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Banished Blue Man Bound - Beginning

Mata Nui Bara Magna A Rude Awakening

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6 replies to this topic

#1 Offline The Hip Historian Iaredios

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Posted Dec 07 2016 - 04:49 AM

mata_nui_banner_1.png

 

Look now to times prior,

Not back to World’s End-Pyre,

But when the Helm of Gold

Holding a god of old

From far off Lunar Sea

And submerged faux-victory,

Came to our broken planet

And became a hero on it.

Verily, the one christened Mata Nui,

Whose utterance were of no phooey,

But rather a forgotten truth

Declared to be lies to comparative youth.

Yes, ‘tis he of whom I speak now,

That mighty hero who had borne the hau-

In times past,

And now the beetle is his icon cast

As well as the opened man

Famous now across lands of former-tan.

 

-------

 

Blue-skinned bound

Was our hero found

Upon his landing in a sea bare,

Minuscule and fraught with scare

His new mold crafted from the carapace

Of the kin of his new friend in alien space

The little thing’s ignorance

Concerning the form of the Son of Agnance

Would stir familiar love

Onto this ruler from above

A bond inseparable

To touch later rabble.

Christened Click was the bug

Who by horn’s brush upon god-man’s mug

Morphed shield-borne into master’s hand

By blessing of Helm’s defensive demand

In time to guard from beast-man’s leap to gnaw;

Such are the ways of the West Seed of Jarra’Shah.

Tackled with claws cutting ‘round shield’s surface

That cuts the new-born smooth dermis

And stinger tip pierces earthen sin

As it fails to poison this king of foreign men.

By way of arched shield-blade

Did the beast-man’s courage fade

As his rear-end sword went way of bloody severance,

The first victory of this man of former-reverence.

Scurried did the bestial foe

Away from crater whence did sand blow.

Ripped forth from under bare foot blue

Went the stinger slide from faux-carapace and red dew

The spray sate the taste of thirstsome desert ground;

And now armed did trek  the bare blue man bound,

Wielding speck-eyed-shield and poison dagger

Reaped from feasted remnant-attacker.

 

 

Stuck to nature’s winding rocky road

Lest be swallowed by the shifting brine which flowed

The Black-topped mesas with white mineral sprinkle

Doth reflect heaven’s torches that twinkle.

The ancient sand-scattered flat hills

Carved from yonder Lunar Sea which doth give chills

Of nostalgia to Banished King of memorial ills.

O’, how justice will be sworn-served,

Though his banishment is deserved;

Such was the pride of Mata Nui

Now curse-clad in dermal bluey

When before his head could touch the clouds.

How he wanted garbed shrouds

To shield from sandy blight.

When the dangers of the night

Could be seen by moons-light

It’s form aught with fright

Serpentine and clad in fur

Long eared and winged ensure

That Mata Nui dirtied and bare

Took to haste and ran with care

To escape the sight of the amphiterre

Aloft high in the air

Did it miss sight by sound

Our hero blue-skinned bound

Who hid behind rocky décor

Lest fret-feasted upon would be his gore.

 

 

Once passed, did helm-wielder find sensation,

Ignorant was he on the nature of starvation.

He fell before boulder and submitted to starving sleep

And naught was there a peep

Under star-lit blanket-black.

‘Twas by a distant crack

Did one’s eye’s flash ajar

Swift fell did pupils lock onto afar

To find more beast-men.

‘Twas they who made bone-crack their kin

White bleached on desert floor.

Yesternight’s injured fellow did-so chore

With pack of brethren did he bring

To seek and scout this Exiled King!

Cloudless was the sky

And cover was lacking by sight of eye.

By the light of Solis’ would they find

The helm of his that doth shimmer and shine.

So he that was outcast by angel-shadowed

Took refuge before old-foe’s abode

And bade his time

to pounce on they clothed by grime.

Wordless speech did his enchanted crown

Give to Mata Nui in temporal fortune down.

 

“Hear me, oh holy curse-clad king

Let me share memories of paladins that did bring

Great battle to ways of darkness!

Observe their foes meeting unity's blessedness

creed-bound to mercy did they show

to thine fallen children, the Masters of Shadow.

Such as what I saw with mine own eyes

Let them quell your mental cries:

Take to inspiration of their example

And hence give beast-men a sample

Of HERO Mata Nui’s valor

And unleashing your divine power!”

 

Thus did flicker before his mortal eyes a life

Which did the helm witness such strife.

