the "official" storyline generally resulted in even the most learned Ko-Matoran to melt their brains. It just was. Deal with it. However, despite the absence of the hordes, six Visorak remained on the island, as any viewer of the popular television show "Ask Matau!" knew full well. One of each main breed, kept as pets and sort-of-roommates by Toa Matau, for whatever reason. They were usually very well-behaved, with the exception of one particular Visorak... "Oh no. Not again!" groaned Random Matoran #35, as an ominous rumble sounded from the buildings behind them. He and his companions Aaa, Shuu, and Marka turned to see a tidal wave made entirely of liquid cheese come surging down the street directly toward them, with a brown Visorak shouting his delight from atop the wave. "Run!" "Twelfth time this week!" observed another Matoran nearby. "Will he ever stop!?!?!?!?!?" Pohatu Nuva sprinted out of a nearby hotel for no apparent reason. "By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks--" "DON'T USE THAT JOKE!!" shouted all of the Matoran, as well as Roporak from atop the cheese wave. With a , Pohatu ran back inside. The Matoran decided to follow him, not having any better ideas, and barely managed to slam the door shut just in time as the cheese roared past. Random Matoran #35 stopped to catch his breath, then quickly shoved his breath back into his lungs where it belonged. "Hi!" shouted a Matoran with light brown armor, resembling a Po-Matoran for all intents and purposes. "Do you have any pies? I'm fresh out. Also, why did it get so yellow outside?" "Out of pies again? We just gave you 9,321 pies from the kitchens!" shouted Gali, annoyed. "I know! But I ate them all! So do you have any more?" "Umm..." ummed Random Matoran #35. "No, I don't have any pies. And Roporak is covering the city with cheese again." "That's too bad. Wonder if there are any pies outside?" "NO, DON'T--" shouted everyone in the hotel lobby, but the Matoran opened the door anyway. Surprisingly, nothing happened. "Huh. Wonder where all the cheese went?" asked Random Matoran #35. * * * On the street outside, Roporak had just finished eating every last bit of cheese from the tidal wave and was currently searching for more. " " he emoticonned. "I love cheese!!" The brown Visorak was so engrossed in his search for more of his favorite food that he wasn't watching where he was going, and abruptly ran pincer-first into the knees of the pie-obsessed Matoran from earlier. Said pie-obsessed Matoran was so engrossed in his search for more of his favorite food that he wasn't watching where he was going, and abruptly ran knee-first into the pincers of the brown Visorak. "Hey! You're not a pie!" the Matoran exclaimed. "You hit my knees with your pincers!" "You hit my pincers with your knees!" retorted Roporak. "Now get out of the way, I'm busy." "Busy with what?" "Looking for the greatest food ever, CHEESE, of course! Now move!" "You move. I'm not moving from this spot until I get some more pie. And pie is better than cheese!" "No, you move! I won't budge unless I find cheese, and you're in my way!" "You move!" "You move!!" "YOU move!!" "YOU move!!" The Matoran looked puzzled. "Why did you cross out "you?" "Because that was the only font feature left, duh. Now I won the font feature battle, so you have to move." "YOU move!!" The Visorak gasped. "The power of SuperScript! Looks like we are evenly matched...but whoever you are, you'd better move, because I won't budge an inch. My cheese-hunting skills work flawlessly. All I do is go in a straight line until I hit the coast, then turn and go in a straight line slightly to the side. Eventually I'll find every piece of cheese on the island!" "Hey, you copyright stealer! I have the exact same technique for finding pies! I call it 'Tava's Super Secret Pi-Matoran Technique For Awesome Pie Hunting!' TSSPMTFAPH for short." As was typical whenever copyrights were mentioned, Keetongu wandered onto the scene. "Hey, I have copyrights copyrighted!" shouted the large yellow Rahi. "DIE!" But he paused in mid-strike when he realized that neither Tava nor Roporak had even noticed him, nor paid him the slightest bit of attention. " " he emoticonned, leaving to tell his fellow Keetongi about this utterly ridiculous display of stubbornness. Meanwhile, the argument between the two had escalated to the point of stupidity. It now consisted of nothing but "Cheese!" "No, pie!" "No, cheese!" over and over and over again. Matoran, Turaga, and Toa in the nearby buildings had all begun to evacuate to get away from the constant shouting. After several days of this, Turaga Dume finally got the bright idea to hire Krakua to show up and create a sound-proof region around the two stubborn beings, allowing the citizens to move back into the area, to everyone's great relief. * * * Much had happened over the next few centuries. Metru Nui had been attacked, recaptured, liberated, attacked, momentarily swallowed up by a black hole, conquered, re-liberated, suffered a rather inconvenient gravity inversion, overthrown, re-re-liberated, underthrown, and finally re-re-re-liberated. Wars had raged across the island, destroying buildings, and new ones had been built in their place during peacetime. Metru Nui was now more glorious than ever, and rose several stories above its original surface. In spite of all this, however, one thing remained constant. That stubborn brown Visorak and equally stubborn Pi-Matoran were still there, on the original ground level of the city, still arguing and still refusing to budge an inch. Ga-Matoran teachers led their class to the area, as a lesson against excessive stubbornness (and to get a few laughs out of their students, of course). A large building had been built over the two, with soundproofed walls to save the ears of those living nearby. The place was now known as the "Cheese and Pie Stubbornness Memorial" and was a popular tourist destination. To all appearances, neither Roporak nor Tava had at all noticed any of this transpiring around them, or if they did, they were too stubborn to budge until one or the other obtained more of his respective favorite food. Several times, groups such as the Dark Hunters or the Brotherhood attempted to attack and capture the two of them, that they might find a way to weaponize this stubbornness, but no matter how strong, no being was physically able to move either one. Probably due to the seemingly infinite amounts of food stored up in each one's body, since BIONICLE characters do not use the bathroom, after all. And so things were, and probably would have gone on being, for all eternity. Until one day, when a Matoran chef emerged from his bakery several stories above the Stubbornness Memorial with a brand-new dessert.... "Behold!" a chef exclaimed to a crowd of assembled Matoran, Turaga, and Toa, who had all followed the scent of his creation. "I have invented something incredibly delicious...I call it Cheese Pie! Now, who wants a slice?" The entire crowd began shoving and jostling each other, all desperate to be the first to taste the wonder that was Cheese Pie. Sadly, in the commotion, the pie was accidentally smacked out of the chef's hand a bit too forcefully (some say Onua's mask power was to blame). The pie sailed over the edge and fell several stories down, until it was lost to darkness. " " the crowd emoticonned in unison, heading home. "Might as well make another one, that one is lost anyway. What's the worst that could happen, after all?" asked the chef as he returned to his bakery. As everyone knows, you should never, EVER ask "What's the worst that could happen?" Random Matoran #35 was walking down the street, enjoying his life. It had been centuries since the last random food typhoon, after all, and he felt great. When a familiar rumble began to sound from below his feet, he didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be. It was impossible. And yet there it was--"RUN!" he shouted, as a massive tornado made of cheese pie erupted out of the ground, with a Pi-Matoran and a brown Visorak riding atop the twister in triumph. "CHEESE!" "PIE!" END Moral of the story: Whether in writing comedies or in life, random food obsessions can get...rather out of hand. Always obsess responsibly. ~Lewa# Studios Lewa0111 Nuva
  25. Guess who still exists? That's right, this guy. XD I suppose you've all assumed I left for good, and/or died. I assure you that neither is true, though I feel I probably owe you an explanation as to where I have been all this time. The thing is...I really don't have an explanation other than the difficulty of trying to re-write old material that you know you got right the first time. It's a really difficult feeling (as I'm sure those of you who lost writing of your own from the dataclysm are aware) and I can't tell you how many times I've gone back to a new topic or TNI/Ask Matau!, opened the "reply" page, and just stared at it. I haven't been able to bring myself to try to recount any of the old stuff since. But with that said, I've made a decision. Most of my currently available comedies have suffered some weird formatting glitch, so I've been at least correcting that little by little. In addition, I plan to commence updating BZ-Nui Hack Wars once again, along with maybe Mata Nova as those are the only two that are all new content and don't need to be "re-written." I will update my profile status thingy (yes, that's the official name of that because I SAID SO, HA ) when that happens. Thanks for putting up with me through all of this craziness, by the way. I'll get back to re-doing my old ones eventually, I promise! I'll probably even start posting them on a separate blog as well too as backup in case another Dataclysm happens again. Seriously, you guys rock and with any luck I'll be able to start making you laugh once again. Lewa0111 Nuva P.S. Along with everything else, I now have a grand total of ZERO questions for Matau's next chapter when I get around to it. Send in those questions if you'd like!
×
×
  • Create New...