Holy War done in his name in most dire hour

A conflict he felt undeserving by his lacking honor

But sword-slashed dance did he see his saviors

Fighting with greatest gallant behaviors

With nature’s great power that did

Leap forth from palms did their might fled

Forth into many an enemy

With mercy was their code’s remedy,

Sentience-trace be spared

And in this bondage their glory flared.

 

All of this did haste-swift flash

Before his eyes and weapon-bound did clash

Space of beastly crew and this spirit-old

Inspired, now he arose in with stance ever-bold

Chin up high was he, and chest puffed-proud

Stood the fallen lord blue-bare bound

Such was his confidence that seeped from his form

That the pack of sand people had their morale torn

But recognizing their numbers did they dare

Twain ilk slowly paced without scare.

 

Fly did Click from thrown fist towards foe

And shifted forth into defensive blow

And fell down did they, the seekers of harm

Leapt across warming morning earth

And punched into hard skin hearth

With aim of knocking down this vengeance-seeker

But tough was this trekker of the acre

How he wished his enemy was weaker!

Jaw-split hence cried the horrid shrieker

With flame-died iris eye did widen

And spike-budded tongue slither from fangs whiten

With claw-grasped was King’s arm

Blue dermis seeping red via harm

By fiend’s sharpened nail

By familiar-feel did he seek-strike with tail

But in the tradition’s death holding to no avail

And in anger was that plan brought to bail

Thought made him scrape the neck-skin of that male

With tongue and ready to eat the throat of his prey

But Mata Nui shoved his armored face into the gaping fray

His soul’s home jaw-locked and tongue-scraped

So they fell to the pebble-spiked ground

And grunt did spake the holder of the crown

Harmed was the Helm, and so it’s anger escaped

Hence cursed was the nefarious Jarra’dine

Mouth skin-sewn forevermore after this day

Speechless were they, one more than another

With fright did the cursed run to stand over fallen brother

Who was on ground from blow by Click shield-formed

By muffled screams did he noise and by wet-leg warm

Did the kin-folk shriek in horror behold his cursed form!

 

Vengeful victim look to sky crying in fear

And begins beastly-clawing at absent lip in hope to pry and tear

To let rip-loose some sort of bloody cry

And witness did Mata Nui who here could not lie

And begged with Holy Helm to reverse such cursed affliction.

Cure this childish fiend of thine set condition!

So he yelled, and wordless did it spake,

By ancient defense from thieving take

Do I curse those not destined or merit-worth,

Such is my sword-and-shield save my brief birth.

And so our Hero shout-plead to the air

To his voiceless mask with angry demanding flair

 Though it did confound beast-men already wrought with scare.

Hear me now; henceforth will you reserve your power

Lest I specifically call upon it, which they will cower

Before awesome glow and flick of wrist

Vow now to nay-take my words to twist!

And relinquished did his mask-crown

No doubt was there to be found a mental frown

For the enchanted artifact that predates its new master,

But bows it will, for destiny was achieved before rise of outcaster

And his new lord, his true lord, has yet to meet his fate

And the Heavens above know it will be profoundly great.

 

Mata Nui walked to the frightened beast-man

And by mask’s power and his will did he raise hand

To grab arm-limb and raise to face with distance betwixt

The being’s twain with sand-person doth squirm and twist.

The golden helmed face of the fallen king did so glow

As if Great Solis did hence rise from body blue did light show

And the face’s fresh skin, like fabric, ripped slowly

 With widening holes it’s natural mouth revealed duly.

Mata Nui dropped the creature and it scurried

With both joy and fear far from being body-buried.

With kin did they three fade into the horizon

And our hero found to be in safe lonesome.

 

 

mata_nui_vorox_cave_art.png

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes:
I wrote another short story a prequel to Black Coronation, but i went a little too brutal in a scene. It is important so I can't edit it and thus probably can't put it on BZP (idk). This annoyed me, but i love the potential of Mata Nui's story so I decided to flex some rhyming skills. I hope it is okay, and I might expand on this later. Like other things, this has some references to my A Rude Awakening project.


Edited by Iaredios the Hip Historian, Jan 13 2017 - 07:55 PM.

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A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu  |  Pushing Back The Tide  |  Last Words  |  Black Coronation  | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos   ن

We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light


#2 Offline Erasmus Graves

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Posted Dec 30 2016 - 07:24 AM

A terrific poem that mixes sly wit and epic story with a true love of its source material and some clever rhyming. Plenty of fun linguistic pyrotechnics, too.

Good job. Here's a smiley to celebrate. B-)


Edited by Erasmus Graves, Dec 30 2016 - 07:24 AM.

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"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus



#3 Offline The Hip Historian Iaredios

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Posted Dec 30 2016 - 07:43 AM

A terrific poem that mixes sly wit and epic story with a true love of its source material and some clever rhyming. Plenty of fun linguistic pyrotechnics, too.

Good job. Here's a smiley to celebrate. B-)

I appreciate it, dear-heartedly. And linguistic pyrotechnics? :lol: I'll take it!

 

Keep your eyes on this topic. After the first version was completed, I decided to expand it until Mata Nui fights the Sand Bat (the shadowy amphiterre) and heads to Vulkanus (imagine it like the final boss in this, gonna be epic). If I decide to expand it beyond that, then i will make this an Epic; maybe I should do that anyway, draw a cave doodle for each chapter. Writing in epic rhyme is quite the stupendous time. Lol 

 

Just gotta remind myself not to go overboard like that other one I wrote. If you want I can PM my Branar story to you.


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A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu  |  Pushing Back The Tide  |  Last Words  |  Black Coronation  | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos   ن

We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light


#4 Offline Erasmus Graves

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Posted Dec 30 2016 - 11:15 AM

Lol. Sounds good, I'll keep an eye out.

About PM'ing the story that'd be great, mate. I love a bit of Branar - he's one of the characters who should have gotten more page time.


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"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus



#5 Offline The Hip Historian Iaredios

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Posted Feb 14 2017 - 11:42 PM

I've abandoned the idea of further updating this story here. If I intend to continue it, it will be as a BZP Epic under the appropriate forum.


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We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light


#6 Offline Master Inika

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Posted Apr 19 2017 - 12:14 AM

Having just stumbled upon this, I was pleasantly surprised. You're a great poet with a clear talent for wordplay. I appreciate the roughly-10 syllables per line. It's not perfect iambic pentameter, but I recently learned that Chaucer's Canterbury Tales were often 12 or 11 syllables, much like yours, since he valued telling his stories over perfectly fitting the mold. It's perfectly written to be sung verbally, and a spoken word version of this would be a great idea.

 

Plot-wise, I definitely feel like I'm missing out on something by just jumping into this. I can most enjoy the bits that reference official story (the retelling of Click's first transformation comes to mind was very well done). However, there's so much I didn't fully understand, but I can still tell a lot of thought and effort clearly went into this, and I am eager to read more "Rude Awakening" stories.


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#7 Offline The Hip Historian Iaredios

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Posted Apr 19 2017 - 08:41 AM

Having just stumbled upon this, I was pleasantly surprised. You're a great poet with a clear talent for wordplay. I appreciate the roughly-10 syllables per line. It's not perfect iambic pentameter, but I recently learned that Chaucer's Canterbury Tales were often 12 or 11 syllables, much like yours, since he valued telling his stories over perfectly fitting the mold. It's perfectly written to be sung verbally, and a spoken word version of this would be a great idea.

Plot-wise, I definitely feel like I'm missing out on something by just jumping into this. I can most enjoy the bits that reference official story (the retelling of Click's first transformation comes to mind was very well done). However, there's so much I didn't fully understand, but I can still tell a lot of thought and effort clearly went into this, and I am eager to read more "Rude Awakening" stories.

Thank you, and you'll find this funny but I don't know what those things are! :lol: I also haven't read the Canterbury Tales but this is the second reference to that I have seen so maybe I should find it.

I can tell you some of the references in here. World's End Pyre is The Shattering, Jarra'Shah is Jarra Adat the Element Lord if Sand and co-creator of the jarra'dine. The Jarra'dine (jah-rah Dee-nay) are the vorox, though Vorox is a term originally used only for the Jarra'dine in Neateir (land surrounding the Skrall River) and south of it, Vorox means "hungry" and refers to their bestial nature and how food is their main focus of life. They are this way because of an ancient evil jarra'dine king named Nijil'kar.

EDIT: And if you didn't figure it out, Great Solis is Solis Magna. Now according to the polytheists of the lands, Solis Magna is seen as the originator of order in the sea of chaos that is existence, though he can be seen as merciless. Read what I have so far in the Visions of Thasos to know more. :)

Also, something that I noticed in Lego's telling of Mata Nui's is that the ignika no longer had a personality. I thought it would be interesting if both were active at the same time, but Ignika respects Mata Nui's authority and acts more like the professor in Firestorm. With that in mind, it references its own past, such as cursing those not destined to touch it, and its time posing as a toa and seeing the Toa Nuva.

Edited by Iaredios the Desert Dude, Apr 19 2017 - 02:05 PM.

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A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu  |  Pushing Back The Tide  |  Last Words  |  Black Coronation  | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos   ن

We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light





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